When people before could take it no more
They’d create a big friend like Gigantor *

scary-monster.jpg

WARNING! This post will not induce dizziness, motion sickness, or nausea. Unless reading about vomiting makes you feel sick. Then you’d best be on your merry way.

If you enjoy reading about vomiting but don’t want to be spoiled by a few tidbits in this post (last-ish paragraph), then please head back in time to last July and read about when I wasted a whole weekend on the Cloverfield phenomenon.

Back then, I thought “Cloverfield” was just going to be the code name for the movie, and that the real title, something along the lines of “MONSTROUS MONSTERY MONSTER,” would be revealed with great fanfare closer to the January 18, 2008, date, which, in July, was a lifetime away.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the first (real) movie poster with the title “Cloverfield.” Whaaa?

Turns out that “Cloverfield” is a perfect title. And there was no question where I would be on January 18, 2008. Sitting in the theater, worrying about my ridiculously heightened expectations. Would it be another Blair Witch or another Snakes on a Plane? Would those damn kids scream through the whole thing? Would those two Celebrex I just took bring on an allergic reaction? I voiced this last concern to Dave, who said firmly, “We’re not going anywhere.” Would that guy behind me throw up on my freshly washed hair?

Actually, that last thought didn’t enter my mind, because at that point I hadn’t heard all the warnings about the hand-held camera causing motion sickness. Had I known, I still would have gone. I just wouldn’t have taken those two Celebrex. Or washed my hair.

Weblines (the new term I just coined for “Web site headlines”) spewed forth such gems as

“Cloverfield = Vomit (But in a Good Way)”

“Cloverfied Meets Vomit City”

“Cloverfield Made Me Vomit!”

“Cloverfield: The Vomit Cam”

One amateur reviewer noted,

It’s supposed to give you a feeling of realism, when in reality all it does is give you a feeling of nausea.

I didn’t have any feelings of nausea and, as far as I can tell, neither did anyone else in the theater. Or if they did have those feelings, they kept them to themselves, which . . . thank God, because public vomiting is not good for anyone.

I don’t even think anyone in the movie threw up, which is also a huge relief, because, frankly, Filmmakers of the World, we don’t need to see that. The sound of a character throwing up is bad enough, and usually, the context clues us into the fact that, if something nausea-inducing has just been presented and the character bolts off to bury his head in a wastebasket, yes, he is throwing up. Please spare us the graphic details.

So, yeah. The camera work bothered me only in that I couldn’t see some parts very clearly. You know, if someone’s going to expand and explode in a bloody mess (I’m not saying this actually happens, I’m just saying IF), let’s have the camera linger a bit. People vomiting—no. People exploding—yes. I wanna see stuff. Flecks and organs and splattery goo (are you vomiting yet?)

But the cinema verite is what made the movie so exciting. The terror, panic, adrenalin rush of the characters felt so much more real and immediate. And really, when it comes to monsters, less is more. Catching glimpses of the giant beastie and trying to figure out what the hell we’re looking at is way more cool than just plopping a camera in front of a CGI creation and going, ROWR! I SCARE YOU!

Spoilers Ahoy-lers!

After an impressive viral marketing campaign that included tie-in Web sites, a fake (or is it?) Japanese drilling company, and a narcotic soft drink, Abrams did a good job of leaving viewers with still more mysteries and unanswered questions:

What does that guy say at the very end? Did you catch the thing falling from the sky in the final scene (I didn’t). Is the monster still alive? Were there really two monsters? Did the monster just give Hud a good licking or did he chomp him in half? Did Lily survive? Is the Statue of Liberty head to scale? (yes!). Does this have anything to do with Lost? Will I throw up?

Will you???

If you still need more Cloverfield:
  • Buy the action figure. Apparently it comes with two interchangeable heads and ten parasites. AND a Statue of Liberty head!
  • Join Cloverfield’s FaceBook page! Find out Cloverfield’s likes and dislikes, favorite music, and who Cloverfield admires.
  • Listen to “ROAR! (Cloverfield Overture),”the movie’s theme song that plays over the end credits.

______________________________

They’re puking up a storm over at humor-blogs.

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18 Comments


18 Responses to “I Sat Through Cloverfield Without Puking”

  1. 1 Jeff

    I doubt I would be able to watch it. I get nauseous in omni theaters and have to look away when they show you flying in a helicopter, and I nearly threw up the first time I went into one of those virtual ride boxes that simulated a roller coaster (urp). My most embarrassing nausea episode was when my daughter was 5 and I took her on kiddie ride that went around in circles and I was sick for an entire hour later. I guess my dream of becoming an astronaut will never happen huh?

    Jeff’s last blog post..Talk about shrinkage…

  2. 2 dcr

    Should I be more interested in this movie than what I am? I find that the more a movie is hyped, the less I care to see it. All in all, the only thing I’m really curious about is what the monster looks like. And, if I don’t see that, I think I’ll be fine with that too.

    I guess I’m finding myself more interested in stuff from independent flicks, and less so in what Hollywood offers up.

    dcr’s last blog post..How to Attract Hot Naked Chicks

  3. 3 Kathy

    OK, so I thought I might want the toy because that can’t possibly make me vomit. But you can’t SEE the monster! Must be a joke tie-in, right? That you never get to see the monster?

    I won’t be watching the movie in the theater. Best to watch it from the comfort of my couch, next to the bathroom.

    I’m glad nobody erped on your hair!

    Kathy’s last blog post..We Can Hear You

  4. 4 Corrina

    MAN you really took one for the team with that one, eh? Thanks JD!

  5. 5 JD

    Jeff: It’s a shame that so many people won’t be able to see the movie (or will end up demanding a refund after 10 minutes), because, if you like a good monster movie, this is it. I feel for you, getting sick on those rides. I don’t know how many people I’ve had to convince: I’m NOT scared, I just get sick. It’s not an enjoyable experience! I guess you don’t want to have to yell like that at your poor daughter, tho.

    dcr: Usually I’m with you on preferring indie movies to Hollywood. But every now and then one comes along–hype and all–that I really look forward to seeing. I recommend it–if you’re not afraid of puking, that is.

    Kathy: I think they’re afraid the toy WILL make you throw up! I think it’s funny that you’re supposed to shell out $99 without even seeing what you’re getting. I watched Blair Witch at home, after all the warnings about nausea. Plus I was a big chicken and afraid of freaking out. I watched it at 10 in the morning on a bright, sunny day!

    Corrina: Glad to do it!

    JD’s last blog post..I Sat Through Cloverfield Without Puking so you don’t have to

  6. 6 cardiogirl

    Gotta say, I have no desire to watch this movie. Thank you for watching it for me. I did, indeed, throw up when I got home from The Blair Witch Project and I don’t need to do that again.

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..Seven more things you never knew about me

  7. 7 Sabrina

    I find that the more movies are hyped the more I’m sure I saw all I wanted to see in the commercials. I was totally psyched for The Simpson Movie, and bought it without watching it first, something I hardly ever do – thank you Netflix – but when I watched it, I decided it was an awful lot like a long episode and not nearly as great as I expected.

    Thanks for taking one for the team!

    Sabrina’s last blog post..Friday Frustration

  8. 8 JD

    Cardiogirl: I wonder how many people would have gone to see this movie if not for the motion sickness thing. Then, too, I wonder how many people are going for that very reason. At least you waited to throw up till you got home.

    Sabrina: Boy, I really did everyone a service with this one, didn’t I? Glad to do it. I do think this one lived up to the hype, but then I love monster movies…and I didn’t puke. But I thought The Simpsons was great! In fact, we bought the DVD (and watched it) even after seeing it in the theater. I agree–it was kind of like a long episode, but there were some parts you wouldn’t have seen on TV. Anyway, we certainly agree on one thing: NETFLIX!

    JD’s last blog post..I Sat Through Cloverfield Without Puking so you don’t have to

  9. 9 Canucklehead

    Well, I has absolutely no interest in seeing this movie – until now! I think I’m going to wait for the rental on this bad boy – even though action movies and high special effects are the only way I can be convinced into an ass-numbing seat for a couple of hours. That being said, I would have been in line on day one had it been called ‘MONSTROUS MONSTERY MONSTER”. Catch the fever!

  10. 10 JD

    Canucklehead: I know, right? When is Hollywood gonna hire me to come up with movie titles? If you’re interested in Cloverfield, walk–don’t run!–to the theater. I think it’s much better on the big screen. Don’t forget the sick bag!

    JD’s last blog post..I Sat Through Cloverfield Without Puking so you don’t have to

  11. 11 fracas

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I don’t want to see this movie. My daughter went the other night and warned me about it. I can’t stand the motion thing. We were at the telus Science Centre in Calgary… watched a show there (about dinosaurs) on their dome screen, and the type of filming (serious panning in uber widescreen mode) from the bird’s eye view of the earth’s terrain in that (supposedly dinosaur time) style made me feel quite ill.

    So I owe you something for seeing that movie so I don’t have to.

    You’re a Saint.

    fracas’s last blog post..A naked picture of my cold hard nipples.

  12. 12 JD

    Fracas: You are more than welcome. It’s too bad so many people have to miss a great monster movie because of all the puking; it was quite enjoyable, and I didn’t mind watching it so you don’t have to AT ALL!

    JD’s last blog post..I Love the 80s so you don’t have to

  13. 13 Marie

    I think the whole puking thing is yet another marketing ploy. Everywhere frat boys who were previously disinterested are now taking up the challenge just to (a) show they’re too manly to puke or (b) take advantage of the situation to deliberately puke all over the theater so they’ll have something to post on Facebook.

    Marie’s last blog post..Starbucks!

  14. 14 JD

    Marie: I agree. And the ones who want to puke are probably helping the process along by getting drunk before the movie–or eating tons of White Castle. Regardless, all this puking publicity can only help.

    JD’s last blog post..I Love the 80s so you don’t have to

  15. 15 Stephanie Barr

    I hate overt vomiting. It’s why I didn’t become a veterinarian. Unfortunately, with weak-stomached husbands and three children, I AM, repeatedly, exposed to it, but everyone knows my, er, phobia. I certainly don’t like it on the screen.

    Weird thing is that I haven’t thrown up in literally 23 years, since I was 17. And that includes multiple pregnancies in between.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..What do you know about tin whiskers?

  16. 16 Cloverfield Cinema

    But me much liked the film Cloverfield, in america as always not peacefully.

  1. 1 bloggingzoom.com
  2. 2 Vicodin.

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