Pickle came from here
Of course I do NOT!
But some people have to. Wash themselves with a rag on a stick, I mean. And it’s not polite to laugh. In front of them.
The whole rag on a stick phenomenon began as simple cartoony fun on a Simpsons episode. Imagine my amused horror when this concept became a frightful reality.
Homies, may I present:
The Comfort Wipe (formerly Rag on a Stick™)
This revolutionary product allows you to “easily reach with comfort.” Reach where? Oh, I think you know.
Please read on:
For over a hundred years we’ve been using toilet tissues the same old way.
Toilet paper has been around for 100 years? Huh. And before that, what: corncobs? Regardless, who knew there was something OTHER than “the same old way” to use toilet paper?
The Comfort Wipe grabs and holds the toilet tissue in perfect positions so you can easily wipe yourself.
Oh. OK, but I have hands that can do that too.
When you’re done, just dispense the soiled tissue right in the toilet with the press of a button. It’s perfect for everyone, especially if you have trouble easily reaching because of physical limitations. Now you’ll never have to touch a dirty toilet tissue!
OK, physical limitations aside, just what do these people think we’ve been doing with our toilet paper? I don’t know about you, but one of the first things I learned as a toilet-trained toddler was how NOT to hold the toilet paper. Is anyone out there actually holding the dirty part? You’re doing it wrong!
Comfort Wipe extends your reach a full 18″ while the anatomical design follows the contours of your body for perfect cleaning.
Just how does Comfort Wipe know the contours of my body? Does it come with a special attachment for the large-butted woman? I’m just sayin’. All butts are different.
Look, I’m sure this product would be helpful to people with physical limitations or those who don’t understand the concept of NOT holding the dirty part of the toilet paper, but otherwise . . . there are way better other products on a stick out there:
- Wigs on Sticks! Finally! A true hair band.
- Fair Food on a Stick! All kinds of weird and wacky foods that just taste better on a stick.
- JD’s Head on a Stick! It’s my very own head! On a stick! Set to music! (Kathy made this; you’ll have to ask her why.)
- Adults Only! I hope you know I’m not above Googling “dick on a stick.”
- What’s YOUR favorite _____ on a stick?
- Do you prefer Comfort Wipe or Rag on a Stick?
- Would you buy a JD Head on a Stick?