Guess who’s back
Back again
JD’s back
Tell a friend

029

Oh, boy.

So . . . yeah. A week ago at this time I was floating over to the swim-up bar. The sun was beating down on my naked butt. My only dilemma: should I move to the beach or stay at the pool?

Today I am staggering into the kitchen for coffee, scratching the bug bites on my butt, and glaring at the snow outside my window. My only dilemma: should I go back to bed or do some work?

Re-entry is always difficult, but this year, it’s especially hard. Eight days in Jamaica = a soft, spongy brain and a relentless need to sleep and pretend this all isn’t happening. It isn’t, is it? I’m still on the beach? Dreaming this? No?

Gus jumps into my arms, purring and snuffling. I’m home. And truthfully, I am happy to be here.

I am just . . . not really here, I guess.

And I totally feel bad, y’all!

Not only did I leave you alone for over a week, but I have no snappy, entertaining post for you . . . even as of today!

I do have a few photos for you, along with a promise of more to come THIS WEEK. Like . . . more photos! And some actual words. And videos!

Until then . . .

It started with this:

001

Then there was a lot of this:

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019

And even more of this:

049

054

100

A little of this:

133

Still more of this:

052

050

And, yes, there were plenty of potatoes. Potatoes of every kind!

045

014

092

107

But it’s good to be back.

Honest.

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45 Comments


45 Responses to “I Went to Jamaica and All You Get Are These Lousy Photos”

  1. 1 absepa

    I was totally going to leave:

    “Guess who’s back
    Back again
    JD’s back
    Tell a friend”

    in my comment!!! Apparently, when great minds think alike, they think about Eminem songs. Welcome back! We missed you, and we don’t blame you a bit for not having a brand-new post ready to go yet. Frankly, I don’t know that I would have noticed anywy, since you have all those photos of yummy-looking desserts up there. Also, I’m incredibly envious of the great shape you’re in. But probably not envious enough to do the amount of exercise it would take for me to look as good as you do.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..It’s hard to believe I haven’t broken my head yet =-.

  2. 2 Spot

    I now officially hate you. Just so you know. Purely because I’m soooo jealous. The photos are amazing.

    Btw, my kids would really like you to start doing some more um, adventurous things. They came up with a few ideas for you…

    I spent a week with Nicaraguan Guerrilla Fighters so you don’t have to.

    I survived a hurricane so you don’t have to.

    I swam with sharks so you don’t have to.

    I party-crashed a state dinner so you don’t have to.

    Those are some of their least dangerous ideas. My children are insane.

    Good to have you back,
    ♥Spot
    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Did I say Lazy?? Whatev… =-.

  3. 3 carissajaded

    First off, ROCKIN BOD!!! I’m a little confused about the billiard balls, but I won’t think on it too much.

    Second, awesome pics. I am so totally jealous of you (for both your rockin bod and an awesome vacation) right now I can’t even be mad at you for leaving. Jealousy has taken over my body…

    Thirdly, “Re-entry is always difficult, but this year, it’s especially hard.”

    That’s what she said!!! BOOYA!
    .-= carissajaded´s last blog ..My many faces =-.

  4. 4 Stephanie Barr

    Bitch!

    :)

    Spot, I already survive a direct hit from a major hurricane (Ike) so no one else has to. Believe me, it’s not as much fun as it sounds. I’ve also done go without power for a week in the sweltering heat with a baby thing, so no one has to, find diapers when all the stores are closed because of power outage thing, wait weeks on end for a claims adjustor while your roof leaks like sieve thing, do the insurance tango for more than 10 months thing, and the do most of your own repair work so you’re not 20K out of pocket thing.
    And I had it good. Not an experience I recommend.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For Kim: Advice for Mark =-.

  5. 5 moooooog35

    Your picture taking prowess is amazing considering you were high on pot the entire time.

    So. Jealous.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Doggone Excuses =-.

  6. 6 Jaffer

    Oh you were gone ? Didn’t even notice.

    You are so talented.

  7. 7 Monique

    I am so jealous. The weather here in Texas keeps having some awkward emotional thing going on where its 18 degrees one week and 70 the next. Plus, I am not a big fan of Texas as is, so 8 days away from here to ANYWHERE sounds dreamy… but Jamaica looks like just what I need.
    .-= Monique´s last blog ..Crème Brûyuck =-.

  8. 8 Ron

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY…you’re back!!!!

    I was so freakin’ excited to see that you had posted!

    And I was also freakin’ excited to see those two billard balls on your boobs!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    OMG…that was BRILLIANT, girl!

    So glad to hear you had a great time in Mexico. Hey, those desserts look so yummy!

    Can’t wait to see more photos and the videos.

    Welcome back, JD. You were missed!

    X
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Ok, I Thought I’d Seen Everything =-.

  9. 9 The Incredible Woody

    Girl, you are looking hot!! What have you been doing?!?
    .-= The Incredible Woody´s last blog ..Envy =-.

  10. 10 babs - beetle

    Well, while you’ve been gone (so I don’t have to) We have suffered total isolation, due to heaps of snow that wouldn’t melt and a bad bout of flu that has only just subsided! Am I jealous? No I’m not, coz I would have to wear jeans and a big T Shirt to prevent my body from upsetting onlookers. That would mean that I would be far too hot all the time. Mind you, the scrummy cakes look almost too good to eat. I did say almost!
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Oh what a birthday present! =-.

  11. 11 Barb at WillThink4Wine

    Billiard Boobs. bwahahahahaha! I lost it on that. If photoshopping my nekked body I would need something more along the lines of downhill ski slopes.

    Feel free to scrub that image out of your brain with bleach now.

    Welcome back to the cruel world of Reality Bites!
    .-= Barb at WillThink4Wine´s last blog ..Drying out =-.

  12. 12 Marie

    Well here I sit, finally emerging from the nightmare of joint replacement, sedate, clothed, listening to Mozart, nibbling my non-Caribbean lunch and thinking “DANG! It is so good to see JD. Albeit a semi-naked JD.”

    A semi-naked JD is so much better than no JD at all.

    Welcome home, kiddo. ;)

  13. 13 Buggys

    Oh I’m so jealous. You were actually warm for a whole week! Did it feel wonderful? I bet it did. I forgot what warm feels like. We saw sunshine yesterday and my eyes couldn’t deal with it so they just closed…while I was driving. What a mess.
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Some Facebook Help and A Little Respect =-.

  14. 14 JD

    absepa: Ah, yes. Great minds DO think alike. Although the level of greatness is yet to be determined. Ohhh, the desserts. How I wish I was back among them. But I missed all of you guys too much. And believe me, that photo . . . there was a lot of sucking in going on.

    Spot: Oh. It’s official, is it. That makes me feel sad. But not too sad to take requests from your kids. Or not. Yeah, your kids ARE pretty insane. I might do the hurricane one, tho.

    carissajaded: Oh, NO, it isn’t! It’s the lighting or something. Those underpants make anyone look good. And, no, don’t think about the billiard balls. Totally not worth it. HAR! I didn’t even think about the re-entry being HARD comment or else I would’ve made that joke. Damn it!

    moooooo35: I know, right? There were plenty of upside-down and blurry ones, tho.

    Jaffer: Oh, HA HA HA! You’re so funny.

    Monique: Everyone, stop with the jealousy! It will only corrode your innards! I’m suffering again right along with everyone. I can’t even show off my awesome tan; I’m so bundled up right now.

    Ron: RON! I MISSED YOU!!! I’m glad you like the billiard balls. Pretty cool, eh? Yes, more to come. I just need to catch up on a stupid thing called WORK and a delicious thing called SLEEP and I will be back to blogging.

    The Incredible Woody: Aw, you’re nice. Zumba! And eating only Crackerfuls and Hershey’s Kisses. That’ll do it!

    babs – beetle: I’m sorry you’ve had a bad week. I promise: if you’d been on vacation with us, you would’ve had a blast, even in your T-shirt and jeans. (Tho I bet by the end you would’ve whipped ‘em off and ran into the ocean!)

    Barb at WillThink4Wine: HA HA HA! Good one. No, I definitely WANT to see that. And thanks for the welcome. I need it.

    Marie: Awww. I hope you’re feeling OK. A non-Caribbean lunch can be quite delicious, you know. And at least it wasn’t a completely naked JD (‘cuz it COULD have been).

    Buggys: It was awesome, not gonna lie. We had one morning of clouds and a little rain, and the rest was sunny and hot. It did me a world of good. Hey, you’ve gotta keep your eyeballs open while driving, sister.

  15. 15 Bingo

    Beautiful photos, delicious desserts and WOW the last picture is the best. I’m glad you had a great time. More photos! More photos! More photos!
    .-= Bingo´s last blog ..New All Slots Tourney Winners =-.

  16. 16 Mrsblogalt

    Welcome back!
    And thanks for the unwanted reminder to get my ass back to the gym!!!
    .-= Mrsblogalt´s last blog ..I Am Not My Lipstick =-.

  17. 17 Anne

    Don’t forget that you posed topless so I don’t have to (believe me, the Internet is grateful). It looks like you had an amazing time! Readjusting is always a challenge. Welcome back! We missed you.

  18. 18 v

    i hate you too. your stomach is flat.

    oh well if i can’t have a six pack, i might as well have four stomachs.

    i don’t really hate you. i’m just jealous.

  19. 19 v

    and why the **** are you blocking my view!

  20. 20 LJ

    I was doing just fine looking at your pictures. Enjoying the sites of Jamaica. Imagining the warm suns rays on my face, and praying the summer would get its boney ass over here. And then …. my eyes fell upon some skivvies and two billiard balls. Now I’m depressed and extremely jealous.
    Don’t worry, I’ll still read your blog and be happy about it.
    .-= LJ´s last blog .. =-.

  21. 21 ann

    Welcome back. I was just saying to someone at work today that I wanted to be in the sunshine on a beach. I’m so stinking sick of being cold it’s not even funny. Now not only am I still freezing but I’m feeling extreme jealousy, you lucky thing you. You may be back to reality but at least you got a great break from it for a week
    .-= ann´s last blog ..Talking it over =-.

  22. 22 Surfie

    Yea! I’m so glad you’re back! Even if you aren’t feeling back in blogging shape yet. :) I’ve never seen sweet potatoes that weren’t orange. See, I need to go to Jamaica too! Except you’d never catch me posing for a nude photo. And since both you and Dave are in the photo, that means you were naked in front of strangers! The thought of doing that myself chills me to the bone. I’m not nearly so adventurous. Glad you had a great time!
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Dude, Where’s My Counter? =-.

  23. 23 Daisy

    Hooray! I am glad you are back, because I missed you! It looks like a very fun time.

    ps: you has a cute figure!
    .-= Daisy´s last blog ..Toothy Tuesday =-.

  24. 24 Stephanie Barr

    :(
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For Kim: Advice for Mark =-.

  25. 25 Pricilla

    Billiard boobs…hmmm. And just what is in Dave’s corner pocket then?

    Glad you had fun. I wish you had smuggled home some of those desserts….I love dessert. And potatoes. Perfect meal there. Dessert and potatoes. Don’t really need anything else.
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Goatucation: All About my Stomachs – Yes, StomachS, Part I =-.

  26. 26 Puglette

    welcome back! that looks like a fantastic resort…although i would stay on the clothing not optional side. can you do much shopping with out pockets? did you bring me anything?
    sighhhh…
    i have been rained on during the last week so you didn’t have to…be rained on…
    hugs,
    puglette
    :o)
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Monday Road Trip =-.

  27. 27 Heather

    Thanks for the photos- they made me envious, hungry, empathetic and laugh.
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Currently working on…. =-.

  28. 28 Corrina

    I hate you for looking awesome in Underoos with billiard balls on your boobs!!!!!

    That is all. :-P
    .-= Corrina´s last blog ..In Case You Were Unaware =-.

  29. 29 ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily

    Your photos remind me of our Cancun trip 2 long years ago….except without the billiard balls. I spent 8 hours a day in the infinity pool overlooking the ocean. Getting out only for bathroom and meal breaks, oh, and visiting the swim-up bar!

    Don and I are gearing up for a week in Miami next month. That’s about as close as it gets this year.

  30. 30 JD

    Bingo: Oh, thank you. Yes, there are more photos. I may have used up the best ones here, tho. Oh, no! There’s one more really good one!

    Mrsblogalot: Thank you! Hey, no pressure. Just do one I did: Eat one cracker a day. Worked like a charm.

    Anne: Aw. I missed you guys, too. It’s good to be back (better and better every day). So glad I won’t have to pose topless for a while.

    v: Believe me, it is NOT flat. In that photo, it looks like it. But I am sucking it in big-time. No hate! No jealousy! Seriously, if you met me, you’d be like, What was all the negativity about. She’s FAT and UGLY!

    (HAR! And believe me: It’s quite a view!)

    LJ: Oh, dear. It was the billiard balls, wasn’t it? I knew I should’ve left them off. Next time.

    ann: Yes, it was an awesome break from the cold. I wish I could’ve taken you with me! ALL of you! But seriously: this is our big thing. We don’t do anything all year, just so we can afford this trip. Soooo worth it.

    Surfie: HI SURFIE! Well, everyone there was naked, so that helped. Naked in front of clothed strangers? No, thank you. There were many strange foods in Jamaica, including the despised fake chocolate. More on that later.

    Daisy: Yes! It was really fun. I missed you, too! I’m glad to be back. Really.

    Stephanie Barr: Uh oh. What’s wrong?

    Pricilla: HAR! I did smuggle some desserts one year. Sadly, they didn’t make it. I scarfed them down on the plane. Crumbs everywhere. My seat-mates were not too happy.

    Puglette: You’d be surprised how much money you can spend without pockets (tho you did have to be clothed to go into the shops). I was SO glad it rained on everyone the week before so I didn’t have to be the one to be rained on. Boy, that IS awkward, isn’t it?

    Heather: I’m glad they make you laugh. That’s my main goal. Oh! And hungry. Laughing and hungry. That’s how I like my readers.

    Corrina: NO! Don’t hate the playa, or whatever that saying is. I give full credit to the billiard balls. Believe me: what’s underneath is not nearly as round and firm and shiny.

    ann of the junkdrawerblogfamily: Have a great time in Miami. That Cancun trip sounds awesome. I did a lot of floating in the pool, too. Those damn bathroom breaks.

  31. 31 Stephanie B

    You missed me. I know you’re really good at catching everyone with a reply (much more so than I am myself), but I really look forward to all your replies. Even if my own comment is lame-o.

    Yesterday was kind of a sad day (for reasons that have nothing to do with you having an excellent and deserved vacation) and I shouldn’t have pouted. After all, in theory, I’m a big girl. (Actually, in actuality, I’m a BIG girl).

    Don’t sweat it. I tried to take it back so I wouldn’t be all whiny and I failed. On both counts.

    Must. Revive. Brain. And. Grow. Up.

    Sorry.
    .-= Stephanie B´s last blog ..Part 2 Tomorrow – bear with me =-.

  32. 32 meleah rebeccah

    Welcome Home! And, by the way- you are totally super HOT!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn! =-.

  33. 33 Jeff

    What a coincidence… I have the EXACT same underpants!

    Lookin good girl… I can’t wait to hear more about it.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..And if we’re lucky, Debby Harry and Robin Leach may show up! =-.

  34. 34 Jenn of Many Cabbages

    Heh, so that last pic– if you were there all nudie, and Dave was there in the pic too– then who was taking the photo? It looks rather from a high angle to be a timer camera shot. :)

    Did you say, “Hey, cabana boy, here are my boobies– take our picture? :)”

    Because I bet that might have worked.

    PS- Am coveting your palm trees AND desserts. It seems too much to have both. No wonder you’ve had a hard time reacclimating.
    .-= Jenn of Many Cabbages´s last blog ..Black Spike Heels and a Red Sombrero =-.

  35. 35 cardiogirl

    Hey, who took care of the kids while you were gone? Did Gus and Pru have to learn how to use the can opener or was it a crazy dry food free for all?

    We always left a huge bag of food open, two litter boxes, seven bowls of water and both bathroom doors jammed open with the toilet lids up just in case the seven bowls of water spilled.

    And yes, one time both cats got trapped in the bathroom with the door shut. I should write about that.

    Anyway, since that day I always jammed a tennis shoe under the door to keep it open against the wall.

    I’m extremely impressed with your billiard balls. Um, I can almost hold a pencil with one boob.
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..How to: the Cardiogirl edition =-.

  36. 36 Kathryn

    Aw. Welcome home, sweetie!

    You and that tall stranger pressing his genitalia against your mosquito-bit-butt look very happy together. (JK…I know it’s DAVE)

    At night, did you trade out the plain Billiard Balls for golden spangly
    ones with tassles that you can swirl to and fro….in time to da Jamaican beat, mon??

    No worries, mon! Dey probably said, “Cum bak any time, funny lady!”

    I’m so happy SOMEONE got to experience the sun emitting some kind of “normal” rays….as this stupid one seems to only be good for light…and paltry/short-term light at that.

    Good to have you back, sweetie!

    For a post about nothin’, you sure packed a lot of laughs in!
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Eyedropper Envy =-.

  37. 37 Lin

    Dang, I’m just jealous that you can actually go naked AND look good doing it. Sigh. I’d be grossing the folks out with my lumpiness. I’ll bet the kitties are glad you are home.

  38. 38 Patty

    Wow! I think about this time next year, we should do a fun ‘experiment.’ It would be: “WE do things so J.D. doesn’t have to!” and you can send all of US, your loyal readers, to Jamaica. (I, personally, would settle for other paradise islands such as Bahamas and Tobago…but not Trinidad. I see Tobago as the ‘Jan’ of the group, the loveable little nerd that hair-flipping Trinidad shoves into lockers…)

    Right, then, in any case, when you send us all to we all promise to send photographs–just like the real thing!

    And holy moly, eight ball in the corner pocket, does your bod look rockin’!

  39. 39 Lola

    Billard balls? If I were hiding my girls I’d be using something bigger, even if it wasn’t necessary. Just sayin… (But I would never ever be nekkid in public, so photographic evidence would not even be a possibility.)

    While you were gone all week I was playing junior plumber several days and ruined my favorite day slippers. My daughter has yet to grasp the concept that one does not use nearly an entire roll of tp in the upstairs bathroom.
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Go Fly A Kite =-.

  40. 40 dcr

    Welcome back. I would have welcomed you sooner, but I was watching the clock, anxiously awaiting the grand unveiling of the world’s worst kept secret, the Apple iPad. ;)
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Previewing the Apple iPad =-.

  41. 41 JD

    Stephanie B: Oops! Maybe my eyeballs saw “Bitch” and impulsively skipped to the next comment before noticing the smiley face! Any way, I’m sorry I skipped you. I DO try to reply to everyone, no matter what names they may call me! I’m sorry you had a sad day; everyone deserves a good pout now and then.

    meleah rebeccah: Thanks, my dear! And . . . are you blind-ish?

    Jeff: OK, we’re having an underpants contest. No, no, I insist. No false modesty. You, me, underpants. Name the date.

    Jenn of Many Cabbages: Would you faint if I told you one afternoon I ate cheesecake UNDER a palm tree??? The photo was taken by one of our nudie friends, except he was dressed at the time. It’s really best just not to think about it.

    cardiogirl: Oh, my god! Leave our cats alone??! NEVER! Gus went to stay with cousins Noel and Marjorie (at my mom’s), and Pru went to play with cousin Rudy (my brother’s). And yes, you should definitely write about the toilets providing a back-up water source.

    Kathryn: What is this “at night” you speak of? I was in bed by 9, mon. Tho they did call me “funny lady” — but probably for all the wrong reasons. Good to be back, my honey!

    Lin: I did NOT look good. Note that there was no profile shot of me. A LOT of lumpiness going on, believe me. But everyone there was lumpy, too, so it didn’t matter.

    Patty: Your Trinidad and Tobago scenario fascinates me. I’d like a full essay on that, please. I’ll send you all next year, ‘cuz I doubt we’ll be able to afford to go ourselves. Hmmm. Something wrong with that sentence.

    Lola: Your favorite day slippers? Nooooo!!! I’m guilty of using too much TP. But I’ve never clogged the toilet. Soooo . . . maybe bowling balls for your nekkid photo? (You know you want to.)

    dcr: Oh, god. My arrival back has really taken a back seat to the iPad. I doubt anyone’s noticed my billiard balls.

  42. 42 Stephanie Barr

    If it makes you feel better, at our house, only the finest women get called “bitch”.

    Or maybe that’s because I’m the only one.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..Hiatus Interruptus – For Jeff King: Where Will We Go? =-.

  43. 43 David

    Day-am, girl … you look totally hot in a bikini bottom and billiard balls.
    .-= David´s last blog ..In Which a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words =-.

  44. 44 JD

    Stephanie Barr: Maybe I live in the wrong house! My husband only calls me “J” or “Sweetie.” Of course, the latter is only when I’ve made a horrible mistake in the checkbook or forgot to buy his favorite Pop-Tarts.

    David: *blushes* Believe, me, without the billiard balls, I wouldn’t look NEARLY as hot.

  1. 1 Whatever You Do, Don't Forget The Can Opener!

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