I’m TRYING to Sleep Late

Are you sleeping?
Still dreaming,
Still drifting off

Hey, dude, I’m trying to sleep!

The whole point of weekends is to sleep late, right? But I can’t force myself to sleep later than I do on weekdays. Perhaps that’s because I get up whenever I want during the week. Yeah, suckers, that’s right. I don’t set an alarm, I just rooooll outta bed when the mood strikes me. The fact that it’s usually around 6:00 AM should do nothing to alleviate your jealousy.

So what is the trick to sleeping late, or, as some cultures say, “sleeping in,” on weekends? I haven’t mastered it. Instead, I lie there, thoughts running through my head instead of sheep. I try counting backwards, repeating a calming mantra, breathing deeply, but those thoughts, those THOUGHTS! Maybe if I list them here, you can tell me how to prevent them from ruining my weekend mornings:

  1. If I lie on my left side, my achingly full bladder doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode.
  2. Prudence’s bite can now penetrate 4 layers of blanket.
  3. Will I work out today? No. Will I work out tomorrow? No.
  4. I am a fat loser.
  5. How can a bunion hurt so much when it’s not even doing anything?
  6. If I think hard enough, coffee will magically appear.
  7. Don’t make eye contact with Gus. His pleading “give me breakfast” eyes will be the end of me.
  8. Apparently “Black Bettywill be running through my head all day.
  9. Dave is such a polite sleeper, that, unless I roll over (which I’m not about to do, see #1 re: bladder) I don’t even know if he’s still there or if he’s been driven downstairs by my snoring
  10. Yeah, I snore. Wanna make something of it?
  11. If my soaking-wet nightgown is anything to go by, those hot flashes are back.
  12. Donuts or muffins donuts or muffins donuts or muffins donuts or muffins? Croissant?
  13. Did I just snore? I’m awake! Can I snore while I’m awake?
  14. Where is the magic coffee?
  15. When was the last time I washed my hair? Does it still smell like coconut?
  16. Most definitely not.
  17. Prudence can bite my foot as hard as she wants, I’m not getting—OW!!!
  18. Seriously, is Dave still over there?
  19. donuts donuts donuts donuts. Oooh, maple frosted donuts donuts donuts
  20. “Black Betty had a child (bam-a-lam) The damn thing gone wild (bam-a-lam)”
  21. 100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95—OOF! How does Gus know exactly where my bladder is?
  22. What if I roll over and instead of Dave, it’s someone ELSE? What would I do? Pretend it’s cool?
  23. Should I buy an audiobook or get one from the library?
  24. Is my library card still valid?
  25. I’ll just buy an audiobook.
  26. If I go out for lunch, will I still be able to eat that entire frozen pizza for dinner? I can’t have leftover frozen pizza in the house on a Monday. But I can’t have an entire frozen pizza in the house either. I’ll have to eat it all tonight, regardless.
  27. “She’s so rock-steady (bam-a-lam) And she’s always ready (bam-a-lam)”
  28. I am now CONVINCED Dave is not in bed with me. Either I’m alone with these two troublemaking cats or I’m lying next to a stranger who is going to kill me as soon as he wakes up.
  29. Why is that not motivation for me to get out of bed?
  30. God, I love my pillow.
  31. I feel like I could almost fall asleep . . . almost . . . almost . . .
  32. Ow! Ow! OWWWW! PRUDENCE!!!
  33. Oh, boy. Just wait till Prudence wants to take a nap today.
  34. Are those noisemakers still in the basement?
  35. DONUTS! I want six!
  36. “My bladder’s full (bam-a-lam) And that ain’t no bull (bam-a-lam)”
  37. Never EVER buy this kind of underwear again.
  38. La la la la . . . I’m asleep . . .
  39. Dammit! I just looked at Gus. No one can look at his “feed me” face and turn away. It’s all over. I’m up.

What are your tips for sleeping late? Going back to sleep? Trying to ignore biting cats? And most important:

Donuts or muffins?

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66 Comments


66 Responses to “I’m TRYING to Sleep Late”

  1. 1 Tim

    First! And that’s cause I get up at 5:30! I like it early to avoid the bathroom rush.

    Tim’s last blog post..Quiting Smoking, Second Hand Gum and Non-Chewing Sections

  2. 2 Kelly

    Donuts. That’s the easy one.

    My cats don’t bite… they just walk up and down my body, and with their little pencil paws, that’s almost as painful as biting. They WILL NOT be ignored. If I want to sleep late, I make sure to tell Mr. Aerten to shut the bedroom door when he comes to bed. But if there’s a cat in the bedroom, he or she will batter the door to be let out. And if Girl Cat is outside, she will batter the door to be let in.

    In short, there is no sleeping late in my house. Darn it all.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Sea Urchin

  3. 3 Bucky

    I have two children. One is two years old, and one is 4 months old. Sleep is frowned on in my house. If you can’t stay awake for eternity, I suggest you don’t move in.

    Bucky’s last blog post..But It Was Only A Cough

  4. 4 PG

    As a rule… Donuts. Unless it’s a Chocolate Chip Muffin.
    Or a Cranberry Orange Nut Muffin.

    That may be the last time I hear Ram Jam in a long time. One of the pitchers for my beloved Boston Red Sox would have Black Betty played each time he entered the game, but he’s all done. washed up, never to be seen in a Sox uniform again. Godspeed Mike Timlin.

    How I sleep in…
    I have a bladder roughly equivalent to the size of a half keg of beer (a convenient coincidence), so that doesn’t hold me back.

    Fluffy – yes, our big bad cat’s name is Fluffy, gets sequestered into the basement at night. No biting or guilt attacks

    Oh, and I usually try to keep the number of thoughts I think for the WHOLE DAY under 39.

    I have to stop listing items here or I am going to go over 39 today. Hell, it’s only 9am.

    PG’s last blog post..Commitment (282/365)

  5. 5 April

    2 kids and a cat, like Bucky, sleep is frowned upon my house and even when the kids aren’t there and the cat is actually behaving herself sleeping next to me instead of pouncing on my bladder I can’t sleep once the sun comes up because I’m too trained I guess. You have no idea how much it pisses me off that I can’t sleep in even when there’s no children in the next room screaming at each other over who controls the remote.

  6. 6 April

    I forgot – Donuts. Always. Donuts.

  7. 7 Singular Girl

    Usually a pillow over the head drowns out the incessant meowing for kitty attention and food. I find that buys me at least 15 more minutes of sleep in the morning… that and burrowing into a tiny ball so the cat won’t see me and will think I’ve disappeared and won’t stand on my head in an attempt to get attention. I am NOT a morning person and find that I can easily sleep in until at least 8.

    Singular Girl’s last blog post..How would I look with only one ear?

  8. 8 fragileheart

    Wow. I can’t help you because I just do it. I just sleep, and sleep and sleep and sleep. Even if my bladder is full and about to explode.

    The only helpful thing I might be able to offer is – don’t let the cats in the room. But I know how hard THAT can be! lol

    Good luck… and thanks it was strangely fun being in your head for a few minutes.

    fragileheart’s last blog post..Monday Madness: Still about me

  9. 9 Shieldmaiden96

    If I can just stay asleep enough not to slosh things around I can sleep and sleep. But the cat will usually sit on the night table flicking things onto the floor (the lamp, the clock, etc) so that we will get up. Which usually results in us pushing him out of the bedroom and shutting the door, locking it, and putting laundry baskets against it so he can’t open it. (He’s very persistent.) Then the pitiful meowing starts, and once I hear that I’m up.

    I usually have to pee anyway.

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..The Audacity of Soap

  10. 10 stephanie barr

    As a true “night person”, I can, under the right circumstances, sleep in for hours. That I don’t involves several factors: during the week, I have to get up ~6 am to take my daughter to school and then crawl to work. On the weekends, I have a 5 year old and a 9 month old baby, neither of which let anyone sleep in really late (though they usually make it past 8 am – my husband generally sleeps in until 9 during the week – bastard!).

    However, now that I’m old and decrepit, my hips and back are so bad that pain usually wakes me up before the kids do on the weekend. If I ignore it, I spasm or bring on a killer headache (or both), so I never get the sleep I desperately need.

    Unfortunately, I can’t make this up by going to bed earlier or I have a similar (but different) conversation with myself as I try to get my desperately tired but resisting body to sleep at night.

    I believe that people are morning people or night people and you can condition your body to get up or stay up when you need to, but you never enjoy it.

    stephanie barr’s last blog post..Mad Scientist – Part 1

  11. 11 stephanie barr

    By the way, the cats aren’t a factor because Lee punishes them if they wake him; they don’t come lay on me until I’m up. Lee takes his sleeping in VERY seriously.

    And, though I love doughnuts, I’m a sucker for blueberry muffins.

    stephanie barr’s last blog post..Mad Scientist – Part 1

  12. 12 absepa

    I’m afraid I can’t give advice on sleeping in, because I just can’t do it. Sometimes I feel lucky to sleep at all–maybe it has something to do with getting older (and a shoulder injury that makes it impossible to get comfortable), but I am just not a good sleeper. On the (extremely rare) weekend mornings when I do happen to still be blissfully slumbering at 6:30, I am rudely awakened by a hungry dog. He bats my face with his paw; runs around the bed barking; and, eventually, just jumps on me full-force. The other two dogs, sensing that the game is afoot, come and join in. There’s no point in trying to sleep with all that ruckus going on, so I just give in and get up.

    And, though I hardly ever let myself eat them, doughnuts win over muffins. Especially if they’re those cake ones with the crunchy cinnamon sugar coating.

    absepa’s last blog post..My REAL Laptop

  13. 13 Jeff

    First, get up around 3 am and go to the bathroom. You’ll thank yourself in the morning. Just try to make sure you don’t actually wake up while you’re doing it. Yes, it IS possible!

    Next, don’t let your cats in your bedroom before you go to bed. Close your door. What’s that? I’m not a cat owner so I don’t understand and I have no business suggesting this? Ok, that may be true, but still… I have yet to be woken up by cats in the morning.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Wanted: Your discussion topics

  14. 14 Puglette

    With three dogs and a husband that sleeps through everything, I get up. I would love to be able to sleep in…what a concept! If you find any miraculous remedies for this affliction, please let me know. And thanks for Black Betty rolling through my head…dammit!
    Puglette
    :o)

    Puglette’s last blog post..Yeah! It’s the Weekend!

  15. 15 Babs - beetle

    Well I am a cat owner, of three! They are NOT allowed upstairs in the bedrooms at night,and they are more than happy with their own little beds, in their own little room, with their own little litter trays and their own little nibbles ;O) A lay in (sleep in) is easy in our house! We set the rules very early in their lives. They often take themselves to bed at night :O)

    Now I have ‘Black Betty’ running through my head!

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Lots of awards

  16. 16 Trade Show Guru

    hi JD,
    Zucchini Walnut muffin – the monster size, and definately not the “low fat” version.
    As a teenager I could sleep until noon or beyond, but now if the suns up, I’m up. Don’t know why, but my brain wakes up and that’s it. Of course our cat wanting to be fed and letting us know doesn’t help.
    Still, I love the quiet dawn and fresh coffee too much to miss it. Great topic by the way.

    ~ Steve (aka the trade show guru)

    Trade Show Guru’s last blog post..Trade Show Zen

  17. 17 chat blanc

    I’ve taught myself how to sleep walk through the morning cat feeding ritual and even the eating of breakfast, then I turn on the morning news and I easily remain in sleepyland! :)

    chat blanc’s last blog post..Piercing: A Primer

  18. 18 Tiggy

    Instead of trying to sleep in late, simply get up anyway and put your clock forward to midday. That way, it will feel like you’ve been in bed all morning without all the annoyances/biting/donut trauma.

    Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Spaghetti

  19. 19 Daisy the Curly Cat

    The “Feed Me” face is a very powerful weapon! I am happy to sleep in, but Harley does not let anybuddy sleep late. Ever.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Monday Mystery: Solve the Riddle!

  20. 20 Kelly

    first of all, i’m still laughing! second, my thoughts when i wake up are along the lines of “WTF, can’t he hear the baby screaming? why doesn’t he get his sorry butt out of bed? why do i have to do it?” then i stomp around for the next 2 hours trying to wake the hub up because if i have to be up then he has to be up, damnit!

    Kelly’s last blog post..Featured Neurotic Mom Moment #1

  21. 21 Sandra Regina

    I am a very good sleeper-inner. I also have full bladders at 6 am and three cats demanding food.

    So I get up (stumble), go pee, dump food in bowls, and fall back into bed. Thus I am free to sleep, with empty bladder and cats occupied elsewhere.

    I can’t help you with Black Betty, sorry.

  22. 22 Jenn Thorson

    If I try to sleep with a full bladder, I begin dreaming about visiting restrooms in various places within the context of my dream. Old high schools where I don’t know where my classrooms even are, but I need to find the restroom… Old vacant disgusting warehouses where I am running trying to elude vampire-zombie hoards and I keep going around in circles, but yet I’m trying to find a restroom…

    Or last week, where I dreamed that I was at a flea market (something I enjoy) but friends were giving me tips on how to AVOID having to go to the restroom.

    Most of the time I just get up. The bladder affects the creativity of my dreaming.

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..An Open Letter to PENNDOT

  23. 23 JD

    Tim: FIRST! It’s always good to get here early. Canucklehead takes FOREVER in the bathroom.

    Kelly: Yeah, I ended up with donuts. Oh, the painful cat trodding. If they get you in a sensitive organ, it can be way worse than a bite. And we can’t shut them out. Like yours, whether they’re in or out, if there’s a closed door, there will be no peace.

    Bucky: “Sleep is frowned upon in my house.” HA! And, sorry. But do your kids bite?

    PG: Yeah, I almost went with Dunkin’ Donuts’ chocolate chip muffin with the giant sugar crystals on top. I’m sorry “Black Betty” has such sad connotations for you. For most people, it’s quite a happy song. I don’t think I could sleep with either cat in the basement. The mournful cries would be audible, if just barely.

    April: Ah, the screams of children. Well, I can’t blame my inability to sleep late on that, tho I do have trouble when the room is filled with blinding sunlight. And yes. Donuts.

    Singular Girl: Oooh, 8:00. That would be delightful. But I’m not sure how well I could sleep rolled into a ball with a pillow over my head.

    fragileheart: Well, thank you! And you’re welcome to join me here whenever you like. You’re lucky that you can sleeeeep. I used to sleep till noon when I was younger. Of course, there was a lot more beer then, too.

    Shieldmaiden96: Yep. Between the pitiful meows and peeing, it’s almost impossible. Lately Prudence likes to push her toys mice under our bedroom door if it’s closed. We just see this little white paw nudging the mouse underneath, as if to say, “Hey! You in there. Play with me!”

    stephanie barr: Oh, I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. That is truly the worst reason to be kept awake. I agree: if you try to change your morning person or night person status, you’ll be sorry. I wish I could stay up late, like I used to. But I just get too dang tired! How does your husband punish the cats! Mmmm, next to chocolate chip, blueberry is my favorite. Warmed up and with lots of butter.

    absepa: Where do I find these crunchy cinnamon-sugar-coated donuts?! You have me very curious. And I am sorry for your shoulder pain. It’s true: there’s just no good way to sleep on a bad shoulder. I think I’m grateful I have just a 15-lb cat and a 7-lb kitten to deal with.

    Jeff: Well, your track record of never being awakened by cats is impressive, but cats who are not allowed in the bedroom are generally more trouble than when they are let in. And I’ve done the “3:00 AM Blind Pee” before! You’re right: it’s totally possible. And sometimes messy.

    Puglette: You’re welcome! (bam-a-lam). And I love your screen name. Perhaps you love pugs? But I love adding “lette” to any word or name. PUGLETTE!

    Babs – beetle: Well, that’s the trick (bam-a-lam). Train ‘em early. We’ve always spoiled our cats—they get to go wherever they want and do whatever they want. Right now Prudence is eating my cashews. But what can I do? I’m only ONE PERSON!

    Trade Show Guru: I’ve never tried a “ZW” muffin, but as long as it’s NOT lowfat, I’m down. I think it’s healthy to get up when the sun is up. And once I’m up, I, too, love the morning. In fact, I love getting up early on vacation. Love that quiet time with coffee and thoughts. THOUGHTS!

    chat blanc: Yeah, sometimes, after being up for an hour, I realize I have no recollection of doing anything: feeding the cats, coffee, breakfast, work . . .

    Tiggy: Now there’s some good advice. And that way I can go to bed even earlier! Thanks, Tiggy!

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I bet you’ve got a good “Feed Me” face. I can never resist it. I bet Harley will settle down a bit when he grows all the way up.

    Kelly: HA! I think husbands have a built-in tuner-outer. With me, it’s “Can’t he hear the cat puking in the hallway? No? Well, neither can I.”

    Sandra Regina: I don’t think anyone can help with Black Betty (bam-a-lam). If I do get up and feed the cats and pee, that’s it. I’m up. I just can’t go back to sleep at that hour.

    Jenn Thorson: Oh, that’s funny. Even your zombie dreams are related to finding a bathroom. Yeah, I have those dreams too, tho I’m usually actually GOING in my dream (ah, sweet release), which always worries me a bit.

  24. 24 Natural

    ROFL, too funny and I love that you call us suckers!!!!! I feel so loved. LOLOLOL. My tip for sleeping in late is to go to bed, but don’t go to sleep, stay up all night (cue Dave). You won’t know morning came and went until you wake up in the afternoon you’ll be so exhausted. Going back to sleep…eat a breakfast that will knock you to the couch when you’re done. Biting cats? Well if you bite them back just once, you won’t have to worry about them no’mo. Too funny JD! Thanks for my afternoon laugh.

    Natural’s last blog post..Finger Clicking Good’gaud That Hurts!

  25. 25 absepa

    Re: Cinnamon-sugar-coated donuts–if you love donuts (and I’m pretty sure you do, based on what I’ve read here), you owe it to yourself to try one immediately. They are in-freakin’-credible. I consider myself a donut connoisseur, and they are my VERY favorite. Since I always get them at local bakeries, though, I’m not sure where you can find them…try Dunkin Donuts, maybe? They seem to have lots of flavors.

    absepa’s last blog post..My REAL Laptop

  26. 26 April

    I was just browsing at icanhascheezburger.com (shhh) and saw this which made me think of you right away.

    http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/11/10/funny-pictures-there-is-no-snooze-button-on-cat-who-wants-breakfast/

  27. 27 The Hawg!

    Tips? I sleep whenever I can. Why? Because I’m always worn out. Work, kids, work, kids, kids, kids, kids, work, work, work. It’s enough to make on perpetually tired, right?

    So my advise to you is to wear yourself out. Either that or count your lucky stars that you’re not worn out, don’t have to sleep late and will probably live longer.

    Not bad at all!

    By the way, I’ve got “Black Betty” running through my head now. Thanks for that ;)

    The Hawg!’s last blog post..Arkansas’ bowl hopes dim

  28. 28 flit

    oh definitely donuts! No question.

    I snore also …but usually hubby is so aggravated by my tooth grinding that he rarely notices the snoring :)

    flit’s last blog post..Printing

  29. 29 Regan

    Donuts. No question. Try staying up late. Then you’ll be tired enough to sleep in. If your cats are biting you, you should bite them.

    Or you can just use a tranquilizer.

  30. 30 brooke

    I see that you have an evil cat that likes to bite and a cat that likes to eat. Also you are parinoined and have bladder problems. That is all I interputated from this post.

  31. 31 JD

    Natural Aw, you know y’all are suckers . . . but you’re MAH suckers! How do I stay up all night when I can’t even stay up past 9? I do love the idea of a breakfast that will knock me out. Reminds me of hungover McDonald’s breakfasts during college. Oh, the sleep after those feasts was the BEST!

    absepa: I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen this exact kind at DD . . . or anywhere else. They sound fantastic. Now you have to tell me where you live. I’m not going to stalk you. Just your donuts.

    April: HA! That is so true and so funny. I won’t tell anyone that you were browsing lolcats if you don’t spread the word about my addiction to fail blog.

    The Hawg! You’re welcome (bam-a-lam). It’s only fair to share the music. You’re right: I am lucky I’m not worn out. It sounds like you are, tho. Just be glad your kids don’t bite (yet).

    flit: Oh, no! Not tooth grinding. Does that give you headaches? Ouch. I’ve never heard anyone grind their teeth; it’s hard to imagine it’s more annoying than snoring. (Tho I’m told I have a very ladylike snore.)

    Regan: I think donuts is definitely the consensus here. As for biting my cats, I’m not sure I’d enjoy a mouthfull of fur. Of course, I could bite them on the ear.

    brooke: Your powers of interpretation are astounding. Can you tell my fortune too?

  32. 32 Athena

    Donuts. Chocolate filled donuts, preferably. Mmm.

    And my tips for going back to sleep? Try not to think about going back to sleep. It’s like fight club that way. All mental, baby.

    Athena’s last blog post..The joys of suburbia

  33. 33 Jay

    Hahahaha!!! Oh yeah, I’m working on the sleep-in-late thing too. Here are my top tips. Sometimes they even work!!

    1 – Wear earplugs. That way you won’t hear your Other Half snoring or the dogs barking (or in your case, cats. Um. Mewing).

    2 – The dogs (cats) sleep downstairs.

    3 – Always assume the Other Half has gone to make you tea (coffee). Never roll over to look.

    4 – Get up immediately you feel a twinge from your bladder and stumble into the bathroom without opening your eyes any more than necessary, then stumble back and fall into bed. If you do this early enough you may stay semi-conscious and be able to get back to sleep.

    5 – Never allow yourself to think about anything you might have lined up for the day. It’s fatal.

    6 – Pretend to be asleep. It may come true.

    7 – Don’t start singing Black Betty to yourself.

    There. Aren’t you glad I came by? ;)

    Jay’s last blog post..Things your mother tells you

  34. 34 Kathy

    I haven’t slept in since 1998. Like clockwork, I’m up at 5AM, sooner if there’s a cat named Lucky talking his head off. The other one would lay patiently waiting if not for that jabberjaw. My cure for not being able to sleep late? An empty-bladder NAP!

    Kathy’s last blog post..A Winner and Plastic Bag Update

  35. 35 Stephanie Barr

    “How does he punish the cats!”

    He makes a horrible noise they hate. They go running every time.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..Mad Scientist – Part 1

  36. 36 Meg

    I’m unable to sleep late due to caffeine headaches. Thus, I plan my nap time and am religious about sticking to it.

    Meg’s last blog post..Women Drivers (Ed Teachers)!!

  37. 37 Juliet

    Wow. I feel like you just copied the way my brain works. Only my problem is the other way around. I can’t fall asleep at night. Absolutely no problem sleeping in the morning. In fact, I can’t wake up in the mornings. That could be because my solution to not being able to sleep is staying up so late on the computer that I reach the point of exhaustion and fall into an instant comatose state on reaching my bed. Hmmm.

    Juliet’s last blog post..Goat Boy

  38. 38 haleyhughes

    Total light-blocking drapes. That’s the only way to sleep late. Otherwise, the minute I see my first ray of sunshine, my brain is in danger of waking up in a very similar manner to yours.

    Donuts or muffins? I can’t decide. Both?

    haleyhughes’s last blog post..Feeling adolescent

  39. 39 Sarah

    it sounds really stupid but, I pretend to be asleep. By keeping my eyes closed i just kinda doze off. this kept me sleeping till 1:30 on saturday, straight through brunch.
    as for the cats, mine never tried to wake me. sorry! Oh! you could always lock them out of the room. but that’s kinda mean…. if you do, i won’t think any less of you :)

    Sarah’s last blog post..Bassoon Break-age

  40. 40 JD

    Athena: 10 points for mentioning Fight Club. Another 10 for chocolate-filled donuts. Aaaahhhh . . .

    Jay: EXCELLENT points! The only two I can’t follow are #1 (can’t stand anything in my ears) and #2 (cats sleep where they please). Also, I suspect our cats can mew in tones that are audible even with the most powerful earplugs.

    Kathy: I first read that as “I haven’t slept since 1998.” Oh, Lucky. He’s got a lot to say. Ahhh . . . the empty-bladder nap. It’s a cure for anything.

    Stephanie Barr: Oh no! I’m not sure I could traumatize my beasties like that. Gus is already afraid of such innocuous things as hats and tote bags. If I made a scary noise, he might run and never come back!

    Meg: Good for you. Naps are the cornerstone of a healthy lifestyle. I wish I were better at taking effective naps. Now, about these caffeine headaches. Have you quit drinking coffee? Shouldn’t they be temporary? I’m worried about you!

    Juliet: If I ever do have trouble falling asleep (rare), I do the same as you: mindless surfing online will send me into a coma. Maybe I should have my laptop handy for those mornings I want to sleep in?

    haleyhughes: I like the way you think. Donuts AND muffins it is! (it are?) Anyway, I agree with the sunlight-blocking theory. We just have blinds and sheer curtains, and altho our bedroom doesn’t get direct sunlight, it gets light enough in there to make me feel guilty for still being in bed.

    Sarah: 1:30!!!!! You are the champion of sleeping late! Your method is obviously successful, but then, you are younger, and as I recall, I could easily sleep past noon when I was college-age.

  41. 41 absepa

    Well, if you’re in the mood for a road trip, the luscious cinnamon-sugar donuts can be had at Magee’s Bakery in Lexington, KY. Since I’m trying to be back on Weight Watchers, you are more than welcome to stalk my donuts…then you could eat them so I don’t have to.

    absepa’s last blog post..Um…Am I Supposed to be Doing Something?

  42. 42 cardiogirl

    This post MUST be read while listening to “Black Betty” on YouTube.

    It is crazy how a cat’s teeth can somehow penetrate through blankets. Been there, done that, yelled when bitten.

    Doesn’t everyone call it “sleeping in?” Will Gus get under the covers with you? If so, I always found it relaxing, under the covers, petting the cat.

    Okay that’s not what it sounds like.

    Ugh. Leaving now.

  43. 43 brooke

    You will see a weight gain after a dounut truck crashes in front of your house and then you will lose the weight really fast because you will get the flu and vomit. Also you will one day sleep in and not be disturbed by paranoia or cats. Is that good enough for you? Also go with doughnuts.

  44. 44 Puglette

    I just discovered the official term for getting a song stuck in your head…earworm! The Urban Dictionary has a plethora of definitions.
    Bam a lam!!

    Puglette’s last blog post..Body Parts!

  45. 45 JD

    absepa: Hmmm. I’m not exactly in the mood for a road trip right now, but I’m making a note of that bakery. I will happily eat those donuts so you don’t have to (tho I’m s’posed to be on WW too!)

    cardiogirl: I’m starting to think ALL posts must be read while listening to “Black Betty.” Hmmm. “Petting your cat” you say. It’s worth a try. (And, yes, I call it “sleeping in,” too. I was just trying to be funny.)

    brooke: Wow, that sounds scarily accurate. I like the sound of being able to eat the tons of donuts that will be available to me—and then I get to lose the weight (and donuts) almost immediately? SCORE!

    Puglette: (O, how I love typing that name) EARWORM! That’s perfect! Thanks for checking that out. BAM-A-LAM!

  46. 46 G. Eric Francis

    Ok…sleep…that foreign thing that hasn’t existed since my children arrived via UPS (United Pregnancy Service). Very humorous, to say the least…you are a quirky but amusing woman…totally dug it!

  47. 47 brooke

    I’m glad you are happy that will be $20.

  48. 48 AngieSS

    I’m so jealous. I never get to sleep in. I don’t even get the luxury of lying in bed for a few minutes to enjoy my inner dialogue. Sheesh, my brain and bladder wake at the same time…off to the bathroom and then down stairs to start the day. Oh, and donuts — I need the sugar rush. :)

    AngieSS’s last blog post..I Love Angie Email – Volume One!

  49. 49 brooke

    Oh yes I would. Thank You!!

  50. 50 Elle

    Donuts. Donuts, donuts, donuts.

    I only reach the sleeping in grail when the medium boy has exhausted himself staying up past midnight on Friday night watching too much Cartoon Network in his room and wambles out when he’s heard the donut chant. The Petunia kitten is much too young to realize that crying at a closed door is even an option. I have trained my bladder to go off at 2 AM, when it is possible to find my way to the bathroom in semi-comatose condition.

    Elle’s last blog post..Digging With A Heart-Shaped Spade

  51. 51 kaylin marie

    Donut….unless it’s a fresh hot double blueberry or strawberry muffin cut in half and filled with cream cheese.

    The way I’m able to sleep untill noon….is by staying up untill 6am. I find that the dead hours of the late evening early morning is the only time I can do anything I want undisturbed.

    kaylin marie’s last blog post..Happy Hump Day

  52. 52 JD

    G. Eric Francis: Why, thank you! I wish you many sleepful nights and all the donuts you can eat.

    brooke: Will you take a Sleeping Cat keychain instead? I mailed it today.

  53. 53 JD

    AngieSS: Oh, but you should really allow yourself just a FEW minutes for the inner dialogue. Otherwise, how do you know if “donuts” really is the correct answer?

    brooke: Phew!

    Elle: I think it’s unanimous: DONUTS! I’ve gotta learn your bladder training technique. 2 AM is the perfect time to stumble blindly to the bathroom and still get back to sleep. Our Prudence kitten went thru that phase, too. Even when she knew enough to meow, her voice was so tiny we could barely hear it. That has changed.

    kaylin marie: Oh, you’re swaying me toward the muffin! Filled with cream cheese? That sounds awesome! Boy, I wish I could stay up later. My sleepiness always gets the best of me.

  54. 54 Sue

    Yeah, I got nothin. We have 4 cats, one old dog, a four and half year old, and a six year old (both girls. Not that that really matters). The only way I could sleep in would be to hide in the basement (brrrr) or maybe under the bed (small space), the garage (again, brrrrr) or I could run away. Yeah, I could run away….far far away and take some warm blankets and pillows, and I wouldn’t even take my cell phone with. I would find some nice old trees and build a lean-to against one and sit in nature, wondering why I didn’t do it sooner. But I would most certainly take a donut with me.

    Sue’s last blog post..Fun Fun

  55. 55 JD

    Sue: Well, your plan sounds awfully elaborate but also well-thought-out. I hope you’ll bring more than one donut with you. I’ve heard those wolves can get pretty hungry.

  56. 56 Cromely

    I employ two key strategies for sleeping in on weekends.

    1) Keep the bedroom as cold as possible and the blankets as fluffy and cozy as possible.

    2) Average 4-5 hours of sleep a night during the week.

    Cromely’s last blog post..Email aggravation with Comcast and Bigfoot

  57. 57 JD

    Cromely: I do love a cold room. I wish my husband did. I usually just end up kicking off the blankets. Kicking off the cats is another matter entirely. You mean that in order to sleep late on weekends, I have to cut back on my 9-10 hours a night during the week? I dunno . . .

  58. 58 Florida Girl In Sydney

    If I had my way I’d sleep until 9:30 or 10 every morning! I seriously dream of the day!!!!

    Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Dolly Parton Does Australia

  59. 59 JD

    Florida Girl In Sydney: I’m sure that day will come — especially if you dream of it! As for me, I’d be happy with sleeping until 8 on weekends. Is that so much to ask? (YES!—Gus and Pru)

  60. 60 Swedish Skier

    How is it that cats know so well exactly where the center, and most excruciating part, of your breast is? AND where your bladder is? AND always manage to step strategically onto these two places?
    Although, my dogs growing up always knew where my boyfriends’ ball were and managed to jump up onto them, so I guess being a woman with cats is just fine.
    Donuts. Clearly.
    Sadly, I am the longing face looking at my husband on weekends and begging for food. I’m awake at 7, and hungry. He sleeps until 10 and is not hungry until noon. Freak! He should be the cat so no one would get woken up.

    Swedish Skier’s last blog post..How to Bug Your Spouse, Part Deux: Siblings

  61. 61 Swedish Skier

    P.S. This CRACKED me up! Loud, laughing aloud.

    Swedish Skier’s last blog post..How to Bug Your Spouse, Part Deux: Siblings

  62. 62 JD

    Swedish Skier: Your husband IS a freak! Can’t you work something out with the cats and his balls? Just point them out—the cats will do the rest. (And thank you! Did you just invent a new Internet acronym? LLA?)

  63. 63 val@ SussexHolidayCottage

    As a pommie I am facinated to know what is a typical American breakfast?

    I am reading about all these delicious sounding muffins and I can only equate that to a very boring equivalent of a “round of marmalade on toast”!

    Personally I don’t have the cat problem, but I do have quite a demanding dog which needs to get out to empty his bladder, probably more so than me.

    I long for the weekends for a lay in and mostly I find I wake at exactly the same time as I do in the week which is about 7am. This last weekend gone though I actually woke with a surprise cos when I looked at the clock it was 10.15am. Mind you I then spent the rest of the morning doing chores I had put off in the week, trying to make up for the time I had lost when I had my precious extra bit of shut eye!

    You can’t win can you?

  64. 64 JD

    val@ SussexHolidayCottage: Hello, again, Val! Geez, let’s see. A typical American breakfast can be anything from eggs and bacon and toast and hashbrowns and sausage and biscuits and gravy to pancakes and donuts and muffins and cereal and oatmeal and hot dogs. Some people are known to eat fruit for breakfast, but I am not one of them.

    No, you can’t win! As much as I’d love to sleep in, I’d probably feel guilty if I did, and run around doing chores, too.

  65. 65 Suzanne Miller

    Oh this was LMAO, ROFL funny. Especially the re-occurring Black Betty refrain. How did you get into my brain and how can I get you to do all my writing for me?!!! Seriously, when I feel restless but know I need more sleep, I think of housework that needs doing, and I start to plan what I will do first, and that thought alone is usually enough to conk me out for at least another two hours.

  66. 66 JD

    Suzanne Miller: Hello, and welcome! You KNOW how catchy “Black Betty” can be, right? OK, maybe I need to try your method and think about housework. There can be nothing more boring.


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