I saw you look like a Japanese baby
Baby came from here
________________________
Usually I’m in bed around 9, but last night I simply had to have some peanut butter toast. I plopped down in front of the TV, which proceeded to freeze as I channel-surfed. After I did the ol’ unplug/plug trick, some random channel came on. The online guide was still powering up, so I had to play: What Movie Is This?
It was an Asian guy, Lauren Holly, who was on that show, and Michael Learned, who I always mistake for Beverly Sills, even tho she isn’t an actress. (SIDENOTE: Isn’t “Learned” a cool last name? What about “Scholarly” as a last name? I personally [and heretofore secretly] have always wished my last name was “Eminence.” How awesome would THAT sound? “Ms. Eminence? Your order is ready.”)
Anyway, it takes me two seconds to figure out that this movie is probably about Bruce Lee. Never mind that the Asian actor looks nothing like Lee; the producers probably felt the typical American audience would see an Asian guy, rifle through their brain Rolodex for “Famous Asian Guys,” and be quite content to label this actor as 1. Bruce Lee, 2. Yo Yo Ma, or 3. Emperor Hirohito.
Jason Scott Lee, actor portraying Bruce Lee
I cain’t hardly tell ‘em apart!
_________________________
Anyway, Bruce Lee and Lauren Holly are trying to tell Michael Learned that they want to get married. She isn’t having it. She’s all polite and “Mr. Lee” and pinky finger raised whilst lifting her teacup, but she says gross things like “Oriental” and “yellow babies.” Mr. Lee somehow manages to refrain from karate chopping her ass and books right out of there.
Lauren Holly is pissed. She’s fine with whatever kind of baby she gets. And this made me think. Your plain old white American baby is usually cute, but . . . let’s admit it: we’ve all seen some ugly ones. But Asian babies? ALL CUTE ALL THE TIME. So Lauren Holly is no dummy. She knows she’s increasing her odds of having a cute baby.
She runs after Bruce who has taken off on his motorcycle. Somehow he hears her call him over the roar of the engine, a block away, in the rain, and comes back. They ride off.
I’m done with my peanut butter toast, so that’s it for me.
But later, I sneak a look on imdb.com.
YES! Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1999).
Bruce Lee was played by Jason Scott Lee, and for one horrifying second I’m afraid I’m going to have eat my words about how he looked nothing like Bruce Lee because in actuality he’s his damn son, but no. Different Lee.
I learned everything I need to know about the movie from the message boards:
They should call it “Dragon: The Stupid Story!”
This was like doing an autobiography on Arnold Schwarzenegger and casting Guy Pierce. Hey, don’t laugh! They are both white and have good bodies.
Why on earth would they make the story of someone’s life with SO MANY factual errors? Getting his back broke in an underground fight? Did they do any research at all with this?
It’s called a movie stupid. Getting his back broken from lifting a heavy weight isn’t as interesting as getting his back broken in a fight.
I get what you mean but the term “factual errors” is an oxymoron.
And the response to someone who dared say this was the worst movie ever:
And some of your favorites must be:
-Gigli
-Date Movie
-From Justin to Kelly
-Glitter
Oh, SNAP!
So what do you think? Was it just a movie stupid? Is “factual errors” an oxymoron? Is it bad to eat peanut butter so close to bedtime (hint: yes)? Asian babies: all cute all the time? But most important:
I cain’t hardly tell ‘em apart!
44 Comments
Asian babies – all cute all the time. That is also true of “mixed race” babies in almost any combination up to and including mutt puppies and kittens.
Too late to save me, unfortunately. I’ve seen that movie in it’s entirety.
Factual errors, in my opinion, is not an oxymoron. You can make an error in judgement that has nothing to do with facts – like telling your mother when you actually had sex the first time or mentioning it was in her bed. Clearly, the error, in that case, was using the facts instead of a useful lie.
There does seem to be a similarity between Learned and Sills.
Stephanie’s last blog post..For Aron: Getting More than You Deserve
I saw an Asian guy on the train the other day, and the first thing I thought was, “Wow, that guy looks just like Jackie Chan!” The second thing I thought was, “Am I a racist?”
In college, I took a sociology class in which the teacher informed us that it was no longer politically correct to refer to those of Asian extraction as “Oriental”. A girl in my class raised her hand and said, “Does that mean we have to say ‘Asian rugs’?”
Ilana’s last blog post..Doppelganger
You mean that wasn’t Bruce Lee?? I was so totally fooled!
The Incredible Woody’s last blog post..Bonnaroo Picks
Yes, peanut butter on toast ISN’T good before bedtime. But only if you eat it IN bed.
Otherwise, it’s Okee Dokee.
Maureen’s last blog post..Beam Me Up Scotty
I think it’s surprising that Michael Learned, a woman, is named Michael. And yes, Asian babies are cute all the time. That is a fact. I don’t think factual error is an oxymoron because the word factual is an adjective describing the type of error. An oxymoron would be something like “erroneous fact.”
I love message boards. They make me feel smart.
kathcom’s last blog post..You Can Fix Stupid. It Takes a Bullet.
Wait a minute…
…this ISN’T a Random Tuesday post? Holy crap!
No comment on Asian babies vs. plain ole’ white babies. I don’t want Rush Limbaugh popping off at the mouth about me being a reverse racist.
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Still laughing about asian babies being cute all the time.
Michael Learned? That name has always thrown me for a loop. When I was a kid I got so confused about it I almost didn’t want to watch The Waltons anymore. Almost.
I don’t get the Beverly Sills thing, but go figure. It’s funny that you do!
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Maybe the casting director thought he was Bruce Lee’s son, and didn’t want to say anything about how he didn’t even look like his dad.
By the time he found out they weren’t related, the ink was already dry on the contract.
You know, though, the nose and eyebrows are kind of similar. And they both have dark hair.
dcr’s last blog post..Retro Week: Elgin Starburst Clock
that movie sounds only worthy of five minutes. i don’t care for lauren holly, she bugs me. and when you need your peanut butter toast, you need it. i totally understand about that. i only wish i had peanut butter! maybe just some toast. with too much margarine…
toast, i shall call thee lunch!
)
hugs,
puglette
Puglette’s last blog post..Friday Fun
I always thought her whole name was really cool.
Lola’s last blog post..TGIF! VGNO!
For a moment there I confused Jason Scott Lee with Jason “My Name Is Earl” Lee. That was one weird-looking movie in my head!
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I’ve never seen that movie, so I can’t really offer an opinion. I think “factual error” is okay. I don’t like warm peanut butter (bad Thai food experience), so I would never vote for peanut butter toast at bedtime, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good for you. Asian babies ARE cute all the time. And I had never really thought about the Beverly Sills/Michael Learned thing, but there is a pretty strong resemblance there. I do think that Beverly Sills died recently, tho, so you won’t have to worry so much about which one it is in more recent things.
absepa’s last blog post..Friday Photo Fun
Peanut butter is never bad. Never.
Worst movie ever made? Try “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” with Frampton and the Bee Gees, which was randomly on a few weeks ago. It’s horrific.
ps. Did you know that your page still isn’t right in Safari? Am I the only person not using Firefox?
Susan’s last blog post..Summer Concerts
Stephanie: I agree that mixed-race babies are winners no matter the species. So was the movie any good? I’m guessing not. And phew! I’m not the only one to see a resemblance between BS and ML. I wonder if they’re mixed . . .?
Ilana: HAR! I do cringe when I hear someone refer to an Asian person as an “Oriental,” but there’s such a thing as going overboard. And, no, I don’t think you’re a racist. He probably really did look like Jackie Chan. Maybe he WAS Jackie Chan. But it’s probably a good thing you didn’t ask.
The Incredible Woody: I hope I didn’t ruin the movie for you!
Maureen: What a relief. I did not eat it in bed. It’s bad enough finding cat’s toenails on my pillow; I don’t need sticky crumbs in there as well.
Detroit Movers: I remember thinking “Michael” was so strange when I was growing up and watching The Waltons. You (and Stephanie Barr, above) make an excellent point about the factual error. You can’t believe everything you read on those message boards.
kathcom: I know, right?! Good blog fodder in there, too.
C.B. Jones: Well, not officially, anyway. Rush hardly ever hangs out here anymore, so feel safe to say whatever you want. (Just don’t call them “yellow babies,” like Michael Learned did.)
Heather Happymaker: The ML/BS thing is just one of those deeply ingrown things for me. No matter how many times I see ML, I think it’s BS. But NOT vice versa. Asian babies. It’s true, tho, right?
dcr: HA! Yeah. Dark hair and dark eyes. They’re twins! I don’t blame the casting director for being confused. There is the actor Jason Lee, and according to imdb, there’s a Jason Scott Lee and a Jason Lee Scott—both Asian. So what do you expect?
Puglette: Is there such a thing as too much margarine? Toast! It’s what’s for lunch! I never liked Lauren Holly either, and this goes back to her All My Children days. She always looks frightened and/or stupid.
Lola: It is a cool name, for sure. It’s different and rolls off the tongue nicely. But you haven’t said anything about Ms. Eminence!
Tiggy: Oh, man. See my response above. We’ve gotta do something about all these Jason Lee’s. I wonder if the My Name Is Earl actor would’ve done any better in this movie?
absepa: Excellent points! I’m so sorry about your traumatic warm peanut butter experience. Peanut butter toast is food of the gods, in my opinion. Yes, BS did die not too long ago of cancer. I guess ML is still kicking around.
Susan: WHAT? Still not right? Ugh. I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for letting me know. I’m embarrassed to admit I loved Sgt. Pepper. Not sure how I’d feel about it now, but maybe I’ll put it in my queue. Thanks for reminding me! (I know, I’m the only one who liked it.)
I don’t have enough experiance with Asian babies to tell if they are all cute all the time.
But I do know that “factual errors” is an oxymoron. I’ve never seen this movie though. But I hate when you’re trying to figure out what a movie is and you just can’t think of the name. :/
Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies
Who is Ms. Eminence?
Drummer Boy, aka Metallica-head, is NOT my son. He is the neighbor across the street. He looks like an old version of the Uni-bomber. He looks like a bum with a ZZ-top beard. He’s very scary.
Lola’s last blog post..TGIF! VGNO!
Michael Learned? I think you made a little mistake. That is actually the Walton’s mom. She lives on a big mountain.
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I forgot to say–try using Eminence the next time you order take-out. I bet after pronouncing and spelling it 10 times for every person who heard it would get old real quick.
Susan’s last blog post..Summer Concerts
Peanut butter on toast? Was it oozing with butter also? Only bad if it drips on your sheets ;O)
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I like my comment here and want to use it for thieving thursday. Since I’ll be talking about Russian spaceflight, I might forget, so remind me.
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Hey JD, you’re appreciated over at my blog. Stop by and have a look.
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The publicist just ate some peanut butter toast. On homemade bread. With homemade jam. It was good. No factual errors in those statements either.
I wonder if a goat could learn karate?
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Regan: I rely so much on the online TV guide. I never realized how important it was. It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t get a description, but this one was pretty easy to figure out, thank goodness.
Lola: Oh, I’m so sorry! What a terrible blunder. OK, he’s not that talented. I should’ve realized. Why would you tape him from your front porch??!! “Ms. Eminence” is my fantasy name, as mentioned in my post.
Daisy the Curly Cat: Oh, dear. You’re right. Then it must be Beverly Sills, right?
Susan: Yeah, you have a point there. I can hear them struggling with it: “Emerson?” “Eminem”? Probably not worth it.
babs – beetle: Hmmm. I used to eat peanut butter with butter as a child . . . now I want that! How decadent. But never in bed.
Stephanie Barr: Go for it!
Preston: Thank you, Preston!
Pricilla: Oh, that sounds good. I’m sure it was way better than my PB and toast. I think goats are extremely smart and can learn anything. Especially karate.
Asian babies do seem to be extra cute, don’t they?
But … Michael Learned? Um … I have never heard of Michael Learned. Is that a guy? It can’t be a guy. But .. .Michael is a guy’s name!!
My head hurts.
oh snap, that’s his son. well i’ll be a monkey’s uncle.
i’m out of the loop when it comes to tv, i’m starting to feel bad i don’t know who these people are.
michael learned what? finish the sentence or throw in a middle name for pete’s sake. and that would be saint peter’s sake.
Natural’s last blog post..Why Wait, Buy Now!
crap, i dont even know who most of those people are. The only recognizable guy is bruce lee…only because i think all asian actors are named bruce lee. never heared of learned or the other gal.
Daniela’s last blog post..Little Lady Peed in the Palm of my Hand
Dragon is one of my all time favorite movies.
I would have had to stay up for the whole thing. With or without peanut butter toast.
Angelika’s last blog post..Yay. (Can you hear my excitement?)
My four kids are Asian (their daddy was Korean) and they were all cute babies. So that proves it, right?
Musingwoman’s last blog post..You + cooking =
Jay: Oh, you obviously didn’t grow up watching . This was a staple of US childhood TV for my generation. “Good night, John Boy!”
Natural: HA! Saint Peter is smiling down on you now. Actually, NO! It wasn’t his son. That’s what I was afraid of. So no excuses, director of this movie. I think you should feel good you don’t know who these people are. (It helps if you pronounce it “Learn-Ed.” Then it doesn’t sound so much like an incomplete sentence.)
Daniela: I guess everyone knows Bruce Lee. Don’t you know Emperor Hirohito? Beverly Sills was a famous opera singer, but I’m not here to educate you all.
Angelika: Yay! A Dragon fan! I knew there’d be one out there. Had I gone for 4 pieces of PB toast instead of 2, I might’ve gotten sucked into it.
Musingwoman: I require no further proof. Ooh, but I’d love to see some pictures.
That’s ok, I guess I can forgive you just this once, Ms. Eminence.
I have however been trying to talk my son into asking for an electric guitar for Christmas. Can you imagine the evil entertainment value of hearing Drummer Boy and then sending my son out to our garage to practice? I guarantee we’ll get Drummer Boy to stop within 2 weeks. (Coincidentally the amount of time it will likely take for my son to get bored of the electric guitar.)
Muhhahahahahahahaha!
Lola’s last blog post..What’s Wrong With Our Youth/Get Off My Lawn
Just wanted to pop in and say I enjoyed your stream of consciousness post and the comments that followed. Reading them made me feel like I walked in on a cocktail party and missed the topic of discussion and only heard the disjointed responses afterward. Hallmark of a good post.
ps. In addition to never having had a PB&J sandwich, I have never had peanut butter toast. Is there something wrong with me? Go ahead. I can take it.
Kathy’s last blog post..A What’s That Winner
If eating peanutbutter before bedtime is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
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Lola: OR perhaps Drummer Boy and son will form an evil alliance and start rocking out together. Now that would be some good blog fodder.
Kathy: Yes, there’s something wrong with you. PB&J I can understand, but peanut butter toast? Never? You’re missing out.
Amy: I hear you. It’s so soothing. It’s really the perfect before-bedtime food. Especially if you don’t brush your teeth.
It seems like a stupid movie and that actor does not look like Bruce Lee, and yes! Asian babies are very cute. I love their little faces.
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At the end of the post, as I was scrolling down, I saw the first picture — alone — of the Beverly/Michael debacle and I thought, damn that Michael Learned looks exactly like Beverly Sills with her hair dyed red.
Scrolls as the next picture is revealed and looks at the names under the pictures.
I’m a go on they look alike.
And, favorite line because I came to the same conclusion as you but you resolved it as we got to the end of the sentence:
“Bruce Lee was played by Jason Scott Lee, and for one horrifying second I’m afraid I’m going to have eat my words about how he looked nothing like Bruce Lee because in actuality he’s his damn son, but no.”
cardiogirl’s last blog post..She used to eat cheeseburgers, you know
cardiogirl: OK, I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw it OR the only one who was a little bit scairt for a minute. Of course, I could’ve just gone back and deleted that part, and no one would ever have known I’d jumped to that conclusion, but . . . you know how it is.
I only read half of the comments, I must admit, but does it throw any sort of monkey wrench or extra level of enlightenment to the whole affair that Beverly Sills’ nickname is Bubbles?
I’ve seen the movie a few times…I liked it…didn’t believe most of it, but liked it nonetheless! Loved the soundtrack too!!
So sad that his son died at such an early age as well (who was pretty darned attractive, thus supporting your attractive Asian baby/Mixed baby theory)
p.s. am I the only one who puts butter on the toast AND then the peanut butter??
They have this amazing concoction in Hong Kong that is a waffle, with peanut butter, butter and I think a little bit of condensed milk and sugar…they are warm, drippy and yummy! You have to eat them kind of bent over to avoid wearing them…mmmmmm…peanut butter, sugary goodness!
The Snackhound: HAR! I’d forgotten about Bubbles! I’m working on some sort of angle here . . .
Tippy: Sorry, no time to respond to your comment. On my way to Hong Kong . . . !!!!
My gift to you:
http://www.recipezaar.com/Peanut-Butter-Sugared-Hong-Kong-Waffles-291509
Tippy: OHMYGOD! Oh, hell, YEAH! That sounds incredible. I wonder how it would be with just a regular frozen waffle? Not as good, but I don’t see me making waffles anytime soon. But my mom has a wafflemaker . . . MOM!
(Thank you!)
Did you read the caloric content of that recipe?? I did, then promptly pretended I did not…trust me, it’s better that you don’t!
Tippy: I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding nutritional information for stuff like that. I’m sure it’s deadly. DEADLY DELICIOUS!