I Like the Previews

You can tell by the lines I’m reciting
That I’ve seen that movie too

I just saw The Dark Knight. It was freaking great and chock-full of nice-lookin’ fellers. The Joker was sexy in a scary, serial-killer way, Bruce Wayne was devilishly handsome, Harry Dent was mostly rather nice to look at, but there was one character who really made my eyelashes flutter:

photo courtesy of http://www.telegraph.co.uk

photo courtesy of http://www.telegraph.co.uk

Yowza! Commissioner Gordon—Scrubbing Bubbles mustache and all. What do you think?

Never mind. What I really want to talk about are the awesome previews shown before Dark Knight. The word “previews” doesn’t even need “awesome” in front of it, because previews are by definition awesome. If I’m late and miss even part of a preview? I will turn around and walk out, because the experience has been ruined.

I figured The Dark Knight would have good previews, and I was right:

Quantum of Solace. So there’s this thing now where Keira Knightley is in every movie, and for a second, I thought I saw her in the preview. But no. Phew. Anyway, this looks bad-ass. James Bond is mad because his girlfriend from the last movie killed herself. He’s in vengeful mode and carries a big gun. Sadly, there does not appear to be a teeny swimsuit scene. This has a Jason Bourne vibe, which isn’t a bad thing at all. Judi Dench even says, “Find Bond.” Didn’t someone say, “Find Bourne”? ALSO! James Bond/Jason Bourne =  same initials! Creepy. More importantly, do you think Daniel Craig is hot or not? I can’t decide. He’s got one of those faces that, if you look at him one way, he’s hot. But then you look again, and . . . not. But he is sexy. Doesn’t it suck that men can be ugly and still be sexy but women have to be pretty, skinny, AND have big boobs?

Watch the trailer

The Watchmen. I’m not really into the whole comic book . . . sorry, GRAPHIC NOVEL thing, but this looks good. Really good. Strange and good, with weird-looking creatures like a see-through naked man and someone with a black-and-white stocking over his face. COOL! Instead of the poundingly insistent music that usually accompanies previews, we get a creepy song by the Smashing Pumpkins. I know, I don’t like them either, but this song is rather awesome. Better still, the movie is by the “visionary director of 300,” that glorious epic that gave us Gerard Butler in leather underpants . . .

. . .

Where was I? Oh, yeah. The Watchmen looks great, even though there are no leather underpants in the preview.

Watch the trailer (again, no leather underpants)

The Day the Earth Stood Still. Ooh! Keanu Reeves is Klaatu (spoiler)! It’s the role he was born to play. This is a remake of the classic 1951 film starring Michael Rennie and Frances “Aunt Bee” Bavier as Mrs. Barley. Let’s see, who plays Mrs. Barley in the remake . . . dang, there is no “Mrs. Barley” listed among the cast. There’s a “Laptop Woman,” tho, so maybe that’s the updated Aunt Bee character. “December 12 . . . IS . . . The Day the Earth Stood Still.” That’s a little grammatically shady but effective nonetheless.

Before you watch the trailer(s), vote for your favorite Klaatu!

Original Klaatu

Keanu Klaatu

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Watch the trailer
Now watch the original trailer

Terminator Salvation. What? Haven’t we done this already? BO-RING! Oh, Christian Bale is in it. All right, then, carry on. This preview doesn’t tell us much, except that the future is probably pretty bleak and people blow stuff up and Christian Bale is HOT even tho we only see his name. We also learn that THE END. BEGINS. Whoever is writing these taglines needs to pick up a copy of Strunk and White.

Watch the trailer

Body of Lies. You know, Russell Crowe does fat just a little too convincingly. Remember thin, good-looking Russell Crowe? I guess he’s proof that men can’t be fat and still be sexy. This also stars Leonardo DiCaprio, who is trying desperately to prove he’s a man and not a pretty little girl by growing some facial hair. Meh.

Watch the trailer or not.

Wow! I thought this post was going to be all about movie previews, but it really seemed to be more about hot guys. Funny how that worked out.

May your summer preview-viewing bring you nothing but hot guys, leather underpants, scary music, and NO Keira Knightley!

_________________

Coming this weekend!

  • I Get a Colonoscopy so you don’t have to (possibly with exciting video!)

And, later this month!

  • I Go to Toronto so you don’t have to
  • I Make an Ill-Advised Purchase so you don’t have to
  • I . . . something about Zombies so you don’t have

_________________

Preview some funny stuff at humor-blogs.

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51 Comments


51 Responses to “I Like the Previews”

  1. 1 Regan

    Yay! I’m the first to comment! Like I said!

    I LOVE the previews. I like seeing all the movies, and when I’m there with my dad, if there’s a good movie preview, I look at him, then we decide if we will se it or not.

  2. 2 Lori

    I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks its unfair that guys can be ugly and still be sexy. And why can a baby’s butt cheek look so cute with its dimples and mine does not? The shaft, we been given the shaft!!

  3. 3 Stephanie in KY

    I wish I could say I read to the end of this post, but any mention of Gerard Butler (particularly if it involves his teeny leather undies) and I turn into a slobbering moron. It should be against the law for a man to be that sexy…and he can sing. It’s just criminal!

  4. 4 Sarah

    I too love the previews. I will get to a movie theather at least ten minutes early so I don’t miss the previews.

  5. 5 April

    I wasn’t sure I wanted to see Quantum of Solace but you just made me rethink that! :-)

    Oh, and I love the previews too.

  6. 6 Alice

    I believe you’ve sold me on “Watchmen”. But I’ll get over the fact that I only saw ghostly abs in that one.

    Alice’s last blog post..Please Don’t Be Shy!

  7. 7 Jeff

    I too am a big fan of the previews. It’s like getting 6 or 8 mini-movies for free!

    Oh, and you’d better bump up your “I go to Toronto so you don’t have to” post because I’m going to Toronto on August 18th and I do have to… so I’d like to read all about it from you first.

    Jeff’s last blog post..It’s Party Time!

  8. 8 Athena

    I love the previews, too! When I went to go see Dark Knight, they only showed ONE PREVIEW (the watchman – which looks good and I thought the same thing about the smashing pumkins song!) and I felt toootally ripped off.

    Athena’s last blog post..Front, back and side to side

  9. 9 Shieldmaiden96

    Himself and I came up with the term ‘trailer movie’, as in, all the parts you really wanted to see are in the trailer, so you don’t have to bother. (98% of the SNL-spawned film projects are a good example) So we sit in the dark, lean over and say, “I’m there” or “Trailer movie” as appropriate during the previews. Watchmen looks awesome. I’m kind of over the James Bond franchise.

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..The Cat Who Broke Jesus

  10. 10 Kathy

    OK, so Kathy’s on the outside looking in again. I’m not a fan of the movie trailer. I resent that in order to get a good seat in the theater, I have to sit through the previews. Wha!!!

    Thank you for reviewing them so I don’t have to, and thank you very especially for sending me over to gaze at the most lovely Daniel Craig. I can so get past the not-exactly-hot look. The only thing better would be to put him in a pair of leather white whitey tighties. Yummalicious!

    Kathy’s last blog post..Dear Aunt Kathy, You Suck

  11. 11 Margaret

    I stress out during the previews. Because if people are talking during the previews you don’t know if they are still going to talk during the movie, so you don’t know whether or not ot tell them to shut up just yet. I’m getting stressed out just thinking about it.

    Margaret’s last blog post..Fact or Myth: Are Mac Users Snobs?

  12. 12 JD

    Regan: YAY! Congratulations. When we saw these previews, my mom whispered, “I don’t think I’ll be seeing ANY of these.” But I want to see them all. Except maybe the last one.

    Lori: You’re right! The shaft! Babies have all the advantages; it’s not fair.

    Stephanie in KY: You may admire Gerard Butler all you like—from afar!—but he is all mine. Yes, he’s gorgeous, has a great body, can sing, AND he has a fantastically sexy Scottish accent, AND he’s funny. Look him up on YouTube; there are some great talk show interviews out there.

    Sarah: I hear ya, sister. That is my favorite part. My husband shifts uncomfortably through each one, but I love them and wish they would never stop. I am not so much a fan of the commercials, tho.

    April: Yeah, I think it looks pretty good! The last James Bond movie was quite excellent. Nothing more sexy than a vengeful Daniel Craig. Hopefully in leather underpants.

    Alice: I’m hoping for a little more hot guy action in The Watchmen myself. I’ll take ghostly abs if that’s all that’s on offer.

    Jeff: Whoa! We’re both going to be in Toronto the same time . . . I think. We’re going to Niagara Falls on the 18th and 19th then driving to Toronto. Maybe we’ll have to share a post?

    (And for the price of movies, they’d better give us 6 or 8 mini-movies for free!)

    Athena: One preview is simply not good enough—even if it’s an awesome preview like The Watchmen. I know YouTube is a poor substitute, but at least you can see the other ones there.

    Shieldmaiden96: You are so right. And I hate it when they give away stuff in the trailers, which they almost always do.

    I was over James Bond when Pierce Brosnan was in it, but Daniel Craig has rekindled my interest. And by rekindled I mean CENSORED

    Kathy: Oh, my god. Thanks a lot, Kathy! How am I supposed to get any work done thinking about Daniel Craig in leather white whitey tighties??? faints

    Margaret: That is so true. I get very nervous when people start talking during the previews, as if the previews aren’t JUST AS IMPORTANT as the movie. Do they think it’s OK to talk during the previews? It’s not.

  13. 13 Jeff

    Holy canolli! We’re going to be at Niagara Falls like the day before you and then head up to Toronto. We’d better make sure we’re not gonna accidentally be somewhere at the same time and miss each other. That would be tragic!

    Jeff’s last blog post..It’s Party Time!

  14. 14 Susan

    I haven’t seen The Dark Knight, but any role with Gary Oldman in it I automatically love. Even with that mustache. And I’m not a big fan of facial hair, but Leo made it work for me in Blood Diamond. It might have been the accent too, I loved that.

    I love the trailers too. Do you have HDNet by chance? If so, you must know about the many all-movie-trailers shows they have. I couldn’t remember the channel for sure, so I just looked it up:

    http://www.hd.net/program_search_results.html?keyword=trailers&whattosearch=both&ws=1

    That’s a lot of trailers!

    Susan’s last blog post..PhotoHunt: Clouds

  15. 15 Jay

    I like the previews too, so you don’t have to watch them for me. Thanks, though! LOL!

    As to Commissioner Gordon – what do I think? I think Johnny Depp did that look better in the Ninth Gate. Ooooooh, yeah! *Dribbles onto keyboard*

    I’m putting in a link to a photobucket pic. Just remove it if you don’t like links in your comments. ;)

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v458/jayemess53/Ninth/ninth153.jpg

    Jay’s last blog post..It’s life, Jim …

  16. 16 windyridge

    Ok too weird. I just mentioned seeing the Dark Knight on my blog. The Joker was amazing! The subtlest things he did were so good. And the commish? Well I have loved this guy since True Romance. He is actually a very accomplished actor, Shakesperean and otherwise. He was in that crazy scary Dracula movie years ago. I just saw him as a lawyer at a very young age in a movie on IFC. He is incredibly versatile and can play any part it seems.

    windyridge’s last blog post..Vacation 08 and Rascal’s Barbed Tongue

  17. 17 Rickey Henderson

    Nice preview, Rickey approves. As far as the Watchmen goes, have no fear about it also having been made by the same guy who did “300.” That just isn’t a graphic novel that deserves a shot for shot film version. Watchmen is, end of story. Rickey, out.

    Rickey Henderson’s last blog post..Rickey’s Life Through Music Part III: The World of Tomorrow

  18. 18 JD

    Jeff: Oh, my heck! Maybe we should arrange to meet at the top of the CN Tower, like in Sleepless in Seattle (only Toronto). Then, if you don’t show up, I’ll throw myself under a cab. Just like in the movie!

    Jay: Me likey linky. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ninth Gate, but you can be sure it will be in my Netflix Queue before the day is out. Johnny Depp certainly does rock the Scrubbing Bubbles mustache!

    Susan: No HDNet, sadly, but I will check out that link. I may have to look into it . . .

    Gary Oldman is pretty much God in my book.

    windyridge: YES! I agree with you re: Heath Ledger AND Gary Oldman (see above). I have loved him since Sid and Nancy and Prick up Your Ears and seen just about everything since then. YES!

    Rickey Henderson: Wheee! I got Rickey’s approval. Cool. So are you saying you were disappointed in 300? I know it was a graphic novel, too, but I was not familiar with the source material. Oh, what am I going on about? THERE WERE LEATHER UNDERPANTS! WITH GERARD BUTLER IN THEM!

  19. 19 Chat Blanc

    woohoo! just keep pointing me toward hot men in movies! :)

    Chat Blanc’s last blog post..Suggestions by Sandy

  20. 20 Lisa Lisa

    I like most previews. They can be really exciting and get you all pumped up to watch a movie but at the same time VERY deceiving. I was watching the previews for a movie called “Shoot ‘Em Up”. Man I thought that movie was going to be awesome. I couldn’t wait to watch the movie. So I watch the movie and I have to say that it was the cheesiest movie I’ve seen in a long time if not the cheesiest movie ever. The previews left out the parts where he eats carrots through out the whole movie and cracks really dumb Bugs Bunny jokes. He even kills a few guys with it… Yeah! He actually KILLS some of the bad guys with a CARROT?!?!? WTF! Can I get my money back please!!! So a few weeks later I watched another movie and it had previews for “Shoot ‘Em Up” and I’m sorry but even after knowing how incredibly bad that movie was it looked like an awesome movie. Damn those previews. Sometimes they are TOO good..

  21. 21 dcr

    Wait a minute, not only is Keira Knightley not in Quantum of Solace, she’s not in any of these other movies either. What’s with that? Kind of blows away your theory, doesn’t it?

    I think she is going to be starring in a new movie, though. It’s called Don’t Photoshop Me, Dude!

    dcr’s last blog post..Michigan Monday, or Yet Another Reason Pete will Never See a Guest Post from Me

  22. 22 Musing

    You can have Gerard Butler as long as I get Johnny Depp.

    Musing’s last blog post..First kiss

  23. 23 Ethanator1088

    I am going to watch the Dark Night This Sunday! It is going to rock!

    Ethanator1088′s last blog post..How Do You Like Your Coffee, Funny Video

  24. 24 Jenn

    DH and I are like that too, although he’s a die-hard preview watcher. We have to be at the theater at least 30 minutes before-hand or he feels like we run the risk of missing the trailers and, in that case, we have to pick a totally different movie time.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Good Discipline

  25. 25 Rickey Henderson

    yea dude, Rickey could’ve done without all the naked man cavorting in ’300′. Especially when he saw it in IMAX. We’re talking man-nips the size of VWs… Jesus.

    Rickey Henderson’s last blog post..Rickey’s Summer Olympics Preview, AKA, Our Desperate Search for a Sporting Event Not Featuring the Mets

  26. 26 Canucklehead

    Toronto, eh? Interested …

  27. 27 JD

    Rickey Henderson: Sigh. If only they’d been naked. And giant man-nips? Brrrr. Not appealing.

    Canucklehead: How close are you to Toronto? Any chance of meeting me and Tim and Kathy for a cup of Tim Horton’s?

  28. 28 Jenny

    I agree … Keira overload, not good. Too much of a good thing can be awesome when it’s Johnny Depp or Christian Bale, but not so much Keira. Perhaps the gentlemen among us will disagree.

    RE: Christian Bale … the man is so hot he makes sticks of dynamite look like icicles. I love Christian Bale. In my Hollywood hot-man category he is second only to Johnny. Did I mention I love Christian Bale? Christian Bale is very hot.

    I haven’t seen The Dark Knight. I heard it’s scary so I’m not too sure I will … but I want to see Brideshead Revisited because Keira’s not in it.

    Jenny’s last blog post..Six Fours (And More) … Part Two

  29. 29 Kelly

    I have to agree with you on the Dark Knight (except for Commissioner Gordon, but you expected that). And Terminator. Seriously? Do we really need another one? We have had three AND a television series. Let it go.

    Anyway, LOVE your blog! Found it via ECard dropping and I’m going to add you to my blogroll. LOVE IT!

    Kelly’s last blog post..Pause for a Pedicure

  30. 30 Tim

    Hey, you don’t need to watch the previews for me. Good preview recap tho.
    Too bad Toronto wasn’t closer to Alberta….. actually, nevermind. I don’t know what I was thinking there for a second! We better keep that riff raff over on the east end of Canada.
    Glad to see you could make it to the Redneck the other night :)

    Tim’s last blog post..“Weird Al” Yankovic Plays The Redneck Bar and Grill

  31. 31 Babs - beetle

    I’m afraid, you’ve lost me on this one :O) I can’t remember the last time I went to the cinema. It must have been at least a year ago… maybe longer. I’ve never been a big movie goer. I can take or leave trailers, but usually prefer to wait for a DVD to be released, if it’s a movie I want to see. I hate having to sit still in a seat throughout a movie.

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..What not to do in church!

  32. 32 JD

    Jenny: Do you, by any chance, happen to like Christian Bale? It’s very hard to tell from your comment.

    Kelly: Oh, I’m disappointed you don’ share my Commissioner Gordon love. Having said that, we are definitely on the same page re: Terminator. I agree: ENOUGH!

    (and thank you!)

    Tim: HA! And thanks. And, what’s wrong with Toronto? I guess I’ll find out. And don’t be so sure I won’t hunt you down while I’m “up there.”

    Babs – beetle: I prefer lounging on my couch to sitting in a movie seat, too, but I do love the big-screen experience (that is, when babies aren’t screaming, cell phones aren’t blurping, and smelly people aren’t right in front of me).

  33. 33 Channah @ Get a Grip, Mom!

    Heheh, your reviews of the trailers made me laugh right out loud.

    Channah @ Get a Grip, Mom!’s last blog post..Tasty Tuesday: Channah’s Sweet & Sour Coleslaw

  34. 34 Bee

    My husband is a Graphic Novel Connoisseur ::wink:: so he’s very upset he didn’t get to see The Watchman preview on the big screen.

    I don’t get Gary Oldman but then I still have a little crush on Oscar the Grouch so who am I to judge?

    Bee’s last blog post..What came first? The chicken or the chick who likes to eat them?

  35. 35 JD

    Channah: Excellent! Just the reaction I was going for. (And did you like the hot guys?)

    Bee: Oh, that’s a shame about The Watchmen preview. It was awesome. As for Oscar the Grouch? Hmmm . . . yeah. I can see it.

  36. 36 jeter harris

    i luved dark knight. thankz fer da preview!
    can we talk abowt da colonoscopy?
    dat’zza intrestin concept.
    har!
    yerz–jh

    jeter harris’s last blog post..wut da wednesday

  37. 37 ann of the shampoo bag

    I do enjoy the previews, except there are so many of them that sometimes I forget what movie I came to watch.

  38. 38 Elle

    Gerard Butler… leather underpants…. somebody get a fire extinguisher and a large vat of smelling salts. One or the other should work.

    Elle’s last blog post..Exhibit A – the BBBrownies

  39. 39 Sarah

    this is the shit! lol I’ll be adding this to my sites and be back to see about those future posts lol

    Sarah’s last blog post..The Message

  40. 40 JD

    ann of the shampoo bag: I know, right! Or I feel disappointed that the movie I came to see isn’t one of the ones I saw in the exciting previews.

    Elle: Pass the smelling salts, please.

    Sarah: WOOOO! Thanks! Hope you stick around. More fun stuff to come (if you consider a colonoscopy fun, which I most certainly DO!)

  41. 41 Florida Girl In Sydney

    My husband purposely makes us 20 minutes late for any movie so we miss the previews. We were actually 30 minutes late for Mamma Mia and the previews were still going– I was really gonna be mad if we missed the beginning… thank goodness for very long previews.

    Can’t wait to see Dark Knight, I don’t think it’s out in Australia yet.

    Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Can I See Your ID?

  42. 42 Cathy-wheresmydamnanswer

    I love your reviews – I just watched the day the earth stood still trailer and that looks like it will be great – Love disaster movies and bonus that sexy man is in it!!

  43. 43 JD

    Florida Girl in Sydney: Thirty minutes is some kind of record. A happy record! I’d love to have to sit through 30 minutes of previews, but my husband would probably get up and walk out.

    Cathy—wheresmydamnanswer: Yeah! We defnitely have similar taste. I thought all those previews looked pretty good. But, as we know, a move does not always live up to its preview.

  44. 44 Arcade Games Fanatic

    Not entirely true. I based watching movies on reviews from critics.

  45. 45 JD

    Arcade Games Fanatic: What isn’t entirely true? That Gerard Butler is extremely hot in leather underpants? You dare to challenge the veracity of that statement? You wanna take this outside?

  46. 46 brooke regans friend

    i kinda like the previews because if the movie is bad like meet the spartans i can remember the previews

  47. 47 JD

    brooke regans friend: But sometimes the previews lie. They show you the best scenes, and sometimes . . . that’s all there is!

  48. 48 Matt

    There were some surprisingly good previews before the Dark Knight and I’m looking forward to the Watchmen and Quantum of Solace.

    Body of Lies looks interesting and I’m glad Leo is playing more down and dirty, rugged characters like in the Departed and Blood Diamonds.

    Great blog!

    Matt’s last blog post..Transformers 2 Explosions Filmed By Fans

  49. 49 JD

    Matt: Thank you! And thanks for stopping by. I usually love most previews, just because they’re previews, but you’re right: The DK ones were great. I wasn’t the least bit interested in The Watchmen before I saw that trailer.

  50. 50 Lisa

    Dark Knight is great. Trailer of DK is awesome too!

    Lisa’s last blog post..Keanu Reeves in for new ‘Jekyll’

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