Ah HA!

You didn’t even know this was a contest, did you?

Well, neither did I, until I checked out my stats program to see who was clicking on what.

And I can’t say I wasn’t a little bit surprised at what I found out.

You thought no one would know, didn’t you? You just assumed that a simple mouse click, performed in the darkness of your bedroom late at night, would never be discovered.

Well, I know what you did. God knows, too. And God is pretty disgusted. How do I know? He appeared to me on a frozen waffle. And he was not happy, especially when I slathered him in butter and took a big bite.

But, luckily for you, I am not quite so judgmental. I am simply . . . well, let’s allow the results to speak for themselves.

  • WHICH RSB had you the most tantalized, curious, mesmerized . . . wanting MORE?
  • WHICH RSB was the most popular among clickers? Clickers who just HAD to see the photo?
  • WHICH RSB did YOU, the unsuspecting readers, click on the most?

The runner-up:






Oh, dear.

Even Britt Ekland is disappointed in you. She’s disappointed in herself, too, I think. She’s all, I left Peter Sellers for THIS?

All right. Let’s see if you showed a little more taste and refinement in your first choice for most clickable RSB.

First place:






You guys! How COULD you? Yes, Joe Jonas was the clear front-runner in bulge-clicks. It was not even close. Now I can see why God was so disgusted. Well, that’s between you and him. Maybe you should stay away from frozen waffles for a while. Anyway, as I said, I do not judge. (But I do not forget, either.)

Sigh. Sadly, there really are no winners in this contest. But! There is a consolation prize for your poor, traumatized eyeballs. Hopefully this will ease your shame and help to start the healing.

It’s me! JD! And my new hair.

I promise. Clicking on THESE thumbnails will bring you only joy and peace and perhaps a slight touch of bitter envy.

new hair 1new hair 2new hair 3new hair 4

(Don’t remember the “before” JD? Click here for the infamous “mermaid” photo)

Do we have a winner?


Photo credits

  • Waffles: JD
  • Joe Jonas: Too embarrassed to still exist, apparently.
  • Rod Stewart: Steve Aoki
  • JD: Dave
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44 Responses to “I Reveal the Results of the Top-Secret Rock Star Bulge Contest”

  1. 1 Buggys

    LOVE the hair!
    How could you reveal our secret slightly indiscriminate RSB clicking!??
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Man vs. Woman =-.

  2. 2 Theresa

    JD, your hair always looks great, no matter what you do with it!
    .-= Theresa´s last blog ..Who is That in the Mirror? =-.

  3. 3 Grace

    Hmmmm – okay, looks good. You have such beautiful hair – me, I wish I had the nerve to shave mine all off (again!)
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Sunday Serenade =-.

  4. 4 Jaffer

    Ah ! Good to see some beauty after being forced to stare into another dude’s crotch. Besides I am disappointed Jonas won.

    I like the your bottom. right picture.

  5. 5 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Your hair looks pretty!

    ::blushing at being caught clicking on a RSB photo::
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Sunday Comics with Daisy! =-.

  6. 6 Pricilla

    Your hair looks great!
    Now I admit that I didn’t click on the runner up until a certain commenter commented on how bad it was…how then could I not?
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..AbbyDay Delayed – I am Not a Happy Goat! =-.

  7. 7 Lin

    Lovely “do”, JD! I could barely see it though because my retinas were destroyed by that Rod Stewart photo. Gees, that is just disturbing.
    .-= Lin´s last blog ..525, 600 Moments So Dear =-.

  8. 8 jennyonthespot

    Oh snap. Rod Stewart? NO. Made out of WRONG! *gaggaggag*

    But YOU! You are GORGEOUS! How do you handle it?
    .-= jennyonthespot´s last blog ..I Saw This Card and Almost Bought It to Give to Myself. =-.

  9. 9 absepa

    Love the new ‘do…it’s so nice and healthy and shiny! I will admit to clicking on the Joe Jonas photo, but not to check out his bulge. It seems like there are an awful lot of those Jonases, and I wanted to see which one he was.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..So what is Eeyore, a werewolf? =-.

  10. 10 Lola

    How could Joe Jonas win? Seriously? I’m so jealous of your thick gorgeous hair!
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..National Coming Out Day =-.

  11. 11 Stephanie Barr

    I clicked all your links out of curiosity to see if any of them would get my juices flowing but no dice. Your hair is lovely, by the way, but then it always was.

    Not that I don’t love male pulchritude, but, as I’d mentioned, RSB’s dont’ do much for me. And, if I do feel the interest, hey, Lee’s wearing a kilt right now, and just the way kilts should be worn. With nothing underneath.

    There, that ought to make up for inflicting those pictures on us AGAIN. And I don’t mean the lovely pictures of you.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For Avan: Will we move? =-.

  12. 12 babs - beetle

    *Joe Jonas* I see no ships! erm, I mean bulge. Where IS it? I openly admit to clicking on ALL of the links ;)

    Your hair looks loverly! I couldn’t see the ‘before’ photo. Facebook wouldn’t load it.
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..The annual monster march! =-.

  13. 13 Spot

    I didn’t click on any of the RSB photos so me & God are cool. That Rod Stewart one…yeah, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. I had to go back and look at the waffles to cleanse the mental palate! And Joe Jonas won??! Amazing. I’m with Bab’s…I don’t see the bulge.

    Your hair looks amazing!!! Not as short as I pictured it and just healthy and great! Go you!

    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Time suckage and Cat poop =-.

  14. 14 dcr

    Wait a minute… I only clicked the one link because you tricked me. I remember leaving a comment to that effect.

    And, I don’t think the clicks for Joe Jonas count because that link was not an image link but a link to a Yahoo! Answers question, and who can resist not seeing what the question was? Questions on Yahoo! Answers can sometimes be a source of great entertainment. Some questions asked are quite bizarre, and some leave you deeply concerned for the future of the human race.

    At any rate, with the new hair, does that mean you’ll need to be changing your blog header? Maybe you can be Ninja JD. I don’t know why. That just comes to mind. “I Do Things So You Don’t Have to” — Ninja style! They never see you coming! You just do it, and nobody finds out about it until your post appears.

    Then again, if you were a ninja, your neighbor would have never seen you.
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Saturday Supper =-.

  15. 15 JD

    Buggys: Thank you! Sorry about sharing the RSB clicking results. I just thought it was very interesting. Not at ALL what I expected!

    Theresa: Oh, thank you. I swear, I only posted these because people asked to see the haircut. It doesn’t always look that good, believe me.

    Grace: If you shave off yours, I’ll shave off mine! Wouldn’t THAT make a great blog post?

    Jaffer: Sorry about the dude crotch. I just felt obligated to share the results of my secret investigation. I’m disappointed too. (Thank you!)

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Thank you, Daisy! Coming from you, a true fashion icon, that is a real compliment!

    Pricilla: Thank you! I know—it’s hard to resist. And I’m sure it was curiosity more than anything else that led most clickers to check out both Rod and Joe. And, boy, were they sorry!

    Lin: Why, thank you. I hope your eyeballs aren’t permanently damaged. There’s so much wrong going on in that photo of Rod.

    jennyonthespot: HA! It IS made out of wrong! All of it! As for “gorgeous”? I don’t know, but thank you. I think it was the Dr. Pepper chapstick that made the photos so special.

    absepa: Thank you! Aaaaand . . . oookay. Sure. I believe you were only doing Jonas Brother research. Yes. Highly credible.

    Lola: I don’t know, but my Clicky stats do not lie. He was WAY in the lead of links clicked . . . and I’m still seeing a fair number of clicks. Thank you, but I do have some bald spots. I try to cover them.

    Stephanie Barr: Oh, Lee and that kilt! No, there’s certainly no reason for you to be clicking on RSB pix. But SOME people were obviously VERY interested in some of these . . . including me. (And thank you.)

    babs – beetle: Thank you for your honesty in admitting to clicking. Sorry—that was the best Joe Jonas picture I could find. Actually there’s another Jonas brother (the oldest one, I think), who wears REALLY tight pants and . . . why do I know this? Ugh. Sorry the Facebook photo wouldn’t load. But I’m sure you’ve seen long-haired pix of me somewhere.

    Spot: I’m glad you’re cool with God. Waffles are a wonderful palate cleanser for both the mind and the tastebuds. No, my hair doesn’t look too short, but believe me, it was a LOT longer.

    dcr: Oh, I do love those Yahoo! Answers. You’re right: A lot of people clicked on that one, too. My hair grows really fast, so I think I’m safe in keeping my blog header. Tho I do like the ninja theme.

  16. 16 Jessica

    The HAIR! You know, people wear wigs just to get those waves…

  17. 17 Grace

    Yes it would but I have actually done it because I basically don’t give a rat’s ass, you on the other hand have beautiful hair and a public life LOL Hermits don’t need hair…
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Sunday Serenade =-.

  18. 18 Kathryn

    Did you hear me? I clicked on the top right photo…and staring into that bee-you-tiful face, I said, “JD! You’re gorgeous, bay-bee!”

    You did not answer, per se….but stared knowingly back into my eyes…and I could hear you thinking, “I know, doll. I know….it’s a gift and a curse. Depending on the day.”

    You are SO WISE, JD!
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Big But =-.

  19. 19 Lidian

    You always have gorgeous hair, JD!

    And personally – I would have voted for the waffles. Waffles are WAY better than Rod Stewart and Joe Jonas.
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..A Whisper of Capiscum =-.

  20. 20 frogmama

    Your hair looks great. Rod’s on the other hand looks…well, there’s way too much of it above and below the equator.
    .-= frogmama´s last blog ..Pantie lines should never be crossed =-.

  21. 21 Jeff

    Ok, I’ll admit I was looking at Rod, but I wasn’t looking at Rod’s rod… I was looking at Britt’s bulge.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..How to have a bad morning =-.

  22. 22 Tracy

    Your hair looks like shampoo commercial hair!

    And I had that same undershirt and undies set as Rod back in the 1970s!
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..The First Annual IHMMB Scary Product Contest! =-.

  23. 23 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    Ewwww! Even “rock star bulge” sounds a little bit gross, let alone those pics with the hairy peek-a-boos! ICK!!
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Goat Thing of the Day: Sidehacking and a Street Sign =-.

  24. 24 JD

    Grace: Who says I’m not a hermit?! Plus it would make a great blog post. Although I think I have a square-ish head (based on baby pictures anyway). Under what circumstances did you shave yours? I’m intrigued . . .

    Kathryn: I heard you! Thank you! That was so sweet. That knowing smile was just for you. You’re the wise one—understanding my gift and curse. But mostly curse.

    Lidian: Oh, thanks. Your waffle vote has been officially counted. And I’m with you. Those waffles looked and tasted delicious.

    frogmama: I see what you’re saying. Yeah, I tried not to look “there.” At least looking at my hair won’t blind you.

    Jeff: OK, you’re excused. FOREVER! No, I’m kidding. I’m willing to cut you some slack; after all, you’re accustomed to staring at things on your tiny TV screen. Objects on my blog may appear bigger than in reality.

    Tracy: NO! You did not! Please tell me you didn’t have his hairstyle. And thank you. I’ll be accepting ads from shampoo companies as of right now.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Don’t look at the hair!!! I know. It’s all pretty scary. You were brave to come over here.

  25. 25 cardiogirl

    Gah. Grabs head and screams. A Jonas won? Yuck. Although the choices — Rod vs. Jonas — weren’t that great either.

    Um, congrats J-Bro?
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..I’d like you to meet our special guest, Mr. Donny Osmond =-.

  26. 26 Patty

    Okay…so I clicked on the Rod Stewart photograph simply because it said ‘sorry’ afterwards. That’s like a blinking neon sign pointing to the link saying “PICK ME, MESSED UP STUFF AHEAD.” Lo, I was not disappointed. As for Joe, I thought *he* was the oldest! Shame on you, is he even eighteen?! Are you going to flee to France sometime in the near future? (Because I totally clicked on that one and need a travelin’ buddy.)

    And the hair…the hair is wonderful! Sassy, sassy Breck girl hair! I think I hear the menfolk on the site demanding you try the mermaid photo again with the shorter hair…
    .-= Patty´s last blog ..Threadless Tshirt Giveaway at =-.

  27. 27 Puglette


    your haircut looks great! i like how it frames your face. :)

    i did not click on any of the links in your previous posts as i had memories of most of the oldies and just did not need to see a jonas bulge. in fact, i don’t really see one in the photo you provided. however, the rod stewart photo is funny in so many ways. it is definitely dated, i mean, look at that outfit! and it cracks me up that he has pulled up the shirt so show off his man parts…very funny.
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Cupcakes =-.

  28. 28 ann

    the new do looks great. I think you have a winner.
    .-= ann´s last blog ..What happened? =-.

  29. 29 Jenn Thorson

    Fetching new do, JD!

    Re: Mr. Stewart, folks may have just been looking at that like, oh, people used to go to traveling carnivals to see the Bearded Lady and the Turtle Boy and stuff.

    I mean, first of all, where did he get his striped Mankini?
    .-= Jenn Thorson´s last blog ..Wonder Woman and the Lingerie of Doom =-.

  30. 30 elmot

    I love the hair too! And what a bulge! Yey! That lady with Rod is certainly very entertained.
    .-= elmot´s last blog ..Stop Tweeting Political Stuffs, Bro. Seriously. =-.

  31. 31 JD

    Jessica: Thank you! I never specifically said this WASN’T a wig . . .

    cardiogirl: Yessss. “Congratulations” do seem to be in order, I guess. But y’all could’ve clicked on Robert Plant! There’s no shame in that choice!

    Patty: Heh. So it’s MY fault for luring you to click on Rod Stewart’s bulge, is it? Fine. I accept full credit. Er, blame. I don’t write “sorry” for just any ol’ messed-up stuff ahead, you know. Joe Jonas is the middle one, I think, but regardless, they’re all about 8 or 9. Talk about messed up. When do we leave for France? And thank you for the hair props! Oh, those menfolk. They so silly.

    Puglette: I know, right?! WAFFLES! (They were so good.) I’m proud of you for not clicking and for holding on to your happy bulge memories. I know, that one Jonas photo isn’t very bulgy, but it’s the “best” I could do. As for Rod, he looks so happy; we shouldn’t judge, I guess. But I will anyway. Ew. (and thank you!)

    ann: Thanks, Ann! Or should I say, “ann”? Yes, I’m going to try to get it cut at least twice a year.

    Jenn Thorson: Thank you! HA! “Mankini.” He does look like some kind of carnival attraction. I don’t want to say what kind. This is a family blog, after all.

    elmot: Thank you! I mean, about the hair, not the bulge.

  32. 32 Bingo

    OMG,my poor eyes! That photo of Rod Stewart is like a nightmare. I love your haircut, you look younger.

  33. 33 Jen @ lifelove'n'wine

    Oh my god! Rod Stewart was the only one I DIDN’T click on because I was all, “I NEVER need to see that.”

    And then I’m reading your post and scrolling and you just put him right out there for me to see…ah!

    My eyes are burning and I may never sleep soundly again.
    .-= Jen @ lifelove’n'wine´s last blog ..Pin the Pfft! on the Old Fart and other Maine Tales =-.

  34. 34 Anne

    I love your hair! Isn’t Joe Jonas like 12 years old or something? I don’t know much about the Jonas brothers but I thought they were preteens.

  35. 35 Your Daily Cute

    DO love the hair!

    Now, about those RSB results… icky people!! Come on! (Although I do admit to clicking on all them — I dare anyone to say they didn’t — those nasties certainly weren’t my first clicks!)
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..Two Cats Tuesday: It’s Treat Time! =-.

  36. 36 JD

    Bingo: I’m sorry about Rod Stewart. But it had to be done. And thank you for the compliment. If cutting my hair makes me look younger, don’t be surprised to see me bald in my next post.

    Jen @ lifelove’n'wine: Again, I’m sorry! Did not the soothing images of JD’s Mug Shot help get you over the burning eyes? For that was my plan.

    Anne: Thank you! And I don’t know how old those Jonas brothers are. I thought preteen, too. Preteens shouldn’t have bulges. But I dare you to Google “Jonas bulge” (yes, there are even videos).

    Your Daily Cute: I was as shocked as you are. But the Clicky stats do NOT lie. (and thank you!)

  37. 37 Buggys

    Every time I scroll down the page past the Rod Stewart pic it gives me the shivers. No, not in a good way.
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  38. 38 jessica

    Rod Stewart could have looked like my dad back then and I still would have loved him b/c I loved his music. Now, not so much

  39. 39 Maureen

    So glad Jaffer added the “right picture.” after that “I like the your bottom.” statement.

    And I don’t believe Jeff. Not for a minute.
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..M.I.A. =-.

  40. 40 JD

    Buggys: No. Nothing good can come of looking at that Rod Stewart photo, and yet it must be seen. We must all remember: This must NEVER happen again.

    jessica: God, can you imagine your dad looking like this? Like, coming into your room to make sure you’ve done your homework, wearing this mankini with his . . . hairiness on display? Trauma.

    Maureen: Oh, you KNOW Jaffer likes my bottom!

  41. 41 Rose

    Uh, I’m still waiting for the tribute to Jack White.

  42. 42 JD

    Rose: HA! It’s coming. This post was so “popular,” I don’t see how I can refuse to pay a singular homage to “The Jackage.”

  43. 43 Marie

    A little motivation perhaps…?

  44. 44 JD

    Marie: That was awesome. Thank you. I loved the freeze-frame at the end.


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