It’s Bumpits! The famous as-seen-on-TV “hair volumizing leave-in inserts!
(Careful. When you visit the Bumpits site, a loud voice tells you that “Bumpits is PUMPING UP the volume!” That may be your cue to turn your volume off.)
Anyway, for the two of you who haven’t heard about this fashion trend, Bumpits is a curvey comb device that allows your hair to “go from flat to fabulous in seconds!”
What the hell does that mean? Well, you know how those ladies from the ’60s had those big hair-bumps? That look was attained through lots of teasing and hairspray. With Bumpits, you can forget about the teasing (but not the hairspray . . . or the teasing, now that I read the fine print).
Basically you stick one of these Bumpits (3 sizes and four colors!) into the back of your head, comb your hair over it, and layer your hair with an inch-thick coat of hairspray. Cool!
The coolest part? I bought a Bumpits.
Seriously! I shelled out $10 for a freaking Bumpits, JUST to try it out for YOU (and me). Because I know you’re not gonna go out and buy a Bumpits. It’s just too embarrassing.
It’s WAY too embarrassing to buy JUST a Bumpits. Get some chocolate and muscle relaxers too.
This smiling model shows you the “before” (FLAT!) and “after” (FABULOUS!)
Behold the Bumpits! You also get a how-to brochure and a stylin’ comb!
(Look at that mini-Bumpit. Who would use that? Seriously, it’s the size of an infant’s pinkie cut in half.)
Anyway, enough of this silliness. I know what you want. And here it comes.
JD: Before Bumpits
“JD! What’s wrong? You look so sad . . . and flat-headed.”
“I wish I had one of those cool hair-bumps like you see on movie stars.”
“Is that why you look so blurry?”
“No, I was just Photoshopping out my wrinkles.”
JD: After Bumpits
WOW! My new Bumpits has changed my whole appearance. I’m happier and more lipsticky! It’s kinda of hard to see the hair-bump, tho. I played around a bit more . . .
JD: Not Quite Getting the Bumpits
I see London
I see France
I see JD’s Bumpits . . . pants?
Yeah. Despite my weirdly artificial smile, it’s almost impossible to fix your hair so the Bumpits doesn’t show.
Finally . . .
JD: After Bumpits and a Little Help
Voila? OK, I’ll admit. It took some extra pins, rope, and Krazy Glue to create the hair-bump of my dreamz. I don’t know WHAT it looked like from behind. Also it fell over immediately after I took this photo.
Bumpits: Yea or Nay?
I’m sorry. It’s a “nay.” It was too hard to get the comb in place AND to get the hair to cover it. And I have a lot of hair.
The insert never felt very secure, either. How embarrassing would it be to have your Bumpits fall out at a fancy party? “Oh, that’s just a barrette,” you’d nervously say, trying to shove it into your purse. “NO IT’S NOT IT’S A BUMPITS!” everyone would shriek, and BANG! now you’re a pariah AND your hair is flat AND you know what else?
I can’t read the word “bumpits” without thinking of a bum’s armpits.
Oh, well. At least I have a free comb.
Beehive came from here