Fetus on the driveway
I know, I know it’s serious
Marzipan baby courtesy of About.com
Look out, Windy. There’s a new freak show in town.
That’s right—it’s still alive.
After being run over, rained on, snowed on, and walked on.
It’s still alive, still orange, still lying in a fetal position on my driveway.
Of course I’m talking about the fetus.
Remember? In my last post I mentioned that I had seen a fetus-shaped orange blob in my driveway. Instead of taking a picture of it immediately, I hopped in my car to do the shopping, noting to myself to grab my camera when I returned.
Never do that! Because you will accidentally run over the fetus and you will NEVER have photographic evidence that it existed.
Or will you?
Apparently this was a remarkably resilient fetus.
Behold!
The fetus!
It survived! And that was Saturday. Since then, we’ve had rain and snow and possibly woodland creatures nosing about. The fetus remains the same. I tried kicking at it, but it’s immovable. That fetus is here to stay.
Or is it?
So many questions. Will the fetus—like Windy, the famous plastic bag mentioned above—live long enough to celebrate its one-year birthday?
- What is it made of?
- Is it edible?
- What’s its name?
- Why MY driveway?
- Is it some kind of sign?
Maybe these questions don’t really matter. Maybe all we need to know for now is that it’s alive.
And I think it just moved.
_________________
I picked out my T-shirt! Thank you to Grace for suggesting the always-classic Flashdance T-shirt.
And in honor of the very inspiring “Flashdance: What A Feeling,” I will now sing you out:
First, when there’s nothing but a small orange blob
On the driveway of life, all alone
On my blog I have cried, ‘cuz I smashed something small
In a world made of steel, made of stone
What a fetus!
Seein’s believin’
I can have it all, now the fetus is alive
Take the photo, and post the picture
Fetus love will spread till we’re dancin’ for our lives
Now I see the fetus, close my eyes, it is moving
In a flash it is at my back door
(What a fetus) what a fetus … [to fade]
50 Comments
That looks like foaming insulation that comes in an aerosol can. It would likely be immovable once cured.
Lola’s last blog post..Top 10 Things About Election Day (Yesterday)
Yay for the fetus picture!
And it moved? What if it /grew up/ there? like became a teenager and everything. Would it still be stuck there? Or does it have the power to magically move back to Mars, where it most likely came from?
I still think the fetuses are coming to take over Earth. And this is what it’ll look like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN8zAQbUB38&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ecracked%2Ecom%2Farticle%5F17093%5F10%2Dawesome%2Dads%2Dtraumatizing%2Dchildren%2Ehtml&feature=player_embedded
See how they come down with the music? All in one spinning circle? THAT’S HOW IT’S GONNA HAPPEN. YOU’LL SEE.
Can we name the fetus?
Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies
If it is some kind of sign that would be very creepy !
So it’s stuck on the pavement eh. Look a lot like barf to me on close up !
Otherwise, it could be a geological formation of tiny little yellow sediments building up in your driveway, since the house was built.
You know, I should stop watching animé so late in the night.
Jaffer’s last blog post..These guys will take you out to lunch
Hey, I love that album.
Fetus Strikes Again, Some Fetuses Are Bigger Than Others, Fetuses of the World Unite!
Kate Savage’s last blog post..
I am pretty sure that is Dog Vomit Slime Mold. And I swear I am not making that up!
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Hello, Ceiling Cat?
It looks like a little dinosaur in there. I’d be careful if I were you. Have you searched around to see if there are more hidden around your house? You could wake up in Jurassic Park one morning!
babs – beetle’s last blog post..Tea and Birds Nests
I’d be looking around for thing that dropped the fetus there.
Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..Speaking of Light Sabers and Vagina Wallets…
Excellent lyrics! That’s not easy to do (I know, I’ve done it!) Enjoyable and fairly grotesque post. (That’s a compliment)
GoingLikeSixty’s last blog post..I Didn’t Buy A Smart To Smash It Up; I’ll Get a PUMA For That
Hmmm, turn it sideways and those hole-like things look an awful lot like eye sockets, the little ‘bump’ low down in between them rather like a nose and…..”Grandma???”
Eeks, I’m sceeered!
So it won’t move, eh? Have you tried raising it up just slightly to take a gander underneath? I’m thinking that perhaps it’s still attached to Mom’s umbilical cord and, sorry to have to tell ya, but that driveway of yours just might be it’s Mamma (~~~> blahhh). On the otherhand, it does look a little…like…a letter….”J” so…..
“anything you’d care to tell us, “J”D?” (aka: Master Of Disguise)
Tara’s last blog post..Show Me The Money
well, after exhaustive research (five minutes of googling) i can make my educated guess that you have a dinosaur fetus. it appears to be wrapped in the remains of its yolk. this protein covering is why you are not able to move it. you know how egg yolks get after leaving them out to dry. like cement! since this fetus was most likely dropped on your driveway in a wet / moist state, i would venture to guess that a predator dropped it while returning to its lair with a tasty treat.
so, you now have two entirely different problems…dinosaurs living in your neighborhood and sloppy predators.
good luck to you
hugs,
puglette
;o)
Puglette’s last blog post..Remember Me?
I’m not sure which thing creeped me out more: the marzipan baby or the fetus on your driveway. It looks like this thing we saw washed up on shore in South Carolina years ago. We were told later it was probably an internal organ of some sea creature — that or an alien life form watching and waiting to pounce. Did you see “Alien”? I’d watch your step out on the driveway. If you experience severe abdominal pain, head for the exit quickly.
MomZombie’s last blog post..The one about Montana
OMG!!! That’s EXACTLY what things looked like the last time I attempted to make pancakes!! And that song!! I’m going to be thinking about it all day!
The word fetus is so weird to me now. Cause I’ve been repeating it over and over…
Fetus. Fetus. Fetus. Fetus. Fetus. Fetus. Fetus. Fetus.
It sounds so weird…
Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies
If you turn it counter-clockwise it looks like the Phantom of the Opera mask. Or a fetus. It’s such a hard choice.
I want you to know I have been singing the fetus song since reading this post (had to break for Windy’s party). I don’t know whether to thank you or give you the stink eye.
Regan? Stop saying fetus.
Kathy’s last blog post..Windy’s Not a Baby Anymore
Lola: I’ll buy that. But why, WHY did it come out in the shape of a fetus? Hmmm? Not everything has an easy answer, does it.
Jaffer: No, no . . . I think you may be on the right track. Creepy barf sediment . . . yes, you’re definitely on to something here.
Kate Savage: Awesome! “Fetus, fetus I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.” Ew. Never mind.
Daisy the Curly Cat: I believe you! But why can’t I budge it? Does this Dog Vomit Slime Mold have some kind of backing that sticks to pavement?
Regan: Fetus From MARS! Yes, I can see it. If this is the start of an invasion (complete with Japanese music), I’m hiding in my basement, sleeping bag or not. (I thought there was going to be one of those weird pink fetus dolls in the pasta in that video!)
babs – beetle: Oh, god. Please, no. I’m afraid of dinosaurs. Unless they stay tiny, like this fetal dinosaur. Then maybe I could handle it.
Prefers Her Fantasy Life: Yikes. Hadn’t thought of that. Maybe it goes around at night, popping out orange fetus blobs. But I don’t think it’s growing . . . yet.
GoingLikeSixty: Thank you! It practically wrote itself. Consider this my formal request for the Flashdance T-shirt, and thank you again!
Tara: AHAHAHAHA! “Grandma.” Funny. Now I’m skeered. And I was gonna go out and poke it with a stick, but now I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. Especially if it IS somehow connected to my alien driveway. I swear: I know NOTHING of this thing’s origins, despite any resemblance to my “J”!
Puglette: Wow, I really appreciate your thorough research. Now I don’t see how it could be anything BUT a dinosaur fetus, what with the explanation about the yolk and the protein and the predator. Poor fetus. I wonder if it was going to be a triceratops?
MomZombie: I keep looking outside, anxiously. I really am afraid it’s going to move. Since I live in the Midwest, it’s unlikely it’s any part of a sea creature, therefore it’s got to be dinosaur or alien. (gingerly pokes stomach)
Mama Needs a Cosmo: The song is fairly catchy, especially “What a FETUS”! (jazz hands) Remind me never to come over for pancakes.
Regan: It is a weird word. Better that you’re repeating that than “fondle.”
Kathy: You can thank me WHILE giving me the stink-eye. That’s the beautiful thing about the fetus on the driveway.
I think it is a sign. I’m not sure of what but it can’t be good when you can run it over and it still lives. I don’t think this is a good thing that needs a cake like Windy. Windy seems harmless, unless of course she comes from some alien world and has been on a reconnaissance mission. God knows we can’t make a bag that lasts for a year, let alone stay lodged in a tree.
Wear garlic to bed and make sure you have a silver stake in case it comes to get you.
Jen’s last blog post..I’ve Decided To Have Another Baby
Too lazy to read all the other comments, so pardon my possible redundant statements.
It looks like a fossilized lizard, latched onto a tree limb. I can definitely see a tail. (0_0)!
With that said, you should run over it a few times, and try to destroy it using your flat throat.
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Random Tuesday: MyBLAH.
Alright! What hell is that thing? That is kinda freaky seeing something like that in your drive way. Let us know what you find out.
Excellent alternate song lyrics, as usual! The thought of the fetus moving while my eyes were closed could probably give me nightmares, but that isn’t nearly as disturbing as the marzipan baby. That just looks deeply, seriously WRONG.
You should post a photo wearing the Flashdance t-shirt. It’s awesome!
absepa’s last blog post..I May Owe Someone An Apology
Looks rather like hairball tempura to me but I am a weird goat….
Pricilla’s last blog post..It’s All About the Kid!
I’m with Lola on this one.
/met her in a bar down in New Orleans …
Canucklehead’s last blog post..Ciao Chow!
Yea! I think that is the perfect t-shirt for you. Also, the marzipan baby – that is just so wrong in every way. And the fetus in your driveway, since I have no imagination what so ever, I would have just scraped it up and tossed it out. Thank goodness for you folks with your wonderfully weird ability to look at the world.
Grace’s last blog post..Conversations at the gym
Holy shit! I came to your blog from Babs blog when I read the title of the post! Haven’t come across someone so clever in a long time! And where did you get that marzipan baby?
maryt/theteach’s last blog post..Ya got a good macaroni and cheese recipe?
It looks like hack–like someone or something hacked up something out there. Ick.
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http://lolasdiner.blogspot.com/2009/04/zombie-chicken-award.html
Lola’s last blog post..Zombie Chicken Award
hmmm… if it’s moving, I think we need video
oh! oh! oh! I know… it’s got to be a present from the ducklings! To remember them by!
Ah, JD! I fully expect — no, demand — that either Kathy or you starts a poll in a few months:
“Which is your favorite? Window or that nasty orange fetus?”
I’ll look for it. Y’all don’t let me down, you hear?
The Hawg!’s last blog post..
I’m serious. A poll, JD! Your readers are clamoring for a poll!
The Hawg!’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday — Welcome to Benton, Ark.
I did think it might be some kind of fungus, but if you kicked at it and it didn’t move … yep, I think Lola is probably right. Insulation foam!
Now, why a fetus? It’s your drive, so I suggest that you look inside your own head for the answer to that one. It’s probably like dream images, they mean different things to different people. Now, if it were my driveway, I’d say it was time to move before the foetus became a reality. LOL!
Jen: I agree that this thing is probably on the side of evil. How can it not be? If Windy had evil intentions, we’d probably know about them by now—unless she was just waiting for her birthday cake.
C.B. Jones: I’ve tried coming up with ways to use my flat throat on this, but I just can’t figure it out. And I’m afraid to kill it. What if it has a message for humanity?
Lisa Lisa: I may never find out for sure. But I’ll certainly let you know if it moves or gets any bigger.
absepa: I’ll definitely post a picture of the Flashdance shirt! Posing next to the orange fetus! I just hope I don’t wake up to find an army of marzipan babies out there, hailing the orange fetus as their leader.
Pricilla: You are a weird goat, but that’s why I love you. My cats know all about hairball tempura.
Canucklehead: C-O-L-A COLA!
Grace: It just really looks so out of place, I couldn’t help noticing it and wondering . . . I’d better make my daily trip outside and check on it . . . see if it’s hungry.
maryt/theteach: Cool! Thank you and WELCOME! Those marzipan babies made quite a stir a while back. Just Google and you’ll learn the whole story.
Lin: Hardened hack, actually. Can that happen? I would think it’d sort of dissipate in the rain.
Lola: Thank you! Zombie Chicken awardee right here, folks!
flit: Today looks like it’s going to be a nice day, so maybe I’ll take the cats out and get a video while I’m at it. Oh! Oh! Do you think? But why an orange fetus?
The Hawg!: HA! I think I know the answer already, but I’ll discuss it with Kathy. Great idea—yes! A poll! I love polls, too. And I actually started this post with the idea to compare Fetus to Windy and see if Fetus could outlast Windy. There’s definitely a relationship there.
Jay: I’m beginning to think insulation foam is the answer, especially since our next-door neighbors recently finished major construction on their house. But I want it to be some kind of alien material! I’ll have to do some meditating on what this fetus means to me, for sure.
hi JD,
I have to agree with you that there certainly is a new “freak show” in town! ~ Steve, the trade show guru
PS. It is weird looking, and I hope it isn’t just insulation foam but instead is some alien being – how fun! Have you left any food out for it. Or any offerings?
Trade Show Guru’s last blog post..Trade Show Zombies, Spammers, and Tadpoles
it’s Easter weekend silly – all the eggs are purdy colours…. so the ducklings wanted your fetus to be purdy too
That is quite an errie picture up at the top. You never think about how tiny it is until you see it in the palm of your hand.
I, for one, am very happy to have you find fetuses on your driveway, so I don’t have to. Thanks~
Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..This is the Lord’s doing. It is marvellous in our eyes.
LOL, I just “had” to come back here and take another look at that, that….that “thing!” Yuk, it’s really rather gross, isn’t it? Maybe someone left their Egg McMuffin there sometime ago and it shriveled up and became something of it’s own. However, I never thought that Mickey D’s was even in existence back in the stone age days so how this could have come out as the result of a cavemans breakfast, hmmm, I’ll never know.
Tara’s last blog post..Der’s Gold In Dem’ Der Nostrils
OMG – you’re killing me “what a fetus”.
And all I can think is that’s it’s calcified cat poo.
Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..Why I Will Never Own a Pink Cadillac
Windy just turned one so if your fetus can last that long thn props to that fetus
There’s nothing there. You’re all stuck in the Matrix. The proof is that you all see something there where there is nothing but pavement. Look at the photo again. Do you see something other than pavement? You’re still stuck in the Matrix then.
dcr’s last blog post..Would You Like More Money Than You Can Shake a Stick at?
I guess it looks a little fetus-like. But, um, not.
I LOVE that song from flashdance (and sing it quite well), but I think I’ll stick with the original lyrics, though I’ll salute you for an excellent substitution effort.
Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..For Anonymous: Cyber Cold Shoulder
Trade Show Guru: I’m hoping it’s something alien or dinosaur . . . anything but practical insulation foam. Hmmm. An offering, you say? That might be a good idea. I think I still have some cereal marshmallows . . .
flit: Aw! It is purdy. Seriously, the color reminds me of those orange Circus Peanuts. Mmm . . . Circus Peanuts.
Cathouse Teri: You’re welcome! I’m happy to do it. Not that I volunteered, exactly. But now that the fetus is here, I’m obligated to take care of it.
Bill: No, it’s true. Until you hold a baby in your hand, you just don’t know.
Tara: Interesting theory. Well, do we have proof that cavemen didn’t make their own egg mcmuffin? That might explain a lot. They could’ve used pterodactyl eggs and slices of bison sandwiched between 2 pieces of . . . dang, I’m out.
Margaret (Nanny Goats): Sing it with me! Ew! Cat poo? How disappointing. You may be right, but . . . what was that cat eating???
brooke: I promise here and now, if that fetus remains intact on my driveway for one year, I will eat it. On video.
dcr: If the Matrix I’m stuck in is like the movie Matrix, I’m happy to be stuck. I don’t want to live in a world of scary machines and tubes and pods. I see the fetus! (But I’ll still take that blue pill, if you don’t mind.)
Stephanie Barr: Thank you! Feel free to substitute “fetus,” tho, if you feel like it. It is a great song. The beauty of the fetus is that everyone sees what they want. Cat poo? Dinosaur vomit? Insulation foam? The fetus is all that and more.
JD, you may not want to make too many promises about eating the fetus in a year if it remains…at least if it really is insulation foam. The half-arsed people who built our house sprayed a super-extra-large wad of that stuff around our dryer vent, and it hasn’t budged an inch in six years, even when the tornado blew through in 2004. It ain’t going anywhere.
absepa’s last blog post..Mid-week Blues
That fetus is freaking me out. I’m having the same feeling I had when someone made me watch Eraser Head (if you haven’t seen it, for the love of God… RUN AWAY!!!!) I’m feeling that that bad vacation in mexico….
Trout Fly Tying’s last blog post..The Pheasant Tail Nymph
For the last couple days I’ve been singing “What a Feeling” in my head. I could not for the life of me remember how it got stuck there.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Kathy’s last blog post..Windy’s Birthday Party
And it still has its tail, so that means it’s a very young fetus.
Musing’s last blog post..What brings out the kid in you?
absepa: Wow. Well, hmmm. I just went out and nudged it, and it did give a little. Perhaps I’ll have to “help it along” to ensure it doesn’t stay on my driveway for a whole year.
Trout Fly Tying: I HAVE seen Eraserhead and the subsequent trauma is probably why I’m blogging about fetuses.
Kathy: But are you singing it with the fetus lyrics? Otherwise, no need to thank me.
Musing: Right! ‘Cuz fetuses start out with tails, don’t they?
that’ll be the last time i get on something that says Pony Express to JD’s blog.
dusting myself off.
uh now WTH. the fetus won’t move? i’m a little grossed out, but you just wait until that thing becomes a teenager, it will be trying to get an apartment (or another driveway) at 13.
treasure the moments…until then.
Natural’s last blog post..My Two Left Feet
Natural: I hope I’m long gone by the time that thing is a teenager. Unless it is some kind of mutant alien and it grows up in a few months instead of years. It can live in my basement, I guess.
I hope it doesn’t get up and eat you in the night. Keep the doors and windows locked!
Wendy´s last blog ..Face Your Fears