I’ll Say “No” to Drugs

But I never touched nothin’
That my spirit could kill

How many times has this happened to you?

You’re at the airport, heading home after a wonderful vacation in a tropical land, when all of the sudden:

“FREEZE! DROP THE BAG! HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD! ON THE GROUND!”

I reckon if it’s happened at all, it’s only happened once. Because after this? You’re in a foreign prison for the rest of your life.

In other words, you are:

Locked! Up! Abroad!

I think we can all agree that being locked up is bad. But being Locked! Up! Abroad! is much, much worse. If you don’t believe me, you’d better start watching my new favorite show on the NatGeo channel:

Locked! Up! Abroad!

(OK, the title doesn’t have all those exclamation points, but it should, because it’s just that awesome.)

Each episode features one of two scenarios:

  1. Hapless Western tourists are taken hostage in a foreign land
  2. Stupid Western tourists try to smuggle drugs from a foreign land

Scenario 1 is harrowing. Here are these innocent people who are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. They’ve done nothing wrong. They are truly victims.

But the people in Scenario 2? They are STUPID IDIOTS! They are lured by money and a vacation to STRAP illegal drugs onto their person (or sometimes INSERT illegal drugs into their person) and transport those drugs into another country.

The stories are the same. Bored Westerner wants adventure and money. Decides to travel to exotic locale. Meets up with shady character. Agrees to “carry a package.” Regrets decision but feels trapped. Sweats a lot. Has at least one opportunity to back out but blows it. Heads to the airport.

For maximum tension, they always make it past one checkpoint. Maybe they fool the drug dog or get through customs. But then comes the long arm of the law. No, I mean, literally, this long arm reaches from off-screen and nabs the would-be mule.

We’ve all watched that scene from Midnight Express. Is there anything more delightful than smugly sitting in your living room, knowing you have done and will do many, many stupid things in your life but nothing so stupid as this?

And now it’s time for the foreign prison scenes. It boggles my mind how people even survive one day of this, much less years. What would you do? I’d curl up in a corner and pretend I was dead. I simply couldn’t function. From what I’ve seen of prison movies, you have to act tough. I suck at acting tough. It’s hard to act tough when you’re trying to pretend you’re dead.

But these people survive. They serve their time and are eventually released. But their lives are never the same.

Drug traffickers must HATE this show!

Not Scared Straight Yet? Watch These!
  • Brokedown Palace. Will Claire Danes take the fall so Kate Beckinsale can go free? WOULD YOU?
  • Return to Paradise. Will Vince Vaughan go back to Thailand to reduce Joaquin Phoenix’s sentence? WOULD YOU?
  • Oz. Will Beecher hold still for his butt tattoo? WOULD YOU?
If You Want to Avoid Being Locked! Up! Abroad!
  • Don’t wear sunglasses through customs.
  • If the soundtrack music suddenly turns into a rapidly increasing heartbeat, they’re on to you, man!
  • Don’t get too cocky once you’ve passed through security. They’ll get you on the tarmac!
  • Stop sweating! They’re on to you, man!

_______________________________

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58 Comments


58 Responses to “I’ll Say “No” to Drugs”

  1. 1 flit

    I’m thinking that somehow ‘splaining at the border that you said no so that we don’t have to is not going to work so well.

    flit’s last blog post..Finding Focus

  2. 2 Maureen

    Yikes! Airport security is frightening enough without even THINKING about smuggling…

    Crap, I get nervous thinking my hand lotion MAY IN FACT be over 3 oz. What are they going to do to me????

    Yes, I AM a wuss.

    Maureen’s last blog post..Boxing Day

  3. 3 Jenn Thorson

    I used to work for a supervisor who was from India. And we’d travel to various business meetings. Well, my boss knew very well that because of his difficult-to-pinpoint looks– Is he middle-eastern? Is he Spanish?– he would inevitably have a hard time getting into or out of the country.

    “Just go ahead without me,” he’d say. “Pretend you don’t know me.” Because he just knew he was going to be waylaid as suspicious at some point.

    If he’d have tried drug smuggling? He never ever would have made it.

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Seizing the Plastic Throne of Power and Other Public Transit Strategem

  4. 4 Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    I can’t say I’ve been locked up in a foreign country, but once in China a taxi cab driver locked my luggage in the trunk and wanted to charge me to open it. I became the Ugly American by necessity.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..A Mostfina Christmas

  5. 5 The Incredible Woody

    You mean that package wasn’t a family heirloom that I was bringing to his mother???

    The Incredible Woody’s last blog post..Best of Christmas 2008

  6. 6 Susan

    One foreign-prison movie that needs to be added to your list: Papillon.

    Susan’s last blog post..Uniquely Chic

  7. 7 Daisy

    I been wondering why it’s always “A Broad” that gets locked up. Next time, they should Lock Up A Gent.

    ps: Here is more good advice. Those cute doggies you see in airports? It is best not to pet them. Or give them Milk Bones.

    Daisy’s last blog post..Monkey Business

  8. 8 Natural

    Never watched the show, I don’t even know how to find that channel, but I’ll see if I can make a mental note to watch out for it. I’d like to see one: “Freeze, you’re under arrest, sugar!” Who said that? or drop the bag…

    Funny: (or sometimes INSERT illegal drugs into their person).

    Are drugs that good. I mean, hello.

    Natural’s last blog post..Should You Care What Other People Think?

  9. 9 Regan

    Is this a real show? I don’t smuggle things into countries. But when I was in Cancun and going through customs and stuff I was afraid they’d arrest me for my can of Pringles. It scared me. And the no cell phone signs?

    There were at least 5 people on their cell phones.

  10. 10 Brooke

    My grandma has a metal knee so everytime we fly they have to wand her and pat her down and that takes at least 10 minutes. Why can’t they just let her show she has proof and let her through so my family can go in peace? Please people from the airport dont think that just because she has a metal knee that you need to feel her up and arrest her.

  11. 11 JD

    flit: Yeah . . . somehow I doubt those drug enforcement guys are going to let you off the hook that easily. Um, maybe if you offer them an I Do Things keychain?

    Maureen: I know! I always feel guilty going thru security, even tho I’ve got nothing to hide. I am a wuss, too. Tho I’ve usually taken my flying sedative by then, so I’m a fairly calm wuss.

    Jenn Thorson: Oh, that’s a sad story. Poor guy.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life: That’s kind of scary. How did you get it out?

    The Incredible Woody: HA! Always ask to see the contents of the package.

    Susan: OH! YEAH! I forgot about that. And that’s a great movie. Dang.

    Daisy: I agree. Why do us broads always have to take the fall? And thank you so much for the advice. I don’t even like looking at those dogs. They are Very Scary.

    Natural: Excellent point. Are drugs that good? I certainly wouldn’t know.

    Regan: It is indeed a real show. And the next time I’m in an airport and hear “DROP THE PRINGLES CAN!” I’ll know they’e nabbed this time.

    Brooke: That’s pretty rude. They certainly should allow people with metal in their bodies to show some kind of proof. Poor Grandma!

  12. 12 JD

    i once got caught breaking 7 traffic laws at once

    in japan

    for that they let you off

    for an ounce of weed

    prison

    JD’s last blog post..Temptation Island

  13. 13 Lola

    Thank you for including “Return to Paradise”, you saved me from wracking my brain for the actors and googling it. Awesome movie by the way.

    I have a back brace and have the pleasure of going to court at least on a monthly basis because of my exhb’s shenanigans. So I have the ultimate pleasure of being taken aside by the sheriff to be ‘wanded’. The 100 other people in line think I am some criminal trying to smuggle in knife or a camera phone. Hey, come to think of it, I could wedge a cell phone along the side seam where the buckles are. Yeah, because I want to take a picture of the nasty judge ordering the bailiff to take my exhb away in handcuffs for smartin off. Dang it I left the courtroom too soon last time. The exhb did finally shut up, thus narrowly avoiding arrest. But he is about to wet himself at the prospect of having to appear in court on New Year’s Eve. Funny how agreeable he is all of a sudden.

    I do lead quite the interesting life and I promise not to test out hiding the cell phone in my brace.

    Lola’s last blog post..Your Blog Is Fabulous Award

  14. 14 Just a Blogger

    I love that show too! I totally have to agree with you about the stupid idiots smuggling drugs. Honestly how dumb can you be?

    Just a Blogger’s last blog post..Snow Storms Cause Work

  15. 15 absepa

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has thought about what I would do in prison! Acting tough is pretty much impossible for someone who’s naturally quiet and mild-mannered. I would probably just ball up in the corner and cry. With my luck, tho, some tough prison chick would probably want to fight me. I’ve never been in a fight in my life, so I would be toast.

    absepa’s last blog post..This is What Happens When I Have Free Time

  16. 16 Stephanie Barr

    I don’t do drugs in any form or fashion either. Of course, I have the most innocent and trustworthy face imaginable so no one would suspect me, but the mental anguish and fear would be sufficient to make it not worth the trouble, even if I were successful.

    I am NOT a gambler. I’m scared enough about what’s outside my control abroad. I sure as heck ain’t taking any chances (except with cheese because European cheese are the best). I hate the notion of what would happen if I missed my flight – can’t imagine (and don’t want to) how I’d feel if I were in prison.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..The Solar Sail that Never Was

  17. 17 Babs - beetle

    Would you believe, when I flew to France from the UK the security frightened me! Their stern, unfriendly faces. And I got frisked! Me! And I look so innocent – well, that’s because I am :O)

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Improve your EC dropping experience.

  18. 18 Musing

    I’m so glad you did this for me! Otherwise, I could never travel abroad, since I have such a hard time saying no to people.

  19. 19 Puglette

    Hi JD, thank you so much for watching this show for me. I have been tempted, but I refrain from watching because my hubby thinks it’s a little crazy to yell at the TV. I would be calling these people names and telling them I think they are dumb to carry drugs through an airport in a foreign country! I read Midnight Express way back in the 70′s and realized I was much too soft to spend time in jail.

    also, Charlie and Ollie accept the invitation to sun with gus and Pru. Please be advised that Charlie toots in her sleep…and then she gives the nearest human the stink eye for disturbing her nap.
    hugs,
    puglette
    :o)

    Puglette’s last blog post..The Sunny Spot

  20. 20 ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily

    My husband has been to China twice within the past 2 years. I got freaked out when he considered packing peanut butter in his suitcase! All I could imagine was his being whisked away, cell phone thrown in the garbage and I having no way of contacting him. I would have had to call my congressman and beg for his life. So, no, I would never consider smuggling drugs. I Am A Crybaby.

    Regan, where are those Pringles?! Are they under your bed with the Hershey kisses and Cancun slippers?

  21. 21 Kathy, The JunkDrawerBlogFamily Matriarch

    Midnight Express. Freaked. Me. Out. Like Absepa, I would ball up in a corner and cry until no more tears came out. I would dehydrate myself and then die and that would be better than life in a foreign prison. Yeah. Crybaby here.

    I love how the junkdrawerblog family discusses their hidden candy and snack stashes in other people’s blogs. Those silly people. Who are they anyway?

    Kathy, The JunkDrawerBlogFamily Matriarch’s last blog post..I Made the Paper!

  22. 22 JD

    JD: Yeah, I don’t necessarily agree with the severity of some countries’ drug sentences. Now, just what were these 7 traffic laws?

    Lola: Wow! You do lead an interesting life. But, please, don’t try the cell phone thing. It’s just not worth it.

    Just a Blogger: Dumb and greedy. I mean, we’re talking THE DEATH PENALTY in some countries, people!!!

    absepa: I’d be toast, too. Getting hit HURTS! How do people manage? I mean, maybe if someone made me mad enough, but I can’t imagine anger being my chief emotion. Just weeping.

    Stephanie Barr: You know, I heard National Geographic is starting a new series: Locked Up Abroad: European Cheese Crimes. You may want to take a look.

    Babs – beetle: Of course, you are! Those mean security men! How dare they look sternly at you!

    Musing: I have trouble saying no, too. It’s hard for me to be rude to people—if it comes to that. But if I had to be rude to stay out of a foreign prison, I could probably do it.

    Puglette: My husband and I have watched a few episodes together and do indeed yell lustily at the screen. Prudence challenges Charlie to a tooting contest (and my bet’s on her. She doesn’t even wait till she’s asleep—she just lets ‘em rip at will).

    ann of the junkdrawerblogfamily: I don’t even know how effective calling your congressman or contacting the US Embassy even is. If you’re convicted for peanut butter trafficking, there’s not much hope.

    Kathy: For a long time, all I ever saw of Midnight Express was that scene. Then I finally got up the courage to watch the whole thing. Then I started ripping thru episodes of “Oz” and I was hooked.

  23. 23 yellojkt

    I saw Midnight Express as a teenager and it scared the crap out of me. Five years ago, when we came back from Paris I was pulled off the plane and interrogated because my name was on a watch list. I was terrified.

    yellojkt’s last blog post..Thousand Mile Ride

  24. 24 Stephanie Barr

    I declared it. I picked up perfectly nonremarkable cheeses; they never even checked the bags.

  25. 25 Tim

    Being a drug mule – nothing compared to a poor, abused drug beaver.
    Us Canadians have to watch out driving to the States. It has been known that unscrupulous personages might attach a package to the underside of a vehicle with Canadian plates, follow it across the border into our country and then retrieve their goods. If it makes it across, that is. That’s why we gotta have that last visit with Grannie before she goes on vacation to Montana, just in case she gets thrown in the slammer when she tries to return to Alberta.

    Tim’s last blog post..Bizarre Text Messaging Deaths and Other Weirdities

  26. 26 Tom @ Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations

    JD– I feel compelled to add, while I’m flailing around looking for my
    TV so I can watch this show, that no matter how badly one has to go to the bathroom after the plane lands, please resist the impulse to
    duck into the toilet before customs. In Stockholm. But if you must, don’t take 15 mins changing your clothes in there because you’re still in the shorts you were wearing in Greece and you’ve belatedly realized that it’ll be much colder (maybe I – I mean ‘you’- were distracted by an argument with the flight attendants over a supposed beer shortage on the airplane). And also please don’t flippantly reply, when asked by customs what the 100 scraps of paper are that fly out of your backpack, “Notes from Underground”.
    But if it’s too late ’cause all that’s already happened, don’t get too excited that the really tall blond woman is ‘checking you out’, because it will be a customs agent of an entirely different gender that takes you into a small room with garish lighting for your impersonal Scandinavian strip search. Just trying to be helpful JD.
    (Also, I have mixed feelings about living in a world where ‘wanded’ is a legitimate verb..)

    Tom @ Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations’s last blog post..Zodiac Matches for Men Born Under the Pig Sign

  27. 27 ettarose

    JD, take it from me, I have been to jail so you don’t have to! I am an innocent too. I never even had a paring ticket!. Drugs are so not worth it. I was only in county jail. I would curl up and die in a foreign prison. Shivering!

    ettarose’s last blog post..Walmart Sucks Golf Balls Through A Garden Hose!

  28. 28 cardiogirl

    “Oz. Will Beecher hold still for his butt tattoo? WOULD YOU?”

    Yes. If I were in a prison like the one in Oz, I would totally hold still for a butt tattoo.

    First, I think it would give me some street cred there in the clank.

    Secondly, I could hide the fact that I had a tat, or whip it out when the mood struck me — the best of both worlds.

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..I thought this was common knowledge

  29. 29 Father Muskrat

    Truly brilliant advice. Thank you.

  30. 30 Father Muskrat

    I lied once at customs and said I’d bought nothing when really, I had: a dirty t-shirt depicting a sodomy scene with the words “men at work” at the bottom. There’s no telling what would have happened if I’d been caught.

  31. 31 MomZombie

    I learned the hard way that when a U.S. Customs official asks if you are bringing back any fruit or monkeys (monkeys!) you DO NOT LAUGH AND MAKE SARCASTIC REMARKS. I did so upon returning from Europe in the ’80s and was whisked into a room and questioned for a few minutes. It was probably a slow day and they were bored and wanted to scare the monkeys right out of me. Either way, I am a non-laughing, non-sarcastic traveler when faced with any customs and security official.

  32. 32 Canucklehead

    Once again I’m afraid you have done something for me so I didn’t have to that I had no intention of doing? Say no to drugs?! What the sweet hell?
    That being said, I’m sad to admit that despite my macho exterior – I too am a wuss. My wife now makes me pull over before we cross any borders since she got stuck paying duty of some clothes due to my bumbling ….
    Drug smuggling? Not a chance.

    Canucklehead’s last blog post..Homance

  33. 33 JD

    yellojkt: Holy crap! Yeah, you looked really “terrifying” in that photo you posted. Man, if I ever got pulled aside like that, I kid you not, I would die of fright. (Loved the “Naked Flying” link!)

    Stephanie Barr: Well, there go my hopes for the “European Cheese” edition of Locked Up Abroad. Hmmph.

    Tim: Wow, I never realized Canadians lived in such constant fear. And what is it with these poor Grandmas? Getting frisked at the airport and thrown in the slammer? LEAVE OUR GRANDMOTHERS ALONE!

    Tom @ Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations: OK, that was hilarious. PLEASE tell me that a camera crew was following you that day and that I can look forward to seeing an episode titled “Strip Searched in Sweden” starring . . . YOU!

    ettarose: OMG! What were you in jail for? That’s so scary. I’ve gotten exactly one ticket in my life for not having an updated sticker. It was terrifying. I couldn’t handle even a county jail. TELL ME MORE!

    cardiogirl: I dunno. That particular tattoo kind of made Beecher look like Schillinger’s bitch—which he totally was. I am really wanting to rewatch “Oz,” now.

    Father Muskrat: You are very lucky, my friend. You might have had some firsthand “men at work” experience in prison had you been caught.

    MomZombie: MONKEYS??? WTH? How can you not laugh if someone asks if you brought back monkeys? Geez. And that was in the 80s? I can understand being careful about jokes and sarcasm these days, but come ON! MONKEYS???

    Canucklehead: I first read that as “paying duty of some clothes due to my bombing.” Well, it’s good to know that you’re not a drug smuggler at least.

  34. 34 Brooke

    i am also afraid that they are going to take my make up away, and that would be really bad for me.

  35. 35 Steve | Kindledude

    I once had my suitcase searched on a train going from France to Switzerland. I’ve even had my bag searched at the US-Canada border. I had nothing even remotely suspicious in any case (I’m rather boringly law-abiding), but anyone is nuts who thinks that they can cross international borders without a fairly good risk of getting searched by people who know what they’re doing.

    Sounds like my kind of show, by the way–I’ll try to! catch! it!

    Steve | Kindledude’s last blog post..The Last Colony by John Scalzi

  36. 36 Tom @ Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations

    Nah JD, sorry, no cameras– that was before I got big, I mean when I licked my own stamps and stuff, before my old q-tips(tm) started winding up on E-Bay… Anyway I have another one, oddly also true, also not on the old resume, about leaving Mexico once when my buddy *forgot* to pull into secondary inspection (happens all the time) and we went swerving east along the border as he tried his darnedest to make the magnetized pyramid on the hood by which we would have been identified at secondary as ‘They Who Likely Have Way Too Many Bottles of Liquor Buried in the Cadillac. Plus Bodies Also. Bust These Bastards, Would Ya?’, fall off. Finally hadda stop and throw it (pyramid, not liquor!) back over the fence. Well I think we’d all agree: There are sooo many ways to leave Mexico, aren’t there?

    Later over Swedish slams at Denny’s, when the conversation waned, I asked my buddy Why and he said slowly, so I would get it first try, ‘They would’ve found all the bottles, for sure.’

    Tom @ Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations’s last blog post..Zodiac Matches for Men Born Under the Pig Sign

  37. 37 Wayne John

    I’m glad you can say no, I never could…

    Going thru the airport with any type of illegals is just stupid these days. You may have gotten away with it in the 70′s, but its never a good idea these days.

    That’s why you get your own plane to fly back from Columbia!

    Wayne John’s last blog post..You Won’t Find This On A Mommy Blog

  38. 38 Preston

    I’ve never seen that show but I know I wouldn’t like being locked up a broad. Could you imagine, me in prison all in drag? I mean, it’s bad enough being locked up as a guy but to have to do it as a broad is just unthinkable. That was what you were talking about, isn’t it?

    Preston’s last blog post..Two Very Different Christmases

  39. 39 Christa at Giggle On

    I don’t have cable so I’ll have to come to your place to watch it.

    But…

    How about a new episode called: Blonde Broads, Locked Up! Abroad!

    I imagine Reese Witherspoon in the movie roll, playing her best Elle Woods, and trying to figure out a way to manicure her nails while locked up.

    Christa at Giggle On’s last blog post..Ho Ho Ho (does Jesus eat cake?)

  40. 40 Stephanie Barr

    Since my comments are kind of benign, and I’ve cheated you out of your European Cheese edition of Locked Up Abroad, I have a special bonus story to explain exactly how intrepid I’m not.

    I had a friend in college who seemed to be dogged by life-threatening circumstances that left him unmoved. I’ll spare you the near miss with the shark and some other dangerous animal I can’t recall anyway (and he was always in the presence of his father – which may be significant). One day, his father is driving a truck along a bayou in Mississippi (which is sort of like a creek except extra swampy, sluggish and filled with icky things) when his father drives off the road and lands in the middle of it and sinks to the bottom.

    Dad, not wearing his seatbelt, slips through the window and swims to shore safely while his 12 year old son (my friend) can’t get his released. The kid looks through the windshield and sees an alligator swimming by.

    At that point, I told him, I would have been done. I would have screamed and happily drowned, leaving myself as a morsel for the alligator. My friend, just wiggled out from under his seatbelt, waited until the alligator swam one direction and then swam the other.

    I figure that’s something we can both be grateful he did so we didn’t have to.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..The Solar Sail that Never Was

  41. 41 Online bingo

    I’d done many stupid things in my life but I’ll never do that, I couldn’t live 1 day in prison, that is horrible, I say NO too :)

    Online bingo’s last blog post..Win £2009 in 2009

  42. 42 Jen

    Thanks, now I know I’m not the stupidest person on the planet. I went on a cruise 20 some years ago and a friend of mine actually got through the whole mess with a bunch of weed some local gave her as a gift. She was the kind of person who could do that sort of thing. I was not. Luckily she didn’t tell me about it until after the fact. Had I known I would have blown the whole thing. It wasn’t enough to get her jail time in this country but probably would have put her away in that country. I’m nervous just talking about it here. I’m such a weenie.

    Jen’s last blog post..I’m a Weeble

  43. 43 JD

    Brooke: That would be bad. That would be so much worse than being sent to a foreign prison. Maybe you could work out a deal. They let you keep your makeup, but you have to stay in a foreign prison for 3 years. Does that seem fair?

    Steve | Kindledude: Yes! You! Should! Watch! It! You can live a more dangerous and thrilling life vicariously through the people who are not so boringly law-abiding.

    Tom @ Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations: Nothing against Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations, but I am wondering why you’re not blogging about being strip-searched and swerving along the Mexican border with bottles and bodies in your trunk.

    Wayne John: HA! You know all the tricks, don’t you. Back in the early 90′s I was actually allowed on a flight from Miami Airport without any picture ID. My husband said, helplessly, “She’s my wife.” I guess that was enough! Wouldn’t happen today.

    Preston: Um . . . yeah . . . that’s what the show is about. Men who are forced to enter prison in full drag. Let the games begin! I’m trying to remember if any of the guys on “Oz” ever—YES! There was a whole faction of drag queens. They were fabulous and everyone left them alone. However, you might not be so lucky in a non-TV prison.

    Christa at Giggle On: Oh, I think you’re definitely on to something. And she meets all kinds of tough blonde broads whom she wins over with her charming smile and hairstyling abilities. Then they all perform “Mama Mia” for the prison talent show. AWESOME!

    Stephanie Barr: Wow. You hang out with the most interesting people. Yeah, I think I would have swallowed a bunch of swampy water and called it a day.

    Online bingo: Let’s all say NO! We will NOT be Locked! Up! Abroad! EVER!

    Jen: Yikes. I’m nervous just reading that! I know someone who went off with a Jamaican cab driver (on vacation) to smoke some weed. The guy took her and her friend to a dilapidated building WAY far away from the resorts. She lived to tell the tale (and apparently had the experience of a lifetime), but you couldn’t pay me to do that.

  44. 44 Angi

    Oh, JD, if you only KNEW how many times I’ve been Locked! Up! Abroad!…I kid, I kid. That show sounds highly entertaining, though, one you’d watch to learn why YOUR life really isn’t all THAT bad, comparatively. ;-)

    Angi’s last blog post..The Birds and the Bees…Squared.

  45. 45 sandy

    wow I am glad I read the comments about not laughing if the customs officer asks you if you are bringing in monkeys, cuz I would have cracked up to that one and made some really stupid joke I know. Now, I know…. SHUT UP STUPID!

    sandy’s last blog post..Merry Christmas Everyone

  46. 46 ettarose

    JD, I’ll tell you what. I will do a post and tell the story. I have once but that story died with my first blog. I’ll see what I can do.

    ettarose’s last blog post..Are You Funny?

  47. 47 Lin

    I’ve linked you on my blog today. Just a little “thanks” for the laughs that you bring me all of the time! Happy New Year!

    Lin’s last blog post..If you’re good, we’ll get TWO boxes next year

  48. 48 Tiggy

    Good advice as ever, JD. I knew Mr Tiggy shouldn’t have worn that t-shirt with ‘Amsterdam’ emblazoned across it as we went through US Customs last week. The Customs guy pounced on him like a sniffer dog on a kilo of hash.

    Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Twelve Days of Christmas

  49. 49 Jeff

    There’s no way I’m going to try to fly internationally. I couldn’t even make it through the mini airport here in St. Cloud without them confiscating my toothpaste and shaving cream. With my luck I’d be locked up in a Turkish prison no matter where I tried to go.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Thank you… I’ll be your entertainment for the evening.

  50. 50 Lola

    Done with court in record time. Didn’t wear the back brace, stashing the cell phone would have been quite tempting, but I wanted to get in and out quickly and really didn’t want to be ‘wanded’. (Those sheriff deputies enjoy it way too much.)

    Exhb was terrified of being in the courtroom, told me I had to do all the talking. Which of course I was glad to do. He even told me we had to sit on the same side of the courtroom so the judge would get the idea that we were getting along. LOL! I got my way (for once), got the judge to sign off on everything and we were done before our actual court time.

    I did have to suffer through supervising his visitation with the kids, but I did get a free breakfast out of it.

    Lola’s last blog post..New Year’s Eve Memories

  51. 51 JD

    sandy: HA! Right! SHUT UP STUPID! (That “STUPID” was not directed at you but me, obviously). It’s bad enough that I’m always tempted to make some kind of joke during customs and security. Now they have to bring monkeys into it!

    ettarose: Yes, please! Oh, I can’t wait. Not that I derive pleasure from other people’s imprisonment or anything.

    Angi: Yes, exactly. It makes you feel sooo lucky to live a boring suburban life. It’s a great show, tho you kind of start to see a pattern after a while.

    Lin: Oh, thank you so much! Happy New Year to you, too!

    Tiggy: And what did he find? If I know Mr Tiggy (and I don’t), I bet he didn’t disappoint those customs guys and their dogs. Was it monkeys? I bet it was monkeys.

    Jeff: Heh. Oh, dear. Why does the thought of you getting locked up in a Turkish prison no matter where you tried to fly funny to me? At least you’re tall. You can look intimidating. Just don’t grow back the mullet. That’s not so intimidating.

    Lola: Awesome. Thanks for the lowdown. And free breakfast—sounds like a perfect day!

  52. 52 Jen

    I think we have the same friend. It happened the same way.

    Jen’s last blog post..The Laundromat

  53. 53 Maureen

    Happy New Year JD!!!

    Maureen’s last blog post..Lessons Learned Over The Holidays

  54. 54 JD

    Jen: Uh oh. Details, please.

    Maureen: Happy New Year to you, too!!!

  55. 55 criminal justice degree

    Oh yeah, we are on to you!

    Dumb, dumb criminals! In my hometown there was once a man who called the police to report that his son had stolen his Marijuana.

  56. 56 JD

    criminal justice degree: ACK! You’re everywhere! So . . . did that guy get his marijuana back or what?

  57. 57 Brad

    Never did drugs; don’t do ‘em now; and never will.
    But once I DID wear shades while passing through customs and was wearing my torn jeans and yep I got checked BIG time. Worse for me was I was already in my HOME country!

  58. 58 Libra Man

    I’m in Egypt right now, when I left the US I was searched all over and unpacked everything plus had my stuff xrayed twice! Then I get through customs in Greece on the stopover and unpack my bag to find a full aerosol can and a lighter that I had forgotten to take out of hand luggage! No idea how that wasn’t spotted or what trouble I could have gotten if discovered on the plane!
    .-= Libra Man´s last blog ..Daily Horoscope For Libra =-.


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