I Eat (some of the) Lucky Charms

Blue moon
Now I’m no longer alone

scary-leprechaun.jpg

In a recent scientific survey, it was determined that no one likes healthy cereals. Huzzah! Now I can sing my “Ode to Lucky Charms” without fear of reprisal from crazed health nuts.

Pink hearts: my heart beats for thee
Yellow moons: your warm glow comforts me
Green clovers: your greeness is a mystery
Orange stars: from you I’ll never flee
O, Lucky Charms: your leprechaun mascot is really scar-eeeeeeeeeee!

But look, not even delicious sugary cereals are perfect. Why, just the other day, Dave was lamenting the fact that the crunchberries in Cap’n Crunch are now multicolored. “How can a crunchberry be aqua?” he fumed. “Crunchberries by their very definition are red.”

And so it is with my beloved Lucky Charms. I don’t mind that they keep changing the shapes (red balloons? purple horseshoes?), but they really need to add more marshmallows. Let’s face it, if it was the cereal part we liked, we’d just eat Alpha-Bits. No, it’s those magically delicious marshmallow charms that make Lucky Charms what it is. After all, it’s not called Lucky Oat-Based Shapes of Indeterminate Origin, is it?

Therefore, I will now show you:

How to Eat Lucky Charms

Ideally, we’d all just eat a big bowl of the marshmallow charms, but this isn’t Lord of the Flies, so let’s try to be sensible.

Pour out cereal onto a paper towel.

too oaty!.jpg

0

Create a small “base” of cereal in your bowl of choice.

just the right amount of oats.jpg

0

Remove all the marshmallow charms from the pile of cereal . . .

throw it away!.jpg

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. . . and put them in your bowl for the perfect charm-to-cereal ratio.

delicious.jpg

Voila! Eighteen marshmallows in every bite.

As for the remaining cereal, simply save it for the person in your household who likes Alpha-Bits.

Take the Lucky Charms Quiz

1. The cereal was originally made with

A. Cheerios and pieces of Circus Peanuts

B. Alpha-Bits and pieces of real marshmallow

C. Oat-based shapes and pieces of Peeps

2. The original lineup was

A. pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, orange stars

B. pink candy canes, yellow suns, green leaves, orange oranges

C. pink eyeballs, yellow decahedrons, green nooses, aqua crunchberries

3. Which of these is not a Lucky Charms tagline?

A. They’re magically delicious!

B. They’re always after me Lucky Charms!

C. Now with vitamin-fortified marshmallows!

4. The technical name for the marshmallow charm is

A. marbit

B. charmbit

C. sugarbit

5. In 1975, Lucky the Leprechaun was temporarily replaced by

A. Waldo the Wizard

B. Frodo the Hobbit

C. That scary Burger King guy

(

What’s your favorite Lucky Charm?

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47 Comments


47 Responses to “I Eat (some of the) Lucky Charms”

  1. 1 Daisy the Curly Cat

    I think the Green Clovers are the best, because they remind me of catnip. Your photos of the correct way to eat Lucky Charms are hilarious! I wish all foods could be magically delicious. Most foods are only a little bit delicious.

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Emotions

  2. 2 Babs - beetle

    ha ha! I’ve never seen those before! I’m afraid I am one of those boring people with plain old Rice Crispies’ but at night I have a bowl of luxury Muesli with lots of colourful chunks of fruits and whole nuts. It has to be natural because I have an allergy to most additives.

    The good part is, that I definitely do the same thing. I pick out some extra scrummy bits to add to my bowl.

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Summertime blues

  3. 3 jennypenny

    Chucky Larms!

    As a kid we were never allowed to eat cold cereal … my dad would frown scornfully and say “It’s just air!” … so now I’m a fiend for sugary, nutritionally challenged cereals. But although I dearly love marshmallows of any race, color, creed, or denomination, I’d always pick Cocoa Krispies over Lucky Charms. To cover all my bases I’d just grab a big bag of jet-puffeds on the way out of the store.

    Ingenious way of pimping your bowl of cereal though, JD.

    jennypenny’s last blog post..Let’s Try That In The Key Of Lime

  4. 4 Kathy

    I love what you will do to make your food not just good, but PERFECT! As for me, I’m not a Lucky Charms girl. I’m more a shredded wheat fan. Kathy needs her roughage.

    p.s. The Burger King Guy is the stuff of nightmares. Truly maniacal.

    Kathy’s last blog post..The Mosaic Picture Meme

  5. 5 Alice

    It’s like you know me. I once bought a box of Lucky Charms and ate ONLY the marshmallows. I told my husband it would be awesome if you could just buy the marshmallows by themselves. He doesn’t get me at all.

    In case you didn’t notice my response to your comment on my post – I think YOU should spend a night at the Lizzie Borden House so I DON’T HAVE TO!!

    Alice’s last blog post..Blog Lull Funk Randomness

  6. 6 Maureen

    Ha! You are so right with the proper method to obtain the correct ratio of marshmallows to cereal… but obviously you don’t have young kids. My daughter would NEVER let me get away with that!

    Now cranberry cereals; THOSE I am often tempted to pick out all the fruit and eat just the berries (and your hubby is right about crunchberries BTW). Yummy.

  7. 7 Elle

    Not a Lucky Charms girl — but could have serious quantities of Apple Jacks, or current fave Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
    Here’s one for ya — recently they actually sent me a sample of some cereal that is supposed to make you “feel lighter and less bloated” (I quote the box…) after breakfast. Whaaaaa? From those nice SNL folks that brought you Colon Blow??? Isn’t the whole point of cereal to fill your belly UP with sugary goodness?

    Elle’s last blog post..Reasons for Blogging AWOL, or Hey, I’m Busy LIVING

  8. 8 Carole

    Hey I got that free box of cereal too! (cereal that is supposed to make you “feel lighter and less bloated”) I ate it. It was good, but alas, no marshmallows. Actually it had these little airy balls that were supposedly vanilla flavored. I couldn’t taste the vanilla. They were like tiny styrofoam balls. That’s probably how you feel “lighter”. Fill ya up with styrofoam. Anyway, thank you for the tutorial of how to achieve the perfect charm-to-cereal ratio. You should submit it to eHow. I’m sure there are many poor souls, not lucky enough to read you blog, that are eating sub-par bowls of Lucky Charms, not realizing they do not have to go on living that way…

    Carole’s last blog post..Three Things that are NOT Cool About Me

  9. 9 Marelisa

    I love Lucky Charms, and have been tempted on several occassions to do what you suggest here, but my favorite cereal is Fruit Loops. Haven’t had either in a long time though, now I’m thinking I should go to the grocery store and get fruit loops.

    Marelisa’s last blog post..Share the Love Friday on Marelisa-Online Abundance Blog: Week of June 9th, 2008

  10. 10 RT Cunningham | Arnel Pineda

    It’s amazing how you can take something as mundane as breakfast cereal and turn it into a humorous event.

    Lucky Charms is too expensive here in the Philippines (it’s imported), so I usually buy the clone. I don’t eat it often, though, because the sugar hurts my teeth (what’s left of ‘em).

  11. 11 cardiogirl

    This is so incredibly lame, but it was *sort of* like Lord of the Flies at my house growing up, so I was just happy to *get* some Lucky Charms.

    Favorite Lucky Charm — anything that was marshmallow textured.

    I didn’t feel I had the luxury of choosing an actual shape. I was just happy if I got a couple charms in the bowl. My kids would think I was the coolest mother on the planet if I created the 18-marshmallows-per bite bowl that you have created via photography.

    However, no one in the house likes Alpha Bits and I am not eating that left over cereal. Now that I’m an adult I don’t have to eat the left overs.

    I also run with scissors in the house, after the kids are asleep, because I’m an adult and I can.

    cardiogirl’s last blog post..Without further ado, here’s my answer

  12. 12 JD

    Daisy the Curly Cat: I have to admit to a secret fondness for Green Clovers, myself. I think they are extremely lucky. Maybe your Mommie would mix some Lucky Charms in with your Temptations!

    Babs – beetle: WHAT? England has no Lucky Charms? Should I mail you some? I don’t understand how “luxury” and “Muesli” are in the same sentence. Also, this liking of “fruits” and “nuts.” Is it a British thing?

    jennypenny: Hee! Chucky Larms. As for your dad’s claim, sure: DELICIOUS air. See what our parents did to us by denying us these sugary treats? I still eat Pixie Stix out of sheer defiance.

    Kathy: Shredded Wheat, eh? Did you know there’s a pill you can take for roughage? I strongly recommend it so you can focus on sugary cereal. (Which is spookier—BK guy or the Quaker Oats man?)

    Alice: Someday I’m going to do that—eat just the marshmallows. Did you pour them in a bowl with milk? And, yeah, why can’t you buy just the marshmallows?

    (re: Lizzie Borden House: Hmmm. This may be the time to put to test my theory of whether it’s possible to “hold it” all night long.)

    Maureen: No, no kids, you’re right. I guess that’s why we act like kids. What are these cranberry cereals of which you speak? Isn’t a cranberry some sort of fruit? What’s that doing in a cereal?

    Elle: HA! Colon Blow—I’d forgotten about that. And, yeah: I need proof that I’ve eaten, and that full bloated feeling is the only way I know I’ve had enough. The only way you feel lighter after eating? Colon Blow.

    Carole: Airy, styrofoam balls. Yeah, you couldn’t pay me to eat that. We got a tiny box of Honey Bunches of Oats in the mail, but we were both afraid to eat it.

    I’m headed to eHow right now!

    Marelisa: Froot Loops (please note proper spelling) is probably my 2d favorite, if only for the delicious Froot Loop dust that gathers at the bottom of the box. It’s my favorite of all the cereal dusts.

    cardiogirl: So? Are you going to try for the “Coolest Mother on the Planet” title? You have the tutorial. The only problem is what to do with the leftover Alpha-Bits. Maybe you could make them into some kind of desserty cereal bar? When you’re done running with scissors.

    RT Cunningham: Lucky Charms mundane? NEVER! I’m sorry to hear that Lucky Charms are a luxury where you are. But is the clone as good? You’ll have to eat some more to let me know, despite painful teeth.

  13. 13 Regan

    1. b
    2. a
    3. c
    4. c
    5. a

    Mmmm now I really want some of them lucky charms!

  14. 14 ann of the shampoo bag

    My girlfriend’s husband must follow a gluten-free diet. He has just discovered that it is now gluten-free. On a recent visit, I spotted a box of Charms on the kitchen counter. His excitement for this magically delicious find is so charming.

    I love your extreme meal makeover. I foresee a blog regarding this very personal type of food activity.

  15. 15 windyridge

    I used to love Lucky Charms and probably still do. Believe it or not Fiber One actually does tastes good and it is is good for you too. Amazing but true. We eat it here. And of course all healthy cereals are incredibly expensive. Still junky cereals are definitely the best.

    windyridge’s last blog post..Win a Free Digital Keychain Contest is On!

  16. 16 Carla @ WordPlay

    I had no idea Lucky Charms had become so colorful. The “charms” that live in my memory from childhood were washed-out looking — and ultra-sweet.

    I don’t think I really bothered with the cereal part as a kid; I went straight for the charms. This drove my mother nuts. I also used to put lots of butter and jam on toast, lick it off and throw away the toast. This delighted Mom to no end, as you can imagine. That practice and other similar nutrient-dodging on my part resulted in my being dragged to the doctor’s office for medical confirmation that my body was getting any vitamins at all.

    And I’m with Kathy on the Burger King guy. Almost every time he comes on TV, either Dave or I make a comment about the process in advertising agencies that allows such atrocities. Never mind the agencies; it’s shocking that the suits at Burger King said, “A king with an ugly, over-sized plastic head. Great idea!”

    (JD: BTW, About a month ago I stopped receiving e-mail updates when you post. I was just about to get around to re-subscribing when the e-mails started up again. Thought you might like to know in case that has happened to anyone else.)

    Carla @ WordPlay’s last blog post..Make Your Own Free Clip Art with Picnik

  17. 17 Jeff

    So how old are you and Dave… five? ;b

    But you’re absolutely right, like everything else these days the costs are going up and the quality and value are going down. It’s a sad thing really when Lucky Charms really means you’re lucky to get some charms.

  18. 18 Formerly Fun

    First, Windy Ridge, if you think Fiber One is tastes good, you probably haven’t really tried Lucky Charms. Fiber One is what you eat to, you know, get things moving, not, I stress, based on how it tastes.

    And now that they’re made with whole grain, and “fortified with 12 vitamins and minerals, and a good source of calcium,” you can eat them guilt free, sort of, well not really but kind of right?

    Formerly Fun’s last blog post..I Loves You Sexy Daddy

  19. 19 Canucklehead

    I’m willing to admit this is a bit of a stretch but I’m hoping either you or one of your readers will remember Pac-man cereal. (insert trademark here). That stuff was awesome – no joke, I swear it was 80% marshmellow. I for the record was a Sugar Crisps man – well, if 6-year-olds are can be called a man – after that they cut corners and who know what – all I know is it took more that 4 seconds for my milk to turn into brown corn syrup. Too long – anyway, cheers!

  20. 20 Maureen

    Just heard a story on the news and immediately thought of you.

    Apparently, after over ten years of no changes, Lucky Charms is adding another shape. A magical hourglass so Lucky can time travel.

    I kid you not.

    I guess it’s a slow news day…. ;)

  21. 21 JD

    Regan: 3 out of 5 ain’t bad! I guess I made this tricker than necessary. You missed # 1 and # 4. But don’t worry. There weren’t any fabulous prizes involved.

    ann of the shampoo bag: Woo! Is there no end to the goodness that is Lucky Charms? Gluten-free!

    windyridge: I have to (reluctantly) agree: Fiber One is not bad-tasting. And it’s certainly better for you than Lucky Charms (now gluten-free!). But it’s so drab looking! Brown twigs! Where are my pink hearts?

    Carls @ WordPlay: Yeah, the charms may have gotten more colorful, but they are still ultra-sweet. I love that you used toast only as a conveyor of butter and jam. Throw away the toast! Maybe I should just admit that’s what I do with the leftover Lucky Charms.

    Yeah, who thought that freakish Burger King guy would sell Whoppers?

    And thanks for the note about the e-mail subscriptions. I subscribe, and haven’t had a problem, but I’ll check into my Feedblitz account.

    Jeff: Hey! We’re at least eight!

    Formerly Fun: Your feelings about Fiber One are duly noted. I was pleasantly surprised when I tried it—but I think my expectations were so low there was nowhere to go but up. As for the new “healthy” Lucky Charms, when you compare cereals like that with some of the ones that really are supposed to be healthy, you’ll find that LC is often lower in both sugar and fat. Still, probably not that great for you.

    Canucklehead: Now I have to find some of this Pac-Man cereal. 80% marshmallows you say? I’m on it.

    You can do the Pac-Man!

    Maureen: Oh, boy! I’ll have to continue my research then. Excellent rubs hands with evil glee

  22. 22 Babs - beetle

    I would post you a photo of my ‘Luxury Muesli’ if I knew how. It really is scrummy. The fruit is more like chunks of soft sweets really, although not marshmallow. I do love marshmallow, but I just buy a bag full :O)

    Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Summertime blues

  23. 23 Kathy

    JD — Just watched the Pac Man cereal commercial. I’m blind now. God! Can you say “multi-colored psychedelic leggings?” Oh, my eyes!

    Kathy’s last blog post..Update on Wordless Wednesday Post

  24. 24 Corrina

    I haven’t had cereal in AGES. I think I’m overdue. I LOVED your cereal to marshmallow ratio- that’s how a pro does it. :-)

    Corrina’s last blog post..There’s A Woodpecker In My Head

  25. 25 JD

    Babs – beetle: OK, if the fruit is like candy, I might be interested. But you have got to find some Lucky Charms. You’ll never go back.

    Kathy: Isn’t that scary? I felt like I was on acid.

    Corrina: I like to think of myself as a professional cereal eater. And if you start now, you can achieve professional status too!

  26. 26 Cathouse Teri

    What an interesting little quiz! Oh, and I love the way you make your perfect bowl of cereal. Just darling!

    I don’t like Lucky Charms, though. (Teri hides before she gets charmbits thrown at her.)

    Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..The Leader of the Band is Tired and His Eyes Are Growing Old

  27. 27 Shieldmaiden96

    At last, a place I can air my Count Chocula grievance.

    When I was a kid, the marshmallows were smaller, but there was more of them, but the cereal was denser, more chocolaty, almost like chocolate cheerios shaped like ghosts, heavily frosted with sugary goodness. Now, the pieces are airpuffed and insufficiently chocolaty and one must sprinle the whole bowl with a spoonful of Hershey’s baking chocolate to get the same buzz. And yes, I’ve done it and I’ll do it again, PMS be damned.

    Bring back my 1974 Count Chocula!

    Shieldmaiden96′s last blog post..Tuesday $0.02

  28. 28 JD

    Cathouse Teri: Hey, you get back here and accept your punishment! Which will be to recite my Ode to Lucky Charms 500 times in a row.

    Shieldmaiden96: BWAH HA HA HA HA! Oh, I am dying. How I love that this is the place where people can air their Count Chocula grievances! I never had CC myself, but I’m intrigued by your adding Hershey’s baking chocolate to cereal—I think we are on the same page regarding the perfect bowl of cereal.

    PMS be damned, indeed!

  29. 29 Duck

    Well, you know what happened to me when I ate them in bed. Be warned……………….

    Duck’s last blog post..A Post Only a Father Could Love – Part 3

  30. 30 Regan

    Oh. I thought if I got the answers right, I’d get a box of lucky charms. =)

  31. 31 Cathouse Teri

    Ooooooo, I love it when I get to be punished!

    Cathouse Teri’s last blog post..The Leader of the Band is Tired and His Eyes Are Growing Old

  32. 32 JT

    c
    a
    c
    b
    a
    What do you mean no fabulous prize? Big pout going on here!
    To Shieldmaiden96 – Any chocolate cereal is less then what it used to be. I have a little trick up my sleeve that, so far, I’ve managed to keep from my kids. I use chocolate milk! Sometimes I even make it more chocolaty by adding nestle chocolate milk powder. Makes the best chocolate cereal ever. And if you want semi-healthy, take frosted mini wheats and use chocolate milk with those. Then you get your roughage and fix at the same time. It’s a great mix.

    JT’s last blog post..I just farted! And other random things

  33. 33 JD

    Duck! Wait, what? I’m gonna have to check this out . . .

    Regan: I’m sorry! I don’t know how thrilled your mom would be if I were to send you sugary cereal in the mail. Um . . . I still have the leftover, no-marshmallow-charm pile of Alpha-Bit-like cereal . . . ?

    Cathouse Teri: You’re just relieved not to be pelted with charmbits!

    JT: Thank you for playing! Unfortunately, this quiz was way too difficult. The correct answers to #1 and #4 are, respectively, (a) Cheerios and pieces of Circus Peanuts and (a) marbit.

    The fabulous prize is that we’re all getting some amazing cereal ideas here. Chocolate milk? Chocolate milk powder? It’s anarchy! In cereal form!

  34. 34 Duck

    Yes. Just click um, the Lucky Charms tag. Oh how sad :)

    Duck’s last blog post..A Post Only a Father Could Love – Part 3

  35. 35 JD

    Duck: I don’t know what’s more funny: the picture of the green clover in your belly button, the idea of an interpretive dance, or the fact that you have “Lucky Charms” as a tag. Brilliant.

  36. 36 Kayce Neal

    This was hilarious. I have such a fascination with the marshmallows in Lucky Charms that I, too, have been like so many that have bought the box just to eat the marshmallows.

    I think the horseshoes are the favorites.

    Your blog is hilarious! Kayce

    Kayce Neal’s last blog post..Everything’s a story

  37. 37 robert bourne

    this might be slightly off topic but am I the only one who likes to soak his cereal in milk for 10 minutes so it’s soggy..?..:))..just wondered

    robert bourne’s last blog post..Last Desolate Day of Man

  38. 38 dcr

    They should sell small boxes of just the marshmallows so you can add more to your cereal.

    On second thought, Raisin Bran has two scoops of raisins; how come Lucky Charms only has one scoop of marshmallows!?

    dcr’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: The Boys of Summer

  39. 39 JD

    Kayce Neal: Hello and welcome and thank you! I knew I wasn’t the only one with a Lucky Charm marshmallow fascination. I always tell myself, this time I really will eat the whole box in a normal fashion. But by about a third of the way through, I’m pouring cereal out onto a paper towel.

    robert bourne: Yes, you are the only one. Actually, there is a cereal I like better soggy . . . Oh! Cap’n Crunch. I find letting it soak in milk for a bit makes it less painful on the teeth. You are not alone!

    dcr blogs: That is a GREAT idea! A supplementary packet of marshmallows. That way, if someone else in the house doesn’t like all the marshmallows (psycho), they can have it plain. I like the way you think, sir.

  40. 40 Nance Confer

    DD recently made marshmallows — it was easy! — and we all decided that the best thing was just to eat them. She had plain ones and chocolate-coated ones and cinnamon-coated ones and they might have been used for ice cream or cereal toppings. But, no. We just ate them. All! :)

    Nance

    Nance Confer’s last blog post..Fox News Gives Michelle Obama an A-plus??

  41. 41 Regan

    Ew, Alphabits. It’s okay. I got my own sugary cereal. Cooooookie Crisp!

  42. 42 JD

    Nance Confer: You can MAKE marshmallows? How did this escape me? Is it hard? Were they good? I would imagine they’d be too good to use as a topping. Chocolate-coated marshmallows . . . OMG. Me want.

    Regan: I’ve never tried Cookie Crisp. Could it possibly be better than my Turbo-Sugar Lucky Charms?

  43. 43 Scratch Bags

    This is hilarious. I have never viewed cereals from this point of view. And the pictures look tempting.

    Scratch Bags’s last blog post..Trapped amongst tickling gits

  44. 44 Punk Rebel Mama

    Lucky Charms were treated as say….BLACK TAR HEROIN would be at my house growing up…

    it was to be feared and shunned……unfortunately the brain-washing didn’t stick, and I love em to this day!

    As far as the extra Marshmallow Bits, THEY EXIST I TELL YOU!!!!

    I see them occasionally at my local super-market….and you can also find some here…

    http://www.cerealmarshmallows.com/order.html

    You may worship me now….

  45. 45 JD

    Punk Rebel Mama: Holy . . . I am speechless. There’s a . . . you can buy . . . HOLY CRAP! Cereal marshmallows online! I am ordering some right now and I will report my review. Oh, MAN! Thank you!

    Now, as for the black tar heroin: that is hilarious. It’s funny, ‘cuz we were actually allowed a lot of junk when we were kids, when I think about it. We had to eat the odd canned peach or frozen pea, but we also got sugary cereals, candy, and Marshmallow Fluff and I STILL love all that crap. It’s inevitable, I guess.

    Thanks again for the tip!

  46. 46 advertising balloons

    Thank Al Gore for the Internet!

  47. 47 JD

    advertising balloons: And everyone laughed at him in the beginning!


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