I Improvise

 

My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah, I adore it

Look, I didn’t get where I am today without a lot of on-the-fly thinking and improvisational wizardry. Who else but JD could come up with this dog poo scraper-off-er? That’s just pure genius AND it came right off the top of my head, yo.

So a few weeks ago I found myself alone in a strange hotel room facing quite a dilemma.

To set the scene:

A shower.

A naked JD with a beautiful head of curls.

No shower cap.

You see, I had slept in curlers the night before JUST so I wouldn’t have to do anything more to my hair for the whole weekend, including wash it. Typically, an all-night curler session ensures that my hair will be sexily wavy for at least 2-3 days. Yes, it will smell pretty rank by Day 3, but everyone is so dazzled by the curlicues, they don’t notice. I hope.

All that work! I couldn’t get my curlicious hair wet! I hadn’t brought a shower cap, a ponytail holder or hair clip or ANYthing. And altho the hotel did provide some freebies, a shower cap was not included.

What to do, what to do.

I tried wrapping a towel around my head, but it wouldn’t stay put. The ice bucket was too small. Take a bath, you say? Nay. I know not whose naked butt touched the tub before me.

Then I saw it.

The Ziplock bag holding my giant novelty-size box of pills.

YESSSSS!

I think if you have a normal-sized head the bag won’t split open like this. But for all my fellow melon-heads out there, the split version worked just fine.

My curly hair stayed dry AND beautiful. I wish you could’ve seen it. No, seriously. Why the hell did I take a picture of my stupid fat head in a Ziplock bag instead of the before-and-after version, where I look relatively normal?

The things I do for you . . .

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43 Comments


43 Responses to “I Improvise”

  1. 1 Regan

    Ah, that is a good idea. I don’t curl my hair, though. But I love improvising. I’m very good at it. Well, sometimes at least.

  2. 2 Lidian

    What a great idea! It would probably work for me for the opposite reason – if my hair gets wet (or out in humidity) it gets too overexcited (frizzy/crazy)….I appreciate the things that you do for us, JD! :)

    No pic of the beautiful curls?

  3. 3 Daisy the Curly Cat

    I guess I am lucky my furs stay naturally curly. Even when I put lots of spit on them to get clean.

    Too bad the hotel did not have a plastic laundry bag with the pull ties. I would like to see you wear that on your head. But you would have to remember to punch breathing holes in the bag. And then you couldn’t wash your face. Wow, it was a bigger dilemma than I realized.

    Oh, I know! You could stock up on those 99 cent rain bonnets for shower emergencies.

  4. 4 Jaffer

    Only half a picture ?! Drats !

  5. 5 April

    If you’re ever in that situation again, check the trash can, most housekeeping staff at hotels will stack clean liners in the bottom and they’re the perfect size for this sorta thing. Yes, I know from experience.

  6. 6 Kathy

    I would have paid to see you with an ice bucket over your head. But this shot will do just fine. I shan’t complain about my unruly curls anymore, hearing what hell you went through to get yours. Yowsa! It’s sleeping with curlers in your hair painful? Or is that what all the drugs are for?

  7. 7 ImitationAngel

    OMG! I laughed so hard that my chest now hurts again. You did the exact thing I would do in this situation. Don’t feel so bad though. When you’re away from home and missing some crucial items you have to do what you have to do in order to get by.

  8. 8 absepa

    When my hair was long, I would only wash it every two or three days–it tended to be less frizzy that way. I usually kept two or three shower caps on hand at home, just in case, but at one point I forgot them all when my husband and I went on a trip. Our hotel didn’t provide shower caps either, so I took every shower in a near-backbend position so that I could keep my mop dry. Good thinking with the Ziploc bag!

  9. 9 Babs - beetle

    Oh my! You look like a down-and-out on the streets of London! ha ha ha ha! That’s what they wear on their heads when it’s raining!

    Good thinking Batman!

  10. 10 flit

    how very resourceful of you :)

  11. 11 JD

    Regan: You’re lucky you don’t have to curl your hair. But I’m sure you’re good at improvising lots of stuff. Perhaps you’d like to make a list?

    Lidian: Heh. I love that your hair gets “overexcited”! Yeah, it’s kind of an alternative to the “doo rag” (or however you spell it). I wish I’d posted the beautiful curls instead of the bag head, but there you go.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: You are very lucky to have such pretty curly furs. My hair is very straight and only looks good in humidity. As for those rain bonnets—good idea! I’ll have to remember to keep one on me at ALL times, just in case.

    Jaffer: Half? What? I don’t get it. You mean only the bag head picture, not the curly hair picture?

    April: Ah, good idea! So I’m not the only one around here who’s had to improvise.

    Kathy: Maybe now all you naturally curly girlies will understand what we straighties are willing to go thru! The curlers I use are soft, but it’s still rather uncomfortable. Not Vicodin-level uncomfortable, but not something I’d want to do every night.

    ImitationAngel: Yup. And it was worth it. I’m glad you got a laugh out of my improv skillzzz.

    absepa: HA! I knew I wasn’t the only one. Yeah, I’ve done the backbend shower before, too, but I’m not as flexible as I used to be. Thank god for my Ziplock bag!

    Babs – beetle: I was surprised at how bad I really did look. I thought it might be a cute new style, but in reality I would never wear that out of the house. Or hotel, in this case.

    flit: Why, thank you. I was rather pleased with myself.

  12. 12 Stephanie Barr

    Nice to know your curls were saved. I curl my hair by, I swear, letting it dry naturally. I comes out in gorgeous no-brainer ringlets.

    You may hate me now.

  13. 13 tinsenpup

    Wow, functional AND attractive! Glue a couple of plastic flowers to it and you could wear it to a wedding. – Not that you’d want to with curls like that, of course, but still, nice to know you have a fall back plan.

  14. 14 Regan

    Well, today I improvised when I was decorating the Christmas tree and I accidently broke this ornament but we don’t have ANY glue in the house so I used dish soap. It didn’t work out too well.

  15. 15 brooke

    How smart of you. I will always remember that if i ever need a shower cap or my mom does I will go get a ziploc bag cut it open and have dry hair. I say Bravo!

  16. 16 Jeff

    You’re like the only person I’ve ever heard of who uses a shower cap. In fact, I’ve always been baffled by them. Isn’t the whole point of taking a shower to clean yourself… HAIR included?

    Hmm, perhaps they should call it an un-shower cap.

  17. 17 diesel

    I can’t put a plastic bag on my head ever since I watched The House of Sand and Fog.

    It’s tough to explain if you haven’t seen it.

  18. 18 toni

    I always get a laugh when I come here. You crack me up but you did teach me something new !

  19. 19 Musing

    I’m with Kathy, the mental image an ice bucket on your head… :D

  20. 20 JD

    Stephanie Barr: Oh, boy. I really don’t want to hate you, but I must. The only time I can let my hair air-dry (and have it look nice and curly) is in humid weather. I’m the only girl I know who actually welcomes humidity.

    tinsenpup: I might debut it at the public pool next summer. And I love your suggestion of plastic flowers. I think it would make quite a fetching bathing cap!

    Regan: No glue? That’s just plain dangerous. I think your improvisational skills need some work. But you’re on the right track.

    brooke: Thank you! Yes! Bravo! Just remember: unless you have a giant head, you may not need to cut the Ziplock bag.

    Jeff: Did you wash that ginormous mullet of yours every day? We folks with lots of hair cannot be bothered to wash it every time we’re in the shower. AND, if our hair looks awesome, we want it to stay that way—EVEN IF IT STINKS! But you’re right: an un-shower cap might be a better name.

    diesel: Hmm. I did see that movie but I can’t remember the reference. OH WAIT! OK, now I remember. Well, you don’t put the bag over your face, you know.

    toni: I do strive to be instructional—even if it means looking like a fool.

    Musing: Heh. It was WAY too small, by the way.

  21. 21 Stephanie Barr

    If it makes you feel better, my hair is my only real beauty. There’s a reason I have space pictures on my blog and not my face.

    And my daughter, who has the same hair, STRAIGHTENS it! Kids!

  22. 22 Jeff

    Are you kidding. After going to sleep with a half a can of Rockquanet in it every night it looked like a giant wad of cotton candy that had been sat on for 10 hours. I had no choice but to wash all that crap out of my hair… only so I could poof it all back up and do it again the next night!

    Jeff’s last blog post..It is Good

  23. 23 Tim

    I’m with Jeff on this one. I didn’t know anyone actually used shower caps – I thought that was only a Bugs Bunny kind of thing!

    Tim’s last blog post..Go Ahead and Back Up! Protect Your Precious WordPress Files…

  24. 24 Jay

    Neat solution! Necessity is the mother of invention, as they say!

    At home, I would just lower the shower head so that it didn’t hit above my shoulders because my hair does quite well being made damp but not wet – helps me flatten out the sticky-up bits – but I know with curls you have to be more careful!

    That’s a priceless pic! I’m kind of surprised by how much you look like me, there! LOL!

    Not that I go around with ziplock bags on my head or anything – though I do use them for some unconventional things … *Snigger*

  25. 25 JD

    Stephanie Barr: I’m sure that’s not true. And I should probably have posted a photo of a rocket instead of my ugly mug.

    Jeff: You must’ve spent more time on your hair than most women. But clearly it was worth it. Rockquanet? Where do I buy this product?

    Tim: That’s hilarious. Women? Cartoon bunnies? Help me out here. Shower caps ARE still used!

  26. 26 chat blanc

    that’s GENIUS!! :D *tucks away mental note for future no shower cap emergencies*

    chat blanc’s last blog post..Remote controlled

  27. 27 Jenn

    I believe in this sort of improv– and good for you!! My last one like that was when I forgot my contact lense case… and ended up using two empty film canisters. :)

    Hey, it worked.

    MacGyver has nothing on us gals!! :)

    Jenn’s last blog post..A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words: Caption Contest

  28. 28 Natural

    JD, I just slapped my desk laughing. I’m cracking up at work and people know I’m not doing my job because my job is not that funny or entertaining. I used to do the rollers at night, but let’s face it, it’s not sexy, but pillow hair is. One side smashed and the back flattened. Beautiful!

    Ziplock bag! A girl has to do what a girl has to do. You rock the bag girl and the ice bucket was too small. ROFL. You should have taken a picture of that. If your hair smells on day 3, just spray it with Febreeze. Fun stuff JD, thanks for the laugh. I should go back and read the poop post, I don’t remember it or do I?

  29. 29 Preston

    Ziplock bags are so useful. And you can’t suffocate from them cause you can’t zip them over your face. How thoughtful of them. :)

    Preston’s last blog post..Happy Thanksgiving

  30. 30 JD

    Jay: OK, now you’ve got to ‘fess up. Just what DO you use Ziplock bags for, hmmmm?

    chat blanc: Yup. I agree. Tho the ice bucket would’ve provided a bit more protection, had it been about twice as big.

    Jenn: Yeah, why didn’t they ever come out with a show about a lady MacGyver? We women are MUCH more resourceful than men. Given all of our quirks, we have to be.

    Natural: Not sure you were around for the poop post, but it’s very short. I had intended to do more short ones, but, well . . . I am wordy. So, does Febreeze really work on hair?

    Preston: Those Ziplock people were really thinking, weren’t they? After all, I was all alone—what if I’d accidentally zipped up my head?

  31. 31 Gini

    Great idea! I have naturally curly frizzy hair that is so dry that I straighten with a straightening iron about once a week (with touch-ups in between). But during the week I don’t want to get my hair wet so I pin my hair up and wrap it in aluminum foil while showering. A foil cap is also great fo hair treatments like deep conditioning and hot oil.

    Gini’s last blog post..10 Amazing, Unique Artists You Have to Check Out

  32. 32 Canucklehead

    My computer appears to stop loading around neck level – I’ve hit refresh about 100 times! Stupid thing! Oh, and I should tell you with a melon my size I actually would need a garbage bag (think on of those yardwork size clear jobs.) CHEERS!

    Canucklehead’s last blog post..Welcome Butch!

  33. 33 JD

    Gini: Wow, I never thought of aluminum foil! And I have really dry hair, so I should do more hot oil treatments and stuff. Thanks for the idea!

    Canucklehead: That’s weird. Jaffer had the same problem. Or, really, I shouldn’t say it’s a problem. Consider yourself lucky. It is NOT the most flattering shot of JD.

  34. 34 Kelly

    you sure look stunning in your lovely zip-loc bag!

    Kelly’s last blog post..Deerey Christmas!

  35. 35 JD

    Kelly: Why, thank you! I’m planning on wearing it out today when I do some shopping. I daresay I’ll be the belle of the mall.

  36. 36 hammy

    Thank God I saw your post in the nick of time. I was just about to improvise on an excuse to skip work today; I hadn’t known that you have taken the pain to improvise so I don’t have to.

    So I just sent my boss a link to this page, and said I’m not coming to work today.

    Hmm… On retrospect, maybe that just confused him. I have to think about this now…. Catch ya later. Keep blogging.
    :D

    hammy’s last blog post..Croak a bye Hammy

  37. 37 JD

    hammy: Your boss may be so frightened by the picture of a strange woman with a Ziplock bag on her head that he may just close down your work. Way to improvise!

  38. 38 kouji

    hilarious. :D macgyver would have been proud. :D

  39. 39 JD

    kouji: Thank you. Yes, I like to think the writers of MacGyver might be calling on me one of these days.

  40. 40 Florida Girl In Sydney

    It seems like the folks over at Ziploc should be brought in on this…
    Perhaps a new marketing campaign?

    100 things you too can do with a Ziploc bag.

    Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..A Little Tease

  41. 41 JD

    Florida Girl In Sydney: Wow. You’re RIGHT! Soon I will be a millionaire. I’m writing them right now. On the other hand, they might just sue me.

  42. 42 Edward Monkton

    They might want to look at the safety implications of people putting a Ziploc bag on their heads :)

  43. 43 JD

    Edward Monkton: Not if you have a giant melon head. Then it’s virtually impossible to suffocate yourself. I think.


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