I’ll admit I’m fairly suggestible when it comes to other people’s illnesses. If someone has a cold, I start to sniffle. If someone suffers from gout, my foot throbs. If someone has erectile dysfunction, I have phantom penis pain. If someone has a worm in her brain . . . (passes out)
Yeah, you heard me. Some poor lady went in for tests after experiencing numbness and blurred vision. What did her MRI reveal? To quote the neurosurgeon: “something not good.” Why does a neurosurgeon speak like Daisy the Curly Cat? Never mind. The doctor, expecting to find a tumor, supposedly “chuckled” after the surgery. WHY??? Because he found a worm, not a tumor. This doctor laughed at a brain worm because he was “so pleased to know that it wasn’t going to be something terrible.” So, according to our medical community, a brain tumor is terrible (agreed), but a brain worm is hilarious.
Not to me, it isn’t. Here’s the way I see it:
You have a brain tumor. That’s very bad news, no getting around it. You’re devastated, but you seek medical help. You have an experienced doctor, a great support system, an optimistic attitude. Maybe you do some online research to learn more about your condition. You undergo chemotherapy, surgery, other treatments, and with luck and time and possibly prayer, you make a full recovery.
You have a worm in your brain. You stick a barbecue skewer in your ear to get it out. You die. Who’s laughing now?
Because wouldn’t you just immediately HAVE to stick something in your ear if you thought there was a worm in there? Ask ANYone what they’d do in this situation, and I bet you, nine out of ten people will answer “Stick (random long, sharp object) into my ear.” You wouldn’t calmly go to a doctor, sit in a waiting room, leaf through People magazine, wait for MRI results, all the time knowing that a worm was inching around your brain. You’d HAVE to get that worm out NOW.
Obviously this woman didn’t know she had a worm in her brain. And, lucky for her, it was removed, and she’ll be fine. Wait. No. FINE? How can you ever be fine after that? How do you live with a brain that had a worm in it?
How to Tell If You Have a Worm in Your Brain
Numbness, blurred vision, seizures, even headaches are all signs that you may have a worm in your brain. I would add to this list the distinct sensation of a WORM crawling through your BRAIN! I had a headache last week, so I’ll be sharpening my barbecue skewer.
Hold on! Do me a favor: Ask your friends what they’d do if they had a worm in their brain. Report back to me. I’d be interested in knowing if there are better tools than a barbecue skewer.
(Disclaimer: JD in no way means to imply that a brain worm is somehow worse than a brain tumor. But it’s NOT funny, either!)