Yesterday my mother-in-law asked me if I still had my wedding dress. Oh, how badly I wanted to lie. But I’m trying to be more honest—in speech if not in actions—so out came the truth, as gently as I could word it:
Nope! I threw it out.
She was slack-jawed for a minute, but Dave came to my rescue. “Well, we recently did a big clean-out of our basement, and we were pretty ruthless in getting rid of stuff.”
I know, I know. I could have taken it to a resale shop, sold it on eBay, had a seamstress make it into a parachute or something . . . there were definitely options available to me other than throwing it out unceremoniously with the taped-together blender, 400 pairs of sneakers, and waffle iron.
But, people, I am lazy. And realistic.
Top 10 Reasons I Got Rid of My Wedding Dress
I really don’t see myself wearing it to too many places.
But if I did want to wear it, I could still TOTALLY fit into it . . .
. . . if I contracted a severe wasting disease and lost 50 lbs. in one day.
Anyway, I don’t want to.
The price to clean and store it properly is prohibitive . . .
. . . and I would rather spend my money on cupcakes and US magazine.
I look terrible in white.
YES, I said “white.”
I’m just not that sentimental . . .
. . . tho I could not bear to part with the guitar trophy I won for playing “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head” when I was 10.
Anyway, you think I’m bad? My mother-in-law had to confess that she’d gotten rid of her bridal veil in what seems to me a much more violent manner: she lit a match to it and BURNED it! Man, I just tossed my dress out into the alley.
If you want to throw out your wedding dress:
Stop! There are alternatives if you’re less lazy and more sentimental than I am:
I suppose reminiscing about throwing away my wedding dress may not be the best way to say “I love you” to the man I’ve been married to for 18 years, but it’ll do.
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
Whether my dress is in a bag in the basement or hanging in my closet, I couldn’t love you more.