I Smell Like a Power Surge

And all the pain
Only after the rain
Can you live again

Have you tried buying unscented deodorant lately?

Such a product has become increasingly hard to find, as the makers of personal hygiene products seem to think we all need to smell like scented carpet cleaners.

Man, I would rather smell like my own sweat — YES! Even that really bad sweat that smells like Spaghetti-O’s! — than some of these awful, powdery, flowery deodorants.

I like lightly scented soaps and body wash, but they just haven’t made a smelly deodorant that smells good. If I had to wear a smelly deodorant, it would share the same qualities as my favorite air fresheners and boast an aroma of  “Seabreeze” or “Fresh Linen” or “After the Rain.” But time and time again, I’m fooled into thinking I’ll smell like freshly laundered towels left outside during a summer rainstorm, only to end up stinking like old lady talcum powder.

My recent triumph over finally finding an unscented roll-on was short-lived. After describing my deodorant woes to Dave, he responded, “Yeah, I noticed when we were out last weekend you had these big white smudges under your arms.”

. . .

I glared at him for one second before running into the bathroom to perform a test.

Nooooooooo!!! Unsightly white underarm circles of horror!!!

So much for unscented.

I headed to the store to find the least obnoxious flavor of deodorant that WOULDN’T turn my underarm region into The White Pits of Dover. According to my research, women can choose from four basic smells: Powder, Clean, Flower, and WTF.

The “Powder” group:

  • Powder Burst
  • Powder Fresh
  • Powder Romance
  • Sheer Powder
  • Smooth Powder
  • Tropical Powder

The “Clean,” “Pure,” or “Fresh” group:

  • Completely Clean
  • Fresh Fusion
  • Daringly Fresh
  • Morning Clean
  • Pure Clean
  • Pure Rain
  • Shower Clean
  • Shower Fresh
  • Totally Fresh
  • Wildflower Fresh

The “Flower” group

  • Delicate Bloom
  • Diva la Daisy
  • Honeysuckle
  • Refreshingly Floral
  • Sweet Pea and Viola
  • Truth or Pear (???)
  • Va-Va Vanilla
  • Wild Cherry Blossom
  • Wild Freesia

The “Maddeningly Vague” group:

  • Classic Romance
  • Green Euphoria
  • Just Dance
  • Regular
  • Satiny Tropical
  • Sexy Intrigue
  • Tropical Paradise

If you’re a man, you can smell like anything that makes you think of an erection:

  • Cool Peak
  • Extreme Blast
  • Fresh Blast
  • Game Day
  • Matterhorn
  • Pacific Surge
  • Power Play
  • Power Rush

So basically women are supposed to smell like powder and men are supposed to smell like power. I am just not down with that. I want to smell like an erection! I bought Pacific Surge, because it contained both an ocean reference and the promise of some sort of  . . . well, surge. I could use a surge. Maybe not in my armpits, but who am I to be picky?

I’ll let you know how it works out. And PLEASE! Tell me if you’ve found an unscented no-residue deodorant. I’ll send you my partially used Power Surge as a token of my gratitude.

___________________

Soggy flowers came from here

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73 Comments


73 Responses to “I Smell Like a Power Surge”

  1. 1 Carole

    I feel your pain. What I find most annoying is that I purchase and wear perfume and body sprays to smell nice. I wear deodorant to prevent sweat and BO. I do not want my deodorant TO BE COMPETING WITH MY PERFUME!!! It’s like each day is a match up, “And today in this corner is Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy going up against Secret’s Green Euphoria!” WTF?? ARGH!!
    .-= Carole´s last blog ..1855 House Renovation by Rebecca =-.

  2. 2 Jaffer

    I use arm & hammer for the underarms but it leaves marks on hot days !

    You know I find this gender segregation of perfumes especially in the west.
    I used to go out smelling like sandalwood back in the day and nobody said a thing.

    And gosh we Indians love sandalwood so much – I actually have my soaps imported – yep ! http://www.mysoresandal.co.in/

  3. 3 Kelly

    Tom’s of Maine makes unscented deodorants. I never noticed that they ever left the white marks of shame on my clothing. These days I use the Woodspice scent because I really like the way it smells. I think it’s meant for men, though. Not that I care. It works. No white marks of shame. Smells nice.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..The Right Moment =-.

  4. 4 Carolyn

    Try Mitchum. I’ve been using it for years and I don’t ruin white shirts with yellow stains any more. You can get it in unscented. I buy the men’s…..

  5. 5 Daisy's "mom"

    The thing about those clear gel types of deodorant that are not supposed to leave white marks is that they never seem to dry and stay sticky. Sticky pits are not good.

    Still, women are lucky. There is nothing (well, almost nothing) more disgusting than a man with white clumps of deodorant stuck to his underarm hair.
    .-= Daisy’s “mom” ´s last blog ..Circus Cat Attire- =-.

  6. 6 puglette

    i have no advice for you, i don’t use deodorant. it’s a weird family thing, i lost all of my pit and leg hair many years ago and have never had stinky pits. not to say i am fresh and stinky free, i do have my odor issues (literally) too.

    i do love some of the ambiguous names of these fragrances. my favorite is “daringly fresh”. i dare you to be fresh smelling!! i dare you to take a shower and smell clean!!

    and “powder romance” is silly too. is it refering to my romantic adventures with powder? that’s personal and private, thank you very much!

    but “diva la daisy” sounds like something that would make me smart and sassy, like our favorite curly cat. i like that one best.
    hugs,
    puglette
    :)
    .-= puglette´s last blog ..Prayers for Einstein =-.

  7. 7 Stephanie Barr

    I can’t use antiperspirant because I react to whatever stops the sweat from forming, so it’s strictly deodorants for me. Unfortunately, that also leaves me with men stuff.

    I use and have used Mennon Speed Stick for years, “fresh scent” – not sure how that equates with an erection, but I’m sure there’s a connection. Though, truthfully, I’ve been erection free for years (unless you count my husband, who uses Axe).

    If, however, you want a deodorant that won’t ever leave a mark, you can always try the crystal salt deodorants like this one:

    http://www.thecrystal.com/
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..RS Classic- Setback for a Science Geek =-.

  8. 8 David

    I am disappointed that in years of pursuing sweat-scentlessness, I have never smelled like an erection. Then again, I am not in an ideal position to know what an erection smells like. I may have to become more adventurous, or take up advanced yoga, in order to find out.
    .-= David´s last blog ..I”m Not Rude I’m Merely Crazed =-.

  9. 9 Sheila Sultani

    What I want to know is why companies make food that smells like BO. You’ve got your spaghetti-o stink. There is the one that smells like Chicken Noodle Soup (a girl in my 2nd grade class reeked of this, I’ve never been able to eat any kind of Campbells Chicken noodle soups) and then there is the Beefy Taco BO (That ones my husband after a hot summer day spent working on his car)

    So, WHY, WHY? I’m sure these companies know that there food smells like nasty old body odor.

    You could always shoot pig fat shot into your pits, supposed to stop you from sweating. (botox)
    .-= Sheila Sultani´s last blog ..Wanna Trap A Man =-.

  10. 10 Jen

    I’ve been on the quest for a decent deodorant for decades now. Each time I find one I like they discontinue it or IMPROVE it, which is the kiss of death usually. I think I am using Dove in a powder scent because it is the least offensive. I rarely go out so I don’t worry about stains, I just don’t want to smell like speghettio’s
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..It’s Sorta Like The French Lieutenant’s Woman =-.

  11. 11 dcr

    There are those crystal deodorants that somewhat vaguely work. They don’t leave a white residue. There’s also a spray bottle version available. It works, but runs down your side like water, because it’s pretty much crystal deodorants dissolved in water. But, once it’s dry, it doesn’t leave a white residue. You just have to stand there a couple minutes while you wait for it to dry.

    Besides isn’t the “Pure Rain” you found close enough to the “After the Rain” that you wanted?
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..I Got Nothing =-.

  12. 12 Kathy

    So funny! I love this: “I want to smell like an erection!” There’s a deodorant tagline if ever there was one.

    Hubs and I both use my Secret “Powder Fresh” deodorant. I remember the first time he asked if he could borrow mine. He asked it as though he were requesting use of a tampon. Like “This won’t turn me into a woman, will it?”

    Oh, and Sheila, thanks for reminding me of chicken noodle soup B.O. Bleh.
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Behind Closed Doors =-.

  13. 13 v

    well good luck with smelling like an erection, just stay away from me because you might get humped. i’m just saying.

    i use solid deodorant and i smell like powder.

    you’re funny, jd. loved the white circle. haha.

  14. 14 babs - beetle

    I use ‘Un-perfumed’ deodorant, or deodorant with no alcohol. If I don’t I get a rash (damned allergies). Either way, they don’t seem to smell of much except me. No, not an erection, because well, that isn’t me is it? I haven’t had the white powder patch in many years. I thought that was a thing of the past with deodorants.

    I can’t help you though, because firstly my deodorants are most likely British, and secondly I don’t take any notice of the brand or supposed smell. All I look for is no alcohol or no perfume. They are few and far between so I grab what I can when I can.
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Lunch at Buckingham Palace – update =-.

  15. 15 Surfie

    I know how you feel. The only deodorant smell I truly like is Secret’s Powder Fresh, but only in the original solid form. The supposedly same scent in any of the other forms (“invisible solid” for example) smells completely different. And I hate how they make them now with renewing scent. So whenever I get hot and the possibility of sweat and/or smell comes on, my deodorant starts kicking out another round of weird-smelling flowery crap. Like you, I often think I’d prefer the smell of the sweat.

    I think I’m going to start wearing my husband’s deodorant and see what that does for me. At his stuff just smells like a lighter version of men’s cologne!
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..PhotoHunt- Purple =-.

  16. 16 Barb

    “I want to smell like an erection!”

    Now there’s a sentence I never expect to say, nor did I ever expect to read! bwahahahaha!

    Should we ever meet in person, say on a Blogging Cruise, let me apologize in advance, as I’ve been using virtually the same deodorant since I was a teenager. Secret Powder or Secret Shower Fresh. I know some people don’t like scents at all, but I am definitely a sensory person and love to switch body sprays and perfumes.

    And candles. I puffy heart candles. Especially Yankee Candle Sage and Citrus, my all-time favorite. Of course having 4 cats makes burning candles quite challenging but I have a handy dandy cover for the jar to keep tail furs and wick flames completely separate!
    .-= Barb´s last blog ..Im so excited I cant stand it =-.

  17. 17 Corrina

    Because I sweat like a wild pig, I need heavy duty action in my pit managers. I have used virtually every brand of antiperspirant/deodorant there is and Degree worked well. They used to have an unscented, but I’m not sure if they still do.

    I do enjoy a “Shower Fresh”, but some of them smell like baby powder so sniff it first. The other day, Boyfriend was at the store and called to see if I needed anything. I needed deodorant. I tried to explain what I wanted and, God bless him, he stood there, on the phone with me, sniffing deodorants. He liked the Secret brand in “Coco butter kiss” (I’m not making that up) and decided I had to have that one. So that’s what my under arms smell like. It’s interesting.
    .-= Corrina´s last blog ..I Am- Clearly- Gifted =-.

  18. 18 Grace

    Mitchum, as someone else suggested. I have been using it for decades and now my husband uses (no, we don’t share the same one) it because I couldn’t stand the smelly stuff he used. it is a gel and it is unscented. I hate scented products – the only thing I want to smell like is “Obsession”.
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Sunday Serenade =-.

  19. 19 JD

    Carole: THANK YOU! I like to smell like my soap or lotion. I don’t want powdery grossness to interfere with a nice clean scent. Unless they can someday figure out how to make deodorant smell pleasant and innocuous. Until then: UNSCENTED PLEASE!

    Jaffer: Damn, I wish I were an Indian! I love sandalwood too. Wow, I see that site offers sandalwood soap, incense, and detergent. I may have to do a little shopping.

    Kelly: Mmm. Now Woodspice sounds nice, like sandalwood. I would probably like that more than Power Surge. I’m not against a smelly deodorant as long as it smells GOOD.

    Carolyn: Funny, since I wrote this post I’ve seen unscented deodorants all over the place, including Mitchum. Thanks for the tip!

    Daisy’s “mom”: EWWW! I agree. Men, are you paying attention? Please use the clear gel. The erection smell is secondary.

    puglette: Interesting. So what you’re telling me is you’re a freak of nature. I’m jealous! Yes, I loved these names, even the seemingly innocuous “Regular.” Wow. Could that be more boring? I think Daisy should come out with her own curly deodorant. I imagine it would smell like chicken livers.

    Stephanie Barr: Wow. They say they’re stick lasts up to a year! Sounds like a good deal. Are you sure you’re using a men’s deodorant? “Fresh Scent” sounds very girlie. It’s no wonder you’ve been erection free.

    David: Yes, see, that’s the whole thing. Most men don’t know what an erection smells like, they just know they WANT to smell like one. Please let us know the results of your yoga and/or other pursuits.

    Sheila Sultani: OHHHHHHH GOD! The dreaded Chicken Noodle Soup BO! YES! I remember a kid in my 3d grade class. His name was Chris and he had red hair and ohsogross why? And it was definitely Campbell’s, too. Maybe Campbell’s can work out a tie-in with Degree or Dry Idea.

    Jen: No, Spaghettio’s is not the best scent, but seriously it makes me gag less than powdery junk. I hear you about favorite products being discontinued or “improved.” My husband’s favorite Pop Tarts have apparently been discontinued, and it’s pretty much all I’ve been hearing about.

    dcr: Yeah, someone above provided a nice little link. But you say they only vaguely work? I’m not averse to standing and waiting for my runny crystal deodorant to finish drying, I guess. And, no, I didn’t try the Pure Rain. I’ve been burned too many times. I just know it smells like Pure Powder.

    Kathy: Erections are funny. Those men’s deodorant names are so blatant, they may as well just incorporate a graphic of an erection on the label. So DID Secret Powder Fresh turn Dave into a woman? Because Power Surge has definitely made me feel a little more masculine.

    v: Do You LIKE powder? Or have you just given in? I’m sure you smell lovely, and so I wouldn’t mind at all if you humped me a little.

    babs – beetle: I thought the white patch had been eradicated too. I was shocked to learn I had been sporting one under each arm. Maybe I got a super-old bottle or something. At least I didn’t get it all over my clothes (tho the arm of the couch had a mysterious white powdery substance all over it.)

    Surfie: Yeah, I think all us women should revolt and start wearing men’s deodorant. At least we won’t smell like flowers. I mean, flowers on their own smell nice. But the smell of flowers duplicated in a deodorant smells awful. Give me Spaghettio’s any day.

    Barb: Well, you know I didn’t mean LITERALLY an erection but more what an erection represents, which, according to deodorant makes seems to be powerful surges of peaks and bursts. I love candles and incense and nice soaps and even perfume sometimes. I just don’t think these deodorant makers are getting the scent thing quite right.

    Corrina: I think Degree is what I used to use. And it was either unscented or very mildly scented. Now I can’t find it. Thumbs down to baby powder. I don’t think I’d mind Coco Butter Kiss as long as it really did smell like coconuts and NOT like terrible ersatz powdery coconut milk.

    Grace: Yeah, I was saying above that I did actually see Mitchum Unscented today. But I feel like I should use up my Power Surge first. Mmm. I used to wear Obsession. I’d probably still like it, but my trademark scent is Halston.

  20. 20 Janiss

    Yay! I see a couple of other people have mentioned Mitchum Men’s unscented gel – that’s what I use too. But since antiperspirants aren’t really supposed to be that great for you (I forget what they’re supposed to cause, but it isn’t good), I also use Trader Joe’s or Toms of Maine’s unscented deodorant stick – the deodorant when I’m working out, but know I will be showering right afterwards, and the antiperspirant for the rest of the day.

    BTW, I don’t get the whole scented antiperspirant deal either – in fact, I prefer unscented everything (although I do love scented soap – I just use it as decoration and because it makes the bathroom smell nice). If I want to smell like something, I will put on the perfume of my choice. And if I’m putting on perfume, I do not want to deal with it clashing with some cheap scent out of a deodorant stick.

  21. 21 Tracy

    I have on more than one occasion run out of my own deodorant*and used my husband’s after talking myself into believing hey, it’s under my arms, nobody is going to know I smell like Extreme Arctic Snakebite.

    Only forgetting that my underarms are warm and function much like those scent diffusers and every time I lifted my arms I caused confusion and consternation to those around me.

    *remind me to post one day the various creative and mindboggling ways my children have found to ruin a perfectly good stick of deodorant.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Saturday Night Link Up =-.

  22. 22 injaynesworld

    Doesn’t matter what deodorant I use. At the end of the day I still smell like a horse. “Eau de Alfalfa” I think it’s called. Quite earthy.

    Very fun post. I do enjoy the places your mind takes you and, of course, that since you’ve gone there, I don’t have to! ;)
    .-= injaynesworld´s last blog ..injaynesworld its the Sunday Recap =-.

  23. 23 kathryn

    LOVED this!

    What I REALLY don’t get is this:
    Are these ppl aware that “unscented” means it has NO scent whatsoever? I. Don’t. Think. So.

    I believe we should round up all the antiperspirant executives into a room (preferably with no windows), make the room be….like, 30 degrees and give them all their artfully-named product to wear that “leaves no residue”. We’ll then offer them black cashmere sweaters and watch them twist into pretzels to try and keep the sweater from looking like a skunk. They then must embrace in a circle for 60 minutes, without gagging or passing out.

    Whoever wins, gets the garment. Easy-peasy…right?
    .-= kathryn´s last blog ..Implied =-.

  24. 24 Ron

    Ok, you’re gonna die, but I use the same deodorant that Kathy uses….Secret Powder Fresh. I’ve tried a million deodorants, but Secret works the best for me. I figured, if it’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman….than I can use it.

    And the great part is that it doesn’t leave a white residue on my shirts.

    I’ve also tried the crystal deodorants, but they only work for me during the colder months. I need something stronger for warmer weather.

    “because it contained both an ocean reference and the promise of some sort of . . . well, surge. I could use a surge. Maybe not in my armpits, but who am I to be picky?”

    Bwhahahahahahah….OMG, you KILL ME, WOMAN!

    Hope you had a COOL weekend!

    X
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Looking at the Positive Side of Summer =-.

  25. 25 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    I’m all over the map, but I’m currently using Tom’s of Maine. I think. I don’t even know! It’s kind of clearish and I believe it’s unscented, or maybe it’s Eau de Used Bookstore, I can’t remember off-hand.

    Spaghetti-O’s????? Ewww!!!!
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..What Fearmongers Don’t Want You to Know =-.

  26. 26 Patricia (Who is a true beauty)

    I swear I was going to mention the Campell’s Chicken Noodle Soup B.O.! What does Campbell’s do, force adolescents to turn a grist wheel until they reek of and put their delicious, delicious sweat lovingly into each can of Campbell’s ‘Mmm. Mmm. Good’ Chicken Noodle Soup?? I had a friend in my teenagers years that had to wear *prescription strength* as in, from behind the counter with a slip from a doctor pit sauce.

    Oh, Barb, if I could go around smelling like the cupcake candle from Yankee Candle everytime I sweat–I’d be so happy…instead I’m a beef-a-roni candle when I sweat, a scent that didn’t pass muster to at focus groups.

    Ah, in Jaynesworld, there is nothing, nothing like the smell of a stable in the morning. That’s the first step to knowing you have an expensive disease to treat, horse-itis. And the smell of leather and Murphy’s oil soap and hay and fresh bedding…the trouble is, you stop noticing the smell until you offer someone a ride and they roll down the windows and stick their head out and you can’t, for the very life of you, figure out the problem. Double points if there’s ‘eau de Jack Russels’ or ‘eau de wet Corgis.’

    I wear Dove refreshingly fresh, as opposed to unfreshingly fresh, which is both baby powder AND flower group. My husband hates this because it reminds him of babies, and it’s hard to get a er…power surge or a Matterhorn (WTF? Disney, why didn’t you fight this until the company screamed mercy like everything else?! I am pretty sure they own the ACTUAL Matterhorn as well as the ride) when his partner smells like baby powder. Who thinks ‘Ooo sweetcheeks, you smell like baby buttocks, want to go to bed early tonight?’ So I wear perfume as well. Plus, Dove has that ‘Us Regular Chicks are Purdy, Too’ campaign, of which I wholeheartedly approve.

    Maybe you need a ‘smell of cat barf/hashbrowns’ deodorant just for you, J.D.

  27. 27 Kathy

    Good grief! I just got back from the ladies room, where I noticed I had a one inch thick band of white deodorant on my BLACK SHIRT. I hadn’t noticed when I left the house! And I’m just about to walk into a classroom and give a presentation to 75 students, who I’m sure would have noticed the second I turned around. Oy! What a lucky save.
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Behind Closed Doors =-.

  28. 28 Pricilla

    Secret makes an unscented. Unless I bought so many in bulk at Costco that I am still using a supply from 2001….

    Nice of Dave to tell you AFTER the fact.
    Gotta love me.
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..I am a Bit Embarrassed =-.

  29. 29 Jen @ lifelove'n'wine

    I use Dove unscented. I haven’t noticed any white marks and I think I would have because that is a big thing for me when deciding on whether I like a deodorant !
    .-= Jen @ lifelove’n'wine´s last blog ..Dad =-.

  30. 30 cardiogirl

    Oy, I hate picking deoderant. I usually use men’s deoderant and what I’ve been using lately is Old Spice Sport. They don’t give any description except to call it Sport.

    It smells sort of laundry-cleaned towels to me. But it’s a white solid that “goes on clear.” I don’t know about that claim. But I can’t handle the clear gel that takes. For. Ev. Er. To dry.

    Ugh. Good luck.
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..I wish the Cleaning Fairy was real =-.

  31. 31 Linda

    I don’t like strong scents in soaps, perfumes, lotions. Deodorants don’t have to be unscented, just not sickening or too powdery. I don’t want to feel like I just inhaled talcum powder. I had a favorite, but they screwed that up. Improved does NOT mean better. It was Ban Ocean Breeze in a solid. I would have had soap and lotion scented like that. It smelled that good to me. The rest…eh, I just pick the least offensive scent and go on. Hubs doesn’t like the highly scented ones either, so I get him unscented when I can find it. He uses Arm & Hammer.

  32. 32 Heather

    I use Burt’s Bees Herbal Deodorant: smells herbal, not flowery; doesn’t prevent your body from cooling itself as it should (sweating); and you can even recycle the can. Wegman’s carries it. http://www.burtsbees.com/natural-products/outdoor-protection/herbal-deodorant.html It even works on really hot days. You still get sweaty, but even at the end of the day, you’re not stinky.

  33. 33 Kathleen Kaufman

    I currently have ‘Aloe and Cucumber’ deodorant on – I’m not sure what a cucumber smells like, but according to my deodorant, it’s a little mowed lawn.

    All in all, I’m satisfied.

    Have you tried the salt block deodorant? It may be a product of hippie mountain towns, but the idea was that you get the salt crystal rock a little wet and then you rub it in your pits….the salt was supposed to do something sciency to make you smell fresh and outdoorsy.

    I had mixed results…for one thing, the wet salt rock was slippery, and applying to your skin was just uncomfortable…I suppose it succeeded in making me smell outdoorsy though, just not in a good way…..
    .-= Kathleen Kaufman´s last blog ..Arizona- Land of Horrors =-.

  34. 34 Lorisay

    Previously I used Dry Idea Unscented Gel, but it’s pretty much unavailable anywhere… Now, I use Dove’s Invisible Solid for Sensitive Skin – it’s the only unscented I can find at Wally World and it doesn’t leave marks!
    .-= Lorisay´s last blog ..Lorisay- and great buckets of rain falling- =-.

  35. 35 mo

    I don’t use deodorant. And it wouldn’t be a big deal if everyone just stopped using it too. Down with deodorant, up with natural smells!
    .-= mo´s last blog ..7-15 The Taxpayers- =-.

  36. 36 Becky

    Re: clumps of deodorant in men’s armpits … I’ve never understood why men don’t shave their pits, or at least trim. It’s just cleaner!
    .-= Becky´s last blog ..A Princely Catastrophe =-.

  37. 37 Patricia (Who is a true beauty)

    I gotta agree, mo, we’ve spent 99.999999999999999999999% of human existence without any deodorant and we’re still truckin’.

    Whenever I see a portrait of a big lovely dance ball or a portrait of a queen in her finery, I think “OMG, that must have REEKED.” All that finery, just to reek with maybe some perfume or cologne over the reek, which is sometimes worse than the smell by itself. (I get seated next to these people on flights, it is inevitable.)

    I vaguely remember my great-grandmother telling me that in the winter it was too cold to wash one’s hair properly, so they put baking powder all over it to soak up the grease, then comb it out.

    P.S. If I ever invent a new strain of ‘juana I will call it Green Euphoria.

  38. 38 JD

    Janiss: All excellent points. I’m definitely going to check out Mitchum as well as this “Tom’s of Maine” person. My mom just recommended something that’s scented with orange and cranberry, which sounds plain awful to me. I don’t want to smell like that!

    Tracy: Oh, I will remind you. Be sure of that. I didn’t see “Extreme Arctic Snakebite” on my shopping trip, but I’d like to give it a try, despite the confusion it would cause. This goiter I have already makes me look like I have an Adam’s apple, so what the hell?

    injaynesworld: Well, thank you, my horsey friend! Hey, I’m sure you do NOT smell like a horse. Maybe Chicken and Noodles? There are worse things.

    kathryn: No, I don’t think they can HELP themselves from giving some kind of gross scent to everything, regardless of its label. You know, I just foolishly assumed that deodorant makers had done away with the white residue. Maybe they should spend less time coming up with cutesy names like “Truth or Pear” and just make the damn thing WORK.

    Ron: Hey, you also use the same deodorant that Kathy’s husband uses, so you’re in good company. (Actually, I thought you might say you use the same deodorant as Sarah Jessica Parker!)

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Huh. Tom’s of Maine again. I’m definitely checking that out. Never even heard of it before this post. You guys are always helping a sistah out. (Yes, Spaghettio’s! Don’t tell me you’ve never smelled a little Chef Boyardee-ish.)

    Patricia (Who is a true beauty): HAHAHA! Campbell’s is really going to have to rethink its recipe. There are just too many people who associate it with BO. Beef-a-roni, eh? That’s pretty pungent. As for Jaynesworld, I wouldn’t mind smelling like hay or even leather, but I draw the line at equine. I do admire Dove’s worldview, which is why I was so disappointed not to find an unscented in their line. It’s funny: I use actual baby powder sometimes (not in the boudoir), but I can’t stand deodorant that smells like baby powder. Oh, how I would love a hashbrown deodorant. But skip the cat puke. Oh, wait. They’re the same thing.

    Kathy: What the hell is going on? With all these stupid new scents and “timed release” qualities, why can’t they do like they promised and NOT leave a residue? Well, I hope you took a picture.

    Pricilla: That was my problem. I had a ton of Sam’s Club whatever unscented deodorant; they don’t make it anymore, so now I’m on my own. Yeah, thanks, Dave. Next time you fall asleep on the nude beach, I won’t wake you up if you have a Power Surge.

    Jen @ lifelove’n'wine: Thanks for the tip! I’m getting lots of good ideas. I’m just wondering if there’s a use for all these discarded deodorants. Would the Salvation Army take them? They are only gently used.

    cardiogirl: I don’t think I could wear anything Old Spice, as that is what my dad used to wear. Also, “Old Spice” doesn’t sound very erection-y. However, “laundry-cleaned towels,” you say? Hmmm. I may have to investigate.

    Linda: NO! “Improved” almost never means better. When will they learn? I have never forgiven Curel for messing with its “Original Formula.” See, I would be tempted by something called Ocean Breeze. But my experience with such scents has not been good.

    Heather: HI HEATHER! Ohhhh, Burt’s Bees! I didn’t even know they made a deodorant. Wow, I really migh try that, because I quite like Burt’s Bees. Oh. But I don’t live near a Wegman’s. Pick one up for me, will you? Thanks.

    Kathleen Kaufman: Cucumber has become a very popular scent, especially when paired with melon. Wonder who came up with that one. I’ve never heard of this salt rock thing. Where do you even get the right kind of rock? I’d probably cut myself or something, and then I couldn’t wear anything for fear of that nasty stinging feeling. Nevertheless, I am intrigued.

    Lorisay: Geez, there seem to be tons of good deodorants out there! Why can’t I find any of them. Good ol’ Dove. I think it’s a tie between Dove and Mitchum when it comes to satisfied customers.

    mo: YAY! I like the way you think. Yes, if everyone did it, who would care? Chicken Noodle Soup for all!

    Becky: I hate armpit hair (on men and women). Yes, it’s masculine and everything, but aesthetically, it’s a huge turn-off when a guy just lets it all hang out. I wonder if my husband would consider shaving his armpits? He already does some manscaping.

    Patricia (Who is a true beauty): I’m always thinking that about old-timey, overdressed historical figures. MAN, the STENCH! Because they never washed their clothes either, I don’t think. There are powder “shampoos” that are probably basically baking powder only with an overpowering scent. And please put me down for a few kilos of Green Euphoria.

  39. 39 Kathleen Kaufman

    Check this out for salt rock goodness:

    http://www.iherb.com/Crystal-Body-Deodorant-Crystal-Body-Deodorant-3-oz-84-g/5656?at=0

    Reading their description of it made me want to buy it….advertising works on me…but then I remembered my actual experience with it. I know there must be some people who were totally psyched about it.

    I really do think that this was a hippie mountain town manifestation – I grew up in one, went to college in one, spent all my free time in my twenties in them, love ‘em, but they are full of some damn smelly hippies.

    They remind me of the diva cup – you know….that cup thingy that was supposed to take the place of tampons. Both the salt rock deodorant and the diva cup are a combination of ewww+ick = argh

    Both good ideas with incredibly flawed design issues.
    .-= Kathleen Kaufman´s last blog ..Arizona- Land of Horrors =-.

  40. 40 absepa

    If you don’t mind using an anti-antiperspirant/deodorant, Dove makes a sensitive skin formula that doesn’t have a scent. My skin is so freakishly sensitive that my pits break out if I use anything strongly scented, so I’ve spent years looking for gentle, unscented deodorant, too.

    From what I can tell from my husband’s selections, most men’s deodorants smell either musky, ocean-y, or forest-y. Musky=stinky to me, so he uses the ocean-y ones. I never noticed that the names were so, um, suggestive.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Dear footwear industry- youve done it again =-.

  41. 41 meleah rebeccah

    “PLEASE! Tell me if you’ve found an unscented no-residue deodorant.”

    That’s easy. Mine RULES. It’s called “Mitchum Power Gel Unscented.”
    And it’s awesome! *Pinky Swear*
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Operation- Watering Someone Else’s Plants =-.

  42. 42 vanilla

    My wife says “Sure” unscented works nicely. I have a friend of the female persuasion who says she uses “Mennen” original, which though scented is not unacceptable. You’re welcome.
    .-= vanilla´s last blog ..Loonville Vingette 4 Ouch =-.

  43. 43 muskrat

    I like Toms of Maine. It’s natural and stuff.
    .-= muskrat´s last blog ..a farewell to balls =-.

  44. 44 seafoodpunch

    what exactly does the matterhorn smell like? I can just see it now “hey bebe, would you like a whiff of my giant matterhorn”. this is great
    .-= seafoodpunch´s last blog ..My Fly is Down =-.

  45. 45 seafoodpunch

    OH! on a more serious note…ive been using “ban” unscented for a couple years and it works great. THey have roll-on and stick. but the word BAN doesnt really remind me of good smells or an erection.
    .-= seafoodpunch´s last blog ..My Fly is Down =-.

  46. 46 Lauren

    Pacific Surge. Ha! Who comes up with these names? It’s like Viagra for the pits and other glands.

    I found something in the cabinet this morning. I think it was a Ban roll on in a neon green bottle. It went on clear and kept my pits dry in the heat today while my back became an experiment in condensation. Is there a roll on for backs?

    Btw, I think the neon Ban roll on was for men. I think guy’s deodorant prevents shvitzing more than gal’s deodorant. What’s up with that?
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..Emerson Played his Organ while Lake- Well- Cest La Vie =-.

  47. 47 JD

    Kathleen Kaufman: Very interesting. The price is certainly right, and I like the fact that it comes with its own little dish! How cute! But then . . . yeah. I can’t help but almost smell the dirty hippies from here. Oh, god, the Diva Cup. Yeah, I want to haul that filthy thing around in my body all day — GROSS!

    absepa: I am getting more and more interested in men’s deodorants. I don’t like musky either, but forest-y or ocean-y (Power Surge is what I guess I’d call “ocean-y”) are a lot more appealing than powdery or flowery. I guess I must have some pretty tough pits. I’ve never had a problem with sensitivity.

    meleah rebeccah: Whoa! There’s another vote for Mitchum! Thank you SO MUCH. I should have no problem finding a decent deodorant once my Power Surge is used up.

    vanilla: Well, thank YOU. Boy, I’m getting lots of great suggestions. “Not unacceptable” is more than OK in my book.

    muskrat: Yeah, that seems to be a popular choice, tho I’ve never heard of it myself. Do you have to go to a camping store to buy it?

    seafoodpunch: HA! I do not care to smell a man’s Matterhorn, no matter how powerful it may be. No, “Ban” doesn’t create quite the same buzz as “Power Surge” or even “Matterhorn,” but if it works, who cares?

    Lauren: Yeah, the whole “made for a man but gentle enough for a woman” or whatever it is makes it sound like we don’t sweat like hogs. WE DO! I’ve discovered that armpit deodorants work just fine on other areas. And, no, I do not care to elaborate.

  48. 48 meleah rebeccah

    You’re welcome! :)
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Operation- Watering Someone Else’s Plants =-.

  49. 49 allisongsNYC

    Try ‘Kiss My Face’ roll-on for no white residue and no scent. Tom’s Maine is also a good natural, organic company – those are porbably your best bets for clean pits.

    I am a huge fan or your blog and writing style. I hope you will stop by to visit me. I’d love your feedback as you are one of my blogging heros… erection-y pits and all!
    .-= allisongsNYC´s last blog ..Blogroll Top 11 – MANIC goes ROGUE =-.

  50. 50 Canucklehead

    I don’t know if this will help you or not – but I actually just rub an erection directly onto Mrs. Canucklehead’s armpits. It does nothing for her armpit odour, but I find it surprisingly helpful.
    I’m sorry – I’m just not willing to make that kind of daily commute though – you’ll have to find your own application system.
    Just throwing it out there – CHEERS!

  51. 51 Lin

    I’ve noticed those ridiculous names for air fresheners too. Hmmmm…I can’t decide between “nature’s dance” and “water’s rush”. The hell?? And what does THAT smell like?? You should see my face when I’m reading that shit in the Walmart.

    I have no solution for you. Just wear the white circles like the rest of us, JD.
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..Dear Summer =-.

  52. 52 Your Daily Cute

    Seriously, this…

    I want to smell like an erection!

    …made my night.
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..Rally the Troops- Little Meow Needs a Home- =-.

  53. 53 Lisa

    Yeah, about the anti-perspirant thing and alzheimer’s, I’ve been trying Tom’s deodorant, but it sure doesn’t last long. So anti- use on really hot days and Tom’s when I’m planning on slugging at the ‘puter. There scents are nothing to mention since they don’t last long either.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Useless Banter =-.

  54. 54 MrsBlogAlot

    Clear and unscented is the only way to go. The point is NOT to smell and stain right?

    It’s like putting perfume on after running a marathon. Ewww!

    And can you tell me why they only fill them up a quarter of the way? I mean really, how much could some liquid body lysol cost them?

    They are second in line to the half empty potato chip bag for JIPS.

    Wow, I didn’t realize I had so much pent up anger against deodorant.

    (-:

  55. 55 Anne

    I have used my husband’s deodorant but it freaks me out when I move and smell him right there (especially when he is supposed to be at work).

    I use the Secret gel. I like it because I don’t like the white stripe. I am willing to deal with the scent, I just don’t like leaving a trail of white crumbs.

  56. 56 JD

    allisongsNYC: Oh, my GAW! Deodorant tips AND praise? I am beside myself. Thank you! Yes, I will pop over and wave my erection-smelling armpits all over your blog. Think of how good you’ll smell!

    Canucklehead: How selfish of you to tempt me with this foolproof method and then REFUSE to get your erection over here and under my arms! I thought you were my friend . . .

    Lin: I love that you have just given in. It’s hard not to, when faced with all these ridiculous choices. Men have it so much easier.

    Your Daily Cute: I’m so glad. You do so much to make others happy, you certainly deserve a little erection-related happiness.

    Lisa: Hmmm. So that’s a moderate thumb’s down for Tom’s? I never even used to NEED deodorant. That’s what’s so annoying. Where did all this stink come from???

    MrsBlogAlot: YES! That is the point, and it seems so simple. There’s a lot of resentment and bitterness coming out at the deodorant makers. Perhaps I should take this issue to the next level (i.e., Twitter?)

    Anne: Hee! Yes, I’ve experienced that phantom husband smell too. It can be a little scary. White crumbs are worse than just the white marks, I think.

  57. 57 Ann's Rants

    A frightened nerd should smell only of adrenaline.

    ps. spaghettios scented arm pits made me want to hurl. Nice work!
    .-= Ann’s Rants´s last blog ..Read My First Novel- =-.

  58. 58 Singular Girl

    I use an organic powder and deodorant block from Lush. The powder smells like coconut and the deodorant smells a bit like patchouli but it seems to work without leaving white streaks. Of course hardly anyone in Africa wears deodorant so even if I did smell I don’t think anyone would think it was out of the ordinary.

  59. 59 flit

    the rock thing worked for me for awhile…. until my skin started to break down, that is.

    http://www.verdan.net/
    .-= flit´s last blog ..Convocation =-.

  60. 60 MomZombie

    I don’t mind being sweaty or even smelling sweaty in the right setting. However, sweat ruins clothing and smells horrible after it has gone through the dryer. With that in mind, I finally switched to the clinical strength stuff more for the sake of my clothes. Yeah, it has a “vaguely defined” scent but I like it. It really works, too. Starts out kinda white and blotchy but once it absorbs into your skin, it’s gone. You can put it on the night before and it will still work the next day.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Dancing in my bones =-.

  61. 61 Yum Yucky

    You know what I get that’s worse than the underarm circles?? When the hair just starts coming back in and I say, eh, I’ll shave tomorrow. That is the day I take a pic with arms raised and the underarm deodorant dingleberries are hanging on to newly sprouted hair spud. Dammit!
    .-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Tasting- Terra Potpourri Exotic Potato Chips =-.

  62. 62 "DoctorJ"

    Dear JD:
    It sounds funny but you you picked up a great topic.I will forward that post to my boss.
    I have an autoimmunne condition which makes me “very” (Read: medical attention needed) sensetive to certain types of deodorants. My boss got really nice sense of smell and mentioned to me several times that I need to smell better.Eventually I brought up that issue to HR and provided an example when I had astma like attack 10 years ago,after smelling the customer’s deodorant and the issue got resolved! I would like to smell like machine shop or like diesel engine rather then using these funny substances that almost sent me to ER.
    My GF has a goiter too but different type hidden in her double chin:)

  63. 63 Sue

    I have to jump on the Secret band wagon. Sometimes I can find unscented at the Walmarts and sometimes I have to purchase powder fresh. Because I don’t give myself enough time to wait until a shipment of unscented comes in.
    .-= Sue´s last blog ..Apparently Bernies new girlfriend is a little thick =-.

  64. 64 CatLadyLarew

    There’s no friggin’ way “Delicate Bloom” ever has or will describe the aroma of my pits. Sheesh! Like you, I don’t want my pits to smell at all. But worse than that was the “feminine hygiene” spray that some girls used in high school. Good lord, you could smell that stuff coming a mile off! EEEWWWW!
    .-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..Blue- Theme Thursday =-.

  65. 65 DrowseyMonkey

    I await the results of your survey. I use Mitchem unscented … the stick doesn’t leave white marks but despite the claims of being unscented it’s not. the gel type is unscented but leaves … well lots of gel. Luckily I never expose my underarms in public.
    .-= DrowseyMonkey´s last blog ..A Delicate Operation =-.

  66. 66 ridgely johnson

    Agree on all fronts. My breakthrough came minutes before my kickboxing class when I fleetingly remembered that I got sidetracked getting ready for class-

    did I get the deodorant on? Ah, I’m ok- I haven’t smelled BO in years-

    well, that record is broken. For those of you, not wearing any: do you move around? I desperately tried to figure out a way to hang my armpits out the window during my drive home- did not work out too well while driving but did get a bit of fresh air in at the stop lights ;-)
    I know carry my Lady Speed Stick Gel – Dare to wear Black- with me in the car, just in case.

    Loved, loved, your post- so happy I found another humor blogger!
    smiles
    ridgely

  67. 67 ridgely johnson

    forgot to ask you- did you go into drugstore undercover to get aforementioned scents- ;-)
    forgot to mention my scent was ‘shower fresh’
    .-= ridgely johnson´s last blog ..How can Boomers get ready for a Birthday =-.

  68. 68 JD

    Ann’s Rants: Good point. But what exactly does adrenaline smell like? You guessed it: Spaghettios!

    Singular Girl: I think I need to move to Africa. I bet they don’t care if you shave your legs either, right? I like coconut. If I had to smell like something, that would probably be right up there (after freshly laundered rain).

    flit: Ah. Skin breaking down is probably not such a good thing.

    MomZombie: May I ask what brand you use? I’m intrigued. I don’t mind smelling either under certain conditions, but I hadn’t really thought about my clothes. I’d like to learn more.

    “DoctorJ”: Wow. When your boss tells you that you need to smell better, I guess you’d better get on the stick. DEODORANT STICK, that is! Ha. Sorry. Yeah, diesel engine is better than floral powder any day. Are you sure your girlfriend really has a goiter? Maybe it’s a third chin!

    Sue: Well, if you can stomach the Powder Fresh, then more pow(d)er to you. I think I would rather smell like diesel engine (see above) than anything powdery, but that’s just me. I’m beginning to wonder if I had a baby powder trauma as a child.

    CatLadyLarew: EWWWWWWWW!!! WHY, god, why?! Why not just use deodorant “down there”? And not the powdery kind. The erection kind.

    ridgely johnson: “Do you move around”? HAHAHAHA! I know. Who the hell gets away without wearing deodorant? The answer? Me. Up until the last 5 years or so. Oh, you could smell me a mile away after a workout, to be sure, but a normal day (with moving around)? I was good to go. But those days are over. (And, no, I didn’t even think to go undercover on my Power Surge buying spree.) Welcome!

  69. 69 v

    you are missed. that is all. take care.

  70. 70 MomZombie

    We live in the same climate and this summer has really put this stuff to the test. I use Degree Clinical Protection. Just make sure if you get it you put it on well before you get dressed or afterward. It’s messy at first but does dry up totally. No residue after the fact. You can even put it on the night before.
    http://nubiamag.com/nubiamag/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/degree_ciinical_protection_419.jpg
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..SpongeBrain SquarePeg =-.

  71. 71 Jess

    Just jumping in here to second the recommendation for Dove for sensitive skin. It’s not only fragrance free but boasts translucent moisturizers–which I thought was a cool bonus, ’cause who remembers to moisturise their armpits? I’ve been using it for years. It’s not icky like a gel and leaves no residue. That said, if I ever find Burt’s Bees on a shelf, I’ll snatch it up because while I love my fragrance-free Dove, it’s still an anti-perspirant, and I’ve heard enough health concerns raised about those that I’d rather just switch to a deoderant so long as I don’t embarrass myself with pit stains.

  72. 72 JD

    Drowsey Monkey: Well, I can tell you that Power Surge does the job, altho I do feel a little manly. No erections so far. And I agree: Even the “unscented” varieties have at least some scent. It’s like they just can’t HELP IT!

    MomZombie: The night before? Now I like that. I wonder if Power Surge is that long-lasting. I think I’ll test that out tonight. If not, I’m going to be on the lookout for Degree Clinical Protection. I like the “clinical” part. It MUST work, if it’s clinical.

    Jess: I have been sorely neglecting the moisturization of my armpits! How did I not know? This is insanity. Thank you for jumping in. And please don’t tell me about the perils of antiperspirants. I don’t want to know!

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