Have you bought a phone recently? It seems you can’t buy just one phone anymore. You automatically get all these extra bonus phones. I could see the point of more phones if we all weren’t using cordless phones already, but now with the technology that allows us to walk from room to room with one phone . . . why do we need four?
I tried to convince the guy at Best Buy to give me fewer phones for fewer dollars, but he was not programmed for such an exchange.
“Look, I only need one, so I’ll just take one, and pay you a quarter of the price.”
“Did you need a wireless headset with that?”
Just what I need in my life: more phones. Because I hate talking on the phone, you see, and I’m convinced that the more phones I have, the more phone calls I’ll get. I’m picturing each of these four phones ringing constantly, with me running breathlessly from room to room, trying to answer them, all while my cake is burning in the oven and the kitchen is filling up with smoke.
Which is ridiculous, because I don’t even answer the one phone we have now. Nor do I bake, but that burning cake always seems to be part of the scenario.
Of course, I don’t have to USE them all, but I have four phones, I PAID for four phones, I WANT my four damn phones.
So now the person who never talks on the phone has a phone in every room.
I actually feel like a very wealthy celebrity, with my four phones. Except, of course, I forget the phone that’s right over there, and keep walking ALL THE WAY into the office to wait for the phone to stop ringing so I can listen to the message so I can delete it.
Oh, and we now have speakerphone capability. I was pretty excited about this feature, as I imagined talking to clients while taking a shower or baking a cake (again: not part of my actual real life).
I tested the speakerphone on my mom.
“OK, you’re on speakerphone! Can you hear me?”
“You could talk a little softer.”
“How about now?”
I moved the phone a few feet away.
“Now? Too loud?”
“Yes! Still too loud.”
I went into the other room and whispered,
“Can you hear me?”
“It could still be softer.”
So the speakerphone part is kind of a dud.
Plus I keep losing phones. When the battery dies, they start chirping. This invariably happens in the middle of the night. I don’t know why that tiny, innocuous chirping sound is so terrifying when it wakes you up, but it is. One phone is gone for good, tho. If it ever chirped, I didn’t hear it.
Wherever it is, maybe it’s finally far enough away from my mouth for the speakerphone to be effective. I’d love to replace it so I can have all four phone holders filled with phones again, but what are the odds of being able to buy just one phone?
About the same as me baking a cake.