May pole dancers come from here
You know the lady I mean. Every class has one. The know-it-all. The can’t-shut-up. The teacher’s pet. In my Zumba class, that person is me! Hahahaha. But so what? Until I read a post titled “I’ve About Had It with that One Lady in My Zumba Class,” I’ll say my piece. I’ll say it anyway, because shut up.
Anyway in this class we’re all gathered around a pole. Not that kind of pole. You wish! (Sidenote: I’ll always be afraid to try pole dancing because I know I’ll end up somehow just slo-o-o-o-o-wly sliding down awkwardly, my legs making an embarrassing SQURRRRRCHCHCHNG noise.) No, we use a core pole: a heavy pole with flexible bands that we grab while circling the pole like Queens of the Sweatiest May ever. It’s actually a great workout, except for that one lady.
We do shoulder pulls, tricep lifts, squats, obliques, crunches, everything. It truly is a magical pole. It would be fun, too, if that one lady could just shut up. But she constantly feels the need to anticipate or correct the instructor every five seconds: “Aren’t we supposed to do shoulders next?” “You didn’t count to ten on that side.” “This isn’t the same music as last time.”
Steady on, JD. She’s not talking to you. Deep breaths. Stay calm. Tighten your glutes.
But then that lady crossed the line.
We were doing lunges. In a lunge, your back foot is supposed to be up on its toes. But I can’t DO that because my left toe STILL hurts from bunion surgery. So guess what? YUP! That lady noticed I was doing it “wrong” and she. spoke. to. me. JD.
“You’re supposed to be on your toes.”
I’d like to tell you I stabbed her right there on the spot, but all I did was pull out her hair and punch her in the throat. OK, that’s not true. I grabbed her band and wound it and her around the pole until her head popped off. A slight exaggeration. What happened was, I gave her a steely glare and flexed my bicep. She shut up. For the time being.
I’m waiting for her to tell me to stand up straight, which is something I really cannot quite do. Oh, that will be a violent day, my friends! Teeth will fly, and this time, they won’t be mine.
So, what was the point of this post again? Oh, yeah. Who wants to be a pole dancer?!