I Take it Orally

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small

Something’s been bothering me lately and, not surprisingly, it has to do with butts.

Butts. We all have one. Hopefully only one! Wait . . . nope! I knew it. There’s at least one poor guy out there with two.

Anyway, for those of us who have only one butt, it’s pretty obvious that this part of the anatomy was not exactly designed for ease of access by its owner. For example, notice how your butt is not on your face? There’s a reason for that. It’s because it’s a butt. It belongs behind you, and that is why it’s euphemistically referred to as your “behind” or “rear.”

Which makes the existence of suppositories even more mysterious and WTF.

I was once prescribed a suppository. I can’t remember what it was for, because nature provides us with amnesia for those situations. I do recall that I was able to hold the suppository near my butt; however, I never worked up the courage to put it in there, because . . . that’s my butt! I could get it close to the, you know, but I couldn’t make myself actually insert it. It’s like trying to punch yourself. Your body has a built-in defense mechanism to keep things like that from happening.

I also remember that I had to lie on my side. Think about it. There’s really no other way to get the job done. Because it’s BEHIND you. Like, wa-a-a-ay back there. And then also UP.

So I get confused and angry whenever I see Hollywood take the easy way out when depicting suppository scenes.

Twice now I’ve watched movie characters stick stuff up their butts as if they were shoving popcorn into their mouths. Remember the scene in Trainspotting, where Ewan McGregor’s character simply slips his hand down the back of his jeans and pops those pills up his butt? Same thing with Jonah Hill in Get Him to the Greek. When he’s asked to “put the candy in the jar,” he wanders behind a potted plant and, with just the slightest of grimaces, crams it up there.

It’s impossible! Standing erect, fully clothed, not even loosening the pants? It simply cannot be done, unless you have a extra-long giant arm or maybe are double-jointed.

It’s criminal to misrepresent this complicated and difficult procedure, especially when, according to the Worm Guru, we’ve ALL got gross, itchy butt worms and will need to not only make our own suppositories but learn how to get them up there.

I say, good luck with that. I’ll be swallowing my butt-worm suppository. It’ll get down there one way or another, right?


Please share your suppository and/or butt-worm stories. If anyone out there can do it standing up? I’m gonna need to see the video.


Pills came from here.

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54 Responses to “I Take it Orally”

  1. 1 Katherine

    I am incredibly impressed with the fact that you know your movie scenes!!! I remember having to give them to the babies, and they shoot right out like rockets!!!

  2. 2 Lola

    I believe I’ve been prescribed suppositories at least once. I have colitis. However, I don’t ever recall attempting to use them. In fact, I wonder why I even filled the prescription, because I knew there was no way I was going to ‘get the job done’ on my own.

    I think there is something seriously twisted about your ability to recall those 2 movie scenes. I haven’t seen either movie, but I can’t imagine that those scenes took much time on the screen, especially the way you are describing the ease with which those characters accomplished cramming things up where most (err the majority) of things don’t belong.
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Sometimes Surprises are Good… =-.

  3. 3 puglette

    uh uh…not going there. literally.
    .-= puglette´s last blog ..Little Miss Pearl’s Ponderings =-.

  4. 4 moooooog35

    Oh. This was about drugs.

    I read the title and..um…


    Way to draw in the readers, JD.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Family Circus Goes Taboo – Billy Wants Dolly =-.

  5. 5 Sue

    Please Dear God let me never be prescribed a suppository. As far as I’m concerned things are suppose to come out of there not go in.

  6. 6 absepa

    When I was a kid, I had one of those all-food-and-liquid-leaving-by-any-available-exit stomach viruses, and suppositories were involved. I think I was scarred for life. And I definitely do not intend to see either one of those movies. I don’t even like thinking about it. (shivers)
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Maybe not the ninth level, but it was getting close =-.

  7. 7 Stephanie Barr

    I finally realized why those sorts of medicines come with warnings that say, “NOT to be taken orally.”

    I remember someone telling me, duh, why would you need those warnings?

    Now I know.

    Here’s hoping I’m never in a position to need that kind of medicine myself. Maybe one needs a kindly spouse not taken to smirking behind one’s back…so to speak.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..Slow Couple of Weeks =-.

  8. 8 Surfie

    Oh my. I have never had to take a suppository, and hopefully I will never have to in the future. I can’t even imagine. I’d be too embarrassed to even fill the prescription because then the pharmacy people would all be like, “OMG! She’s got to shove that into her poop chute! LOL!” Actually, most pharmacy people are more grown up than that. They probably would have left off the OMG and LOL. Geez, as if rectal thermometers weren’t bad enough.
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..When the Census Comes Calling =-.

  9. 9 Noelle

    “For all the good they did me, I might as well have shoved them up my arse.”

    Nothing gets me like that kind of fakery for a movie’s sake. I think the magical suppository insertion is in the same realm as the “no wetspot after sex” phenomenon. No one in the history of movies has ever had to deal with post-sex mess, with the possible exception of Trainspotting, when Ewan MacGregor removes his condom in silhouette, which maybe makes up for the incorrect nil-by-mouth aspects?

    Also, in real life, one rarely sees babies on the ceiling.
    .-= Noelle´s last blog ..Eat This, Eat That! =-.

  10. 10 Anne

    I’ve got nothing for you. I don’t think I have ever had a suppository (unless I blocked it out completely). I don’t know what I would do. Maybe panic?!? I don’t think I could reach back there easily.
    .-= Anne´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Libby! =-.

  11. 11 babs - beetle

    No suppository stories from me, though I imagine I would wear a surgical glove if I ever had to actually insert one of those things – fingernails and all!
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Who put that there? =-.

  12. 12 Linda

    Ah, yet another item I can mark off of my list of things to avoid doing- EVER! Thanks. :)

  13. 13 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    I would like nothing more than to share with you my butt worm story, but NBC has purchased the movie rights, but I promise, it will be a scene you will never forget. And therefore be able to pull out of your ass (so to speak) at any dinner party in a moment’s notice.
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Done To a Customer? =-.

  14. 14 LJ

    Where do you come up with this shit? Seriously!? ;-)
    .-= LJ´s last blog ..It Feels Like A Monday =-.

  15. 15 Tracy

    I’ve had to give my kids suppositories before. Oh the look of betrayal on their little faces!

    Aren’t they lubricated though? I mean, you’ve fit much larger things out of there before, so getting a tiny suppository in shouldn’t be that much trouble.

    If I ever have occasion to use one, I will let you know how it goes.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Awesome German Words for Feelings =-.

  16. 16 JD

    Katherine: HA! I would imagine the adult ones shoot right out too. Because it’s just damn unnatural.

    Lola: I wish I didn’t think so much about fictionalized depictions of suppository insertion. It just struck me, tho, in both scenes: “How is that even possible?” But then consider the alternative. They can’t really SHOW it like it happens. Still. Hollywood is misleading a lot of innocent people.

    puglette: I hope you never have to!

    moooooog35: Sorry to disappoint you. Not that that topic is completely off the table, of course.

    Sue: Agreed! That’s how human beings are created. If you do get a prescription for a suppository, just wave it around the general area, like I did. I’m pretty sure that works.

    absepa: Oh, you poor thing. Being so sick AND having to take suppositories? No, I don’t recommend either movie, ESPECIALLY Trainspotting. The scene following the suppository scene? Not for the faint of heart or stomach.

    Stephanie Barr: I can’t imagine my spouse, smirking or not, ever volunteering to help with a suppository. I think he’d probably plan a long weekend away, just to be safe.

    Surfie: HAHAHA! Yeah, I can’t help but wonder what my pharmacy staff says about me. You KNOW they talk and laugh behind your back. It’s a stressful job. I can’t say I’d blame them for throwing in an “OMG” or “LOL” just for the hell of it.

    Noelle: YES! Excellent. True, you see a lot of things in Trainspotting that can be attributed to drugs, so maybe it’s not the most accurate source. But as gross as that movie was in some parts, you’d think they’d show it. Not that I’d want them to, you understand.

    Anne: No one can reach back there easily! That’s why this is so crazy. Be thankful you have no memory of what was no doubt extremely traumatic.

    babs – beetle: Ouch! I’d probably trim my fingernails. But what am I saying? I’m never going to do it, so it doesn’t matter. If I’m so sick that I need a suppository, I’ll go to the ER, demand morphine, and let some nurse do it while I’m unconscious.

    Linda: You’re welcome! Yeah, this is not something anyone wants to experience firsthand. Or secondhand, for that matter.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Damn. I can’t wait for your butt worm movie. NBC, you say? I hope it will star Jimmy Smits as the bemused but compassionate proctologist and Allison Janney as your mother. And of course, Rachel Harris as you.

    LJ: I don’t know! It just bugs me. I see these unrealistic portrayals of certain . . . procedures and just feel the need to blow the whistle.

    Tracy: For me, I don’t think the problem is fitting it . . . in there but of just forcing your hand to go back there and DO IT. And if you’re self-administering, you really have to be lying down or else crouching awkwardly. This standing up and shoving it in? Not possible.

  17. 17 Lisa

    Isn’t there a saying out there like ‘the only thing in our way is our butts?’ Oh yeah, I think it’s something about ‘but’ (with one t)…anyway, call me a prude, butt (no pun intended here) things will only be coming out, not going in my rear. Dr’s orders or not!
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Summer Bash ‘10 =-.

  18. 18 Janiss

    I have no suppository stories, and neither does Sparkle. But I do want to say that the fact that you’ve seen both Trainspotting and Get Him to the Greek show that you are definitely cooler than the average blogger.
    .-= Janiss´s last blog ..The Paper Bag Investment Strategy =-.

  19. 19 Jen

    I’ve only had suppositories that went in the other hole down there. God, I can’t believe I just typed that. I’m amazed what you get me to divulge on your blog, you have quite the talent for that.

    Yet another reason for me not to see Train Spotting.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Observations From A Garage Sale =-.

  20. 20 Jaffer

    Love the comments over there

    “Do you fart in stereo ?”

    Sorry about your medical condition … worms findiing a home and starting a family … up your butt…

    bwahahahahahaha !

    Nope I was way too young when I got big yellow capsules shoved up me arse by a filipino nurse.

    Felt funny for some time but then it was all forgotten by the next minute.

    P.S. Click here

  21. 21 meleah rebeccah

    I currently do not have any suppository and/or butt-worm stories. But you will be The First To Know when and if that day ever comes!

    Now I am left to wonder: how was the movie Get Him to the Greek! Was it funny?
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Oh Hello Internet! =-.

  22. 22 Daisy the Curly Cat

    It seems those things should come with a stick or something to help you install them in the proper place. I never had a suppository. Nothing goes near my button.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Monday Funnies! =-.

  23. 23 CherylT

    Love the Jefferson Airplane (pre-Starship, for all you Gen-Xers). Don’t know how in the world you found that anal discussion, but glad I found you on FMB, will be back for more if you decide to update.

  24. 24 Tracy

    JD I was going to give you a list of ways I think it could possibly be done in a way that preserves your dignity and doesn’t result in the suppository being forcefully expelled, but you know what? We’re classy ladies. We don’t subject people to our TMI.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Awesome German Words for Feelings =-.

  25. 25 JD

    Lisa: I could not agree more. Also, I rather like your new slogan “The only thing in our way is our butts.” I don’t know exactly what it means, but I plan to steal it.

    Janiss: HA! Thank you. I don’t know about Get Him to the Greek tho. It was a little disappointing. Also, only about 15% of the scenes shown in the trailer are actually in the movie. The “candy in the jar” line? NOT EVEN IN THE FILM!

    Jen: “The other hole down there.” No, I can’t believe you typed that either, but then I just wrote an entire post about butts and suppositories. (Trainspotting is really an excellent movie, but not for the weak-stomached.)

    Jaffer: I know! I wanted to include some of the responses to the 2-butted guy’s query, but no room. Speaking of room . . . OWWWWWWWWWW! Why did I have to click on that???

    meleah rebeccah: Thank you! Get Him to the Greek would’ve been a lot funnier if they had left out all the “deep message” portions. It’s like they had a funny, silly movie, and then at the last minute, someone decided it needed more depth. Bad decision.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Yes! A stick! What a good idea. You are very wise not to let anything near your “button.” Hee!

    CherylT: Thanks for popping in! Oh, believe me, if there’s an anal discussion out there, I will find it. Welcome to my world.

    Tracy: There you go. Or you could just e-mail me. You know. Just in case.

  26. 26 MomZombie

    I have a hazy memory of a childhood trauma involving these wretched things. Thankfully I have not had ocassion to revisit the experience.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Gran Torino, belatedly =-.

  27. 27 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    I’ve actually met a good deal of people with two holes…it just far more likely that the second hole is on their face. It’s more common than you’d ever believe.

    Ahem. I recently learned of a woman that has a double vajumba…actually a double vajumba, double cervixes, and, as the grand prize, double uteri. (Sadly, there was no entry about what a grouping of female parts is called.) Evidently the vajumbas refused to work in concert, so poor thing was having her period 21 days out of the month! 21 days! The surgeons solved the double vajumba problem by cutting through and making one big one which she must pack lest the barrier grow back…also, I wonder if there is maybe a double they forgot to mention? Maybe one that would make up for having double everything else….?


    Alright, finally, for those of you who have your doubts about, well, the flexibility of that area, you might, might want to see goatse. Now, I will say this: goatse is NNNNNNNSFW. Got it? NSFW! NSFW!


    I told you it was NSFW. But now you know the answer to your question, J.D. I’m sorry it had to be this way.

  28. 28 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    Funny, I’ve met quite a few people who have two back holes–however it’s mostly one back there and one on the face. A plague!

    I’ve also, similarly, read a story about a woman with a double dip of female parts–two vajumbas, two uteri, two cervixes. Due to her duality, she would have her period 21 days a month. (Sadly, I looked it up and there is no mention of what a wild group of women’s privates is called. Poor thing–although I must admit it was strange her boyfriends never noticed. I just wonder if she has double…ya know, to make up for everything else being double:


    I’ve gotten several suppositories in my time. The first time I was given one I was quite young and the nurse made the mistake of telling me as soon as I ’2ed’ I could go home. Of course I went to the bathroom, waited awhile, and then announced it was time to go home. I am so sorry for lying to you, Nurse Cratchet. Wait, I’m not, I wanted to go home, dammit!

  29. 29 Straight Guy

    It can be done.

    I’ve said too much.

  30. 30 meleah rebeccah

    Oh! Seriously, who wants ‘deep messages’ in a movie like that! Thanks for the heads up! :)
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Oh Hello Internet! =-.

  31. 31 Lin

    Okay, this is soooo TMI, but I have had some butt “issues” recently and not only have I been sticking suppositories up there, but I’ve also had 2 doctors and a physical therapist stick their fingers in there to examine me. Yeah, I’m all looking nonchalant while they are digging for China in my rear end. You know, it is hard to be cool when that is going on–for BOTH parties.

    I can’t imagine butt worms are any worse than this.
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..Are we having fun yet? =-.

  32. 32 Lauren

    It’s like a gag reflex for the butt. That’s why a butt head has such a big mouth. Open mouth, insert foot. Bend over and say, ah!

    If I ever had suppositorized in the past, I also have blocked it from memory. Though there was that time I smuggled hot sauce across the border.
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Odd Jobs. Not Oddjob from James Bond. =-.

  33. 33 kathryn

    Ew. You weren’t having this discussion at mealtime…were you?? And what kind of movies are you watching that this has become a theme…of sorts??

    I do believe I am concerned.

    And you are correct…anything taken orally *should* eventually be seeing the other end…sooner or later.

    I don’t mind waiting.
    .-= kathryn´s last blog ..Monster =-.

  34. 34 cardiogirl

    Oh boy. I did have to bite the bullet, metaphorically speaking, after my third kid was born.

    I resisted for a good long while and used the donut (not the good kind of donut, either.) But eventually even the donut let me down and I had to go with the suppository.


    They melt with body heat, did you know that? So I ruined quite a few in my hand trying to, uh, properly position it.

    It really sucked and I had to use them for two or three days but when the relief came it was welcomed.

    I haven’t had to use them since and I am ever thankful.

    Now let’s just keep this between you and me, okay?
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..$25,000 Pyramid featuring Sheryl Crow =-.

  35. 35 JD

    MomZombie: I think it’s no coincidence that most suppository traumas took place during our childhoods, when we were weak and dependent. As adults, we will NEVER let that happen again!

    Patricia (Huzzah!): Aw! Her uterus is in the shape of a heart! OK, where was I? Yes, I would HOPE for all that trouble she gets herself some double O’s. Ah, Nurse Cratchet. We’ve all lied to get the hell out of your clutches. You did the right thing.

    Straight Guy: Get back here! Explain yourself! Please? HOW? Is it a guy thing? It must be. Guys have such skinny butts, there’s not that much to reach around. Oh, for a video . . .

    meleah rebeccah: I’m not saying it’s not good for a few laughs, but yeah, it does get a little “The meaning of life and all you need is love”-ish at times.

    Lin: Oh, I’m sorry. It’s really no laughing matter. But . . . heh. I remember how important it was to me to act all nonchalant when my doctor stuck his finger up there pre-colonoscopy. That will just never, ever be OK. I hope your butt issues get resolved and SOON.

    Lauren: HAHAHA! OK, we need to hear about this hot sauce tale.

    kathryn: No, I don’t mind waiting either! HA! So it takes a little longer? Big deal. It’s worth it. I don’t know why all the movies I watch have to do with sticking things up butts; maybe I never fully resolved a childhood butt trauma?

    cardiogirl: I promise: I will not tell a soul. But you didn’t insert them standing up, did you? How sad that these kinds of issues can’t be cured with the good kind of donut. Can you imagine how happy everyone would be to go to the pharmacy?

  36. 36 Canucklehead

    This was not the reason I was thinking of getting an “EXIT ONLY” tattoo on my lower back – but would offer the added bonus of preventing a suppository from being ummmm, inserted while I was ‘unaware’ (likely passed out) in an emergency room. Wait – why are they using one again? Ah well, better safe than sorry.
    .-= Canucklehead´s last blog ..I (heart) Ilderton! =-.

  37. 37 Yum Yucky

    oh my gosh, I have a story, butt I ain’t talkin’. It’s making my stomach queasy just thinking about it.
    .-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..I Gnaw on Trashy Breakfast For Good Health =-.

  38. 38 flit

    I’ve given many…10+ years of working with people with disabilities. Also enemas. And done disimpactions as well. You do NOT, if you don’t already know what that is, want to know.

    Gotten none that I remember (and would like to keep it that way, thanks)
    .-= flit´s last blog ..Convocation =-.

  39. 39 Patricia (Huzzah!)


    I’m going to introduce you to something called a shock site. Shock sites are…shocking. Do not view this picture if you are doing…well, anything. http://www.g0atse.fr . Except put a regular ‘o’ where the 0 is…that will answer your question. I am so, so sorry in advance. So, so, so sorry.

  40. 40 Kathleen Kaufman

    Itchy Butt Worms is going to be the name of my new band. I will play the jazz flute.
    .-= Kathleen Kaufman´s last blog ..Wuv, Twoo Wuv…..An Ode To My 10th Anniversary =-.

  41. 41 dcr

    If you’ve got worms, Ivermectin ought to take care of that for you.

    Don’t know if it’s approved for use by humans, though.

    You might have to see a vet.
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Your Psychic Reading is Enclosed =-.

  42. 42 Sheila Sultani

    I wonder how many people read this and then stood up and tried to see if they could reach their, um, you know . . . I swear I wasn’t one of them (ok well maybe, but with my clothes on just to see if I could reach it) who knows, maybe you how abnormally short arms and don’t realize it.
    .-= Sheila Sultani´s last blog ..Where Has All The Humor Gone? =-.

  43. 43 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    DCR, please allow me the dignity to scoot my bottom across the living room rug. ;)

  44. 44 Your Daily Cute

    Nothing is TMI in blogs anymore, is it?! ;)

    I laughed through the whole post, and then through the confessional which was the comments.
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..Puppy Brushes his Own Teeth =-.

  45. 45 David

    Twice now I’ve watched movie characters stick stuff up their butts as if they were shoving popcorn into their mouths.

    This image is now indelibly engraved upon my psyche.

    Suppository, hell — how about those emergency room stories where people show up with Coke bottles and light bulbs up there? I guess the suppository is like a gateway drug for shoving any old household object up there for temporary storage.
    .-= David´s last blog ..Miscellany =-.

  46. 46 JD

    Canucklehead: Dang. I wish I’d had one of those tattoos back during my traumatic suppository experience — even tho I had to administer it myself and wouldn’t have even been able to see the tattoo.

    Yum Yucky: TALK! TALK! TALK! You know you want to share. You’ll feel soooo much better after you let it all out.

    flit: Ooof. I think I can work out what “disimpaction” means, unfortunately. Wow. You’re a stronger person than I. Which raises the question: Is it better to give or receive?

    Patricia (Huzzah!): OHMYGODNO! I remember goatse. But I still had to go to the site, because I couldn’t remember exactly what it was. I so wish I hadn’t gone there. Oh, goatse. But I love the warnings on the page. Uh . . . too late?

    Kathleen Kaufman: You have stolen my name, but if you let me join your band and play cowbell, I’ll let it slide.

    dcr: I think I’d rather see a vet than the Worm Guru.

    Sheila Sultani: HA! If I accomplish only one thing with this blog, I hope it will be to make people try to see if they can insert a suppository while standing, fully clothed. I can be satisfied with that contribution.

    Patricia (Huzzah!): HAR! I feel so sorry for animals who do this. They look so embarrassed but also like, “What else can I do? I don’t have hands!”

    Your Daily Cute: No, nothing. Hey, at least I didn’t use any of the extremely detailed illustrations I came across in Google Images after searching for “suppository.”

    David: I’m sorry. I hope this image doesn’t ruin your next tub of buttery popcorn. Now that you bring up Coke bottles, I wonder if THOSE can be inserted while standing up, fully clothed. Actually, that seems like it would be possible, on account of . . . oh, hell, why am I even talking about this???

  47. 47 Patricia (Huzzah!)

    Oh David, that’s how goatse got started, you know…

  48. 48 Kathy

    I’d like to offer that it’s not just the length of one’s arms that would determine one’s insertion success, but also the size of one’s butt. If I ever needed to “reach and shove” I would have bigger problems with the latter.

    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your anal-ysis and subsequent comments. You are the funniest person I know.
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Peanut Butter-Filled Pretzel Face =-.

  49. 49 Halomomma

    My fear of butt worms is WAY bigger than a stinkin (oops?) suppository. I have nightmares about those nasty things! It is totally possible though, not fully clothed, and slightly bent. The first step is getting over butt phobia! Didn’t Sex Casino cover that territory?

  50. 50 JD

    Patricia (Huzzah!): Brrrrr.

    Kathy: I take it you speak from experience? I do agree. I can almost see Ewan McGregor being able to do the “stand and shove” method because he’s pretty skinny. But not Jonah Hill. Or me.
    “Funniest person you know”? That’s high praise coming from my favorite celebrity blogger!

    Halomomma: NO! Perhaps if Sex Casino had included a Twister-like game that allowed players to play a fun suppository game in various positions, this post might never have been written!

  51. 51 Halomomma

    Please forgive me, I saw this and thought of this post…(from cakewrecks.com)

  52. 52 allisongsNYC

    Did you ever see Man vs. Wild? Bear Grylls gives himself an ENEMA with literally NO PROBLEMS on a makeshift raft in the middle of the ocean. Talk about TALENT!
    .-= allisongsNYC´s last blog ..Blogroll Top 11 – MANIC goes ROGUE =-.

  53. 53 JD

    Halomomma: AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! I love it! And now you know what to get me for my next birthday-slash-colonoscopy.

    allisongsNYC: EWWWWWWWWW! WHY? Was he standing up? I would imagine standing on a raft would be dangerous. BUT THEN SO WOULD GIVING YOURSELF AN ENEMA IN THE WILD!

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