I Have a New Foot

It’s nothin’ dangerous
I feel no pain

scra-a-a-a-a-atch

A warning:

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Only, like, a drop. But still, I wish someone had warned me.

My de-bunionized foot was unveiled today! After 2 long weeks, the gauze bandage would be removed and my foot would once again breathe fresh air. This all would have been a lot more exciting if I hadn’t already taken off the bandage myself, a few days ago.

I wasn’t s’posed to, but the ITCH.

Have you ever had an itch? Of course you have, sillies. But have you ever been unable to scratch it? There is nothing worse. I started out gently rubbing a nail file down under the gauze bandage. Then a pen. Then pair of scissors. It occurred to me that I might do far less damage if I just . . .

. . . removed the bandage.

Oh, my children, it was good. I scratched with abandon. It was almost as satisfying as an eargasm. But when I had finished my orgy of scratching, I was faced with a pile of mangled gauze strips that were all supposed to go back on my foot in some semblance of order. Had I been a little more patient, I would have carefully snipped off the gauze, but in my eagerness to scra-a-a-a-atch, I had ripped it all off with my teeth.

Before the orgy of scratching . . .

front-foot

. . . and after

foot-in-gauze

Yes, that is Scotch tape.

In the exam room, my stupidly bandaged foot looked worse than ever. I worried that my doctor would yell at me for taking off the gauze. But before she could get a good look at it, it just fell off. Plop. I grabbed the wad from the floor and stuffed it in my purse.

We both admired my stank foot. She carefully removed the adhesive strips over the incision. This was where the blood happened. Again, just a drop, but I was unprepared. However, my queasiness was rewarded:

Will you just look at this beautiful foot?

foot

Once home, I celebrated by taking a real shower and washing my foot. Nice, but not as satisfying as I’d hoped.

And of course it didn’t itch at all now.

Scroll down for close-up pictures NOW with BLOOD! (and bonus Prudence in the background).

O

O

O

O

O

O

O

O

Hee! I knew you couldn’t resist.

foot-close-up-2

foot-side

And if you think these pictures are gross, you should see the sediment left behind in my shower.

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57 Comments


57 Responses to “I Have a New Foot”

  1. 1 Jaffer

    Aw ! You are finally out of your bandages yay !
    Does is still hurt ? You must be feeling lot better I bet.

    Sediment :?:

    Jaffer’s last blog post..Positive thinking in life

  2. 2 Rob O.

    Hey, just in time for Summer! Now you’ll hafta treat yourself to a pedicure…

    Rob O.’s last blog post..A Monkee Becomes a Penguin

  3. 3 Steve

    This reminds of the time years ago when I broke a small bone in my foot playing basketball. I had a cast for 6 weeks on my foot and lower leg, and when it came off, there was a whole layer of dead skin that was peeling off.

    Steve’s last blog post..1001Books.com

  4. 4 Canucklehead

    That ain’t right.
    Anyway, with the money I’ve now saved on having to buy lunch today I’ll buy a beer and offer a cheers to a speedy recovery. I’ll be buy to check out your shower another time — thanks for the invite!

    Canucklehead’s last blog post..What The Flying Elephant?!!!

  5. 5 Olga, the Traveling Bra

    Ahhhh…Oooooooh….Hmmmmmmm…..

    Olga, the Traveling Bra’s last blog post..Life’s Too Short To Stuff Tomatoes

  6. 6 Natural

    Yeah, I think I’ll call this post the See Foot Diet. I got woozy reading just this JD. Whenever I get the urge to eat chocolate, I’ll read this post and pass out. Glad your foot is de-bunionized and de-mummified.

    O->-< told ya I felt dizzy.

    Natural’s last blog post..Pet Peeve Friday

  7. 7 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Ouchie! That incision is much longer than I had even imagined! I hope it is not too hurty. Can you wear real cute sandals to work now?

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Baby Daisy

  8. 8 Jeff

    Can we see the before picture for comparison? I know you have one. No blogger of your caliber would undergo this big of an event without taking before pictures.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Minnesota Fashion Statement

  9. 9 chatblanc

    I remember that insane itchy feeling when I had a cast on my left arm many, many moons ago! sooooo glad your foot is finally free! did Prudence give you a toe wash too? ;)

    chatblanc’s last blog post..Oh for frick&rsquo;s sake!

  10. 10 Angi

    Gaw, that long of an incision for a little bunion??

    Excuse me while I go pray fervently to never have a bunion…

    That said, you’ll probably have a pretty wicked scar from that. You’ll have to make up an awesome story to tell people.

    Angi’s last blog post..Until I Can Gather My Thoughts…

  11. 11 Stephanie

    Poor thing, you definitely need more expensive ice cream. What a lovely foot, despite a bit of bruising and a wee incision.

    Cute bandage redo – no one would ever know. :) (Be glad you didn’t see my surgeried knee I never took pictures of). I have the iron stomach, so I didn’t even blink.

    Being trapped without being able to scratch yourself is really tough. It’s one reason I really respect our EVA astronauts. Imagine going HOURS without being able to scratch your nose!

    Stephanie’s last blog post..WWW: Keepin’ It Short

  12. 12 ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily

    You and Junk Drawer Kathy seem to be having a friendly competition on foot droppings…. your post-bunionectomy shower sediment and her Ped Egg shavings…. it may be a toss-up, or ‘throw-up’.

    anyway, glad you’re back in action.

  13. 13 Tim

    I somehow pictured it as much grosser than that :)
    One of my friends was in a crash with his crotch rocket street bike last year. They had to reattach his right foot. I guess in my head I was picturing his messy wounds under your bandages. So yeah, I was a little afraid to come over and see the damages.
    Glad to see you’re mending fine.

  14. 14 absepa

    Wow, that was a pretty long incision. I do think it’s kind of intriguing that all of the rest of your foot looks awful, but the actual cut-on, sewn-up part isn’t bruised. Interesting stuff…thanks again for sharing, from all of us weirdos who like to look at people’s wounds! I hope it’s well on the way to full recovery.

    absepa’s last blog post..How to Not Be A Jerk on the Elevator

  15. 15 Puglette

    well, that isn’t too bad at all! your foot looks great, the shape is so nice now without the bunion bump.

    we took care of hubby’s mom a few years ago as she recovered from colon cancer surgery. she had a bad case of sepsis while recovering and came home with a gaping hole in her tummy plus the lovely bag…you know the poopy bag. we had to flush out the hole in her tummy and then shove gauze up the hole. that and cleaning the poopy bag have made me less squeamish.

    hey! did you see charlie running around?
    keep your foot up!
    hugs,
    puglette

    Puglette’s last blog post..Silly Pug!

  16. 16 Mary @ Holy Mackerel

    Well. That’s quite the gash. I have that to look forward to. Just wonderful.

    I think my itch beats yours, though. I had to wear a body cast for 10 months when I was 13 years old. My dad gave me a stick so that I could scratch myself by digging the stick inside my cast.

    Glad your bandages are off!! And your bunion is gone!

    Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..I Live Inside Myself…And I Dance With Myself Too, IF You Know What I Mean

  17. 17 The Incredible Woody

    You might start a new fashion trend with those bruises!!

    The Incredible Woody’s last blog post..Life

  18. 18 JD

    Jaffer: Yay, me! It barely hurts. Just a tad. As for the sediment, I wore home a shoe I hadn’t worn in a while. There was a bunch of sand in it. There was also just a lot of gunk attached to my foot!

    Steve: Ewwww! But also: cool. I had a similar situation with a long-time cast on my leg. I also found that my leg had the consistency of a noodle when I finally tried to stand on it.

    Canucklehead: OK, you’re welcome any time, but there may not be any sediment in it. Cheers!

    Olga, the Traveling Bra: Well said, sister, well said.

    Natural: Is the “See Foot Diet” anything like the “Seafood Diet”? If so, I’m a hafta try it! I’m sorry you feel woozy, but if it helps you stay away from the chocolate, my work is done.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: No, it’s barely hurty at all. I’m still wearing the ugly sandal from before, unfortunately. Just for one more week.

    Jeff: Not only did I take pictures, I posted them. It’s a bit blurry, but here is a good “before” shot:

    http://idothings.info/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/gnarly-bunion.jpg

    Angi: I know. I expected something a bit smaller. But it will heal away to practically nothing. Unfortunately. ‘Cuz, yeah, I’d LOVE to have a wicked scar.

    chatblanc: Prudence turned up her nose at my foot, sorry to say. Surprising, considering some of the things she DOES lick.

    ann of the junkdrawerblogfamily: “Foot droppings”? Awesome. Yeah, I’m not sure whose would be grosser, so I’ll go with the “throw up” option. I really don’t care to try to compare droppings, however great a blog post that might make.

    Tim: BLEURGH! Your poor friend. I hope he’s OK now, with a reattached foot. Um . . . do you happen to have any pictures?

    absepa: Welcome, weirdos! I think the part that was wrapped up in gauze just didn’t bruise much. Which was disappointing. Anyway, it’s really quite pretty, I think.

    Stephanie: Please blog about your surgeried knee and include plenty of pictures. Thank you. I don’t suppose it would be too practical for astronauts to stick a knitting needle thru their helmet . . .?

    Puglette: It IS a nice shape, isn’t it? Now my right foot, which has a very small bunion, looks deformed in contrast. But I think I will live with that. Now your MIL’s situation sounds pretty bad. If you can deal with that, you can deal with anything. Is there a recent Charlie post?! I’m on my way!

    Mary @ Holy Mackerel: Body cast trumps gauze bandage! Definitely. Why were you in the cast, if I may be so bold to ask? If bunion surgery is in your future, fear not. I would think your body cast situation was MUCH worse.

    The Incredible Woody: If only they were permanent!

  19. 19 Carl

    Sometimes I got a spot on my back that needed to be scratched. But my arms were too short and weren’t limber enough to reach it. I was desperate. I would grab anything nearby to help me reach it and scratch the hell out of it. So, yeah! I would totally do what you did, and I don’t care if the doctor gave me a mean look.

  20. 20 cardiogirl

    I do so enjoy your adventurous spirit and how you try so many things so I can sit back and experience them vicariously through you.

    Thanks for that.

    Now on to my request. May I see the right foot, the one that has not been operated upon, next to the left foot. I’m interested in comparing the straight-ness of the right toe compared to the left.

    If I’m not mistaken there was no need to perform surgery on the right foot, correct?

    Thanks in advance :) And regarding the previous return comment. That’s a hell of a shiny natural glow on that there toenail, sister.

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..Uncle Pappy is such a jerk!

  21. 21 Kathy

    I would have totally asked for Frankenstitches. You know, all crooked and stuff. That one you got is far too neat. Your bandage after-photo with the scotch tape killed me. You’d make a great surgeon.

    Kathy’s last blog post..Overheard in an Elevator

  22. 22 D at Seafoodpunch

    aargh! i was ok until you mentioned sediment in the shower. gag.

    i got a chunk of nose removed yesterday…without even asking! i have a great nose…but a little bump on the side the size of a freckle…the doc just came up and snip snip…and me tearing up…and it was gone. =(

    do you miss your bunion?

    D at Seafoodpunch’s last blog post..Dream of Sleeping

  23. 23 MomZombie

    Will you suffer from phantom bunion?
    You totally had me laughing with the after shot of the rewrapped foot. That’s totally something I’d do. And it just plopped off in the doctor’s office. Too funny. You can’t make this stuff up.

    MomZombie’s last blog post..Change of scenery on the way

  24. 24 babs - beetle

    Oh what a pretty bandage ;O) I had an itch inside my shoe once, but was bundled up in the car with stuff on my lap. I couldn’t get down to undo my shoe – it was unbearable having to wait until I got home to scratch it! I even tried kicking my foot to stop the itch but it didn’t work.

    Your foot looks great!

    babs – beetle’s last blog post..Memories, or lack of

  25. 25 Tiggy

    OMG, all that carnage for a bunion!

    Now you can make up some really good “scar tales” involving bar fights with Russian mafioso or kicking a shark or something.

    Tiggy’s last blog post..The Dreaded Office Greetings Card

  26. 26 orion

    an itch?
    having your hand and wrist in a cast for 5 months or steel toe boots while you’re driving to work…
    i still can’t tell you which is worse.

    and to think, before reading this i had no idea bunions were so brutal..

    orion’s last blog post..the doomsday dwelling (beauty and the beastly fish killer)

  27. 27 MommyAmy

    Yikes! I have never had a bunion but I can only imagine the pain. Feet are such sensitive parts!

    MommyAmy’s last blog post..Early Intervention Screening

  28. 28 Jeff

    Thanks for the before linkage. My archive retrieval skilz ain’t what they used to be.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Minnesota Fashion Statement

  29. 29 Maureen

    Focus on Prudence, focus on Prudence….

    Ack!

    It’s like a car crash. You tell yourself not to look, but you can’t resist.

    Foot does look good though… at least the part AROUND the scar.

    Maureen’s last blog post..Overheard

  30. 30 JD

    Carl: When ya gotta scratch, ya gotta scratch. I don’t care if I rub my skin RAW. I’m gonna scratch.

    cardiogirl: You’re welcome, c-girl. Always a pleasure. I’ll post a side-by-side picture of my 2 feet after this one looks more perfect. For now, tho, you can go here (same link I gave above):

    http://idothings.info/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/gnarly-bunion.jpg

    to see the right foot, WHICH! does have a small bunion but doesn’t need surgery. Ever.

    Kathy: I’m with you on the Frankenstitches. What’s the fun of having a scar if it isn’t awesome and horrible-looking? Now, if I’d had a bunion removed from my face, that would be a different story.

    D at Seafoodpunch: Ouch! I don’t miss my bunion . . . yet. Do you miss your nose bump? That was rather presumptuous. I have a pretty large bump on my nose (actually, it’s part of my nose) and I would be bummed if someone snipped it off (which would be impossible).

    MomZombie: HA! Phantom bunion. Maybe! I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe the next time I put on a tight shoe, I’ll feel it. No, you can’t make stuff like that up, but you can at least refrain from photographing it all.

    babs – beetle: Thank you! I bet scratching your foot that day was the BEST feeling ever. No, kicking never works. Neither does sliding it against a wall. It. Must. Be. Scratched.

    Tiggy: Oh, hell YEAH! This scar is not going to waste, I can tell you that. I am totally using that “kicking a shark” story. This is gonna be good.

    orion: Can’t you just pull over, take off your steel-toe boot, and scratch? The 5-month cast thing, I’ll admit, is pretty bad. I had a cast on my leg, and when it was removed, they found all kinds of scratching devices I had stuck down there.

    MommyAmy: They ARE sensitive! Why don’t people believe that? If your feet hurt, everything hurts.

    Jeff: You’re more than welcome. Show a picture of my feet? I don’t have to be asked twice.

    Maureen: Prudence showed up just then as if she knew the photo would be too gross without her beautiful fur in the background.

  31. 31 flit

    knitting needles and chopsticks…gotta love ‘em for dealing with those itches – even if I did get in ~trouble~ for using hubby’s good chopsticks as scratchers :)

  32. 32 Stephanie Barr

    Well, really, flit, what were you supposed to use ‘em for?

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..Thieving Thursday: Space Station Concepts

  33. 33 Florida Girl In Sydney

    So does your foot feel better than pre-surgery?? I wonder if my hallux limitus is a similar surgery… I’m still debating doing it.

    Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..The Beauty and Awe

  34. 34 Kevin

    I think you need a non-story. If someone asks you, “Hey, what’s the story behind that scar?” you should pause, turn and stare at the sky silently for about 30 seconds. Mumble something about a hot night during the monsoon season in Bangladesh, then just trail off. (Make sure to double check to see if Bangladesh has a monsoon season.)

    Kevin’s last blog post..Facebook!

  35. 35 Regan

    Yay!! New feet! I hate when there’s just an itch and when you ccan’t scratch it. Or if you’re on some public bus and start scratching like crazying, well people probably will think you’re crazy. Don’t people understand an itch MUST BE SCRATCHED?

    Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies

  36. 36 Tim

    Well I never took pictures of Dustin’s foot :) I’ll ask him if he has any. His toes were black for a couple months, but most of the time he was pretty bandaged up.

    Tim’s last blog post..Deskercise To Burn Off Those Greasy Pepperoni Snacks

  37. 37 D at Seafoodpunch

    haha. no i dont miss it. It is too small to miss. does that make me a bad person? did you see the squishies??!! i fixed it…and i need another squishyfish in my life now. If i had one of those in my cube (even though it owuld only be for a week) I would feel better about my life by comparison.

    D at Seafoodpunch’s last blog post..Squishypuff the Mutated Goldfish

  38. 38 Jenn Thorson

    Congratulations, JD, on being bunion0-free! Woo-hoo!!

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..When Campbell’s Chunky Attacks

  39. 39 JD

    flit: Oh, how I wish I’d had either of those—tho they might have been too big. Not that it mattered once I ripped the gauze off. Then my nails were just fine.

    Stephanie Barr: Hee!

    Florida Girl In Sydney: It’s too early to say, really. Once I’m back to doing weight-bearing exercise (maybe another 2 months?) I’ll have a better idea. I’ll be sure to let you know!

    Kevin: HA! HAHAHAHA! Oh, that’s good. You know, I bet I could even get away with a monsoon in Bangladesh regardless of the truth—as long as I said it in a mysterious and off-putting way. Man, I can’t WAIT to use this scar!

    Regan: Yay! And thank you for understanding! So what if we look like crazy people. We are going to SCRATCH!

    Tim: Cool. Black toes, eh? Mine were almost black, but only for a few days. Tell Dustin if he didn’t take pictures I’m coming after him.

    D at Seafoodpunch: Oh! Thanks for the squishies update. I’ll go now and check. I bet we could all use a squishie, every now and then.

    Jenn Thorson: WOO-HOO! Thank you!

  40. 40 Win bingo

    Oh my God!! Ouuuuchhhhh

    Win bingo’s last blog post..George Jones Loves Bingo

  41. 41 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    Well I’m glad you did this, because it’s one less thing I have to do. You, madam, are a service to your country, doing all these things so we don’t have to. My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. And my feet thank you.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..My Career in Musical Theatre

  42. 42 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    And why is commentluv no longer showing my last post? It’s showing like, last month’s post.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..My Career in Musical Theatre

  43. 43 Lin

    Oh, look at that lovely bumpless foot! I’m tellin you, you are going to be sooo happy you did this! You will not believe how your shoes will fit better and your feet will never hurt again. I like how they did the scar on the side–mine is on the top. It looks good and the bruising will go away soon. Yeah!! Just in time for sandal season!! Hooray.

    Lin’s last blog post..Cheese Stick Trivia

  44. 44 Lilaphase

    So, from now on I assume you will be wearing only “bare all” shoes with peek-a-boo toes.

    Lilaphase’s last blog post..Today’s Notes

  45. 45 JD

    Win bingo: Much better now, little bingo.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): You’re welcome! It was my pleasure entirely. Who knows which body part may be next? Don’t be too hard on CommentLuv. It tries.

    Lin: Thank you for your joy-filled comment! I AM excited. I don’t think the scar is that noticeable, being on the side. I’m really looking forward to feeling the difference when I work out.

    Lilaphase: YES! Something like this: http://www.switchflops.com/cart/home.php

  46. 46 flit

    just thought I’d let you know that I am still dropping by daily but your Entrecard hardly ever loads any more… no idea why not but it’s on both of my computers, not just one so I’m thinking it’s a problem at your end not mine.

  47. 47 Marie

    Ouchies! I am glad you are on mend, though. :)

    Your foot looks wonderful!! Once the rest of the swelling goes down, you are going to be thrilled and this will have all been so worth it!!

    And think of the writing mileage you got out of it! My broken shoulder post was my magnum opus! lol

    Marie’s last blog post..This Bites

  48. 48 JD

    flit: Hmmm. That’s annoying. I haven’t heard from anyone else, but who knows. If it’s a problem on two of your computers, you’re probably right: my problem. With the latest changes to EC, who knows. I may not even continue. Hmmph.

    Marie: HA! Yes, thank goodness for illness and injury and surgery. I’d say people are sick of reading about my stupid foot, but there are a lot of bunion owners and other foot problems out there, so I hope all this helped somewhat.

  49. 49 Corrina

    Man that was kind of harsh with all that blood and stuff. Lol Your foot does, indeed, look excellent now! Good for you!

    I KNOW that itch that kills!! Scratching it is better than sex sometimes! Relief rocks.

  50. 50 JD

    Corrina: Sorry to make you look at a bloody incision, but . . . it had to be done. I am quite pleased. I only wish it would itch NOW, now that I can scratch it at will!

  51. 51 Christa at Giggle On!

    My Lord JD that scar is heinous! I almost yakked when I saw it.

    I never realized eargasm was a term but I am planning to incorporate it into a few of my business meetings today.

    If you can’t use the term EARGASM with confidence then all is lost.

    Heal well my friend, heal well.

    Christa at Giggle On!’s last blog post..Giggling in the Water Closet

  52. 52 JD

    Christa at Giggle On!: YAK! Hey, let me know how your use of “eargasm” works. You may need to demonstrate it. I’s a healing pretty good, thank YOU!

  53. 53 Tom

    Wow it looks like it’s not well stitched and it’s gonna bleed if you press your foot against the floor

    Tom’s last blog post..Notícias da Semana

  54. 54 JD

    Tom: It may not look it, but it is well-stitched. As for the bleeding? Um . . . yes.

  55. 55 tin

    Alone in my room while reading this part….

    “Have you ever had an itch? Of course you have, sillies. But have you ever been unable to scratch it? There is nothing worse. I started out gently rubbing a nail file down under the gauze bandage. Then a pen. Then pair of scissors. It occurred to me that I might do far less damage if I just . . .

    . . . removed the bandage.”

    I smiled, I can still remember my part when I had also my bunion surgery 7 months ago. Whenever my foot itch, I pinch the tip of my toes, and when it worsen, I just grab a pillow and squeezed it. I can’t do anything because the cast is still on until one month. Thankful now cause it’s over.

  56. 56 JD

    tin: Yours sounds more involved than mine. Luckily I didn’t have to wear a cast, which made the illegal scratching easier. I’m glad yours is over. We both have pretty feet!

  1. 1 The Junk Drawer » What Was That Crazy Contraption?

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