The above picture created quite a stir on my Facebook page recently, so I thought I’d better share it with you. Plus, 2009 has been a rough year so far, with all the earwax and eargasms, so what better way to make it up to you than with . . .
Specifically, Bacaroni and Cheese! Now with Smell-o-Vision! Because you can smell it, right? Oh, I know you can. You can taste it too, I’ll bet. Yes, it’s cheesy. Yes, it’s bacony. Yes, it may kill you, but isn’t death by bacon more dignified than, say, having a heart attack shoveling snow?
I cook one night a week for Dave—something he can stretch out for 4 to 5 days. Between my lack of kitchen skillz and Dave’s lack of imagination, the supper repertoire is fairly limited. One of the long-time favorites? Macaroni and cheese.
For a while, I was making what I like to call “Macarena and Cheese,” which called for Mexican Velveeta. But the stores stopped selling this ethnic delight, so it was back to the ol’ regular kind.
Recently, Dave has begun requesting bacon in everything I cook for him. Bacon in the quiche, bacon in the fajitas, bacon in the stir-fry. And oh, yes. Bacon in the macaroni and cheese.
Some of you may argue that bacon goes well with everything. I question the inclusion of bacon in such things as candy bars and fajitas, but Dave is adamant. “Put bacon in it.” So I do. I’d like Dave to live into his 50s at least, but who am I to argue? When it comes to bacon, there’s just no point.
(And before you start questioning my allegiance to bacon, please check this out.)
So that is how Bacaroni and Cheese came to be invented. No, Pizza Hut, I’m pretty sure I invented it.
If You Want to Shorten Your Husband’s Life with Bacaroni and Cheese
- Mke a white sauce of butter, flour, and milk. I use about 1/3 cup each of butter and flour and 2 1/2 cups of milk.
- Add seasoning (black pepper, cayenne pepper, minced onion, and a dash of worcestererestershire). Microwave for 3 minutes, stir, repeat until thick.
- Meanwhile boil a bunch of elbow macaroni (or rotini, but elbows are more traditional).
- Chop up a block of Velveeta, and when the sauce is thick, dump it in and heat again to melt cheese. Stir until smooth.
- Chop up some bacon (I use the ready-cooked kind). Add the bacon to the sauce and dump it all over the macaroni. Bake for about 45 minutes at 350.
- Optional: saute a block of butter and add a mess of breadcrumbs. Sprinkle butter-ensoaked breadcrumbs over the top.
- Serve with a green vegetable and gastric bypass kit.
I tried making a healthy version with skim milk, lite Velveeta, lite butter, and whole wheat macaroni. With no bacon. Needless to say, it sucked.
These people will put bacon in anything.