THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Only, like, a drop. But still, I wish someone had warned me.
My de-bunionized foot was unveiled today! After 2 long weeks, the gauze bandage would be removed and my foot would once again breathe fresh air. This all would have been a lot more exciting if I hadn’t already taken off the bandage myself, a few days ago.
I wasn’t s’posed to, but the ITCH.
Have you ever had an itch? Of course you have, sillies. But have you ever been unable to scratch it? There is nothing worse. I started out gently rubbing a nail file down under the gauze bandage. Then a pen. Then pair of scissors. It occurred to me that I might do far less damage if I just . . .
. . . removed the bandage.
Oh, my children, it was good. I scratched with abandon. It was almost as satisfying as an eargasm. But when I had finished my orgy of scratching, I was faced with a pile of mangled gauze strips that were all supposed to go back on my foot in some semblance of order. Had I been a little more patient, I would have carefully snipped off the gauze, but in my eagerness to scra-a-a-a-atch, I had ripped it all off with my teeth.
Before the orgy of scratching . . .
. . . and after
Yes, that is Scotch tape.
In the exam room, my stupidly bandaged foot looked worse than ever. I worried that my doctor would yell at me for taking off the gauze. But before she could get a good look at it, it just fell off. Plop. I grabbed the wad from the floor and stuffed it in my purse.
We both admired my stank foot. She carefully removed the adhesive strips over the incision. This was where the blood happened. Again, just a drop, but I was unprepared. However, my queasiness was rewarded:
Will you just look at this beautiful foot?
Once home, I celebrated by taking a real shower and washing my foot. Nice, but not as satisfying as I’d hoped.
And of course it didn’t itch at all now.
Scroll down for close-up pictures NOW with BLOOD! (and bonus Prudence in the background).
Hee! I knew you couldn’t resist.
And if you think these pictures are gross, you should see the sediment left behind in my shower.