She knows how to please me,
All she’s gotta do is tease me
Hello. You know those cooking/food blogs that show a photo of every single step of the recipe in stunning detail? First there’s a picture of an egg in its carton. Then the glistening egg on a plate. Then the egg being cracked into a bowl. Then the egg being briskly whisked. Then the eggshell in the wastebasket. And so on. The Pioneer Woman Cooks! is an excellent example. The photography is always fantastic, and the ingredients and finished product always look so good. So, I figured I’d better get cooking (snerk!) and give you a taste (har!) of JD Cookery 101.
But first, let us go back in time a bit. It all started with rice balls. Have you ever eaten arancini, or, in the language of American, “rice ball”?
A rice ball is basically rice mixed with cheese, cream, butter, and spices, then breaded and deep-fried. I found them at Whole Foods when I was looking for something to bring to dinner at a friend’s house. My friend (who shall be referred to here by her nickname, Schmuckie) usually eats pretty healthy, so I figured, what’s not healthy about fried, breaded cheesy rice? I brought 4, thinking, two for each (they’re about the size of a Hostess SnoBall). But Schmuckie, who isn’t a pig like me, could barely eat one, and—to my horror—actually offered one of the precious rice balls to her son! There was one left, which I eyed longingly all night. Sadly, I left the solitary rice ball behind.
The next day I got an e-mail from Schmuckie: “I ate the last rice ball so you don’t have to.” HA! Good ol’ Schmuckie. She does love her rice balls.
ANYway, this is all by way of introducing the fact that I went back to Whole Foods recently on a rice ball mission. As I scanned the display, I saw a heaping platter, filled with those familiar golden brown balls of deliciousness. But wait. The label didn’t say “Arancini” or even its American counterpart “Rice Balls.” It said:
“Mac & Cheese Croquettes”
YESSSS! Oh, man. Someone took a handful of macaroni and cheese, rolled it in breading, and fried it! Leave it to Whole Foods, that paragon of healthy eating and organic produce to come up with this brilliant idea.
And now, abruptly, for the cooking portion of this blog (with stunning photos!):
Although paper plates are not aesthetically pleasing, they are more than capable of handling the greasy imprint of up to two macaroni balls.
O
To ensure the balls are fully heated, simply cut in half. Gaze lovingly at the cheesy macaroni insides for a second.
O
Uh, this next one didn’t turn out so good. After about 60 seconds on high, the insides should be melty but not totally oozing out all over the place.
O
Serve plain or with your favorite condiment. I like Hog’s Breath Jalapeno Pepper Sauce.
O
Hmmm. Seems like there should be more steps. Where’s the eggshell?
Um . . . and, voila?
Phew! That concludes the cooking portion of this blog. Next time, on JD Cookery 101, those microwave hot dogs that already come with a bun!
Bon appetit!
_________________________
No fried foods allowed at humor-blogs.
25 Comments
Right now I’m weeping for the poor, poor grains of rice and how painful life must be without their balls.
I saw you on humor-blogs and lo and behold, you are actually humorous! That rarely happens these days. *smoooooch*
elasticwaistbandlady’s last blog post..My Bologna Has A First Name……. And So Does My Feminine Hygiene Product!
Pioneer Woman takes pretty pictures of the pretty ponies and pretty kiddies, but she don’t make me laugh. I choose funny over photography skillz.
elasticwaistbandlady’s last blog post..My Bologna Has A First Name……. And So Does My Feminine Hygiene Product!
elasticwaistbandlady: Wow! Thank you so much. You have made my month. Here’s a big, healthy, girly *SMOOOOOOCH* right back at ya.
(those are some tiny balls, let me tell you)
JD’s last blog post..I Cook Things so you don’t have to
Wow my arteries started hardening as I read about all that cheese! Actually rice balls sound delicious and I am now inspired to go look them up on the internet tubes and find a recipe. We love rice here at Chez Windyridge
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Elastic is right! You are very funny! I had the arancini once as an appetizer! I too am of healthy eating. We brought an order of them home for the next day and they delicious.
The sell them already made you say?
MMMMMMMM
Bee’s last blog post..To the jag that splatted the mac, I still know your plates!
I love quick, easy, yummy meal ideas! These look great! I have 3 kids that love Mac n Cheese – they would love these! The less I’m in the kitchen the better.
I want those. And I want them covered in more cheese, and I wouldn’t object to them being wrapped completely with bacon.
Of course, there is no Whole Foods in my area. I hate you for bringing these to my attention.
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windyridge: Yeah, I love rice, too. I think I actually preferred the rice balls to the macaroni balls, tho both were artery-clogging treats. Add cheese to rice? Instant success.
Bee! Aw, you’re so nice. Welcome to my blog. The only place I’ve seen them already made is at Whole Foods. They are probably not that hard to make; maybe some day I’ll do a real arancini recipe on my blog.
Lisa Lisa: Oh, your kids will LOVE these. Mac and Cheese they can pick up and eat. Or throw at each other. Either way.
Kathy! I knew you’d like the sound of these. I can see an endless layering of cheese, bacon, breading, cheese, bacon . . . until you’ve got a macaroni ball the size of Pluto. Delicious Pluto.
JD’s last blog post..I Cook Things so you don’t have to
I would eat those mac and cheese balls, mac and cheese is my favorite.
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Natural Woman: I know, right? Who doesn’t like mac & cheese? In any form, it is the best. My favorite version is with cut-up hot dogs mixed in.
JD’s last blog post..I Cook Things so you don’t have to
Reminds me of the only thing that, if I was God, would prevent me from pouring out my wrath upon the state of Delaware: No Ordinary Joe’s restaurant on Kirkwood Highway, which has breaded and delicately fried mac and cheese served piping hot and crispy with a bit of marinara for dipping.
Shieldmaiden96’s last blog post..Stars on 45 and other Random Thoughts
Those look reallyyyyyy good. I tried something like that at TGI Friday’s. It was pretty yummy…..
Shieldmaiden96: Well, well. We’re going to have to hear some more about this little problem you have with Delaware. In the meantime, YES! A marinara sauce for dipping would be PERfect.
Regan: I’ve heard about the TGI Friday’s ones, but have never had them. I think these would be easy to make; you’d have to add the right seasonings to keep them from being bland. And, as your genius aunt Kathy suggested, plenty of bacon.
JD’s last blog post..I Cook Things so you don’t have to
LOL Too funny! Ok, the rice balls I wanna try…the mac n cheez ones, not so much. hehe
But your photographic editorial along the way was VERY nice. lol
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Lori: I have to admit a preference for the rice balls, myself. Thanks for the kind words. My photos are somewhat lacking, tho!
JD’s last blog post..I Give Out FABulous Prizes so you don’t have to
Please don’t also eat so I don’t need to !!!
G@ttoGiallo: I saved you a bite!
JD’s last blog post..I Give Out FABulous Prizes so you don’t have to
Yummm!! I am going to make some of those with my kids. (It’s a good thing I already know how to cook…Your directions are a little lacking… Buy, heat, eat.
) I will stop making broccoli and cheese croquettes now… It’s Mac and cheese all the way!
Cindy Lietz, The Polymer Clay Girl’s last blog post..Sanding Polymer Clay Beads. How to Make ‘em Shine!
Cindy: Maybe you can send me your recipe? Those broccoli and cheese ones sound good, too. I bet these will be fun to make with your kids.
JD’s last blog post..I Announce the Winners of the Vocabulary Skillzzz Contest! so you don’t have to
Looks so good, I just wish you didn’t take pictures on the paper plates as it doesn’t look so appealing. I bet this would taste really good with Sriracha!
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Lisa: Yeah, I need to work on presentation. I was hoping the deliciousness of the food would outshine my tableware. Oooh, Sriracha . . . I have some!
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I like the label for the meltedness. It isn’t a real word, but that doesnt matter because it should be. in fact it is now!
art brighton’s last blog post..Madame Geisha
art brighton: Yes, it IS a word now! Once it appears on a blog, you can’t argue with a word’s realitude.