For the second night in a row since returning from vacation, I left Dave a note saying I’d gone to bed already. At 6:30.
“Another early night, eh?” he said the next morning.
“Yup. Still catching up, I guess.”
“Catching up from what? You were in a reclining position the entire week.”
“I had to walk to the bathroom!”
“You slept 12 hours a night. And took naps every day.”
“It wasn’t quality sleep!”
“. . .”
But our Jamaican vacation wasn’t ALL sleep. From my travel journal, I give you:
(and some helpful green headings)
- It’s a weird feeling to awaken from a sound sleep at 3:15 AM and take a tranquilizer an hour later in order to board a plane.
- D did the Web check-in and got my birthday wrong. The baggage check lady was all, “Oh, no, you di’in’t!”
- “SECURITY CHECK!” My carry-on bag got pulled off the conveyor belt! How exciting! My too-large lotion was confiscated and my bag of cookies was held up and commented on (“Cookies?”), but my TENS unit? No one even noticed it.
- My Nanny Goats pen came apart in 3 pieces, fell onto floor, and I was still able to put it back together. STONED!
- Slept really well until awakened by a screaming baby placed at my ear. Looked up to see an inordinate number of people parading babies up and down the aisle. Not just walking, but pausing and looking meaningfully at various passengers, as if they might wish to comment on their infant. I did not. One woman said to her baby, “No biting, just kissing.” I wonder if that’s one of those lizard babies.
- Changed into shorts in the plane bathroom. Challenging!
Everyone drinks on the bus from the airport.
View from our patio doors.
- Our clock from home immediately went haywire as soon as we plugged it in. Since the room clock was impossible to read, I gathered that was a sign that we were to pay no attention to time.
- I feel fat. Wore my BlogHer outfit to dinner, and I swear, it’s tighter now than it was then. Had to force D to compliment me.
At the Pool
I did this ONCE, totally accidentally. It really shouldn’t even BE a rule.
- D brought Under the Dome, which elicited many comments due to its size (1,000 pages). “Have you finished that yet?” “Maybe you can leave it here and read a bit every time you come back,” and my favorite, from our friend Jerry: “Dave, I usually try to read smaller books. Large books make my penis look small.”
- Watched naked people play the “Eye and Ear” game, wherein a blindfolded person (the “Ear”) must find ribbons around the pool area, guided by the “Eye.” For some reason, the “Ear” got up on the bar, waving blindly at nothing. The leader of the game cried out in alarm, “Who is watching the Ear? Who is guarding the Ear?” Apparently the Eye had wandered off, leaving the Ear to flail helplessly on her own.
- Played the Jamaica trivia contest. One lively player answered every question with a lusty “GANJA!”
- Participated in the body painting contest. I painted my Sleeping Cat on D’s back, and he painted lame flowers on my boobs. After he’d done only the green center on my nipples, someone asked, “Olives?” We did not win.
The first of 65 coconut rum and pineapple juices for Dave.
I looooved my blueberry compote.
No, I REALLY loooooved it.
- Told D he should try the swirly pastry. “Don’t tempt me. I’ve been eating healthy.” (Healthy = bacon, booze, but no dessert, apparently.)
- Oh, my god. D met a guy who also doesn’t like cake. When they both agreed they preferred pie, this guy’s eyes lit up and he practically screamed “PIE!!!!!!!!!!” And he owns a bakery.
- I ate baby corn! And I liked it! Spent the evening trying to come up with lyrics to the tune of “I Kissed a Girl.” I ate a corn, and I liked it. It was one of those baby ones . . .
- Woman at Japanese restaurant complained her dinner had “too much flavor.” WTF?
Murder and Death
Watched these huge black birds with red heads converging on the beach. They flew in from EVERY direction. Soon there were a million. We stepped closer to investigate, for surely there’s a corpse hidden there in the sand? A security person joined us and explained that these were “John Crow” birds, and YES they always gather around something dead. They weren’t feasting yet, tho, because they were waiting for their leader, who is all white with a red head (COOL!). Later a steamroller dumped a bunch of sand over the area where the rotting corpse had been. OK, that’s one way to deal with it. This was the most fascinating thing to happen except for the show about the Sphinx we watched last night.
We Love It Here
- D came up with a really awesome plan to stay on the resort forever: sleep on the beach, eat garbage, and hide in the bushes. “We’ll call it ‘Naked on the Run’.” Not sure if this is a plan or a movie pitch.
- We passed a new group of guests on their orientation tour right on border of the nude/prude side. As we passed into the nude side, I tore off my dress (no underwear). It is little things like this that make me so awesome.
- Made the mistake of taking a few sips of D’s rum and pineapple juice (on Vikes). Passed out on beach. Woke up 3 hours later, staggered to bar area, demanding ice cream, but there was none to be had.
Preparing for the Friday night street party.
I came across this at around 6 AM and thought it was some kind of terrifying tropical bird. (It’s not.)
“Authentic” fare at the Reggae Cafe.
This cracks us up every year. Because we are five. At least the American and German people will know where to go for medical help. Frenchies? You’re on your own!
View from the treadmill inside the gym. I wasn’t ON the treadmill; I just ran in, took the photo, and ran out.
View from our bathroom window. I loved to stand in the shower and spy on people walking by.
Started out fairly healthy. Look! A banana!
OK, breakfast potatoes are totally healthy.
Is this a beautiful photo or what? Look at those tender young peas. So photogenic!
Mmmm. Here we have jerk chicken with salad and mixed vegetables.
Yay! Saturday is Taco Day!
Oh, just a cup of soup for me. (HA! This was the first of about 35 courses.)
I do love the salad-potato combo.
Tons of salad, vegetables, baked potato, and a tiny, humble bit of chicken.
This was Dave’s. He swears the cheeseburgers (in paradise) are delicious.
See all the photos HERE!
Coming up next on I Do Things: VIDEOS! (maybe)
John Crow bird came from here