Surprise! Yes, I am actually wearing clothes to BlogHer. Even more of a surprise? It hasn’t been that big of a deal.
At least not for me.
My mom, however, is another story.
What my mom would like me to wear
What I would like to wear
Nevertheless, I value my mom’s opinion, so I showed her my two outfits. She was horrified to see me sashaying out of the bathroom in white capris and a brown tank, but I assured her that this was my casual Saturday outfit. I’d be a little more dressy on Friday, the day I’ll be reading at the Community Keynote.
I showed her my Friday outfit, which I thought was quite cute.
“I think you need a different top.”
Bleah. I didn’t want to shop for a new top.
“And you need to wear a slip.”
“But the skirt is lined!”
“It doesn’t matter. Men will be able to see between your legs.”
Is that a bad thing? Suddenly enervated by trying on two whole outfits, I sank to the sofa and pouted.
So, my awesome mom appointed herself my personal shopper and went out to buy more white tops.
Many more white tops.
Trying on 5,000 white tops made me begin to doubt myself. Maybe I should go with a completely different outfit. But I wasn’t about to buy one. I hate shopping and I hate spending money on clothes. So I dug around in my closet.
What do you think?
I got these on ebay! But they’re both a little tight. And maybe too casual? What will Tim Gunn say?
These are my shoes. I’m sorry. Are you embarrassed for me? You should be. But I’m just not a “shoe” person. Don’t let my mom see this photo.
And finally. No matter what I wear, I’m gonna need a little support. In the form of giant underpants:
Which pair do you prefer? Seriously, I need your help. If I wear that thing on the right, all the men looking between my legs will see less thigh action. But I won’t be able to breathe much. If I wear the white thing, my thighs will roam free, but I might actually be able to talk without hyperventilating.
MOM! Thank you for being my awesome personal shopper and all-around good sport. I love you and wish you could come watch me puke at BlogHer!
(MOM! I’m sorry I said “puke.” I meant “vomit.”)
IMPORTANT UPDATE! My personal shopper found a bee-yootiful sparkly pink top, which I will be wearing with the above skirt AND I did get cute(r) new sandals. Thank you to everyone who offered advice. If you’re going to BlogHer, look for the glittery girl in pink with the slight limp and flop sweat.