I Invented a Disease
51 Comments Published by JD September 3rd, 2008 in I Am Grossed Out, I Get Personal.Dancing screaming itching squealing fevered
Feeling hot hot hot!!!
Well, so far, I haven’t begun to display any symptoms of the dreaded Canadian Hot Dog Mysteriosis.
But let’s not get too cocky.
I may have Humidity Sickness.
Is there such a thing? If there isn’t, there should be. I’ve Googled several variations of the term and I can’t find anything to support my theory that Humidity Sickness is an actual illness. Apparently your house can be “humidity sick,” and it’s not unusual to be sick of humidity, but what about Humidity Sickness—getting sick from humidity?
If anyone out there has any information, please let me know. Or, actually, don’t. I’d rather go on believing that I have invented a disease.
I’ll tell you what I know: when it’s humid, you get this disease. In theory, it can strike anyone, but so far I’m finding that women in their mid-40s to mid-50s seem to be the main victims. Weird . . .
Symptoms
- crabbiness
- excessive sweating
- fatigue
- violent outbursts at husband who refuses to turn on the air conditioning
Humidity Sickness is why I’m happy to say adieu to summer. I’m not the only one who feels this way, either. When I was a kid, summer was fun. I don’t think we had humidity way back then, or maybe my hormones weren’t so much an issue when I was 8. I dunno. But my friends and I would play, ride our bikes, stay outside all day no matter how hot it got. Maybe it was all the sugar. Did I even sweat as a child? I don’t think so. I don’t remember my feet swelling or having to change my clothes several times a day.
If I were more of an outdoorsy person, Humidity Sickness would be a greater threat. As it is, I’m happy to draw the blinds on even the sunniest of days and watch schlocky horror films as the ice cream truck jangles away outside, barely audible over the roar of the air conditioning.
And so, with the departure of summer, we should see a great decline in Humidity Sickness. That is to say, you will probably see fewer and fewer women walking around with those little toy fans, muttering under their breath at their stingy husbands.
If You Want to Avoid Humidity Sickness
- Stay inside all summer. Turn on the A/C, no matter what your husband says. The hospital bills from your Humidity Sickness treatment will be far greater than your A/C bill.
- Get lots of rest. Exercise—even getting up from your bed!—increases the severity of Humidity Sickness.
- Eat lots of sugar. I’m still working on this part of the treatment, but I think cupcakes provide the best source of humidity-fighting sugar.
_____________________________
It’s no sweat to smile
51 Comments
finally… an honest to goodness scientific excuse for keeping the air conditioning on all day.
thanks.
kouji’s last blog post..haiku poem: g is for green leaves
Oh, it exists. I’m a perfect gauge. My hands and feet swell up to twice their normal size. I have oven mitts and gorilla feet for three months out of the year. What I’m trying to figure out is if I can take summers off and call it medical leave.
Kathy’s last blog post..Where Do You Blog?
i was just thinking about this the other day. why is it that when we were kids humidity was never an issue? i grew up in florida and was outside all.the.time. i live in new jersey now and i swear it’s worse here. ugh! thanks for the tips though. i’m going to have to test out the cupcake/sugar theory. i’ll let you know what i find out.
Kelly’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
When I was a kid we traveled hundreds of miles on vacation with the windows down. Now I keep my air on in the car for 6 months of the year. Spouse doesn’t like it, but I tend to ignore him.
Meg’s last blog post..Sarah Palin is VP
Of course it exists! Do you think you could write me a ‘Doctor’s Note’ saying I have Humidity Sickness and I can’t participate in gym class? That would be great. =)
It was really hot outside yesterday…. but at least it will get a little colder. And then… SNOW! YAYYYYY!
Get well soon from your humidity sickness!
p.s. Maybe you’ll win a spiffy award and some money from some doctors for inventing a diesease!
I believe in humidity sickness. It makes me lethargic and grumpy.
I can’t stand getting all sticky sitting in a vehicle. I always have the AC on if the sun is up, and my wife keeps reaching over to shut it off. Fortunately(?), summer is pretty much over in Alberta so it’ll probably snow soon and end the threat. It was -2 Celsius when I got up yesterday, with frost on the windshield.
Tim’s last blog post..Mmmm…very tasty
I am doing a happy dance now that summer is over. It’s nice and cool around here again (well, 6 C this morning is a titch more than cool, but I’ll still take it) and the fall breeze has blown back my energy level.
I don’t know how people can live in the humid south. I would melt.
Bring on Autumn!!!!
Maureen’s last blog post..I Am Sooooo Smart!
JD, you’re a genius! Do you think I can use humidity sickness as an excuse to stay home from work until this heat wave breaks? My husband and I are trying not to use the AC in the car to save on gas, and I come back from lunch every day a red, grumpy, sweaty ball of misery.
BTW, those Cure lyrics were great for this post, and very descriptive of how this weather makes me feel…except I’m WAY too lethargic for dancing and screaming. It’s more like lying around and moaning. The itching and squealing is appropriate, though, since I seem to get roughly 20 new mosquito bites every stinkin’ day.
I think it’s quite clever
inventingdiscovering a disease that is a perfect excuse. So let’s see if I’ve the any of symptoms:* crabbiness (check)
* excessive sweating (check)
* fatigue (check)
* violent outbursts at
husbandeverybody else including the bus driver who refuses to turn on the air conditioning (check)Yep, Humidity sickness exists.
Jaffer’s last blog post..Good riddance Summer !
kouji: YES! It’s the science that makes it so good. If anyone doubts that you need the A/C, just bellow: “SCIENCE!”
Kathy: I think I speak for everyone when I say: Please post a picture of your gorilla feet. Thank you. And, yes, I’m pretty sure, if we just spread the word, that you can take paid summers off.
Kelly: I knew it wasn’t just me! I wish I had the tolerance of my youth. Since I don’t, I just load up on the cupcakes. Please let me know of your findings.
Meg: I can’t believe I ever lived without air-conditioning. And sometimes, when I’m feeling really wasteful (and there’s no humidity), I roll down the windows AND turn on the air. For the fresh air, you know.
Regan: While I have pretty much finalized the patent on this new disease, I’m not an actual doctor, HOWEVER! Your own doctor will no doubt have heard all about Humidity Sickness, so say good-bye to gym class! (I’d BETTER get an award!)
Tim: “I always have the AC on if the sun is up.” Yup. A sure sign of a Humidity Sickness sufferer. On the other hand, frost? Yikes.
Maureen: Woo! Bring on Autumn, indeeeeeed! We finally have a cool day here, too. It feels delightful. Windows open, nice breeze—so what if it’s cloudy and rainy? I’m not going anywhere!
Stephanie in KY: Oh, I do feel for you. With gas prices the way they are, Humidity Sickness sufferers are paying the price. I’m pretty sure, if not by the end of THIS summer, then by NEXT summer, Humidity Sickness will be recognized as an official disease, and we’ll all get to stay home and blast the AC. (So glad you like the Cure lyrics!
Jaffer: Um, yes, discovering is the correct term here, I think. And I’m very happy to be hearing from some men who are feeling these symptoms. It means the disease is much more widespread than I’d thought. Bus drivers can be as stubborn as husbands, so that is definitely a valid criteria.
This is brilliant! I just realized that I’ve suffered from this since I was a kid. I remember standing in a pool of my own sweat and nearly passing out in the middle of the softball field. For some reason I don’t think redheads are meant to be out in the sun and humidity EVER.
Okay, I’m going to alert WebMD now.
chat blanc’s last blog post..My need for feeds
Hmmmm. I guess I don’t suffer from it. Oh sure, the fatigue… but I have that ALL the time. Maybe I’m more fatigued when it’s humid, though. A little.
Kelly’s last blog post..Skateboards? And a Mug!
Oh yes! Now I know it’s not just me!
Like Kathy, my hands and feet puff up like balloons! I call my feet ‘Pig’s trotter feet’ I actually can’t get my shoes on, and sometimes wonder if my fingers will drop off from the tightness of my rings!
I would have said it was hormonal except I had it (to a slightly lesser degree) when I was a teenager. Hold on though. Do men get this?
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..At last, it’s done!
i’m sorry JD, i’m going to need you to sing this one. get in the recording studio and starting singing, no you have to sang…not sing, but sang. i’ll be waiting in walmart in the music section for it to appear.
Natural’s last blog post..Here’s To You…and Me
I think we have all suffered from this sickness at one time or another – it’s practically an epidemic.
I don’t have to deal too much with humidity up here in Washington state, but it would get rather humid in central Oklahoma when I lived there – my next least favorite symptom, after all the ones you listed?
There is NO such thing as a good hair day!!! It’s either flat and greasy looking…or puffy and frizzy and sticks to your face. GRR!
Angi’s last blog post..I Was Robbed!
I haven’t physically crossed 40 yet, but I have those symptoms, I thought I was just fat, carrying around extra weight and pinching the nerve that signals: you’re going to need a change of clothes. Thanks to you I now know what I have and I just saved 15% on my car insurance. You da best, JD! JD for VP.
okay i’m a DOPE. my comment up top belongs at the bottom. what the? everytime i come here i mess up something. lol
Natural’s last blog post..Here’s To You…and Me
The AC is seriously turned on here about 9 months out of 12. Life without AC? Nuh uh. Cant even think about it, wont do it, no thank you. I like your suggestion that sugar fights humidity…I’ll be self medicating until summer is over (November).
Athena’s last blog post..Slingin’ sandwiches
“or maybe my hormones weren’t so much an issue when I was 8″
ROFL!!!
Um, yeah, I think that could be it! LOL!
It’s all very well for you guys in hot places to wish summer was over – we’re still waiting for ours! And we get humidity in the winter, which means that the cold goes right through you and settles in your bones… I am so not ready for that to start all over again.
Jay’s last blog post..This stuff is getting to me
Glad you found my site through entrecard – made me check out yours and now I subscribe! Great, original blog – I look forward to seeing you in my reader often!
Jennae’s last blog post..Monday Movie Mash-Up
chat blanc: You’re right! Another important detail to add to my thesis. Redheads are especially susceptible to Humidity Sickness. And it’s very interesting that you suffered as a child. You may be quite a rare case.
Kelly: Consider yourself very lucky (well, not lucky to have fatigue all the time). Perhaps you’ll volunteer to answer a 700-question survey so I can find out more about your non-Humidity Sickness anomaly?
Babs – beetle: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And yes, apparently there are a very few men who do suffer from this (see Tim’s and Jaffer’s comments, above). If it’s not too inconvenient, you can walk around with your hands in the air to reduce the swelling in your fingers.
Angi: Thank you so much for your input. I’ll be moving to Washington immediately. And thanks for bringing up a very important point about the hair: tho I have to say, I’m the exception that proves the rule. My hair turns AWESOME in humidity. Weird, eh?
Natural: Woo! I’d make a great VP! They don’t actually have to do anything, do they? No, Natural, you are NOT fat. You simply suffer from Humidity Sickness. Millions of women will now be going off their diets and rejoicing.
I was wondering about that comment! I have to sang about Humidity Sickness? OK . . .
Athena: Self-medicating is very wise when it comes to Humidity Sickness. I don’t think it’s possible to overdose, either.
Jay: You think? Well, I’m sorry to hear that you suffer from the rare Winter Humidity Sickness. I’m going to have to do some research into this.
Jennae: Oh, thank YOU! That video you posted gave me awesome nightmares. And I like the rest of your site, too. Go, Entrecard!
Move to Michigan. I don’t remember the summers being this hot up there.
dcr’s last blog post..Happy Mantis
Please add women in their 30’s to that list. I get nasty when I start sweating!
Fancy’s last blog post..Dolphin Lab
I remember one summer in the UK when the humidity was unbearable. It also rained solidly for two months. Indoors was like a furnace (British houses are not designed for intense heat, so no AC) and outside was slightly less wilting but wet as a mermaid’s undies.
It was a lose-lose situation! Where do you go? Apart from mad?
Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Kawaii
As an Arkansan I laugh at your Illinois humidity. Hah, hah, hah!
Living in these parts is like living in a swamp. You’d have to go to Houston to find more humidity, but that only stands to reason — is there anywhere more humid and miserable than Houston?
I, like you, don’t think we had this humidity problem in the summer. Things have changed due to global humidifying, I suspect.
The Hawg’s last blog post..Get some of that old time radio
The symptoms also sound like menopause.
Anndi’s last blog post..more holidays – or starvation leads to odd posts
Humidity in the summer is the same as the wind chill in winter. At both times I am forced to stay inside my house until the spell changes to something more civilized. I need to live where it’s room temperature all year round. Is there such a place?
dcr: We may be moving, in fact. Explanatory post on the way . . .
Fancy: Oh, dear. This is more widespread than I thought. Thank you for your invaluable contribution to my research!
Tiggy: I’m assuming that you did, in fact, go mad, and that’s why there’s all that stuff coming out of your brain?
The Hawg: Oh, I have heard about the horrible humidity of Houston and its environs. I guess it figures that Arkansas would be humid too. Still, who discovered Humidity Sickness, hmmmm? An Illinoisian!
Anndi: YES! Funny, isn’t it? But there are some male victims, so we can’t narrow it down yet.
ann of the shampoo bag: There must be a place on this globe with no humidity and no wind chill. Also no tornados, floods, earthquakes, snow, or hail. I do like a good thunderstorm, tho.
Here’s your award! I hope you like it.
http://s73.photobucket.com/albums/i236/warriors34/?action=view¤t=somespiffyaward.jpg
Oh ICK- is there anything worse than wet, sticky hot?? UGH I need a cold shower just thinking about it.
Corrina’s last blog post..I [Heart] Days Off
This is a two sided issue for me.
Side one: it’s really hot in the dorms. We have THREE fans going with the window open most of the time. I’ve heard that it STAYS this hot in the dorms until… well forever! So on this side, please bring winter, BUT
Side two: Since the dorms are really humid/warm and the outside it getting cooler, you practically need to strip while walking in the building because you wore a sweatshirt outside to keep from freezing. PLUS I am not looking forward to the snow. I keep picture that picture of snow that Jeff had back in like April. *shudders* So on that side i’m begging winter to take a vacation in let’s say Florida?
I really hated this morning waking up and seeing it was currently 42 with a high of 68. Temperatures simply should not change that much in one day.
Sarah’s last blog post..Happy Labor Day!
I am convinced that you have discovered the very thing that my mom is suffering from!
Lux’s last blog post..The Aftermath
“Eat lots of sugar.” I have a major sweet tooth and if this is the way to get out of it I am totally in.lol. I suffer from fatigue because I am self employed and I end up working for 18-20 hours at stretch. How are your two cats coping up with this?
Scratch Bags’s last blog post..Points Of View
I am pretty sure my Mommie has this disease, too. It is a truly insidious disease that even affects the hair follicles resulting in many a ruined hairdo.
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Where I Take On The Rubber Chicken!
I grew up in South Florida– dare I say “Humidity Capital of the World”???
Oh yes, Humidity Sickness is a very real illness and should be avoided at all cost.
Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Texas Saves the Day
Our summer here in Texas has been nothing but humid. Absolute misery. So, before you gave me those wonderful tips on how to avoid getting sick from it, I had decided t o just stay indoors. I do not think I have been anywhere this summer that required me to not be in an air conditioned building.
Monique’s last blog post..Damn You Askimet!
Regan! It’s beautiful! Thank you. I especially like the money part. When I get around to creating a trophy case, this award will definitely be included.
Corrina: It is a blessed 62 degrees here. And I’m still suffering from post-Humidity Sickness effects. Just one cup of coffee, and I’m a sweaty mess.
Sarah: I feel for you, sister. I remember the steamy hot dorms of my youth. Alas, winter spares no one just as Humidity Sickness will get us all in the end.
Lux: YES! I’m convinced, too! Tell your mom I’m working on a treatment (but for now: eat lots of sugar).
Scratch Bags: Oh, how nice you are to inquire after my cats. Prudence, the kitten, is indomitable. Gus, however, suffers from Humidity Sickness. His remedy is to lie across the dining room table, making himself as long and noodle-like as possible.
Daisy the Curly Cat: Yes, we mustn’t forget the terrible effects this disease has on the hair. Do you find it affects your curly fur?
Florida Girl in Sydney: I don’t envy you, living in the Humidity Capital of the World. We’ll contact that authorities about declaring a state of emergency and getting you out of there.
Monique: Air conditioning is mandatory. So is sugar. And don’t forget: stay in bed until it passes, however long it takes.
I don’t think this disease has made it’s way up to northern MN yet. I hope it doesn’t spread!
Have you considered moving to the Mojave Desert? I heard it’s pretty unhumid there.
Jeff’s last blog post..Mostly Wordless Wednesday
To ann of the shampoo bag:
There is a place that stays average 20 degrees Celsius (room temp for me) all year round, has white beaches, no tornadoes, no hurricaines, no terrorists, and no bears or cougars or other large and dangerous land creatures.
It is full of civilized and friendly people, and has high speed internet and casinos.
It’s called Aruba. I would like to live there someday.
Tim’s last blog post..Workplace Violence Just Doesn’t Work For Me
Jeff: So far, residents of the northern US states and most of Canada seem to be strangely immune to Humidity Sickness. I’m working on figuring out the cause behind this. As for the Mojave Desert, it was in the running until I read Tim’s post, right after yours!
Tim: On behalf of ann of the shampoo bag and everyone else, THANK YOU! Once we all move to Aruba, it’ll make Blog-a-Palooza a lot easier to arrange.
I think I might have chronic humidity sickness.
Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Bloggy Swap:Things I Like
Shamelessly Sassy: Well, you know what to do: Crank up the a/c, take to your bed, and make sure to have plenty of cupcakes on hand. I wish you a speedy recovery.
Oh golly… I’m with you. I don’t even sit in saunas. I cannot stand the humidity.
jennyonthespot’s last blog post..Make Me Laugh Monday
jennyonthespot: The only time I ever sit in a sauna is when my mom and I visit Las Vegas. The hotel has a really nice spa, and I’m ALWAYS so clogged up and dry-headed from the climate change. But I have to open the door every 30 seconds or I can’t breathe!
the scientific (and air conditioning) community owe you a debt of gratitude.
as for the sauna, i’ve never tried it, but i’m not in any hurry.
kouji’s last blog post..captivating Capiz, a haiku poem
kouji: HA! Yes, I better get some funding from the Air Conditioning Association of America, or whatever they’re called!
Here in Texas (not Houston), it’s almost ALWAYS humid. We use our air conditioner 9 months out of the year. (Or, I do. My husband sneaks in and turns it off. But I’m wise to him! I go and turn it back on immediately. I told him, “I don’t care if our electric bill is $500.00. I will NOT be hot in my own house!)As a matter of fact, my mother has named this time of year “SCS”. It’s almost too gross to explain,…..but I guess I will. Sweaty crotch season. I mean, if you go outside for EVEN A MOMENT, and not even DO anything but just stand there, you can go back inside and it feels like you’ve peed your pants. I told you it was gross, but I’ll bet it happens to a lot more ladies out there than they will admit.
mlm: You are a woman after my own heart and A/C bill. Those sneaky husbands will not win! And I didn’t want to say anything before (partly out of embarrassment and partly because I didn’t know the official name), but . . . I have SCS (runs off to hide)
I live in Colorado, which is has to be considered “extremely” dry all year round, and travel frequently as part of my profession. Whenever I travel to places like Miami, New Orleans and Houston I have a couple of days where I am struck by symptoms resembling those seen with sinusitis. I do have a remedy, which is to use a Neti pot at least twice a day if not more. I would highly recommend every person to use a Neti pot daily since it contributes to good sinus health in general. I hope this helps anyone suffering from this disease.
Mark G: I’ve heard good things about the Neti Pot, and I even bought one myself, but I just can’t bring myself to pour water up my nose. If my sinuses ever get bad enough, maybe I’ll give it a try.
I am so gonna invest in one of those portable air con systems for next Summer. I live in Australia and last summer was like death. Anyway I must have had humidity sickness, because my husband was extra irritating.
Cougar Woman’s last blog post..How to Tell If You Are a Cougar Woman
I used to live in a state that got extremely humid in the summer. I did get all of these symptoms at first, but after a while you get used to it
. That and air conditioning is a life saver!
(P.S.: The Neti Pot sounds intriguing, but no way am I pouring stuff up my nose!)