And the bulge in my big, big, big, big, big, big, big


Batman came from here

OK, so Adam Lambert didn’t win American Idol (yes, this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for a while), but recently (uh, not all that recently, I guess), Adam was on the cover of Rolling Stone. I showed the magazine to Dave, who quite appropriately rolled his eyes and wondered why he was married to a 12-year-old girl.


I told him about Adam’s performance on AI’s “Rock and/or Roll” theme night, and while there was, sadly, no Zepplinesque gong-on-fire ending during Adam’s awesome rendition of “Whole Lotta Love,” there was a whole lotta crotch. Now, suddenly, Adam’s crotch is upon us, so it’s time to talk about it.

By “it,” of course, I mean the Rock Star Bulge.

After busting out my own (non-crotchy) performance of “Whole Lotta Love” in our kitchen before a slack-jawed Dave, I shoved in my Song Remains the Same DVD so I could watch Zeppelin’s live version.

Dave looked over my shoulder. “Is that your guy?”

No, that’s my original guy, THE guy, the king of Rock Star Bulges: Robert Plant, who is clearly not wearing any underpants and who is also clearly showing off his wonderfulness, which from the look of it is really NOT that much to show off but who cares?

plant bulge

Ah, the Rock Star Bulge. Every young girl had one. I mean, had one that she liked. On a rock star. Right? I’m not just making this up. Rock Star Bulges were EVERYwhere in the 70s and 80s. The RSB was parodied by Spinal Tap, and long before Glambert’s Rolling Stone cover, a Rolling Stones album cover caused some bulging controversy (that’s a real bulge, by the way).

The RSB isn’t as prevalent today. It would be a little weird and gross for a Jonas Brother to show some bulge, right? (OMG, but it HAS happened!!!) OK, then, so what about, like, Michael Buble? Or how would you like to see a giant-ass bulge on Billy Joel? Or (gags) Kenny Chesney? Wait, my fact-checker tells me Kenny Chesney shows the bulge from time to time.

So I guess the Rock Star Bulge is in fact alive and well, but perhaps taking on a different form. Therefore, let us all pay tribute, as the Rock Star Bulge is handed down from the Robert Plants to the Adam Lamberts, from the long-haired, androgynous screamers in tight blue jeans to the shorter-haired androgynous screamers in tight leather pants.

The Rock Star Bulge will never die—not as long as there are rock stars and bulges. And the girls and boys who love them.

Classic Rock Star Bulges


Who’s your favorite Rock Star Bulge?

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78 Responses to “I Pay Tribute to Rock Star Bulges”

  1. 1 Rob O.

    Ok, I have no interest in other dudes’ junk, but the first mental image that springs up is Loverboy’s Mike Reno in those skin-tight red leather pants.

    And yeah, David Lee Roth slithering around in his leather chaps is right up there too…
    .-= Rob O.´s last blog ..Dolphin-Safe Tuna – Anything But Safe =-.

  2. 2 Buggys

    Ok, I’m going to barf now at the reference to a Jonas Brothers’ RSB. Thanks JD!
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Caramel Glazed Apple Cake =-.

  3. 3 Jaffer

    I can’t come up with any Rockstar bulges but last year an obsessed Vincent D’Onofrio fan caught this:

    I wasn’t quite sure what was going on but this is what I did to make sure:

  4. 4 Daisy the Curly Cat

    I enjoy looking at some good junk. I clicked on the links, but I did not see any junk at all. We keep all of our junk in a special drawer at home. Sometimes I like to paw through it.

    “Junk” is a funny word.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Fashion Friday: A Matching Cap! =-.

  5. 5 The Incredible Woody

    With a name like mine, there are plenty of RSBs going on around here;)

    Seriously thought, I was watching music videos with my niece and that Jesse McCartney was seriously sporting some stuff!!
    .-= The Incredible Woody´s last blog ..I Am Deeply Indebted to So Many People =-.

  6. 6 expateek

    I think you probably should be looking at this. Check it out — five separate ogling opportunities…

    Not rockstars, but can’t be too choosy, can we?
    .-= expateek´s last blog ..A Russian aide-memoire =-.

  7. 7 Bingo

    The hole in the Robert Plant jeans is very tempting. WOW! You are right he is the king.

  8. 8 Jeff

    Oh no! You just made me think of Kathy’s blog name in a whole new (and undesirable) way. Thanks JD, I may never be able to stop by The Junk Drawer again.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..This is the dawning of the age of aquariums =-.

  9. 9 Jenn Thorson

    First the nekked JD photos… now a post of rock stars’ nether-regions… whatever HAS “I Do Things” come to? :)

    PS- I always laugh at the tinfoiled zucchini scene in Spinal Tap. I don’t think that would work at ALL in today’s airport security.
    .-= Jenn Thorson´s last blog ..Halloween on The Doll Lady’s Doorstep =-.

  10. 10 Stephanie Barr

    Here again is one of many indications that you’ve given me that I’m just not normal. I not only have never paid any attention to RSB’s (or any one else’s B’s, actually, other than Lee’s), it never really crossed my mind that people do. Given the occasional idiocy, of course, of fashions that make that RSB’s an automatic fallout, I have been exposed, so to speak, to RSB but, unfortunately, mostly on my daughter’s boyfriends and, girl, let me tell you, that isn’t the same.

    So, clearly, I have some sort of mental disorder where I absolutely don’t lust over the nether anatomy of men I’m not involved with. I mean, I can appreciate the physical beauty of certain famous men, but that admiration is largely limited to such useless things as hands and jaws. Given that I’m clearly a minority of one in such thinking, does that mean I get to name my own disorder?
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For SWAD: Going Abroad =-.

  11. 11 Grace

    I’m with Stephanie on this. Tho my objects of lustful admiration are eyes and mouths (and yes hands – ask us why) Plus bulging crotches don’t really say much because men, like women, enhance the bulging bits. I could go on but that would lead us into the category of TMI
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Becoming a Luddite =-.

  12. 12 Stephanie Barr

    Oh, Grace, I’m with you on the eyes as well.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For SWAD: Going Abroad =-.

  13. 13 Puglette

    ok, i have stated my preferences on this subject in the past…robert plant, roger daltrey and bruce springsteen. sigh!!!

    growing up in the san francisco bay area, i was lucky to have spent my formative years staring up at at some of the best RSB’s of the late seventies and early eighties from the front rows of concerts. i was also lucky enough to have a girlfriend that was a groupie and spent many nights backstage at shows. i have been chased out of dressing rooms by bill graham himself.

    but i wanted to share with you one of the funniest RSB’s ever…

    fee waybill as quay lude! this was the hilarious band the tubes. they were a san francisco band and my niece and i were huge fans. we stalked the bassist, waited outside his home to see him… we saw the band at a small club in san francisco and one night quay lude came to our table during the show. he sat on my niece’s lap and drank our cocktails (we were under age drinkers!) and he sang right there, we were in love! but the funniest thing was when he discussed his RSB. he would move it from side to side (leg to leg) and joke about the length and flexibility. all in all a very fun show!

    so, there you go…more from my alter ego…rock and roll groupie.
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Cupcakes =-.

  14. 14 jp

    OK 1st of all I almost spit Diet Coke on my laptop when I clicked on that picture of Rod!!!!

    I also rarely notice RSB’s or any of them for that matter! Maybe it’s because I am 50, I don’t know.

    Backs and shoulders are my Favorites! My sister and I used to ride our bikes around Natucket all summer long looking for painters backs………………

    Made for beautiful scenery!

    thanks for the laugh

  15. 15 Tracy

    Okay how come on a guy it’s Rock Star Bulge but on a girl it’s camel toe.

    Feeling in the mood to be offended by something.

    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Dear Stephanie =-.

  16. 16 Tracy

    Oh yeah ignore that PS I thought I had more to say but really I did not.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Dear Stephanie =-.

  17. 17 Pricilla

    This old goat just never paid attention to these things. Must be her Catholic School upbringing. Or the fact that she was just never into music….

    Now, show me a photo of Luke the goat in all his glory and hubba hubba!
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..AbbyDay – Update on the New Farm Kitten =-.

  18. 18 Unfiltered Meghan

    Dude, DAVID BOWIE.

    Seriously, did you SEE Labyrinth? David Bowie’s Package should have had its own place in the cast list.

    (There’s actually an entire web page dedicated to David Bowie’s Package. No joke. And no, it is not mine.

  19. 19 Unfiltered Meghan

    Whoops, try it without the parentheses (parenthesi? parenthesy? What is the term for one parentheses?) if you’re so inclined.

  20. 20 dcr

    “…Adam was on the cover of Rolling Stone. I showed the magazine to Dave, who quite appropriately rolled his eyes and wondered why he was married to a 12-year-old girl.”

    Curse you and your casual use of pronouns. ;) I had to go check the link to see why Dave thought Adam Lambert was married to a 12-year-old girl…

    I am also reporting you to the Photoshop Police for drawing yellow arrows pointing at things we don’t want to see. So, don’t be surprised if your Photoshop license is revoked.

    Next time, please do the guys in your audience a favor by immediately following up posts like this with a “I Read the ‘I Pay Tribute to Rock Star Bulges so you don’t have to’ Post so you don’t have to”. Thanks. ;)
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Eerie =-.

  21. 21 Lola

    Didn’t you do a post on rock star bulges before?

    I’d have to go with an Elton John poster I saw back in the 70′s at Spencer Gifts. It was back in his Unitard, feather boa, big sparkly eyewear wearing days. He wore a light blue unitard without the benefit of underwear. The camera angle was from below. It was unmistakable that he wasn’t wearing undies. Let’s just say monstrous, and leave it at that. I think it may have been what turned me gay. Lol!
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..September Top Commenter Winners! =-.

  22. 22 absepa

    I have to admit that I’m with Stephanie and Grace on this one…I just never gave RSBs any thought at all. Eyes, lips, hands, and chests are much more interesting to me than bulges. Not that I don’t enjoy looking at a handsome fellow, but shirtless (maybe underwear, if it’s not too revealing) is as far as I want to go. Please keep all junk appropriately covered. And, oh my eyes! I SO wish I hadn’t clicked on that photo of Rod Stewart. That one’s gonna stay with me for a while.
    .-= absepa´s last blog .."Real life" can be really inconvenient sometimes =-.

  23. 23 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    Since my favorite music is more along the lines of Classical, Opera and Symphony… I got nothing.
    .-= Barb – WillThink4Wine´s last blog ..THoE @ Three =-.

  24. 24 ann

    I’m left feeling speechless after reading this one…lol Or maybe I’m just taking advantage of my 5hth amendmant right.
    .-= ann´s last blog ..It’s been ages =-.

  25. 25 Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    With the popularity of the rock star bulge, why did it take a…ah…brother in the hip hop world to start…ah…touching it? Weird, isn’t it?
    .-= Prefers Her Fantasy Life´s last blog ..English Teachers Are Evil =-.

  26. 26 donna

    Um, I’ll take Lenny Kravitz. Thanks for posting that.
    .-= donna´s last blog ..Enough About You, Let’s Talk About ME! =-.

  27. 27 JD

    Rob O.: Hmm. For someone who claims to have no interest in “other dudes’ junk,” you seem to be able to come up with two pretty good mental images. YES! Mike Reno. Why didn’t I think of him. He wasn’t all headband.

    Buggys: Sorry! It’s hard not to veer toward gross-out territory when you’re discussing RSBs. Try bleaching your brain. That works for me.

    Jaffer: OHMYGOD! That is freaking hilarious that you just pulled that out. Of where, may I ask? WHY do you have THAT photo in your possession? And thank you so much for the photo enhancement, not that it needed it, in my opinion. Wow. I may have to start watching Law and Order or whatever show Vincent D’Onofrio is on. (EDITED TO ADD: that photo was first posted by Drowsey Monkey here. I urge you to take a look and stick around for the comments. Thanks, Jaffer!)

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I think you’re better off sticking to the junk in your drawer at home. That type of junk is much more appropriate for pawing through—at least, for you.

    The Incredible Woody: HA! Yes, I can imagine. Jesse McCartney? What’re all the youngsters thinking of? They’re too young to have bulges? Ew, I don’t want to think about it!

    expateek: WOW. That was . . . very detailed. I could make out the veins. Thank you?

    Jeff: Now, Jeff, I purposely did NOT mention the word “junk” at all in this post, so any association, desirable or un, is your own doing. Anyway, Kathy’s Junk Drawer is always free of this kind of dirty stuff. OR IS IT? (It is.)

    Jenn Thorson: I don’t know! I’ve just been feeling so frisky lately! I’m sure I’ll be back to doing more boring stuff. Maybe it’s time for another colonoscopy or something.

    Stephanie Barr: I definitely don’t think you’re abnormal (I’m sure other commenters will chime in that they’re not big RSB fans), but you can still come up with a disorder, if you’d like. I do appreciate a nice smile, sexy eyes, and especially good hygiene, but there is just something special about the RSB, even if it’s not on a rock star. Well, at least you like Lee’s! You can’t be that far gone!

    Grace: A ha! I knew Stephanie wasn’t alone. I like hands too, but . . . oh. I just came to the “bulging crotches” part of your comment and had to pause. OK, I’m back. I’m sure some men do enhance, but there’s nothing better than finding out the guy HASN’T, if you know what I mean. Oh! TMI, here I am.

    Puglette: Yes, your treatise on your preferred RSBs was one of my inspirations for finally writing this post! Oh, my HECK, I love Fee Waybill and The Tubes! That is awesome. I’m so jealous. What a fantastic experience. Puglette! You really do have amazing stories. Geez. Fee Waybill and his package. I really cannot top that!

    jp: Yeeeeah. Not one of Rod’s more flattering looks, I daresay. I’m close to 50 and still love a good RSB, so I think it’s just a matter of preference. I do also love a sexy voice and bedroom eyes. Painters’ backs! That’s funny. But I can totally see it. Construction workers have nice backs (and butts) too.

    Tracy: Well, I guess it’s fair to say that back in the 70s, the term “camel toe” hadn’t really been invented. Isn’t there something now called “moose knuckle” to denote when you can see each separate part of a man’s RSB? I would submit that the two things are different, but who am I to haggle. PS.

    Pricilla: Oh, Luke! He’s got Rod Stewart beat, hands down. I bet there are a lot of Catholic schoolgirls . . . er, goats . . . who rebelled and secretly looked at Creem magazine under their desks.

    Unfiltered Meghan: Oh, MAN! How could I leave him out. He has some serious RSB. Even in his Thin White Duke stage, I remember seeing some RSB poking through those somewhat baggy white dress pants. It does not surprise me in the least that there’s a Web site titled “A Scientific Look at David Bowie’s Package.”

    dcr: Oh, you scared me. I thought I had made a grammatical mistake, but I see you are just easily confused. It’s understandable, when it comes to Adam Lambert. Luckily, I don’t have Photoshop—only a really old version of PaintShop Pro. I doubt the police even care about that. Besides, they should be using their time to bust on Perez Hilton and his stupid squiggles. My yellow arrows are harmless!

    Lola: I warned y’all I was going to write about it here and shared the snippet I’d been saving in my drafts folder here. I do believe I remember that poster. I had a huge crush on Elton John. Things were very confusing back then.

    absepa: I’m sorry about Rod Stewart. Maybe I should delete him, but it was surprisingly difficult to find photos of this nature. Maybe I’ll do a special post just for all you ladies who prefer other parts. It’s only fair.

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: But didn’t Mozart wear those tight pants? I’m sure we can rustle up SOMEthing for you.

    ann: That’s perfectly fine. Sometimes it’s better not to comment on RSBs . . . just let them kind of wash over you in silence.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life: Yes, that IS weird. Hmmm. I’ll pass this one off to you to figure out. I think my readers are already grossed out enough as it is.

    donna: I wish I could’ve found a better one of Lenny. I was thinking leather trousers. Mmmm. You’re welcome.

  28. 28 Leeuna

    I want to gouge out my eyes now. Thanks JD. Next time you should click on the links in the comments so I don’t have to.

    Actually, and I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve always been a junk checker outer. I’m not creepy or anything but whenever it’s obvious, I can’t help but look. Sort of like watching a car wreck…
    .-= Leeuna´s last blog ..Who’s The Boss =-.

  29. 29 Jaffer

    Unfortunately Vincent’s left Law and Order according to Drowsey

    I am glad it got you laughing ! :-D

  30. 30 April

    So what is a guy supposed to do with it? Bulge happens.

    Actually, I never really pay much attention to it until it’s pointed out (thanks to this post I won’t be able to help it for at least a week!) but I clearly remember when I was about 14, there was this boy that I had a huge crush on and remember talking to him one day when I noticed his bulge. It wasn’t small and I was intrigued. :)

  31. 31 Stephanie Barr

    If you do a post extolling other parts, let me lobby for (a) eyes, (b) hands, (c) jaws, (d) mouths.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For SWAD: Going Abroad =-.

  32. 32 Stephanie Barr

    Oh, and I’m not the only one who is apparently interested in Lee’s bulge. He doesn’t wear the kind of pants where it’s generally obvious, but, on at least on occasion, some strange woman put her hands in Lee’s pocket while he was wearing his utilikilt. I have to think that’s a step beyond forward given that I was not five feet away.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For SWAD: Going Abroad =-.

  33. 33 Chris@TheSnackHound


    I am so sorry that men are wearing pants that actually fit them these days. They may have experienced a bit of peer pressure on their friends just like us ladies did after the whole camel toe revival of the 1990s (which was around the time of the Spice Girls coming on the scene). We just had to have a talk to our sisters (not biological sisters but meaning others of womankind) about the undies sticking out of the back of their pants and the jeans that they squeezed themselves into with a crowbar and some sort of industrial press. You know, the style that made every woman look two or three sizes bigger than they actually were just from looking like they were bursting out of it?

    Maybe guys want ladies to judge them on the whole “package” just like women don’t want to be judged because of a low cut blouse – intelligence, sense of humor, great smile, etc and not just…whoops…I said package. I meant the overall sum of the parts. Whoops. I said “parts”…you know what I mean…
    .-= Chris@TheSnackHound´s last blog ..Cooking School Weekend. Your Family Won’t Be Bored =-.

  34. 34 Lidian

    I was glad to see that you mentioned Spinal Tap. Remember the bit in the movie where they talk about having armadillos in their trousers? And when they go through airport security and one of them gets stopped because – well, let’s just say that there is a cucumber involved. And tin foil.
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..Loaf Actually =-.

  35. 35 absepa

    @Stephanie: I really like the way you think. Here’s one guy who probably qualifies in all four of your categories:

    .-= absepa´s last blog .."Real life" can be really inconvenient sometimes =-.

  36. 36 absepa

    Darn it…sorry! The link I just posted doesn’t work. The guy who inspired the “yum” is Joe Flanigan, from Stargate Atlantis.
    .-= absepa´s last blog .."Real life" can be really inconvenient sometimes =-.

  37. 37 Jeff

    You didn’t need to mention it… Rob started the junk train rolling with the very first comment. By the time I commented there were 5 other junky comments! Maybe you could write an anti-junk post showing things that guys want to see. Just let me know if you need any suggestions.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..This is the dawning of the age of aquariums =-.

  38. 38 Stephanie Barr

    Gee, absepba, does JD want us to find our own. I can do that. Seriously.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For Aileen:What About My Marriage =-.

  39. 39 Stephanie Barr

    I’m more the Paul Gross type, but that’s what’s cool about tastes. We can all like something different. He has lovely hands, too, but they don’t show in the picture.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For Aileen:What About My Marriage =-.

  40. 40 Your Daily Cute

    I think I’m going with Lenny Kravitz… a little more of a classy bulge, if there’s such a thing. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it before now though.

    And you go with your yellow arrows. Down with the squiggles!
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..The Kermie Butt Dance =-.

  41. 41 babs - beetle

    I have to admit I to agreeing with Stephanie Barr on this. I find other parts of the body far more pleasurable to ogle ;) I like subtlety rather than ‘in your face’ body parts. Well. you know what I mean ha ha!
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Mum’s Daisies =-.

  42. 42 babs - beetle

    Ignore that full stop! You know the one :)
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Mum’s Daisies =-.

  43. 43 Jen

    No one needed to see THAT picture of Rod Stewart. David Lee Roth on the other hand is impressive. I didn’t know he was Jewish. You left out Mick Jagger,,_Mick/gallery/P4584p16133c1487/, he has a huge “lunch box” for such a little guy.

    If you could find some bulges of other stars like Hugh Laurie, and the guy in the Beyonce video for Halo that would be awesome.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Ch Ch Ch Changes =-.

  44. 44 kathryn

    Well, you have WAY too many comments for me to read…at 11:17pm, with 2 glasses of Cloudy under my belt and 4 hours
    of driving behind me…so I’ll make my point:

    All hail the Rock Star Bulge….or ANY bulge for that matter! I mean, c’mon people…..the guys all have one, right?

    We wouldn’t expect the gals to wrap “the girls” up tight so there was nothing to see, right?

    Am I right? I’m not really sure. But I think I am! What’s the big deal? Do they make pants for guys with more room in that particular area? Or do you have to go one size up and wear a belt? How does that work, exactly?

    Dave? Are you listening to this????
    .-= kathryn´s last blog ..Complaints With A Question on Top =-.

  45. 45 David

    I miss out on so much by listening only to classical music. Then again, I do sometimes go to the ballet, where the endowments look downright painful.
    .-= David´s last blog ..It may not be the best policy, but it’s easiest to keep track of =-.

  46. 46 JD

    Leeuna: Oh, dear. Sorry about the eyeball gouging. That’s usually not my intention here. But at least you’ve come clean about your junk-checking-out habit. I think most of us who do the package check-out are pretty subtle. A casual glance—sometimes followed by a more intense stare. Not that subtle, I guess.

    Jaffer: Well, I’ll track him down. Thanks again for the link and the laugh!

    April: HAHAHA! Aw. Your first bulge. That’s so cute. So, OK, you can blame me now when you find yourself walking around with your eyes glued to men’s RSBs. I take full responsibility.

    Stephanie Barr: You got it. I like eyes and mouths, myself. And hands. Not much of a jaw gal, I have to say, but I’ll start paying attention now.

    “A step beyond forward”? Uh, yeah. Had that been my husband, that woman would’ve earned herself a punch to the throat. Altho Dave would probably never wear a utilikilt. I wonder if that woman would’ve been so “forward” if he’d just been wearing pants? Maybe there’s something about a kilt that makes it seem OK to manhandle someone?

    Bingo: Yup. He knew how to wear a pair of skin-tight jeans, all right. I don’t think there was any ROOM for underwear.

    Chris@TheSnackHound: HA! So we have the Spice Girls to blame for camel toe. I knew it. To the men of the world: No. We don’t want to judge the whole package. We want to judge “the” package. Start wearing tight pants again. They don’t have to be obscenely tight. Preferably leather or denim. We won’t judge you (much).

    Lidian: That’s what I linked to in my post! It’s a hilarious bit, especially the way he tosses the cucumber onto the table, like, OK, you got me. And the airport security women are beside themselves. Awesomeness.

    absepa: Wow, he’s CUTE! Check him out HERE! I don’t even mind that I couldn’t find a photo of his RSB. (I’m sure he has a good one.)

    Jeff: Hmmm, an anti-junk post, you say? Yeah. I appreciate your suggestion. I think I’m going to have to wait a while, tho, before I post any more nude photos of myself. Just sayin’.

    Stephanie Barr: I think you and absepa need to co-write a post. This Paul Gross fellow is a fine looking young man, tho I can do without the Canadian Mountie uniform.

    Your Daily Cute: Believe me, I was looking for a much less classy version of Lenny’s RSB, but I couldn’t find one! Nevertheless, I’m very glad you like this one. Yes, an RSB can be classy.

    babs – beetle: Oh, I know what you mean. Men and their various parts were put on this earth for us to enjoy; we don’t all like to ogle the same parts. So? What do your eyes zoom in on?

    Jen: ARGH! I tried to find one of Mick Jagger. THANK YOU for that one. Geez, you’d think it’d be easy. I’m definitely going to explore non-rock-star bulges in a future post. Hugh Laurie? Done. The guy in the Halo video? I’m gonna have to look that up . . . OK, I’ve just seen him. Yes. Yes, indeed. Phew.

    kathryn: You’re right! Despite the Cloudy, you are on point, my girlfriend. Dave! Stop reading. I’m not even going there.

    David: HAR! How true. Those ballet dancers . . . it’s not even really interesting. Not that I’m only paying attention to THAT. I quite like the ballet and opera myself. Really!

  47. 47 Unfinished Rambler

    As a heterosexual male, I didn’t click on any of the links, thank you very much. When I think of rock star bulges, I prefer to think of Jennifer Lopez’s “bulges”. Wait, she is a rock star, right?
    .-= Unfinished Rambler´s last blog ..Down the rabbit hole =-.

  48. 48 Patty

    I’m afraid that the first bulge that comes to mind is Al Gore’s on the cover of Rolling Stone back in the day…as I recall he seemed…ahem…aroused in the photograph and sent the photoshop department into a tizzy. Yes, not exactly RSB, but the first famous (infamous?) bulge that comes to mind.

    There’s a book I have called “A Mind of Its Own” that is the history of the penis…it’s informative and hilarious, although I sadly don’t think the author covered the legendary RSB.
    .-= Patty´s last blog ..Threadless Tshirt Giveaway at =-.

  49. 49 babs - beetle

    Well, I rather like thighs and hips. The other bit is all inclusive :D

    I am emailing you a nice ‘bulge’ It’s from a new TV game show. Mo and I laugh every week at the different shapes and sizes. I wonder why they chose silver suites. Everything shows up so much!
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Mum’s Daisies =-.

  50. 50 Steve

    I saw a photo once of Journey where they were all stuffed with socks and wearing tight jeans. Hilarious.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..Around the NFL for 10/03/09 =-.

  51. 51 Dorothy Stahlnecker

    Hmmm as a 63 year old grandma this even interested me…what the heck is that for real?

    Dorothy from grammology
    .-= Dorothy Stahlnecker´s last blog ..Sometimes Thank You’s arent enough =-.

  52. 52 Maureen

    The only thing worse than a RSB is one in fishnet. Without undies.

    From up close. On a lead singer in a well-known band.

    TMI indeed.
    .-= Maureen´s last blog .."Okay. Spill It." =-.

  53. 53 Sara's Whimsy

    Jo Bro RSB? YUCKY!

    But I will glad watch any member of Motley Crue for a RSB. Any time.

    Seriously, just let me know. I gladly volunteer.
    .-= Sara’s Whimsy´s last blog ..Sara’s Snarky Snippets =-.

  54. 54 Kathy

    Phil Keoghan, Amazing Race. He does tight jeans right. He’s a rock star to me. That is all.

    (p.s. I love Daisy’s little misunderstandings.)
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..Do You Write Cursive Anymore? =-.

  55. 55 Muskrat

    I am appalled.

  56. 56 cardiogirl

    First, I have no idea why this is, but I kept seeing the word “BUGLE” like a musical instrument. I suppose in a metaphorical way that works, but I don’t know why I can’t see the word “BULGE.”

    I am not dyslexic (that I know of) but maybe I am sexually dyslexic. Don’t know.

    Second, I’m not really seein’ it on the Jonas Brother. And I’m distracted by the heels on Lenny Kravitz’ shoes.

    Freddy Mercury’s stripes are getting in the way, can’t see that one either.

    Um, David Lee Roth. That dude is heading east if you know what I mean. Yeah. I see that one.

    (shudders) At least you apologized for the Rod Stewart photo.
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..The book of questions, Volume 61 =-.

  57. 57 JD

    Unfinished Rambler: “Rock star” may be stretching it a bit for Jennifer Lopez, but we’ve had entries here for Vincent D’Onofrio, a guy from “Stargate,” and the host of “The Amazing Race,” so why not?

    Patty: I can’t imagine a truly comprehensive guide to the penis withOUT the RSB! Nor can I imagine Al Gore’s bulge, not that I’m trying. Must. resist. Googling. “Al.” “Gore.” “Rolling.” “Stone.” “Bulge.”

    babs – beetle: “All-inclusive.” I like that! Especially if you’re already focused on the thigh-hip area already. May as well zoom in for the bulge! I love what you sent me. I’d include the video link, but unfortunately YouTube has taken it down. You wonder why they chose silver suits? I think you answered your own question!

    Steve: Are you sure those were really socks? Now you’ve reminded me of that Red Hot Chili Peppers poster. THANK YOU!

    Dorothy Stahlnecker: Well, I should HOPE it would interest all genders of all ages! RSBs are not limited to any one group. Join in the fun, grandma!

    Maureen: Oh. Ergh. Um, whom exactly are you referring to? That’s disturbingly specific. (No photos, please.)

    Sara’s Whimsy: Oh, I’m so glad someone appreciated the Motley Crue photo. It’s a fine collection of RSBs. I know. I never expected “Jonas Brothers” and “RSB” to be in the same sentence EVER!

    Kathy: Ahhh. One of my favorite bulges. Yes, Phil’s a rock star, all right, but I’m wondering if we need a new post, er, covering Famous Bulges? TV Bulges? Maybe just a whole post devoted to Phil and his Amazing Package. That would make me very happy, actually.

    Muskrat: Oh, you WOULD be, you big ol’ prude. But watch. I bet you’ll be all over my cameltoe post.

    cardiogirl: I love that you had to clarify: “bugle: the musical instrument,” as opposed to the delicious corn-based snack treat. I couldn’t find great bulge pictures for everyone, I’ll admit. But David Lee Roth always comes thru.

  58. 58 Angie

    I just watched The Song Remains the Same with my thirteen year old daughter! I was a tad bit embarassed by the intense crotch shots of Robert Plant. (For her, not me.) I enjoy Lenny Kravitz, Michael Hutchence, and (gulp) Marc Torien from the Bullet Boys.

    I miss the days of real bravado. And the days of having courage to stuff your pants for masses. Getting old, I guess.

    I really enjoyed your post.
    .-= Angie´s last blog ..Exploding peanuts – more useless information. =-.

  59. 59 Corrina

    Dangly bits + spandex/ leather/ crotch-choking-denim = No bueno. I just don’t need to see a guy’s man business through his clothing. Lol I dated someone once who thought skin-tight jeans were the way to go and I had to put a stop to that INSTANTLY. He was ridiculously endowed, by the way, which made him look like walking porn. Again… No bueno. Lol

  60. 60 Eli

    I have to admit, I love this post. It’s amazing. And could have come out of my brain. It makes me happy to know that I’m not alone and that there is, in fact, an acronym for it. I’ll be calling it RSB for the rest of my life.
    Mötley Crüe would have to be my favorite RSB. It’s a tie between Vince ( and Nikki ( They both do it so well. :D

  61. 61 Shaky Jake

    Why do I find myself becoming most intrigued with your sexually-referencing posts? Is there something inherently weird about that?

    Anyways, fantastic post as usual. I hope you don’t receive a plethora of “fan mail bulges” because of this. That would be terrifying in a gratifying way, don’t you think?

    .-= Shaky Jake´s last blog ..Dow Da Bah Bwamp. =-.

  62. 62 Florida Girl In Sydney

    I’m with Corrina, and I especially don’t want to see Speedos at the beach. If they have to keep it in their pants then what’s the point. Maybe it ‘s time for a trip to SanSouci, where we can see it all hang out, right?
    .-= Florida Girl In Sydney´s last blog ..If I Inhale Anymore I’m going to Choke =-.

  63. 63 elmot

    You are not a rockstar if you don’t have that bulge!
    .-= elmot´s last blog ..Do They Have the Balls To Do It? =-.

  64. 64 JD

    Angie: We’re not getting old—at least not as long as we can still enjoy The Song Remains the Same and Lenny Kravitz’s RSB. What a good mom you are. She’s learning from the best (Robert Plant, that is).

    Corrina: There’s a line between too much crotch and just enough. I don’t need to see the veins. But a little hint of what’s inside is nice. Now: about that well-endowed ex of yours. Is he on Facebook or anything? Just curious.

    Shaky Jake: Wheee! I’m flattered you like my SEX-AY content! It’s weird, all right, but in a good way. No fan mail yet, but LOTS of Google searches with the term “bulge.” I can’t say I’m exactly gratified, but I am intrigued.

    Florida Girl In Sydney: Now, see, I almost prefer the denim-clad bulge to the everything hanging out. That doesn’t mean I won’t join you for a trip to San Souci, tho. Lemme grab my #50 SPF!

    elmot: Agreed!

    Eli: I’m going for Nikki, but both photos are AWESOME examples of RSB. No, you’re not alone, and yes, there is an official acronym, soon to be followed by a fan page on Facebook.

  65. 65 Shieldmaiden1196

    Oh, I don’t know how/why I didn’t comment on this earlier, it evoked a pretty hilarious memory. I was watching ‘The Song Remains The Same’ and my mother was in the kitchen doing dishes. She came into the living room, dishtowel in hand, and said quietly ‘Oh, my,’ as the ‘halfway up the microphone stand bulge-cam’ zeroed in on Robert Plant. Funny thing is I didn’t even notice it. I mean, Jeebus. There are bulges and then there are bulges that actually put a worn spot in the jeans like a can of Copenhagen. Bless your heart, RP.

    Also: at my not too conservative but enough to object Christian college I had to cover that region on a Zeppelin poster with an artfully collaged album cover.
    .-= Shieldmaiden1196´s last blog ..All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go….. =-.

  66. 66 MomZombie

    Two words: Jack White. Never noticed until we were at our first White Stripes concert. Lousy seats in the balcony. BUT — even from there the RSB was obvious. My husband made a big fuss about it like that was the only reason I was a fan. Luckily the other half of the band is well-endowed too, so candy for everyone and end of argument.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Why no post? A top 10 list =-.

  67. 67 JD

    Shieldmaiden1196: Aw! I bet your mom watched that part over and over, after you’d gone to bed. Maybe you were too intrigued by Jimmy Page’s appliqued shiny pants? And no Zeppelin poster should EVER be covered up for ANY reason. That’s censorship!

    MomZombie: Oh, my freakinggod how could I forget about JACK WHITE?? Yes. We saw the White Stripes a few years ago, and from midway on the large ballroom floor, THERE IT WAS! And you’re right about Meg. A little something for everyone.

  68. 68 A Bay Horse

    Boy, Rod feels no shame. Gotta admire that. I guess he got up that morning and said “Honey, if you can wear that… So can I!”
    .-= A Bay Horse´s last blog ..Skunk does not equal cat =-.

  69. 69 Master Dayton

    I vote for David Bowie in the Jim Henson movie Labyrinth. Especially disturbing because he refused to wear a cod piece even though that was a little too much of an outline for a kid/young adult movie.
    .-= Master Dayton´s last blog ..College Students as Part Time Writers, Part One =-.

  70. 70 natural

    um i guess i’m partial to my bulges, but if i were to look, LL wins. pants down. i mean hands down.

    gotta love that cg: I am not dyslexic (that I know of) but maybe I am sexually dyslexic. Don’t know.
    .-= natural´s last blog ..The Psychology of Hair =-.

  71. 71 JD

    A Bay Horse: I don’t know WHAT he was thinking when he put that little “outfit” on. But you’re right. He is feeling no shame. I’m feeling something . . . I think it’s nausea.

    Master Dayton: Your vote has been recorded. And I think someone else mentioned Labyrinth. I’ve never seen that movie, but now I’m somewhat interested. You know. In the puppets.

    natural: CG’s dyslexia is the best kind: the HILARIOUS kind. Now, who the hell is LL?

  72. 72 Donna

    This is a great topic, but seriously incomplete without Jack White. His RSB is, uh, impressive. No, make that *frightening*. In a kind of apocalyptic way, but also kind of good and yummy way.

    Not sure how Jack could have been left out here, unless somebody has not seen enough pictures of “it.” (Sorry, I should not use pronouns. Its given name is “The Jackage.” Given, presumably, by someone other than Mr. White himself.)

    There was a LiveJournal page dedicated to the jackage, it’s probably still there. Look under “Jack White’s cock.” (But some of the photo links are probably expired now.)

    You’ve got some good ones on your list, for sure. But seriously? Jack White = O.M.G.

  73. 73 Dee

    Woooooooooo another bulge lover.

    Nice to meet you. Give it up for the big boys. You forgot Tom Brady

    But if we’re sticking with your list. I’m going with Lenny. He is sssooo darn sexy.
    .-= Dee´s last blog ..Lenny Kravitz and Negrophilia =-.

  74. 74 JD

    Donna: I know, I know. I hang my head in shame. “Jackage.” I love it. I mean, literally. If you look above to MomZombie’s comment, she also berated me for leaving out the White, and I included a delicious link in my response. Look for “RSB PART 2,” in which I devote an entire post to the “Jackage.”

    Dee: Thanks for the Tom Brady submission. Noooiiiiice. (But don’t all football players have built-in bulges? We’ll pretend they don’t). And yes, to Lenny. He exudes sexuality. In bulge form.

  75. 75 kurye

    Woo another bulge lover.

  76. 76 Penny

    Visible obvious bulge is acceptable on rock stars because they are Rock Stars. Last year I saw the Tubes, with Fee Waybill in top Quay Lude form. I went home feeling a bit funny and will never get that image out of my mind. Yes, he’s nearly sixty. But in DAMN good shape. On YouTube I found the Tubes video ‘Sports Fan’, with a shower room scene and one very bold Fee without ANY pants. Oh man…

  77. 77 JD

    Penny: I think I can understand those funny feelings. And now I must go look for that video. What IS it about Fee?

  1. 1 I Pay Tribute to Rock Star Bulges so you don’t have to


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