Really, tho, I love ALL drag queens. I would love to hang out with a drag queen. If you are a drag queen, please call me so we can be best friends and also so you can show me how to create a cleavage shadow.
Drag queen boyfriends are even BETTER than gay boyfriends (or “goys,” as Carissa Jaded calls them) because of the clothes, obviously. I need more feathers and glitter in my wardrobe. And my drag queen boyfriend could borrow my . . . OK, I guess I don’t have anything a drag queen would want, unless I shave off my hair and make a wig. Which I would totally do in the name of drag queen eleganza.
Yes, bitches, season 2 of RuPaul’s Drag Race has just ended, and with it, the hopes and dreams of another gorgeous Puerto Rican queen. Last year, I shed big girlie tears when my beloved Nina Flowers came in second; this year, spicy Jessica Wild was denied the crown.
Jessica’s tucking skills were beyond reproach, and her delightful take on the English language gave us some of the best moments on the show, including my favorite:
“If I’m going to win, I’m going to win with or without panties.”
Folks, meet my new motto. If these simple words can’t give me the courage to face another day, I don’t know what will.
JD, in her best quavering yet triumphant voice: I WILL be successful, with or without panties!
(But probably with, because GROSS!)
We were graced with another Jessica moment in the episode where the queentestants had to promote their pretend tell-all books. Jessica’s was titled Jessica Wild: Dreams of a Golden Child.
Except guest judge Jackie Collins thought she said, “Dreams of a Golden Shower.”
If you don’t know what a golden shower is, I beg you, do NOT Google it.
. . .
You Googled it, didn’t you?
Anyway, Jessica helpfully provided the Spanish translation, which sounded like “doucha meow.”
When everyone said, “MEOW???” Jessica shyly explained, “The ‘meow’ is the pee.”
Aaaaand, there’s another motto.
Watch it here at 6:00.
If I can’t have a drag queen for a best friend, then I’ll have to settle for a drag queen husband. Wait, why doesn’t that sound right? It seemed like a good idea before I wrote it; now I’m not so sure. Regardless, it’s too late.
Because I already ran Dave’s photo through Logo’s “Dragulator.”
And before you get all indignant about poor old Dave being embarrassed yet again, I DO ask his permission before I post anything. Then, whether he says yes or no, I do it anyway, because life is not fair.
In the words of Jessica Wild, “We are all specials.”
With or without panties.
Jessica came from here