I Got My Ears Flushed Out

You ain’t afraid to stick it in


Well, yesterday was the big event.

There were no potatoes. No blood, no screaming, no name-calling. Just a lot of watery wax. I’m sorry. Are you eating breakfast right now?

Yesterday I got my ears flushed out after a delicious four-day eardrop regime that left me weak and trembling from a series of nonstop eargasms. Read about it here.

(Dave, while reading the previous post: “Ewwww! There was waxy, yellow goo on your pillow?” followed by: “I didn’t realize you were enjoying this so much.”)

I can’t take credit for coming up with the brilliant “eargasm.” Several commenters used the term AND it’s on Urban Dictionary with about 40 entries, including:

  • A purging of tension in the middle ear canal that feels extraordinarily acute, a bit itchy, and orgasmically pleasurable.

Putting on my headphones, my middle ear canals adjusted pressure to receive the sounds, giving me an eargasmic sensation as the canals fluttered with sharp pleasure.

  • The ecstatic sensation one experiences while cleaning one’s ears deeply with a Q-tip.

A: “You really seem to enjoy cleaning your ears.”

B: “Shhhh! I’m having an eargasm.”

  • The uncontrollable pleasure that causes your body to convulse with amazing feelings of nirvana upon hearing a kicking song.

“Allen, I think I just had an eargasm.”

“You sure did, Howard.”

But getting your ears flushed out is not eargasmic. My previous procedures were painful and terrifying, so I was pretty nervous as I sat in the waiting room. I clutched my lucky globe. I texted a friend, even tho I know she doesn’t check her phone. It just made me feel better to send the message “im scared” out into the universe. There was a three-foot skeleton in the exam room that I found strangely comforting. I felt like the skeleton was saying, “Hey. I’m a three-foot skeleton. You think you’ve got problems?” I also texted a picture of the skeleton.

After my doctor checked my ears to make sure the drops had done their job, she produced the flusher instrument, which looks like a large Water-Pik/torture device.

Have you ever buried a power drill deep into your ear and turned it on high? That’s kind of what an ear-flushing feels like, only with a jet of water forcefully sprayed into your brain. I could stand it for about 2 seconds before I started scooting away, causing water to gush all over my hair, clothes, the doctor, and possibly the skeleton.

But my doctor was great. She let me stop about 100 times to collect myself. The procedure was really not painful, but there’s a feeling of pressure and . . . HORRIBLENESS . . . that is very hard to just sit still and take. Luckily, even with my 100 breaks, the whole thing took about 3 minutes.

I couldn’t videotape my own flushing-out procedure, so I checked out YouTube. Searching on “ear flushing” brought up videos titled “Hatred Propagated among Chinese in New York City,” “Hotel Toilet Is Scary,” and a series of Nancy Drew episodes. I did find a video showing a disturbingly close-up view of wax being removed from someone’s hairy ear with a long metal instrument . . .

. . . but I think I’ve put you through enough for one week.


Click here for relief of inner ear pressure and itching.

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46 Responses to “I Got My Ears Flushed Out”

  1. 1 Brooke

    At least you didn’t embarass yourself by screaming or hurting anyone.

  2. 2 Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    Thanks so much. Can you do an enema for me as well?

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..Meg’s Top Ten Bloggy Crushes

  3. 3 chat blanc

    I’m having sympathy ear pains for you right now! :)

    chat blanc’s last blog post..Car smartz

  4. 4 Natural

    I ate breakfast already, but after reading some of this, you can have some of it back. Urp. I never had my ears flushed, I hardly even clean my ears, I just wait for the gunk to expelle on its own. My right ear is susceptible to eargasms, so I keep peeps at an arms length, even doctors.

    That’s funny, the skeleton. It’s like you’re all sad because you have no shoes and then you meet a man that has no feet. That sucka has no ears. Lol.

    Glad your ears are clean, can you hear me now? Running off to do 100 hail mary’s for leaving this comment. see ya, JD.

    Natural’s last blog post..You Know It’s Time To Give Up Blogging When….

  5. 5 absepa

    I’m glad the flushing was not as terrible as you feared. It’s weird that so many people have clogged ears–I would never have known about that if you hadn’t written these posts. My ears have never been clogged, as far as I know. And if they do get clogged, they’re just going to have to stay that way, ’cause I ain’t putting any drops in there.

    absepa’s last blog post..I’m a Secretary, Captain, Not a Search Engine!

  6. 6 Stephanie Barr

    I’m so glad it went better than previous flushings. I’ve only had my flushed once and it wasn’t fun, but hardly traumatic. Still, I’m relieved I no longer have to do it. Thanks for taking care of that for me. :)

    Did you doctor offer to let you have more eardrops to treat you for being a big girl?

    And, sorry for being morbid, but why was the skeleton 3 feet tall? Was it a child’s skeleton or a replica at 1/2 scale? Or was it missing somethink like a head or legs?

    (OK, I’ll tell the Silver Snoopy story (tomorrow) but it’s hardly exciting. I think you like to monopolize my Thursday thievery. You do bring out the coolest comments from me.)

  7. 7 The Incredible Woody

    I’ve had my ears flushed once, and only once. It made me dizzy!

    The Incredible Woody’s last blog post..The Year in Pictures, Continued…Again

  8. 8 Maggie

    Ugh! Poor thing getting your ears flushed! ..and woe is me, I read both this post and the precursor while eating my breakfast of melty peanut butter on an english muffin. I need to remember not to click even if your entry shows up on my reader until after I finish breakfast!

    Maggie’s last blog post..Hair Accessories Finally Available!

  9. 9 sturdygirl

    Thank you so much for doing this for me. I don’t think I’d enjoy this much. It reminds me of uteral biopsy. Not that it’s anything like it, but the whole it didn’t hurt but a pressure and well, just the “wrongness” of it.

    If I ever need another one of those, I’ll be sure to check with you first to see if you have time to do it for me.

    Thanks again!

    sturdygirl’s last blog post..Oh, You Flatter Me.

  10. 10 April

    Glad to hear it wasn’t as painful as previous flushings.

    Wanna know something strange? I am, apparently, so susceptible to earaches that your previous post actually caused an earache. Seriously. My ears did not hurt at all and then suddenly I had an earache the rest of the day until I could get home to use my wonderful ear drops.

  11. 11 Daisy the Curly Cat

    Sometimes when the cats at the shelter have really waxy ears, they actually have ear mites. Under the microscope, they look like tiny little bugs. So it could be worse. You could have wax AND bugs in your ears.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Harley is Confused

  12. 12 Tiggy

    I’m so glad I read this blog during lunch.

    And would you know it, I’ve just booked a two-week getaway to Hotel Toilet… dammit!

    Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Space Suits

  13. 13 Christian Neuigkeit

    Well I have to say that was a lovely post.. NOT.. ew! Funny though.. I don´t let anyone touch my ears, they´re too sensitive.. and when I was a lot younger, my dad always told me that I could really hurt my ear if I put a cotton bud too far into it – I´ve been scared ever since! I remember when my brother had his ears syringed.. not nice.. luckily I´ve never had mine done! :-) At least you coped with the experience and if you had to do it again, you could!

    Christian Neuigkeit’s last blog post..Redacted erscheint auf DVD und Blu-ray: Beklemmendes Kriegsdrama über das Massaker von Mahmudiyya

  14. 14 Kathy

    Can you talk about puppies and sunshine next time? I get hurty eyes when I come here and read about yellow goo and scary pain. If you can possibly post shorty skeleton man somewhere (here, Facebook, Twitter?), let us know. We want to see the man who got you through.

    Also, whenever you can’t get video of a medical procedure, it’s still incumbent upon you to share something. Do your new readers know about the needle in your throat thing? Classic.

    Kathy’s last blog post..Gynecology and Banking Do Not Mix

  15. 15 Regan

    You didn’t put a picture of the skeleton on here? I don’t know about everyone else, but I was rather interested in seeing this 3 ft skeleton.

    I never got my ears flushed, and from this rather detailed description never ever want to. I’ll keep my ears in good shape by myself thankyouverymuch.

    I’m not sure if I ever want to have an eargasm either. I would love to have a flavorgasm, which, according to Urban Dictionary is:

    when eating food so good that you let out an involuntary moan, usually the first bite; also as an adjective – flavorgasmic

    I ate this unbelievable steak yesterday. I swear when I ate the first bite I had a total flavorgasm

  16. 16 Father Muskrat

    this reminds me of when i was in that phase in which i shoved inappropriate objects in my ears, like dildos, cadaver fingers, and liquid paper.

    Father Muskrat’s last blog post..wordless wednesday: major maddie’s war face

  17. 17 Lola

    Ewww. My son’s ears are the grossest. We used to say he was growing carrots and that he had stalagtites and stalagmites in there. Nasty stuff. He still does and he refuses to take care of it himself. Arggghhhhhh.

    OT, you’ve been tagged. Stop by my blog for the details.

    Lola’s last blog post..Men Charged in CA Gang Rape/How to help the victim

  18. 18 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    I’ve been waiting 20 years for someone to get their ears flushed so I didn’t have to. It’s about time!

    and thanks.

    except now I want to do it, so I can have the eargasms.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..And Boy, Are My Arms Tired. No, really.

  19. 19 Jenn Thorson

    Well, glad to have you… hear… again.

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Tips for Looking Cool While on Dial-up in 2009

  20. 20 Puglette

    do you feel better? can you hear better? did your hubby recover from his gross out? is he jealous of the eardrops? can i ask anymore questions?

    you betcha! i seem to be having an inquisitive turn today…

    Puglette’s last blog post..Faster than a Speeding Pug!

  21. 21 HappyCampers

    I am a picker of the finest calibur. I cannot stand things in my children’s noses or ears. I pick and pick. I lurve picking any blackheads Hubbs may have on occasion. I’m off to YouTube now to find that video of the earwax removal!!

    HappyCampers’s last blog post..Hard At Work

  22. 22 Noelle

    I wonder what it is about flushing that breaks the eargasm / horrible pain border.

    And it reminds me the story of the time a friend’s aunt had “a chickpea” fall our of her ear at a restaurant. Either way, icks all around.

    Noelle’s last blog post..Internet, I need you

  23. 23 Jeff

    100 breaks in 3 minutes equates to one break every 1.8 seconds. That’s slightly more than I take at work.

    BTW… sorry you didn’t get any erasers out of the deal.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Speaking of…

  24. 24 JD

    Brooke: Good point! And in the end, that’s all that really matters.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life: You’re very welcome. And, sure! If I can survive an ear enema, I’m sure a butt enema is a piece of cake.

    Natural: Hee! I didn’t even think of it like that, but, yeah. That poor earless skeleton. I’m sorry you lost some of your breakfast but that’s gonna happen from time to time. I think most people’s gunk does expel on its own, but some of us need an intervention.

    absepa: You’re one of the lucky ones. Many people live their whole lives with no need for ear help. However, I feel bad that you’ve never had an eargasm. THAT is something EVERYone should experience.

    Stephanie Barr: I’m relieved it’s done. I actually thought my doctor was going to offer me a lollipop; she kept saying, “You’re doing very, very good!” It was a replica skeleton, not a child skeleton. I don’t think I would’ve found a child skeleton very comforting. SILVER SNOOPY!

    The Incredible Woody: Yeah, that can happen to some people. I didn’t have reaction, luckily. I worry about dizziness, because doesn’t that mean your inner ear has been somehow affected? I dunno.

    Maggie: EWWwww! Melty peanut butter! I mean, normally, YUM! Melty peanut butter! But I can see how that particular food might not be so appetizing while one is reading a post about earwax.

    sturdygirl: You’re welcome! And you’re right: the whole sensation is just “wrong.” Very, very wrong. I don’t know who came up with this whole ear flushing idea, but even tho it’s effective, it just ain’t right.

    April: Oh, no! I’m sorry I caused you to have an earache. I’m very suggestible myself, and have contracted many exotic illnesses after simply reading about them. I hope the eardrops helped!

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Phew! I hadn’t thought of that. I think if tiny bugs came out of my ears yesterday during the flushing, I would have fainted and then thrown up. Those poor shelter cats!

    Tiggy: HAW! Can you get your money back? After what I saw on YouTube, I don’t think you’re going to get a very restful night’s sleep.

    Kathy: Oh, yes. New readers! I had a needle stuck in my throat! I’m sorry your eyes hurt, Kathy. Next post will be heavier on the niceness and lighter on the painful goo. I wish I could upload the tiny skeleton from my phone, but I can’t. However, next time I’ll bring my camera.

    Regan: I’m sorry to tempt you with the skeleton. I’ll try to get a picture the next time I see my doctor. I’m sure she won’t think it strange at all. Flavorgasm! Now that’s something I can relate to. I plan to have one later today when I sink my teeth into a delicious Hostess cupcake. Thanks for the new word!

    Father Muskrat: How did you have access to cadaver fingers? Maybe I don’t want to know. If I had a dildo, I’m sure it would be way too big to shove into my ear. If I had one.

    Lola: Ewwww! When will people learn! There are consequences!!! Gross. Carrots and stalagtites? That’s far worse than potatoes. Oh, and thanks! I’m on my way . . .

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): Yay! I’m glad I could do this for you. But! Warning! You probably will NOT have an eargasm during the flushing out—only during the preliminary eardrop phase. Very important.

    Jenn Thorson: HAR! Thank you.

    Puglette: I love questions! I do feel better. And I can definitely hear better. I don’t need to have my iPod on full volume, which is good. Dave gave my pillow a pretty close inspection before he went to bed (I had changed the pillowcase, so it was fine). I don’t think he’s jealous . . . I think he just doesn’t understand. Any more questions?

    Christian Neuigkeit: YES! Excellent point. If I ever need this done again, I won’t be afraid. I’ve heard that you can really damage your ears with Q-tips or other foreign objects that don’t belong in there. I think I must have sensitive ears too. Why else would this be such an issue?

    chat blanc: Oh, that’s sweet. But I’m fine! Why not have some sympathy hunger pangs instead? ‘Cuz I am hungry enough to eat several large steaks.

    HappyCampers: OH GROSS! Well, let me know how you like it. I’ll pick my own . . . stuff, but I don’t want to touch anyone else’s. I love to peel off dead skin when I’m sunburned. That sounded pretty unhealthy.

    Noelle: NO! A chickpea? Was it really? Or is “chickpea” a euphemism for “gross chunk of earwax”? Either way, I agree: icks all around.

    Jeff: I was a little disappointed when my doctor showed me the results. I wanted erasers.

  25. 25 absepa

    I can’t get on board with the whole ear thing, but I think I am familiar with Regan’s “flavorgasm.” It happened when I tried Ben & Jerry’s Fudge Brownie ice cream for the first time last week. I took one bite and exclaimed, “Oh, good Lord!” It was a tiny single-serving tub of B & J, and I wanted it to last forever. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

    absepa’s last blog post..I’m a Secretary, Captain, Not a Search Engine!

  26. 26 Steve | Kindledude

    Next post: I look at a lovely Impressionist painting so you don’t have to.

    Steve | Kindledude’s last blog post..Tough and Touching: Miles from Nowhere by Nami Mun

  27. 27 Lin

    Did it make the same sound as a toilet flushing, ‘cuz my cat comes running when he hears that sound. He likes to watch the paper go round and round. Maybe next time he can go with you and maybe it would relax you to have a friend with or something.

    Lin’s last blog post..Cocktail Hour at Duck and Wheel!

  28. 28 Jen

    Please don’t describe your PAP smear…ok?

    Jen’s last blog post..Installation

  29. 29 Trade Show Booths Guru

    hey JD,
    At least you’re not writing about your childhood experience of cleaning up another kid’s vomit! :)
    Anyway, I’m glad to hear you survived the ear cleaning…
    What’s that?

    ~ Steve, aka the still-trying-to-get-this-ear-humor-thing trade show guru

    Trade Show Booths Guru’s last blog post..Trade Show Booths and Duct Tape

  30. 30 Jen - Queen of Poo

    Blech. I think I need my ears flushed out. Ever looked into candling?

    Jen – Queen of Poo’s last blog post..Barbie, Save Yourself!

  31. 31 Tricia

    LOL well … my husband is going to go to a walk in clinic and try to get his ears flushed out tomorrow morning. He’s always had a lot of trouble with ear wax and goes near deaf at least once a year.

    His ears don’t get so bad (and it’s easier to flush the wax out) if he uses a drop of mineral oil in his ears daily or at least a few times a week, but he only seems to do that once his ears are already plugged up.

    the past month has been bad around here. He can barely hear me talk and man … the TV has been Soooo loud! LOL

    We both work in a hospital (I’m an ER nurse on medical leave) so last week I got him to bring home a 20 cc syringe so i could try flushing out his ears. I’ve done it before and it worked, but this time the wax isn’t budging and well … a 20 cc syringe, while fairly big, is still no where near as big as those ear flushers they have at the hospital or doctors office.

    What kind of drops were you using? they sound kind of fun! LOL My husband tried drops just once – once … I think it was something like Citrix. It literally burned his skin so he won’t try that again.

    So how is your hearing now? Much better I presume? I have to tiptoe around my husband for the first few hours after he gets his ears cleaned out as his hearing is super acute right after all that wax comes out.

  32. 32 JD

    absepa: I think someone needs to make a trip to the local supermarket for some Ben &amp Jerry’s Flavorgasm Ice Cream. I have a flavorgasm almost every day. Food is just THAT important to me.

    Steve | Kindledude: It’s nice, isn’t it? I thought it would balance the grossness of the post. I think the title is “Van Gogh after a Botched Ear Flushing” but I could be wrong.

    Lin: Aw! I would love for your cat to accompany me! I don’t think the sound can be compared to a toilet flushing, tho. More like the above-mentioned power drill, which might upset your cat. Which I wouldn’t want.

    Jen: WHY NOT? If it means I get one so you don’t have to, isn’t it worth it??? ;)

    Trade Shoe Booths Guru: No! Ha ha ha. Thank god. And I hope I never find occasion to write about my adult experience of clenaing up another person’s vomit. Oh, I heard you the first time!

    Jen – Queen of Poo: No . . . it kind of sounds interesting, tho. I’m just not sure that it works.

    Tricia: Thanks for sharing your story! I hope your husband is successful. I know my husband was sick of having to repeat himself 7,000 times. I do hear much better. My drops were called Debrox. I don’t know what magical ingredient they contain, but I LOVE them! Let us know how it goes with your husband!

  33. 33 Steve | Kindledude

    Well, that actually makes more sense than the supposedly true fact that he cut his ear off over some hooker.

    Steve | Kindledude’s last blog post..Upcoming, New, and Almost Free

  34. 34 Babs - beetle

    Why am I always so late commenting?!

    I would NOT like that at all! I would suggest a daily routine of Q-tips down the ear to make up for it.

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Are we mad?

  35. 35 mlm

    Oh, ears. I have had problems with mine all of my life. When I was little, I was actually diagnosed with abnormally narrow ear canals. They had to mummify me in a sheet to flush my ears out. I do remember, though, that the drops they USED to give out were supposed to be warmed up first. Talk about an eargasm! Can you imagine WARM drops sliding down to reach that throbbing pain in your ear? Ahhhhhh! My son, who is 4, HATES to have me clean his ears, but he really does have carrots, etc. in his ears. I swear, the stuff that comes out of them is BRIGHT ORANGE! I have candled my ears, and I have seen TV shows that say they don’t work, but when I unwrapped the candles when I was through, there was gunk in there. Also, the crackling noise in your ear while doing it is very satisfying.

  36. 36 Jinksy

    Apparently, I’m okay with eargasm thing (I’ve made some interesting faces whiel digging around with a Q-Tip myself).

    However, if you start coining the phrase, nosegasms, then we have a problem.

  37. 37 Elaine

    Yikes! Ear candles are starting to sound pretty good after reading your post!

  38. 38 JD

    Steve | Kindledude: I thought so, too. That hooker story—CRAY-ZEE!

    Babs – beetle: Oh, you’re just all busy now with your Wii! Too busy to read my blog! I wish my waxy buildup could be solved with the Q-tip ritual, but mine is wa-a-a-ay in there. It requires special tools. But I’ll never give up my eardrops.

    mlm: Wow. I love your ear stories! I’m really intrigued by candling. AND by warm eardrops. OMG. I think I’ll suggest the mummy wrap procedure to my doctor the next time I need my ears flushed. That sounds very effective.

    Jinksy: I don’t have any experience with nosegasms—but I’m willing to learn. Can you share your stories? With pictures?

    Elaine: I know, right! Let’s start an ear candling club!

  39. 39 Jackie

    In Iraq I thought I was flushing a giant glob of black ear wax out of some dirty soldier’s ear… but when it fell out, much to my surprise, it turned out to be a rather large ant trapped in earwax.

  40. 40 JD

    Jackie: Did you save it and keep it as a pet? After freeing it from its earwax trap, I mean.

  41. 41 gurukiller

    I laughed so hard that *** came out of my *** … but probably because waaay back when I was in college, I was having trouble hearing, and had to endure the same torture of having my ears flushed out by the campus nurse … and boy, did it feel ….. oooogy!

    But much better when I could hear again …. and my tuition was a lot better spent when I could actually HEAR the lecture ….. glad you survived …. now about the SHARING ….ummmm …. **snicker**

  42. 42 JD

    gurukiller: “Ooooogy” is a perfect description! I hope I never have to have it done again. But you’re right: Everything is audible again. Crystal clear. I can even hear my cat’s whiskers twitch!

  43. 43 Claire

    I have to get my ears flushed out tomorrow… I’m a bit worried now lol.

    Oh well, hopefully it goes well, I’m sick of this blocked feeling, it hurts =/

  44. 44 JD

    Claire: Good luck! Most people who have this done say it doesn’t bother them in the least. I think I just have extra-sensitive ears. Regardless, it’s very fast, and you will DEFINITELY feel better afterward.

  45. 45 Sherry

    oh my gosh! i had my ears flushed out today, it was the worst doctor visit ever! i cried…..first they did my right ear with warm water, not so bad, then left ear, omg….got dizzy! trying to keep my eyes open so they can get a good reading on my pupils….i felt so sick…..after that, we waited like 7 mn. then did the cold water in my left ear….dizzy again…….then finally right ear again…..and dizzy again…..Thank God for giving me the strength to survive that! God willing, I never have to go thru that ever again. after i thought i was feeling better, i sat up and sure enough, i vomitted.
    felt like the vertigo coming on all over again…btw, that was the reason for getting my ears flushed, it was part of the testing for checking my balance……horrible experience.

  46. 46 JD

    Sherry: OHMYGOD! You poor thing! Your experience was a thousand times worse than mine. How awful. I know some people feel dizzy and nauseous when they go in just for an ear cleaning. I guess I’ve been lucky to only have it feel unbearably uncomfortable. Yuck. So how are you now? Did the test at least help determine anything?


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