I Was Attacked by Birds

The young ones are hungry
Their nests are so bare


Even today, I wake up screaming.

That doesn”t happen, actually. The “wake up screaming” part. But I thought it’d be a more dramatic way to start this post than “One day I was walking along and a bird attacked me.” Yes. Singular bird. Also less dramatic than the plural “birds” of the title. But just you wait.

One day I was walking along and a bird attacked me. Oh, I can hear you. “Silly JD. It’s always about you. The bird just accidentally flew into you; it didn’t attack you!”

Well, let me ask you: Is three times an accident? When it’s the same bird? And always my personal head? I don’t think so.

I used to enjoy walking along the lakefront in Evanston. I wore headphones and rocked out to my Walkman (yes, I really am that old). My happiness evaporated one sunny morning when, as I came to a particular spot on the path, a large black bird divebombed (dovebombed?) into my head.

OH, GOD! I could feel its beak on my skull! It had pulled my hair! Clearly it wanted my hair for a nest, and who could blame it? Even then my hair was already good nest material. I screamed, flapped my arms, jumped spastically. People stared in pity. NOT because they’d seen me attacked by the bird. No, they conveniently didn’t see THAT part. All they saw was this poor, crazy woman, obviously off her meds and probably full of cooties. They gave me a wide berth and moved along, even as I pleaded to them: “Didn’t you see that bird? Didn’t anyone see that bird?”

A few days later, it happened again. Same spot, same bird. Oh, I just know, that’s how. I tried outsmarting it by wearing a baseball cap, but this bird, THIS BIRD still tried to peck out my brain. THROUGH THE CAP!

On my third trip, I just ran at breakneck speed. Did you know birds can fly at breakneck speed?

I was determined to outlast the bird, but by my fourth trip, I simply couldn’t make my legs move once I got to “that spot.” I just turned around and walked home. Defeated.

Did you also know birds can laugh?

To this day, I duck when a bird flies too low or swoops out unexpectedly from a tree. I whimper softly when I have to approach a gathering of birds.

And sometimes, sometimes, I see a black bird of a certain size and shape. Looking at me. Waiting.

I have to go outside sometime.

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73 Responses to “I Was Attacked by Birds”

  1. 1 Momo Fali

    I recently saw a news story about a restaurant that has an “attack bird” outside its doors. They have signs up to watch out for the bird and there was video of all these people being divebombed…just like you said. I hate birds.

  2. 2 feefifoto

    Obviously the bird was not a big fan of Duran Duran. Should have gone with Michael Jackson.

  3. 3 absepa

    Oh, man…I like to think of myself as an animal lover, but that does NOT include birds. I just hate ‘em. Aside from the unnerving head-bombing, they’re basically just airborne poop-delivery systems. A bunch of the little menaces have nested in one of our vents, so we have to hose off the patio (and the side of the house) every couple of days. Blech.

  4. 4 Kelly

    I hate birds, too. I used to live a few houses down from the Ravenswood line L tracks. Those f-ing pigeons would wait for ME to come by and let loose their disgusting pigeon poop. Hate, hate, hate birds.

  5. 5 Florida Girl In Sydney

    In Sydney we have Magpies, they’re black and white and as big and those big black birds giving you the evil eye. They are known for swooping at people’s heads here. Locals actually sometimes wear sunglasses on the back of their heads because magpies won’t swoop if they think you’re looking at them.

    Needless to say, we’ve got a few of these living in our backyard and sometimes we’re just too scared to go out there. They look at us through our back windows like we’d better not mess with them.

    Incidentally, if you google these birds (and maybe the ones coming after you)– it says they’re incredibly smart and if you talk nice to them they won’t think you’re a threat and over time (?) will just let you be.
    It’s the “over time” part that worries me.

  6. 6 babs - beetle

    Can the bird be blamed when he see a lovely FLAT topped nest? He gets confused is all :)

    Here come old flattop she come grooving up slowly
    She got joo-joo eyeball she one holy roller
    She got hair down to her knee
    Got to be a nest so I can do what I please…..

  7. 7 flit

    We have a very territorial red winged blackbird that has moved into the buffer zone down by our dock. I don’t mind that the darn thing divebombs our friend’s kids when they are down there- that’s kind of funny to watch – but the stOOpid bird keeps chasing away the heron that used to feed there every evening!! That makes it a very bad bird!

    A couple of years ago, we had another along the trail that we used to go to our store and back – the bird dive bombed everyone that tried to go through there every time. Most annoying!

  8. 8 Lola

    Have you considered wearing a baseball cap or some other sort of hat to hide your lovely ‘personal’ nest? If you’ve tried it, did they still divebomb you? If you haven’t, try it and let us know.

  9. 9 Jeff

    Red winged blackbirds will do that if you walk too close to their nests. In all that terror of being attacked, did you happen to notice if it had red patches under its wings? Or better yet, any other distinguishing marks such as scars, piercings or tattoos?

  10. 10 Tarrant

    Giggle. Don’t come here. Denise is convinced that our cockatiel is out to get her.

  11. 11 Stephanie

    You are not alone in your bird-fearing state. I’ve been surprised how many people are truly terrified of them, even if they’ve never been dive-bombed. No, I’m not one of them, but then, if I was, I could never go outside. Seagulls ain’t afraid of nothin’.

    My guess if it was the same bird, same place, the bird was guarding its nest as opposed to wanting your hair. That doesn’t make it less traumatizing; it just means that you’re unlikely to be attacked JUST for going outside.

    Unless there are nests anywher around you.

  12. 12 Daisy the Curly Cat

    You were hoping for the bluebird of happiness and instead you got the mean bird of crappiness! Sometimes I think birds might be trying to peck out eyeballs. I am not sure, but I think so.

  13. 13 Bingo

    Try wearing a cap or something stronger like a helmet. Ok but if you wear a helmet people will think that you are crazy, so I think it’s not a good idea.

  14. 14 CatLadyLarew

    You didn’t perchance happen to watch Alfred Hitchcock’s treatise on Birds recently, did you? I hear tell they’re still out there… watching… waiting… for you.

  15. 15 Sue

    Yes, yes, do wear a helmet next time like Bingo says.
    So when you start flapping your arms and jumping spastically you better look the part of the crazy woman.
    Please consider having someone record that too.

  16. 16 Pricilla

    You must have been very mean to that bird in your past life. It is only seeking revenge for your having eaten it!!!!

    That or your hair makes really good nesting material for which you should be proud.

  17. 17 JD

    Momo Fali: Hello! And yes. I hate birds too. Unless they’re in a cage, but then I still hate them a little. Because they’re plotting. I would never go to that restaurant. I wonder if it hurts business or if it attracts curiosity seekers?

    feefifoto: Dang! You’re right. But then one day I took off my headphones as I approached “the spot,” because I thought it might be attracted to the shiny metal. So I’m not sure we can blame Duran Duran. For this.

    absepa: Gross. What other animal just poos outside, at will? Well, a lot, I guess, but at least they do it on the ground instead of on your head.

    Kelly: Oh, pigeons are the worst. They’re not afraid of you and they WILL POO ON YOU at every opportunity. And why is bird poo white? That’s so wrong.

    Florida Girl In Sydney: How fascinating! The sunglasses on the back of the head? The talking nice. Very interesting. But yeah, “over time” is how long exactly? I need to know, if I’m going to be talking to a bird in front of strangers passing by. They already think I’m nuts.

    babs – beetle: HAHAHAHA! Oh, you. Wait, joo-joo eyeballs? Me? Well, possibly. That’s funny. Now let’s hear the whole song, shall we? Thanks, Babs, I needed that!

    flit: What is it with these birds? We’re not doing anything! And herons are beautiful and not included in my “I hate birds” worldview. That IS a bad bird. Well, except for dive-bombing the kids. That would be kind of funny to watch from the safety of your house.

    Lola: I DID wear a cap! It still attacked. I think it was after my actual brain. But it took my hair, because it could.

    Jeff: Well, you know, I never did get a good look at it, because it was always attacking me. But it could’ve had those markings. Hey! Are you trying to blame this on me? Because LOTS of people walked by that spot, and I never saw anyone else get attacked.

    Tarrant: HI TARRANT! OK, I promise not to say anything to Denise. You wouldn’t let her watch The Birds, would you?

    Stephanie: You always make me feel better. Until the last sentence, anyway. I’m sure that bird was just protecting its nest, but come on! I didn’t do anything! And there are nests EVERYwhere! How can we avoid them?

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I think you are EXACTLY right! Be sure to tell Harley to be careful, since he has those big googly eyes. And thank you for the little poem!

    Bingo: Well, I did try the cap, but the helmet might actually have made sense. Who cares what people think! It’s my brain at stake here!

    CatLadyLarew: Heh. “Treatise.” You know, I loved that movie the first time I saw it and the 67th time I saw it. But it’s so over the top. ALL those birds? Doubtful. Scary but doubtful.

    Sue: It would make a pretty good video, wouldn’t it? Better than some boring reading at BlogHer. Hmmm . . . yes, I can see it now. Helmet, screaming, flapping . . . perfect.

    Pricilla: I swear I never ate a bird—in ANY life! Unless it was a delicious pig. Then what was I supposed to do? Yes, I have good hair for nest-making, tho I don’t feel too proud. I mean, it really does actually LOOK like a nest.

  18. 18 maggie, dammit

    Good Lord. I get shat on from time to time but you win. (Though birds DO attack my puppy on occasion….)


  19. 19 Unfinished Rambler

    I know how you feel. When I was a kid, I’d mow the lawn at my grandmothers and these birds always attacked me while I was mowing…

    …and then another time, it was bats.

    But maybe they want to use your hair for nesting material? We’ve seen your hair. It looks like it would make good nesting material. ;)

  20. 20 Leeuna

    I have never been attacked by a bird but they do love to “go potty” on my car. That bird would have quoth Never More if I had been in your place. :D

  21. 21 dcr

    You were probably too close to the bird’s nest.

    You know, though, birds are really dinosaurs. They didn’t all go extinct. They grew feathers and hid up in the trees.

    Maybe one day, the dinosaurs, er birds, will rise again. I think I started a short story on that many moons ago…

  22. 22 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    Cooties? bwahahahaha! Oh, sorry. That wasn’t as sympathetic-sounding as you probably wanted.

    I had a Walkman, but somebody broke in and stole it. With all my audio books in the case. I’m still mad about that and it was almost 4 years ago.

  23. 23 Lena

    Shudder. I HATE birds! Your story gave me a flashback- I was in Spain once, at the Madrid zoo, and my travel companions convinced me to watch a bird show. And i thought, okay, i’ll sit in the back and watch. HAH. The trainer zeroed in on the stench of fear that i’m sure i was producing, and he got this HUUUUUUGE hawk-thing to land on me. On my head. MY HEAD!! I could feel the talons digging into my skull. And that was the day i silently wept in front of a large crowd of Spanish people. As they laughed at me. Loudly.

    Birds are legitimately scary creatures.

  24. 24 C.B. Jones

    This post reminded me of how much I want to buy this t-shirt: http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=PFSC-PIGEONS&Category_Code=002

    You know if birds would grip a pistol, you’d probably need to wear a bullet proof hat or something because they’re pure evil!

  25. 25 Kathy

    I say you just make a helmet out of birdseed and roll with it. Face it. Birds love you!

  26. 26 KC

    I think that was probably the same bird that attacked Fabio. All you need is one bad egg.

  27. 27 Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"

    That bird obviously is attracted to you–I would change my route if I were you. I’m really surprised it even tried attacking through the cap! Here I thought I was safe when I wear mine everyday.

  28. 28 kathryn

    Dear Human with the pretty hair,
    It’s me…Bernie the Blackbird. My therapist says I have to apologize to you for attempting to devour the top of your skull that one time. Okay, three times. But I had a really good reason. I was trying to join the Buzzard Blackbird gang and they told me I HAD to do it, ’cause they knew where I lived.
    Okay, that’s a lie too. The first time, you had a piece of a Cheeto stuck in your hair and I really, really wanted it. The second time, I thought I saw a rare, delicious Horny beetle on your cap…but it turned out to be a mix-up in my meds. That last time was just for kicks.
    My bad.

  29. 29 Maureen


    But I can see WHY he wanted your hair. I mean that stuff is so thick and curley; he just knew he would score big with the lady birds with a nest made out of that!

    So next time, just wear a curly red wig and you’ll be all good.

  30. 30 Regan

    You could have an umbrella to protect yourself from the bird. You could put up some sort of electrical bird fence around it. Or, better yet, put up an electrical bird fence around your entire yard. So when the birds try and attack you, you can make chicken nuggets out of them.

  31. 31 Lin

    You didn’t have your hair all up like a nest or anything, did ya?? I think this is common for birds to do actually. I think it’s when they have nesting young somewhere nearby. Or maybe it just hated you.

    Hey, are you in the Chicago area or is there another Evanston by the lake somewhere else?? Just wondering ‘cuz I’m in Chicago and I don’t want to be walking by you when this goofy bird starts attacking again.

  32. 32 Elle

    Ack I hate birds as well. There is a mockingbird couple who terrorizes the cat (the CAT!) when she goes outside. She tries to be brave, but it is sooooo much easier when she’s inside and they’re safely in the out.

  33. 33 Puglette

    oh…ooook. i do not like birds. i agree with some of the other commentors, they are just pooping machines. my niece had a cockatiel that hated me. it would fly out of it’s cage and poop on me every time i visited. it pooped on a brand new pair of super cute suede shoes. once i had to feed it while she and her husband were away and it backed up on its cage and pooped down the wall.

    i have also been pooped on by a seagull.

    my brother lives near bodega bay where the film “the birds” was made. the old schoolhouse is still there and it’s still spooky. but the rest of the town is pretty nice.

  34. 34 JD

    maggie, dammit: I do love the word “shat.” Wait—not your puppy!!! That’s not fair! Grrrr. BIRDS!

    Unfinished Rambler: Yes, I’m sure it was all about the hair—even when I wore a cap. Also, bats? Yikes. That’s way worse. They’re so small and fast. Brrrr.

    Leeuna: HAR! Good one. And I love all these different “bird bathroom” terms. “Going potty” is definitely PC.

    dcr: I want to read that story. It sounds awesome . . . and true. I absolutely believe that bird was part-dinosaur. Or all-dinosaur. It explains so much.

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: Wait, you still had a Walkman only 4 years ago? Bwahahahaha! Got you back! No, seriously, that’s a shame. Someone broke into your HOUSE? Was it a bird?

    Lena: OK, and now I hate Spanish people. Jerks! Who laughs at a poor woman with a huge bird on her head? That is seriously not funny at all. Except the way you tell it has me laughing. “And that was the day . . . ” Uh oh. I’m giggling. But not at you. With you.

    C.B. Jones: I love that shirt. And yes. We’d all better fear the day birds can shoot guns, because that day will be the end of all humans.

    Kathy: Oh, can you imagine? Birds crawling all over me? shudders This particular bird hated me. I wonder what it would’ve done with a birdseed helmet?

    KC: Oh, and Fabio was actually injured, right? At least that bird didn’t make me bleed. What more proof do people need? Birds are evil!

    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”: I no longer walk the lakefront of Evanston, thanks to that bird. And also to the fact that we moved. At the time, I did change my route, but still always felt nervous whenever I saw a bird. No one is safe.

    kathryn: Hmmm. Well, MY therapist says I’m supposed to accept apologies graciously and move on, so let’s call a truce. I can forgive you for the Cheetoh (who doesn’t claw people to get at a stray Cheetoh?) and the meds mixup. And even the third time. I guess you’re just hardwired to attack. But why me?

    Maureen: HA! As if I needed a reason to buy a curly red wig!

    Regan: Mmmm . . . chicken nuggets. I do love those with a good dipping sauce. I like your ideas, as always. I wonder how Dave will feel about installing an electrical fence around our house?

    Lin: It just hated me. That’s my theory. Because it only ever attacked me, out of ALL the people who walked by. And yes! I live in Skokie, tho we used to live in Evanston. Don’t worry. The lakefront is safe. I don’t walk there anymore.

    Elle: Oh, the poor cat! Mean, mean bird couple! I HATE YOU! Leave the cat alone!

    Puglette: Ooooh, I’d love to see that old schoolhouse. I bet it looks creepy. But Bodega Bay is a lovely town. I’m sorry you’ve had equally traumatic experiences with birds. Being pooped on is no fun. Especially on cute shoes.

  35. 35 Ungirdled Passion

    What a pecker! That bird gave you “the bird.” Maybe he thought you were “jay” walking! You are one funny chickadee!

  36. 36 Argentum Vulgaris

    Chances are that you were invading its territory. Almost certain it had a nest nearby with eggs or young, and you were the big bad predator.


  37. 37 The Hawg!

    Actually, I think it’s fine to start off a post with β€œOne day I was walking along and a bird attacked me.”

    Everyone would just know hilarity was in the works…

  38. 38 Tiggy

    I get this problem with squirrels.

    Ever seen a grown woman run away from a tiny squirrel? Would you like to?

  39. 39 Lynette

    My sister once got chased home by birds. And I should be ashamed to admit that I laughed til I peed.

    But I’m not.

  40. 40 Jaffer

    Oh I don’t blame you JD. I think it may have been a black-bird – they are quite an aggressive species when you approach near their nests.

    I was ‘brushed’ by a lost bat when I was young and I was really creeped !

  41. 41 Canucklehead

    Gee – had you not heard?
    Heard nothing about attacks of an aviary nature?!
    I thought everybody had heard the the bird is the word …

    /starts singing and dancing around office, almost like being attacked by a flock.

  42. 42 Preston

    Alfred Hitchcock has nothing on you baby. Perhaps the bird was just nesting and wanted to use some of your hair…oh wait a minute, Kathy at the Junk Drawer blog is currently the one with the crazy hair. We once had a bird fly into our windshield while my ex was driving. We both screamed. Just like in the movies. Do you think it’s a pattern?

  43. 43 JD

    Ungirdled Passion: HAHAHA! Pecker. I wish I’d thought to yell that at it. And thank you! I do love being called a chickadee!

    Argentum Vulgaris: I first read this as “big head predator.” Which wouldn’t have been wrong. I’m sure you’re spot on. But why me? Oh, yeah. My big head.

    The Hawg!: Do you think so? Maybe I should stop trying to overthink these things. I trust your advice—you’re a pretty funny guy, after all.

    Tiggy: Do you have video? Because, yes, I would!

    Lynette: You should be ashamed, and so should I, because I know I’d laugh too. How can you help it? Poor kid. Snerk.

    Jaffer: Oh, god. That would’ve traumatized me for life, I think. BATS! I think I was ALMOST brushed by one as an adult, and that was bad enough.

    Canucklehead: Is this a song? Is it to the tune of “Grease”? “Bird is the word that you heard, it’s got groove it’s got meaning”? commences spastic dancing

    Preston: YES! It IS a pattern. They’re on the attack. And boy, Kathy better watch out. They would LOVE her hair!

  44. 44 David

    This exact incident was a Dick Van Dyke show episode. Srsly.

  45. 45 Lin

    We are SO meeting for lunch one day, pally! Well, if you want to…..

  46. 46 Grace

    This has nothing to do with your post But I was clicking around your sidebar today and got lost in a bunch of interesting places…

  47. 47 flit

    bats are not bad – we love bats here. They eat skitters – oh yeah, and people pay hubby to kick them out of their houses.

    We like carpenter ants a lot too – lots of carpenter ants this year.

  48. 48 Lena

    Aww, don’t hate Spanish people, hate Spanish birds! One pooped on me while i was there too, if i recall correctly. Spain was not a good place for birds.

    I have another, even more ridiculous bird story. My bird fear extends to childhood (okay, so i’m only 24, so it hasn’t been that long) but anyway, when i was about 16, i went to Disney World (my most favorite place) with my family-Mom, Dad, and 3 younger bros. We went to Animal Kingdom, where some genius decided that they should let these crazy large birds roam freely about the (otherwise gorgeous) park.

    We stopped to look at a map and were standing by a little hut selling turkey legs and this…thing..appeared. I don’t know what kind of bird it was, but it had long legs and a pointy beak and looked generally to be not in a good mood. And then people started feeding bits of turkey leg to this bird…which is totally bird cannibalism and wrong in so many different ways. And then all the turkey leg people got up and left, leaving my family standing there within 10 feet of this still-hungry bird.

    So it hops toward us. And i yelped and hid behind my dad. And then it hopped again, and i began searching for escape routes. The last time it hopped, i went crazy with terror and anticipation. I screamed (fully screamed, in the middle of a crowded amusement park): “Its got the taste for meat! We have to leave NOW!!”

    And then i turned my back on my family and ran. I stopped after i had gone about 30 feet, turned around, and saw that my family was standing in the exact same place, looking at me like i was a lunatic that they had never seen before.

  49. 49 JD

    David: Or can I call you Dave? (ducks) Oh, I REMEMBER! It was Ritchie, and no one believed him. I can’t remember how it was resolved, but yes! Thanks for reminding me. For my next post, I plan to write about Danny Thomas and a closet full of walnuts. I bet THAT was never on Dick Van Dyke!

    Lin: You called me pally! swoons with pleasure I’m a pally!!! Yes. Lunch. Name the time and date, and I’m there. We can bring our Tim Gunn photos. Seriously!

    Grace: Oh, that’s nice! I’m glad my sidebar isn’t so junked up that people are afraid to poke around a bit. Glad you found something of interest!

    flit: Brrrrr. I think skitters would have to get pretty bad for me to welcome the bats. I am afraid of them, period. Ants I can handle, tho I’m not particularly fond of them. But at least carpenter ants serve a function.

    Lena: OK, I won’t hate Spanish people! I was just a little mad that they laughed at you. Um, do you have a blog? Are you a writer? ‘Cuz you’re too good to just be writing comments, tho I dearly love them. I am seriously laughing out loud here, which I rarely do. That is hilarious, tho I totally feel your terror. Oh, man. “It’s got the taste for meat”!!! dies

  50. 50 Natural

    uh why do you keep going back to that spot, i think you like being pecked in the head. maybe it’s payback for eating all that chicken? fowl? still a bird.

    why don’t you go back to that same spot and wear a football helmet while eating a chicken leg. don’t let that darn bird beak you around.
    .-= Natural´s last blog ..Why I Miss The Rotary Phone =-.

  51. 51 Mike Foster

    Birds will do that. I wear funny hats to discourage them.

    .-= Mike Foster´s last blog ..Is Life Worth Living? =-.

  52. 52 Anne

    While I have never been attacked, I totally have birds nest hair. A ponytail seems to work for me.
    .-= Anne´s last blog ..Potter Puppet Pals β€” WTH =-.

  53. 53 Jay

    Usually this is because they have a nest nearby and they get aggressive defending it. I’ve heard of this happening before, but it’s much funnier the way you tell it! LOL!

  54. 54 Lena

    Oh my god, that means so much coming from you! Thank you times a million! I’m not a writer, and i dont have a blog, although English was one of my majors in college and i dearly love to write and proofread (its my shameful secret that i am a proofreading nerd).

    But thank you thank you thank you SO much! I live to please and i’m glad you enjoy my comments :o)

  55. 55 Jen

    I wish I had birds but instead I have squirrels. These little you-know-whats are dastardly. They make that noise before running at me when I walk out in the morning to let the dog out. The dog hides behind me. I’ll take your birds anyday.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..The Tooth Fairy Dropped The Ball =-.

  56. 56 Heather Kephart

    Laughed out loud at the it’s all about you part… the bird didn’t ATTACK you lol… Still laughing…
    .-= Heather Kephart ´s last blog ..Did you hear that? =-.

  57. 57 kristen

    I hate crows. I get flashbacks of “The Birds” every time I see or hear them. *shudder*
    .-= kristen´s last blog ..What Ails Me? You Silly Goose…Life. =-.

  58. 58 JD

    Natural: HAR! I love the image of a chicken-leg-eating, football-helmet-wearing JD strutting around and making cawing noises. Well, it was a long time ago, actually. I guess I couldn’t believe the bird would still be there. And it was MY route. But I guess it wasn’t, really.

    Mike Foster: I’ll need some photos.

    Anne: I rock a ponytail too! Tho lately I’ve been wearing it down more because I seem to be going bald on the sides—perhaps from pulling it back too tightly? Be careful!

    Jay: Well, I’m glad SOMEONE’s laughing. Honestly, this all happened about 15 years ago. Who knew I’d write about it one day? Not that bird, I bet.

    Lena: Oh, you’re so sweet! I do mean it! Your comments are hilarious and well written. And you’re working in a tough crowd, because everyone who comments here is AWESOME. What do you proofread? Is that your job? I’m an editor and proofreader by trade, too, and I love it. (I just re-read your comment and I have tears in my eyes.)

    Jen: Oh, my GOD! Attack squirrels? Geez. What is wrong with this planet? That’s terrifying. And, I’m sorry, but I’m laughing at your dog. C’mon, dog, get it together. You’re a DOG!

    Heather Kephart: It did, I swear it did! Of course no one believes me, not even the people who were RIGHT THERE! I wish I’d had my video camera back then.

    kristen: Crows are horrifying. I was at my aunt’s cabin in the woods, and we looked out and saw a crow the size of a large turkey on her deck. We quietly went around closing the windows (even tho she had screens) and hid under the bed.

  59. 59 Lena

    awwwwww!! Right now all I proofread are papers for my brothers (HS students) and my own papers (i’m in grad school for clinical child psychology, so i do a bit of writing, although generally the geniality and wittiness is frowned upon in those papers…..I also intern at an alternative day school in Addison, IL as a student counselor, psychotherapy group leader, teachers aid, one-to-one assistant to some of the kids, and i also generally serve as a gofer and whipping boy (girl?) to everyone above me.

    Its fun. My future, it looks like a wasteland at the moment.

    Sometimes, late at night i cry. Cause seriously, do you have any idea how underpaid counselors are?? :o)

  60. 60 JD

    Lena: Oh. I’m sorry, even tho you inserted a jaunty smiley face at the end of your comment. You’re doing amazingly worthwhile work, and I admire you. Maybe you can pick up some paying proofreading jobs on the side? In your “free” time?

  61. 61 Steve Bush

    I was out with my class one day taking notes in the field. We were writing about tidepool animals down at the beach, and everyone had clipboards so that they could write. A seagull flew overhead, as they often do at the beach, and dropped a big green blob of bird waste. I guess it had eaten some seaweed or something. This blob falls in the middle of our group and lands on the outstretched clipboard of one of my classmates. It splatted on her paper and sent secondary bird bombs flying throughout our group like disgusting green shrapnel. We were very disgusted. Anyway, being pecked is the second worst way to be attacked by a bird and I’m glad you’re okay.
    .-= Steve Bush´s last blog ..August 6 – Photo Fact =-.

  62. 62 JD

    Steve Bush: Oh, that does sound much worse than a simple pecking. At least there are no stains (other than the blood). I bet your students weren’t too eager to get back outside where those seagulls were waiting, were they?

  63. 63 MomZombie

    I’m rather wary of Canada Geese. They were a protected species on my college campus. While that sounds nice in writing, they are very unpleasant creatures. Get too close and they lung and honk at you. Their poop made the walkways treacherous in all seasons. Sometimes they’d gather in a group and block the path, cackling as you sidestepped their beady-eyed stares.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Signs, signs, everywhere signs =-.

  64. 64 JD

    MomZombie: Brrrr. We had some kind of geese at a condo where we used to live. They were extremely scary. I made the mistake of feeding them some bread once, and after that, they made it their business to get in my face whenever I went outside. Which I never did after that.

  65. 65 David

    I’d like to see you recreate the walnut thing in your own home, so I don’t have to. That, or the one where Laura can’t stop tampering with the mail and ends up with a closetful of automatically-inflatable raft.

  66. 66 JD

    David: The walnut one would be hilarious. But perhaps a little too expensive. The inflatable raft one, tho—I can see that one. Maybe I can somehow combine the two to write a post about filling a raft with walnuts and . . . hmmm. Needs work.

  67. 67 Eric @ Touch Up Paint

    I remember as a kid I was freaked out at the movie “The Birds” directed by Alfred Hitchcock. My parents took me to see the movie about five years after its initial release. When then took a trip up to Bodega Bay where it took place. The seascape looks familiar but the town changed form the movie. It looked a lot more developed than portrayed in the movie. Was there ever a reason why Hitchcock translated the story by Daphne du Maurier into film?

  68. 68 JD

    Eric @ Touch Up Paint: I don’t know, but I’d stay away from Bodega Bay. Especially the gas station.

  69. 69 Jessica

    Thank you for this story. My boyfriend always makes fun of me because I am afraid of birds. I totally think that they are all plotting on pecking my eyes out. He told me that it never happens. So I searched online and found several sites where it has happened. Birds are evil.

  70. 70 JD

    Jessica: I agree. I hope your boyfriend believes you, now that you’ve shown him these sites (with photos, I hope) that prove birds peck out people’s eyes. Of COURSE, they’re plotting. What else do they have to do?

  71. 71 Laser Guy

    That’s insane. I myself am scared of the big black birds. I’ve had them swoop down past my head before. I normally try to avoid them if at all possible. So have you been back to see if he’s still there??

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