You read that right. I am giving away three of the rare, hard-to-find Simply Caramel Milky Ways to three lucky, LUCKY readers.
Can you believe my generosity? It knows no bounds, srsly.
It all began yesterday, when I went to PetSmart. On the five-minute drive, I experienced a cold feeling of terror in my empty Milky-Way-less belly. Was it PetCo or PetSmart?
I’d have to wait and see.
I approached the candy display. More cold terror. I didn’t see them. I saw regular Milky Ways but no . . . oh, wait! There they are! Oh, phew. Oh, thank Zod. Oh my stars. Bless my soul. And so on.
I scooped up eight Simply Caramels and left three. I don’t know if there are any more in the stockroom, but who cares. I have mine. Milky Way will just have to make more.
I also bought a cat toy. True, it was the cheapest one I could find, but Gus and Pru seem to like it:
I know Dave will be asking, “Where’s MY Milky Way?” Don’t worry. They’re carefully hidden, and he doesn’t know my secret hiding place. Oh, apropos of nothing, Dave, please don’t bother ever putting away my cereal when you do the shopping. Just leave it out. I’ll put it away myself. Really, I don’t mind. I swear, if you open that cereal cabinet . . .
Oh, but it doesn’t even matter, because Dave has some kind of weird crevice between his teeth that forced him to stop chewing gum (“Everything tastes like spearmint”) and switch to sugar-free Starlight mints. That Dave. He knows how to live.
On to the contest!
I’m giving away three (3) of these sweet little babies. And, yes, Mr. and Mrs. Mathematician, that DOES mean I’m keeping five for myself.
If you want one—R-E-A-L-L-Y want one—all you have to do is say so! In a comment. So easy. So sweet. So chewy. So . . . NOM NOM NOM! OK, now there are seven. We’d better get this contest on the road. Just drop a comment on this post and tell me that you want a Simply Caramel Milky Way. OR a Milky Way Simply Caramel, for that is the official name.
There are no tricks or gimmicks. Your comment can be a simple statement, a poem, a diorama, or even an animated GIF. You don’t HAVE to include the phrase “JD, thou art so pretty,” but I can’t say it won’t help.
The contest ends on February 13 at 6PM. The winners—drawn randomly—will be chosen by a LIVE (well, what that means is I plan to film it on my camera and post the YouTube link) drawing the following day.
Are you excited? Maybe not. A lot of you, frankly, were all, Oh, I only like dark chocolate. I don’t even like caramel. I hate Milky Way. Blah, blah, blah. So maybe there won’t even BE three entrants.
Or maybe there will be thousands.
Winners must be prepared to cough up their addresses via private e-mail. I will mail these precious bars ANYwhere: England, Canada, The Land That Time Forgot, even the Planet of the Apes!
And hurry. They’re going fast.