I Take Muscle Relaxerrsssss

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon

The battle against chronic pain continues!

And I WILL win. But not without a few casualties.

Those casualties, unfortunately, will be me. Only in singular. Casualty.

Last week my doctor sat at her computer with her handy book, What Pills HASN’T JD Taken? at her side. She came up with a duo of pharmaceuticals that would beat my back and hip pain into submission.

She shook her tiny clenched fists in the air.

“This is going to work!”

But then she paused and added darkly, “But at what cost?”

Um . . .

The cost, according to her book, of taking a muscle relaxer called something like Tizidizidin (“Tizanidine” — Ed.) was dizziness.

Excellent. Dizzy is fun! Who doesn’t love to spin around until they puke? ME! I mean, me? What I don’t want is drowsy. Drowsy is no good. It’s fine if I’m just planning to lie on the sofa all day and watch a marathon of Hell’s Kitchen (DO NOT JUDGE), but I wanted to get some things done this weekend. Nevertheless, I waited until Saturday afternoon, after I’d run my errands, to take my first Tizidizidin.

The first thing I felt was a distinct lack of pain. Oh, my gaw. I never believed it would really work. I am not in pain. I am moving and things are not hurting. BIZARRE!

The second thing I felt was a distinct slowing down of motor skills, followed by vicious dry mouth and lack of will to live. Nevertheless, I proceeded with my planned activities.

Dear Makers of Tizidizidin: In addition to the usual warnings of “don’t drive, don’t operate heavy machinery,” etc., I suggest you include the following:

  • Don’t Nair your legs
  • Don’t take a shower, especially in a tub where you’ve rinsed Nair off your legs and created a slippery surface even a sober person would have trouble navigating
  • Don’t eat crackers and tuna salad, as this will be reduced to a paste the likes of which will take you approximately a month to swallow
  • Don’t sort through the mail. You will throw out the checks and try to stick the bills under the refrigerator.
  • Don’t get dressed. Those leg holes will be the death of you.
  • Don’t brush your hair. What is hair? It doesn’t exist. It’s only a concept.
  • Don’t talk on the phone. Those voices are trying to make you go into the scary attic.
  • Don’t try to breathe. You don’t need to breathe. You are a starfish!

After standing and staring into space for about an hour, I made a move. For my camera.

I may or may not have been naked when I took this photo.

Finally I fell onto the bed. Every now and then I surfaced enough to form a thought: I am taking the most excellent nap! But I wasn’t really asleep so much as I was dead-ish.

Later — MUCH later, I read the directions:

Symptoms of overdose may include:

  • drowsiness
  • extreme tiredness
  • confusion
  • slow heartbeat
  • fainting
  • dizziness
  • slow or shallow breathing
  • loss of consciousness

Bingo-How-Fun! All of the above, I think. It’s hard to remember what with all the loss of consciousness.

Soooo . . . will I be taking Tizidizidin again?

Aw, HELL, yeah! It’s a killer appetite suppressant!

*        *        *

So what’s YOUR favorite muscle relaxer? Have you ever tried Tizidizidin? Please don’t tell me if it made you die. I need to fit into that dress I bought.

<a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfY0A-HLeMo”><em><strong>There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon</strong></em></a>

<a href=”../wp-content/uploads/2010/08/zombie-eyes.jpg”><img title=”zombie-eyes” src=”../wp-content/uploads/2010/08/zombie-eyes-300×93.jpg” alt=”" width=”300″ height=”93″ /></a>

The battle against chronic pain continues!

And I WILL win. But not without a few casualties.

Those casualties, unfortunately, will be me. Only in singular. Casualty.

Last week my doctor sat at her computer with her handy Book of Pills at her side. She had come up with a duo of pharmaceuticals that would beat my back and hip pain into submission.

She shook her tiny clenched fists in the air.

“This is going to work!”

But then she paused and added darkly, “But at what cost?”

Um . . .

The cost, apparently, of taking a harmless-sounding muscle relaxer called something like Tizidizidin <em>(“Tizanidine” — Ed.) </em>was dizziness.

Excellent. Dizzy is fun! Who doesn’t love to spin around until they puke? ME! I mean, me? What I don’t want is drowsy. Drowsy is no good. I mean, it’s fine if I’m just planning to lie on the sofa all day and watch a marathon of <em>Hell’s Kitchen</em> (DO NOT JUDGE), but I wanted to get some things done this weekend. Nevertheless, I waited until Saturday afternoon, after I’d run my errands, to take my first Tizidizidin.

The first thing I felt was a distinct lack of pain. Oh, my gaw. I never believed it would really work. I am not in pain. I am moving and things are not hurting. BIZARRE!

The second thing I felt was a distinct slowing down of motor skills, followed by a vicious dry mouth and lack of will to live. Nevertheless, I proceeded with my planned activities.

Dear Makers of Tizidizidin: In addition to the usual warnings of “don’t drive, don’t operate heavy machinery,” etc. I suggest you include the following:

Don’t attempt to Nair your legs

Don’t take a shower

Don’t eat crackers and tuna salad, as this will be reduced to a paste the likes of which will take you approximately a month to swallow

Don’t talk on the phone. You won’t be able to lift the receiver.

Before I hit my bed , I did manage to document the zombie

<a href=”http://idothings.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/zombie-jd.jpg”><img class=”alignnone size-medium wp-image-5985″ title=”zombie-jd” src=”http://idothings.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/zombie-jd-300×200.jpg” alt=”" width=”300″ height=”200″ /></a>

I also had the presence of mind to grab the directions. I read:

Symptoms of overdose may include:
<li>extreme tiredness</li>
<li>slow heartbeat</li>
<li>slow or shallow breathing</li>
<li>loss of consciousness</li>
OK, wow. I did everything but faint, and really, I can’t be sure I didn’t actually faint somewhere in there.

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51 Responses to “I Take Muscle Relaxerrsssss”

  1. 1 Shieldmaiden1196

    Considering that one 25 mg Benadryl hits me like a handful of ‘ludes I hope I never need such a wonderdrug or they’ll have to wheel me around in one of those wicker chairs with a blanket on my lap and let me lie about in the garden petting a kitten like Beth in Little Women.
    .-= Shieldmaiden1196´s last blog ..Boogity- Boogity- Boogity =-.

  2. 2 Daisy the Curly Cat

    That medicine sounds a little bit fun. After I had the surgery to remove the rocks from my bladder, I had some medicines that made me sleepy. I just laid around all day.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Go- Rumbles- Go! =-.

  3. 3 Anne

    I have a similar reaction to Ambien. I took it once and have no recollection of the following 3 days. It sounds kind of inconvenient to me which, since it works, leads to a major dilemma of to take it or not to take it. Maybe you build up a tolerance to the side effects?

  4. 4 Dorn

    “You’re a starfish.” Freakin’ Awesome! Sounds like one hell of a trip!

    Note to your intro…a friend of mine Karaoked Comfortably Numb in his super thick Mexican accent. Still on the top of my highlight list of drunken exploits!

  5. 5 Courtney_P

    “I may or may not have been naked when I took this photo.”

    And this is why I love your blog.

  6. 6 cardiogirl

    My favorite is:

    Don’t brush your hair. What is hair? It doesn’t exist. It’s only a concept.

    Hair is only a concept! Love that! I wish thighs that jiggle was only a concept too. Although if I took some of your T that *could* become only a concept because of the appetite suppressant.

    (Leaves to call her doctor.)
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..You could see Grandma’s box it was so weird =-.

  7. 7 Barb @WillThink4Wine

    I’m so sorry you have chronic pain, JD. A dear friend of mine has more pain in one day than the average person will cumulatively in a lifetime. Like you, she seems to cope with humor.

    It all started when she was 4 and contracted Polio, and it went downhill from there, and we’ll leave it at that. About 6-8 years ago she finally had to have a morphine pump surgically … what? installed? Her pain threshold and meds resistance is Monumental. – EPIC! … she has to have an extra special Anesthesiologist for any and all surgeries.

    I hope this new drug offers you maximum relief and minimal side effects.
    .-= Barb @WillThink4Wine´s last blog ..Night Nap Intermission with JT =-.

  8. 8 absepa

    I’ve only taken a muscle relaxer once, and it was disappointing in its lack of zombie-like side effects. It just made my neck stop hurting. (I have to confess that I kind of like that melting-into-the-pillow feeling you get from some drugs.) The Tizidizidindin sounds like it could be just the thing for your pain, as long as it doesn’t cause you to go arse-over-teakettle down the stairs or something first. Maybe you could reduce the dose?
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Please pardon this interruption =-.

  9. 9 moooooog35

    My doctor just gave me this exact prescription for my back pain.

    May I suggest NOT chasing two of these with some Advil PM.

    I’m still not sure if it was me or someone else who painted this room with feces.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..My Job Moonlighting as Dish Dolly R Us- Inc =-.

  10. 10 Grace

    Thankfully my chronic pain is managed with ibuprofen and gritted teeth and Sicilian pig-headed stubbornness and a cane. Years ago I had a variety of what I like to call “stupid pills” After a few days of taking them, you just feel stupid – as in you can’t remember your name! The morphine never helped much either!
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Cop-Out =-.

  11. 11 Ron

    “Don’t sort through the mail. You will throw out the checks and try to stick the bills under the refrigerator.”

    Bwhahahahahahahaha….you KILL me, woman!!!

    That one and…..

    “Don’t Nair your legs.”

    I’d be afraid I’d accidentally Nair my eyebrows off!

    Glad you’re feeling no pain, girl.

    Me? I’ve never taken a muscle relaxer. But, it sound like FUN!
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Your Office is Open =-.

  12. 12 Stephanie Barr

    I used to take an apparently much milder muscle relaxer. Never wiped out the pain, but never left me nonfunctional.

    Given that I must function, the pain must go on.

    Have Dave go through the mail.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..More on Greatness =-.

  13. 13 Kathy

    That title’s got SEO written all over it. You’ll get all the drunk Googlers.

    Why do I think it’s the cutest thing to envision you tucking your mail under the refrigerator? It shouldn’t make me laugh, but it did. I’m sorry.

    I was told once that Tylenol PM was super awesome and helpful for cramps. I thought, oh, nice and relaxing. I took a full dose (two caplets) and didn’t wake up for 14 hours. Took me another 14 to feel human again.

    I wish you didn’t have all this crap to deal with. JD? JD? Are you awake?
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..I Lost My Writing Mojo =-.

  14. 14 Kathleen Kaufman

    Ooh, so sorry you even need this souped up pain killer! But, I am glad your camera is handy, and you remembered how to operate it :)

    The only thing I can compare that to is Vicodin, which they gave me after having Mr. Adorablepants, and was a big ball of no fun. Like the previous poster said, all it did was take away the pain, pfffttt….. stupid drugs, doing their job and not giving me Alice in Wonderland dreams.
    .-= Kathleen Kaufman´s last blog ..The Pessimists’ Cookbook- Misadventures in Gastronomica =-.

  15. 15 Jen

    I wish you didn’t have so much pain, or any for that matter, but at least something manageable while alert.

    I took muscle relaxers in high school, they were called motrin but this was before you could buy them without a prescription. I don’t have much pain unless I hurt myself, nothing chronic.

    I love how you look great even when you are tripping.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..How Can You Tell When The Pasta Is Ready =-.

  16. 16 Lauren

    ROFLMAO! Absolutely loved your list, although I would add Nairing upper lip hair. Even when sober, I manage to singe eyelashes and nose hairs when disintegrating my aunt’s mustache above my lip. She gave it to me along with some jewelry before she passed on.

    I once took Oxytocin for Sciatica pain and threw up for hours, which also resulted in dry mouth, dizziness, and a loss of the will to live, as well as five pounds.
    .-= Lauren ´s last blog ..Companies Hiring Monkeys Instead of the Unemployed =-.

  17. 17 puglette

    wow, that sounds like a doozy! i glanced briefly at some of the side affects and found that is is used to treat spacisity. sounds like it may cause that too!

    i don’t get pain relievers often. my doctor doesn’t believe me when i say everything hurts. i get the anti depressant route. the only thing with a similar effect i got to try is trazodone. they just make me sleep.

    hubby takes tramadol for his back. nothing exciting there.

    i am sorry you need heavy duty medication like this even though it makes for entertaining blogging. take care of yourself.
    .-= puglette´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Charlie! =-.

  18. 18 Tarheel Rambler

    Did it also warn you not to drink wine for 30 days before take, not to combine with Ex-Lax, and not to have conversations that could have legal ramifications? All important considerations.
    .-= Tarheel Rambler´s last blog ..Yearning to Breath Free =-.

  19. 19 Nathan

    Absolutely hilarious!!

    I hope you get to feeling better…

    On a side note I think I need a new doctor cause i’ve never beens prescribed anything that has the same effects that you experienced!!

    JK :) I don’t think I could handle it!

  20. 20 Linda

    Hi, sorry you are dealing with this terrible pain. Hope you get the dosage and side effects straightened out, so you can feel better without feeling so weird.

    I took a mild muscle relaxers some years ago for a back spasm. They didn’t make me loopy, and I could even still drive.

    I did take a 500 mg. hydrocodone (I think that’s what it was), and didn’t get off the bed for hours. I finally got hungry and had hubby get me chicken nuggets and fries from McD. Strange, I know, but it was what I felt like I could eat. It worked!

  21. 21 JD

    Shieldmaiden1196: Mmmm . . . ‘ludes. And, oh, man. I’m cracking up at your Little Women reference. Poor Beth — she was so pathetic!

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Yep, that’s pretty much what I did all day. I’m glad they got all those rocks out of your bladder, even if you did have to take some medicines.

    Anne: I’m hoping I’ll build up a tolerance. Also, I can try splitting the pill in half. I’ve never tried Ambien, but it works great for my brother who can’t sleep when he travels.

    Dorn: I’ve simply GOT to hear that Mexican version of “Comfortably Numb.” Is it on YouTube? Hilarious.

    Courtney_P: Aw, you’re sweet. (P.S. I was naked!)

    cardiogirl: Lemme know what your doctor says. Yes, I’m very excited about the appetite suppressant part. I’m sitting here eating one salted cashew for every word I type and wondering if maybe I don’t need some muscle relaxer right about now?

    Barb @WillThink4Wine: Thank you. And I’m really sorry for your friend. I can’t even imagine. My pain is definitely inconvenient and sometimes incapacitating, but NOTHING like what your friend is going through. I’m glad she’s able to use her sense of humor to help her through it. (And I suspect having a good friend like you doesn’t hurt either.)

    absepa: I’m definitely taking half a dose next time. I suppose that’ll mean half the pain-killing-ness, but we’ll see. I do have some drugs that induce a pleasant zombie-like state, but I was really hoping this muscle relaxer would just work without all of that other stuff. We shall see!

    Grace: I wish I had your pig-headed stubborness. I guess my Scottish and German forebears were not known for their stubborness. They are stupid pills in every sense of the word. But sometimes a little stupid is better than the alternative. For me, anyway.

    moooooog35: I bet it was the hamster. Man, I can’t imagine wanting to take ANYthing “P.M.” after this drug, and yet I didn’t sleep very well that night. At least there was no feces smearing.

    Ron: I’m just glad I didn’t try SHAVING my legs! I’m glad you’ve never had any need to take a muscle relaxer, but, yes, they can be fun — as long as you don’t need to get anything done.

    Stephanie Barr: It seems like you can’t get one without the other — function without fuzziness, that is. But sometimes the pain is more distracting than the side effects, so I’m grateful to have SOMEthing.

    Kathy: I’m here! Just shoving the last of these bills under the fridge. Yeah, I expect a lot of hits based on my post title. I chose those “swear symbols” carefully, you know. 14 hours of sleep sounds awesome, but I know that feeling of not feeling human. Not worth it.

    Kathleen Kaufman: Oh, thank you. And yes, a good blogger — even a zombified blogger — remembers to take a picture! Vicodin works very well for me, but it does make me sort of goopy. It’s weird how different medications affect people differently. Don’t they know we want a little boost of “feel-good” with our pain relief?

    Jen: You’re so sweet. I really agonized over whether to post that photo. I think I look sweaty and haggard. So the Motrin you took in high school — was that the same as what you buy OTC today?

    Lauren: HA! Is it wrong of me to laugh at your aunt’s mustache? I’m laughing with you, you know. As I said above, at least I didn’t try shaving my legs. So you lost 5 lbs. on Oxytocin, eh? Hmmm. Duly noted.

    Tarheel Rambler: Oh, boy. These directions are seriously lacking. And also in print too small to even read, so I probably missed some other important stuff. Like, “don’t take while alive” or something like that.

    puglette: Yes, I looked it up too, despite my fear of reading about all the horrifying side effects. Spacisity? I am NOT spastic! I hate your doctor. You need to find a new one. I am so very grateful that my doctor believes me and tries to help me. I took Tramadol for a time, but my doc said it was addictive and she didn’t want me to take it long-term. It pops up in all the spam messages along with Vicodin, but I didn’t get anything out of it. Hmm. (and thank you)

    Nathan: Thank you! Imagining writing the post in my head helped pass the time as I lay on the bed, hovering between consciousness and zombieness. This is definitely not a drug for the inexperienced!

    Linda: Boy, I’d love something that didn’t make me loopy. It sucks to feel like you can’t drive anywhere once you’ve taken a pill. McDonald’s sounds good to me ANY time!

  22. 22 the early girl

    For reasons too boring for your heavy-lidded eyes to process, I am currently staying with my sister and her boyfriend for two weeks. They take turns handing each other pills out of the biggest prescription (they call it subscription) bottle I have ever seen. It’s filled with every muscle relaxer and mood “leveler” currently being manufactured in the US. And Canada. And Mexico. I was gonna ask them about this new one but I’m afraid they won’t know what it is either and will trip over each other trying to get to the pharmacy to demand an explanation. And a free sample. They call themselves pillbillies but somehow manage to function as actual, working humans. As for me, I took a half a Xanax because, well, I don’t have a reason other than they were the prettiest color in the bottle and when in Rome… It took me 2 hours to write this comment (lots of shiny things in their backyard) and now I can’t even remember what your question was. Be safe and have fun and I love your blog!!
    .-= the early girl´s last blog ..adult swim the last of john =-.

  23. 23 Jay

    Rats. I wrote a long reply and then (in the befuddled state Im in today) somehow lost it.

    So sorry you’re having to deal with all this, but my, that was a funny post! LOL!

    Me, I’m taking the dubious mixture of codeine and amitriptylline at the moment among other things – this is supposed to help me with 1) chronic pain and 2) chronic migraine symptoms, which don’t seem to have a rational explanation. You aren’t supposed to mix them but the neuro said I should, so … anyway, at first it really helped me sleep. I had good solid nights for a week! JOY! But then it was giving me nightmares so I cut down to one amitriptylline instead of two and tried not to take codeine at night.

    Well, last night I had to give in and take the painkillers and ended up doing battle all night long with a giant tapeworm larva wearing a dragon costume made of red and green cardboard. He lived in a playtunnel, but that was as far as the amusing aspect went. Blood, destruction, death, people being eaten .. then it noticed ME and started chasing me, and bloody talking to me!! Sheesh.

    Needless to say, I’ve been feeling like death warmed up today. I guess my point is, I sympathise!!
    .-= Jay´s last blog ..Macro Monday – Puzzle No 30 =-.

  24. 24 babs - beetle

    Oh poor you! Ha ha ha……oh, sorry to laugh, but it’s your fault for being so funny!

    Thankfully, I have never had to take such strong drugs. Ibuprofen is my choice of pain killer, if and when I need it. Even then I have to be pushed into taking it. I wish there was something that could be done to stop your pain. Ongoing pain is the worst thing.
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..The painting is finished =-.

  25. 25 Stephanie Barr

    I wasn’t criticizing. My pain, though chronic, is more irritating than debilitating. Not the same as something so painful it takes your life over.

    I hope you find a way to get it under control.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..More on Greatness =-.

  26. 26 VJ

    You are so not funny

  27. 27 Kelly

    I wish there was a drug that made my pain go away completely. I wouldn’t care if I was incredibly loopy. That would actually be fun for me AND for the people around me. Sadly, my friend Darvocet only eliminates pains up to about level 6, and only takes the edge off higher level pains. My doc started me on Lyrica, but so far I don’t see that it’s helping any. I should notice something after two weeks, right? I sure wish I could take Hydrocodone (or Oxycontin or Vicodin or Lortab or Percocet), but I’d rather be in pain than puke for 6 hours.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..Peeking Through the Thorns =-.

  28. 28 Pricilla

    The publicist did not take this muscle relaxant but when her back went in the long ago past before her headache started the doctor gave her some manner of muscle relaxant but she was due to take her Series 7 exam for her broker’s license. If she did not take it she would have to wait another year.

    She was going to take it come hell or woozy feeling.

    She took the test! And you know what? She was sooooooooooo relaxed she got the highest score in the state of NJ on the test. She now recommends that everyone be that relaxed before a big test.

    She didn’t care. The answers just flew out of her head. She had of course studied.

    email me. I have some drug recommendations. It took them three years to get me somewhat functional again
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Monday Movies with The Happy Goats =-.

  29. 29 Lola

    I feel your pain sistah! I take Flexeril and it basically causes narcolepsy. I will be sitting watching television and next thing


    Then I hear a click startling me awake. That would be my darn kids taking photos of me with their camera phones all fallen asleep on the sofa and possibly drooling.

    I tried the extended release version and all it did was make me a zombie. I didn’t fall asleep, but I was constantly feeling like I was on the verge of falling asleep.

    And forget about concentrating or putting more than 1 thought together. Sudoku is definitely out. Which makes me sad, cause I love Sudoku.

    And on the days when Flexeril doesn’t cut it, the Norco is scary. When I take that I sleep, but it’s fitful, SCARY nightmare sleep.
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Worlds Dumbest Way to Spend A Saturday Evening =-.

  30. 30 meleah rebeccah

    OMG! Julia! This is sofa king funny! I have never taken Tizidizidin but once I took Flexerall. I liked it and probably too much!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Lunch and Bowling with Fellow Bloggers =-.

  31. 31 Unfinished Rambler

    I disagree with VJ…You are too so funny.

    Tizidizidin: That sounds like an Eastern Europe country, split off from the Soviet bloc, or at least a capital of one of those countries.

    As for muscle relaxants, I always thought tequila was the best. Just watch out for the worm. ;)
    .-= Unfinished Rambler´s last blog ..A Heluva Good race Eh- not really- but Jimmie Johnson wrecked! Woo hoo! =-.

  32. 32 Patricia (We're gonna need a bigger pill)

    Oh Lord, you crack me up, J.D.! I’m on tizidizidin as well, but I don’t have the awesome side effect of pain relief.

    One of my worst (best?) ‘chronic pain-medication experiences’ was taking my niece (3) and nephew (1.5) to the aquarium whilst taking Soma. (Someone else was driving and other people were with us, so everyone put down your phone and stop dialing child services.) I gotta say, though, the ‘touch me! pond’ is not just fun for people of all ages, but also people of all ages tripping on goofballs.

    Oh, and I have great photographic evidence of the memories my brain didn’t deem important enough to grab in any sort of semi-permanent way. Did you know that the fact that an aquarium calling their restrooms ‘Mermaids’ and ‘Merman’ is the single funniest thing on the planet? Because I have ten photographs of the signs, ranging from slightly out of focus to the hotdog stand. Oh, and a joke-picture of me and the kids in a sharks mouth. I’m all ready for http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com.

    But hey, the kids had a GREAT time and they LOVE their Auntie Pat! (Although they need to add ‘don’t let people drive a stroller’ to the list of ‘don’ts.’)

  33. 33 LeAnn

    I don’t do muscle relaxers except for when my arthritic knee acts up. Then it’s vicodin or oxycodone. They just make me dizzy. No fun stuff.
    I have taken mind relaxers though. Once I was experiencing panic attacks after two miscarriages and my mother’s death in the space of 10 months (let’s air all the laundry now) . I was prescribed xanax and they did the trick, helped me maintain. It was in December and my then-husband’s office was having a Christmas party. I decided to prepare myself and took a pill before we left. I was alright, able to not freak out being in a crowd. THEN I had a vodka and something, not realizing the effect of tranquilizers and booze, but I did find out.
    I don’t think I made out with husband’s boss or anything embarrassing, but I do remember having a very,VERY good time.

  34. 34 The Hawg!

    Painkillers? Hah! The Hawg sneer’s at pain. He defies pain. He refuses to acknowledge pain.

    Wait — does beer count as a painkiller?
    .-= The Hawg!´s last blog ..Being prepared- a how-to fair coming Aug 21 =-.

  35. 35 Jenny H

    I have never taken a muscle relaxer or this tizzidizziness you were given to ease your pain. I do take effexor-xr for anxiety, and a few weeks back I had a really crappy day. Crappy as in, I forgot to take it in the morning and wandered around all day saying, “Did I take my pill this morning?” And since taking two of them could be really bad, I decided to just wing it. We were walking through the grocery store later that afternoon and I kept stumbling into things. I couldn’t remember things. My brain was all fuzzy. As I walked by a cardboard display of tuna in a blue package, I bumped into it and nearly knocked it over. My fiance put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I think it’s safe to say you didn’t take your pill this morning.”

    WTH? I also have omega-wicked vivid dreams every single night, but only on the nights I sleep. I actually have to take benadryl to sleep through the night without waking up exactly every 57 minutes. There was even one night I swear to god I went back in time, but that’s another three-mile-long comment story. I don’t have anxiety though, so it must be working.

    In conclusion… tizzidizzy drugs sound like fun.
    .-= Jenny H´s last blog ..Frustrated Take a Break for Your Kids’ Sake =-.

  36. 36 Jenn of Many Cabbages

    The starfish line made me laugh, too.

    But seriously, how do I e-check on you to make sure you’re alive??

    The last time I had that kind of buzz was when I had a big fever and the flu…

    All night long, over and over again, my brain was playing a few bars of the Spice Girls’ “Tell You What I Want.” Which I HATE with searing passionate loathing.
    .-= Jenn of Many Cabbages´s last blog ..Kooky Clems Oddity Attic =-.

  37. 37 Patricia (We're gonna need a bigger pill)

    Clearly, VJ’s physician didn’t titrate him off his pissy mood quickly enough. Don’t you have an intercom out of which you can swear? Please grab a couple of beers and wait for me at the end of the emergency exit slide.

  38. 38 JD

    the early girl: I love your blog and I love this comment. How I would dearly love to meet your pillbilly sister and sister’s boyfriend. I call mine “subscriptions” too. I have this mental image of you sitting down resolutely to type your comment, only to look up and go, “Oooh, shiny!” and wander outside for several hours. Too funny.

    Jay: “Befuddled” seems to be going around! What a bummer that the meds that helped you sleep give you nightmares. That’s so unfair! There is nothing worse than not sleeping. If you’re in pain, it’s the only respite. Still . . . that tapeworm larva dream sounds kinda cool. But I know it isn’t any fun to wake up from a horror movie. I sympathize with you too. Why can’t they get these meds right?

    babs – beetle: No, it’s OK to laugh. PLEASE laugh! I’m laughing. I’m happy for you that all you need is the occasional ibuprofen. We need you to be in good shape, what with all your DIY and art projects, not to mention your blog!

    Stephanie Barr: We talked about this, so we’re cool. I would never think you were criticizing, as you know. Irritating pain is still bad. I know we’ll both be OK.

    VJ: Oh, yes, I am. I SO am.

    Kelly: Yeah, two weeks should be enough, tho what do I know? I’m sorry you’re not having luck with getting thorough pain relief from your meds. And yeah, puking for 6 hours would be a deterrent for me too. Hang in there.

    Pricilla: Wow! That’s an amazing story! Yes, I will e-mail you RIGHT NOW! Congrats to the publicist.

    Lola: I know you do, Lola, and I’m sorry. Dang, why can’t we get one freaking medication that does what it’s supposed to without all these creepy side effects? Sleeping is so important, especially if you’re in pain. I’m grateful my doc understands that and has pretty much given me a life prescription of Trazadone. But even that doesn’t always guarantee me a full night.

    meleah rebeccah: Boy, I’m jealous of all you Flexerall users! I tried it (a bunch of times), and it just didn’t do anything except make me feel extremely crabby and then put me to sleep exactly 3 hours after taking it. Boo!

    Unfinished Rambler: Thank you! I don’t know where that came from. My husband is trying to wean me off of pills and on to rum. I just can’t stomach hard liquor anymore. Or soft liquor for that matter. But you’ve given me an idea about the worm . . .

    Patricia (We’re gonna need a bigger pill): I love you. What does Tizidizidin do for you, if not provide pain relief? I’ve never heard of Soma, but I’m'a look it up. Sounds awesome! Your “Mermaid/Merman” experience sounds SO much like something I’d do (oh, hell, HAVE done). Awesome. Any chance of seeing those photos?

    LeAnn: Oh, I’m sorry you had such a tough time of it. I’ve always been scared to add booze into the mix. Also, I just don’t much like booze. But after reading your description . . . I am a little intrigued. I take Klonopin for anxiety (I used to have bad panic attacks; now I just have . . . well, a love for Klonopin). It helps more than any other kind of muscle relaxer on back pain, and I’m trying to convince my doc to just let me have that. We shall see.

    The Hawg!: Hey, good to see you! I love your manly attitude toward pain. And no, beer really does not count, so that makes you even MORE manly.

    Jenny H: Oh, you poor thing. I’ll say it again: WE NEED OUR SLEEP! Soooo important. I take Lexapro for anxiety and I’ve missed a day here and there, but luckily it doesn’t affect me. I think it would only be noticeable if I missed several days. I hate that feeling of, Did I take my pill? Did I take one or two? I have vivid dreams, but they’re usually enjoyable, if a bit exhausting.

    Jenn of Many Cabbages: God, I hate when your brain starts playing an obnoxious song on a loop. That happens to me when I’m sick, too. And . . . uh oh . . . I think you’ve just implanted that song into my brain. NO!!!!

    Patricia (We’re gonna need a bigger pill): I don’t know who this VJ is, but for some reason, I thought she was female. I’ll be waiting by the slide.

  39. 39 Lin

    Wow. I’m kinda laughing, kinda not. The whole thing sounds kinda freaky. Is there nothing else they can do for your back pain?? Yikes.

    I was given Tramadol for my butt issue, but I try not to use it when I read how addictive that crap is. Now I’m going to a p/t who massages my butt every week. And while that sounds nice, she TALKS the whole time ruining the “massage”, which isn’t really a massage but Physical therapy, but it sure feels like a massage. I love her. Too bad it wasn’t some young strapping young man–it would be even better!

    I hope you get this medicine mastered, pally. Be safe and healthy!
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..Semi-Wordless Wednesday =-.

  40. 40 Nicky

    I once sprained my back and they gave me Demerol at the hospital. It was the only hospital visit I ever enjoyed. Alas, it was over too soon. They sent me home with Percocet, which was alright, but not as good as the Demerol.
    .-= Nicky´s last blog ..Miles and Kilometers =-.

  41. 41 Sue Seese

    Oh please, please tell me you yelled STELLA six or seven times while you were tripping, like Elaine on Seinfeld.
    If not then yes, you must take them again because you missed out on a great opportunity.


  42. 42 Angelique

    I love this. It made me so hard.

  43. 43 Angelique

    I just seen the comment “Stella”!!! Thanks so much for sharing. I love humor!

  44. 44 Angelique

    OMG,I meant laugh so hard.
    Wish I could delete that. I’m a little embarrassed.
    .-= Angelique´s last blog ..What is the difference between a Diary and a Journal =-.

  45. 45 redline

    I also have a tizanidine Rx for back and hip pain; it’s actually one of the milder muscle relaxers. The key is to take it right before you go to bed, consistently, as in every other night or so. This forces your muscles to relax in your sleep and things stay looser over time. It’s not worth trying to take it during the day, as it’s impossible to function. Also, if you have chronic back/hip haven’t been to an osteopath, go see one, mine has done miracles for me.

  46. 46 JD

    Lin: We’re still working on the issue. I’m confident there’s something out there that will help without putting me into a coma. I’m OK with semi-coma. I tried Tramadol, and my doctor was all, Ooooh, ADDICTIVE! but it didn’t do anything for me, so that worked out, I guess. God, I hate talkative massage therapists. I’ve had my butt deep-tissued, and it is GOOD. Tho I can’t help but feel a little self-conscious at the sensation of rolling fat.

    Nicky: Ha! I’ve never tried either of those, believe it or not. And a back sprain does not sound fun. Yow. I hope you’re OK now.

    Sue Seese: Damn it! Why didn’t I think of “STELLA!” I’ll definitely make this a part of my next muscle relaxer experience. That is, if I can figure out how to make my vocal cords work.

    Angelique: HAHAHAHA! Then my work here is done. I could delete it for you, but what’s the fun in that? ;)

    redline: Huh. Well, thank you, I’ll definitely try that AND the osteopath. I appreciate your advice very much!

  47. 47 Mom Taxi Julie

    Oh man that’s freaking crazy!! TG you don’t have little kids at home demanding shit from you while you overdose ;)
    .-= Mom Taxi Julie´s last blog ..When I lose my shit =-.

  48. 48 kathryn

    OH MY GOD! You poor thing!

    Maybe you would have done better had you NOT KNOWN what the side effects were?? You know…just to see if you STILL would have lost the will to live??

    Wow. It sounds like a super-strong personality suppressant. How are you going to function with that stuff? Or, have you just decided to become one with the couch??

    Note to JD: retrieve bills from under the fridge.
    .-= kathryn´s last blog ..Down for Maintenance =-.

  49. 49 finallygettingtoeven.com

    It sounds like at least the pills did the trick for your back, not much for your social life, motor functions or the like. Next time you will know to just watch your marathons as you slip in and out of consciousness. For me, I’m like this after a glass of wine….
    .-= finallygettingtoeven.com´s last blog ..Today in history- Aug 16th =-.

  50. 50 JD

    Mom Taxi Julie: I first read this as “TB” and thought you were saying “Too bad you don’t have . . . ” and I thought, Wow, I like her sense of humor! But it’s really better as “TG,” I think.

    kathryn: YES! “Personality suppressant.” That’s it exactly. And that made me feel sad. I rather like my personality. (No, the bills stay where they are. DON’T TELL DAVE!)

    finallygettingtoeven.com: I’ve thought of trying wine for a muscle relaxant, but it usually just makes my face all red and then I feel extremely crabby. Not sure I could enjoy my Hell’s Kitchen marathon like that.

  1. 1 Tweets that mention I Take Muscle Relaxerrss ssso yooouuu donx$%^kdg&^)jairp’a# at I Do Things So You Don’t Have To -- Topsy.com


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