Cat
I’m a kitty cat
And I dance, dance, dance
It’s been very sciency here at I Do Things, what with discovering new illnesses and such. In keeping with that theme, I decided to tackle an issue that’s probably even more important than a life-threatening disease.
(clears throat in scientific manner)
Kittens, despite what you may think, are complex mammals. Yes, they are cute and fluffy, but the inner self of a kitten has remained a mystery to cat scientists for centuries.
Therefore, I have conducted exhaustive and extensive research into the kitten species. To make things easy (on myself), my test subject was my own personal kitten, Prudence.
I spent at least a whole half-hour carefully watching and recording Prudence’s actions. The results are far too technical to include here in their entirety, so for the layperson, I have extracted only the pertinent details.
Prudence likes:
- Eating
- Sleeping
- Playing
Prudence dislikes:
- When I do the screaming guitar solo to “No One Like You” by Scorpions
- When I try to fit her head into my mouth
- When I run at her making monster noises
- That guy next door
- When we play “Olympic Gymnast” and she is the trampolinist
- The streetcleaner
- When I imitate the streetcleaner
- When I fold her ears into origami shapes
- When I yell, “SUPPER!” but don’t feed her within 2 seconds
- When Gus doesn’t play-bite her hard enough
- When I won’t let her eat my hair
- When I chase her around the house, pretending to be a giant gorilla
- The Real Housewives of Orange County
- When I wake her up from a nap so I can give her a pedicure
- When I practice my British ambulance siren (WEE-oo WEE-oo WEE-oo)
- When I stick my big toe in her mouth as she’s yawning
- Llamas
- When I roll her up in a blanket and pretend she’s a burrito
- Being researched
Conclusion
Kittens seem to have many more dislikes than likes. This makes them highly unpredictable and possibly dangerous. Purchase your kitten (preferably from a shelter) with care.
And keep trying the screaming guitar from “No One Like You.” Your kitten might get used to it eventually.
_____________________________
Click here if you love kittens.
67 Comments
67 Responses to “I Research Kittens”
- 1 Trackback on Sep 15th, 2008 at 6:33 PM
Wait — your kitten doesn’t like Origami, the British, or the ladies of the OC?
I think your cat is racist.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Bats all up in my belfry: Twitter, the expanded edition
HAHA…I’m pretty sure you’ve actually captured the essence of a kitten in one solitary blog post. Congratulations.
I love cats. My two are about a year old, but you’d think they were babies still. And talk about two COMPLETELY different personalities…My mellow cat doesn’t like it when I roll him onto his back and try to tickle him – he gets up and walks away, looking at me disdainfully over his shoulder – but he can’t get enough of my laser-light keychain. My hyper cat LOVES being rolled onto her back, and even manages to keep her claws in as she stretches into a mile-long tube of fur and purrs so loud I’m afraid she’ll wake the neighbors.
…but I somehow doubt either of them would care too much for a screaming guitar solo from ANY song.
Under list of things to hate: getting the clawrs clipped. And the ears cleaned. I do not know why people tolerate these things, because it is the worst sort of torture!
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Fashion Friday: Rasta Daisy!
Oh, that’s true! But you forgot cats likes hamsters, like me! Maybe your cat wants to be different
Brownie’s last blog post..Links for 2008-08-20 [Digg]
I had no idea you could
abusedo so many things to kittens. I may have reconsider my stance on not getting one.Jeff’s last blog post..Mostly Wordless Wednesday
I often refer to ‘kitten logic’ when I see them pounce on anything within their expansive reach.
Carla’s last blog post..ALL GROWN UP
my new slog site updated.
Carla’s last blog post..Floor angst
It was pretty flippin’ funny until I got to “Llamas” and then I pretty darn well near lost it….. A true “milk through nose” kind of moment.
Biffybeans’s last blog post..Me with Kirk & James of Metallica, & the upcoming “Death Magnetic” disc.
So kitties like playing, but not playing with llamas?
Strange creatures indeed.
Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Energy Crisis Top Tips
Gee, with you paying so much attention to her with your research, I can’t imagine why she would have peed on your bed.
Susan’s last blog post..Photohunt: Beautiful
I want a kitty cat again. I used to wrap my cat in a blanket and cradle it like a baby, she would go to sleep too. She also bit me when she got tired of playing house.
“When I try to fit her head into my mouth†– Is there a YouTube video for this? I knew you had skills, but d***!
Natural’s last blog post..Butt-to-Gutt Ratio Gone Wild
omg, i’m in tears and the lady i share an office with is yelling at me because my laughing is distracting her. i’m making this the featured blog post on my blog!
Kelly’s last blog post..Adult Swim
Hmmmm… I must be a kitten. I don’t like those things either.
And I have to agree with her short list of “likes”.
Oh, and “awwwwwwwww” at those pics… what a cutie!
Maureen’s last blog post..If I Only Had The Guts
We have done pretty much the same research on our kitties, and they also hated it all.. especially the neighbor.
Monique’s last blog post..Damn You Askimet!
Have you tried “Still Lovin’ You”? Everyone (and I mean everyone, dammit!) loves when I do that one!!
hilarious! I wonder if I can get a job researching kittehs, I’d lurve that job!
chat blanc’s last blog post..Now you’ve gone too far
maggie, dammit: Wow. And don’t forget llamas and burritos. I’ve got a bigger problem than I thought.
Angi: Tell Mellow Cat to get with the program! All cats and kittens need to be tickled on a regular basis. And stop with the disdain. We know: YOU’RE A CAT!
Daisy the Curly Cat: I can see I should’ve consulted you while doing research. I forgot all about getting the ears cleaned! (But do you like having them folded?)
Brownie: I’ll have to add that to my notes. Perhaps I’ll have to purchase some sort of small rodent and see how Prudence reacts.
Jeff: Oh, DO reconsider! Kittens are surprisingly sturdy and resilient. They can handle anything!
Carla: Prudence keeps proving that “kitten logic” is something of an oxymoron.
Biffybeans: Oh, no! I hope you weren’t really drinking milk. I find that “llamas” will often incite that kind of reaction evil laugh)
Tiggy: Go figger. Llamas are kittens’ natural enemies, especially if they look like this.
Susan: HA! Well, now, actually, it was our other cat, Gus, who had the accident. Maybe he was feeling left out?
Natural: I’ll have to work on a video. This was a lot easier when she was smaller and more compliant. Now, for some strange reason, she seems to resent it.
Kelly: YAY! Well, not “yay” that you’re getting yelled at (tell that lady to shut up!). And thank you.
Maureen: Thanks: she is a spoiled-rotten cutie, despite everything she has to put up with from me. I think my next scientific study will involve the amazing similarities between kittens and humans.
Monique: Yeah, what is it about that neighbor guy? Everyone hates him!
Woody: I’ll give that one a try! Tho I am pretty good at the screaming guitar. Maybe you should just come over and do “Still Lovin’ You,” since I don’t even know it!
chat blanc: You have to be highly qualified, you know. A degree in kitten psychology and an advanced degree in Litterbox 101 AT LEAST!
Maybe Prudence should get an award for tolerating the tests without hurting you! Hmmm, maybe she could get a bag of catnip with a personilized message: Thank you for being a test subject! You’re the best, Prudence!
No cats for me (allergies), but my dogs seem to kind of like it when I sing. They have a particular fondness for “Habanera” from Carmen, although one of them always sticks his nose in my mouth when I do the high notes. I’ll have to try out the air guitar and see how they react. Do other songs work for animal-air-guitar experiments, or does it have to be “No One Like You?”
“When I fold her ears into origami shapes” Ha ha ha! I love it!
Livvie used to go mad when I got my guitar out. She loved it and would play it by picking the strings with her teeth! When I moved on to steel strings, I thought she would stop. Nope! She still loved it and would often play a duet with me! Oh I wish I’d had a video camera then.
Sukie, on the other hand runs and hides the moment I even go close to to my guitar, or the case!
Such cute photos ;O)
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..On a lighter note…..
Neeeed me a kitten. Promise, no llamas, but there may be origami shapes and screaming guitar solos (Max will cover that…)
Elle’s last blog post..So I Sent Chuck to Wal-Mart
I am an avid fan of kittens… I have a pact with my college roommate that should we both be unmarried at the age of 35 (you know, back when we were young and naive and thought that 35 was old… boy, were we naive); that we would move in together, adopt lots of cats, scare small children, and be known as the crazy cat ladies. I don’t want to tell you how close we are to realizing that pact might actually have to come to fruition. I should probably start adopting cats now…
Singular Girl’s last blog post..Hitting the Cocktail Circuit
I can almost picture you (but not quite!) preparing to imitate a giant gorilla in a scientific fashion:
JD, in front of full length mirror, posing like a giant ape:
“Ooh – oo – oo – oo- ooh -ahh- ahh- ahh… no, no, no. This is all wrong. Where is that copy of “Gorillas in the Mist”?”
Tim’s last blog post..Workplace Violence Just Doesn’t Work For Me
When Mom runs at me making monster noises, I run right back at her. Once when I was a kitten we were playing this very game, and she had to unwind me from her head hair.
Just be careful, is what I’m sayin’ …
Prudence is a real cutie!
Luxor’s last blog post..I see stars …
Your Pru looks just like our Seamus — except when he was but a wee kitten. I don’t think he’d like anything you did to Pru either (not that I blame her
…I’d add to the list, though, for Seamus what he likes: peeing and pooping. He must like it, because he sure does it enough, and it’s never a sweet-smelling poo either, let me tell you. It’s what The Wife calls a “stinky poo” and rightfully so.
unfinishedrambler’s last blog post..Forget all that you see, it’s not reality, it’s just a fantasy (football league)
Awwwww, teh wittle kitteh is sooooo kewt!
I can’t believe she doesn’t like her ears folded into origami shapes, JD. Maybe she’s a throwback.
Jenny’s last blog post..Greenville On Monday, Charlotte On Tuesday …
I love Prudence! You know what my cats hate more than the British ambulance siren? When I scream “A new car!!!” just like the announcer does on The Price is Right. Sends them all running upstairs, except for my elder cat, who can’t move that fast. She just gives me the stink eye.
Cat. I’m a kitty cat. And I meow, meow, meow. Love that video. It’s strangely addictive.
Kathy’s last blog post..Plastic Bag Update
I have found that if you get a kitten young enough (as I did many, many moons ago) you can, indeed, get said kitten to tolerate origami ear folding.
It will take tenacity and patience on the owner’s part and de-clawing on the kitten’s part — hey, every party needs to compromise if we’re going to have a win-win situation.
Regarding the big toe in her mouth as she yawns, I think you might have to consider tooth extraction, if you’re serious about the talent.
cardiogirl’s last blog post..The book of questions, Volume 9
Uhh, you seem to have lots of fun with your new kitty
Ana’s last blog post..Photo Hunt – String(s)
Llamas? where has the kitteh bumped into a llama? Personally I don’t know how people live without cats/kittehs – what do they do for laughs. I also have “amused” my kittehs with some of those same antics – they weren’t thrilled either.
Broadwaymatron’s last blog post..One click leads to another – literary leap-frog
Regan: That’s an excellent suggestions. And it just so happens that Saturday night is Catnip Night! So Prudence will be rewarded for her efforts.
Stephanie in KY: I love that your dog sticks his nose in your mouth! Does he try to howl along? I haven’t tried any other songs with Prudence, but I think anything with a screaming, squealing guitar solo would work.
Babs – beetle: Ohhhh! I would LOVE to have seen Livvie playing guitar! Aren’t cats smart? Poor Sukie. She sounds like Gus. He’s afraid of plastic bags and hats.
Elle: Max sounds like an excellent kitten researcher. You simply MUST get a kitten as soon as possible. Once Max gets a little older, who’s going to keep you up at night?
Singular Girl: My ambition in life is to be a crazy cat lady, even tho I am married (to a crazy cat man). It’s a very worthwhile goal, in my opinion.
Tim: HA! Yeah, there are a lot of subtleties involved in accurately imitating a gorilla. I kept finding myself doing a chimp instead.
Luxor: Thank you for the advice. Prudence can take of herself, too. I often have to unwind her from my head hair even when I haven’t been making monster noises!
unfinished rambler: Oh, I love the name “Seamus” for a cat! And . . . sounds like Seamus has quite a lot in common with Prudence. I should’ve added “stinky pooping” to the list, because she is very good at it. And she loves to pop into the box whenever we’re cleaning it and demonstrate how good she can poop.
Jenny: Hee! It’s weird, isn’t it? All my other cats very much enjoy having their ears folded. She’s definitely a strange one.
Kathy: I’m going to try “A NEW CAR!” with Pru and see what happens. My guess is she won’t like it much either. She’ll probably run AND give me the stink eye.
cardiogirl: Maybe I didn’t start the ear origami young enough. We got her when she was only 2 months old, but I didn’t start some of these practices until a few weeks ago. And, she still has her baby teeth, so my big toe is relatively safe. For now.
Ana: Yes, I do! She’s an endless source of entertainment. I have to get all my research done before she grows up.
Broadwaymatron: I know. I never know what to do when I go to a catless house. I’m always looking around: where are the cats? What do we talk about?
I giggled through this entire post, because I have three cats of my own who hate it when I run at them in a fast shuffle without lifting my feet off the floor, when anyone gets an impromptu thermometer up the bum, when I put the toilet paper roll on backwards so that they can’t run against it to unravel it, and when I splash them with water from the bathtub.
schmutzie’s last blog post..Dig In
I wish I could think of something witty to say, but I have got to go try that burrito thing with my kitty RIGHT NOW!
kathcom’s last blog post..Salvation: Just an Email Away!
I never realized you were so talented–imitating the street cleaner, the siren, gorillas….
Meg’s last blog post..Rubbers in The Son’s Drawer and Other Found Sh*t
Why on earth would you try to fit the kitten’s head in your mouth?
The Hawg’s last blog post..The conventions are over, so now what?
From the top photo, it looks like your kitty doesn’t like to be photographed. Neither does mine.
dcr’s last blog post..Elect Me!
schmutzie: AH! The fast shuffle without lifting the feet. I forgot that one! I haven’t tried the thermometer or the toilet paper experiments yet, so I will add those to the list. Pru actually likes water being splashed on her—so I’m doing some more extensive research into that one.
kathcom: Please come back and let me know your results! I’d like to find out if there are any cats out there who actually like the Burrito Test.
Meg: Yeah, see what you find out? And all in the name of science . . . Kitten Science!
The Hawg: Because I CAN!
dcr: No! She doesn’t! But it was necessary for the research. What you don’t see are the 56 other photos I had to take for proper documentation.
Hahaha! This is great! All 6 of my cats would have to agree with your lists.
Karen C.’s last blog post..Riley Helps Drain the Aquarium
great job. love reading all your post. however, this one is the cutest thing ever.
Yes, Sukie is a scaredy-cat, although she is slowly improving with some things. She DOES let me fold her ears into origami shapes though ;O)
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..On a lighter note…..
Karen C.: Thanks! Six cats! You are my idol! And may I say, it’s quite rare to have as many as six cats agree on ANYthing! You are very lucky.
Laura: Thank you so much. It’s hard to go wrong with a kitten post. This one was a lot of fun.
Babs – beetle: Well, the origami thing is pretty important, so we should feel grateful for that. You can work your way up to the British siren, but perhaps Sukie is already used to that?
Your dislikes were freaking hilarious. I cannot stand when someone puts their big toe in my mouth when I yawn.
Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Going Down the Drain
Florida Girl in Sydney: It’s annoying, isn’t it? Especially if they (I) haven’t trimmed their toenails in a while.
OMG, you are so funny. Just what I needed this afternoon. Now if you could just give me something to stay awake, I’ll be all set.
Fancy’s last blog post..Update on Horhay and Esther
Fancy: Oh, thank you. I have to give all the credit to Prudence, however. Say, I could give you Prudence! She keeps me awake—every night!
Seamus (Yeah, its the same Seamus– Unfinishedrambler and me are his mommy and daddy) also doesn’t care for hair metal bands of the 80s. When I come home and Himself is doing some sort of tortured dance to an Aldo Nova song that will STAY IN MY HEAD FOR A WEEK, Seamus is usually somewhere nearby, his ears turning about like radar dishes, looking put out.
Seamus likes to poop, but what he likes even better is to sit and supervise the Changing of the Litter, followed by a hop into the box that has moments ago been aerated, baking soda-d, and raked like a Zen garden for a pee that sounds like his bladder occupies the back third of his body. He even makes that ‘Ahhhhhh, refreshing’ face while he does it.
Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..One More Step Toward Bleak Midwinter
Shieldmaiden96: Aldo Nova! Wow, that takes me back. And our cats love a freshly cleaned litterbox, too. It amazes me how quickly Prudence will jump in the box, only in her case, it’s the stinkiest poo in the world. Was she saving that? She looks like, “Look at me! I know how to poo!” Yay.
Wow, are you funny or just incredibly inspired by your cat?! Consider yourself bookmarked..
Very good blog concept. You get 100 very good entries like this and you send them to a publisher/literary agent. Better, just send your best 10 right now, including this one. Erma Bombeck is somewhere having a laugh over you, with Hunter Thompson, assuming they have net access.
Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations’s last blog post..Zodiac Matches for Men Born Under the Pig Sign
How awesome that you wrote this and I read it. Lol… Allow me to explain:
New Roommate really wants a pet for our new place. Since my mother has dog-napped my babies and has decided to keep them for herself, which is fine since they like her better anyway, I got on board with New Roommate.
So we are planning to hit the local shelter where I shall adopt myself a feline! Exciting, yes? I will be getting my second cat ever and saving a life too! Double yay.
Thankfully you have armed me with a fine list of what I can expect my new kitty to dislike. So thank you for that. I will now refrain from trying to fit kitty’s head in my mouth or gagging kitty with my big toe when he/she yawns.
Excellent.
Corrina’s last blog post..In Memory…
Chinese Zodiac Marriage Combinations: Your name is very spammy, but your comment is delicious! And now, to answer your question: I think it’s safe to say that I’m inspired my a funny cat. Wow, you really think Hunter Thompson is laughing at my blog? That’s quite a thought!
Corrina: YAY! I’m so happy to hear about your about-to-be pet. You WILL blog about it, won’t you? With LOTS of pictures. Boy, the timing of my post couldn’t have been better. You’d have been totally CLUELESS about the likes and dislikes of kittens!
My wacky cat has a new habit…letting go of a big sneeze right in my face as he sits on my chest. Oh how I hate that.
banquet manager’s last blog post..Which Waiter Would You Rather Have?
banquet manager: You’ll want to nip that right in the bud. From now on, sneeze in your CAT’S face, and see how HE likes it. Well, it worked for me.
strange cat. who doesn’t like being rolled up into a blanket burrito?
kouji’s last blog post..captivating Capiz, a haiku poem
kouji: I know, right? My other cat loves it. I think . . .
Doesn’t your kitty like playing with wires? Mine always did!
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”‘s last blog post..Harry’s Electric Heater Collection & My New Heater
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”: You know, it’s funny: Neither of our cats are that interested in wires. Now, Rudy, my brother’s cat, has pretty much chewed through every electrical cord in the house!
Kittens are cute – but they have this weird tendency to try their hands, no, paws at world domination now and then. Thats what worries me.
Binny V A’s last blog post..Photography, Cochin and Blogcamp
Binny V A: Hmmm. You have certainly provided some food for thought. I never suspected that Garfield was sending out code!
Hahahaha! I like your style for sure! Subscribed and practically in love with your blog already. can’t wait to read more, cheers!
Wayne: Thanks for stopping by—and subscribing! Always happy to welcome a new reader. I enjoyed checking out your blog, too. You’ve got some good blogging resources. Welcome!
You thought I was going to research your cat, so you did it for me? Unfortunately you were misled.
Aaron: KITTEN! Not cat, you silly goose. Let’s just say I anticipated your as-yet unknown desire to research my kitten.
Our cat has very similar dislikes, but one of the things she hates most is when we need to get up while she’s lying on us. She digs the claws in and absolutely doesn’t want to move.
.-= Elander´s last blog ..Different Types of Teacup Kittens =-.
Haha, that kitten looks so cute! I really want to get one now, my uncle’s cat had kittens so I can get one for free. I am pretty sure I will have to wait though, my roommate is allergic, so all I can do now is read blog posts and feel jealous!
What?! Prudence doesn’t like goats?
I am quite upset and not sure I will make it through the day.
.-= Pricilla´s last blog ..And The Winner Is…… =-.
Elander: I think our cats have suction cups attached to their undersides, because in bed at night, we roll and flip and toss and turn, and they somehow stay anchored in place.
Amanda: Don’t feel too jealous! Kittens are a handful . . . but totally worth it. So, yeah. Do feel jealous.
Pricilla: No, no! Pru loves goats! It’s llamas she’s not too sure about.