There’s been a lot of hatred around these parts lately, so I thought we should all switch our emotional gears.
Specifically, to the love of chocolate. For there be no greater love than that between a stomach and chocolate. Except it’s not really mutual. But that hardly matters, with a love this powerful.
This is a love so strong that even the act of unwrapping countless individual pieces will not discourage the chocolate lover from her prize. She will unwrap until her fingers bleed and she is surrounded by a mountain of crumpled foil paper.
Yes, I speak of the Hershey’s Kiss.
Is there a more perfect expression of chocolatey love than this sweetly wrapped little morsel?
O! The whispery paper plume. O! the poor wrapping job. O! The suggestive nipple shape.
This is a love story.
And, like all love stories, it begins with violence.
When Dave got up the other day, he came into my office holding a Hershey’s Kiss.
“Did you throw this at me last night?”
I assured him I didn’t.
“Well, how did it get in the bed?”
You see, I had been eating Hershey’s Kisses in bed the night before. Not IN bed, as in lying under the covers in my pj’s, but just lounging atop the covers, looking at porn, and chomping away. But I didn’t want Dave to know of my sordid habits.
“Oh, I put it on your pillow as part of your turn-down service.”
This was a stupid explanation because when Dave comes to bed the room is dark. If I DID put a Kiss on his pillow, he would probably pierce his eardrum on it when he laid down.
“You’re a weirdo.”
I’m a weirdo? Me? Who’s asking who if who threw a Hershey’s Kiss at . . . who? Hmm? WHO? Or more specifically, WHOM? “Weirdo,” inDEED!
(This speech was taking place inside my head, by the way. It happens a lot. So if you ever see me with a strangely animated yet stupefied expression, it’s not gas. It’s . . . this kind of thing.)
Then I confessed to my eating spree.
A stray (WRAPPED!) Kiss must’ve gotten trapped under my butt at some point and gone unnoticed until later that night, when one of us rolled over and catapulted it through the air to land on Dave’s head.
It didn’t seem appropriate to eat it, seeing how it had been in our bed, possibly touching BODY PARTS and/or getting sweated upon. So it sat on top of the microwave.
Until I ate it. Because it was wrapped, after all.
And my love is strong.
Fun Hershey’s Kiss Facts!
- Hershey’s Kisses were invented a long time ago!
- They come in lots of varieties, which this crazy 10-year-old likes to collect!
- I want this Hershey’s Kiss pillow!
- That’s about it!
Would you get mad if someone threw a Hershey’s Kiss at your head?
Kiss came from here