I Take Requests

Anything you want
You got it

Hello. Did you know that sometimes I take requests? Well, I do.

But sometimes I don’t. For example, if you’ve recently asked me to sleep with your spouse, visit a VD clinic, or take back your beer bottles, you’re going to be . . . wait a minute. Is the spouse hot? Please send a photo.

The point is, that if you ask nicely, I may just grant your wish. The point also is, if you don’t ask nicely, I may still grant your wish, if it tickles my fancy. My fancy is notoriously ticklish. So you never know. But if you need some guidelines, here are some things I won’t do.

You just might be surprised at what I’ll do. I like to do things. That’s why I started this blog. And, oh, how it warms the cockles of my heart to do something for an earnest young blogling such as Sarah.

Sarah had the good sense to come to me and seek guidance with a bitterly divisive issue that threatens to destroy her friendships and ruin her life. She also recognizes the wisdom of the I Do Things readers and includes them (you) in her request:

Dear JD,

I was wondering if you and your readers could help me name a fish so I don’t have to. Plus this way my roommate and I will stop fighting about it. One request, it should not have a person’s name (i.e., Paul, Bob, Walter, Susan, Hannah, Thelma, etc.) because we don’t want to have friends with the same name as our fish.

Thank you!
- Sarah

Name a fish? This is what I live for. Here ya go, Sarah. Three primo fish names right off the top of my head:

    Señor Fishington

Readers! Please help Sarah and her roommates. Name her fish and you, too, will feel the warm glow I feel EVERY DAY. You might need a special massage tool to get exactly the same warm glow, but you’ll feel pretty darn good.


Coming this month!

  • I Get a Colonoscopy so you don’t have to (possibly with exciting video!)
  • I Go to Toronto so you don’t have to
  • I . . . something about Zombies so you don’t have to


There’s always something fishy at humor-blogs.

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56 Responses to “I Take Requests”

  1. 1 Daisy the Curly Cat

    This is very, very hard because I am hoping for a fish pet, myself. So, I do not want to use up all of my good names (sorry Sarah). This leaves me with only one suggestion: Scaly.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Clouds

  2. 2 Momto4kidsny

    Goldy is the one name that come to mind that is not a people name. Lefty also comes to mind oh and Sir Swims A Lot.

    And I know she said no people name but does she have a friend named George? If not George is a good name too.

    Momto4kidsny’s last blog post..A few of my Favorite Things

  3. 3 Jeff

    Mr. Limpet comes to mind.

    Is this the same Sarah that won the book on my blog? Because if it is, she sure gets around a lot for someone who doesn’t have a blog of her own. I think it’s about time we stage an intervention and help get her up and running!

    Jeff’s last blog post..It’s Party Time!

  4. 4 Jeff

    Oh, and if this is the same Sarah (who is only 18), she’ll probably need to Google my Mr. Limpet reference to figure out what the hell I’m talking about.

    Jeff’s last blog post..It’s Party Time!

  5. 5 Kathy

    First, Jeff. I don’t know who the hell you’re talking about.

    Sarah, how about Legs?

    JD, Lookie at you, helping all your peeps! You are awesome so I don’t have to be!

    Kathy’s last blog post..I’ll Have the Ten-Toe Special

  6. 6 Lori

    How about Ferti? Our fish always tend to end up as fertilizer in the the yard!

  7. 7 Musing

    How about Aficionado (uh *fish* ya nah doh). She could call him Nado for short.

    Musing’s last blog post..In all family disagreements

  8. 8 Sarah

    Jeff, yes this is the same sarah and I know who Mr. Limpit is, IN FACT, I own the DVD!!!!! :) I know I need to start a blog, but you may need to have an intervention anyways. I read a lot of them (6 i think, including Kathy’s, Corrina’s {who hasn’t commented here yet}and Fashion Paramedic) but I can’t come up with content.

    So far, i love all of the suggestions… maybe I need a prize for the winner, HEY! this would be a great time to start a blog! OK guys, where do i sign. (sorry Jeff I guess I staged my own intervention.) Send suggestions to: singingstar28@hotmail.com

  9. 9 Alvin

    My vote on naming the goldfish would be: Catbreath.

    Because a fish can never be too safe. You know, with it’s habitat and all.

    Alvin’s last blog post..Wondering Where The Lions Are.

  10. 10 Chat Blanc

    yay Sarah, startin’ her own blog! :)

    Okay, I know this may seem a bit cruel, but I love the funny factor in naming a fish—Flush. That way if it dies prematurely you can tell people he was just fulfilling his destiny of circling the big towel bowl in the sky.

    Chat Blanc’s last blog post..I’m feeling rather. . . DROWSEY!

  11. 11 JD

    Everyone! Thanks for chiming in. I definitely think Sarah should award a prize. Maybe

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I think “Scaly” is a very good name. In fact, I’m sure if Sarah chooses “Scaly,” she wouldn’t mind if you used it for your fish pet, too.

    Momto4kidsny: HA! I like “Sir Swims a Lot.” And you can’t go wrong with “George.”

    Jeff: I guess you got your answer re: the identity of Sarah. And I agree: Sarah needs a blog. PS: “Mr. Limpet” rules!

    Kathy: Well, as Jeff so kindly suggested, try Google! Yes, I am awesome. But you guys are the ones coming up with all the great names. “LEGS”!!!

    Lori: That’s starting him off on kind of a bad note, don’t you think? Tho “Ferti” is kind of a cute name.

    Musing: I love these clever “trick” names that can be shortened to something cute. She could also call him “Fish” for short.

    Sarah! Glad you stopped by. I hope you will start a blog—you’ve already got some fans!

  12. 12 Chat Blanc

    oops! I meant toilet bowl–sheesh I’m not awake! :P

    Chat Blanc’s last blog post..I’m feeling rather. . . DROWSEY!

  13. 13 Babs - beetle

    How about ‘Fishmonger’ Oh, but they sell dead fish don’t they! or try ‘Hey fishy’ or ‘Fin face’ or ‘Finny’ That’s my contribution :O)

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Who IS this?

  14. 14 Regan

    Hmmm, how about Fishzilla?

    I love requests. I will be sending some in the near future.

    Can you think of requests I can send you so I don’t have to?

  15. 15 Alice

    I’m gonna say that I like Senor Fishington. I mean, if I can’t pick ‘Bob’.

    Alice’s last blog post..Ta Da!

  16. 16 tinsenpup

    Fido? Spot? Fluffy? Mr Whiskers?

    tinsenpup’s last blog post..I May Be Some Time

  17. 17 Jay

    Well, d’uh!!! Surely it has to be ‘Scaly’! Or maybe Popeye.

    All of our fish are called Maurice. Always have been… except for one fancy shubunkin type who was called Maurice. No, that is NOT the same name! It was pronounced ‘Maur-rees’ with the emphasis on the ‘rees’. He looked foreign, you see.

    Jay’s last blog post..Canadians, eh?

  18. 18 Sassy Mama Bear

    Well naming a fish….
    how about fish, you know like the character on Barney Miller? so not creative I know.
    Could you get me a souvenier spoon from Toronto so I don’t have to????????????????

    Sassy Mama Bear’s last blog post..Current giveaways at Mama Bear Reads:

  19. 19 JD

    Alvin: I like the way you think, sir!

    Chat Blanc: “Flush” is funny. So is “towel bowl.” I’m going to steal that.

    Babs – beetle: Ooh, “Finny” is cute. Good one!

    Regan: “Fishzilla”! Regan, you are obviously a pro at naming fish. I’m going to put a “request form” in my sidebar, so you may apply there.

    Alice: Woo! One of mine gets a vote. Thank you! (It does have a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?)

    tinsenpup: I’m sensing a theme here . . .

    Jay: All our fish were named “Fishenheimer,” and there is only one way to pronounce that. I like “Maurice”—pronounced either way.

    Sassy Mama Bear: If you want that spoon, you’re gonna have to do better than “fish,” my friend.

  20. 20 russ

    After reading the list of things that I don’t have to do, the only thing I suppose that I can say is “thanks!”


    russ’s last blog post..THE DEVIL’S VICES

  21. 21 JT

    Anybody remember A Fish Named Wanda? Could be rather appropriate. Although I have to admit, a fish Flush is pretty hysterical. We had a fish named Popsicle, in honor of us being on an adult vacation while my mom watched the kids, and when one of our fish dide, she didn’t know what to do with it, so she stuck in a sandwich bag and put him in the freezer awaiting our return! That was a bizarre wake up call at 1 am in the morning when we got home and I went to get ice for some water. Just didn’t expect a fish in there staring back at me!

    JT’s last blog post..Another day of Random Things

  22. 22 JT

    Oi! It’s late and I’m sexed, I mean worn out out! *A fish named Flush and *when our fish died

    JT’s last blog post..Another day of Random Things

  23. 23 JT

    Oh I give up. Not my typing night.

    JT’s last blog post..Another day of Random Things

  24. 24 JD

    JT: Don’t worry, sweetie—we gotchya! A fish named Flush, A Fish Called Wanda, and Popsicle Fish.

    Now go get a good night’s sleep!

  25. 25 Natural

    Well I need to know what kind of fish it is and can she upload a YouTube video so I can observe it….nope not kidding.

    How about:

    Cheddar, our late hamster
    Cheeks, our other late late hamster
    Herva, the last hamster of ours to die

    Natural’s last blog post..Bye-Bye Birdie

  26. 26 Sarah

    OK so the contest continues over at MY NEW BLOG!!


    Thanks for the names! I’ll let JD know the winner and I’ll post it on my blog as well

    P.S. There’s a prize now!

  27. 27 jailbird

    I hope I’m not too late and the fish has been named (or died) but my suggestion is SATAN. All fish are from the devil.

  28. 28 LuckyGirl

    I vote for Fluffy. There just aren’t enough fish named Fluffy these days.

    LuckyGirl’s last blog post..Recycled Flowers

  29. 29 Jenny

    I Do Fins So You Don’t Have To!

    My suggestions …

    Fin de Siecle

    Wild Gill Hickock


    Rin Tin Fin

    Jenny’s last blog post..Our Bad … Tree, That Is

  30. 30 WillThink4Wine

    Mybestfriend. Think about it, whenever Sarah introduces her fish she’ll have to say this is my fish, Mybestfriend! I love it!

    WillThink4Wine’s last blog post..Sunday Stuff

  31. 31 JD

    russ: And that, my friend, is all you need to say.

    Natural: Sarah? You hear that? Get busy. A video will be helpful to everyone. Natural, you’re very brave to partake in this contest after your recent tragedy.

    Sarah: Whee! Congratulations! I’m on my way . . .

    jailbird: Wow. Some pretty strong feelings about fish, eh? Still, I rather like “Satan.”

    LuckyGirl: You’re right! Where are all the fish named “Fluffy”? I haven’t run into any in years. Great suggestion!

    Jenny: Snerk! Heh. Good one. And the rest. Especially Wild Gill Hickock! I knew my readers wouldn’t let me down!

    WillThink4Wine: Aw, that’s sweet. That makes me want to rename our kitten.

    Sarah:All right! Everyone head over to Sarah’s place for a fabulous prize!

  32. 32 bsilvia

    :) (that’s Croatian word for fish)

    bsilvia’s last blog post..Creating Swirls in Adobe Illustrator – Part One, re-visited

  33. 33 bsilvia

    ps: pronouncing r-ee-b-a


    bsilvia’s last blog post..Creating Swirls in Adobe Illustrator – Part One, re-visited

  34. 34 DirtyLaundryDiva

    Will you and/or your readers post rants on my blog so I don;t have to be a raging b!t@h everyday? Ha, yeah right- I’ll be raging either way but I LOVE reading others rants.

    and… we once named a fish Paco Valenviela but that is a persons name huh? Well, I tried!

    DirtyLaundryDiva’s last blog post..Can I get a drum roll for the looser…

  35. 35 Ethan Nobles

    I’ve got the perfect name for a fish. It’s a person’s name, but a very uncommon name so that ought to count.

    The name? Rommel.

    Why? Because a fish lives in a tank.

    Heh, heh!

    Ethan Nobles’s last blog post..My daughter owns me

  36. 36 Sarah

    bsilvia, I like it and will add it to the list

    Nice try dirtylaundydiva, but it is a real name. I probably won’t have caught it if you didn’t point it out.

    Ethan, I don’t get it sorry…

    JD, i’m sorry that i’m responding to people i know that’s a perk as a blogger so, my deepest appologies!

  37. 37 Corrina

    I’m going with Scrappy. :-) Everyone loves a scrappy fish.

    Corrina’s last blog post..Fighting the Good Fight

  38. 38 Luxor

    My first thought was “Rainbow …”

    Well, maybe not exactly my *first thought, but … ;-)

    Luxor’s last blog post..Mancat Monday

  39. 39 Jenn

    How about “Templeton”? *shrug*

    Jenn’s last blog post..Good Discipline

  40. 40 JD

    bsilvia: I like “Riba”! Kind of like “Reba McIntyre.” Hmmm. Not so crazy about her. Can we pronounce it “RYE-Ba”?

    DirtyLaundryDiva: Yes, Paco Valenviela is indeed a person’s name, but I’m guessing Sarah probably doesn’t have a friend by that name. But I could be wrong. Rage on, my bitchly friend!

    Ethan Nobles: HAR! Who knew there were so many fish-name puns out there? I actually quite like that one . . .

    Sarah: You are most welcome to chime in here whenever and wherever you like. The more the merrier! (Rommel was a commander in the German Army during WWII and did wonders for tank warfare.)

    Corrina: You’re right! Everyone does love a scrappy fish. “SCRAPPY!” Yes, I can see it.

    Luxor: You are a beautiful white cat, are you not? Then I am guessing your first thought had more to do with how the poor fish would taste rather than how it should be named.

    Jenn: Hee! Good one. You could call him “Temp” for short, which could also stand for “Temporary” . . . hmmm.

  41. 41 Sarah

    Scrapy and Templeton have been added to the list. We’ll pick the winner tomorrow.

  42. 42 Broadwaymatron

    Aw, come on this is easy – “Sushi”

    Broadwaymatron’s last blog post..One Week from Today

  43. 43 JD

    Broadwaymatron: HA! Yes, that’s a good one. Mmmm, I could go for a California Roll right about now…

  44. 44 Scratch Bags

    Ooops! lots of catching up to do on your blog. Have been a little busy oflate.:) How have you been doing?

    My takes- Ryba, Pez, Pescar, Angel, Bubbles, Berty, Kiarra

    Scratch Bags’s last blog post..Heya Pooty Pie!

  45. 45 windyridge

    Well heck I need some character traits so I can name accordingly! Fish have feelings too ya know…

    windyridge’s last blog post..Vacation 08 and Rascal’s Barbed Tongue

  46. 46 JD

    Scratch Bags: Hey, Scratchy! We missed you! Those are all great suggestions. Sarah? Are you getting these?

    I’m behind on my blog-reading too.

    windyridge: Oh, dear. We hadn’t thought of that. Sarah: please fill us in. Is Unnamed Fish blue? orange? green? big? small? gassy? fat? near-sighted? (‘Cuz if he’s gassy I would totally call him “Gassy.”)

  47. 47 banquet manager

    No offense, but I’d rather you have a colonoscopy than me!
    So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager

    banquet manager’s last blog post..We’ve Always Done It That Way…

  48. 48 JD

    banquet manager: HA! I thought you’d say that. No problem.

  49. 49 JD

    Chat Blanc: You know I will!

    Lisa Lisa: I saw Shoot ‘Em Up too! I agree: pretty darn cheesy, but it did have the very hot Clive Owen plus Paul Giamatti (not hot, but still awesome). I laughed at the carrot killing scene. A bit ridiculous. At least I didn’t see the trailer and get my hopes up. DAMN YOU, PREVIEWS!

    dcr: Well, perhaps I was exaggerating just a tad. And she’d better thank God for Photoshop, or how could we stand to look at her skillet head?

    Musing: That’s fine with me, but you may have to fight with a few other people here!

    Ethanator1088: YES, it is going to rock! Come back and tell us what you thought.

    Jenn: Well, I hope you go see The Dark Knight, because your husband (and hopefully you!) will LOVE the previews.

  50. 50 Sarah

    I’m sorry, I haven’t really bought the fish yet, Moving is hard on them and college is 5.5 hours away from home, so it’s kinda like naming a baby, you can’t really “get to know them” before you name them…

  51. 51 Sarah

    JD, We have a winner!! but, I’m putting it on my blog so I’ll have some visitors!!

    Sarah’s last blog post..Factories: The New Growing Grounds for Huge Bugs

  52. 52 JD

    Sarah: Well, that makes perfect sense. But you know we will all want to see a picture when you do get him/her.

    OK, everyone! Let’s go to Sarah’s place to find out the winner!

  53. 53 brooke regans friend

    i know the contest ended but this is and awesome name

    Super fish

  54. 54 JD

    brooke regans friend: That is indeed an awesome name. Maybe if Sarah gets 2 fishes, she’ll consider “SUPER FISH”!!!

  55. 55 shizzle

    Name him richard whisky, and when you get mad at it you can call it dick liquor…

  56. 56 JD

    shizzle: Well, there’s a suggestion. Unfortunately, Mr. Shizzle (or is it Miss Shizzle?) you’re too late.


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