OK, so . . .
Do you ever get fabulous offers from marketing wizards who are simply dying to promote your site for absolutely nothing in return? YES? Good. Send ‘em over to me, would ya?
Because I seem to attract a lot of dumbasses.
Why, just this week, I received this tempting query:
Would you be interested in exchanging 2 free weeks of advertising for a blog review of our website? [My site] has a humorous feature where you rank pictures of girls based on which you think is hottest.We’ll put a link to your site in our column for 2 weeks if you are willing to write a short blog about our site. If you would like, we’re willing to write the blog for you to save you the time.
Not so bad, you say? Well, behold the subject line:
“Cross-Marketing for Your I Do Nothing Blog“
Nicely done, asshat. Because, yeah. I do nothing. Good research skillz. That’s the name of my blog. Right? I DO NOTHING! It’s a blog about nothing! What a great idea! NOTHING!
I was steamed, my friends, and I’m sure you can understand why. I do EVERYTHING! What don’t I do? And if I haven’t done it yet . . . I WILL!
I was so mad I decided to forward the e-mail to my friend, Junk Drawer Kathy, who gets her share of idiotic “offers.” I wrote her the following imaginary reply:
WHAT. THE. F@#^$&@*$@#$%????????????????????
You don’t even get my freaking blog title right?
Ranking hot girls?
Write my blog for me for your crappy site?
Except then I hit “reply.”
So, instead of a typically hilarious and indignant response from Kathy, I got this from the would-be cross-marketer:
Go on . . .
Oh. Oops. Well, he deserved it. Kind of. No. I felt bad. I would never use that many swear symbols on even the most heinous of spammers. So I apologized, and he was cool.
But secretly, I admire myself for accidentally telling him off.
* * *
In related news, I just got a spam comment on a post I don’t even remember writing. Which is weird, since the post includes a photo of me in my underwear. You’d think I’d remember that.
I guess spammers are useful after all.
To-do list came from here