I Had an MRI

My bed is pulling me,
Gravity
Daysleeper. Daysleeper.

MRI tube

One day, an innocent young woman fearfully climbed into a tube and proceeded to have a panic attack. A disembodied voice politely asked her to “stop moving around in there.” She reacted by . . .

But this is not that story.

THIS story happens to involve that same young(ish) woman, who, nine years later and no longer bothered by panic attacks, decided to take a fistful of sedatives prior to her MRI because she didn’t want to get yelled at again.

BUT FIRST!

She shared her nervousness with her Facebook friends, hoping to get some comfort and reassurance.

MRI part 1

MRI part 3

OK, this is not exactly comfort and reassurance, but it made me laugh, and that is even better.

After one last Facebook comment in which I confirmed that I chose pink underwear, I got ready to leave.

BUT FIRST!

Following the credo “If one is good, five are better,” I prepared my pre-procedure sedation prep. See above. I’m not taking any chances.

I was told that the MRI center is a one-story gray building with green windows. I enter an office park filled with one-story, gray buildings with green windows. Scanning for the building number, I almost hit a flock of geese crossing the road in front of me. Is this an omen? Are geese bad luck? Maybe only if you hit one.

The office is quiet. Thank god. I fill out the forms, which, I’ve noted, have me down for “one spine.” I hope they don’t find two spines, but at $400 a pop, it might be good if they found SOMEthing: a vestigial tail or a half-formed calcified twin or at least one of those cysts with the teeth and fingernails.

My sedation prep is kicking in, and I am feeling super relaxed now. SUPER. Relaxed. Now. Nothing sounds better than a nice cool tube to lie down in.

But still I wait. And wait. I’m downright sleepy. The floor is starting to look very comfortable; after all, it’s carpeted and who would care? I’m here for an MRI, presumably I’m in some sort of discomfort, right?

First I sit on the floor, leaning against the wall. Gradually I slide down. I’m lying on my back on the floor of a waiting room. This doesn’t faze me. If I look up, I can see the lady at the check-in desk peering down on me, but she isn’t fazed either, plus if I close my eyes I can’t see her.

No sooner do I get comfy than I’m called back to the MRI room, where I change into a pair of giant stretchy shorts. I am told to leave my iPod in the locker; it won’t work in the tube. I am not offered headphones OR a complimentary Valium. I’d feel indignant if I weren’t so damn relaxed.

I lie down on the nice, soft bed-thingy and am slid into the tube. I’m relieved to discover that the other end is open and if I tilt my head up, I can see daylight. If I need to, I can claw my way outta there.

The technician gives me something to hold onto — a beeper? — in case I need to claw my way outta there.

The clanging begins. It’s mega-loud. But it’s just noise, after all. I’m not feeling the least bit panicky. I’m not even feeling the least bit awake. I’m not even feeling . . .

“Ten more minutes!”

Wha-a-a-a-a? Yes, I’ve fallen asleep. For at least half an hour.

I feel disoriented and crabby. I needed more sleep in there. The technician stops me before I stumble out into the waiting room in my giant stretchy shorts. Oh, yeah. I’ll be needing my pants. And probably my car keys.

“Um . . . did someone drive you here today? The technician asks.

“Oh, yeah. My mom. Uhhhh . . . she dropped me off tho. She’s not in the waiting room, if you were to check or anything. I’m, uh, I’m meeting her. At Target.”

The technician’s look is a combination of “I know you’re lying” and “I could care less.”

On my way out of the office building maze, I come across that same flock of geese. Although my reflexes are not quite what they should be, I do JUST barely avoid hitting them.

As soon as I get home (but after I nap for four hours), I eagerly check out the MRI CD of my scans.

MRI scan 3

What in the bleeping bleep is this messed-up mess?

That can’t be me. My hips aren’t that lumpy. Also are those my lungs? Kidneys? WTF?

Maybe a sideview will help.

MRI side

?????????????????????????????????

What’s that white thing? Fatty lining? Did someone leave a deflated ballon in me? Seriously, what IS that?

MRI scan 1

What are all these white spots? Cancer? Gum? Gas pockets? Probably gas pockets, right?

THIS is why you don’t get MRIs, people!

(“Actually, THIS why you don’t let patients SEE their MRIs,” say 1,000 doctors.)

The results?

Oh, didn’t I tell you?

THIS IS ONLY PART 1!!!!

Unless someone can interpret these damn things for me and save me a co-pay.

__________________________

MRI came from here

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59 Comments


59 Responses to “I Had an MRI”

  1. 1 Kathy

    Ah, how I love a classic JD post! Crying with laughter here. THANK YOU for the belly laugh. I just hung up with my 83 year old father following another epic tech support call. Man, did I need this. You are the queen of hilarity.

  2. 2 Grace

    I had an MRI once – one spine – I was almost completely out of it – morphine and lord only knows what else – still just barely made it through – was starting to panic when they pulled me out – I know I need another one – can I borrow your scans?
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Sunday Serenade =-.

  3. 3 Lola

    I’ve had 3 open MRI’s. 2 for my spine, 1 for my shoulder. 2 for my spine because I freaked out after about 10 minutes and had to press the panic button. One would think they wouldn’t freak out in an ‘open MRI’, but not so. It’s not as ‘open’ as the word ‘open’ would lead you to believe. So for the 3nd spine MRI and the shoulder one I made sure my doctor gave me the good stuff to relax me.

    The MRI place I went to pipes music into the machine, but the music is not loud enough to drown out the clanging and banging. They ask before they slide you into the machine what kind of music you want. Classic Rock, Classical, Country, etc. I chose Classic Rock. All three times it was the exact same music selections in the same order. The first song is “Take It Easy” by the Eagles. It was hard not to laugh when that started being piped into the machine. Lol!

    I never thought to look at my MRI dvd. I have seen my films though. Not pretty.
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Holiday Meme =-.

  4. 4 Surfie

    Only you can make an MRI sound like fun. Those are some pretty scary pictures. Now I see why they charge us so much for the doctors to read the scans and x-rays. But I’m not so convinced they aren’t just guessing. I wonder what would happen if you substituted a Rorschach ink blot instead of your MRI pictures. Would they know the difference?
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Remove Treadmill – Insert Christmas Tree. (Some Assembly Required.) =-.

  5. 5 Patricia

    I’ve had quite a few MRI’s and actually they don’t bother me too much (unless I have to have an injection too–ick!). What I do is COUNT the time away on my fingers. If the tech says it’s going to be 30 minutes, I count to 60 on all fingers three times. It keeps my brain occupied so I’m not bothered by all the noise. Usually the MRI ends before I finish counting and then I’m pleasantly surprised. Your tactic of getting doped up wouldn’t work for me because I can’t tolerate narcotic drugs.

  6. 6 Chris Casey

    I’m holding out for “I had a male enhancement so you don’t have to.”
    Oh Wait, you are a woman? Sorry! Won’t go there! merry Christmas!
    .-= Chris Casey´s last blog ..Bow Down, Bow Down, Before the power of Santa! And the Perfect Christmas gift? A bulk family casket package from Sam’s club! =-.

  7. 7 Kathryn

    Oh my GOD! I am freakin’ DYING over here! From the moment you proudly announced you were self-medicating prior to the “event”, I knew we were in trouble!

    I thought FOR SURE they were gonna say, “Miss JD? You DIDN’T take any muscle relaxants that could have an effect on this here $20,000.00 scan…did you?” To which, of course, you’d lie your sleepy little ass off.

    Maybe some of those white spots and shadows are lumps of carpet lint you picked up from lying on the FLOOR in the WAITING room. (Notice the use of the word “waiting”…not “reclining” or “sleeping” room)

    I am also deeply troubled by the fact that your arms have no hands and seem to only go as far as your waist area. It looks like a cartoon-version of someone’s arms were drawn on each side…

    Other than that, I do believe I recognized that Indian nickel you swallowed in preschool and some leftover sushi from last week. Also, it seems your liver has changed places with your spleen…but I hear this happens when you take large doses of unauthorized relaxants and lay on dirty waiting room floors on a regular basis.

    I can’t believe they let you see this sh!t. And I’m sure the doctors would be THRILLED to know it’s now all over the web.

    Congrats on that third kidney,
    Dr. Kathryn
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Sneaky Puppy…Naughty Puppy =-.

  8. 8 Daisy the Curly Cat

    First of all, geese are a menace! Secondly I would like to know if you brought your own big, stretchy shorts or they supplied them for you?

    I think those white things you circled are the buttons that hold everything together on your insides. Sort of like your belleh button.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Sunday Comics with Daisy! =-.

  9. 9 Pricilla

    Xanax – it does a body good.

    At least you didn’t have the tech looking mysteriously at the films and saying, “the doctor will have to talk to you. DON’T LEAVE.”
    It can’t be too bad, right?
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..WHERE Were Mallory and Luke? =-.

  10. 10 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    First of all I can’t believe they let you just walk right out of there. Was this a drive-thru MRI center or something?

    And what the hell: 40 minutes????? A claustrophopic MRI takes 40 minutes? I’m impressed. Well, since you fell asleep, I”m not THAT impressed, but still 10 minutes is plenty of time to panic like hell.

    Also? I would think complimentary Valium would be a given, but it’s just like the airlines cutting back on their egg salad sandwiches and beef medallions in a port reduction sauce: The good stuff is always the first to go.
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Goat Thing of the Day: Curious Starers =-.

  11. 11 Sparky

    Ok, that has to be one of the funniest MRI stories I’ve heard yet!

    I had to have several performed before my neck surgery last February. I found them relaxing but the Valium does sound like a good idea.

    Thanks for sharing your experience with us! :)
    (I learned about you from Margaret at Nanny Goats In Panties. Another hilarious lady.) :)
    .-= Sparky´s last blog ..Sunday Thoughts And A Humble Prayer Request =-.

  12. 12 Stephanie Barr

    I’ve had an MRI (migraines), but I’m the sort of person the MRI phobic hate – no claustrophobia, no problems other than a little boredom. It lasted longer than 40 minutes though. They discovered, get this, that my sinuses were filled to bursting with phlegm. Thank heavens they were there to tell me that since I’d just gotten over a week-long sinus infection from hell.

    Also, apparently, I had a brain. Not sure what I’ve done with it since then, though.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..Poetry Seed – Winter Wind =-.

  13. 13 Jay

    Hahahaha! Oh, yeah, the scary pictures are scary. I had a CT scan of my oesophagus recently and glancing at the picture on the techie’s screen after I came out convinced me I had advanced lung cancer which had spread to everywhere else and I was gonna die within weeks.

    I hope they find what they were looking for. ‘One spine’. ROFL! Yeah, you probably do have that. ;)

  14. 14 JD

    Kathy: I can’t accept the title of queen, as there are so many other worthy contenders, but I AM glad I could give you a bit of a larff (as we say in England) after the ordeal with your dad. People, I wish you could read Kathy’s e-mail account. Talk about tears of laughter.

    Grace: Hey, that’s not a bad idea! I can sell copies of my scans to anyone who doesn’t want to go in the tube. Maybe you should wait and find out what that white stuff is first. You don’t want to be diagnosed with severe gas pockets.

    Lola: Yes, I’ve heard that the “open” MRIs are still kind of . . . non-open. HA! “Take it Easy.” That’s funny. I didn’t get a music option. I’m feeling like I got kind of gypped. I guess I shouldn’t complain, since I spent most of my time in there asleep tho. I’m sorry you’ve had to have so many MRIs. I guess I’ll rack up a third one (for my hip) if this one doesn’t show anything (other than gum).

    Surfie: Yeah, good point. My doctor is so cocky and know-it-all, I’d love to see what would happen if I gave him a Rorschach ink blot. He’d be all, “Well, the lumbar area seems to be shaped like a butterfly, which is quite common, blah, blah, blah.” I hope there’s something interesting, at least. I do have to write Part 2, after all!

    Patricia: Sounds like you’re figured out a great method to get you through. Sorry to hear you’ve had to go thru this so many times. I’ve never had to do the contrast — what’s so “ick” about it? For my first MRI, I really had a bad time. Not so much with the claustrophobia, but when I panic, I feel like I can breathe, so I was moving around a lot, trying to get a deep breath, etc. That’s frowned upon, apparently.

    Chris Casey: Wait a minute! Exactly what type of male enhancement are we talking about? There’s not much I won’t do, so . . . you know. We can talk. Thanks for stopping by, and Merry X-mas to you!

    Kathryn: Aw, you’re too sweet. Yeah, I think I overdid it with my “prep,” but better safe (ie, asleep) than sorry (ie, panic attacking). I would’ve lied if I had to, but luckily it didn’t come up. I can’t believe they wouldn’t rather have you over-sedated than gasping for breath, squirming, and drumming your fingers on the top of the tube. I’ll have to take another look; I missed the Indian nickel (I need that!) They shouldn’t have given it to me if they didn’t expect me to look at it AND post it on the Internet. What do they expect?

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Thank you SO much for diagnosing my MRI scan. Yes, I’m sure you’re right. We’ve got belleh buttons; we must have other buttons all over the place, making sure our spleen stays put, etc. If I’d known I was going to need a pair of giant stretchy shorts, I certainly could’ve provided my own, but I thought I’d be forced to wear a gown. The shorts are ugly but very comfortable. And no worries about my pink unda-wears showing through the back.

    Pricilla: No, I figured if they let me leave, there probably WASN’T a vestigial tail or anything else too exciting. Altho I did almost expect a phone message later from my doctor. “Can you come in NOW instead of next week? We found all these weird white spots.” Oh, and it’s Klonopin for me, not Xanax. But whatever it takes.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): A drive-thru MRI is an AWESOME idea! Just lie down on the front seat and go thru — kind of like a car wash only with magnetic resonance imaging rays pounding down on you. They told me it would take about 45 minutes. When I got done, I couldn’t believe it, but the clock told the story: 45 minutes! Unreal. Maybe you have to ask for the Valium. Altho in my state I hardly needed it.

    Sparky: Ha! I’m glad you liked it. And welcome! Any friend of Margaret’s is a friend of mine. My first MRI was pretty terrifying, so I figured I wouldn’t take any chances this time around. But I have heard of people falling asleep without drugs. Amazing. I never thought I’d fall asleep WITH drugs, but there you go.

    Stephanie Barr: Ewwwww! So they told you about your sinuses right then and there? And you were able to get it fixed? I’m afraid to have an MRI of my head (not that I need one). The whole brain thing. I suspect I DO have one, but . . . what if it’s all misshapen or something? Or full of gas pockets? I’m glad to know that a rocket scientist working for NASA does, in fact, have a brain.

    Jay: Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have looked. Everything looks wrong and diseased. Of course the doctor will say everything looks great, which will be good news, but then . . . what’s causing all the pain? Anyway, I hope your CT scan turned out to be helpful rather than scary.

  15. 15 Puglette

    i think you need to go to the hospital where hubby and i had our mri’s…we got headphones with the music piped in, you could still hear the machine, but it was a bit better.

    and why would they give you a copy of your scans without discussing it with the doctor first??? that just leads to lots of sleepless speculation.

    and getting a phone call from the doctor immediately after the scan…no good, been there, had that. panic sets in really fast.

    so i say, lay down and finish that nap. then holler at your doctor for letting you see all your inner buttons.
    hugs,
    puglette
    :o)
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Movie Review! =-.

  16. 16 Lidian

    I thought they could pipe music into the scanner – they did for me, only I couldn’t hear it over the washing machine noise. Nice thought though. Awaiting part 2 – would write more but my computer isn’t working too well. Was lucky to type this far…
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..She Changed Her Mind =-.

  17. 17 Rebecca

    Yow, what IS that in your spine in photo #2?? A metal rod of something?! What did you do, swallow a fork when you were a kid?

    I have had my share of MRIs for herniated disks, so I heartily sympathize. I HATE them. Mine turned out much, much better, tho. For one, my MRI technician would never be stupid enough to take photos of my lumpy hips. He’s young and doesn’t want to die prematurely.

    Are you sure they didn’t accidentally photograph your head, in Photo #3? Cuz that looks an awful like a cranium with a severe head cold. You haven’t had a cold lately, have you?

    Well, you must have some good doctor! He must pay through the nose to interpret these.

    By the way… from one sufferer to another… isn’t hydroc***ne the most wonderful invention?!?! :D
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..How Did You Get Your Blog Name? =-.

  18. 18 Buggys

    I’ve had a couple of MRI’s and they never bother me. I fall asleep (yes, I can sleep ANYWHERE!) Last time they offered me a blanket, quite nice.
    I’m pretty sure that’s silly putty in your nether regions there. Not unusual to eat that stuff…..if you’re 3 years old. Buggy girl was pretending to feed it to her toy dinosaurs yesterday. I don’t think she ate any.
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Let It Snow! =-.

  19. 19 Chaired

    I’m no doctor and I typically don’t play one, though I have been mistaken for one, but not really. I’ve also been mistaken for a minister, but that’s another story.

    Anyway, back to the doctor bit, as I said, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure what you’ve got there is a case of spinal worm. It’s like a tapeworm, but by your spine.

    Either that or a baby Goa’uld, which means you’re either a Jaffa or a Goa’uld host, neither of which is good. Both are treatable, but the latter does not require taking pills the rest of your life. So, there’s that.

    And, should treatment not be an option for your Goa’uld problem, well, then, I for one welcome our new alien overlords. Can I have Montana or Colorado, please?
    .-= Chaired´s last blog ..A Few Good Seats =-.

  20. 20 Ron

    OMG, JD…..this post made me HOWL!!!

    “First I sit on the floor, leaning against the wall. Gradually I slide down. I’m lying on my back on the floor of a waiting room. This doesn’t faze me.”

    Bwhahahahahahahahahaha!

    I could actually see that happening!

    This post would have made the perfect “Will and Grace” episode with YOU being Karen!!!

    Thanks for a great laugh, my friend!

    Eagerly anticipating part 2!
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Billy….You’re Such a Doll =-.

  21. 21 Tracy

    Oh man, I got queasy just looking at my ultrasounds, forget a MRI. I just don’t like to thing of all that, that STUFF in there.

    And I’m voting that those white spots are just gristle.

  22. 22 Dr Ferox

    The first shot appears to be a rather crooked view of your liver and kidneys. Air is black on an MRI and if you adjust the brightness you can see the black lung shapes in the top of the picture.

    The white rod that appears to be ‘in your spine’ is actually your spine, assuming you didn’t get any contrast injected into you. It doesn’t go all the way up because you’re not perfectly straight.

    And the ‘white spots’ are probably just fat deposits. They’re not uncommon around blood vessels, though one of them may be an adrenal gland.

    You’ll still want a medico’s opinion through. I don’t see a lot of MRIs in my daily travels.

  23. 23 Jen

    Should I ever need an MRI, I would like to thank you for providing me with an official “Plan of Action” :o) Hope the spots are nothing more than those sticks of Wrigley’s you swallowed in the fourth grade!
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..The Sarabear Chronicles: Part II =-.

  24. 24 V

    you are a riot, jd!

    however, you’re nasty for this:

    a half-formed calcified twin or at least one of those cysts with the teeth and fingernails.

    i’m just saying. i actually know two peeps where this was the case. one being my boss and she tried to show me pictures of what the cysts looks like on the web. i said bleep no.

    girlfriend, it looks like you have arthur in/on your spine. not that little dude with his own pbs show, but the rolling stone arthur, arthritis. i’m right there with you.

    we can share a room, a walker and a wheel chair. no back surgery right, you’re just going to keep popping pills.

    funny stuff, enjoyed the read!

  25. 25 JD

    Lidian: Thanks for using your computer’s dying gasp to type this comment! I was given no offer of piped-in music either. But yeah, it was so loud in there; the music would’ve had to have been death metal at full volume for me to hear it. Not very relaxing.

    Rebecca: Someone below says THAT actually is my spine. Weird, isn’t it? I hate it! I don’t want that white thing in me! As for the lumpy hips, I’m attributing that to the giant stretchy shorts. Blame them for everything. Sorry you’ve had to have so many MRIs. This is only my second. Of two, I hope.

    Puglette: I’m a little surprised they gave me the film AND the CD, as well. I was instructed to bring them with me to the doctor. Can’t they just fax ‘em over? Or isn’t it all computerized? The good thing is, I have them in my possession, so I can hang onto them if I ever see another doc. “Inner buttons”= hee! Yeah, I don’t need to see those.

    Buggys: Well, if Buggy girl DID eat the Silly Putty, I know how to find out. I really canNOT fall asleep anywhere, so I was kind of surprised. But then there were drugs, so . . .

    Chaired: Damn. I knew it was spinal worm. I’m not even gonna look UP those other two things—they sound horrifying. OK, I’m totally going to look them up (after I hear from my doctor). As for pills for the rest of my life . . . yeah, not so much of a big deal. (You can have Colorado, as long as I get to keep Boulder.)

    Ron: Oh, thank you, Ron! And, wow, what a compliment. Karen? Should I be pitching this to NBC? I really need to bring a videographer along with me to prove this all really DOES happen. But maybe it’s more funny when you DON’T see it.

    Tracy: I’m sorry you had to see that. And yes, I’m guessing gristle at this point (and you would know, my head-cheese-eating friend). What the hell else could it be? I’m thoroughly grossed out by the whole thing, but I keep going back to look at it. The thought of all that stuff in there . . . doing whatever it does withOUT my asking it to . . . faints

    Dr Ferox: Ah! At last, a real doctor. OK, a doctor of animals, but our insides are all the same, right? No? Well, similar. Thank you for pointing out that I do in fact have lungs. I was wondering. And I suppose it makes sense that the white thing is my spine. It just doesn’t show up in the frontal view because the soft tissue is in front of it? Now I do have a slight problem with “fat deposits.” Just what are you insinuating? I’m pretty sure it’s gas. THANK YOU FOR YOUR NON-OFFICIAL OPINION!

    Jen: If by “Plan of Action” you mean, knock yourself practically unconscious with sedatives, then YES! You are all set! Oh, and see above for supposed explanation of the white spots. (Fat deposits, my arse . . . grumble, grumble.)

    V: “Bleep no.” I gotta remember that one. It’s what I’ll keep saying to you when you insist on the bed closest to the bathroom when we’re rooming together at the hospital. NO! to surgery! YES! to pills!

  26. 26 moooooog35

    Those white spots are teeth from your absorbed twin.

    Her name was Felicity and she’s PISSED.

    Amazing what you can glean from an MRI.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Assless Chaps were Definitely the Way to Go =-.

  27. 27 Jeff

    I know you have scoliosis, but damn girl… I hoped that crookedness doesn’t cause as much trouble as it looks.

    I’m no expert (in anything) but I think those white spots are just dirty smudges on the scanner. You’d think they’d be more careful with those things. HELLO… WINDEX ANYONE?
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..Missing Pine Found in St. Cloud =-.

  28. 28 Jenn Thorson

    And thus, she leaves us hanging…

    Hanging like that whatsis hanging from her kidney on the MRI…

    Crikey.

  29. 29 Patty

    Darn, girl, that’s one curvy spine! I’m going to go out on a non-medical-training-ledge and say that it may be the cause of your pain…
    My MRI days are long gone since they implanted Harrington rods (for a slightly less curvy spine) that make the MRI films look all fuzzy, like the world on klonopin. I do remember my pre-surgery MRI experiences, however, and I remember that they taped pictures of various ‘relaxing’ places such as a forest and a seashore in the tube…that didn’t help terribly much.
    I have a good friend that is an MRI tech and I once asked her what the nastiest thing she’d ever MRIed. She answered “Oh, a hand or a foot.” I told her that didn’t sound too bad. She then told me that it was JUST a foot or a hand…sans body. I don’t ask her about her job much anymore.

  30. 30 babs - beetle

    Gordon Bennett!! (as they say) It looks very weird inside you – A bit like ‘Alien’ definitely something that shouldn’t be seen by the patient. Especially if the patient worries a lot :)
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..The day I was almost killed by baby formula! =-.

  31. 31 ann

    Ok so I’m leaving a comment
    But first
    I must say that you have the most fabulous way of telling a story.
    I almost died laughing through the whole thing.
    How the heck did you get the MRI DVD? They never let me have anything. The last time I went for tests I left with nothing but an uneasy feeling after seeing a look on one of the tech’s faces. She was looking at the screen and had that “Oh that’s so sad” look on her face. I waited like 4 days to get the results from my doctor only to find out there was nothing wrong with me. And for that I paid hundreds of dollars. Bummer.
    .-= ann´s last blog ..Frustration =-.

  32. 32 A Bay Horse

    Ok that last pic with the yellow circles: clearly that is a smiley face in there. That means the MRI picked up the happy monster living in your tummy.
    .-= A Bay Horse´s last blog ..Baby passed away on Friday =-.

  33. 33 Your Daily Cute

    I have to say, I’m glad you did this. I really, really don’t ever want to.
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..How to Handle the Annoying Pawparazzi =-.

  34. 34 Jen

    I’ve only had one on my knee so I didn’t have to go all the way in. I think I would have to prep like you did. I’m sure a panic attack would happen if I were in there without a little help.

    It is those questions resulting from looking at the pictures that keep me from going.

    I had my mammogram last year, am due for another but don’t know if I should get one with the new rules. I was sure I saw a lump on the screen when my boob was getting mushed. I went home, was told someone would call me later with results since the tech couldn’t read the results (which seemed odd since I had no trouble reading them). I prepared myself to tell my kids that I had to start chemo or have a mastectomy or whatever the worst possible outcome could be. I got a call the next day, that all was clear. I of course knew that they had read the results incorrectly or mixed mine up with someone else’s or something. I knew I was dying. Eventually my doctor convinced me that I was perfectly healthy but not without a little work on his part. He might actually think the new mammogram rules should apply to me. Maybe once every two years?

    I hope yours turned out well, no extra spine or twin hanging on with claws. However if you had one you might be one of those people who have two sets of DNA…Chimera? I watch way too much CSI.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Ever Have One of those Days? =-.

  35. 35 Tim

    That’s weird, non of you were offered ear plugs? The noise is above the safe level after all… The two MRI’s I had up here in Canada they were pretty insistent about hearing protection.
    Boy, can I get some good sleep in that tube! I don’t need drugs to pass out with a relaxing spot to lie in.
    .-= Tim´s last blog ..Rural Internet Woes: Stupid Aircards! =-.

  36. 36 Dorothy Stahlnecker

    OMG you are a riot..because I’m a two time cancer survive Ovarian and breast, I’ve been through all the test and they are never alright they are always a trauma…I so felt your pain although I was laughing as well…hope your results are good and wishing you a wonderful week.

    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com
    .-= Dorothy Stahlnecker´s last blog ..Please Watch the Good Wife this week =-.

  37. 37 Tiggy

    I’m sure I can see a face in one of those scans.

    ;)
    .-= Tiggy´s last blog ..Rainbow Princess: A Christmas Wish =-.

  38. 38 JD

    moooooo35: Uh oh. Felicity, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to absorb you. At least you’ve gained notoriety as a white spot on my MRI . . . on my blog. Lame.

    Jeff: Yeah . . . the crookedness does cause some problems, all right, but nothing that can’t be fixed by a little Windex. I’m just going to blame the WHOLE THING on a smudged-up scanner. Geez, modern medicine . . .

    Jenn Thorson: Yikes! I didn’t even notice that thingie. Again, I ask you: WHAT IS THAT THING?

    Patty: I like to say I have a “curvaceous” spine, thank you. Ah . . . “the world on Klonopin.” That’s my favorite way to look at the world! I’m sorry you had to get those rods jammed in your back, but I hope they help. In other news, WHO THE HELL IS MRI-ing A DAMN FOOT? No, I don’t want to know any more.

    babs – beetle: Who says “Gordon Bennett”? Is that some kind of Cockney rhyming slang? Luckily I don’t worry a lot. I know the doc is gonna be like, “Gordon Bennett! There’s nothing wrong with you! Get outta here!” And I’ll be like, “But what about these white spots . . . ” as I’m shown the door.

    ann: Thank you! Oh, I hate when the tech’s allow their emotions to show on their faces. Or, in the case of my mom, in their voices, as when one actually TOLD her she was “not in good shape.” DUMBASS! Excuse me. I don’t know why they gave me the CD and the film. I have to haul them to my doc myself, and it’s SNOWING outside. You’d think they’d just e-mail him the files or something. I’m glad you’re OK. MRIs suck.

    A Bay Horse: Yay? A happy monster sounds like less of a problem than an evil absorbed twin. I get the results today, and I will BE SURE to ask about the happy monster.

    Your Daily Cute: I hope you never have to. Tho really, it’s not that bad. Better than getting your ears flushed out.

    Jen: I DO watch too much CSI! And X-Files and Mystery Diagnosis. I probably should not be allowed to see test results of any kind. I don’t worry, necessarily, I just have a very active imagination. I’m sorry you went through all that misery after your mammo. I think we’re better off without a lot of these tests, personally.

    tim: OMG! I totally forgot until now that YES I did have earplugs. But they don’t stay in my ear, so they didn’t help. Thanks for reminding me. YES! They give you earplugs.

    Dorothy Stahlnecker: Aw, thank you. And congratulations on being a TWO-TIME cancer survivor. That’s awesome!

  39. 39 carissajade

    Ahahaha Girl, Only you could make an MRI funny. Although the last time I had an MRI I almost killed my doctor and that could have been a little funny if it was rewritten into a play of sorts. When I went back to get my results, he went through the whole spiel of telling me i needed to get my gallbladder removed. He showed me my effed up gallbladder on the scans and drew all sorts of diagrams explaining how my horrible eating had been effecting me and how I would probably never get to eat a french fry again. He even scheduled an appt. with a surgeon. I freaked out. Then he came back and told me he had been reading the wrong charts the whole time…. So I hope that doesn’t happen to you!
    .-= carissajade´s last blog ..Post it note Tuesday: First Timer! =-.

  40. 40 Muskrat

    I’m scared of MRIs, unless I get to wear a cool miner’s hat.
    .-= Muskrat´s last blog ..things of which i am not a fan: god’s use of irony =-.

  41. 41 TheWordWire

    Despite your good sense of humor about it, anything that requires an MRI must be pretty scary. Hope all is well and you get good news results!
    .-= TheWordWire´s last blog ..Best of 2009 Blog Challenge: Moment of Peace =-.

  42. 42 Yum Yucky

    Ummm. Yes. Doctor’s should NOT give patients souvenir MRI pics. I have some too. Shall we compare our MRI’s?
    .-= Yum Yucky´s last blog .."Tasting!" Keebler Fudge Shoppe Caramel Cookies =-.

  43. 43 megscole64

    Too funny. Hubby is so afraid of tight spaces that he had to go to a clinic with a SPECIAL non-enclosed machine that is for people with claustrophobia (and fat people). :) And even then they had to stop several times so he didn’t hyperventilate.

  44. 44 babs - beetle

    You know, I don’t know who says Gordon Bennett, or who Gordon Bennett is, but someone says it…. or is it just me? (scratches head)….. nope, people DO say it, and it’s definitely not rhyming slang ;)
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..The day I was almost killed by baby formula! =-.

  45. 45 condo blues

    No headphones? That stinks. No wonder people hate MRIs. I had one once and I got headphones and I wasn’t freaked out in the least. of course it was on my foot so I didn’t have to be in the tube, but really I think it was the headphones and alternative music playing on them. I think you should sue because we’re Americans and dagnabit we sue at the drop of a hat! I think it’s in the Constiution or something.

    Did they at least let you keep the stretchy shorts as a consolation prize? Could come in handy with all of the holiday eating.
    .-= condo blues´s last blog ..Sparkly Glam Recycled Outdoor Christmas Décor =-.

  46. 46 flit

    I knew your version would be much funnier than the last MRI story I heard – that one went on forEVER. Excruciating detail – and then he says and I says and I says and he says and OMG SHUT UP!

    I’m glad you did it so I won’t have to – my ankle is all held together by plates and screws (Philips) so I don’t think I’ll ever have to worry about it though. I hope.
    .-= flit´s last blog ..I am STEAMED =-.

  47. 47 JD

    Tiggy: I know. If you look real hard, it looks like Bart Simpson. Or Sean Connery. I’m still staring at it.

    carissajade: Oh, my GOD! You’ve got a blog post right there, my friend! That’s hilarious. I mean, you know. I got my results yesterday (post to come), and my doctor looked at my scans and first said, “Did I do surgery on you?” Uh, no. And then, “You’re not 80, are you?” That last comment was supposed to be a joke. I said being 80 would explain a lot. Har har.

    Muskrat: No complimentary Valium, no headphones, and no cool miner’s hat. I got seriously ripped off.

    TheWordWire: Thank you! Luckily this is a longtime, ongoing situation, so I’m not expecting anything too horrifying.

    Yum Yucky: Oh, yes! I think we could potentially get into a lot of trouble, which translates into: Awesome blog posts for all!

    megscole64: Aw! Poor hubby. I think the fact that it is also for fat people would make me try to muster the courage to do the closed ones. But I’ve heard the open ones are not all that “open.” Poor guy! I hope he’s OK.

    babs – beetle: OK, I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

    condo blues: I amost stole the stretchy shorts, because there was a huge pile of them in the changing room. I should have! I’m getting more and more mad about the headphones issue. Dang it!

    flit: Well, mine WAS pretty long, but I tried to cut down on the narration. I hope your ankle stays OK!

  48. 48 kathcom

    That is so cool! I didn’t get a CD of my brain MRI. “Did they find anything?” was the standard yukfest I heard about 50 times from friends.

    Also, everybody told me it would be horrible. A doctor told me it’s like being in a coffin. Thanks, guys. I didn’t fall asleep–maybe I didn’t take enough little blue helpers– but it wasn’t bad. Thanks for sharing your strange but not terrible experience, strength and hope.

    And please let me know if those things are gas bubbles.
    .-= kathcom´s last blog ..Great Gifts for Everyone on Your List! =-.

  49. 49 MomZombie

    Thank you so much for having that MRI for me. No thank you. I’m brave about a lot of things but being shoved into a big LOUD metal tube is not one of them. And isn’t it creepy to look at pictures of your innards? My dentist did a head X-ray of me a few years ago and told me to “just hang onto this.” No further explanation. I stared at that weird picture for a while and decided I wouldn’t look any better as a skeleton.
    P.S. I just love the way you write about things. It’s like a Seinfeld episode.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..Denial Twist =-.

  50. 50 Keith

    Great Post. Panic attacks can be scary.
    .-= Keith´s last blog .. =-.

  51. 51 JD

    kathcom: Man, I need to get a brain MRI. That sounds so awesome. I hope your brain is OK. No, I don’t think MRIs are quite as bad as some people warn. Obviously if you’re claustrophobic or prone to panic attacks, it’s pretty bad. But for my first one, the technician went out of her way to ask if I was OK, etc. According to a vet who commented above, those white spots are fatty deposits. I prefer gas bubbles myself.

    MomZombie: Aw, thank you. And you’re welcome! I have a mixture of fascination and dread when it comes to looking at X-rays or MRIs. On one hand, I just really don’t want to know what goes on in there. On the other . . . what the hell is going ON in there?

    Keith: Thanks! Yes, I know. I’m glad I skipped that part of the experience.

  52. 52 Anne

    The sedative is just genius! I hate MRIs, but I bet with a few sedatives, it would be much, much better. I have had the in-tube anxiety attack.

  53. 53 Maureen

    They GIVE you your scan??? Holy crap! They HIDE them from patients up here.

    “Lemme look!”

    “No!”

    “Aw, come on…”

    “No! It looks erm, ‘fine’….”

    “Let me see!”

    “No! You just have to take my word for it. You’re ‘fine’. ”

    But at least it doesn’t cost $400.
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..The Nightmare Before Christmas =-.

  54. 54 Heather Kephart

    You are so brave, Julia! To be honest, I think the white things are reminiscent of tadpoles. :)
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..Interview: DiTesco of iBlogZone =-.

  55. 55 Viktoria

    Being sedated for an MRI? Right… That’s a first. I intentionally did not take any muscle relaxing pain medication or anything before the procedure, because they were looking at whiplash injuries from a car accident. Next time I’ll bring my own CD, their idea of “classical music” is not compatible with the noise…

    Forty minutes for my procedure, no sedation so no grogginess or trouble driving, though you can see from the scans how a migraine attack develops around my brain stem and spreads to the whole head in the dilated arteries. I’m in the process of photoshopping a Goa’uld into my brain stem. Just for the heck of it ;)

  56. 56 JD

    Anne: Well, I hope you never need another MRI, but if you do, take a tip from Dr. JD and pre-medicate! With sedatives! Seriously, ask your (real) doctor. Everyone does it. And it makes such a difference.

    Maureen: HA! I don’t know why they give me copies of everything. My closet is stuffed with X-rays, MRIs, and other reports and various CDs. Maybe I can sell them on e-bay or something. Or give them to YOUR patients!

    Heather Kephart: Oh, god, I hope they’re not tadpoles. My doctor would neither confirm nor deny that they ARE tadpoles. So they’re probably tadpoles. Oh, gross.

    Viktoria: OK, I had to Google “Goa’uld” because I do not watch Stargate. INTERESTING! I’m sorry you have migraines. AND whiplash? Or are the migraines the result of whiplash? I hope there was no other damage. And I hope you at least POST-sedated afterward. It seems like you deserve it.

  57. 57 Viktoria

    The whiplash is a simple result of a car accident I was in while on duty. The guy whose fault it was is charged with driving without a license, driving a car with unpaid taxes, DUI (drugs, not alcohol) and oh, for my injury. He’ll have a fun day in court… I did not sue the guy for my injury separately, as I’m moving abroad and can’t stick around for a court date… He’ll get what he deserves, I’m sure.

    The muscle tension around my injured neck triggers migraines as it shifts and affects arteries and neural pathways. Got to see the 3D renderings of my brain last night, thanks to a friend who’s a med student and has the diagnostic software. It’s freaky how you can recognise your face in the scans. The insides of my eyeballs are pretty creepy to look at, too.

    And why the heck would I need to be sedated for a non-invasive procedure? I’m claustrophobic, but I’ve also got the self-control and patience of a martial artist and a trained sniper, a little discomfort can be tolerated as long as you can distract your mind from the situation you’re in, be it a trench, a dojo or in the bowels of a huge superconductive two tesla magnetic field that’s generated by superconductive electromagnetic sirquits cooled with cryogenic gases that’d in a worst case scenario not only asphyxiate me if the machine were to leak, but would also freeze me (cryogases) and fry me (magnets generate insane amounts of heat if the cooling system fails), or be pierced by a metal object that turns into a bullet-like projectile within the magnetic field of the MRI…

    Anyways, had I been sedated, I’d have been too relaxed, as they were scanning for soft tissue damage from the whiplash. I endured it well enough. I’ve had teeth pulled without anaesthetics, I think a clanking machine isn’t that bad. Why would you need sedation unless you’re a fidgety six-year old? :)

  58. 58 Viktoria

    As a scrap of new, random information, there’s a disc between the vertebrae that’s swollen and squeezes some nerves in my spine so signals get mixed up along the way. The swelling will go down on its own, I’m told, and I’ll be fine. :)

    So the squiggly I thought looked funny *was* an injury.

  59. 59 mritechniciansalary

    Great story! Very funny and a little disturbing. No ear plugs? I would opt for the sedatives also, but the techs should do everything possible
    to make you feel as comfortable as they can but… you know some people have a job just to collect a paycheck and just don’t care!

    And BTW I’m not a medical pro but your spine (if thats what it is in the pic) looks crooked..
    Maybe you have too many tadpoles on one side than the other Lol!

    MRI Technician Salary


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