[Edited to add: I am an idiot. Thank you to Junk Drawer Kathy for dragging around that damn video camera and filming my reading. I had such a blast and can’t imagine BlogHer without you.]

[Edited AGAIN: I am a dumbass royale. Kathy not only filmed the video, she is the one who suggested the "Concussion" post and persuaded me to submit it. NONE of this would've happened without her.]

Well, you didn’t think I was going to do it without my anxiety meds, didya?

Because that wasn’t going to happen, my friends.

So while I was talkative and receptive and vivacious and “on” for most of the wonderful BlogHer experience, there was a brief period, about an hour before the Keynote, when this happened:

A Drugged-Up JD Wanders Around Aimlessly, Looking for Her Free Poken and Saying Stuff

Part 1 (1:34)

Part 2 (0:16)

Part 3 (0:36)

But amazingly, I pulled it together, because then THIS happened:

Click here to watch JD Share Her Post “I Faked a Concussion So You Don’t Have To”

Did you see what I did there? I didn’t read my post. I TOLD it. I worked hard to memorize it, because I felt it wouldn’t be as funny if I read it. Still, I was nervous, because telling rather than reading means you stumble over words, forget, or blank out. But it went surprisingly well. Thank you to everyone who came up to me afterward and told me you’d had similar experiences. I’m glad I wasn’t the only faking, selfish, lying monster of a child.

That was Friday. Saturday was Tim Gunn Day. But that’s another post.



A happy JD waits for Tim Gunn


Congratulations to Maureen of I’d Rather Be Blogging, for guessing the correct post! Maureen, please visit the I Do Things store and pick out your prize!


SEE! Photos from BlogHer Day 1

SEE! Photos from BlogHer Day 2

SEE! Photos from Kathy’s Visit to Chicago


A HUGE shout-out to my fellow Keynoters, all of whom were awesome.

1. Georgia Getz of i am bossy kicks things off with some poetry: Dr. Seuss’ ode to a Blog Conference

2. Issa of Issas Crazy World blogs about her Uncle Marky

3. Karen Walrond of Chookoloonks reads Reflections on why the election of Barack Obama affected me so deeply

4. Sheri Reed of Today Is Pretty speaks on making amends

5. JD of I Do Things So You Don’t Have To tells BlogHer I Faked a Concussion

6. Mike Adamick of Cry It Out asks, Don’t all kids play in vacant warehouses?

7. Pam Mandel of Nerd’s Eye View has the Wheelie Suitcase Blues

8. Amy Turn Sharp of doobleh-vay ruminates On September 3rd 1973, at 6:28pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute landed on Rue St Vincent, Montmartre

9. Black Hockey Jesus of Wind in Your Vagina talks to his daughter with 5

10. Danielle Henderson of Knotty Yarn gets stuck in the middle with you

11. Tanis Miller, the Redneck Mommy, announces Dear Internet, I’m Placing You on Notice

12. Tarrant Figlio of Retro Food sings a Love Song in a Foreign Language

13. Grace Davis of State of Grace finds Forgiveness where it belongs

14. Melissa Ford of Stirrup Queens tells a story of Updating the Donation Room Porn

15. Pauline Edwards of Classy Chaos explores Finding my place in the world, as an immigrant

16. Wendi Aarons of Wendi Aarons confesses her Coke dependency

17. Nina Gotua of Laughs! Thrills! Pathos! opens Memory box 1

18. Kelly Graham-Scherer of Don Mills Diva says Privacy? Schmivacy

19. Corynne Corbett of That Black Girl Site looks at what happens When White Women Become Experts on Michelle Obama’s (And Our) Hair

20. Catherine Conners of Her Bad Mother pays tribute to a Lost Boy

21. Finishing the evening, Heather Spohr of The Spohrs Are Multiplying reads Known


Thank you again to Fiona from Bantering Blonde and StartPoken for the free Poken.

And thank you, Ree, from The Pioneer Woman, for sending me the above photo.

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60 Responses to “I “Read” at BlogHer (Drugged)”

  1. 1 Sheri

    i say, go anxiety meds! and you were awesome. very impressed by the memorization. nice meeting you and will see you around.

  2. 2 Wendi

    Hey, JD! It was lovely to meet you & you were awesome during your “Telling.” I had no idea you were drugged. :)



  3. 3 Patricia

    As a lifelong public speaking teacher, let me say you intuitively did the right thing by “telling” rather than reading your speech. We call this extemporaneous speaking and it is always better than reading! Bravo! I wish I could have heard you.

  4. 4 GoingLikeSixty

    Don’t mean to bust any of your commenters, but since your video is set to “private” *ahem* …

    I would like to actually watch it.

  5. 5 Stephanie

    I had no doubt you’d do wonderfully. Good post. When it comes to guessing which one, there was just so much material to work with, really, I don’t know how you chose just one.

  6. 6 cryitout

    You nailed it! It was so great to meet you!

  7. 7 Regan

    Looks like you had fun! :)

  8. 8 maggie, dammit

    I adore you.

  9. 9 absepa

    Great job! I would never have known that you were drugged. And you weren’t kidding about having perfect teeth…I’m jealous. (On a side note: Am I the only one who thinks “poken” sounds kind of dirty?)

  10. 10 Maureen

    That was AWESOME JD! I so wish I could have been there, but this was the next best thing. You were great. I was thinking about you all weekend.

    Way to go Kathy for allowing us all to laugh… well done.

    Yay!!!! I WON!!!! Holy crap! I get an “I Do Things” thingy!!! Now I just have to decide what thingy that shall be. (Off to shop now…)

    Thank you so much!

  11. 11 Kathy

    Videographer and Fellow BlogHer Attendee Kathy here. I just want to add that people didn’t just come up to JD to say they had a similar experience. They came up to her to tell her how much they loved her, her blog concept, her story, and how much she rocked it up there. I could never in a million years face a thousand people and give as relaxed and funny a post “reading” without vomiting on the podium. JD, I still can’t get over that you didn’t read from a pile of papers. Kudos, my friend. Kudos!

    Now can we get back to talkin’ about Tim Gunn?

  12. 12 Jeff

    Hysterical! - NY Times

    Delivered with the skill of an expert deliverer! - Washington Post

    I busted a gut!!! - Celebrity blogger Jeff Lee

    The reviews are in JD… you were a hit! Great job… congratulations!

  13. 13 JD

    Sheri: Thank you! It was great meeting you, too. I’m looking forward to going thru all my biz cards and checking out all the wonderful bloggers I met.

    Wendi: Thanks so much! You were awesomer — and you did it without drugs (I’m assuming?) Anyway, glad I got to meet you and share the Keynote experience with you.

    Patricia: That’s good to know! And I’m not dissing the other readers. I just felt my particular post would’ve suffered from being read. They all did a fantastic job.

    GoingLikeSixty: HA! Busted. Tho, to be fair, no one has actually said they watched the video. Regardless, thanks for letting me know. That was kind of embarrassing.

    Stephanie: Thank you, Stephanie. I appreciate your kind words. It was actually Junk Drawer Kathy who suggested that post and persuaded me to submit it. I guess she made a pretty good choice!

    cryitout: Hey, you, too! So glad to have met you, and if you noticed, I did flub a word or two. That was all for you.

    Regan: We sure did. Your Aunt Kathy is one fun, fantastic lady.

    maggie, dammit: Returned in triplicate.

    absepa: No, “Poken” definitely sounds dirty. And I didn’t want to say anything, but I never did use it, as cute as it is. Maybe next year. Thanks for the nice comment.

    Maureen: CONGRATULATIONS! There were a lot of good guesses, but you nailed it. So many wonderful I Do Things products await you. Which will you pick??? (Oh, and thank you!)

    Kathy: I don’t know how many more times I’ll have to edit my post to truly get across how amazing you are, and how much I appreciate not only your camera skills but your support, sense of humor, and just general doggone fun-ness this whole weekend. So thank you for THAT and for this awesome comment. Oh, Tim Gunn! How I’ve neglected you!

    Jeff: HA! All those reviews are meaningless, except, of course, for the one from that famous humor blogger, Jeff Somebody. His opinion means everything to me. Thank you.

  14. 14 CatLadyLarew

    A great story and a great telling of it. Now I know exactly how to fake a concussion! (Just in case I need to get some attention… like always.)

  15. 15 babs - beetle

    That was a great video! Well, the content was great too ;O) You were just like a pro – well done!!

    And that photo was taken by The Pioneer Woman? No wonder it is such a lovely photo!

  16. 16 Grace

    You are so pretty!

  17. 17 Unfinished Rambler

    I said this to Kathy earlier, but it applies to you also: You rock! I think I actually was crying a little when I watched it. Okay, just a little, but they were tears of joy. Glad you and Kathy and all the ladies had such a great time out there in Chicago. My wife would like to go next year. Maybe with it being in New York, she might go.

  18. 18 Daisy the Curly Cat

    You’re a natural! It was awesome! You didn’t seem even a tiny bit nervous. And you had good hair, too.

  19. 19 Kathy

    OMG. Laughing my head off at your first rambling video about the Poken. “Gladberries?” God, I cannot imagine what was going through your head an hour before your reading. I would have been under a table sucking my thumb and calling for my mommy. Or, in the absence of that, a double vodka and a Valium.

    “I want my Poken. I don’t know what it is, but I want one!”

    Oh, JD. You kill me.

  20. 20 kathryn

    Absolutely hilarious….and I agree that you were so brave speaking in front of all those people. HOWEVER, whatever possessed you to fess up to your mom? My sisters and I have often ruminated about telling my dad a few things we did as teens, but decided it wasn’t worth the hell (and Italian/Cuban) curse he’d undoubtedly put on us. Great post!

  21. 21 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    JD – You so totally rocked the house. I was also witness to seeing people come up to you at that conference to tell you how much they loved your keynote – woo hoo!!!! I’m just glad you took drugs so I didn’t have to.

    It was soooooo faboo to meet you! You are even more awesome in person!


  22. 22 Lola

    AWESOME! I’m still upset I didn’t get to see it live!

    Kathy rocks for the great videography!

  23. 23 flit

    I can’t wait to watch the video – but I have to wait cuz hubby’s watching TV and I’m not allowed to turn my sound on while he is watching TV because TV is just THE most important thing in the world, don’t you know LOL

    Will make sure I get to watch it before the TV gets turned on tomorrow though

  24. 24 Issa

    I still feel like I should bow down to you. Memorized post…shaking my hand. :)

    You did a wonderful job. Truly.

  25. 25 Puglette

    OMG!! Look at you on the big screen! you looked mahvelous, baby!
    you looked so relaxed up on the stage. hooray for anxiety meds! i love mine. :o) ollie didn’t even bark at you while watching the video with me, that is a big deal..he barks at most videos unless it’s charlie.

    i gave all your videos a five star rating…except i still don’t know what a poken is…sounds naughty to me.
    big hugs for being brave and doing so well on stage.

  26. 26 Musingwoman

    Great story well told, or in my teenage daughter’s words “Awesome Sauce!!”

  27. 27 dcr

    Good job. Now you just need a book deal and a speaking tour. ;)

  28. 28 JD

    CatLadyLarew: Thank you! And yes, just follow my example, and you’ll win yourself an overnight stay in the hospital. I didn’t get my head bandage, but I did get lots of attention.

    babs – beetle: Thanks, Babs! I was thrilled to get that photo from none other than the Pioneer Woman. And I’m pretty sure I met her, too, tho I didn’t realize it at the time (pounds head into desk).

    Grace: Winner of Best Comment Ever Award! Seriously, thank you. That’s very nice of you to say.

    Unfinished Rambler: Oops, I already gave away the Best Comment Ever Award (above). What a nice thing to say! Tears of joy. How kind you are. I SO hope your wifey can go next year. I’d love to meet her — and YOU, because, don’t forget: BlogHer is for men, too.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Thanks, Daisy! Yes, the hair was important. It didn’t start out looking too good, but it sort of worked itself out. I was VERY nervous beforehand, but luckily it all disappeared once I got up there.

    Kathy: HAHAHA! Thanks for enduring those stupid videos. Filming myself wandering around the hotel lobby was strangely calming, even if I failed to show off the river and my pink “sparkle” top.

    kathryn: Thank you so much! Well, my Mom is fairly mild-mannered (no curses!) and I really did think she’d find it funny. She did not. She truly was pissed, and I immediately regretted it. Oh, well. At least it was good blog fodder!

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): WOOOO! SO freaking awesome to meet you and hang out with you. And you know I’ll ALWAYS take drugs so you don’t have to — you don’t even have to ask. XOXOXOXOXXO!!!!111eleven!

    Lola: I wish you could’ve been there — not just to see ME but to see EVERYone. Didn’t Kathy do a great job? Seriously, hers was better than some of the “official” videos I saw. It meant the world to me that she was willing to drag around the camera, worry about charging it, and then have to deal with filming when she probably would’ve rathered just watching. Kudos to Kathy!

    flit: Oh, and you definitely need to watch with the sound on. HA! I understand.

    Issa: It was so nice meeting you and sharing the Keynote experience with you. And you were so brave and did such a great job! Yeah, I may have memorized it, but I messed up, too. And really, my particular post wouldn’t have gone over very well if I’d read it. But yours DID. It was so moving.

    Puglette: Ollie didn’t bark? That’s the highest compliment I could ever get!!! Yes, hooray for anxiety meds, right? Not sure I could’ve done this without ‘em. Thanks so much for rating my silly videos and thanks even more for the hugs.

    Musingwoman: “Awesome Sauce”! HA! I love it. And I’m stealing it. Did I mention it was awesome sauce meeting you? Well, it was.

    dcr: Right! Who wants to hire me?!

  29. 29 Maureen

    JD, since you look so awesome with your IDT tote bag, may I get one for my prize? I love it and would love to tote it around too!

  30. 30 Shelly

    We met you in the elevator and I was floored to learn you’d memorized your post. You were fabulous!!!

  31. 31 Jen

    It looked like so much fun, with or without the anxiety meds. What a great time you and Kathy had. I hope to go next year where I can meet all you guys in person. Thanks for all the new blogs to read!

  32. 32 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    So, now that you did so great, got a free Poken and didn’t trip walking onto or off of the stage, or your words AND now that all of it is behind you, how’d you like being on the Jumbo-tron? I think that would be the scariest part for me!

  33. 33 Jenn Thorson

    Holy heck, you did a LOT so we wouldn’t have to! And it looks like you had a terrific time doing it! I’m glad BlogHer was such a blast. Congrats to you, JD!

    (PS- your hair looks terrific! :) )

  34. 34 Pricilla

    I will have to come back to watch as the hubby is listening to radio on the computer as I type. What is it with hubbies?

    Congratulations on you rousing success!

  35. 35 Bingo

    It was good that you did not read your speak because it’s better when you tell it instead read it, you did it excellent, congratulations!

  36. 36 Anne

    You did such an amazing job. I am hoping you ill read at BlogHer next year so I don’t have to. I am going in 2010 and I would love to see you read.

  37. 37 The Hawg!

    Yay! Good for you!

    Considering the shape you were in during the “before” videos, your presentation was nothing short of impressive.

    I hate public speaking. I have to do it a lot. I’ll probably always hate it.

  38. 38 Preston

    I was over at the Junk Drawer and Kathy insisted I stop by to see your Awesomeness. It’s so cool to see that you are now a famous, You Tube blogger! It looks like you had a big old blast! And what a great post to read, too. I love Chicago and I wish I was there. Next year I hear it’s in NYC and I may just have to crash it!

  39. 39 Secret Agent Mama

    You got my text but too late.. A Mishi is ME!! That’s my nickname. You will find that out, in time..

    Loved watching you read. See you on the Twitter!

  40. 40 NaTuRaL

    just watched. great job up there. it looked like it was a lot of fun. i was looking at the one for next year since it’s in NY, then i read that you have to pay to go and i was immediately turned off. darn my cheap ***!

  41. 41 why?

    Hysterical, the who thing… love the Poken search and your faking a concussion so I don’t have too. I appreciate that!

  42. 42 Lena

    Oh my goodness, you are adorable times a billion! As a fellow person-who-has-difficulty-speaking-in-public, I respect and admire you. As someone who would do anything to meet Tim Gunn, I am totally jealous. Although I don’t know that I could speak in his presence (anything I said would, I’m sure, come out as a string of excited squeals and squeaks.) So if you were able to SPEAK to him…man…I may need to start some sort of JD-worshipping movement…

  43. 43 JD

    Maureen: YES! And thank you! And also congratulations again! The totebag is a good choice, if only because I can personally attest to its durability and roominess. And cuteness. It’s on its way!

    Shelly: WOO! Thank you so much! I was a little floored too. Someone was smiling down on me that day, for sure. I remember you! Looking forward to checking out your blog.

    Jen: Yes, there are some great ones there. I hope you can go to BlogHer next year (hell, I hope I can afford to register before they sell out!). I’d love to meet you and spend some time with you.

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: HA! When I saw that, I felt a little sick to my stomach. But luckily I couldn’t see it from the podium, so I could just pretend it wasn’t there — much like I pretended the audience of 1,000 people wasn’t there.

    Jenn Thorson: Thank you, Jen! Yeah, it was a lot of fun, and I was more than happy to do all that stuff for you guys. I’m so glad I went, and encourage anyone thinking about going next year to DO IT!

    Pricilla: Thank you! Yeah, hubbies of the world, get it together? Can’t your wives enjoy a little JD in the evening? Geez.

    Bingo: Thanks so much. I agree that for my own post, it was better to try to tell it. But the other readers were amazing, and their posts were excellent.

    Anne: You decided to go?! That’s awesome! I doubt I’ll be reading (but maybe Kathy will?!), but I’ll definitely look forward to meeting you.

    The Hawg!: It’s a shame you have to speak when you hate it. I don’t think I’d mind it too much, as long as I can be heavily medicated.

    Preston: HAHAHA! Nah, not famous. At least . . . not YET! Thanks for stopping by. It was really fun and you HAVE to go next year. I wanna meet you!

    Secret Agent Mama: Oh, no! I’m sorry I missed that! Better luck next year, I hope. TWEET!

    NaTuRaL: Maybe you can volunteer or offer to go as a sponsor? Weren’t you peddling some bottled water a while back? Anyway, yeah, it as a blast. Start saving your pennies, ‘cuz I would love to meet your cheap ***.

    why?: Well, thank you! The Poken search was fun. I’m glad I recorded it, ‘cuz I don’t even remember it.

    Lena: Oh, my GOD, thank you, you awesome person! But hold up on the JD worshipping, because I’m pretty sure I was only able to manage some squeaks and squeals in front of Tim. Oh, but wait. I did manage to ask for a hug. And I got it.

  44. 44 Florida Girl In Sydney

    I just watched the videos on youtube. YOU. WERE. GREAT! And you are so pretty and cute! I wish I could have been there, it must have been so great to meet so many bloggers and people you “know” online.

    Congrats on your fantastic job at Blogher! Great job.

  45. 45 Jay

    You did great! I was STUNNED that you were telling not reading! I was just soooo impressed! I would have blanked so often you’d have thought I’d been struck down with early Alzheimers!

    Well done you!

  46. 46 fiona

    I’m so glad we found each other! LOL I remember you walking around with that video cam and thinking, “I wonder what the heck she is video taping herself for” !?! And I have to say you did an excellent job speaking, very well done!

  47. 47 KC


    YOU were so awesome – It was a refreshing difference to hear someone really tell the story and not read it. Your delivery was totally pro. So jealous. I hate you.

    No, really, I was totally impressed. And YES Tim Gunn. That you hugged. Getting jealous again. Better be going now.

    Wish we could have met in person. Alas. Did we? Crap.

    Speaking of meds…

    p.s. loved Jeff’s comment!

  48. 48 Lin

    I’m so freaking jealous that I couldn’t go that I can’t stand it! And I LIVE in Chicago!! Yeah, great time to plan vacation, eh??

    Glad you had fun and you did a GREAT job speaking up there. Wow! I’m impressed that you were chosen.

    As for Tim Gunn–don’t you just love that guy?? He’s just like you want him to be–charming, sweet, genuine, and handsome. I may have to run my photo with him yet another time just because I want to re-live the moment. Sigh. Oh, I wish I had been there.

    Boo hoo. Boo hoo. I’m glad you had fun, even if I wasn’t there. :(

  49. 49 Jenny Henderson

    this is toooo funny! you were fantastic! ever consider a career in standup?

  50. 50 burlesque performer

    stumbled accross your blog!.. but so glad I did!!.. wow your a very intresting woman!.. keep up the good blogging!

  51. 51 JD

    Florida Girl In Sydney: Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou! Can I just say, I am so relieved it’s over. The speaking part. The rest of it I want to relive over and over.

    Jay: I can’t believe I didn’t blank. It’s almost like a switch just turned on and off I went. Because I blanked and stumbled and messed up PLENTY when I practiced for my husband. Someone was looking out for me!

    fiona: HA! I’m glad we found each other too. In my state, I’m surprised I didn’t walk out the door and into the river. Thank you again for the Poken, which is so cute.

    KC: Why, thank you! (Except for the hate part.) I’m not sure if we met. I don’t think so, based on what I saw of your blog. Maybe next year. I hope so! (Isn’t Jeff a hoot?!)

    Lin: Argh! You should’ve been there. It was awesome, and I wish I could just keep blogging about it, but I think people are probably getting sick of it. Oh, Tim Gunn. Yes, he was everything I dreamed he’d be and more. He showed up early! He let me hug him! Oh, man.

    Jenny Henderson: HI JENNY! Thank you, and no. I’d be a wreck, and I don’t think my liver could stand the amount of pills I’d have to take. But this was a lot of fun. If BlogHer wants to ask me back . . .

    burlesque performer: Thank you!

  52. 52 MomZombie

    Late to the game here, but hey! great job on the speaking engagement. I feel slightly cheated, however, since I saw no sign of a goiter and not even a hint of a vomiting.
    I have no designs on going to BlogHer: too shy, too obscure a blogger, not into women-only events, but, I’d have gone just to meet you and some of the other humor bloggers I follow.
    BTW, I think your post on meeting your neighbor was perfection.

  53. 53 JD

    MomZombie: Oh, thank you so much. BlogHer can be quite overwhelming to those of us who aren’t that outgoing or sociable, but it was SO worth it to me to meet some of the bloggers I “know” and admire. I’d love to meet you next year at BlogHer! Or maybe something smaller? I’m sorry there was no puking. I felt like the goiter was pretty noticeable, but that’s just me. If you’re expecting one of those third-world goiters, you’re going to be disappointed.

  54. 54 jennyonthespot

    You rocked it, my friend! And Yay Kathy for the video! She was so cute… all nervouse for you and whatnot. She was nervous so you didn’t have to be, but cha were, but I couldn’t tell.

    And you memorized your post? *jaw dropped* You’re amazing, so I don’t have to :)

    P.S. Thanks for showing us your Poken :)

  55. 55 JD

    jennyonthespot: Why, thank you! Yes, I was nervous, Kathy was nervous, most of the people backstage were nervous. There was plenty of nervous to go around. I didn’t plan to memorize my post, but it just kind of happened. And you know I’d never tease you and NOT show you my Poken!

  56. 56 Deb on the Rocks

    You were so fantastic! The Keynote was the best part of BlogHer, by far!

  57. 57 JD

    Deb on the Rocks: Thank you! I saw you from afar—as moderator at one of the panels. I had not heard of you, but I know you now! The Keynote was really fun, and I was so lucky to be a part of it. Hope to see/meet you next year!

  58. 58 DrowseyMonkey

    woohoo! I’m so very impressed! I could never do anything like that. You did amazingly well. Great story too, lol

  59. 59 JD

    DrowseyMonkey: Aw, thank you. I appreciate that. Believe me, I NEVER thought I’d be able to do it, but somehow it just happened. Now I wanna do it again!

  1. 1 The Junk Drawer » 10 Things I Learned on My Chicago BlogHer Trip


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