I Wish You a JD Christmas

Christmas time is here
Something . . . something CHEER!

x-mas card

Wow! It’s time for . . .

10 Mysterious Christmas Facts about JD!

  1. I once “ruined Christmas” by finding an unwrapped Crissy doll in my mom’s closet. Crissy dolls had hair that you could make longer by pulling it out through a hole in the skull. I pulled a little too hard.
  2. I don’t like A Christmas Story.
  3. I don’t like Crissy dolls.
  4. Although I can’t remember the year I learned there was no Santa Claus or even how I felt about it, I do recall with frightening clarity the exact moment I discovered that the Partridge Family didn’t all do their own singing. Devastating. “I MUST sleep over at Marcia’s!” I dramatically proclaimed to my mom.
  5. My favorite gifts are cash and, apparently, foreign cake:

j with cake

Is that only 5? Well, look, y’all, this is my busy season. I’ve been donning the halls, walking in a winter wonderland, asking people, “Do you hear what I hear? (the voices . . . THE VOICES!), going to a birthday party at the home of Farmer Gray (it really was the perfect ending to a perfect day), eating figgy pudding (thanks, HEATHER!), checking my list . . . oh, wait, that’s Santa.

My point is, this is no time to be ungrateful. Lookit all I’ve done for you over the years!

Since July 2007, your JD gave to you:

12 strips of bacon

11 lawsuits pending

10 eargasms

9 rock star bulges

8 meaty prime ribs

7 hairy inches (EW!)

6 cookies baking

5 VI-CO-DINS! (X 5,000)

4 cat puke hash browns

3 Bumpits bumping

2 sardines stinking

And a JD on a nude beach!!!

tree 5

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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59 Comments


59 Responses to “I Wish You a JD Christmas”

  1. 1 absepa

    Your carol is MUCH better than the actual “12 Days of Christmas,” which kind of makes me want to shoot myself if I have to listen to the whole thing.

    Sorry about your bad Crissy doll experience. I had a Baby Crissy doll and she was one of my faves, even though I broke the hair-growing apparatus pretty quickly.

    Merry Christmas!
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Christmas in my corner =-.

  2. 2 Susan

    From now on anytime I hear the real 12 days of Christmas I’m singing “5 VIC-O-DINS!” instead of the stupid rings or whatever it is.

    Merry Christmas, thanks for all that you do for us!
    .-= Susan´s last blog ..Snow = Food =-.

  3. 3 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Merry Happy Christmas to you!
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Have a Pretty Pink Holiday! =-.

  4. 4 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    I had a fake Barbie. What was her name? Midge? And I took her over to my best friend Patty’s house and found that she had gotten the Genuine barbie AND every single Barbie accessory ever made, including Ken and all the Barbie shoes and Barbie clothes. She even had the car and the house and the clothes had their own closet.

    Umm… what was I going to say? I forgot.

    Merry Christmas Eve, JD!
    .-= Barb – WillThink4Wine´s last blog ..Letters to Santa =-.

  5. 5 Grace

    Merry Happy Christmas to you and yours…
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..For My Brother Who Lives In Florida =-.

  6. 6 Lidian

    Have a brilliant Christmas, JD! Hope your stocking is filled with foreign cake (actually that sounds really odd, and there’s probably a joke in there somewhere even though that isn’t even what I meant, I am partial to Japanese cakes so I understand entirely and…oh never mind, I’m way too tired and there is pastry dough all over the kitchen, good thing the cats dislike anything but tuna…)

    Anyway, have a wonderful holiday!
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..The Annual Christmas Pop-Up =-.

  7. 7 dcr

    Why? Why, oh, why? Why did you have to mention the rock star bulges? I had successfully wiped that whole escapade from my memory banks and here you go and refresh it.

    Merry Christmas anyway. ;)
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Merry Holiday Celebrations =-.

  8. 8 Comedy Plus

    May you and yours have a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. :)

  9. 9 dcr

    I bet JD is on tape delay. (Post scheduling)

    I won’t reveal how I figured it out. (You ARE being closely monitored.) ;)

    Busted! (Thanks Kermit!)
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Merry Holiday Celebrations =-.

  10. 10 Tiggy

    Merry X, JD! May your Christmas presents be green and foldy, or spongy and foreign.

    :)
    .-= Tiggy´s last blog ..Meat Beat: Monty and Bob’s Christmas Shoot-Out =-.

  11. 11 CatLadyLarew

    Thanks for all the sacrifices you’ve made for me this year, JD. You’ve done so many things for me, I haven’t had to leave home in three months. Happy Holidays!
    .-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..Christmas with the Cat Lady (reprise) =-.

  12. 12 Lin

    I think you are secretly jealous of Chrissy’s hair and her ability to grow it so fast. I didn’t have Chrissy, but I had her “cousin” Velvet and some other one called Cinnamon. Gees, I LOVED that doll. I can remember really, really wanted Velvet for Christmas.

    Merry Christmas, JD!
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..I-love-Cranky-The-Elf Thursday =-.

  13. 13 JD

    absepa: I always hated “Twelve Days of Christmas,” so I don’t really know why I chose it for today’s post idea. I don’t think those Crissy dolls were very sturdy. It’s not like I TRIED to break it, MOM! Happy Holidays!

    Susan: “5 gold rings.” Who needs 5? Now 5 Vicodins, YES. That makes so much more sense. Happy Holidays, and you’re very welcome!

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Same to you, Daisy!

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: Oh, I had a Midge, too! And a friend who had all the Barbie accessories ever made. I was pretty jealous. Merry Christmas Eve to you!

    Grace: Merry Christmas to you, Grace!

    Lidian: Pastry dough, you say? Mmmm. Are you making a foreign cake, by any chance? Happy Holidays!

    dcr: I know. I didn’t want to do it, especially since I am getting the grossest Google searches because of it. Oh, well. Merry Christmas to you!

    Comedy Plus: Thank you! Same to you!

    dcr: NO! Now you’re really scaring me! What do you know that I don’t? peers nervously out window

    Tiggy: Thanks, Tiggy! Same to you . . . ?

    CatLadyLarew: OK, you’d better get out and get some fresh air. After that: have a very Merry Christmas!

    Lin: I think I had Velvet too. She was the blonde one, right? Yes, I was jealous. Their hair was so shiny. And so easy to break. Merry Christmas!

  14. 14 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    Merry Christmas JD and thank you for all the things you do so we don’t have to!

    XOXOXOXO

    -Margaret
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..The Battle of the Fruitcake =-.

  15. 15 Pricilla

    Merry Christmas from all the Happy Goats.
    May your day be full of apples and night be gas free!
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Merry Christmas =-.

  16. 16 babs - beetle

    Well we wish you all that you want for Christmas (whatever that may be) from our house to yours ;)
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..I just HAD to post one. =-.

  17. 17 Kathy

    As you are aware, I was Barbie-less in my household. I had to go whore myself over at a friend’s, who had a gaggle of Barbies, Kens, the apartment with an elevator, cruise liner, car and every possible accessory ever made. At least you got Crissy, whoever that was.

    Thank you for making me laugh all year! Yours is the blog that keeps on giving.

    Merry Christmas to you and Dave and of course, Gus and Prudence. May your cookie plate always be full and your egg nog glass runneth over.

  18. 18 Lola

    My sister had a Crissy doll. the first thing she did was pull all the hair out and cut it short! Lol! Yeah, no more turning that dial (on her back?) and making the hair go short.

    Hope you’re have a great holiday.

    Maddux and Irish seem to have resolved to settle down a bit today. (Or perhaps they ran themselves ragged earlier and are taking a break? Yeah, that’s probably it.)
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Christmas Eve Randomness =-.

  19. 19 Jay

    You don’t like A Christmas Story? Well, that’s OK, I can’t stand Walking in the Air. I want to kill someone after the first three bars and it goes downhill from there. LOL!

    Merry Christmas, JD – but if you don’t mind, I’ll pass on No. 4 …

  20. 20 Maureen

    Ha! Well done JD.

    But I must disagree about A Christmas Story…. it is one of my all time favorite movies!

    Happy Holidays to you all!
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..The Miracle of Christmas =-.

  21. 21 Surfie

    Merry Christmas, JD!
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Property of Santa =-.

  22. 22 JD

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Merry Christmas to you, my goatly friend! XOXOXO!

    Pricilla: I don’t know about the apples, but I’ll take you up on that second part. Merry Christmas, Happy Goats!

    babs – beetle: And same right back atchya!

    Kathy: Thank you, Kathy. I look forward to another year of Junk Drawer fun.

    Lola: Yes, it was a dial! I’d forgotten how you got the hair back in. Merry Christmas, and enjoy Maddux and Irish!

    Jay: Oh, I love Walking in the Air! And The Snowman. We’ll just agree to disagree. Merry Christmas!

    Maureen: I know I’m in a minority when it comes to A Christmas Story. Just not for me. Merry Christmas!

    Surfie: Merry Christmas to you, too!

  23. 23 Puglette

    oh, i feel your pain about the partridge family. for me it was the monkees…my brother broke that bit of news to me. i was crushed! that was the moment i turned to the dark side of music, FM. it was all sex, drugs and rock and roll after that. well, maybe not sex, i was a late bloomer.

    have a wonderful holiday! ollie has offered to shed enough so you can make a replica if you are interested. ;o)
    merry christmas!
    hugs,
    puglette
    :o)
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Ho Ho Ho!! =-.

  24. 24 Dorothy Stahlnecker

    And Merry Christmas to you this was quite unique…

    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com
    .-= Dorothy Stahlnecker´s last blog ..Sean Goldman and his dad are coming home =-.

  25. 25 ann

    I actually HATE the 12 days of Christmas but I LOVE your version. A Christmas wish done in true JD style, can’t beat that.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours
    .-= ann´s last blog ..Merry Christmas =-.

  26. 26 Ty Puppy on a Roomba

    Happy Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!
    .-= Ty Puppy on a Roomba´s last blog ..Happy Merry Christmas Day!!!! =-.

  27. 27 Katherine

    You just have way too much holiday cheer these days. Is that what death threats do to a gal??

    I know how you feel about Crissy. I had a Baby Alive…who didn’t live up to her name for long. I apparently fed her something that didn’t come in one of those little packets – and it clogged up the works. (As I get older, I can empathize with this.) It wasn’t my fault. My mom hid her and only allowed me to play with her on like these super-special-occasions-that-had-no-meaning-to-anyone-other-than-her-but-could-change-at-any-moment (which, to the rest of us probably meant she was ready to have a few and needed something to entertain the brats)…so when I found her, precariously perched in the ‘rents closet, it wasn’t my fault I only had like 3.5 seconds to do something with her before being busted. I don’t know what I fed her…apparently it was glue mixed with concrete. Thirty years later, I’m still convinced Baby Alive sucks.

    But you don’t! I love you…and I hope you have the best Christmas ever. And if you’re really able to be bought off with $5, then we so gotta talk. xx
    .-= Katherine´s last blog ..It’s Confirmed – 2:30 is Too Early to Wake Up! =-.

  28. 28 Will

    Merry Christmas to you and your family! Looking forward to your posts in 2010. For some reason I don’t comment a lot on your site, but I come here to read every post and the funny comments. I usually arrive within minutes of getting your subscription notification but there are almost always at least 20 comments by then. You have such faithful, and fast, readers. Merry Christmas to all of them too!
    .-= Will´s last blog ..Wishing All a Wonderful Christmas! =-.

  29. 29 Anne

    I hope you had an amazing Christmas. I loved Chrissy, even though I never had one of my own, I had a serious case of doll envy for my friend that did have one.
    .-= Anne´s last blog ..Starbucks and Computerized Telemarketers, WTH? =-.

  30. 30 Your Daily Cute

    Merry Christmas from me, Pimp and Moo!
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..Merry Christmas from Cute! =-.

  31. 31 meleah rebeccah

    ? Wishing You a Merry Christmas! ?

    I can NOT believe you DON’T like the movie A Christmas Story!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..From My Family, To Yours…. =-.

  32. 32 jennyonthespot

    And THIS is why I love you. Just when I think I can’t laugh ANY HARDER… you take me there. And I totally am having the same problem with voices.
    .-= jennyonthespot´s last blog ..Merry Christmas… =-.

  33. 33 JD

    Puglette: Oooh, FM! I don’t remember what else I did upon discovering the news that changed my life. My mom wouldn’t let me sleep over at Marcia’s, so I guess I just cried in my room.

    That’s so sweet of Ollie to offer to shed! But I think he should keep every precious fur on his body. It’s cold!

    Dorothy Stahlnecker: Thank you! Merry Christmas to you, too!

    ann: This has never been one of my favorite carols, but it does lend itself quite well to parody. Thank you! And I hope you had a very Merry Christmas.

    Ty Puppy on a Roomba: Same to you, Ty! Hope you got a lot of good treats!

    Katherine: Oh, dear. This was less a blog comment than a therapy session! Your Baby Alive trauma sounds horrifying. That’s no way for a young child to learn about the digestive system! I’m glad you never had a Betsy Wetsy . . . or DID you? Anyway, I hope you and your family had a wonderful holiday. XO!

    Will: Oh, that’s so nice of you. I don’t always get to comment on all the blogs I read, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them. I love all my readers! Thank you! Hope you had a great holiday.

    Anne: I had doll envy for my friend who had the entire Barbie universe. Crissy was nothing compared to Malibu Barbie and her mansions and cars. Hope you and your family had a wonderful holiday!

    Your Daily Cute: Merry Christmas to you and all your Daily Cuties!

    meleah rebeccah: I know, I know! I’ve tried. Just can’t get into it. Don’t hate me for it! Hope you had a wonderful holiday.

    jennyonthespot: Says the girl who made the awesomest holiday video EVAH! Smooch.

  34. 34 Marta Daniels

    This is a wild and crazy blog and I’m not even 100% sure I like it, but it’s definitely a force to be reckoned with!! Merry Christmas and God bless!!
    .-= Marta Daniels´s last blog ..Create Your Own…But Its Gonna Cost You!! =-.

  35. 35 jenn

    I have found my new favorite Christmas song!!! lol, loved it!
    .-= jenn´s last blog ..Hold them Dear =-.

  36. 36 JD

    Marta Daniels: Yes, it IS a force, all right. It’s not for everyone, but I hope you’ll stick around for a while. Happy New Year!

    jenn: I AM SO HONORED! I think it’s my new favorite too. I just love blasting out “5 VI-CO-DINS!” at the top of my lungs. Makes me feel all Christmasy inside.

  37. 37 Kathryn

    I seriously think you and I need to record an album. We’d go PLATINUM, bay-bee!!

    You’ve had a very busy year, missy….doing all these things that most sane people would never dream of doing…

    You should be very proud of yourself, my friend.

    Or committed….I’m not sure which.

    Either way, I hope your holidays are filled with laughter, many fabulous edibles, Thai porn and dancing Vicodens in your head.

    I’ll be by in the morning to see if you’ll share any and all!

    Happy Holidays, my blogbud!!!!
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Cows, Facts and Peanut Butter =-.

  38. 38 David

    Oh, the cat puke hash browns. I’ve thought of that post way more often than I ever wanted to. It’s branded into my brain in some permanent synapse of horror.

    But Merry Christmas anyway. :-)
    .-= David´s last blog ..Post-Christmas Thank You Notes =-.

  39. 39 MomZombie

    Please explain to us how to don a hall, because I’ve attempted it and gotten dirty looks.
    I wish we’d known each other as kids because we could have organized a doll swap: you could have given me Chrissy the Bald Spot in exchange for Velveeta, her little cousin.
    And I don’t get “A Christmas Story”, either. I cannot understand how they can have the same movie running all day on a television network.
    Happy Holidays!
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Fear =-.

  40. 40 Jenn of Many Cabbages

    Hope you had a good holiday, JD! Now that it’s over we can all go back to normal (or as normal as we ever are)…. YAY!!!
    .-= Jenn of Many Cabbages´s last blog ..Weather or Not =-.

  41. 41 Jen

    I had a Chrissy doll. It was my favorite for a long time until Malibu Barbie hit the scene and then she was discarded like all my other dolls, Raggedy Anne, Baby Alive (who wasn’t really alive but who just peed all over everything). Chrissy, at least the one I had, had long red hair and wore an orange dress. A mini dress if memory serves. I always thought her dress was the wrong color since I had been told since I was a child that redheads could not wear red or orange. She looked fine, no clashing (whatever that means) but I could never bring myself to be the fashion rebel that she was.

    Hope you had a great Christmas and have a Happy New Year.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..I Resolve =-.

  42. 42 meleah rebeccah

    Oh I could never hate you! But you are THE FIRST and ONLY person I know that does NOT like that movie! I hope you had a fantastic holiday too. :)
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..From My Family, To Yours…. =-.

  43. 43 JD

    Kathryn: Happy Holidays and a Stupendous New Year to YOU! Ahhh . . . Thai porn. I’m hoping 2010 brings more. More everything. Yes to the album. With your voice and my lyrics, there’s no stopping us. Until we’re BOTH committed. But it will be worth it.

    David: Sorry. But it’s part of who I am. I have to acknowledge the good, the bad, and the pukey.

    MomZombie: Yay! I’m not alone. Donning the hall is way more involved than you might think. But it does not involve anything illegal. Heh: Velveeta. I think I had both. I can’t believe my mom would’ve gotten me a second doll after I ruined Xmas by breaking Crissy, but there you go. Happy New Year!

    Jenn of Many Cabbages: You too! You and ol’ King Slaw and all your many cabbages. I’m SO relieved it’s over. Now we can just play with our toys, swear at the ones that don’t work, and return the ones we don’t like.

    Jen: I remember Crissy’s dress as being light blue, with a ruffle down the middle. But I have a terrible memory. It was definitely a mini dress, tho. I didn’t have a Baby Alive, but I had a Betsy Wetsy, who peed all over everything BUT that was her job. Happy New Year!

    meleah rebeccah: I know you’d never hate me (for anything so silly). I know I’m the only one. Well, me and MomZombie (see above). Happy New Year!

  44. 44 cardiogirl

    Merry Christmas and I love Gus in repose behind the ornament. So artsy.

    Happy 2010!
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..Kellogg’s why must you forsake me? =-.

  45. 45 cardiogirl

    Awww yeah! I don't know why the other 44 comments disappeared but I am jacked to be the first in a long line of threaded comments!

    Sweep the leg, gingah!

  46. 46 IDoThings

    HA! Sweep that leg, sistah! Sweep it good.

    Thanks for kicking me in the butt ever so gently to update my comments system.

    NOW GET IN LINE! There's 44 people ahead of you.

  47. 47 Kathy

    Does this mean I have to change my commenting system too, cuz all the cool kids are doing it?

  48. 48 @JunkDrawer

    Testing a comment when I'm logged in with Twitter.

  49. 49 @JunkDrawer

    Kathy no likee the Twitter way.

  50. 50 IDoThings

    No, of COURSE not! Not if you don't want to join the Cool Kids Club, that is.

  51. 51 IDoThings

    Why no likee Twittee?

  52. 52 IDoThings

    Gus is so photogenic, isn't he?

  53. 53 muskrat

    You don't like A Christmas Story? I'm not sure we can remain friends.

  54. 54 Ron

    I do recall with frightening clarity the exact moment I discovered that the Partridge Family didn’t all do their own singing.

    OMG…this is a FIRST! I NEVER knew that?!?! How devastating is right! Now I feel ROBBED – HA!

    Hey, for some reason Intense Debate didn’t download for me because all I see is your previous commenting system. I wonder why?

    Anyhoo…Merry Belated Christmas, JD! I so look forward to blogging with you in the New Year!

    BTW…I don’t like A Christmas Story either. Bah-humbug.
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Hey, look…my new commenting system! =-.

  55. 55 IDoThings

    Oh, no, RON! I'm so sorry to be the one to break it to you. It's true: Not only did they not do their own singing (except for David and Shriley — typo, but it stays), they didn't play their own instruments!!! Do you need to go sleep over at Marcia's? I'll ask my mom.

    I'm not sure why you're still seeing my old commenting system. I think other people are seeing the new look.

    I think we need to start an "I Don't Like A Christmas Story Please Don't Kill Me" club.

    Happy New Year!

  56. 56 IDoThings

    Pleeeeeze? In the spirit of X-mas, let us make this difference between us bring us closer together, not further apart. Won't you accept a pot-laced brownie as a token of my esteem?

  57. 57 muskrat

    absolutely!

  58. 58 Bingo

    Happy new year JD!! xoxo
    .-= Bingo´s last blog ..Superstitions Chapter 8 – New Year’s Rituals =-.

  59. 59 JD

    muskrat: It is settled.

    Bingo: Happy 2010 to you!


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