Jerk it out


Yo! We’re back from Jamaica, and, as promised, I ate me some jerk chicken. See it up there? It was my first meal in Jamaica. The first of many. Many, many meals. What am I trying to say here? I ate a lot of food. I even ate the airplane breakfast, which, according to my journal from 2008, featured four Tater Tots instead of five. Damn cutbacks!

I ate at buffets, a beach party, a Japanese hibachi grill, an Italian bistro, and the naked pool lunch. I ate something called Rasta Pasta, which I think was code for “dump last night’s leftovers in a pan and give it a colorful name and stupid tourists will eat it.” I had lots of fish and rice and vegetables and then made up for that by eating french toast and bacon sandwiches doused in brown sugar and syrup with a side of more bacon.

But the highlight of my vacation eating adventure was a simple Jamaican dish.

Long ago, the ancient Jamaicans discovered a strange and delicious root. It became the centerpiece of this native dish that would endure, unchanged, for centuries. In the local patois, it is known as Cool Runnings Dutchy. But I have given it a more contemporary name:

French Fry Salad!


Oh, mon. Those ancient Jamaicans knew a good thing when they found it. Iceberg lettuce, french fries, and a dousing of Thousand Island dressing. Tomatoes optional. Of course, I could make this at home, but the point is: I never would. To partake of something this exotic and forbidden, you simply must leave the country.

But wait! I did a lot more in Jamaica besides eat. OK, not a lot more, but . . . some more. And yes, most of it was done in the nude. I know that’s what you really want to hear about, and I shan’t disappoint you. In fact, you get to choose the nude(ish) photo that will be featured at the top my next post.

In your comment, simply include your choice:

I want to see . . .

JD’s hearts


Dave’s snail

Choose wisely. Patois optional.


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48 Responses to “I Enjoy Exotic Caribbean Cuisine”

  1. 1 PG

    I am ascared to choose. But I do have a question… were all your meals served with a Phallus?

    PG’s last blog post..Tortoise Shell (360/365)

  2. 2 Daisy the Curly Cat

    French Fry salad? Do want!!!

    I pick the snail. I have always wanted to know what is inside a snail’s shell.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Tattle Tail Tuesday: Stuff Harley Wrecked!

  3. 3 Laura-Junkfoodaholic

    While we are in the middle of an ice storm, you get to take a trip to Jamaica!

    How nice.

  4. 4 Rob O.

    Gonna hafta toss in my vote for “JD’s hearts.”

    Rob O.’s last blog post..Coffee To Go

  5. 5 Shieldmaiden96

    Our trip to the Bahamas was a whirlwind of conch.
    No, that is not a euphemism.
    We ate lots of conch, one of those ‘yummy as long as you don’t look at it too closely’ delicacies. I didn’t get nekkid though; I am from an exceptionally pale strain of Caucasian, one accustomed to potatoes and short summers. I don’t toast well.

    Shieldmaiden96’s last blog post..Getting all up in it

  6. 6 Canucklehead

    I’m going to have to go with getting my ‘hearts-on’ all the way …

    Canucklehead’s last blog post..¡dl??

  7. 7 Ilana

    French fry salad looks awesome! I am totally going to have that for dinner tonight and pretend it’s okay because it’s a foreign dish. How exotic and worldly!

    Ilana’s last blog post..Nottie

  8. 8 Natural

    i’m so glad you’re back. no more vacation for you without your laptop, okay well maybe just one more.

    rasta pasta? not on your life’a. yeah that’s probably leftovers with a pretty name.

    naked pool lunch? where do you place your napkin. lol

    french fry salad? i don’t think so, but glad you enjoyed it.

    um dave’s snail please.

    Natural’s last blog post..My Other First Time, Part I

  9. 9 Stephanie Barr

    I have no opinion on your choice of nudity. Surprise me.

    Glad to have you back and to hear their still cookin’ in the Caribbean. I have to admit, a French Fry salad was a new one on me.

    Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..Learning from Tragedy

  10. 10 MomZombie

    JD: Did you designate Dave’s unmentionables as a snail so we wouldn’t have to? Poor Dave. Unless it’s one of those Caribbean super snails? You are brave so I don’t have to be: Went to a nude beach once, in Spain. Didn’t part with the hearts.

    MomZombie’s last blog post..Anger management – with sprinkles

  11. 11 Kathy

    “french toast and bacon sandwiches doused in brown sugar and syrup with a side of more bacon.” Oh, yeah. Now you’re talkin’. Also, the french fry salad could have used some bacon. As it was, it looked like it couldn’t find its identity. Am I healthy? Or am I deadly?

    Bacon would have moved it to the dark side. Next time ask for some oink. You know you want to.

    Oh, I’ll take a side of Dave’s snail please.

    Welcome back!!!!

    Kathy’s last blog post..For Those of You With Kids in College

  12. 12 Babs - beetle

    We regularly eat salad with French Fries with salad cream! Although we usually have some meat with it too.

    The snail, of course! What did you expect of me? ;)

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Look what I got & Which doodle?

  13. 13 Susan

    Glad you are back! I vote for the snail.

    Susan’s last blog post..Are You Ready For Some…Baseball?

  14. 14 JD

    PG: I would be ascared, too, as I have SEEN the photos. No, we did not have a Phallus with all of our meals. Only a few (???)

    Daisy the Curly Cat: YES! It’s so, so good. And I hope you’re not disappointed with your choice. Thank you for voting!

    Laura – Junkfoodaholic: Yes, it was rather good timing. Our weather here was pretty crappy, too. And still is, if it makes you feel any better.

    Rob O.: Aw! Thanks for voting. I hope you won’t be disappointed or terrified if your choice wins!

    Shieldmaiden96: I toast too well. It may look great, but it’s pretty unhealthy. As for conch, I can’t say I cared for it, tho I only tried it once—as a fritter.

    Canucklehead: Woo! Thanks for voting! We’ll see if you do indeed get a “hearts-on.”

    Natural: It’s good to be back, strangely enough. Thanks for voting for Dave’s snail. I think it’s a tie so far. Won’t Dave be surprised if he wins?! (No napkin needed at the naked lunch. If you spill, just jump in the pool!)

    Stephanie Barr: I think you’ll be surprised, all right. I’m glad to be back. I missed all you guys! But not as much as I miss French Fry Salad.

    MomZombie: Don’t feel too sorry for Dave. I covered up my boobs with clip-art hearts; he gets a snail. A big snail. I envy you your visit to Spain, nude beach or not!

    Kathy: Thanks for voting for Dave’s snail. As for the French Fry Salad, it goes without saying that bacon would improve it; however, I ate so much at breakfast I had to give my stomach a break.

    Babs – beetle: I remember salad cream! I think you can buy it here at the regular grocery store. I’ll have to look for it. And thanks for voting! The snail is winning!

    Susan: Thank you! And thanks for voting!

  15. 15 absepa

    The french toast and bacon sandwich doused in brown sugar and syrup sounds just yummy. I may have to try to create something like that for dinner tonight.

    I’m still so amazed by your (and Dave’s) willingness to be naked that I don’t think I’m able to vote. It will have to be a surprise!

    absepa’s last blog post..The Tank is Empty

  16. 16 Lin

    Did you eat naked too? I think if I saw others naked at the table I would probably lose a ton of weight. Like I cannot eat at those buffet places because there is always some big fat guy hoarding all the food and sweating while he eats it. Ick. Now imagine him naked. Double ick. Well, I hope you were clothed for all that delicious food and had a ton of fun!

    I think I already saw the heart photo (which, I’ll admit, was really brave) and I like snails, so…………I vote for Dave! I hope he has a big juicy snail to show us.

    Lin’s last blog post..At least we’re not "sexting"

  17. 17 JD

    what no jerk off chicken?

    JD’s last blog post..Seven Habits of Highly Ineffectual People

  18. 18 Regan

    French fry salad!??! Did you bring any back for us? I vote for JD’s hearts, I guess. Did Gus and Pru miss you? I know I did. :)

    How did they make this french fry salad? I might just make it at my own house,

  19. 19 Musing

    I couldn’t decide between hearts and snail so I flipped a coin (hearts-heads, snail-tails) and heads won. :)

  20. 20 flit

    I am thinking that I should not read your blog while I am at the motel because there’s never anything much good to eat here…I want french fries now…. with Magi … home made french fries with Magi .. no salad stuff

    I vote you post them both… but if I HAFTA pic one, the snail cuz we saw hearts already once :)

  21. 21 Maureen

    A 20% Tater Tot reduction! Horrors!!!

    A french fried salad… now I’ve seen it all. Well, almost all. I’ll vote for escargot SVP (er, snail).

    Maureen’s last blog post..Famous Last Words

  22. 22 Tim

    I don’t like snails, but it seems like that’s the direction this vote is going!

    Tim’s last blog post..I Wish I Was This Guy

  23. 23 JD

    Ilana: It is OK to eat the French Fry Salad in your very own home, as long as you acknowledge it’s exotic foreignness. Tell me how you like it!

    absepa: Surprised ye shall be. I hope it’s not too unpleasant of a surprise. Let me know if you try out the french toast/bacon sandwich (the brown sugar is KEY!)

    Lin: We did eat naked, I’m sorry to say. For the first 2 years we went to this resort, I resisted the Naked Pool Lunch for the very reason you outlined in your comment. But we just got so lazy. It was easier to wrap a towel around our waists and get something at the bar than get ALL THE WAY dressed and go to the main restaurant. (It’s a different heart photo, btw, but I think you made a very good choice!)

    JD: No, not this year! Maybe next time the resort will get wise and start serving that dish.

    Regan: French Fry Salad doesn’t travel very well, I’m afraid, but it’s REALLY easy to make. Shred your lettuce. Pile on some french fries. Cover with Thousand Island dressing. Voila. (I missed you, too! And Gus was beside himself with joy at our reunion. Pru was kind of like, “Oh, hai.”)

    Musing: Hearts it is! Oh, this is so exciting. How do you STAND it?!

    flit: Yeah, I don’t want anyone getting sick of my hearts. That would make me cry. What is Magi???

    Maureen: I KNOW! It’s not like 5 Tater Tots are going to kill anyone. Geez. Now I’m wondering about Tater Tot salad. Thanks for voting!

    Tim: Snails for Tim! Thank you for voting, you brave man!

  24. 24 flit

    was having trouble finding a link…could be cuz I was spelling it wrong…. it’s Maggi liquid seasoning… kind of like soya sauce only better.

    I use it on lots of stuff…but especially on French Fries.

  25. 25 Steve | Trade Show Guru

    Hey JD,
    Sounds like you had a fantastic trip!
    That “Cool Runnings Dutchy” salad looks tasty. I bet it would have gone great with a particular Jamaican beer. :)
    ~ Steve, aka the no-Rasta-Pasta-for-me-please trade show guru

    Steve | Trade Show Guru’s last blog post..It Snows in the Winter

  26. 26 Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    Hearts over snails any day. And I’m wondering if the Rasta Pasta had any special herbs in it. I’ve heard they got some good stuff down there.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..Just What The Doctor Ordered–A Bit of Celebrity Stalking

  27. 27 Brooke

    Yummy! French Fry Salad holy crap its a dream. The nudish picture was interesting.

  28. 28 Brooke

    Oh and I vote JD’s hearts.

  29. 29 Jenn Thorson

    Mmmm. french fry salad… Now I know what all that french fry tweeting was about yesterday!

    Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Office Pranks, Pens, and the Shrinkwrap Trap

  30. 30 Puglette

    welcome back, so glad you had a lovely vacation! i am also glad you did the nudity thing for me, no nudity in public for me, especially in the tropics. a large lobster colored woman would not be good and totally uncomfortable for me. but the french fry salad, ummm you can have mine.

    Puglette’s last blog post..Road Trip! part 2

  31. 31 Father Muskrat

    You people with your nudity. I’m appalled.

    Father Muskrat’s last blog post..okay, not all helmets are worn exclusively by pussyboys

  32. 32 Jen

    It all depends on the size of the snail. Is it a puny french snail? If not then yes!

    Jen’s last blog post..Red Flags

  33. 33 JD

    flit: That looks GOOD! I like soy sauce, and if this is even better, I’ve got to give it a try. Is this a US product?

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life: Thank you for voting! As for “special” herbs—it’s certainly possible. The day I tried the Rasta Pasta, I felt extremely mellow (if a bit nauseous).

    Steve | Trade Show Guru: Any “particular” Jamaican beer you have in mind?! :) It definitely was good with my drink of choice: Appleton rum and pineapple juice.

    Brooke: French Fry Salad can be a reality—if you dare to make it at home. And thank you for voting!

    Jenn Thorson: HA! Yes. I’m determined to make this dish as popular as Bacaroni and Cheese.

    Puglette: HI PUGLETTE!!! Oh, you gave me an idea for a post title: “I Was a Large Lobster-Colored Woman in the Tropics so you don’t have to be”!! Actually, I didn’t get too lobster-colored. Parts of me did. No French Fry Salad for you? Not even if I throw on some bacon?

    Father Muskrat: Should I put on a Snuggie?

    Jen: It is definitely NOT a puny snail!

  34. 34 Tiggy

    After the Rasta Pasta, did you go on to eat seven bags of chips, eight Twinkies and a can of Spam?

    Because that’s what happens when you eat “that kind of thing”. Yum!

    Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Teach Yourself Taxidermy Kit

  35. 35 Jeff

    Maybe Dave should have worn a conch shell. You know, to cover up his…


    Jeff’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  36. 36 Jen - Queen of Poo

    So how was the jerk chicken? I’m probably gonna have to try some of that, even though you did it so I don’t have to. ;-)

    Jen – Queen of Poo’s last blog post..Thunking on Thursday

  37. 37 History

    I like the Caribbean food, it’s really good but I’ve never seen a French fry salad, that’s funny! I want to try it, I’m sure you had a great time there :)

  38. 38 flit

    I think it was originally European …German, possibly …but at some point, Nestle’s bought it…

    we used to only be able to get it at import type places…but now my grocery store carries it

  39. 39 chat blanc

    I want that salad!!! yummy! and I have to vote for seeing the snail. :)

    chat blanc’s last blog post..I supercalifragilisticexpiali-dosed myself

  40. 40 JD

    Tiggy: Oh, man if ONLY they’d had Twinkies. Instead I had about 40 cakelets, the entire canister of cornmeal pudding, and followed up by sticking my head under the soft-serve ice cream dispenser. And then sleeping the rest of the day.

    Jeff: Oh, you can say it! We’re all grown-ups here. OK, some of us are.

    Jen – Queen of Poo: Oh, it was good. And different from what I’ve tried in the States. Soooo good. And a couple nights they had outdoor parties where they grilled it. SO GOOD! Did I mention it was so good?

    flit: OK, I’ll look for it. We have an “ethnic” aisle at our store that may carry it. I’m really curious.

    chat blanc: Thank you for voting! And the French Fry Salad IS surprisingly easy to make at home—if you DARE!

  41. 41 Cindy Lietz, Polymer Clay Tutor

    Wow that fry salad sure is exotic!! At least my kids would think so! I see I’m too late to choose Dave’s Snail since you have already done so, but thought I’d throw in my preference anyways! Sounds like you had a great trip!

  42. 42 JD

    Cindy Lietz, Polymer Clay Tutor: Yes! It was lots of fun. And don’t worry: millions of readers chose Dave’s snail so you didn’t have to. Check it out!

  43. 43 Snuggie

    the snuggie you have to love or hate it, I love it, its so cool!

  44. 44 JD

    Snuggie: You love the Snuggie, do you? Have you seen THIS?

  45. 45 Lindsay Kennedy

    Loving Dave’s Snail and that even a salad comes with a side of something not particularly healthy!


  46. 46 JD

    Lindsay Kennedy: Dave thanks you. And you’ve got to try the French Fry Salad. It may not be that healthy, but it is dee-lish-ous!

  47. 47 Claire

    Great, now im hungry!
    That looks nice, Iv never tried snail but im sure there will come a time when i take the plunge.

  48. 48 Kelvin

    Cool post. I’m taking a cruise through the carribean in 6 months and I’m excited about all the food. The beaches too, but mostly the food. I’ll especially try that fry salad now. A way to balance the fatty and healthy, I guess. :)


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