I don’t want to hear it
‘Cuz I know what I’ve done

Xray

OK! So I went to see my orthopedist for my MRI results.

BUT FIRST!

Like everyone else, I had to wait. In a packed waiting room. Christmas carols blasting over the speakers and small children running around. A woman hacking WITH PHLEGM into a worryingly flimsy tissue. Sitting adjacent to me and ALMOST TOUCHING me is an old lady with her husband and son. So I surmise, anyway. I’m guessing the son was there to help the old lady (his mother), as she apparently didn’t speak English.

Even if I had wanted to, there was no room to lie down on the floor. And anyway, I brought my laptop because this doctor is always running late and I had a ton of work.

“JD?” Oh, phew. I stood up to follow the nurse to the exam room, when . . .

DISASTER!

I dropped my laptop — MY LAPTOP!

My laptop! My precious laptop! Damn, I really dropped it. My laptop! NO!

Mere nanoseconds after I registered the horror of my laptop falling to the ground, I realized that on its way it had bounced — hard — off that old lady’s foot.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry!” I helplessly put my hand on her foot, like I have some kind of healing touch (well, maybe I do; I’ve never tested it. But if this old lady was any indication, I do not).

I was genuinely sorry and horrified, until I noticed that a small piece of my computer was lying near her foot.

Dear god! My computer is BROKEN! Noooooo!

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

I turned reluctantly back to the old lady.

“I’m sorry. Really. I, uh . . . hmmm!” I looked at the husband and he was no help at all. The son was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed the piece of my computer and stared at it. Did it fit into the back somehow? Was it part of the innards?

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Um, I’m sorry, OK? So . . .  all right, then.” What the hell was I supposed to say? The old lady wouldn’t even acknowledge me. I know, she didn’t speak English, but how about saying SOMEthing besides “Ow! Ow! Ow!”? How about one of those dismissive hand waves that indicate “Oh, it’s OK. I’ll be fine. Go off to your appointment.” If not that, I’d unhappily settle for an accusatory finger or a mean look.

I could feel everyone staring. No one was helping me! The nurse who had called my name seemed to be frozen.

HELP ME!

What do I do? How do I extricate myself from this hellish situation? If I’d spilled something on her coat, I’d offer to pay for the cleaning, then leave. If I hit her in my car, I’d trade insurance information. And then LEAVE. But what does the law say about a laptop dropped on a foot? How do I leave?

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

Oh, shut up! I know! Your damn foot hurts. I get it. EVERYone gets it. Now let’s move on, shall we?

She would NOT move on. She continued moaning and whimpering and refusing to look at anyone.  Ow freaking Ow. I was kneeling on the floor, staring helplessly at her stupid foot. Really, it looked fine to me.

What would you have done? What could ANYone do? What is the protocol? How was I supposed to make the transition from kneeling on the floor and apologizing to getting on with my life? Should I have given her my insurance card? My business card? My business card is basically a picture of my blog header. What would this old lady do with THAT? Leave me a nasty comment?

The nurse FINALLY spoke up. She asked the old lady which doctor she was seeing. Of course it was the same doctor I was seeing. There was talk of X-raying the old lady’s foot, and that seemed to bring some closure to the situation. I bolted out of the waiting room.

“I’m so sorry!” I said to the nurse on our way to the exam room.

“Oh, it’s OK.” She didn’t sound very convincing. “We’ll have to file an incident report, but it won’t have anything to do with you.”

Are you sure? It was really more of an accident than an incident. Also, I just spent $400 on an MRI. I can’t be paying old ladies’ foot bills!

When my doctor came in, I felt obliged to tell him what happened. After all, he was going to have to deal with the old lady and her foot after me. His response made me feel a little better.

“Oh, my god! Is your computer OK?”

“Luckily, her foot helped to break its fall,” I explained.

Oh, boy. We’re both going to hell. I tried to ease my guilty conscience by saying how sorry I was for the hundredth time.

“Oh, well. Everyone has problems!”

This is my kind of doctor. What a healthy outlook. I hope that old lady feels the same way.

He insisted on taking me into the hallway to show me my MRI film. Why is the MRI screen in the hallway, where that old lady can get me? I could barely hear what he was saying; I was too busy listening for “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

Shit, man! There’s the son, just around the corner! And next to him is the old lady. At least she’s not in a wheelchair.

“Is there a back entrance?” I asked the nurse, practically pushing her over in my hurry to get the hell out of there.

“Do you want your coat?” she called after me.

I managed to elude the old lady. I don’t know what happened to her and her foot. I’m waiting for a letter addressed to “Laptop Lady from the Waiting Room Who Didn’t Do the Right Thing or Really Even Apologize Sufficiently.”

Oh, and the results?

Well, I think everything will be OK. It was my caps lock key that fell off. It’s still loose, but it seems to work. I may have to . . .

OH, my MRI results?

Eh. Everything looks pretty much the same as it did on my 2002 MRI. Scoliosis, some bulging discs. No happy monsters or half-formed twins. No explanation of the white spots or misshapen “organs.” I’m relieved. But . . .

Now I need a hip MRI. And you know what that means.

Another $400.

In the meantime, I’ll be staking out waiting rooms, coffee shops, and airports. I’ll find the person easily enough. She’ll be preoccupied and clumsy. In a hurry. When she gets up, she won’t have a firm grip on her laptop.

My foot will be waiting.

I’ll collect my $400 AND get my caps lock key fixed. I’m already practicing.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

________________________

Foot came from here

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58 Comments


58 Responses to “I Got My MRI Results — and Possibly a Lawsuit”

  1. 1 Puglette

    oh dear. how totally embarassing!

    i was slightly confused at first when i saw the foot x-ray. i wondered why you needed an mri of your inner buttons if the problem was your foot. however, i read on and my confusion cleared.

    i think you did the right thing, just apologize and move on. you can replace your keyboard fairly cheaply if needed. between hubby and i, we have replaced three keyboards.

    i hate going to the doctor these days, all the ill people with their hamthrax germs. my doctor makes them wear masks if they are ill…it’s a bit disconcerting to sit in a waiting room full of masked people.
    hugs from me and ollie,
    puglette
    :o)
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Ho Ho Ho!! =-.

  2. 2 Jenn Thorson

    Well, good on the MRI… er, the FIRST one anyway.

    Old ladies do tend to turn up the drama in certain situations, don’t they?

    I walked quickly around one old lady once in a grocery store and I guess she didn’t like it. She went after me and rammed me with her cart, getting me in the back of the heel.

    She’s probably got a voodoo doll of me somewhere she gets out when she’s bored.

    Yours probably has taken a bit of your laptop to spit on and curse. I bet there’s a shrine for it.
    .-= Jenn Thorson´s last blog ..Roger, the Friendly Neighborhood Human Skull =-.

  3. 3 Stephanie Barr

    I don’t know what to say. I hope there isn’t a lawsuit involved. I hope her foot was not permanently damaged (though she’d likely sue the doctor rather than you because he has more money and malpractice insurance.). I’m glad your computer is still working. If the screen had gone, you’d be really hurting.

    I’m also sorry you have another MRI on its way and that you’re still dealing with pain.

    Oh, and you’re still hilarious despite all that.
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..Hey, Check Out MY Reading =-.

  4. 4 kathcom

    I accidentally hit a woman on the arm when the subway train we were on jerked forward. She howled and looked around at everyone in the car with her mouth agape. I apologized several times but you would have thought I’d hit her with a hammer. So I said, “Would you like me to pay for your emergency room bill?” She said, “Ohhh, come on!” and I got in her face and said, “GET OVER IT.” I scared her silent and stopped everyone from staring at me. But the subway’s a hostile environment. It’s not like the conductor is going to tell me I can’t ride anymore.

    I’m glad your MRI came out okay. I’m sorry you had to deal with that old lady milking her injury. (I am glad her foot probably kept your laptop from breaking.) I think if there is a protocol for how long to be apologetic fro a minor injury, you nailed it.
    .-= kathcom´s last blog ..Great Gifts for Everyone on Your List! =-.

  5. 5 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Well, I’m sorry the old lady got hurted but that was the funniest story I have heard in a long time. Thank Cod your laptop is okay! And also, I think you should be glad for HIPAA laws so they cannot give your name or address to that old lady! She sounds like the type who would call you up to complain.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Can I eats your finger? =-.

  6. 6 absepa

    Oh gosh, how mortifying. It seems like that kind of thing happens to me a lot, too. I’m glad your laptop is okay, and that you got away from the foot lady mostly unscathed. Sorry that you need another MRI, but maybe you can get another good blog post out of it. :)
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Maybe this is not the kind of therapy I really need =-.

  7. 7 feefifoto

    Come on — she needs to lighten up. You did her a favor: if she has to have something dropped on her foot, what better place for it to happen than in a doctor’s office?
    .-= feefifoto´s last blog ..December Already? Add Strange Dates To Personalized Calendars Just To See If Anyone’s Paying Attention =-.

  8. 8 Theresa

    Oh, I think you’re ok, JD. Sounds like that old lady had lots of scamming practice to get her into old age, and she must’ve felt honored to have yet another dropped right in her lap. Er, on her foot.

    Is your laptop truly OK?
    .-= Theresa´s last blog ..It Did End, But Nobody Noticed =-.

  9. 9 carissajade

    I’m sure she is fine!! Anyways she was in the best possible place to have a broken foot, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. And I’m sure she had good insurance. And she was old! She doesn’t need a foot for much longer anyway..

    That’s why I am going to hell

    I’m glad YOUR MRI (this one) turned out to be ok… and your computer!!!
    .-= carissajade´s last blog ..I’ve been a bad bad girl… =-.

  10. 10 Grace

    I’m so glad you do all this crazy stuff so I don’t have to – really I am.
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..Dreams deferred and then outgrown OR Can you like only jelly donuts? =-.

  11. 11 GoingLikeSixty

    Oh you are soooooooooooo sued. Probably by the woman AND the Doc’s insurance company.

    Remember the time you wrote that you were going searching for a little old lady to hurt and make it look like an accident so I wouldn’t have to?

    (Dear Personal Injury Attorney: I will testify for a tiny fee and a nice trip next fall.)

  12. 12 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    Gosh… did the son stalk you and follow you home? Cause that would make for a funny post! I get stalked so you don’t have to…
    .-= Barb – WillThink4Wine´s last blog ..Just another tied up Tuesday =-.

  13. 13 TheWordWire

    I was once on a city bus involved in a teensy-weensy fender bender. No one was hurt except for most of the passengers… all suffering identical neck pain. Good thing that lady got hurt at a place that takes incident reports.
    .-= TheWordWire´s last blog ..Honey, Where’s the Glitter? =-.

  14. 14 Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"

    That’s great your laptop didn’t break, much anyway! I felt so bad for you as I read this. Sounds like that lady was just making a big scene. Doctor trips are never a good thing but at least mine wasn’t as bad as yours.
    .-= Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”´s last blog ..Dear Dad, Happy Birthday! =-.

  15. 15 ann

    I think I’m going to practice up on my “ow’s” for the next time someone drops something on me, bumps me, pushes me or whatever. Could work.
    I just want to know one thing. If you have scoliosis then why do I have to….lol
    .-= ann´s last blog ..Time Flies =-.

  16. 16 babs - beetle

    Thank goodness for old lady’s feet, I say! Your poor laptop. I hope it’s OK. Maybe I’m supposed to say I hope the old lady’s foot is OK, but I think she milked it a bit! maybe she was seeing $ with every Ow! in case she sues.
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..The day I was almost killed by baby formula! =-.

  17. 17 Lola

    Thank you for attacking old non-english speaking ladies with your laptop so I don’t have to.

    Glad to hear your laptop is ok. That IS what’s important. Lol!
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According To Kathy Griffin =-.

  18. 18 JD

    Puglette: HI PUGLETTE! I’m glad you think I did the right thing. I felt like it was all I COULD do, but more seemed required at the time. Heh: “hamthrax germs.” Yeah, I am very lucky to have a pretty super immune system, but it was sorely tested that day. I’ll take masks over germs, I think. Hugs back!

    Jenn Thorson: Oh, no! Now I’m scared. I don’t care what happens to me, but she’d better not curse my laptop. It’s bad enough the caps lock key is loose. What is it with these mean old ladies? Leave us alone!

    Stephanie Barr: Why, thank you. No experience is too bad if you can get a blog post out of it. I’m so grateful my computer is OK; I almost don’t even care about another MRI. And the fact that the old lady was on her feet not too long after the incident makes me think she’s probably OK. As for the pain, well, as long as my other doc keeps the Vicodin coming, I’ll be fine.

    kathcom: I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d yelled “GET OVER IT” at this old lady in the middle of the dead-quiet waiting room. It was tempting, I’ll tell you. I was so worried about my computer, it was hard to know how to act. Sounds like YOU handled YOUR old lady situation just right, too.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Thank Cod, indeed! Oh, thank you for mentioning HIPAA. I hadn’t thought of that. I was worried that she WOULD ask for my name and address. Phew. Well, I’m sorry she got hurted too, but maybe she shouldn’t have been sitting so close to me.

    absepa: I’m putting off the second MRI for a while. But yeah, hopefully I can squeeze a post out of it. Or it might just be totally boring. If it looks like nothing is going to happen, I can always throw my laptop at someone, I suppose.

    feefifoto: Right! I wanted to point that out. I don’t know if she would’ve appreciated that observation at the time, but it’s true. These old ladies. They really do need to lighten up, don’t they?

    Theresa: Yes, the laptop does seem OK, thanks for asking. Thank god. I was so worried. And I hope that lady’s continuous “Ow Ow Ow’s” were just for show. I would truly feel bad if my laptop had done damage.

    carissajade: Right! Oh, you guys are making me feel SO much better. Old people generally get by pretty well on one foot, don’t they? (See you in hell.) And thank you. I’m SO relieved about my computer. The MRI — eh, who cares.

    Grace: Well, someone has to. And to be honest, a lot of it just happens; I don’t even DO it.

    GoingLikeSixty: Wait, WHAT? No, I don’t remember that! Anyway, my computer was damaged by her foot. I can counter-sue. You don’t want to mess with me. Don’t forget Entertainment Ekly!!!

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: That WOULD be funny, wouldn’t it? Luckily the son didn’t see me either. But if he had been there in the waiting room when it happened . . . well, I don’t like to think about it. But THAT would probably have made a good post too.

    TheWordWire: Brrrr. Just the term “incident reports” makes me clutch my laptop to my chest in terror. So did you suffer any neck pain from that bus accident? Was everyone going “Ow! Ow! Ow!”?

    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”: Well, you know, even if you have a bad doctor’s appointment, you can try to get a blog post out of it. That always cheers me up. I don’t know if it would cheer up that old lady, though.

    ann: I don’t know how the “I Do Things” works. Sometimes even tho I do or have something, it still means you have to do or have it. I’m sorry. I’m still working out the kinks. Let me know if you ever get to use your “Ow! Ow! Ow!” routine.

    babs – beetle: I love you guys. Yes, thank god for the old lady’s foot. And I must say: it did look rather sturdy. Certainly more sturdy than my computer, which lost the caps lock key. I didn’t see any pieces of her foot flying off!

    Lola: I’m glad we all have our priorities in order. I flinch every time I recall the moment of impact. My poor computer!

  19. 19 Daniela

    maybe OW actually means something else in her language. She might not even have been in any pain. What if she LIKED it. sick old granny
    .-= Daniela´s last blog ..Der Uebermops by Christopher Vear =-.

  20. 20 Surfie

    Maybe she was waiting for you to thank her for breaking your laptop’s fall with her foot. Now she might be telling everyone that not only were you rude to drop your computer on her foot, but that you were ungrateful you were when she saved it from total destruction. You know how old people are… :)
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Myrtle Beach Half Marathon Medal =-.

  21. 21 unfinishedrambler

    I would have felt the same exact way…

    …if I had a laptop.

    You lucky dog.

    I’m so jealous now that I really think the woman should sue…

    …and I hope she wins! So there. :P
    .-= unfinishedrambler´s last blog ..Of Jedi Knights, stew and fantasy football =-.

  22. 22 Crabby Blogging Lady

    Darn it. I was hoping you’d say that the old lady was going to sue, and doctor was a fire-breathing maniac who’d be the witness, and you’d have a whole new SLEW of funny posts to write!!

    Oh well.

    Glad to hear your laptop is OK, I was really starting to worry!!
    .-= Crabby Blogging Lady´s last blog ..I Love Kids =-.

  23. 23 Lidian

    I am glad your laptop is OK and that the lady – stopped yelling OW. Gawd, how awful. Like you didn’t pony up enough guilt, so she had to keep yelling.

    My laptop is like my 3rd child so I would have reacted exactly the same way.

    I love love love how you write, this was such a treat to read! But obviously, not a treat for you to get the material for. Yeah.
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..A Surprising Wow =-.

  24. 24 Kathryn

    OH MY GOD.

    What the hell??

    FINE. I’ll handle this:

    Dear Armenian, Foreign, Non-English-Speaking-Old-Lady,
    I’m a blogbud of JD’s. The one who *allegedly* dropped an
    *alleged* laptop on your *alleged* foot?

    Yeah, well…it turns out her laptop missed your foot by 3/4 of
    an inch and that “OWOWOWOW!” business was really an unrelated bunion attack due to the drop in barometric pressure combined with that double-martini your son forced down your throat at lunch.

    No harm, no foul.

    Resume your life and please accept this gift certificate to have your bunion magically healed by “TheGreatJD’sHealingHands” (patent pending) for any inconvenience.

    That oughta do it.
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Short People =-.

  25. 25 Tim

    Well, boy are you lucky! I bet our lord Cod lined up that old lady’s foot just to save your laptop.
    .-= Tim´s last blog ..Twilight and the Bestiality vs. Necrophilia Debate =-.

  26. 26 legalmindatwork

    legally speaking, no cause of action exists between you and the non-english speaking old lady, the latter and the doctor nor the old lady and your laptop…

    personally though, the one that should be doing the unstoppable “Ow”ing should be your laptop as it is clear there really is no harm done to the old lady.

    But….thank you for dropping your laptop to a non-english speaking old lady just to see her reaction…so I don’t have to…

    hehehhehe

  27. 27 cardiogirl

    After the fourth time, I would have *wanted* to say to the old lady:

    “Say. OW. Again.

    SAY OW AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, mofo. Say OW one more time.”

    But I know I would have snatched my cap locks key and profusely apologized.

    Glad to hear your laptop’s okay.

    Oh. And your MRI, too.
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..Sometimes I have a hankerin’ for deep-fried spam with a little salt and pepper =-.

  28. 28 Regan

    Oh my god! But is your laptop okay?

    And I’ve always hated waiting rooms. Sick kids just running around. They’re so annoying and they always cough and blow their little kid noses all over the toys and everything else.

    They really need to have a waiting room for sick patients and a waiting room for healthy people just getting check ups and xrays and all that.

    And parents really need to control their snot kids.

  29. 29 Patty

    Maybe she was milking her injury for some percocets? I hear ‘ow, ow, ow’ is the perfect way to uh…’ask’ for such meds…she probably also needed a complimentary valium to calm her nerves from your vicious, vicious, and clearly pre-meditated laptop attack. How could you do such a thing to one of our beloved senior citizens?

    I’m glad and sorry about your results–I’m glad there’s nothing new to report, but it also sucks that the cause of your pain isn’t fixable by easy means, like a magic bone-straightening/disc fixing pill. ‘Big pharma’ really needs to get off their duffs and work on that one instead of relaxing all day eating cheetos and watching youtube.

  30. 30 JD

    Daniela: YEAH! Sick old granny. That’s probably what it was. All this worrying for nothing.

    Surfie: I DO know how old people are. Who can say WHAT she was trying to get across? If only she’d gone for the dismissive hand wave.

    unfinishedrambler: Oh no! If she sues me, she’ll take away my laptop! And then you won’t be jealous anymore. Wait . . . I’m beginning to follow your evil scheme. Well, it won’t work! Because I’ll sue YOU for . . . um . . . well, I’ll think of something.

    Crabby Blogging Lady: No need to worry! And who knows? I may yet get sued. That doctor could easily turn on me for enough money. And, oh, what a blog post I’ll have then!

    Lidian: Oh, thank you. No, the experience itself wasn’t too fun, but as I was driving home, it started to form in my brain, and I felt much better. I would’ve ponied up way MORE guilt; I just didn’t know how, other than saying “I’m sorry” for every “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

    Kathryn: Aren’t you kind! And I do like all those “allegedly’s.” Perhaps I should’ve used a few myself in this blog post, where I basically incriminate myself beyond any reasonable doubt. We do have to talk about this promise to heal her bunion, however. It might be hard to sell, since I had to have MY bunion surgically removed.

    Tim: Thank you, Lord Cod! I am truly grateful. I can live with a loose caps lock key (tho it’s a bit annoying). Thank YOU, Tim, for helping me to see the bright side.

    legalmindatwork: You’re welcome! And thank you for setting my mind at ease regarding the legalities of all of this. “No cause of action.” I like the sound of that. If the phone rings, and a voice at the other end is going, “Ow! Ow! Ow!” I’ll just yell, “NO CAUSE OF ACTION!” and hang up.

    cardiogirl: Yeah, I was getting pretty close to that “mofo” place. Ve-e-e-e-ry close. If there hadn’t been a waiting room full of people (including children), I might’ve slipped one in. The nurse probably would’ve cheered me on.

    Regan: YES! Thank goodness, it IS OK! How I love your idea of separate waiting rooms. Maybe we can narrow it down even further to old people and not-old people. I’m pretty sure if I’d dropped my laptop on a teenager, this never would’ve happened.

    Patty: Heh. I was hoping for one of those magic bone-straightening pills. Instead I’ve got LOTS of painkilling pills, which is the next-best thing. I guess. And if I need more, now I know what to do: “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

  31. 31 moooooog35

    There’s a Reese’s commercial in here somewhere.

    “You got your laptop on my big toe!”

    “You got your big toe on my laptop!”

    *nomnomnomnom

    “Two great tastes that taste great together!”

    You need to call marketing.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Boys, Girls, Peninsulas and Aliens =-.

  32. 32 Buggys

    Have you heard from the ancient one’s legal team yet? Beware of strangers ringing the doorbell. Might be a subpoena in his pocket! Just saying.
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Gift Shopping Help Is Here! =-.

  33. 33 Jeff

    Oh my gosh… that smashed foot thing is too funny for words!

    Hey, maybe that was the problem with the old lady… having your laptop smash her foot was too funny for words, so all she could come up with was “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

    I’m SURE that’s it.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..Missing Pine Found in St. Cloud =-.

  34. 34 Ron

    Oh dear god…you truly make me laugh, JD.

    I’m reading this; imaging the perfect I Love Lucy episode!!!

    *can I be Ethel?

    So glad to hear about your MRI results, but even more glad to hear about your lap top! OMG…what would us bloggers do without our computers???

    The HORROR of it all!

    OW! OW! OW! OW!
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Catching Snowflakes On My Tongue =-.

  35. 35 Will

    What a day! I actually had the same thing happen as Kathcom on a subway, but stepping, (softly) on a woman’s toe who was sitting beside where I was standing. She started carrying on like a truck had run over it. The very little, very old, lady sitting beside her said in a loud voice, something like “oh stop your fussing, we can all see you are a faker”. That caused everyone to chuckle and shut her up. Then she actually got up and moved to another car.
    .-= Will´s last blog ..Which is Better, Fresh or Frozen Fish? =-.

  36. 36 Your Daily Cute

    I’m pretty sure these things only happen to you. Thank goodness for that old lady though!

    Sorry that you have to have another one though… I’m sure it’ll make for another great post. Please leave your laptop at home this time — I’m assuming there will be self-medicating involved and we don’t want the laptop to suffer. ;)
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..The Funeral of Lucky the Fish =-.

  37. 37 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    You know what? Shit happens. In the old days, you’d apologize and feel guilty. These days you apologize, feel guilty and then get your ass SUED! But…if you DO get sued, one good thing will come out of it. You won’t feel guilty any more.
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Goat Thing of the Day: Performance Art =-.

  38. 38 JD

    moooooo35: Do you happen to have marketing’s number? ‘Cuz this is brilliant. I hope the old lady settles for a portion of the ad revenues.

    Buggys: The doorbell DID ring today, and I hid in the bathroom. I swear: it rang like 7 times. I was terrified. When I finall ventured out, there was no one. No package, nothing. I know it was her.

    Jeff: Ye-e-e-e-ah . . . she was laughing . . . THAT’S it. OK, now I’m mad, because my freaking caps lock key came off! What’s so funny about THAT, old lady?!

    Ron: YES! I’d be thrilled if you’d be Ethel! Except Ethel was so frumpy, and you are the opposite of frumpy. Maybe you can be Will to my Karen (from Will and Grace? We’ll talk.

    Will: Geez, where was that old lady when I needed her? See, that’s what I was waiting for — someone to pipe up and say, Oh, it’s not that bad. But no one did. I love that old lady from the subway story. She’s my hero.

    Your Daily Cute: No! They happen to everyone! I’m the only one stupid enough to write about them! No, if I need another MRI, I’m leaving Lappy at home. As, er, “relaxed” as I was last time, I don’t want to accidentally forget it in the waiting room.

    Margaret: I think I can live with the guilt. Really. Let’s try it and see. Ah, yes. Guilt isn’t really so bad. And now I can afford Christmas prezzies!

  39. 39 Bingo

    I´m glad your results were fine. WOW! That was a really terrible situation, I don’t know what I’d do.

    I’m glad your laptop is ok and I hope the granny will be fine.
    .-= Bingo´s last blog ..Bingo Jackpot causes brawl between sisters =-.

  40. 40 Anne

    I am sorry you had that experience with the little old lady. The doctor should know better than having little old ladies sticking their feet out under people’s laptops.

    I am happy but sad that your MRI results showed nothing. I would have been hoping for something dramatic that was easily and inexpensively fixed.
    .-= Anne´s last blog ..How to Spend a Snow Day =-.

  41. 41 georgie

    yikes waiting room,small children AND Christmas carols sounds like a nightmare I had last night….
    I was just without my computer for over a week IT WAS HELL!!!

  42. 42 Maureen

    Ahahahaha! OMG I snorted out loud (is that a SOL?) at the doctor’s “is your computer okay???” comment!!! Har!

    And over-dramatized, yes the old lady was (gee I sound like Yoda).

    Glad to hear your MRI was okay. Next time bring a Blackberry. They don’t hurt as much when they hit your foot.
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..The Nightmare Before Christmas =-.

  43. 43 Pricilla

    Maybe ow,ow,ow,ow was her language’s version of “you stupid girl HOW could you drop a laptop on my foot and just stand there like that!? I am going to sue you for everything you own and your cats too”

    You never know…

    I am glad your results were not bad although it seems you will still have your pain which just plain sucks.
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..AbbyDay: I Can’t Believe It! =-.

  44. 44 moooooog35

    Hey JD,

    FYI – your question has been answered today on “Mental Poo.”

    You’re welcome.

    I mean, ‘thank you.’
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Q&A – Part Menage-a-Trois =-.

  45. 45 dcr

    Was it a monotone “Ow” or were there changes in inflection and emphasis on the varying “Ows”? It could be that she was saying something in her native tongue that sounded to you like “Ow” but was actually several coherent thoughts with changes in inflection and emphasis affecting the meanings of the words.

    So, instead of saying “Ow ow ow ow! Ow! Ow!”, she might have been saying “I kicked your laptop. Ha! Ha!” And, instead of “Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. Ow! Ow! Ow!”, she was saying, “Look! There’s your CAPS lock key on the floor. Ha! Ha! Ha!”
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Martian Mushrooms =-.

  46. 46 V

    i’m just glad that lady’s foot was there to help break the fall of your laptop. seriously, she can grow another foot or a chipped toe nail, but laptops aren’t that easy to replace. i guess you could send her a thank you gift in the form of a pedicure.

    how come an MRI doesn’t just get a picture of your entire body, the airport x-rays do, don’t they? don’t cost 400$ either and you get felt up or down. your preference.

    be well.

  47. 47 Chris@TheSnackHound

    I think I need some band-aids just to read this blog. Things seem just a little bit hazardous around here. Perhaps a hard hat with a light on it would be much more in order. I’ll be careful where I step…and sit.
    .-= Chris@TheSnackHound´s last blog ..The Mail Bag: Doxie Salt and Pepper =-.

  48. 48 Kathy

    What is the protocol anyway? Maybe you owed her an “I’m sorry” for every “Ow” she uttered. Did you say you’re sorry only 841 times, or 903 times? There’s a difference.

    Regan’s idea for separate waiting rooms is brilliant.

  49. 49 mrsblogalot

    OW OW OW my stomach hurts from laughing…tell your laptop we love him and we are so glad he is going to be alright.

    And tell that lady to kiss your Shift key! Whiner.
    .-= mrsblogalot´s last blog ..The Convenient Jew =-.

  50. 50 JD

    Bingo: NO ONE knows what they’d do . . . until it happens.

    Anne: I, too, was hoping for some rare but easily resolved disease. In lieu of that, I’m glad there’s nothing wrong. Ideally, there would be separate waiting rooms: one for coughing people, little kids, and old ladies, and one for me and my laptop.

    georgie: It really was a living nightmare! I’ve gone on vacation without my laptop, so I know I can live without it. But the payoff is that I’m lying on a beach in Jamaica. There would’ve been no payoff if this old lady’s foot had broken my computer.

    Maureen: Congratulations! I think you’ve just invented “SOL”! Yet another reason for me to desire a BlackBerry. Sigh. Thanks a lot, Yoda

    Pricilla: That’s what kills me: I’ll never know. Unless she does sue me, and then I can confront her in the courtroom. I’m glad the MRI didn’t show anything bad. But yeah. That’s also kind of a bummer, that there’s no explanation. Until I get the hip MRI. That one will probably show nothing wrong either!

    moooooo35: I’m on my way . . . reluctantly.

    dcr: Monotone. But I like your interpretation. It makes me feel better, knowing she was laughing at me instead of cursing me.

    V: HAHAHA! A pedicure gift certificate would be hilarious. Or, do they make gift cards for growing a new foot? Next MRI I’m going to demand to be felt up (not down). It’s the least they can do.

    Chris@TheSnackHound: Yes, please be careful. I’m already swimming in lawsuits. But if you do injure yourself, I know a good doctor . . .

    Kathy: I’m pretty sure I DID give her an “I’m sorry” for every “Ow.” At least it felt that way. I love Regan’s idea too. I’d happily pay a small fee for my own private waiting room (with free wi-fi.)

    mrsblogalot: My laptop is a “she,” but thank you so much for your show of affection. She appreciates it.

  51. 51 David

    See, this is why people should have Netbooks. You couldn’t possibly injure someone with one of those tiny things. *nodding sagely*

    I’m really disappointed that you don’t have a half-formed twin or some alien pod. Oh well. Better luck next time.
    .-= David´s last blog ..O Cat =-.

  52. 52 meleah rebeccah

    HA! I like the way YOUR DOCTOR thinks!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Devastation Nation =-.

  53. 53 Wendi

    Love it.
    You know, grocery stores can be awfully slippery this time of year.

  54. 54 JD

    David: I was disappointed too. But, yes, there is a bright side. The hip MRI. Who knows what’s lurking in THERE? I appreciate the sage nod. I wish you’d been there in the waiting room with me. A sage nod might’ve gone a long way toward shutting up that old lady.

    meleah rebeccah: I know, right?! I was kind of expecting to get yelled at. But he be cool.

    Wendi: Heeeeey . . . I like the way YOU think, too! *puts on high heels and heads out the door*

  55. 55 CatLadyLarew

    What’s she bitching about? Skin grows back… computer keys don’t.
    .-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..I’m in Heaven! =-.

  56. 56 JD

    CatLadyLarew: Good point! Why, oh, why don’t I think of these snappy comebacks at the time?

  57. 57 Grandma

    I knew if I searched for you long enough, I would be able to let you know that I had a piece of your computer lodged in my toe…… For a mere $400 you can have it back. BTW, I asked the schedulers if I could always schedule my MRI appointments the same time as yours……

  58. 58 JD

    Grandma: Crap. I knew you’d find me. Look, old lady, I’m not shelling out $400 for whatever piece of my computer has taken residence in your toe. It can’t be very important. And I am NEVER getting another MRI again in my life — at least, not in this country.


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