You think you’re tired now, but wait until three
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What if I did a sleep study and nothing funny happened? I guess I’d write about it anyway. Maybe some of you would like to know what went on.
I was to report at 7:30 PM, which, conveniently, is my bedtime. The only “special prep” I had to do that day was NOT take a nap and AVOID drinking water so I wouldn’t have to get up during the night and trip over the 5,000 wires that were affixed to various parts of my body.
The office was very nice and not at all medical-like, with a lobby stocked with magazines, snacks, and beverages. I was greeted by my lovely technician Kim, who asked if I wanted a firm or soft bed. ALWAYS firm!
The room is nice—imagine a small hotel room. Queen-sized bed, prints on the wall, TV, two nightstands, clean bathroom. Kim tells me to get settled in and she’ll be back in about 45 minutes to hook me up.
The first thing I do is crank down the heat. Then I see from the TV online guide that The Godfather is on. SWEET! There’s not much to do, other than unpack my magazines and iPod and get into my “special event” PJ’s—NOT the threadbare, ragged “nightie” I usually wear.
Kim comes in with a large container of wires and patches and gooey stuff. When she opens the door I hear “Who turned down the heat?” Oops. Apparently my thermostat controls more than just my room.
I sit in a chair facing the TV, and Kim starts attaching patches and leads, first to my legs to determine if I have restless leg syndrome. Then she puts a belt around my chest and one around my waist—these have sensors that measure my breathing. Meanwhile, Michael is shooting Sollozzo and McCluskey and this never stops being awesome. I make Kim watch, tho I’m not sure how much she appreciated the blood and gore.
I ask Kim about crazy clients. “Well, some guys fondle themselves.” HA! “Fondle.” I love that expression. “Were they asleep?” I ask, hoping that they weren’t, ‘cuz that would be hilarious. But, no. It was just innocent sleep-fondling.
More wires and patches on my chest, a “snore patch” on my neck, a blood pressure cuff on my finger, and then the real work begins: Affixing the sensors via gooey goop in my snarly mess of a rat’s nest hair. Top it all off with a nasal cannula (for measuring, not delivering, oxygen), some mouth thingie, and, an hour later: voila!
Oh, did I say nothing funny happened? Baby, I lied.
Don’t you feel sleepy just looking at that picture? Nothing puts me under faster than goo all over my face and plastic tubes up my nose.
Seriously, I am pretty tired by this point. I get as comfortable as I can with all the wires and tubes that are connected to a little box next to my pillow. I read for a bit, listen to some music, wave to the camera, and turn off the light.
Ten seconds later, Kim turns on the light and softly calls my name.
“It’s time to get up!”
The hell?
“Did I sleep?” I ask stupidly.
“Yes, you slept all night.”
Incredible. I’m dying to ask if I snored, screamed, or did anything else embarrassing, but the technicians aren’t allowed to tell you any of the results. Kim unhooks me and, by 6 AM, I’m on my way home to wash all the goop out of my hair.
At least I didn’t fondle myself. I hope.
_________________________
And you KNOW I wouldn’t post an “after” picture of my hair without a “before” picture:
49 Comments
So will you ever hear from them what DID happen? (Or what didn’t?) Or are you forever left wondering whether you’re a fondling drooling restlesslegsyndroming somnabulist?
Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Pirate Captain of the Ship o’ Fools
First…wow, you have great hair! I have fine curly hair and I am very envious of anyone who has nice thick hair.
Second…I have developed this habit of spontaneously falling asleep during the day. Awake one second my head lolling the next. My neurologist wants me to have a sleep study, he suggests sleep apnea. But I don’t want strangers watching me sleep, I have claustrophobia, so the idea of straps around my chest and waist are already making me short of breath. And HELLO, I do NOT snore. I am a lady. Hurrumph.
He is very annoyed with me. It sounds like it wasn’t TOO bad. But I also get up to go to the bathroom about four times a night, thanks to MS. What a pain.
But the best? I wanted to check on the maximum dosage of Mirapex, which I take for restless legs. I found this instead. Guess what the NUMBER ONE huge warning is? Spontaneously falling asleep!
Sleep study, schmeep study. Hurrumph.
I am glad you did ok.
Hope the outcome is good too.
Marie’s last blog post..Prayer Campaign
I don’t know how you could fall asleep like that I just know I’d toss and turn all night!
Tricia’s last blog post..MS Bloggers I need your help!
Thanks. But I’ve had a sleep study. Two of them. Now if you’d just wear the apnea mask so I wouldn’t have to, I’d be all happy like.
Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..I’m Bringing Sexy Back And Holding On To It For Dear Life With One Hand While I Exfoliate With The Other
I’m with Tricia. I think I’d toss and turn all night, get all tangled, and end up pulling the wires off to get some rest!!
The Incredible Woody’s last blog post..42
I do not think I could ever, ever, ever fall asleep with all that stuff attached to me. Not in a squillion years!
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..April Fool?
hi jd! well, first off, you do have lovely hair,so full, thick and shiny. i am soooo jealous!
i agree with everyone else, i don’t think i would be able to sleep knowing people were watching and recording me while sleeping…and with all of those attachments!?! yikes!!
thank you for participating in this sleep study for me, i have a doctor’s apointment this morning…maybe i can get him to sign me up for some fun tests! ;o)
)
hugs,
puglette
Puglette’s last blog post..Sunny Sunday
I think I sleep quite still at nights. At least I wake in the same position I went to sleep in, and my bedclothes are neat and tidy. I would, however be terribly embarrassed as I’ve been told I snore something awful! I don’t believe a word of it ;O)
At least you didn’t have anything washed out, cut open or inserted up your nose – or did you? You may never know.
babs – beetle’s last blog post..Something a little different
It’s been said already, but I could never ever never fall asleep all trussed up like that. Sleep is a rare and fleeting thing for me, and all conditions must be optimum for it to happen. Comfy nightie, perfect pillow, exact sheet and blanket placement, etc., are all necessary in order for me to fall asleep. I am glad you didn’t have any trouble, though, since you probably would have had to do it again if you hadn’t been able to sleep.
Btw, your “before” hair is gorgeous!
absepa’s last blog post..A Lame Post is Better Than No Post, Right?
Man, you’ve been going through all kinds of stuff I wouldn’t want to do. I usually struggle to go to sleep nightly, so I have no idea how I’d do. I’m pretty sure I don’t move around after sleeping, but I’m sort of a whirling dervish before sleeping. I also KNOW I snore.
I’m really feeling for all the medical tribulations. My sympathetic ear is all attuned to your trials.
Stephanie’s last blog post..Time to Yourself
Yeah, the fondling could be a problem.
Thank god you’re not a guy, and unknowingly pitching a tent in the morning.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..I Am Not A Naughty Nurse
Jenn Thorson: I’m sure I’ll never find out the WHOLE story, but, yes, my doc is s’posed to call in a few days with the results. How candid he will be about the fondling, I do not know.
Marie: Oh, my. Thank you! It only looks like that when I use curlers, I have to confess. If you ever do decide to put up with strangers watching you sleep, it really isn’t that bad. I only dealt with one technician the whole time, and she was super-nice and helpful. Good luck!
Tricia: I was sure I would, too, ‘cuz I’m fussy about my surroundings. But I did bring my own pillow, which helped. I don’t know. Maybe they pipe some sleeping gas thru the ventilator shaft.
Prefers Her Fantasy Life: If I have to go back, you may just get your wish.
The Incredible Woody: Again, YES! I was so sure at the very least I’d just lie there, afraid to move. But it really wasn’t that difficult to roll over and get comfortable. The worst part was the thing in my nose. I did not like that.
Daisy the Curly Cat: Maybe not in a squillion years, but surely in a plappillion years? If you squeezed your eyes tight and concentrated real hard?
Puglette: Thank you, my dear. It can look good but usually doesn’t. And it is the WORST kind of hair for applying sleep test wires and patches. Yes! I hope you get some fun tests. This one wasn’t too bad, and I’m sooooo glad I slept, mainly because I didn’t want to have to do it again.
babs – beetle: I’m going to demand the video so I can ensure no one messed around with my comatose body. I think I sleep pretty well too (and was equally horrified and disbelieving when told I snore). But I guess you can actually stop breathing for a brief time and not even know it. Hmmph.
absepa: Either this was a weird fluke, or I have turned into one of those people who can sleep anywhere. I didn’t even have any back pain when I woke up. (And thank you!)
Stephanie: Thank you so much. I don’t want to overload the Sympathetic Ear. We’ll see what happens after all the results are in. Could be nothing. I’m positive I don’t have restless leg syndrome, and so what if I snore. As long as my brain isn’t totally deprived of oxygen while I sleep, I’ll be happy.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel: HA! I bet that happens all the time. Poor guys.
sleep fondling…Isn’t that like self rape or something?
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Moo-Cluck
Thanks for doing this for me–now I know I don’t have to.
Judy’s last blog post..
this is one of the tests that I will likely have to have…. although perhaps if it is suggested I can just say no thanks, JD already did it so I don’t have to?
Suppose I could try it
Did you get PAID to sleep? Cause that would just be really awesome.
I think I want to do that sometime. ‘Fondle’? What does that mean? I’d rather hear from an adult than look it up on the internet and get weird information about it.
Regan’s last blog post..Girl Scout Cookies
You actually slept with all the stuff on you? I don’t think you have a sleep problem LOL You DO have great hair – I just had all mine cut off today -
Grace’s last blog post..I thought I was losing my mind for a second there but
Did you have dreams about slimy worms crawling over your face? ‘Cause that would happen to me, I’m sure!
Tiggy’s last blog post..Tiggyblog is One!
I seriously could not sleep with that Frankenstein mess of wires and patches on my head. Although, you’re not alone. A colleague of mine walked in my office today and explained how much pain he was in wearing wires and patches to measure his heart rate, etc.
The worst for him wasn’t the wiring; it was that they shaved around his nipples and his chest was really itchy. Despite the possibility of a sexual harassment charge against me, I asked him to show me his bare chest. I almost cried when I saw how much tape was on the hair they left on him. That’s gonna burn like hell when it comes off. I pity him, like I pity you. Thank you both for doing things so I don’t have to.
Kathy’s last blog post..A What’s That Winner and Another Contest
You’re supposed to be staying *away* from doctory things, remember?
Musing’s last blog post..In honor of the day
I did a sleep study in January. I didn’t have the option of reading or watching TV – just shut up and go to sleep while lying on your back. It took hours to fall asleep and then they woke me up and put on a CPAP. Now I have a CPAP on my nightstand and haven’t been able to sleep with it even once. Now bedtime is a reminder that I have to go see my jackass doctor in two months and listen to him belittle me because I can’t sleep with a hose attached to me nose. I’m thinking that if use the CPAP, I may have 30 years of bad sleep ahead of me before I die or old age and if I don’t use it I might have 30 years of reasonable sleep and then die of an apnea related heart attack. Maybe I just need a new doctor.
C.B. Jones: It almost sounds like it, right? Such an interesting word.
Judy: You’re welcome, BUT! If you really do have to, please make an appointment. It’s really not that bad.
flit: I think that will work. Just print out a copy of this post. That ought to do it.
Regan: Oh, man, I WISH I’d gotten paid. That would indeed have been awesome. Maybe you’d better ask your mom about “fondle.” It’s not really that bad, but perhaps this is not the place for information either.
Grace: No, if anything I am the best sleeper on the planet! And I didn’t even have my cats as foot-warmers. Thank you for the kind hair comment. I wish I’d gotten mine cut off before this test—all that goop!
Tiggy: HA! I don’t think I dreamt at all, which is unusual. Man, the whole thing seems like a dream now, tho.
Kathy: OWowowowowow! Save all your pity for your co-worker—that sounds awful. I hope he found some solace at least in fondling himself later.
Musing: I know, I know. This was it for a while, I SWEAR!
mydailylist: Oh, dear. You poor girl/guy. I hope to god I don’t have to wear the dreaded mask. ‘Cuz I won’t. Like yours, mine will sit on my nightstand, glaring at me. I don’t mean to laugh at you, but for some reason the idea of your doctor “belittling” you for not being able to sleep with a hose attached to your face is funny to me. Where does that jackass doctor get off, anyway?
there is no way i could sleep with all that crap all over me. i can’t wait to hear what the results are! is it sad that i’m all excited with anticipation over YOUR sleep study results? i feel like i’m waiting for my results!
Kelly’s last blog post..Daddy, I Don’t See The Angels
You’ve been through enough, so I gave you an award on Ask Me Anything.
Just sayin’.
Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..WWW: Twisting a Classic
Thanks for helping me get truly excited for my upcoming sleep study. I’ve postponed it a couple of times – but now that I know what they’ll be doing, I can hardly wait!
Great blog – I’ve begun stalking you via email rss, Linked In, BlogCatalog…I don’t know how I’ve missed you, but I’m so glad I finally came across your blog. I don’t want to miss another post!
Thanks for the laughs.
Queen Katherine’s last blog post..You Did…Say What?? Part I
Well, could be worse — I went in for a fondle study and fell asleep. Ain’t that always the way!
Canucklehead’s last blog post..Tres Chica
Fabulous hair sister! My Gosh I’d kill for those long luscious locks.
Your after picture scared me – had flashbacks of zombie movies. Yikes!
Too bad you didn’t fondle yourself – think of what a great blog post that would have made?
You should totally go to the mall or grocery store with all those wires attached to your face… I’m not sure why you should do this, but it sounds hilarious.
Florida Girl In Sydney’s last blog post..Date Night- Martinis and Dangerous Fried Rice
My wife keeps insisting I do a sleep study to see if they can help with my RLS and snoring. I keep telling her there’s no point, because I sleep just fine.
Jeff’s last blog post..Wrapping Up
I’m with Jeff. I don’t have a problem either.
BTW, no, seeing all those tubes and whatnot doesn’t make me sleepy. It makes me anxious.
Also was that an April Fool’s joke? Pretty good one if it was.
unfinishedrambler’s last blog post..WTF (Mostly) Wordless Wednesday #15: What’s The Buzz?
Kelly: HA! You’re way more excited than I am. Either it was a big waste of time and money or something annoying will be wrong. But you can be sure I’ll let you know as soon as I find out!
Stephanie Barr: Thank you! Receiving that award makes me feel like I’m on an upturn. Things are only going to get better.
Queen Katherine: Wow, thank you! And welcome! Stalkers are always appreciated here. And, yes, now that you see just how attractive you’ll look with all the patches and wires connected, how can you put off your study for even one more second? Seriously, it really was no big deal, and I look forward to hearing about yours.
Canucklehead: Aw. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll get to reschedule that. I’ve heard it can be a very drawn-out and demanding procedure.
Christa @ Giggle On!: ZOMBIE! Wow, I didn’t even think of that. Awesome. Yes, I was rather hoping for SOME kind of inappropriate behavior on my part, but I was boring. Maybe if I have to go back, I can watch a David Strathairn movie to put me “in the mood.”
Florida Girl In Sydney: It does sound hilarious, and who needs a reason? Just to freak people out or make them think the Zombie Apocalypse has started early is good enough for me.
Jeff: HAR! That’s kinda how I feel, too, tho my snoring actually does wake me up sometimes.
unfinishedrambler: No joke, I’m afraid. I wish it was, too.
I don’t think I could ever do a sleep study, just because it is so hard for me to fall asleep. If I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour, say 10pm or 11pm, I just thrash around, tossing and turning. I need to be completely exhausted or there is no point in trying to go to sleep. It’s because of the back pain. I don’t take pain pills during the week because I’m the one responsible for getting the kids off to school and I’m afraid I’ll sleep through the alarm. I usually turn in around 2am and unless they have internet access, I’m not twiddling my thumbs until 2am. Lol! I usually find myself falling asleep in a chair later in the day. I feel like I have narcolepsy.
I hope your test results turn out that you don’t have sleep apnea and you don’t need the cpap. Anastasia is supposed to use one, but she can’t stand it either. I know for sure I couldn’t tolerate it either, so I wouldn’t bother doing the test.
On the other hand, some people go for the surgical option, but you can loose your sense of taste. While that may be good for dieting, I don’t think it would be very enjoyable.
Wow. I am so impressed that you could sleep under those circumstances. I would have been a panic-stricken mess before you could have said Jack Robinson.
Baron von Rochester’s last blog post..Addictions and Surveys
They have to at some point tell you what happened. If not, you were not de-briefed. Which would make the entire study illigedimate. Almost as bad as my spelling. I reacken you got, or will get something. In the mail even. If not, thats wack.
Now that I’ve finally read this post, I understand why Regan asked me “Mom, what does fondle mean?” It’s interesting trying to find the right words and tone to describe cheese fondue. Wait…..that’s not what she asked!!!!
I’d be interested to do a sleep study, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep with all that crap all over me, either. At home, I fall asleep at the drop of a hat. UNLESS I know I have to get up at a certain time, then I’m unable to sleep properly, and it’s the same in hospital – strange bed, strange noises, wrong temperature, worry and anxiety all play a part I suppose. I don’t know how they get a decent result with these studies at all!
Oh yeah, and I snore like an earthquake in progress. LOL!
Oh, I’d be soo afraid that I’d do something stupid in my sleep to embarrass me! I’m a sleepwalker, so I can just see me walking around doing weird stuff or scratching my butt or something and them cracking up in the monitor room! Were you afraid of that? I would be and then I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
Lin’s last blog post..Train Spotting
Lola: Oh, boy. I feel for you. Whatever else may be wrong with me, I usually have no problems sleeping (or taking pain pills). I really only took the test to rule OUT sleep apnea, and that had better be the result.
Baron von Rochester: I know! I only heard “Jack Robin . . . ” and blammo. I was out.
Karen: Yes, they are required to give me the results but only after they’ve been analyzed by whomever. The technicians just administer the test. I’ll probably get a call next week. I do not tolerate wack.
ann of the junkdrawerblogfamily: Yeeeah. Sorry about that. I was going to e-mail you and warn you. Oh, well. These kids have to learn sometime, right?!
Jay: The room isn’t like a hospital room at all, so that helped. I don’t feel like I slept as well as I do at home, but they assured me I did sleep. They also say they only need a sample. Give it a try!
Lin: I was a little afraid, but I figure they’ve seen and heard everything. As for sleepwalking, you wouldn’t be able to with all those wires. Someone would come running in to stop you, I think.
This is great! Love your blog! How do we link to your site??
We’re sisters with no degrees but plenty of advice, all of it free for the asking! Visit us some time! We’ll definitely be back to your page!
Caron Charon: Hey, sistahs! Welcome. Yes, I’ll definitely visit (I already have, briefly, and see that you found a way to link to my site with my Sleeping Cat button—thank you for displaying that!) Looking forward to spending more time.
I must admit your hair is fabulous. Perhaps a “My Hair is Fabulous So Yours Doesn’t Have to Be” is a post waiting to be written.
cardiogirl: You so sweet. It only looks fabulous when I know I’m going to be taking pictures. Maybe “My Hair Is Sometimes Fabulous But Usually Pretty Skanky Looking So Yours Doesn’t Have To Be”?
I did a sleep study once and i was not the luckiest ot have a nice technitian. No, i had man who conviently had wake my up every ten minutes cause my finger thing would come off. I had a horrible night so you are the lucky one.
brooke: I am indeed the lucky one. I had a very nice woman who only had to wake me up once, ‘cuz my mouth thing came loose. However, I would not like to have to do it again.
I never made it to sleep in a sleep study. Although you did, your after picture doesn’t look like it.
Erik’s last blog post..Sound of Music Flash Mob
Erik: No, it doesn’t! But I did, and I have proof!
Sleep Studies might sound funny, but a positive test results is certainly not.
Obstructive Sleep Apnea significantly contributes to the severity of Hypertension, Stroke, and Diabetes. Just to name a few of the most common maladies in which OSA presents with definite co-morbidity.
You might also consider that Sleep Studies also identify neurological and psychiatric sleep disorders such as narcolepsy or insomnia.
Imagine cruising 65 MPH on a highway with the undiagnosed OSA or Narcolepsy driver in the lane next to you. Gives you a different perspective.
As for CPAP, if you are diagnosed with OSA, the new technologies make this therapy the most effective way to stop choking in your sleep all night and putting incredible stress on your heart.
Surgically removing tonsils, adenoids, and reshaping the uvula are about 50% effective at best in revealing OSA.
Think a CPAP is hard to deal with? Try a dental appliance or having your jaw surgically repositioned!
The other option for lots of folks is to “simply” lose the forty to fifty pounds that caused their necks to get big enough to cause the problem in the first place. Morbid obesity almost always equals OSA.
CPAP therapy at least allows a patient to get enough restful/recuperative sleep to have the energy and stamina needed to maintain a proper diet and exercise regimen.
Fortunately, a good Sleep Dx, followed by an effective course of therapy, can have an extremely positive impact on the quality of one’s life.
If you want to learn more about this “funny business”, I would suggest visiting http://www.sleepapneainfo.com .
Jimicky: Thanks for all the info and the link. I’m sure the effects of sleep apnea and other sleep disorders are no fun, but I can assure you, my personal experience with a sleep study was rather hilarious.
You have a great sense of humor. Regarding the patients “fondling” themselves in their sleep, I’ve wondered if the employees get desensitized to seeing those sort of things or if they’d have the same reaction as someone hearing that story for the first time.