Let your soul take you where you long to beeee!

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Man, of all the high-quality TV shows I watch—Real Housewives of Orange County, Hell’s Kitchen, Make Me a Supermodel—I’m gonna write about American Idol. Oh, well. I have a feeling there are a few other people out there familiar with this show.

So I went to bed early Wednesday night, around 8:30. Normally not a big deal (other than the obvious question: why am I going to bed so early?) but I wanted to tape Top Chef after the American Idol finale. Because our bedroom TV (where I do most of my taping) uses a cable box, I had to manually—with my hands—change the channel at 9:00. Eh, I figured. Skip it. Bravo shows are rerun for years.

But I couldn’t fall asleep, and at 8:56, I turned on the TV to see if AI was over so I could turn the channel. Not surprisingly, considering all the filler, they had not yet announced the winner.

So: Archie or Cookie? I started out liking David Archuleta a lot, but he became kind of boring, too cute and smushy. No doubt, the kid has a great voice, seems sincerely humble and gracious, and is freaking adorable. David Cook, I hated right out the gate. I didn’t like his vocal affectations or his giant melon head. Or his hair or his habit of writing on his hand. Still, I liked his voice overall and thought he was a great performer AND chose good songs.

But Cookie won me over with his performance of “Music of the Night.” I figured he’d rock it out or do something grungy to it, but he did a straight and beautiful version. I was very reluctantly impressed.

Still, I predicted an Archie landslide, if only because those tween girls out there? They can be scary about the voting and the dialing and the texting. Like, obsessive. I figured there was no way they were not gonna vote 1,000 times for Archie and then go out and bludgeon to death any Cook supporters with their tiny, sparkly cell phone cases and Hello Kitty lunchboxes.

The announcement. Don’t you think Seacrest could’ve held out the drama a little longer. C’mon: “David . . .” you know, for like five minutes, while we all sqealed and died? The show was already running over (I’m still mad that I missed part of Top Chef because Michael Myers had to spend half the show pimping The Love Guru, which looks just like Austin Powers only Indian) Anyway, ” . . . Cook”!

Cookie held off on his reaction to give Archie his props and a big ol’ man-hug. Classy. Then he lost it a little bit, and so did I. Maybe it was the Vicodin, maybe it was my sorrow at missing a few minutes of Top Chef, but I lay on my stomach at the foot of my bed, remote in hand, and . . . I bawled a little. I cried for all the David Cooks of the world whose dreams might never come true. I cried for my pretty Dreadlock Boy, who didn’t stand a chance but who made it to FOURTH PLACE. I cried for Schmuckie and Schmuckie’s Daughter, who are big Archuleta fans. But mostly, I cried because, damn you, American Idol—you still know how to push my buttons with this schmaltz year after year. I’m powerless!

He’s no Kelly “Kelly Belly” Clarkson, but David Cook is YOUR (and my) American Idol. (bawls)

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32 Comments


32 Responses to “I Cried When David Cook Won American Idol”

  1. 1 jennypenny

    I’m so glad you watch this show so I don’t have to!

    But everyone should read your hilarious blog.

    Vicodin???????

    jennypenny’s last blog post..Pepe, Incognito

  2. 2 Fashion Paramedic

    JD!!! I watched AI on Vikey too!! I mixed mine with some Kahlua & cream though, so I was WAYYY emo when D-Cook won. I’ve been listening to his old stuff here:

    http://www.davidcooktheamericanidol.com/music/

    So, you can listen to his old stuff so everyone else (except for me) doesn’t have to.

    Fashion Paramedic’s last blog post..Alexa So TOTALLY Loves Me!

  3. 3 Rob O.

    Initially, I thought Cookie to be kinda arrogant, but I finally got beyond that. My wife was miffed ‘cuz I kept calling him “Bean” a.k.a. “Beanhead” although she did admit that his hairstyle in the beginning did nothing to help.

    But I’m beside myself to sort out why the judges just gushed endlessly over Archie. Sure, he was cute, but the sweetness was cloying to the extreme. His vocal range really wasn’t up to par with that of some of the other Top 10 men. He just desperately belongs in a boy band.

    I still can’t believe that Jason Castro survived as long as he did. He didn’t have the talent to even make the Top 10 list, which I think became more apparent each week. He was coasting on his dread-ful cuteness – rimshot!

    I’m still chapped that Carly & Michael were ousted so early. They were both far better than many of the other Top 10 contestants.

    I’m eager for the next season, but I hope that Randy will discontinue trying to prove to America that he’s actually a black man. Dog, we know it just ain’t true. And good Lord, Paula needs to actually contribute some constructive criticism! These folks don’t need a den mother…

  4. 4 Dave

    This was the only episode of AI I’ve watched this season, but when I heard Simon apoligizing to Cook for treating him like a loser the previous night, I knew it was Cook who won. I think he knew the results priorto being announced. Do you?

    Dave’s last blog post..Reverends of McCain and Obama in Preach-Off

  5. 5 JD

    jennypenny: Aw, what wouldn’t I do for you? You’re so sweet.

    Yeah, Vicodin! If you search for “Vicodin” on my site, you’ll find wa-a-a-y more info.

    Fashion Paramedic: Awesome! That sounds like a tasty combination indeed. I take my Vikies straight, but I’m always open to experimentation. Thanks for the link—I’ll check it out!

    Rob O.: Wow! Are you . . . me? I feel like I wrote your comment, which is weird. Anyhoo, your wife is dead-on with “Bean”—that’s so much more accurate than melon. Beanhead it is! And you’re dead-on with Archie joining a boy band. That seems more his style.

    Jason . . . sigh. I really think his looks clouded my judgment, because if I’m honest, I don’t think he was all that great. But he has a definite sound, and in his little niche could go very far.

    Oh, I know! Carly and Michael! Weren’t they awesome together? More of that, please.

    Thanks so much for dropping by and chiming in, DAWG!

    Dave: You know, I read that elsewhere—that Simon was backpedaling to prepare for Cook’s win. I honestly can’t be objective about it, ‘cuz I saw the results before the show itself, but it did seem kind of out of place. So, are you hooked now?

  6. 6 babs (beetle)

    Well, despite laughing throughout your post, I am gutted. The show hasn’t been aired in UK yet and now I know the result.

    I felt exactly they same as you about David Cook – just didn’t like him. I thought he was arrogant. I kind of guessed he was going to win in the end. I did rather want to wait and watch the show though ha ha!

    I’ll watch anyway, ’cause I want a good cry.

    babs (beetle)’s last blog post..Major Entrecard Updates

  7. 7 JD

    babs (beetle): Oh, I’m sorry I gave away the end! I didn’t think that the show wouldn’t have aired yet in the UK. Well, do watch. Just the last 7 minutes or so.

  8. 8 PolymerClayTutor

    Being a big sap myself I was sad that Archeleta lost. I had just assumed all along he would win… but got a little suspicious when Simon publicly apologized to Cook for being harsh and possibly more judgmental than he should have been! Too harsh? No… just didn’t want to look like an idiot!

    PolymerClayTutor’s last blog post..Alcohol Ink Techniques and Recipes for Polymer Clay Artists

  9. 9 babs (beetle)

    I wasn’t really upset at finding out – just wanted to make you feel bad ;O)

    babs (beetle)’s last blog post..Major Entrecard Updates

  10. 10 Jinksy

    I had been hoping Cook would beat out Archie based on vocal ability.
    During the past season, I would try listen, and not watch the show, to help me decide who was the best Idol contestant, and while Archie was a nice singer, I didn’t imagine him being as radio-friendy (kinda like how Daughtery has had more success than former winner Taylor Hicks) as Cook.

    I’m glad America smartened up and went with someone they’d support for more than this one season.

    Jinksy’s last blog post..Sex and The Kitty

  11. 11 Canucklehead

    -10 cool points. That is all.

  12. 12 Butt Spider

    I so want to insert a snappy comment here, but I’ve never watched that show so I have nothing to say. (Sad face here) Thank you for watching for me. :-)

    Butt Spider’s last blog post..Friend Fun and Booty Free

  13. 13 Kathy

    I’m with Butt Spider. Hmmm, that sounds weird. Anyway, I can’t contribute anything here, as I’ve never watched the show. But I did laugh my head off when I read this:

    “and then go out and bludgeon to death any Cook supporters with their tiny, sparkly cell phone cases and Hello Kitty lunchboxes.”

    Thank you for that visual. And thanks for watching AI and crying, so I don’t have to!

    Kathy’s last blog post..Do You Know the Muffin Man?

  14. 14 JD

    PolymerClayTutor: You’re free from Akismet’s clutches!

    Yes, that seems to be the consensus re: Simon’s speech to Cookie. A little suspicious. And I think Archie has a great future ahead of him. Ten million tween girls can’t be wrong!

    babs (beetle): Success! OK, and now I don’t feel bad anymore. I’m glad I didn’t really spoil it. Thinking about it, you MUST have seen the news elsewhere!

    Jinksy: I’ve heard other people say that you should try just listening to judge the merits of the Idols. If I’d only listened to my pretty Jason Castro, I’d probably have given upon him after his first song.

    Canucklehead: Ouch! That hurts more than the “Ask” review. I’ll get those points back if it kills me.

    Butt Spider: Snappy comments are welcome but not required. Sad faces are frowned upon, but sometimes they are necessary. I’m more than happy to watch AI so you don’t have to, my little Butt Spider.

    Kathy: In theory, being “with Butt Spider” does sound a little strange, but she’s on the level, so you don’t have to feel weird. I’m glad you liked the post if not the show. And I’ll always cry so you don’t have to!

  15. 15 Elle

    It seems I am one of the four people in the universe who doesn’t watch and agonize about this show. Top Chef, Project Runway, yes and yes, but I can’t stand the first weeks when they bring in all those poor pitifuls that can’t sing and then fire hose them, so I just don’t imprint on it.

    Elle’s last blog post..Indiana Jones, Meet Louisiana Maxwell

  16. 16 Dave

    The first few weeks of rejects are the bestest part IMO.
    JD: Am I hooked? Na, but I’ll put it on while I’m bloggin’ ! ;)

    Dave’s last blog post..Americans Having Fits With Wii Fit

  17. 17 Tim

    Depends on which universe you live in, Elle. In this one I find myself a part of, the people watching AI are in the minority. Sadly, I am also afflicted with Canadian Idol, so I have to suffer through months of discussions at various functions and on the radio every morning. Wasn’t there something in the bible about false Canadian Idols and graven images of pop stars with signatures?

    Tim’s last blog post..The Ultimate Monster

  18. 18 JT

    JD, you are a sick woman! LOL! I stopped watching after the third season, it just gor a little to boring. Now I watch Rock The Cradle on MTV. All the stars kids get up there and perform, and it’s funny as all hell to watch. Dee Snyders (Twisted Sister) kid was performing, and on national TV, we watched his mom tell him his pants weren’t tight enough, he needed to show his package off more. I was sooo embarrassed for him, but I was laughing my ass off too.

    JT’s last blog post..It’s been a looong-ass week

  19. 19 JD

    Elle: Woo! Project Runway! Can’t wait for the new season. I wonder if AI knows how many people are turned off by the Parade of Misfits. But are there more people who tune in just for that part??? Like . . .

    . . . Dave! I have to confess: I love the rejects too—only because they HAVE to know what they’re getting themselves into. And this season, believe it or not, the judges (ie Simon) were actually nicer.

    Tim: I do remember reading something about that . . . but graven American Idols are OK, I think.

    JT: Rock the Cradle??? Wait, that’s not the same as Born to Rock, is it? I think if I had to watch the scene you described, I’d throw up (while laughing, of course).

  20. 20 elasticwaistbandlady

    David Cook was just so humble about it that I found myself tearing up a little bit too.

    They said Archuleta got the Mormon vote but not in my household. My older girls were fans of David Cook from the beginning.

    elasticwaistbandlady’s last blog post..From The ‘Cheez-Its, How Many Blogs Can One Woman Possibly Have?’ Files

  21. 21 Daisy the Curly Cat

    I was certain Archuleta was going to win, but I’m glad that David Cook won. I’m not sure I would have missed any of Top Chef for it!

    Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Shoes

  22. 22 Jeff

    I’m so lame I didn’t even see one episode this year. I still haven’t watched all the Star Search episodes I have recorded on VCR.

  23. 23 JD

    elasticwaistbandlady: Yeah, he was humble and seemed really sincere. Sniff. Your girls sound pretty smart to me.

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Whee! Another Top Chef fan. I’m very happy to welcome you to my site (and my cat Gus is even happier—he has a huge crush on Daisy).

    Jeff: Oh, you’re not so lame, you’re . . . wait a minute. I sense you’re making fun of Star Search! Also VCRs! You’re a sneaky one.

  24. 24 Regan

    Mmmm… Top Chef. Mmmm… cookies. *Gasp* Know what’s weird? David COOK delayed the start of Top CHEF. OMG A SIGN!

  25. 25 ettarose

    AI really sucks butter beans through a garden hose. The only part I watch is the rejects at the start of the season. Now Gordan Ramsey I would never ever miss. Top Chef ROCKS! I will have to admit I heard the song Billie Jean and swooned I swear. That was the best for me.

    ettarose’s last blog post..Now Women Know Why Men Have Beer Bellies

  26. 26 JD

    Regan: OH MY GOSH! You are onto something here. There’s a major conspiracy afoot, and we’ve got to get to the bottom of it. BUT WHAT COULD IT MEAN???

    ettarose Wow, that’s quite a negative reaction! And I appreciate your refreshing honesty about enjoying watching the rejects. Me too! Are you talking about Cookie’s version of Billie Jean? I thought that was pretty good myself. A helluva lot better than butter beans, anyway.

  27. 27 Jillian

    I started out being really into this season and just like that… I stopped caring. THANK YOU for picking up my slack! Seriously. Also, if you’re interested (and I know you get this a lot) there is laundry to be done and a few meals to cook.

    Thanks!

    I hated Cook at first, too. I’m still not sure if I like him, but good for him nonetheless.

    Jillian’s last blog post..Natural Flotation Devices or “Big Ole Titties”

  28. 28 JD

    Jillian: It’s easy to just stop caring. I wish it was just as easy for me to just stop watching.

    And if you thought there was a line of people waiting to stab you, you oughtta see the dirty laundry line!

    WELCOME!

  29. 29 Erika

    Thanks for the post and the reminder of how amazing that night actually was! I cried my eyes out and I still have a copy of this picture up on my wall. Don’t get me wrong- I am not a crazed fan- it’s just so inspirational and moving that it gives me the hope that my dreams can come true too. Also, just the fact that little David didn’t win (despite the fact that it looked like he was going to) was enough cause to celebrate!

    Erika’s last blog post..Top Ten Weight Loss Tips

  30. 30 JD

    Erika: HA! We are on the same wavelength, for sure. No, I’m not a crazed fan, either, but I do get a lump in my throat every time a winner is announced. And this time was the most emotional since my beloved Kelly Clarkson won first season.

    SOBS!

  31. 31 Owen Bailey

    Laughing is the best medicine haha

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