I Make a Good Thing Better

Make it so much better
It is better better

Hey, y’all.

Do you know what’s better than a chocolate chip cookie?

NOTHING!” you rudely interrupt.

Well, I’ve got news for you. I just made your precious chocolate chip cookie even better. You think I’m lying? I would never lie to you. Especially when it comes to cookies.

Below, I outline the simple procedure for improving upon the already-awesome chocolate chip cookie. I hope my witty directions will distract you from the crappy, blurry photos.

First, you need some chocolate chip cookie dough. I recommend Toll House because I think that is the only brand available. Therefore, I highly recommend it. Now, you can be a martyr and make your own cookie dough, but this method is so easy, even a martyr will love it. The dough comes in a big, perforated HUNK, which you simply tear apart into delightful cookie-dough cubes. This particular style of cookie is called “Chocolate CHUNK.” Don’t be intimidated.

Here’s where the magic happens. You will ALSO need a 45-oz. bag of M&Ms . . . wait, what? You don’t have a 45-oz. bag of M&Ms? Well, maybe you weren’t lucky enough to win a 45-oz bag of M&Ms from Wit’s Bitch for guessing “vibrator” as the correct answer in her “What the Hell Is It?” contest. If you don’t have a 45-oz bag, a regular ol’ large-ish bag will suffice (but it won’t be nearly as fun).

Here are the way-simple instructions on the cookie dough package. Look! The Spanish word for “bake” is “hornee”! HORNEE!!! Get it? No? It’s funny, though. Crazy Spaniards.

The directions say to use an “ungreased pan,” but that is clearly a typo. WHY would you use an ungreased pan, EVER? Stuff sticks without grease. I don’t know who came up with that one. Flout these directions and spray your pan generously with Pam or its generic equivalent. (I like to line my baking pan with tin foil so I don’t have to wash it. Lazy!)

If you have a kitten, make sure no M&Ms are left out on the counter. Here is a typically blurry Prudence on the move.

OK, now look. See how easy? Chunks of delicious perforated cookie-dough cubes. Chunky! Cubey! Hornee! (No, I don’t plan to ever get tired of that.) Now this is very important. Do NOT add the M&Ms at this stage. Let the cookies hornee (hee!) for about 5 minutes . . .

. . . until they look kinda like this. Semi-horneed. (Note the glistening globules of Pam.)

At this point, begin cramming in as many M&Ms as possible. Stick them in sideways, if you have to. For God’s sake, you cannot have too many M&Ms, especially if you have a 45-oz bag you are desperately trying to get rid of.

Pop the tray back in the oven for about 7 minutes. Continue hornee-ing.

Almost ready!

Oh, man. Didn’t I tell you? Look at that cookie! Now is the time for chomping. (Burns mouth. Now is not quite the time for chomping, apparently.)

Uhh . . . something may have gone wrong at this step. It could be that you’re supposed to let the cookies cool before you transfer them to a fancy paper plate. Or maybe I really shouldn’t have greased the pan. Either way: CHOMP!

If you guessed that this was just another “Pimp My Snack” post, you win! A 45-oz . . . er, a 35-oz bag of M&Ms!

_____________________________

A smiley would taste good right about now.

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59 Comments


59 Responses to “I Make a Good Thing Better”

  1. 1 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Those came out really colorful, and anything colorful is Good. I wish I could try some of those, but I am not allowed to eat chocolate. Maybe I could hornee some catnip cookies, instead.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Wild

  2. 2 Kathy

    Me gusta el uso de cookies. Especialmente el tipo con m & m’s en ellos. No sabía que las cookies pueden ser sexy. Tiene sentido porque se calientan en el horno. ¿La prudencia obtener su un M & M?

    Kathy’s last blog post..This is Not a Cat Blog, but …

  3. 3 legbamel

    Actually, the butter or shortening in the cookie dough makes them self-greasing. ;) This is a good method, because if you make dough from scratch and put the candy right in it, the dough bleaches the color off. This looks much more colorful – and tasty!

  4. 4 Regan

    Ohh, I must try this! Maybe I could try cramming other stuff in it, too! Like…. ice cream! Or… oreo pieces! Or… more chocolate! Or… more cookie dough!

    My kitties like foods too. We must hide food from them so they don’t eat it.

  5. 5 feefifoto

    Thanks for saving me the trouble of horneeing cookies. I’ll forward my address so you can mail them. I appreciate your hard work.

    feefifoto’s last blog post..Kindred Spirits

  6. 6 Lidian

    This is a Very Good Recipe. So good, in fact, that I would not be able to write about it at Kitchen Retro, where only the most grotesque ads and Jell-O molds are on display!

    I like how the dough is only sort of grid or display case for the chocolate. As well it should be.

    Lidian’s last blog post..Radio Dispatched Service

  7. 7 dcr

    Don’t grease the pan. Never had a problem with them sticking.

    Also, Pillsbury makes these precut cookie dough packages too.

    And somebody has them with the M&M’s already in them. Saves a step. And they don’t get bleached or discolored.

    dcr’s last blog post..Almost Weird eBooks You Can’t Find on eBay!

  8. 8 PaulsHealthBlog.com

    I swear, my wife just made these same cookies!

    When it comes to chocolate chip cookies (with M & M’s to boot!) I get weak. I always tell her, “If you don’t buy it, I won’t eat it.”

    So yes, these cookies were a treat.

  9. 9 Bucky

    My mother used to do this when I was a kid.

    Oh, how I long for those cookies!

    Bucky’s last blog post..Hillbilly Vibrator

  10. 10 Monique

    First @ Kathy, rofl that was awesome.

    And to you Miss JD those cookies look so good. But since I am on my Kitchen Nightmares diet, I can’t even think about enjoying one.

    Monique’s last blog post..Kitchen Nightmares

  11. 11 April

    I’ve done this! Nothing better than a chocolate chip cookie with mounds of M&M’s stuffed inside, not so good for dieting but what the hell. I’m going to get some dough today.

  12. 12 Angi

    Forget winning a bag of M&M’s. I want those cookies!! :-D

  13. 13 NaTuRaL

    okay I lick the monitor so you don’t have to. you know i love chocolate chip cookies more than anything…with nuts…man they look good. you didn’t even have to post anything but the pictures…what’s with those words….okay i er um, might have to run to the supermarket, i’ve very weak.

    NaTuRaL’s last blog post..EntreCard Therapy

  14. 14 Babs - beetle

    Kathy que no cree que es confusa, con su español? Oh me? tan!

    Now those cookies (and you) made me chuckle! especially the last photo. I bet you eat them by the handful – yes, I can just see you :O)

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Swinging sixties, in more ways than one!

  15. 15 Musing

    Yummy! I think I gained ten pounds just reading your post!

    Musing’s last blog post..Seeing pictures of yourself running is like seeing pics of yourself having sex

  16. 16 windyridge

    No need for Pam if you use nonstick foil.
    They look so good that I am very tempted to make some NOW!!! Hornee away!

    windyridge’s last blog post..By: Sandy M

  17. 17 windyridge

    The Comment Luv plugin is acting kind of weird and giving you my last commenter instead. It actually was: Free 2GB MP3 player and can be entered here: http://www.todaysgizmos.com/contests/giveaway-2gb-mp3-player-with-thumb-drive/
    Takes less than a minute to enter. Ok that wasn’t the title I enhanced it! I did that so you didn’t have to.

    windyridge’s last blog post..By: Sandy M

  18. 18 JD

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I agree. Colorful is Good. M&Ms make anything better. I hope I didn’t tempt you too much with these. I know they’re not good for cats (except Prudence, who can and does eat anything).

    Kathy: Um . . . hornee? I’m impressed! I actually am able to pick out most of that. Are you really fluent in Spanish or did you use an online dictionary. Just one more of your many talents!

    legbamel: A ha! I never knew that. But a little spray of Pam can’t hurt, right? And I didn’t know that dough from scratch would de-colorize the M&Ms. Interesting!

    Regan: You are just full of good ideas. Oreo pieces sounds awesome. I say, the more stuff you can cram in, the better.

    feefifoto: Yes, even tho this was a very easy recipe, not everyone has the time to hornee a batch of cookies. Now about sending them . . . um, how do you feel about crumbs and a greasy paper plate?

    Lidian: HA! Yeah, the dough is there only to hold together the chocolate chunks. There should always be about a 25-1 chocolate to dough ratio when baking. I’m glad my delicious cookies aren’t in the same category as Jell-O molds!

    dcr: Oh, no. THOSE M&Ms are semi-sweet. Not as good as the true milk chocolate ones. I did not, however, know about Pillsbury. And YOU may never have had a problem with sticking, but I bet the first time I try baking something without a healthy coating of Pam, I’d be in Stickville.

    PaulsHealthBlog.com: Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. How lucky you are! I didn’t share mine with anyone!

    Bucky: But now that you’ve seen how easy it is, you can make ‘em yourself, right?

    Monique: I’m sorry. I wish I could follow the Kitchen Nightmares diet. Are you sure horneed cookies aren’t allowed???

    April: YAY! Let us know how they turn out. And whether or not you greased the pan.

    Angi: Heh. I actually made these last week and they are LONG GONE. The best thing about that hunk of cookie dough is you can make just a few at a time. Or all of it at a time.

    NaTuRaL: I was going to let the pictures speak for themselves, but I am not such a good photographer. I’m a much better hornee-er.

    Babs – beetle: Oh no! Everyone’s a Spaniard now. “tan”? I know that word. Are you guys talking about my butt? You’re right! I did eat them by the handful, it was heaven.

    Musing: Then you need to go back and read the colonoscopy post. That weight will come right off!

    windyridge: Yeah! Hornee away. Maybe next time I’ll skip the Pam and see what happens. But me gusto Pam!

  19. 19 Tricia

    Actually greasing the pan will make your cookies spread out more and be flatter and crispier around the edges I think? :)

    Tricia’s last blog post..TGIF – Shopping MeMe

  20. 20 brooke

    yummy i would love to have those.

  21. 21 Maureen

    Holy crap.

    But where the heck is the chocolate frosting?????

    Wow, I got a sugar rush just TYPING that.

    Maureen’s last blog post..The Dog Days Of Summer

  22. 22 Jeff

    That last picture looks like something a Keebler Elf threw up.

    I would still eat it though.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Are your kids a pain in the morning? It may not be their fault!

  23. 23 chat blanc

    ZOMG!! YUM!! I’m drooling. And, hornee–hahaha! And, last but not least–thanks for the mention and linkyloo! :D

    Any cookies left? better hide them, I’m coming over. :P

    chat blanc’s last blog post..The party’s over

  24. 24 Florida Girl In Sydney

    I love this! Can you believe they don’t even sell perforated cookie dough in Australia– you have to actually make it!

    I love the whole concept of pimping your cookies. And I love your plate o’ cookie parts– that always happens to me.

    Cheers matey.

    Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Naughty Marvin

  25. 25 ann of the cellphone bag

    I have both the break up apart dough AND the M&Ms in my home right now! Let the co-mingling begin!

    Regan – keep your Oreos crumbles away from my m&m’s…. Mom…

  26. 26 JD

    Tricia: Well, that makes sense. And I do kind of like them that way. Ah. Another post idea: I DON’T grease the pan so you . . . have to?

    brooke: I bet you would! However . . . CHOMP! . . . they are all gone.

    Maureen: Oooh, and my teeth hurt! Maybe vanilla frosting would be a little more reasonable.

    Jeff: HA HA HA HA! Yeah, me too. Oh, I did. With a spoon, tho.

    chat blanc: They are lo-o-o-o-ng gone! In fact, my husband read this post and said plaintively, “There were cookies?” I do have some M&Ms left, tho!

    Florida Girl in Sydney: No perforated dough in Australia? C’mon, you guys, get with the program? Do they at least have the tubes of dough? I realize you still have to go to all the trouble of slicing the dough into pieces, but that’s at least easier than making your own!

    ann of the cellphone bag: Oh, boy. Please write back and let me know how they turn out. Remember: Hornee the dough for 5 minutes BEFORE cramming in the M&Ms. Good luck!

  27. 27 Fancy

    My mother only ever made chocolate chip cookies OR M&M cookies. I don’t think my brain ever comprehended you could do BOTH at the same time!!!!! I am overwhelmed by the idea of the goodness. Next batch of cookies problem solved!

    Fancy’s last blog post..The importance of wearing a seat belt and locking your car door

  28. 28 Kelly

    oh God! that was so funny! thank you for the good laugh. i will make sure to catch up on your blog when i am released from the institution that my husband will be admitting me to tonight.

    and let me tell you, when i’m feeling particularly hornee, i love me some chocolate chip cookies!

    Kelly’s last blog post..I Made it to Number 3

  29. 29 ettarose

    I love cookies with M&M’s. I love M&M’s Somewhere I have recipe for “not mrs fields chocolate chip cookies” They are the best cookie you have ever eaten. Macadamia nuts, walnits, big hunks of chocolate. Only thing is you have to be a martyr and make them by scratch.

    ettarose’s last blog post..Now Women Know Why Men Have Beer Bellies

  30. 30 Elle

    Oh sure, this was the post to read at 4:30 AM with neither hornee-able cookies nor M & M’s in the house. The only chocolate consists of (1) marshmallow pies, not even real, or (b) unsweetened, which is really chocolate mud. Now I shall dream of horneeing (o-lay!) scrumptious cookies. Better put a glass of milk by the bed.

    Elle’s last blog post..And Now I Know

  31. 31 Tim

    I can’t wait to see what you can do with brownies.

    Tim’s last blog post..Shopping For A New Bar Sound System For the Redneck Bar and Grill

  32. 32 Natural

    I had to come back and actually read all of this post, JD. I was so distracted and hung over from the photos and the encounter I had with my screen, that I left a comment and ran away…..but was able to drunkenly make it to the supermarket to buy cookies. Felt the ground move, gained 10lbs. I line my pan with foil too, because I don’t want to have to scrub nothing, even though it says no stick, I don’t believe it. I knew there was a reason why I love Spaniards…what a beautiful language. I love to bake and stop saying “bake” throughout your post…add bake, pictures and cookies and I’m done! Way to mess up my 12 step program, JD! ;)

    Oh in keeping with the most typos on a blog, other than my own, I have to thrown one in, now!

    Natural’s last blog post..EntreCard Therapy

  33. 33 JD

    Fancy: I hope your brain hasn’t exploded with all this wonderful new knowledge!

    Kelly: Hornee or not, chocolate chip cookies are the cure.

    ettarose: I am not so much a fan of the nutted cookie, but I’m sure that recipe would appeal to many, MANY martyrs out there.

    Elle: I hope you had sweet dreams last night! A house with only unsweetened chocolate and a fake marshmallow pie is a sad house, indeed.

    Tim: Hoo, boy!

    Natural: Mmmm, delicious typos. So, did you take pictures? Did you hornee for the correct amount of time?

    windyridge: Sorry! In addition to CommentLuv spazzing out, Akismet ate your comment. Yeah, I’ve noticed that CommentLuv doesn’t always parse the right link. It tries, tho! Thanks for re-commenting. That contest looks easy and the prize is AWESOME!

  34. 34 Anna Tobit

    Awesome…. I´m a huge lover of chocolate and all things made of sugar… I do often find myself eating a large bag of M&Ms, NOW I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO WITH THEM TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER…. so instead of eating the whole bag, I´ll put the whole bag into cookies and eat all the cookies. PERFECT! AND IT MEANS I GET MORE TO EAT :-)

    Anna

  35. 35 Woody

    I am on my way to the store!!

  36. 36 Regan

    Hmm, what will happen next? I’m sure everyone wants to know!

  37. 37 Jay

    DO NOT tempt me with these instruments of Satan, JD! I am a chocolate junkie, and I’m finding it incredibly hard to climb back on the wagon after a week of bingeing.

    I find myself spooning those ‘real’ chocolate flakes meant for making hot chocolate drinks into my mouth if I don’t have any of the genuine article, and now you have me thinking up new ways to make chocolate chip cookies even more sinful!! I don’t do M&Ms, but Cadbury Shots might be nice, or Galaxy Minstrels, or crumbled up Flake, or … or … or ….

    Get thee behind me!!

    Jay’s last blog post..Summer’s End

  38. 38 JD

    Woody: Let me know if you make them! Happy Hornee-ing!

    Regan: What will happen next? I’m sure I don’t know!

    Jay: Ohhhhh. Crumbled-up Cadbury Flake. Now you’re talking. See, you don’t even need me—you’re coming up with great, Satany ideas all on your own!

  39. 39 Karen

    Yummm! It is almost time for bed and the time I crave a snack. Now, I have to have a cookie. Eat one for me, please.

    Karen’s last blog post..Four Foods on Friday #46

  40. 40 kouji

    goodness. those look so good. :O

    and interesting cameo by your kitten on the prowl. :D

    kouji’s last blog post..captivating Capiz, a haiku poem

  41. 41 JD

    Anna Tobit: You are definitely on the right track! It’s all about making ourselves feeling better AND having more sugar to eat. (May I also recommend M&Ms mixed in with a large bowl of buttered popcorn? So convenient!)

    Karen: I have done you a great service by eating them ALL! Sweet dreams!

    kouji: Yes, you can always count on Prudence to be on hand during any and all food preparations.

  42. 42 Woody

    I made them last night – they were delicious!!! Perfect with a little ice cream!!

  43. 43 Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"

    I love your idea to put foil in the pan first! I never thought of that for baking. My dad did that when he painted though. He’d put foil in the pan of paint when he used a roller. These cookies are very good! Of course, I like anything with chocolate! Yummy!

    Sad for the cats, they can’t have chocolate, but then. Daisy had a good idea to substitute catnip!

    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”‘s last blog post..Harry’s Electric Heater Collection & My New Heater

  44. 44 Tracy

    Your snack foods are so much more ambitious than my snack foods. Right now, I just squeeze sweetened condensed milk directly over a Walker’s shortbread cookie and eat over the sink.

  45. 45 TigerTom

    My pancreas ached just scrolling through that post. About the only people who could eat that much sugar and live are Artic explorers.

  46. 46 JD

    Woody: Oh, man—ice cream! Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, well. There’s still plenty of M&Ms left. Just gotta run out and get more dough!

    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”: Well, your dad and I are both pretty smart, I’d say. Foil makes everything easier! Except it is rather bad for cats, I’m told.

    Tracy: adds condensed milk and Walker’s shortbread cookies to shopping list . . .

  47. 47 Corrina

    LMAO – I would like to hornee some of those! Oh God I think I might pee my pants now.

    You are a baking Master. Just know that about yourself!

    Corrina’s last blog post..Why Recycling Is Bad

  48. 48 JD

    TigerTom: Do you really need your pancreas, tho? And where do I sign up to be an Arctic explorer anyway?

    Corrina: Surely you meant to say “a Hornee-ing Master,” right?

  49. 49 Meg

    I do not discriminate against any cookie based on appearance. And I love to have them with beer. It’s a bitter/sweet thing.

    Really.

    Meg’s last blog post..Toronto Story Part I

  50. 50 Rickey Henderson

    Yum, Rickey approves. Well done kiddo. Well done indeed.

    Rickey Henderson’s last blog post..Scenes from the Mets Clubhouse: Singin’ Those Recession Blues

  51. 51 JD

    Meg: I used to love beer and donuts. Have you tried that combo? Oooh, Toronto! Gotta go read . . .

    Rickey Henderson: This please me.

  52. 52 Shieldmaiden96

    And here I thought you were going to dredge them in Nutella.

    Isn’t that a 45 (forty-five) ounce bag of M & Ms? Not a four-point-five ounce? I swear I see forty five in the bag.

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..The Day After

  53. 53 JD

    Shieldmaiden96: Ohhhh, Nutella. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, well. There’s always next batch.

    And . . . DUH! Yes, it’s 45, not 4.5. Can you tell I don’t speak math? Geez. Thanks for noticing that. 45 oz is so much funnier than 4.5 oz!

  54. 54 Shieldmaiden96

    I should mention too that to get that truly perfectly browned cookie bottom AND not have to clean the pan, you need parchment paper rather than foil and no grease. Parchment rocks. And you can do a whole batch of cookies with the same sheet of paper.

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..The Day After

  55. 55 Angelika

    Look for your High Five from me HERE!:-)

    Angelika’s last blog post..Link Love -9/19/08

  56. 56 JD

    Shieldmaiden96: Wow, I am learning all kinds of baking wizardry. I have heard of this “parchment” paper, but I never knew what it was used for. I will definitely try it on my next batch of super-cookies!

    Angelika: Wheeee! Thank you so much!

  57. 57 art brighton

    I admire your adventurous spirit. Although the end result does look a bit like colourful catfood!

    art brighton’s last blog post..Naked Police to support World Naked Bike Ride-Brighton

  58. 58 JD

    art brighton: Thank you! Believe me, the cats did enjoy some of this delicious treat. They are my biggest critics!

  1. 1 Saturday Salutes: 9/20/08 : Special Kind of Stupid - The world is full of stupid. We're just here to document it.

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