I Like Porn

Don’t drink, don’t smoke
What do you do? *

bathtub_lady1.jpg

Oh, yeah, you heard me. I like porn. Especially porn as defined by the geniuses behind the book Porn for Women. But also regular porn, too. Still, this other Porn for Women is pretty good stuff. Inside you’ll find pictures of (mostly) hunky and sometimes shirtless guys doing household chores and saying things like “I don’t have to have a reason to bring you flowers,” “I know. Let’s take you shoe shopping,” and my personal favorite “Have another piece of cake. I don’t like you looking so thin.” Sigh. That’s almost as good as a . . . nah, it’s not. But it’s not bad.

Ladies, how many times have you longed to hear these words?

craft_fair_porn1.jpg

Well, not only did I get this book for Christmas, I got my own living, breathing version of Porn for Women. Check it out:

dave_porn.jpg

Oh, my God! I’m still quivering. Look at the masterful way he holds the dishtowel. The bold posture of a true dish-washing stud. The look of sexy determination in his eyes—a determination to get every last blob of crusted-on gravy. Back off, girls. He’s all mine.

But I don’t want you to think that my Christmas was all about porn. A JD Christmas is well-rounded.

It’s about knitted socklets as made by my awesome mom . . .

present_with_socklet.jpg

. . . and modeled by her weirdo kids!

4_with_socklets.jpg

The holiday breakfast tradition of orange rolls and coffee:

orange-rolls_and_coffee.jpg

Christmas dinner wouldn’t taste the same without some cat-butted napkins:

cat_butt_napkins.jpg

And I couldn’t have made dinner at all without my mom in her spiffy apron:

mom_apron.jpg

At our house, cats get wrapped gifts . . .

is_this_for_me.jpg

. . . while Dave gets a box of raisins:

dave_and_raisins.jpg

And for some of us, Christmas means never taking a bad picture, even while wearing a paper crown:

wannee_crown.jpg

I hope your Christmas was filled with all the best kinds of porn.

* Today’s lyrics are courtesy of the decidely un-Christmasy Adam Ant

Be Sociable, Share!



23 Comments


23 Responses to “I Like Porn”

  1. 1 Jeff

    A guess a book called “Porn for Men” has been done huh?

    Remind me to bring my own napkins if I ever stop by. ;-)

  2. 2 Kathy

    I gotta get me some of that porn. Look how handsome your man is with that dish towel!!!

    It looked really fun at your house for Christmas, aside from the cat butt napkins.

    Sadly, my Christmas was porn-free. Maybe next year [queue porn music].

    Kathy’s last blog post..A Tech Tip From My Cat

  3. 3 JD

    Jeff: Uh…yeah, I think you guys are covered on the porn front. Let us girls have our day in the sun.

    I’d love for you to stop by, and I promise to use only napkins with an unbroken seal.

    Kath: What is it about men with dishtowels? Does it to me every time. I’m really sorry Santa didn’t bring you any porn this year. Maybe he heard you hate X-mas music? bow-chick-a-bow

    JD’s last blog post..I Like Porn so you don’t have to

  4. 4 fracas

    I love you JD!

    I have a post I’ve been cooking up.. and it’s about porn. I was going to include you in it (I’ll let you know how shortly) and I’m so glad to get here and find out you love porn. It’s such a relief!

    Now I have to go see if I have your email address. I think I do.

    fracas’s last blog post..Wet t-shirt photo of fracas – first attempt.

  5. 5 pawhealer

    Awwww….that was a nice post. Love the cat butter napkins!

  6. 6 JD

    Fracas!: I can’t wait for your porn post! PORN! It’s what’s for dinner.

    Pawhealer!: I still have some of those napkins. I can send them to you, if you like.

    JD’s last blog post..I Like Porn so you don’t have to

  7. 7 Canucklehead

    Oh, I’m sorry … I just stopped by to deliver the pizza? Do you want me to come back? it appears that umm, I’ve caught you at a bad time – all naked and stuff … and why is that dude only wearing a dishtowel? No, I don’t need a napkin thanks. A tip? No that’s okay … well, I suppose I could come in for a minute ….. (bow-chicka-wow-wow) ….

  8. 8 JD

    Canucklehead You are cracking me up. Now get in here with that pizza!

    JD’s last blog post..I Like Porn so you don’t have to

  9. 9 Canucklehead

    when you said ‘hold the pepperoni’ well, i just assumed you meant … aww, forget it – Happy New year. Not too worry – I’ll get good and drunk so you don’t have to!
    All the best in ’08.

  10. 10 JD

    Oh, C-head (if I may call you that): Don’t you know I asked for bacon on that pizza? Now, I will hold that pepperoni while you start drinking. It’s going to be a long year…

    JD’s last blog post..I Like Porn so you don’t have to

  11. 11 fracas

    JD! I’ve tagged you for my telephone game. I’m sure you’re what we need to kick that thing back in place for the New Year.

    Tranferring this call over to you JD…

    fracas’s last blog post..This call’s been on hold…

  12. 12 Amy

    I LOVE that kind of porn! :) Heheh. I dream about this porn all the time! :)

  13. 13 Gerri

    Nothing puts me in the mood more than seeing a man do the dishes!

    Happy New Year!

    btw – I arrived here via the Redneck Bar and Grill. I finally sobered up after their New Years Bash.

  14. 14 JD

    Amy: Welcome! Yes, this is good stuff, isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by to check out my porn. Your Taiwan photos are incredible!

    Gerri: Oh, I’ve heard all about you from Ernie and Tim. That NY party sounded like fun. Unfortunately, I was asleep by 9. Glad to hear you’ve recovered. Thanks for stopping by, and Happy New Year to you, too!

    JD’s last blog post..I Like Porn so you don’t have to

  15. 15 cardiogirl

    Now that’s my kinda porn.

    And I don’t find anything strange about cats receiving wrapped presents for Christmas. Before my cat got kicked out (kid is allergic and has asthma) he received many wrapped Christmas presents. Now he lives in the lap of luxury at my husband’s cousin’s house. I doubt he even has to *wish* for a wrapped present anymore, such is his regal lifestyle.

    Nothing wrong with that.

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..Using my anxiety for good (mostly) instead of evil

  16. 16 JD

    Cardiogirl: I think the puzzled look on my cat’s face wasn’t so much “Why are you giving me this package” as “Why aren’t there more packages with my name on them?” Or he could just have had a gas bubble.

    Nice to *see* you!

    JD’s last blog post..I Play the Telephone Game so you don’t have to

  17. 17 lynn

    dang unique, since its my idea, too !

    yep, i think this blog is really, really very cool, …

    ofcourse, i would,

    since think that since its “OnE” of my most recent ideas, too !

    maybe we can unite to help each other ?

    contact me:

    misslynne [at] gmail.com

    lynn’s last blog post..EverYonE CannoT know the secrets !!?

  18. 18 Natural

    good thing i actually read this post instead of just commenting:

    “me too honey”

    whew.

  19. 19 Natalie

    Loving the Adam Ant lyrics

  20. 20 Mariana

    Yes this article totally misses the point. I agree with ‘Regulargirl’ there is nothing wrong with sex, or porn- the problem is how women are portrayed. You only have to look at the titles given to alot of porn clips- ‘whore’, ‘slut’, ‘bitch’, ‘gagging for it’, to get a flavour of how misogynist porn has become. I couldn’t believe my eyes the first time I saw these titles- I was furious. Porn alone does not make rapists but no wonder some men do behave as they do or believe the female is at fault if she is raped- because women are portrayed all too often as objects/meat, who are gagging for men to please them. A man banging at me like a dog is not pleasure. There’s no love in porn. I also think porn has an enormous amount to answer for in terms of how both men and women feel about their bodies- porn tells you that it is not attractive or normal to have pubic hair. what? so women are supposed to look like barbies or pre-pubescent children? This is so damaging. Porn itself is fine, fantastic, but porn in the mainstream is for men, and nobody should kid themselves it’s empowering women. As for ‘Anonymous 983′ his comment on feminists being ‘fat, ugly’ and ‘couldn’t get laid’ says more than enough about him.

  21. 21 tmaggs

    Haha this is a clever idea for a book
    .-= tmaggs´s last blog ..Hollywoods Greatest Sex Symbol =-.

  22. 22 Frederik Have Lehmann

    I think you are absouletely right
    Free porn tube

  1. 1 buy valium

Subscribe

Subscribe by RSS Feeds


I Do Kindle


Read my blog on Kindle



Read a Random Thing





Categories









Blog Widget by LinkWithin