I Got a New Camera

I got a new camera!

What kind is it? Geez, I dunno. But it’s wee and shiny and fuchsia and comes loaded with lots of cool features that someday I might master if I can set aside a few weeks to read the directions and also get an eyeball transplant because those directions are impossible to read.

My First Picture!


Yes, I took a picture of the directions. It was totally an accident, but don’t you agree that true art is usually accidental? DON’T YOU?


Look, it’s Dave!


Dave is trying to drive in peace while I manically take pictures of everything in sight. As usual, he is inscrutable, but he might be expressing the slightest annoyance. What do you think?


My Mom!


Here she is, welcoming us into her home on the Fourth of July. Isn’t she pretty? Oh, you’d BETTER not be calling my mom blurry.


It’s Dave Again!


I haven’t quite mastered the “night” setting. See him? He’s right next to that tree. I think he’s smiling and waving. Or not.


Pretty Fireworks!


Well, you’ll just have to take my word for this one. Later I found out there actually is a “fireworks” setting. Crazy!


The next day, I kind of figured out how to work this damn camera.o

Weird Dead Sunflowers


Aren’t these cool? Prettier dead than alive, I always say.


The Fetus!


Yeah, the fetus is still on my driveway. It’s a little crumbly and its vestigial tail fell off, but it is otherwise intact. For what purpose, I do not know.


But it was weird, y’all. After the fetus picture, I started noticing things showing up in my photos that I SWEAR weren’t there when I took the picture. You may need to clickify to biggify to see these things of which I speak.

Free Apples!






Still Life of Scarred Foot with Cat(s?)






Mr. Gustopher!



A Study in Background and Foreground


Weird. Can you figure out which things in these last 6 photos don’t belong? I must have accidentally clicked on the setting for “Gimmicky and Pointless Photo Elements.”

And of course my new camera has a video function. Prepare yourselves for a short film I like to call “My Feet! They Move!” This film features a surprise appearance by two well-known actors AND a shocking ending.


My Feet! They Move!


(It’s dramatic because it’s SILENT!)

Well, I hope you enjoyed my “Wordless Wednesday” post. Yes, it had some words, but they were mostly stupid.

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49 Responses to “I Got a New Camera”

  1. 1 babs - beetle

    Oh they are beautiful photographs! I especially like the ‘moody’ one of Dave in the shadow of the tree. Well the tree is in shadow too but you really captured the black mood. And the photo of your mum. What filter were you using to get that lovely, misty look? I’ve only managed to get that effect on rare occasions – Well done!

    babs – beetle’s last blog post..Such a cute birdie!

  2. 2 Grace

    Having fun, are you? Well we have learned that you are clever and can put odd stuff on your photos (how did you do that BTW?) But I think you scared the cats…New cameras are such cool toys, aren’t they?

    Grace’s last blog post..Don’t make me get up…

  3. 3 Jenn Thorson

    I think Kodak (or the maker of the Camera Which Cannot Be Named) has created a monster. :)

    And funny, but Dave looks more leafy in that one shot than I ever thought of him…

  4. 4 Barb - WillThink4Wine

    Loved the movie of actual moving feet! But technically, it wasn’t silent because I thought I heard birds singing. Hard to tell though, as eleventy billion nails are being shot into my roof by hydraulic nail guns at the moment. My cats are totally freaking out.

    Barb – WillThink4Wine’s last blog post..whitey can haz friend?

  5. 5 Bingo

    They are real artistic pictures, my favorite is the “Weird Dead Sunflowers”. Keep taking pictures, I’d like to see more ;)

    Bingo’s last blog post..Bingo.com is giving you £5.00 Free!

  6. 6 Daisy the Curly Cat

    New cameras are fun! And I can tell that Prudence and Gus are natural models. Did you see the acting skills that Prudence demonstrated in the Moving Feet video? It was a look of pure amazement at the moving feet.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Reflecting

  7. 7 Leeuna

    Wow, how did the floating eyes get into that one photo? I love taking pics of my dogs but I can’t get them to be still and pose for the shots. I think cats like having their photo taken.

  8. 8 absepa

    Good work with the new camera! I can’t take a decent picture to save my life. The husband is an amateur photographer, and he’s always trying to teach about the inner workings of a camera, but I just can’t get my brain around it. I do hope to learn to use the video function on my new cell phone, so that I can make videos of my mutts.

    absepa’s last blog post..And now…the long-awaited product review!

  9. 9 Regan

    The fetus is still there! Oh, no! It’s even weirder now that it’s in two pieces. Maybe they were twins?

    Those things that showed up in the pictures are weird. Maybe it’s those chicken people messing with your head….

  10. 10 C.B.Jones

    What’s that weird light in the night picture, with Dave doing his best Where’s Waldo impression? It’s almost as blurry as your mother.

    OH SNAP!

    C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Open letter to that camel who spat on my now ex-girlfriend at the fair that one time.

  11. 11 Anne

    Congrats and good luck with the new camera. I think your photos are great and they have definitely improved as you figured out how the camera worked :).

  12. 12 Sue

    Thank God you got a new camera! Mine is broken and I need someone to take pictures for me.

    Sue’s last blog post..Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

  13. 13 Stephanie

    I’m glad you did this so I don’t have to. I already have far too fine a cameras to justify given my lack of photography skills. If I’d had to get a new camera, I would have felt even more foolish.

    Stephanie’s last blog post..For Aron: Cut the Leash?

  14. 14 JD

    babs – beetle: Oh, you’re too nice. Yes, actually now that you mention it, that one of Dave IS moody, isn’t it. Well done, indeed, JD. And that blurry effect on my mom’s picture? I’m afraid I can’t tell you how I did that—it’s far too technical.

    Grace: Yes, new cameras are fun, especially when they’re fuchsia. I use PaintShop Pro (similar to Photoshop but with a lot fewer features, less power, and about 1/100th of the price). The cats are used to all kinds of creatures and items being placed on their heads. In fact, I think they rather like it!

    Jenn Thorson: You’d be surprised how leafy Dave can look, but just at certain times of the day.

    Barb – WillThink4Wine: Oh, your poor cats! And your poor ears. Yes, there might’ve been some background noise (I was hoping you wouldn’t hear me breathing heavily—acting is hard work.)

    Bingo: Oh, if you insist. Yeah, I like the dead sunflowers. They were beautiful when they were alive, but I like ‘em dead. Eerie!

    Daisy the Curly Cat: She was amazed, wasn’t she? And we hardly even had to rehearse that scene. She’s going places. I can’t wait until I make my next film “These Cats! They Move!”

    Leeuna: I think cats are easier—more laid back. And in the case of mine, natural hams. As for the floating eyes . . . MYSTERIOUS!

    absepa: My attitude toward photography is much like my attitude toward gardening. I don’t have the patience to learn how to do it well, so I hope I just get lucky. And when I do (ie, when I take a great picture or actually grow a flower), I’m amazed and delighted.

    Regan: Oh, no, not those chicken people. Now I’m going to have nightmares tonight. You could be right about the fetus being twins. We may never know.

    C.B. Jones: I think it’s a . . . HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! Why, you, I oughtta. . .

    Anne: There’s some sign of improvement, for sure, tho it wouldn’t be hard, considering where I started out.

    Sue: I’ll do it! Just tell me where to point and click. Be warned: I might not be able to keep myself from adding spiders or eyeballs.

    Stephanie: This camera was actually an unexpected gift. I have a decent camera, nothing special. So now I guess we have two.

  15. 15 feefifoto

    Your Feet! They Move! A Lot! and Make Me Dizzy!!

    feefifoto’s last blog post..Who Knew It Could Be This Easy: The Fountain Of Youth

  16. 16 Pricilla

    I have been told that new cameras have things called instruction manuals. I have been told that you can do amazing things with new cameras if you read them. I have been told.

    The publicist’s “new” camera is a year and a half old and she still hands it to the male person when she needs it adjusted. She figures this is easier than reading the inch thick instruction manual. Especially the one in Spanish.

    Rumor has it her camera does video too but she hasn’t figured it out. I am sure there are instruciones somewhere.

    Enjoy your new toy..you dance looks somewhat like my famous goat dance of joy but of course, I have FOUR feet.

    Pricilla’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Fence, What Fence?

  17. 17 Maureen

    Awesome! Now you have the ability to VIDEO yourself puking at BlogHer!

    ;) J/K … I really, really don’t want to see that…

    Methinks you should have bought a camera with a larger viewfinder. Obviously you missed all those “extras” in your photos. Poor Pru!!!! Yikes at the spider!!!!

    Maureen’s last blog post..Thx, But I’m Not Thirsty Anymore

  18. 18 Tiggy

    A fireworks setting! How awesome is that? If only boffins could come up with a ‘shiny face’ filter and ‘bad hair adjustment’ setting, photos of me would be a lot better.

    Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Thought for the Day – In the Shit

  19. 19 Scrooge

    You tooked some good pictures.

    But where is the dogs? Dogs is good for pictures and I likes them.

    I doesn’t bark at dog pictures, only at real dogs.

    Scrooge’s last blog post..A Good Day

  20. 20 Natural

    jd, if your editing gig doesn’t work out, then you should become a photographer. pictures of documents? pictures of trees? i see documentaries in your future.

    and the video of your feet? well that was just brilliant. you can show it to the wimp with no shoes, who met a man with no feet and say oh yeah, well i don’t have an upper body! top that!

    Natural’s last blog post..I am conductor, hear me cook

  21. 21 Jeff

    You’re not much of a driveway cleaner-upper are you?

    LOVE the floating cat eyes in the last pic. Cool stuff!

    Jeff’s last blog post..Variant E

  22. 22 Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"

    New cameras these days are so complicated. Sounds like yours is a lot like mine–the same color even! I still haven’t tried taking video with mine yet. I must try that, your “My Feet! They Move” inspired me! That was funny, I liked it! I’m glad my camera doesn’t add goofy things. My co-worker just got one that does that too and it took quite awhile to figure out how to turn off that feature. I haven’t read through all my directions yet because it’s very similar to my old camera that I broke when I dropped it. Try not to do that!

    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”’s last blog post..A Sad Fourth Of July–Striper Was So Much Fun!

  23. 23 JD

    feefifoto: WOO! I see you’ve been greatly affected by my film. Maybe you should try watching it while drunk?

    Pricilla: I hope to someday see your goatly dance of joy—with all four feet! I do have instruciones (as well as grundlegende referenz, skrocona instruckcja obslugi, and alapveto informaciok), but I like to just experiment. My male person would not know what to do if I handed him the camera. I guess he’d just hand it back.

    Maureen: Pru is fearless! She ate a giant millipede last night, as we cheered her on. But you’re right about the viewfinder. I can’t have stray spiders sneaking into my shots. I promise: No video of a puking JD ANYwhere. If it happens, I’ll only post the audio.

    Tiggy: There is actually a “face detection” feature, which at first I thought was supposed to purposely blur someone’s face if you didn’t want them in the photo. Perfect for bloggers! But it’s actually to zero in on the face and make the details stand out. As for shininess, I don’t know.

    Scrooge: I’m sorry. I don’t have any dogs nearby, or I would’ve taken some pictures. I do agree: dogs are good for pictures, but maybe not so much for barking.

    Natural: Oooh, you’re always thinking. HA! I’d love to show that wimp with no shoes a thing or two. Now excuse me. I’m off to take a picture of my coffee cup.

    Jeff: HA! But guess what??? As of this morning, the fetus is GONE!!! It’s been there for months, thru all kinds of weather, cars driving over it, my poking at it with a stick. Gone. WHY? And no, I’m not much of a driveway cleaner-upper, actually.

    Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”: I’m happy (and not surprised) that my film inspired you. Yes! Try the video. It’s fun and easy. And if you upload it to YouTube now, you have the ability to add annotations. I’ll try not to drop this one. Dave has already told me: no more new cameras.

  24. 24 cardiogirl

    Regarding the foot movie: Major snaps on bypassing the bird hanger to get the close up of the cats. I thought you were going to bang your head, but you’re a professional.

    Well done!

    Now let’s try some Chuck Taylors on those feet next time, eh?

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..I’m having a bit more spam with my coffee each morning

  25. 25 Ungirdled Passion

    I love the one of Prudence – she looks like she’s smiling! Adorable!

    Ungirdled Passion’s last blog post..Jesus Loves Me. The DMV? Not So Much.

  26. 26 dcr

    That’s for getting a new camera so I don’t have to but I still think I sort of need a new camera.

    The feet video would have been more dramatic in black and white. Just saying. And I thought the cats were stuffed and unblinking until they finally moved.

    I have feet walking videos too. I thought I was the only one that did that. Maybe I should put them in black and white and upload them to YouTube. I have some that I made because I was recording the sound of feet walking across snow. I thought the audio would be useful for something, but now I see that perhaps I should have made it into a short film. “Snow Walking.” Maybe I can enter it in next year’s Sundance Film Festival. “Snow Walking.” Sounds dramatic. By the way, that’s my title and you can’t have it. Wait. You can’t copyright titles. Bummer. But, you still can’t have it. Oh, I know what you’re thinking… You’re thinking that just because I sometimes post titles like “I did this so you don’t have to” that that entitles you to steal one of my titles too, but you’d be wrong. Okay, maybe you’d be right, but that’s not right. It’s different. And complicated. Different and complicated. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

    dcr’s last blog post..As a Matter of Fact, No

  27. 27 TheSnackHound

    You may have a new camera so I don’t have to…but what if I WANT to?

    TheSnackHound’s last blog post..Fiesta Ware 75th Anniversary Baking Bowls

  28. 28 trade show displays guru

    hi JD,
    Great post! The pictures (and especially the captions) are much more entertaining than what I take. Maybe I need a new camera to inspire me to. I hope you’ll do another post like this. ~ Steve, the trade show displays guru
    PS. Now I’m wondering it I have the courage to click through on your foot video… maybe I’ll drink a Red Stripe first.

    trade show displays guru’s last blog post..Spam My Blog – Win a Free Link

  29. 29 ann of thejunkdrawerblogfamily

    Your walking in untied shoes scared me! I kept thinking each step might end in disaster, and even with the cats witnessing the event, how would they ever signal to someone that you need help, but it would have all been captured on film! Promise me to never use that camera alone without tying your shoes first!

  30. 30 JD

    cardiogirl: I definitely need some cooler footwear if I’m going to keep making these “feet” movies (and I am). Of course Chuck Taylors are the obvious choice!

    Ungirdled Passion: Thank you! She’s definitely smiling. She knows her face will be seen (and adored) by millions.

    dcr: Oh, I don’t even WANT your precious “Snow Walking”! That is, I didn’t, until you started making a big fuss about it, and now I do kind of want it. HA! You just wait until this winter. It is a great idea, and I have no qualms about stealing it. Sundance and BEYOND!

    TheSnackHound: Well, that’s a different story, sistah! Maybe you should check out the popular blog “I Do Things That You Might Also Want to Do.” Tho I hear it’s not as funny and there’s way less nakedness.

    trade show displays guru: Yes, definitely have a Red Stripe, if only to make the video more entertaining. I may have oversold it a bit. You are too kind. Are you referring in particular to the photo of the camera instructions? That was one of my favorites, too.

    ann of the junkdrawerblogfamily: HA! I always walk around with untied shoes (‘cuz I’m always kicking them off), and you’d think I’d know better because I HAVE tripped and fallen more than once. I’d like to think the cats could’ve Tweeted something.

  31. 31 Astroturtle

    Haha when I first got my camera I did the same, I took pictures of anything and everything that was still or even moving. It took me about a year to find out it had a museum setting after I’d been to numerous museums getting horrible pics >_<

  32. 32 Preston

    I’ve had my camera for 9 months and still haven’t figured out most of the features. And the camera on my phone, forget it! My first picture is a slightly slanted image of a decapitated salesperson ringing up the the sale of my phone. (I kept it cause, man, was HE EVER BUILT. Best accident I ever made.) Anyway, I love your word-laden, wordless Wednesday!

    Preston’s last blog post..POM Wonderful Pomegranate Juice – Put Some POM Wow in Your Life!

  33. 33 Jay

    Hahahahaha! You are funny.

    Yes, Dave is indeed inscrutable, but that’s probably because, since he has you, he has no need of his own scrutability. All he has to do is sit back and let it all happen around him. LOL!

  34. 34 Musingwoman

    Love that look on Prudence’s face. But, what the heck is that spider looking thing?? eeeek!

    Musingwoman’s last blog post..Independence

  35. 35 John

    Stalkin’ the cats. I held my 8 week old kitten for an hour after that. (giggle) :)

    Biggest problem I’ve got with my PDA cam ability is it’s non windows native. ick. Very envious of you and your new toy. :)

    John’s last blog post..Twittering 2009-07-10

  36. 36 JD

    Astroturtle: Museum setting? What does that do??? So far some of my subjects have gotten bored and wandered off while I’m still trying to figure out all the settings.

    Preston: HA! Good for you. I hope at least your hunky headless salesguy isn’t as blurry as my mom.

    Jay: Aw, thanks. Yes, that’s a good explanation of Dave. He does tend to sit back and “let it all happen.” Somehow, tho, he keeps providing me with blog fodder!

    Musingwoman: It’s a spider looking thing! Don’t worry: it’s fake. Tho with Prudence around, we really don’t have to worry about the real ones.

    John: 8-week-old kitten? I WANT ONE!

  37. 37 Unfinished Rambler

    About that video of you puking at BlogHer: I wouldn’t worry. There’ll be plenty of other bloggers to catch that and post it. Can’t wait (okay, I can) to see it. ;)

    Unfinished Rambler’s last blog post..Just One Of Those Songs

  38. 38 Kathy

    I’m with Jeff. Why must you still have the fetus?

    As for cameras, we don’t get along much. When I needed a new one, I asked for a simple “Point and Click” model, as in point and click. Nothing more, nothing less. I didn’t get that kind. I got the kind that insists on being read about in the manual. What manual? That’s long gone by now.

    Ask your Mom if she minds being blurry like that. Does she walk around and people can only get a sense of her? Must be hard being blurry.

    Kathy’s last blog post..Don’t Knock It Til You Try It

  39. 39 Astroturtle

    The museum setting basically turns off flash and sound (my camera makes sounds automatically when it focuses otherwise) and its supposed to take better pics in the low light but doesn’t really seem to help much…

    and I found out today I have a setting for taking pics in snow and for fireworks … and apparently there’s a mode for taking a self portrait and i think I just blinded my self with it.

    Oh! chances are there’s a setting for a moving targets ;) and don’t blind your self self portrait mode does not turn off flash

  40. 40 The Mother

    If you had bought your camera last week, you could have saved me the $100 I spent on TWO for the boys for camp.

    The Mother’s last blog post..The Things You Learn When You Slice Your Finger (Almost) Off

  41. 41 JD

    Unfinished Rambler: Yes, you know how catty women are. They’ll be lining up with their Flips to catch that piece of history.

    Kathy: The fetus is GONE! Sob. I don’t know why or where. Only a faint orange smudge remains. My mom says being blurry is awesome. No one sees your wrinkles or zits or imperfections of any kind. Even fat rolls are smoothed away. Not that my mom has any fat rolls, of course.

    Astroturtle: COOL! I have a fireworks setting; also one for food and pets. I would think that the whole point of a self-portrait setting would be that you WOULDN’T blind yourself, but then I’m still referring to the instructions.

    The Mother: Yikes. Um. I hope they were the disposable kind?

  42. 42 Tim

    Now that has gotta be the greatest video EVER! But not nearly as silent as you would have us believe… is there a hidden subliminal message in those faint background noises?

    Tim’s last blog post..Let’s Go Get Stampeded

  43. 43 Amy @ Bitchin' Wives Club

    Oh, I got a fantastic chuckle out of the photo of your two cats and the EYES looming mysteriously to the left.

    This is my first time here and I had fun following your links back to 80s hair, “the look,” and this one. I’ll be back! You’ve got that awesome goofy humor that I do so love!!

    Amy @ Bitchin’ Wives Club’s last blog post..Mommy GrumpBag

  44. 44 David

    The cats in the video were absolutely hilarious … clearly they think you’re insane.

    David’s last blog post..The Year of the Octogenarian, and Other Curiosities

  45. 45 JD

    Tim: Good ear! YES! There is a subliminal message — so secret even I don’t know what it is, so if you figure it out, please let me know.

    Amy @ Bitchin’ Wives Club: HI! And welcome! Those eyeballs are pretty spooky aren’t they? My poor cats put up with a lot. Thanks for stopping by!

    David: Clearly. And they’re right. Poor little Prudence still hasn’t figured out what “outside” means, so whenever she sees me from a window, she’s all freaked out. But even Gus was a bit astounded by the filming.

  46. 46 Astroturtle

    You would think, but then that would make too much sense :P

    I love my camera though, can’t be too mad at it for trying to make me go blind.

  47. 47 JD

    Astroturtle: I love my camera, too. And I’ve only felt a little blind when trying to read the instructions.

  48. 48 Astroturtle

    Well that’s better than what I did *takes camera out of box charges turns on…takes pics of turtles*

    *a few months later* “what there’s a setting for pictures of moving targets?!”

    *a year later* “Pictures in snow museums and fireworks?!”

    I learn by trial and error :-p

  49. 49 UK Digital Camera Reviews

    Astroturtle Jul 14th, 2009 at 10:02 PM

    You would think, but then that would make too much sense :P

    I love my camera though, can’t be too mad at it for trying to make me go blind.

    Most of the pocket cameras we have reviewed over the past few months are easy to use and those we have tested will not make you blind or that’s what the disclaimer says. lol

    The only thing that remains such a draw back for even the compact/pocket digital cameras are the dozens of features included that most people rarely use. It would not be the first time were people thinking they were navigating through their pictures accidentally end up deleting them due to some button. Simply put does everybody know what this or that icon is for?

    .-= UK Digital Camera Reviews´s last blog ..Nikon COOLPIX S710 Digital Camera =-.


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