dcr: You make an excellent point. Best to bypass the whole cremation/head urn issue and opt for freeze-drying (which sounds more doable than cryogenic suspension to me). I hope I’ll be around in 1,000 years to watch you kicking everyone’s ass. Could you put your stuff in storage?

kathcom: Wow, you’ve got some interesting options! I’d never thought of using my ashes to annoy people, but what a great idea. I bet my mom would do it, but, like you, I’ll have to kick the bucket pretty soon. I’m not quite ready. I s’pose you could hire someone . . .

I’ve told everyone I know that I want my ashes to be scattered from the window of a taxi driving up Madison Avenue so I can get in the lungs of spoiled Upper East Siders and make them cough.

My husband doesn’t want to get in trouble with the NYPD. I told him if he goes first, I’ll dump him out of the open cockpit of a biplane at the Rhinebeck Aerodrome. (If he’s lucky, I’ll wait till he’s dead– ba dum bum.)

My mother said she’ll do it for me if he won’t, which means I’ll have to die soon or she’s going to have to break some longevity records. If not, maybe I should punish my hubby by making him keep me in one of these head urns. Thanks for the info, JD!

First choice is immortality.

Failing that (at least right away), the choice is between cryogenic suspension and freeze-drying. Both have their merits. Some claim that freeze-drying would be better because there is less tissue damage. Tough call. Hopefully someone will figure that out before the need arises.

Then, people in the future can bring you back to life once they figure out how to (a) fix what caused your death to begin with and (b) reverse the storage method you chose, which means either thawing (and repairing said tissue damage) or rehydrating. In either case, I’m sure it’ll cause a bit of a headache.

But, 1,000 years from now, I could be telling people all about their ancient history.

Right before I sue them for not taking better care of my things! What? They didn’t think I’d really come back?

Condo Blues: Good point. And you know that thing comes to life after someone says the secret code word.

Margaret (Nanny Goats): So to speak I should HOPE! Sometimes blasting is the best way. And I did do a fairly tasteful (for me) post on scattering my dad’s ashes. But it’s hard to be serious around a head urn.

April: There are no words. Except “creepy” and “wrong.” And “no” repeated over and over.

Chris@TheSnackHound: Sorry! Next post will less death-y.

That isn’t creepy – that’s super creepy. Especially with that expression on his face.

Why would you… just…gah.

Awesome.