What the hell am I supposed to do with these?
Before you answer, let me share a seemingly unrelated anecdote.
In her later years, my great-aunt Mil lived in a nursing home. This was no fun for anyone, least of all her. We tried to cheer her up with bakery cookies—you know the kind: the tiny buttery ones with multicolored sprinkles. She loved those cookies and was reluctant to share them. Sometimes we had to get a little rough.
Then one day she received a package containing a very fancy-looking tin of cookies. They were lemon and powdery and completely sprinkle-free. Great-Aunt Mil removed the tray of cookies, looked at them with skepticism, and asked tremulously, “Are these to be eaten?”
Well, that, essentially, is my question to you, regarding this bowl of cherries. They’re red and shiny and round and pretty. But are they to be eaten? I put one in my mouth and I’m pretty sure the answer is “no.”
So, what the hell am I supposed to do with them? They’re obviously not edible. Are they to be cat toys? Are they to be given to my neighbors who are already stealing my tomatoes? Are they to be frozen, shellacked, and made into some sort of Christmas ornament? Are they to be thrown out even tho I paid $5 for them at a farmers market because for one crazy minute I thought I actually liked cherries?
Can someone please tell me???
Coming in August:
- I Get a Colonoscopy so you don’t have to (possibly with exciting video!)
- I Go to Toronto so you don’t have to
- I . . . something about Zombies so you don’t have to