I Had Some Downtime

I give my complete attention to a very good friend of mine
He's quadrophonic

This is the story of a laptop who died and the brave woman who struggled to find meaning in a life with no laptop.

(Hint: I am that brave woman. And the laptop who died? WAS MINE!)

(Yes, I refer to my laptop as a “who,” not a “what.”)

I believe it was the wise-beyond-her-years Cardiogirl who once said, “Trying to blog on a strange computer is like trying to take a crap in someone else’s bathroom.” Or she might’ve said “dump” instead of “crap.” Or she might not have said this at all, but someone did. And it’s true.

Turns out I cannot blog anywhere but on my laptop (who is not only a “who” but a “she”). I sat at my decrepit desktop computer (definitely an “it”), and the words just wouldn’t come. So I couldn’t blog. I couldn’t even read other blogs, because that decrepit desktop? Is really uncomfortable to sit at.

I couldn’t watch my beloved Hulu, listen to Mel Gibson’s mad rantings, or watch Lindsay Lohan beg for mercy. Because that decrepit desktop? Has no sound.

Why don’t you just put me in one of those sensory deprivation boxes and LET ME DIE???

Because I cannot die. I have things to do. So you don’t have to.

Like what, you ask? Well, when you don’t have a laptop, you watch a lot of TV. That’s just basic math. I believe the equation looks something like this:

no laptop = more TV

If that equation is too complicated, just move on.

TV comforted me and showed me many wondrous things.

  • VH1′s Two-Hit Wonders reminded me how cute that guy in Jesus Jones used to be and how awesome that OTHER song by Fine Young Cannibals is.
  • BBC’s Kitchen Nightmares taught me that Gordon Ramsey’s f-bombs get bleeped, but he can apparently call someone a “limp dick” with no repercussions.
  • The Game Show Network has the “new” Newlywed Game! Sample question: “Men, if your wife was a car, and you had to follow the rule of putting your hands at 10 and 2 on a steering wheel, where would your hands be?” All men: “SIX!!!!!!!” (Really, “six”? I would’ve thought, like 9 and 3.)

But the most awesome TV experience had to be my discovery of On Demand. Oh, I knew you could watch movies via this magical channel named “1,” but I did NOT know I could catch up on Top Chef, rewatch old Mad Men episodes, or grind along to (head explodes) EXERCISE TV!!! With each click of the remote, a new and awesome choice revealed itself. Choices I felt compelled to scream at Dave every five seconds as he tried to work in the office.

“OHMYGOD you can watch Naked News!!!”

“OHMYGOD you can watch Styx! IN CONCERT! Wait. They only do one song. BUT IT’S ‘RENEGADE’!!!”

“OHMYGOD you can watch MTV’s True Life! And it’s the one about the porn industry!!!”

And it was all free! Well, except for Naked News.

  • I also read. I slurped up the 2d and 3d books of Stieg Larsson’s trilogy like delicious melty ice cream.
  • I contracted Humidity Sickness.
  • I managed to get covered in tar (more on that later).
  • I put up a new shower curtain and is it just me or is that the most horrible of tasks? The standing! The raised arms — aching for relief! The things that won’t poke through the little holes! Oh, my patience was tested that day, my friends.

But mostly I watched TV.

And now I’ve got some big decisions to make. Hulu’s Hell’s Kitchen? Or On Demand’s The Sperminator?

It’s going to be a busy day.

*        *        *

Can YOU write or be creative on a strange computer? Does anyone use pen and paper anymore? And what about Mel Gibson? Crazy? Racist? Misogynist? (Answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE.)

AND! Coming soon on I Do Things: “How to Get a Lot of Comments.” (It has something to do with leaving the same post up for three weeks.)

___________________

Dead computer came from here

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47 Comments


47 Responses to “I Had Some Downtime”

  1. 1 Pricilla

    Dead computers are sad computers.
    Mine died for three days and I thought I would go crazy.

    My little hooves were itching.

    I have heard of this latest by Mel Gibson but did not feel it warranted my time.

    Glad you are back. You missed baby Marion then. She is cute and Luke is saved.
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Marion is Starting to Go Off on Her Own =-.

  2. 2 Kathy

    It’s good to see you back in Blog World! It missed you. WE missed you!

    So did you have a private moment when you got your laptop working again? I bet you wept.

    I don’t think I have as many offerings on “On Demand” as you do. Certainly not naked news. Did you watch it? Was the weather report oddly arousing? I did, however, watch all of Mad Men that way, which is my new favorite drama. Thank you Channel 1 !!!!

    Mel Gibson is a poopyhead.
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..The Thing I Swore I’d Never Tell Anyone =-.

  3. 3 Tracy

    I like using my desktop because I require a keyboard with a lot of weight to it. If I could hook up a manual typewriter to my computer, that would be paradise.

    Some children squirted lotion into my keyboard and so it died. My husband gave me one of the extras from his big box of assorted computer crap but it’s a flimsy thing, not suitable for the weight of my thoughts.

    I need to figure out a way to sneak a new suitable keyboard into the house because my husband has become a veritable Archie Bunker about spending money on things we “don’t need” as he ages. Yes, I have a keyboard that can make little marks appear on my monitor, but can we say that it works? No, I don’t believe that we can.

    In the next few months I’m going to have to replace the trusty Dell that I’ve used for the last 4 or 5 years. The Dell that Chicken in a Can was composed on. The Dell that is stuffed full of pictures of head cheese and pork brains and wiggly fish sausages. My husband is suggesting a Mac Mini so I can be more compatible with others in the blogging world but I do not trust a computer that is smaller than a lunchbox. Hell! I don’t even trust lunchboxes because I eat way more than that.

    Good to see you back. I wouldn’t even have tv if our laptops broke because most of our tv comes from a laptop plugged into the tv.

  4. 4 babs - beetle

    So glad to see you back, doing all that stuff that we’ve had to do for ourselves since you’ve been gone.

    I’m the other way. I can’t use my laptop for blog writing and reading. I’m so used to my desktop with my large screen.

    Naked News? Really? We stopped watching Hell’s Kitchen when the novelty of Gordon Ramsey wore off.
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Flowers- and rolling in the grass- =-.

  5. 5 Jaffer

    Oh … I was wondering where you were – I even checked time an again to see if I had missed any post !
    But I should have asked others as well about you – I didn’t do that.

    Welcome back !

    You know what I discovered ? Actually it was my brother who, in a state of frustration with my rabbit ears antenna while wanting to watch the world-cup of soccer, un-screwed the cable from the antenna, and screwed it to a similar looking outlet in the wall.

    Me – “What !”

    Him – “What ?”

    Me- “We have cable ?”

    Him – “I guess we do now…:

    Me – “But we are not supposed to have cable – we don’t pay for cable”

    Him – “Meh !”

    Me – “We’d better keep hush-hush about it !”

    (Yay – Free cable ! – Actually this is not the first time – I had free cable back in college – and I never paid for it_

  6. 6 Monique

    I can not write on anything other than my own computer. I can not even edit photos properly (which explains the excessive backload). I just feel blah sitting anywhere other than at my desk.

    Thank you for reminding me that I have three season of Mad Men on my DVR.. I think it’s about time I start actually watching the show.
    .-= Monique´s last blog ..Can Friendships Last Forever =-.

  7. 7 vanilla

    You are my heroine. How often I have wanted to put the keyboard through the screen of the CRT. But, alas, the desktop is not dead yet. Guess that move would kill it?
    .-= vanilla´s last blog ..Ben Lacy =-.

  8. 8 Grace

    I’m old. Therefore: After 40-some years, computers, in any guise, are just tools to get things done. One is just as good as another as long as they are fast. Preferences? Yes, anything that is NOT Microsoft. But I can use one of those too. No biggie.

    Pen and paper? yes, when I have any serious writing to do, out comes the notebook and pen. It slows me down. I actually think. Good stuff that paper and pen.

    TV: cable or not; On Demand or not, it’s all crap. Again, I’m old. 60 years of television and I’m bored. We have 900 channels or something and we’ve been spending our evenings playing Scrabble.

    Mel Gibson? Who gives a rats ass!

    (am I cranky this morning? Yes, it appears so!)
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..I am the Scrabble Queen- =-.

  9. 9 Stephanie Barr

    Since I work at a work place on computers and always have, and we have no less than six computers in this house (no, seven), I can work on anything. Heck, I’ve written blog posts on pencil and paper when I was bored silly at a meeting.

    I don’t write blog posts on my work computers, but, with all my alternatives, I don’t have to.

    I do hate trying to write novels on an unfamiliar keyboard. I’m picky about them and writing, especially on my laptop, will irk me with it’s relatively tiny keyboard. But, if it’s what I got and I need to write, I can do it.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..Value vs Worth =-.

  10. 10 dcr

    I could blog from another computer, but it probably would not make the posts that appear on my blog any better. In fact, I think I’m on my third or fourth computer since I started my blog. But two of them were somewhat transitory.
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..The Stillness of Busyness =-.

  11. 11 Surfie

    Welcome baaaaack! I was on the verge of emailing to make sure you were okay. But I guess with a broken laptop it is obvious you were NOT okay. Although since you apparently have digitial cable (*jealous*) AND good books to read, I guess you survived mostly unscathed. I’ve never tried to blog on anyone else’s laptop. I’m pretty sure mine is special. It like plugs into a different, better internet than any other laptop could. I spend way too much time online. I’m not sure what I’d do if mine was forcibly removed from my daily routine. Ugh!
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Smarter than Your Average Can of Beans =-.

  12. 12 v=mc squared

    so glad to have you back, i haven’t laughed since your last post and people just knew i was receiving botox injections on my lunch hour because i didn’t smile. not! jd was missing.

    i use my desktop more than my laptop because of the speed. i can type from my home computer and my work computer, and that’s it. if it’s quiet, i might be able to use a different machine, but i never get comfortable enough to warm the seat. i hover, take a quick leak or pee or whatever and get the heck outta there.

    and i still use pencil and paper. the only thing that breaks with that set-up is the pencil point. got lead?
    .-= v=mc squared´s last blog ..where’s george =-.

  13. 13 Ron

    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…..you’re back!!!!

    You’ve been missed, dear girl. I’m like, “What happened to JD????”

    Sooooo sorry to hear about your laptop, and I can so indentify with not being able to blog unless using it. Ever since I got my semi-new laptop I’ve become addicted to it – the keyboard, the touchpad, etc. Using a computer is VERY personal – it has to FEEL just right. I find it more and more challenging to use my desktop anymore.

    And no…ever since I started using a computer, I cannot use a pen and paper anymore. Hell, I can barely write out checks anymore without having to rewrite them again because I made a mistake. How sad.

    So, did you get a NEW computer?

    Glad to have back!
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..About the Size of a Ping-Pong Ball =-.

  14. 14 puglette

    yay!! you’re back! i am sorry about the demise of your beloved laptop. i do understand about not wanting to use a desktop computer for blogging. our desktop is very, very old and has not been turned on in a long time. and…it is in another room, away from my lovely HD TV!!

    yes, on demand is a fabulous thing. there is so much good and oddly bad television to watch. i love being able to catch up on missed episodes.

    i just bought larsson’s 1st bookas i did not finish it the first time i had it home from the library. i loved book 2 so much, i just had to get caught up!!

    and about styx, you should come to washington. they play here every couple of months at the local casinos and venues. i think this is the styx concert capital of the world! you could go with my hubby, i won’t be attending. i will be at home making fun of you guys.
    hugs,
    puglette
    :)

    ps – ollie photos on the blog. ;)
    .-= puglette´s last blog ..Dog Day Afternoons =-.

  15. 15 seafoodpunch

    haha. glad to have you back. FINALLY! well, I lived in a middle eastern country for a while, so I think i can handle deailng with many computers at once while at my house. but they are all MINE! I cant work on anyone else’s though. You’re right. Its just not the same.

    Great post. I’m sure you couldnt wait to have all those thoughts explode onto screen.
    .-= seafoodpunch´s last blog ..Cleaning up =-.

  16. 16 Anne

    I am glad that you are back although it sounds like you had a fabulous time with your cable TV. We missed you.

  17. 17 cardiogirl

    Uh, you are reading my mind today. Why are you inside my mind?!

    #1 I started to write you an email this morning asking, “Where you at girl?” and got sidetracked, as usual. It must have been something shiny that caught my eye.

    #2 I JUST heard “Good Thing” on the radio yesterday and made a mental note to copy it onto my mp3 player. I also got sidetracked and never did that either.

    #3 I really hope I said that because it’s funny and I *did* think, ‘Huh, I would have said dump instead of crap,’ and then you wrote that!

    I love you, JD. I’m so glad you’re back!

    p.s. I had to make my kid count to 30 in Spanish twice to let me finish this comment.

    p.p.s. I wonder why I keep getting sidetracked.
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..Get out of my head Katy Perry and take your little Snoop Dogg- too =-.

  18. 18 JD

    Pricilla: Oh, your poor little hooves! I still haven’t listened to the alleged Mel Gibson tapes, and I don’t think I will. Sounds too upsetting. I have been catching up with little Marion’s exploits. She is a sweetheart!

    Kathy: I missed all of you! Would it be going too far to say that after hugging my restored laptop, I lovingly licked the keyboard. Yes? I didn’t watch Naked News because it wasn’t free. Damn. It used to be free online. Dave discovered it. Of course he did. It was truly bizarre.

    Tracy: Yes, the keyboard at our desktop weighs less than an ounce. It’s impossible to use. My husband (also Archie-Bunker-like) demanded that we get the cheapest model. I’m sticking with PCs for now. God, what a scary thought! No TV?????????

    babs – beetle: And you should know that I NEVER stopped doing things! I just couldn’t write about them. The monitor on our desktop is actually smaller than on my laptop. I can’t even see my full WordPress editor on it, stupid thing. Has the novelty of Gordon Ramsey worn off? I hadn’t noticed. ;)

    Jaffer: Illegal free cable is the BEST kind of free cable! Kudos to your brother. I believe all cable should be free, but then it wouldn’t be illegal and so wouldn’t be nearly as fun. (It’s good to be back!)

    Monique: Yes! “Blah”! That is exactly how I feel. I couldn’t hook up my camera or access any photos. But most of all, I just couldn’t write. Now start your Mad Men marathon. No excuses!

    vanilla: I wish I could take credit for that photo, but it’s not mine. I have, however, thrown a keyboard across the room. I also dropped my laptop and permanently loosened the caps lock key, but that was an accident. Nevertheless, I accept the title of heroine.

    Grace: Ooh, I love a good cranky comment from Grace! I wish I could write longhand, but carpal tunnel has ruined that for me. Oh, who am I kidding. I can’t stand writing longhand. But seriously, I wish I could at least write a shopping list legibly. You’re lucky you’re so non-discerning when it comes to computers and TV. I have a feeling I’d waste a lot less time if I could be that way.

    Stephanie Barr: You’re lucky too. I am not one of those writers who MUST write or die. Conditions have to be just so. And yet, years ago, I wrote longhand in a spiral notebook at a noisy coffeeshop. The result? Well, not Harry Potter, but I did churn out a novel. So it can be done. Or at least, it could be done.

    dcr: That’s an interesting concept. I wonder if writing a post on another computer could actually result in a better post — or at least a different post. I think, for me, it would. I should try it some day (nah).

    Surfie: Aw, that’s nice! No, I was definitely NOT OK. I was rather disheartened to find how dependent I am on my laptop. I even have it at arm’s reach as I read in case I want to look up something. I had to use my iPod Touch, and my eyes are not what they used to be.

    v=mc squared: Now, I know that’s not true, because Cardiogirl and many others have been slaving away, writing despite interruptions and inconveniences. I know you laughed at least once. I’m curious about “I take a quick leak or pee.” Is a leak something other than a pee?

    Ron: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYY! I’m so glad to be back. The break was actually kinda good for me, tho, I have to say. I can’t even imagine how I lived before I got this laptop 3 years ago. No, I didn’t get a new one; I fixed this one, tho it’s not gonna last. I will be in the market for a new baby soon.

    puglette: I loved book 2 way more than book 1. You could almost skip the first one. Did you see the movie? I thought the movie was better than the book (hides from rabid Larsson fans). Oh, how I would love to see Styx! We saw Dennis DeYoung, who performs under his own name and the addendum “Featuring the Music of Styx.” But I always loved Tommy Shaw. Make fun all you like — I’ll just sing “Mr. Roboto” that much louder!

    seafoodpunch: It felt good to blog again. And it felt good that it felt good. I was scribbling down some ideas in my crabbed handwriting, but when it came to trying to expand on them, I just couldn’t. I need my laptop (her name is Sheba).

    Anne: You know, me and cable TV do have a very special relationship. I shouldn’t take it for granted. But it’s nothing like me and my laptop.

    cardiogirl: That’s hilarious. It was actually Junk Drawer Kathy who e-mailed me that quote of yours. It did sound vaguely familiar. “Good Thing” is an AWESOME song. Thank you, VH1 Classics! I love you too. It’s good to be back.

  19. 19 Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)

    My desktop computer is over 10 years old so I feel your pain. The funny thing is I sometimes catch myself using pen and paper but only to sketch things out if I’m on the train coming home. The sad thing is I have to find a receipt to write on that I can read again once I get back to the keyboard.
    .-= Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)´s last blog ..Spin Cycle- Running in circles =-.

  20. 20 meleah rebeccah

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. My laptop is also a WHO and not a WHAT and I couldn’t write/blog or even comment on other blogs if I was forced to use another!

    “Kitchen Nightmares taught me that Gordon Ramsey’s f-bombs get bleeped, but he can apparently call someone a “limp dick” with no repercussions.”

    AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA! That’s hilarious because its true!

    Welcome Back JD! Ive missed you!
    xoxoxo
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Staring At The Blank Page Before Me =-.

  21. 21 Kathleen Kaufman

    I live in fear because my laptop is actually one assigned to my by my workplace…thus it will one day have to be returned. I will cry when that happens because I love it so very much. In my fantasies I find a bag of cash on my doorstep and buy an Ipad with remote keyboard. Then again, sometimes I fantasize about taking that bag of cash and going grocery shopping for imported cheese and olives at Whole Foods…it would run about the same in terms of cash….

    I think Mel Gibson is evidence that once you unleash a racist rant there really is no rehabilitation – thus his big show about meeting with the local rabbi’s and taking sensitivity training blah blah blah years ago was useless.

    I also think that this proves that Whoopi Goldberg is officially a bag of crap too….first she defended Roman Polanski, and now she says Mel isn’t racist because he’s her friend. barf barf barf.
    .-= Kathleen Kaufman´s last blog ..My Neighbor is Not The Grim Sleeper…wheww =-.

  22. 22 Lauren

    My condolences. Are you going to have a service for your laptop? Will she be cremated or (the polar opposite) cryogenically frozen? Will her parts be donated to science? Did she have a donor card instead of a video card? Maybe that’s what killed her.

    I also have wondered why Chef Ramsey gets bleeped for the “f” word but not for “limp dick” or “shit.” The censors must have a potty fixation.

    As for your question about blogging on a strange computer, what do you consider a strange computer? – one that wears an overcoat and hangs out at playgrounds or a computer that violates the terms of its probation and ends up in jail? Oh, that was Lyndsay Lohan’s computer.

    It’s all so strange.
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Elzas Sizzling Performance at Danbury CityCenter Singes Eyebrows =-.

  23. 23 kathryn

    Uh. I know what you mean about leaving a post up FOREVER and then having temporary insanity and thinking that it was the BEST. Post. Ever….when there was simply nothing else to read at your site….so people kept commenting and commenting…even some who evidently didn’t read it very well the first time and commented twice.

    Not that this ever happened to YOU, mind you.

    Poor JD. You’ve suffered so much…and yet, NOT.

    ON DEMAND is da best….I’m now learning all about how many shows there are about OCD and people who hoard. The titles of the shows keep mixing me up and that’s how I find yet another!

    How could anyone ever say they’re bored??
    .-= kathryn´s last blog ..Connect the Dots =-.

  24. 24 Jen

    I was getting worried about you. I’m backwards, I have a hard time using my laptop to type. I keep hitting the navigation keys and end up typing withing a paragraph I had just typed. Plus, my daughter has commandeered my laptop so all it does now is go to the Webkinz site and YouTube to watch videos of Webkinz.

    I love On Demand. Have you watched Ancient Aliens on the History Channel? I have an awesome post in my head all about that.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Dead Things =-.

  25. 25 Katherine

    I never really thought about that! I use my laptop right now, but imagining using someone else’s computer to write..? Hmmm that is a great question. I know I couldn’t do it on my phone… too many typos!
    .-= Katherine´s last blog ..Here Comes Peter Cottontail… Grilled =-.

  26. 26 LJ

    My newest TV addiction is “True Blood” on HBO, but we don’t get that channel, so I have to download it to my laptop. Fine by me.

    And on a different note: I think the handwritten world is fast becoming obsolete. Shame really, but I can type WAY faster that I can write AND its more accurate. I’m a crappola speller.
    .-= LJ´s last blog ..Your Weekend Challenge =-.

  27. 27 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    Well now I’m going to have to see how many comments you got on your last post because now I’m curious.

    Also? Who the hell is the Topsy person who keeps pinging back?

    And how much TV can you expect to watch any more now that you’ve got your laptop back?

    Also? Welcome back to the internets. I think I speak for the internets when I say we’ve missed you and our backs are killing us since we started having to do things for ourselves.
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..My Kingdom for a Newspaper and other exclamations =-.

  28. 28 Nicky

    While I appreciate beyond words the things you do so I don’t have to, I could really have used some downtime recently!

    Now, about your laptop – I had to go into the basement to use my kid’s desktop to leave this comment. I was worried if I used my laptop, she might get upset. Yes, she has feelings. She sometimes gets a little insecure and distressed when reading about other laptops’ ailments. What can I say, she’s sensitive but I love her!

    Did I mention I could really have used some downtime recently??
    .-= Nicky´s last blog ..Please Forward This Again And Again And Again… =-.

  29. 29 Courtney P

    “And now I’ve got some big decisions to make. Hulu’s Hell’s Kitchen? Or On Demand’s The Sperminator?”

    I’m sorry, but when the word “sperm” is involved, I think the right choice is pretty obvious! :)

    And I LOATHE my shower curtain. I feel like everytime I take a shower, my husband has shimmied the rod up another several inches on the wall. I think it looks STUPID that high up and I stand there and stuggle (naked) trying to fix it. I suppose I could wait until I’m finished bathing, but anal retentiveness always comes before cleanliness.

  30. 30 absepa

    Yay! You’re back! We missed you.

    I had better start praying for the continued health of my laptop right now…we only have basic cable (22 channels, six of which are currently empty), and there is NEVER anything to watch. I would be in deep trouble if I was laptop-less.

    It must be New Shower Curtain time! I bought one over the weekend, but I haven’t had the heart to put it up yet. Such a struggle.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..They say knowledge is power =-.

  31. 31 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Hooray, you are back! Math is hard. But I did figure out your equation.

    We love On Demand! Now that we watched all of the Hoarders shows on A&E we have moved on to Obsessed. It has only affected my life a little bit. One two three. One two three. One two three. Tap tap tap, Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. One two three. One two three…
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Monday Funnies- =-.

  32. 32 annofthejunkdrawerblogfamily

    Try Hookless shower curtains. You spend about 30 seconds less time holding your arms up and balancing precariously on the side of the tub, thereby having more time for On Demand TV.

  33. 33 DrowseyMonkey

    lol…it’s very true! I did a similar post a few days ago about my laptop dying. I hate sitting at the desk computer … so foreign and uncomfy.
    .-= DrowseyMonkey´s last blog ..Menopausal Brain =-.

  34. 34 JD

    Christopher (AKA: CaJoh): Ten years old??? I didn’t know they could get that old. I will use an actual pen and paper to scribble down some notes too, but good luck trying to decipher them later.

    meleah rebeccah: I missed you too! And I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my inability to write on a strange computer.

    Kathleen Kaufman: Five or six years before I got this laptop, I was using a work laptop on borrowed time. Oh, how I loved it. But it was a tragic love — destined to end in heartbreak. Ideally I’d like to own about seven computers. I just don’t feel safe with just two. I’d also love a shopping spree at Whole Foods. THANK YOU for chiming in about Whoopie Goldberg. I read some of her comments and was enraged. Didn’t she say something like Polanski didn’t commit “rape rape”? Like it was play-rape, or something? So Mel Gibson probably isn’t a “racist racist.” They deserve to be friends.

    Lauren: Hee! Now I have visions of menacing “men in black”-type computers lurking in the alleys. No, my laptop is hanging in there. I revived her. For now. She’s on borrowed time, tho. I intend to make the most of our time together. I do love Ramsey’s The F Word because he’s allowed to do his thing, totally unbleeped.

    kathryn: Wait, whaddya mean ” . . . and yet, NOT”? Hmmm. So you’ve experienced the “EVERYONE LOVES THIS POST!” phenomenon, only to be crushed by reality. It has happened to me. I have suffered. I MEAN IT, I HAVE! Anyway, On Demand! Woo! It’s like this treasure chest of awesome science shows and crappy reality crap. I bless the day I discovered it.

    Jen: Do I need to know what Webkinz is? I think I do. I also need to find this Ancient Aliens show because that sounds freaking awesome. Aliens? Ancient ones? I’m there.

    Katherine: No, I can’t even send an e-mail on my iPod Touch. My fingers are too big and clumsy — and my eyeballs are too old to read the teeny tiny text. It can only be my laptop.

    LJ: Yes, I type much faster than I write. I’m a good speller either way, but there’s something about writing with my hand that messes me up. I guess it just seems so weird. What is in my brain and what comes out on paper are two different things. I’m curious about True Blood. I may have to add that to my Netflix queue.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): So many questions! I don’t know that Topsy person, but she/he seems harmless, so I allow the pings to appear. I feel that it makes me look important. Send me the chiropractor bills. It’s the least I can do.

    Nicky: Aw! I love how close you and your laptop are. It warms the cockles of my heart to know that such kind-hearted people exist. Would it help to know that my downtime was fraught with terror and frustration and worry over my laptop? On Demand helped quell the panic attacks, but it wasn’t exactly relaxing downtime.

    Courtney P: I agree. Anal retentiveness before cleanliness ALWAYS. I have total control over the shower curtain, but it’s still too high. If I put it any lower, the curtain drags on the floor. It’s just an all-around stupid situation. I want a sliding door, damn it.

    absepa: Basic cable??? Yikes. I thought I’d die when we got rid of our premium movie channels, but as long as we have VH1 Classics, Bravo, BBC, NatGeo, and . . . On Demand(!!!) I know I will be OK. Having said that, I pretty much watch all my TV on my laptop, so I understand your concerns. Let that new shower curtain sit a while. Wait until the time is just right. You know it’s going to be awful.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Well, I knew you would figure it out. You are the smartest curly cat I know. Now, about this tapping. I think you need a good dose of Gordon Ramsey or perhaps Naked News. Both are excellent cures for obsession.

    annofthejunkdrawerblogfamily: HOOKLESS??? I never knew such a thing existed! Why wasn’t I told? This is revolutionary. THANK YOU! I am Googling “hookless shower curtains” as I type.

    DrowseyMonkey: Yes, I heard you had some downtime yourself. I can’t believe I used to sit at that desktop regularly every day, for hours. Impossible.

  35. 35 Chris R.

    Oh my..
    Yo, where to get that Sperminator movie?

  36. 36 Tara

    Whoa, we’re having parallel laptop experiences! I can’t do anything on this stupid old PC. Fuzzy sound, clunky, and every few minutes it breaks into this loud, wheezing sound. Geez, it’s like having a second husband.

  37. 37 Super Mommie

    Shower curtains are the worst! I thought it was just me. I have to take a break and drink powerade afterwards.
    .-= Super Mommie´s last blog ..Who Needs A Fingertip =-.

  38. 38 Linda

    Well, apparently my welcome back comment mysteriously evaporated. Let’s try again.

    JD, I’m so glad you’re back. I had to do a lot of things while you were away. Now I can take it easy.

    Can I write or be creative on a strange computer? I have a desktop with a large screen and a 10-inch mini laptop. They are pretty much interchangeable post-wise, except I must do pictures from the desktop.

    On the other hand, hubby’s laptop runs Linux (yes, we have a mixed marriage), and everything is different. Plus the keyboard is different and weird things happen when I type. Creative issues – no. Typing frustration – yes.

  39. 39 Lin

    I was wondering what happened to you. I was hoping you weren’t broadcasting live from the hospital or on another naked holiday or anything else wacky like that .

    You know what is weird?? I can’t be creative on the laptop. Only the desktop. ‘Cuz that is where all my photos are and I like the clicky sound my keyboard makes. I’m all tippy-tappy and the family is all impressed because they think I’m pounding out a great post when I’m really just typing on the wrong keys and I have to keep going back to correct my spelling. So, it’s like I’m typing only 50 words, but it sounds impressively like I’m doing a 100. Sigh.

    Either way, I’m sorry to hear that your computer died and I hope you get it fixed or maybe you did already.

    I’m with you on Gordan Ramsey–I love how he swears worse than me. There aren’t many who do, you know.

    As for the shower curtain–I hate washing the liner because it makes my arms hurt AND there is no excitement like I just bought a new shower curtain and my bathroom might look like we updated it. Nope. We are just scum free and it requires a ton of upper body strength just to get that way.

    Glad you’re back, pally.
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..He aint heavyhes my butterfly =-.

  40. 40 JamaicaJB

    The Sperminator? Which version? 1985 or 2005. Believe me…there’s a difference!

  41. 41 Lidian

    I can only work on my computer too and I get very crabby when am separated from it (we are very close) – and not only this but in unerring fashion have revived my blog activities JUST when am about to be parted from said computer for a few days. No, I could not wait. Because I – wait. I do not know why.

    And I do not even get Hulu anyway because Hulu hates Canada!

    I will be back to visit (with perhaps better comments, but perhaps not) next week…here’s hoping your laptop is all better very soon :)
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..What Not To Wear- Magical Edition =-.

  42. 42 finallygettingtoeven.com

    Welcome back!

    I think using a different computer is like trying to drive someone else’s car, you can do it but it feels funny and you feel out of place. You get comfy with your own stuff and it is hard to change.

  43. 43 JD

    Chris R.: Yo, On Demand! Or possibly that seedy adult video store on the corner.

    Tara: Oh, man! Loud, wheezing sound? Does it sound like Mel Gibson? Because that could actually be fairly entertaining.

    Super Mommie: HAR! I usually take to my bed for several hours at least. And rest my arms.

    Linda: Oooh, Linux! I wouldn’t even know where to begin. At least you only have typing issues. And that’s a pretty big issue. Anyway, thanks for making the effort to RE-welcome me back. Everyone can relax now.

    Lin: Wait, you WASH your liner? I just replace it every few months. Oh, I think I’ve washed it once or twice, but sometimes it gets to the point where it’s better to dispose of it — and fast. (Why is soap scum so gross?) ANYway, that’s interesting that you enjoy mistyping. It would drive me crazy, I think. My laptop is fixed, but it’s temporary, so I’m making the most of our relationship.

    JamaicaJB: Well, dude, you need to tell me! I didn’t know there were two versions. C’mon: spill!

    Lidian: I HATE that Hulu hates Canada! It’s so unfair! Your comment was just fine. I feel for your poor laptop situation. That’s unfair too. Why must we grow so close to our beloved computers?

    finallygettingtoeven.com: Thank you! Exactly! I like the car analogy. Also I get very nervous driving other people’s cars because I tend to speed. You really need to know your car very well if you’re going to be driving over 80 through neighborhood streets.

  44. 44 Maureen

    Ahahahaha! Oh JD that was great… and yes, I have to agree to the shower curtain hanging. I hate it so much I don’t even close those stupid wire hanger-thingys anymore… my arms ache too much too! And I stand on a chair when I do it (yes, I AM short).
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..Dont Believe The Myth =-.

  45. 45 Florida Girl in Sydney

    Well hellllloooo there! Glad to see I didn’t miss too much the very important things you do so I don’t have to!!! I don’t think I could write on a foreign computer… definitely not on an ipad for sure.

    We have “on demand” here on stupid Foxtel (owned by Fox of course)– it’s got like six shows in it– LITERALLY! Total waste, but they can claim they have on demand. Oh, and you can actually buy one of about six pay per view movies on demand also– and porn of course, well duh on that one.
    .-= Florida Girl in Sydney´s last blog ..Winter Festival at Bondi Beach &amp Good Food and Wine Show =-.

  46. 46 JD

    Maureen: I should stand on a chair. It would probably at least ease the aching in my arms. But what about my carpal tunnel syndrome? Someone’s gotta come up with a better way.

    Florida Girl in Sydney: No, you haven’t missed too much, sad to say! Dave is watching On Demand right now EVEN AS I TYPE. It’s “Jerry Springer’s Hypnotizing Hotties.” And there’s a lot of naked fighting. And ugly people. Much like the regular Jerry Springer, I guess.

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