In a recent scientific survey, it was determined that no one likes healthy cereals. Huzzah! Now I can sing my “Ode to Lucky Charms” without fear of reprisal from crazed health nuts.
Pink hearts: my heart beats for thee
Yellow moons: your warm glow comforts me
Green clovers: your greeness is a mystery
Orange stars: from you I’ll never flee
O, Lucky Charms: your leprechaun mascot is really scar-eeeeeeeeeee!
But look, not even delicious sugary cereals are perfect. Why, just the other day, Dave was lamenting the fact that the crunchberries in Cap’n Crunch are now multicolored. “How can a crunchberry be aqua?” he fumed. “Crunchberries by their very definition are red.”
And so it is with my beloved Lucky Charms. I don’t mind that they keep changing the shapes (red balloons? purple horseshoes?), but they really need to add more marshmallows. Let’s face it, if it was the cereal part we liked, we’d just eat Alpha-Bits. No, it’s those magically delicious marshmallow charms that make Lucky Charms what it is. After all, it’s not called Lucky Oat-Based Shapes of Indeterminate Origin, is it?
Therefore, I will now show you:
How to Eat Lucky Charms
Ideally, we’d all just eat a big bowl of the marshmallow charms, but this isn’t Lord of the Flies, so let’s try to be sensible.
Pour out cereal onto a paper towel.
Create a small “base” of cereal in your bowl of choice.
Remove all the marshmallow charms from the pile of cereal . . .
. . . and put them in your bowl for the perfect charm-to-cereal ratio.
Voila! Eighteen marshmallows in every bite.
As for the remaining cereal, simply save it for the person in your household who likes Alpha-Bits.
Take the Lucky Charms Quiz
1. The cereal was originally made with
A. Cheerios and pieces of Circus Peanuts
B. Alpha-Bits and pieces of real marshmallow
C. Oat-based shapes and pieces of Peeps
2. The original lineup was
A. pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, orange stars
B. pink candy canes, yellow suns, green leaves, orange oranges
C. pink eyeballs, yellow decahedrons, green nooses, aqua crunchberries
3. Which of these is not a Lucky Charms tagline?
A. They’re magically delicious!
B. They’re always after me Lucky Charms!
C. Now with vitamin-fortified marshmallows!
4. The technical name for the marshmallow charm is
5. In 1975, Lucky the Leprechaun was temporarily replaced by
A. Waldo the Wizard
B. Frodo the Hobbit
C. That scary Burger King guy
What’s your favorite Lucky Charm?
Find the pot o’ gold at humor blogs!