Do you know what’s better than a chocolate chip cookie?
“NOTHING!” you rudely interrupt.
Well, I’ve got news for you. I just made your precious chocolate chip cookie even better. You think I’m lying? I would never lie to you. Especially when it comes to cookies.
Below, I outline the simple procedure for improving upon the already-awesome chocolate chip cookie. I hope my witty directions will distract you from the crappy, blurry photos.
First, you need some chocolate chip cookie dough. I recommend Toll House because I think that is the only brand available. Therefore, I highly recommend it. Now, you can be a martyr and make your own cookie dough, but this method is so easy, even a martyr will love it. The dough comes in a big, perforated HUNK, which you simply tear apart into delightful cookie-dough cubes. This particular style of cookie is called “Chocolate CHUNK.” Don’t be intimidated.
Here’s where the magic happens. You will ALSO need a 45-oz. bag of M&Ms . . . wait, what? You don’t have a 45-oz. bag of M&Ms? Well, maybe you weren’t lucky enough to win a 45-oz bag of M&Ms from Wit’s Bitch for guessing “vibrator” as the correct answer in her “What the Hell Is It?” contest. If you don’t have a 45-oz bag, a regular ol’ large-ish bag will suffice (but it won’t be nearly as fun).
Here are the way-simple instructions on the cookie dough package. Look! The Spanish word for “bake” is “hornee”! HORNEE!!! Get it? No? It’s funny, though. Crazy Spaniards.
The directions say to use an “ungreased pan,” but that is clearly a typo. WHY would you use an ungreased pan, EVER? Stuff sticks without grease. I don’t know who came up with that one. Flout these directions and spray your pan generously with Pam or its generic equivalent. (I like to line my baking pan with tin foil so I don’t have to wash it. Lazy!)
If you have a kitten, make sure no M&Ms are left out on the counter. Here is a typically blurry Prudence on the move.
OK, now look. See how easy? Chunks of delicious perforated cookie-dough cubes. Chunky! Cubey! Hornee! (No, I don’t plan to ever get tired of that.) Now this is very important. Do NOT add the M&Ms at this stage. Let the cookies hornee (hee!) for about 5 minutes . . .
. . . until they look kinda like this. Semi-horneed. (Note the glistening globules of Pam.)
At this point, begin cramming in as many M&Ms as possible. Stick them in sideways, if you have to. For God’s sake, you cannot have too many M&Ms, especially if you have a 45-oz bag you are desperately trying to get rid of.
Pop the tray back in the oven for about 7 minutes. Continue hornee-ing.
Oh, man. Didn’t I tell you? Look at that cookie! Now is the time for chomping. (Burns mouth. Now is not quite the time for chomping, apparently.)
Uhh . . . something may have gone wrong at this step. It could be that you’re supposed to let the cookies cool before you transfer them to a fancy paper plate. Or maybe I really shouldn’t have greased the pan. Either way: CHOMP!
If you guessed that this was just another “Pimp My Snack” post, you win! A 45-oz . . . er, a 35-oz bag of M&Ms!
A smiley would taste good right about now.