I Blew the Nostril in Jamaica

Everything was plentiful
at the buffet
Raise your fork
and something’s always there

john-crow-bird

For the second night in a row since returning from vacation, I left Dave a note saying I’d gone to bed already. At 6:30.

“Another early night, eh?” he said the next morning.

“Yup. Still catching up, I guess.”

“Catching up from what? You were in a reclining position the entire week.”

“I had to walk to the bathroom!”

“You slept 12 hours a night. And took naps every day.”

“It wasn’t quality sleep!”

“You snored.”

“. . .”

But our Jamaican vacation wasn’t ALL sleep. From my travel journal, I give you:

BULLETED TIDBITS!

WITH PHOTOS!

(and some helpful green headings)

Getting There

  • It’s a weird feeling to awaken from a sound sleep at 3:15 AM and take a tranquilizer an hour later in order to board a plane.
  • D did the Web check-in and got my birthday wrong. The baggage check lady was all, “Oh, no, you di’in’t!”
  • “SECURITY CHECK!” My carry-on bag got pulled off the conveyor belt! How exciting! My too-large lotion was confiscated and my bag of cookies was held up and commented on (“Cookies?”), but my TENS unit? No one even noticed it.
  • My Nanny Goats pen came apart in 3 pieces, fell onto floor, and I was still able to put it back together. STONED!
  • Slept really well until awakened by a screaming baby placed at my ear. Looked up to see an inordinate number of people parading babies up and down the aisle. Not just walking, but pausing and looking meaningfully at various passengers, as if they might wish to comment on their infant. I did not. One woman said to her baby, “No biting, just kissing.” I wonder if that’s one of those lizard babies.
  • Changed into shorts in the plane bathroom. Challenging!

We Arrive

Red Stripe on the bus

Everyone drinks on the bus from the airport.

town square

Town square.

patio doors and view

View from our patio doors.

  • Our clock from home immediately went haywire as soon as we plugged it in. Since the room clock was impossible to read, I gathered that was a sign that we were to pay no attention to time.
  • I feel fat. Wore my BlogHer outfit to dinner, and I swear, it’s tighter now than it was then. Had to force D to compliment me.

At the Pool

J and D by pool in robe (Jerry)

pool rules

I did this ONCE, totally accidentally. It really shouldn’t even BE a rule.

nude pool and swimup bar early AM

  • D brought Under the Dome, which elicited many comments due to its size (1,000 pages). “Have you finished that yet?” “Maybe you can leave it here and read a bit every time you come back,” and my favorite, from our friend Jerry: “Dave, I usually try to read smaller books. Large books make my penis look small.”
  • Watched naked people play the “Eye and Ear” game, wherein a blindfolded person (the “Ear”) must find ribbons around the pool area, guided by the “Eye.” For some reason, the “Ear” got up on the bar, waving blindly at nothing. The leader of the game cried out in alarm, “Who is watching the Ear? Who is guarding the Ear?” Apparently the Eye had wandered off, leaving the Ear to flail helplessly on her own.
  • Played the Jamaica trivia contest. One lively player answered every question with a lusty “GANJA!”
  • Participated in the body painting contest. I painted my Sleeping Cat on D’s back, and he painted lame flowers on my boobs. After he’d done only the green center on my nipples, someone asked, “Olives?” We did not win.

sleeping cat from body painting contest

The Food

coconut rum and pineapple juice

The first of 65 coconut rum and pineapple juices for Dave.

pancakes and blueberry compote_2

I looooved my blueberry compote.

pancakes and blueberry compote

No, I REALLY loooooved it.

  • Told D he should try the swirly pastry. “Don’t tempt me. I’ve been eating healthy.” (Healthy = bacon, booze, but no dessert, apparently.)
  • Oh, my god. D met a guy who also doesn’t like cake. When they both agreed they preferred pie, this guy’s eyes lit up and he practically screamed “PIE!!!!!!!!!!” And he owns a bakery.
  • I ate baby corn! And I liked it! Spent the evening trying to come up with lyrics to the tune of “I Kissed a Girl.” I ate a corn, and I liked it. It was one of those baby ones . . .
  • Woman at Japanese restaurant complained her dinner had “too much flavor.” WTF?

Murder and Death

Watched these huge black birds with red heads converging on the beach. They flew in from EVERY direction. Soon there were a million. We stepped closer to investigate, for surely there’s a corpse hidden there in the sand? A security person joined us and explained that these were “John Crow” birds, and YES they always gather around something dead. They weren’t feasting yet, tho, because they were waiting for their leader, who is all white with a red head (COOL!). Later a steamroller dumped a bunch of sand over the area where the rotting corpse had been. OK, that’s one way to deal with it. This was the most fascinating thing to happen except for the show about the Sphinx we watched last night.

We Love It Here

D naked with starfish_1

view from patio

  • D came up with a really awesome plan to stay on the resort forever: sleep on the beach, eat garbage, and hide in the bushes. “We’ll call it ‘Naked on the Run’.” Not sure if this is a plan or a movie pitch.
  • We passed a new group of guests on their orientation tour right on border of the nude/prude side. As we passed into the nude side, I tore off my dress (no underwear). It is little things like this that make me so awesome.
  • Made the mistake of taking a few sips of D’s rum and pineapple juice (on Vikes). Passed out on beach. Woke up 3 hours later, staggered to bar area, demanding ice cream, but there was none to be had.

Miscelleanous Photos!

table ready for street party

Preparing for the Friday night street party.

scary golf bag

I came across this at around 6 AM and thought it was some kind of terrifying tropical bird. (It’s not.)

reggae cafe menu

“Authentic” fare at the Reggae Cafe.

krankenstation

This cracks us up every year. Because we are five. At least the American and German people will know where to go for medical help. Frenchies? You’re on your own!

view from treadmill

View from the treadmill inside the gym. I wasn’t ON the treadmill; I just ran in, took the photo, and ran out.

view from bathroom window

View from our bathroom window. I loved to stand in the shower and spy on people walking by.

yogurt, egg on bread, banana, side of pills

Started out fairly healthy. Look! A banana!

yogurt, swirly pastry, potatoes, egg, fruit

OK, breakfast potatoes are totally healthy.

jerk chicken, veggies, potatoes

Is this a beautiful photo or what? Look at those tender young peas. So photogenic!

jerk chicken, veggies, salad

Mmmm. Here we have jerk chicken with salad and mixed vegetables.

taco, potato, and veggies

Yay! Saturday is Taco Day!

soup, bread, and cheese

Oh, just a cup of soup for me. (HA! This was the first of about 35 courses.)

salad, cheese, potatoes

I do love the salad-potato combo.

salad, veggies, coconut chicken, baked potato

Tons of salad, vegetables, baked potato, and a tiny, humble bit of chicken.

cheeseburger, fries, veggies

This was Dave’s. He swears the cheeseburgers (in paradise) are delicious.

See all the photos HERE!

Coming up next on I Do Things: VIDEOS! (maybe)

________________________

John Crow bird came from here

Everything was plentiful
at the buffet
Raise your fork
and something’s always there
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65 Comments


65 Responses to “I Blew the Nostril in Jamaica”

  1. 1 Spot

    Why do you keep furthering my jealousy?? Is this healthy for our relationship?

    It looks amazing. Except for the whole running around naked part. I’m not quite that liberated. And by liberated I totally mean thin. Because if I was thin again, I might never wear clothes which would probably get me into all kinds of trouble. So I stay chubby for the good of society. Your welcome.

    Glad you had an awesome time. Sorry you didn’t get enough sleep. That sucks.

    ♥Spot
    .-= Spot´s last blog ..If you tell the Universe to flip off, it might break your dishwasher. =-.

  2. 2 Shieldmaiden1196

    Question: Are meals nakey also? Because I can totally see how that would be better than scrubbing feebly at one’s chest after baptizing it with salad dressing, followed by a futile Tide to Go Episode.
    .-= Shieldmaiden1196´s last blog ..Mountain Medicine =-.

  3. 3 kathcom

    This place looks great! Did you wear your TENS Unit on the nude beach? My new favorite word is Krankenstation–I’m not sure how I’m going to work it into casual conversation but I’m going to try.
    .-= kathcom´s last blog ..My Problem with Twitter and Facebook =-.

  4. 4 Sharon

    LOL
    .-= Sharon´s last blog ..Golden Globes =-.

  5. 5 Ron

    Ok, I couldn’t stop laughing at this….

    “Dave, I usually try to read smaller books. Large books make my penis look small.” ….

    Bwhahahahahahhahahaha!

    OMG…that was hysterical!

    blow the nostril….I mean, do you even believe someone has to be told that?!?!?

    Hey, the food looks incredible! Especially that cheeseburger!

    Looks like you guys had an awesome time. Enjoyed the photos!
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Standing in My Personal Space =-.

  6. 6 GregoryJ

    thanks for doing this, so i didn’t have to. not.
    it looks gorgeous and so fun.
    that is one ugly bird, after seeing it, i would have mistaken that golf bag also.
    thanks for sharing it all.
    .-= GregoryJ´s last blog ..Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop – Good Advice =-.

  7. 7 Puglette

    what a lovely place! blow the nostril, sounds like some kind of surfing or snowboarding move. i have never seen that in pool rules, but it it a good one!

    did you go anywhere outside the resort? did you travel to any tourist spots? we went to kauai and turned in our rental car with 1150 miles on it, that’s a lot of driving on a 52 mile island! but we did not stay in a lovely resort.
    thank you for sharing!
    hugs,
    puglette
    :o)
    oh…ollie photos are up on the latest post!
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Monday Road Trip =-.

  8. 8 Aine

    I looked at every single one of your photos….I’m stuffed.

    Aine
    .-= Aine´s last blog ..Having no authority. =-.

  9. 9 babs - beetle

    It all looks wonderful – and Dave. You know I really wouldn’t have minded doing this for myself. Except the flying. I’m glad you did that for me. Oh, and the nude bit :)
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..It’s all gone! =-.

  10. 10 Jen @ lifelove'n'wine

    If you want, next year I will do this so you don’t have to. It’s only fair because you do so much for us and all.

    “My Nanny Goats pen came apart in 3 pieces, fell onto floor, and I was still able to put it back together. STONED!” Hahahaha!
    .-= Jen @ lifelove’n'wine´s last blog ..Beer and Boston! =-.

  11. 11 Buggys

    I want to go there and I want to do it now! I need sun and sand, some palm trees and clear blue water. I don’t need to be naked though, so thanks for doing that for me. For the good of eyeballs everywhere, I will remain fully clothed. How much money did you spend on sunscreen?
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Dressing Up! =-.

  12. 12 Stephanie B

    Are you getting a kick-back from this resort, because I’m thinking they should giving you one. You’re really selling this.

    Perhaps it’s because I have kids – something like this seems like a far off dream.
    .-= Stephanie B´s last blog ..Writing Essentials: Characters Part One: Villains that Aren’t Completely Evil Pt. 2 =-.

  13. 13 Bingo

    Amazing pictures! I’d like to be naked on a beach someday. Someday maybe.
    .-= Bingo´s last blog ..Bingo.com 2010 Resolutions Contest Winners =-.

  14. 14 dcr

    So, are you saying you’ve never had baby corn before, or that you’ve never liked baby corn before?
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Ever Considered Opening Your Own Coffee Shop? =-.

  15. 15 ann

    After looking at all your wonderful photos the only thing I can say is “my but D has a big starfish” :)
    .-= ann´s last blog ..Who’s blogging? =-.

  16. 16 Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    I ave so much to say that I don’t know what to say. I’m pretty sure I like your friend (Jerry, was it?) because of his comment about D’s book.

    And all those pictures of food plates were from one meal at the All You Can Buffet, right?

    Oh yeah, and you mentioned my easily reconstituted pen. Can I use that in the ads? The fact that you can easily put it back together while on drugs?

    And if anyone ever “places” a screaming baby at my ear, I will place “something” at their “something”.

    Welcome home, dahlink!
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Retro Desserts: There’s a Cake For That =-.

  17. 17 Heather

    Nice pics and thanks for more laughs!
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Let’s all BE Emotional Creatures =-.

  18. 18 meleah rebeccah

    Your trip looks like it was totally fantastic. I would give just about anything to be on an island right about now!

    This made me laugh out loud:

    (Healthy = bacon, booze, but no dessert, apparently.)”

    Ahahahhahahah.
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Everyone Needs A Little Evelyn! =-.

  19. 19 absepa

    As I was reading your post, the weather-thingy in the corner of my screen said:

    Fri 32
    Sat 26
    Sun 25

    Thanks for sharing a bit of the sun! Just looking at your photos made me feel better (and kind of hungry). I would have thought that golf bag was a bird, too. I’m always seeing things in the dark and thinking they’re other things.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..My sanity’s in Jeopardy =-.

  20. 20 Kathy

    There is so much to love about this post! The nude, the food, the stewed!

    I love this “As we passed into the nude side, I tore off my dress (no underwear). It is little things like this that make me so awesome.”

    Yes, yes you are awesome and my hero. I could never dream of doing this, though you keep saying people don’t stare. They would stare at me. All jiggly, scary, put-a-blanket-over-that me.

    Glad you had such a good time. My God, I’d go just for the food. Your pictures are delicious!

  21. 21 Pricilla

    What?! No dessert?!
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Matthew Butt Me! =-.

  22. 22 Lidian

    I love travel stuff and yours is so utterly wonderful – the writing! the pictures! the nostril! Fabulousness.

    Krankenstation is my new fave word. Just imagine: a Frankenstein remake called ‘Krankenstein’ where the monster sits around complaining about his aches and pains all day (‘ugh, I don’t feel so good, everything’s going to pieces!Hey, come back here! Are you even listening?’)
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..Kitten With A Whippie =-.

  23. 23 CatLadyLarew

    Wow… here’s one that I really wish you would have let me do myself!
    .-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..I Love You, Taco Bell… =-.

  24. 24 Muskrat

    If I had a pool, you would never be invited to visit it. Nasty nostril blower.
    .-= Muskrat´s last blog ..my spoiler-free review of costa rica (i.e., part 2) =-.

  25. 25 Carissajaded

    Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh. I still can’t get over the fact that there was a rule about not blowing your nose in the pool!!!! I mean, when you get in a pool, and water gets up in your shiz… doesn’t snot just come out? At least for me it does!! I would have broken that rule at least 10 times. And I probably would have peed too. What?
    .-= Carissajaded´s last blog ..Post it notes and Good friends are hard to find. =-.

  26. 26 Daisy

    “…no person shall urinate, defecate, spout water from the lips, or blow the nostril in the swimming pool or deck”? Gosh, they are very strict! It must have been hard to have a good time in the pool with all those rules.
    .-= Daisy´s last blog ..Fashion Friday: It’s Harley in the ‘Hood! =-.

  27. 27 Jay

    “After he’d done only the green center on my nipples, someone asked, “Olives?” We did not win”

    Hahahaha!! This post was such fun! I needed fun today.

    I have linked to your blog and stolen your idea (again). I hope you don’t mind, but it was such a perfect opportunity! Tee hee.
    .-= Jay´s last blog ..I had global temporary amnesia so JD doesn’t have to =-.

  28. 28 moooooog35

    I’m hoping the starfish in that photo is just an exaggeration and that your husband’s penis doesn’t actually break off and fly in 5 different directions.

    Although that would be pretty friggin awesome.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Doggone Excuses =-.

  29. 29 Anna Lefler

    That’s it – I’m putting a “No Biting – Just Kissing” Post-it on my shirt today.

    Oh, and a “No Peering Babies” one, too.

    Because some people need guidance.

    :-D Anna

  30. 30 JD

    Spot: I’m sorry. From now on I’ll only post about the sad aspects of my life (See: Bumpits, Braunschweiger, Buying a Door for examples). Believe me, at this resort, “liberated” and “thin” are not mutually exclusive. Hopefully I’ll get more sleep next time.

    Shieldmaiden 1196: You CAN eat naked, but I prefer (tho Dave doesn’t) throwing on some clothes for the main restaurants. But you make a good point. The few times I did give in and eat at the “naked buffet,” I got barbecue sauce on my stomach. No problemo!

    kathcom: Oh, it’s SO easy working “Krankenstation” into conversation. Just say it with confidence (and loudly) and people will nod slowly, as if they understand. No TENS unit on the beach, I’m afraid. I had to take a few “TENS breaks” in the room. It’s just not seemly to walk around naked with an electronic device strapped around your waist.

    Sharon: Yes.

    Ron: I KNOW! That was my favorite part of the whole vacation. I only regret I wasn’t actually there to hear him say that. Jerry had tons of other such “witticisms.” He’s hilarious.

    Gregory J: HAR! So it WAS a bird. I just hope it wasn’t the leader of the John Crow birds. It might have eaten me.

    Puglette: You’re right! I think cardiogirl and her made-up “Sweep the Leg” may have some competition here. No, we stayed on the resort. One of these years we may venture off into the “real” Jamaica. I know there are some beautiful spots.

    Aine: Hee! I wish I had my own personal buffet. Nothing here sounds appetizing. Like, there’s no blueberry compote in my kitchen. BLEAH!

    babs – beetle: I’m not going to tell Dave you said that. He’s already a little full of himself (and his starfish). I don’t even know what that means. Next time you can do it yourself: fully clothed, and you can take a boat.

    Jen @ lifelove’n'wine: OK, agreed. I’ll stay home and shovel snow. That DOES seem fair. I hope it didn’t sound like Nanny Goats’ pens are shoddily made. They are NOT! It just came unscrewed, as pens are wont to do.

    Buggys: I think we brought about 12 or 15 bottles of sunscreen, all of varying levels. (I was down to 4 by the end). I wish I could bring EVERYone with me. And you don’t even have to be nekkid.

    Stephanie B: I know, right?! It’s NOT a far-off dream. We meet MANY parents there. Of course, they might be a bit older than you. Uh . . . a lot older, actually.

    Bingo: Someday, indeed. Thank you!

    dcr: I think I tried baby corn a long time ago and didn’t like it. And then over the years, my hatred grew into unimaginable proportions. So it was kind of a big deal. In most circumstances, I would’ve left it on the plate, but this was at one of those Benihana-type places, and I knew the chef would yell at me.

    ann: HA! I’ll be sure to tell him. Actually, no, I won’t. He already knows.

    Margaret (Nanny Goats): I hope you don’t think I was implying that your pens were cheaply made. But yes, it was AMAZINGLY easy to reassemble, considering the springy part had almost rolled under the seat and I had to bend unnaturally to get it. STONED! I wish I’d thought to place “something” at that lady’s “something.” You would LOVE Jerry. He’s the best.

    Heather: Thank YOU!

    meleah rebeccah: Yeah. Dave definitely has his own “healthy” diet plan. The fact that there was unlimited bacon helped him achieve his dietary goals.

    absepa: HI ABSEPA! I think you should remove that weather thingy. At least until spring. Or maybe summer. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought the golf bag was a bird. I was seriously frightened.

    Kathy: Oh, thank you. I’m stealing “the nude, the food, the stewed,” by the way. Now, remember, that group of people were behind me when I tore off my dress, so they totally could’ve been laughing or vomiting. But, yeah, on the nudie side, people neither stare nor care. It’s actually very refreshing.

    Pricilla: I posted my dessert pics on the previous blog post! I should’ve taken more. At times, I had forgotten my camera, and I was tempted to take my plate back to my room to snap it.

    Lidian: Oh, thank you. It’s hard not to write a great-ish post with material like this. I’m listening – and I LOVE it! That’s totally the type of project we need to work on together. I’m thinking a musical?

    CatLadyLarew: I wish I could have. But Dave is so selfish. He would only agree to let me come. And only if I applied sunscreen to his mid-back.

    Muskrat: Sobs I know! It’s a filthy habit. But sometimes it’s necessary. Surely you don’t expect me to keep that stuff in my nose, do you?

    Carissajaded: EXACTLY! (see above). Your peeing confession has been immortalized on my blog. You can’t ever detract it.

    Daisy: I know! It’s like the freaking Ten Commandments. I’m surprised we were even allowed to splash.

    Jay: Oh, good. I’m glad you got a laugh out of my olives. I NEVER mind people linking to me, stealing from me, or using my trademarked “I Do Things” phrase. As long as you pay the appropriate royalties.

    moooooo35: Great. The secret to my husband’s magical breaking and flying penis has been revealed.

    Anna Lefler:

  31. 31 Regan

    Oh. I definitely like cake better. Although pie is also delicious.
    Now that you mentioned the eating baby corn to the tune of “I Kissed A Girl”, I have to make a song for this.

  32. 32 Lola

    Oh you are so mean. Photos of the food AND the beverages.

    I’m surprised you weren’t tackled to the ground for your TENS unit. I mean, you could have stuck those babies on a flight attendant, plugged it in, cranked it to the highest setting and threatened to throw a glass of water on her and then hijacked the plane to…wait a minute, you were already going to Jamaica, so where the heck would you want to hijack it to? I guess maybe that’s why they didn’t tackle you to the ground. Yeah, that makes sense now. But the too big bottle of lotion? Now that IS dangerous!
    .-= Lola´s last blog ..Hey! Ask Me A Question! Please? =-.

  33. 33 Lauren

    Great photos!

    Did you stay at Couples San Souci in Ocho Rios? That’s where my husband and I stayed in August for our 25th anniversary. Hung out (and I’m sure you know what I mean) at the nude beach for most of the trip. Played a drinking game with 5 dudes and one gal in the pool while my husband watched. Kinky I know. There was also a raft involved.

    Your pictures bring back so many great memories. I’ve got a really cool body painting picture of my own. “It was a masterpiece,” all the nudists said. Just to clarify, it was on my back .

    Speaking of backs. All I want to do is lay back, put my feet up, and throw back a couple of Red Stripe beers.

    Welcome back!
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..WTF Friday: Golf Lessons – Tiger’s Bawdy Bogies. =-.

  34. 34 David

    Oh, I loved every moment, every word of this. I hate to travel, so I really enjoy hearing about other people’s vacations, especially when they involve lots of food that I can be envious of.
    .-= David´s last blog ..In Which a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words =-.

  35. 35 Jen

    This is actually one of those kinds of things I would rather do myself. I appreciate that you did it for me but I am sure I could do this. It looks like you guys had a really great time even if you did contaminate the pool and Dave worried about having a small penis.

  36. 36 Surfie

    I almost spouted water from the lips reading this. (Wait, does that mean no playing water fountain with the pool water, or no spitting? Because I didn’t almost spit.) All that food looked yummy. Mmmm…
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..It’s Back! =-.

  37. 37 Katie

    I’m so happy that you came back with FOOD pictures!!! That’s the important stuff. Also, there is no such thing as “too much flavor” – that lady was weird (and wrong). Aaand I love baby corn – I hope you come up with some lyrics for that song about it, it sounds like a future hit to me. ;-)

  38. 38 Will

    Like many others here have hinted, next year ask first. Someone may volunteer to go to Jamaica so you don’t have to.

    “Olives”? Not sure I completely understand. Maybe a photo in your next post would help?
    .-= Will´s last blog ..Think Beyond Organic to Ethical Milk =-.

  39. 39 JD

    Regan: Let me know when you’ve come up with the baby corn song. We can probably do a duet. We’ll be bigger than Miley Cyrus!

    Lola: HAHAHA! I’m surprised, too, that the TENS unit didn’t raise an eyebrow. If you don’t know what it’s for, it could look like a bomb. Next time I’m flying somewhere less appealing than Jamaica, I’ll remember your hijacking plan.

    Lauren: Oooh, a raft! And now I wanna see the photos of your painted back! We stayed at what used to be called Grand Lido Braco and has since been bought by Breezes. It has a nudist side and a “prudist” side, and we stay on the nude side. All nude, all the time! Thanks for the nice comment!

    David: See, I KNEW someone would appreciate all those food pictures I took, even as the other guests stared and the employees made comments. It was all worth it to make you happy.

    Jen: You know, when I do things, it’s ALWAYS optional; you may choose to do any of the thing as well. I’m here, just in case. For example, you may not want to contaminate the pool.

    Surfie: I don’t even know what it means. No blowing your nose in the pool? No snorting up water and then snorting it back out? Eh, whatever. It’s not like there’s a lifeguard there.

    Katie: Thank you! As I said above, I knew there would be at least a few people who would appreciate all the food pictures, even if I did feel a bit self-conscious whipping out my camera in the buffet line. Maybe YOU should write the baby corn song. You’re the vegetable lover! (Tho I love them too.)

    Will: Uh, I think you’re just gonna have to trust me on the “Olives” part. Or perhaps it’s best left forgotten.

  40. 40 tattytiara

    I want a reggae hot dog! I think. Does it come with reggae mustard?
    .-= tattytiara´s last blog ..Did you even read this title? =-.

  41. 41 Kathryn

    So, I can only assume that any vacation couples you travel with TRULY know you (*cough!*) intimately….and I would further imagine that anyone you even casually have a dialogue with could be considered by the people back home to be your “friend”…if for no other reason than the fact that they could identify you in a lineup minus the face.

    It looks like you had the best of times…the weather looks beautiful, the colors are so vibrant, they actually hurt my eyes!

    I’d like to know more about the dead body on the shoreline, though…you kinda glossed over that one. Is it still under police investigation?

    I also noticed there’s no “#” where the maximum capacity should be on that pool sign…possibly it can hold more ppl if there’s no swimsuits?

    Wonderful post, sweetie! I almost feel like I was right there with you…minus the nudity, the warm sun, the tropical drinks, the marvelous cuisine and the endless breasts & butts….
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Restrictions Apply =-.

  42. 42 V

    and this is why i refuse to get into pools. you never hear anyone yell i’m going to the bathroom. they just go silent and do it in the pool.

    8 straight hours in the pool and nobody has to pee!!!!

    cool drawing and darn that star fish! i checked out your other photos.

    looks like you 2 had a grand time. enjoyed the pics.

  43. 43 Jeff

    Dave… OUCH! That’s the nastiest case of crabs I’ve ever seen.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..And if we’re lucky, Debby Harry and Robin Leach may show up! =-.

  44. 44 Video Guy

    I just can’t but wonder , is that snail safe there?
    .-= Video Guy´s last blog ..New Generation Video Marketing =-.

  45. 45 Katherine

    I couldn’t help but notice that you posted a picture of D’s back, all adorned with your Sleeping Cat picture…but you neglected to show us your olive flowers. They must’ve really sucked.

    Oh well. GANJA!! xx
    .-= Katherine´s last blog ..Ol’ Saggy Britches =-.

  46. 46 Jewelz

    Awesome photos, the hotel looks absolutely gorgeous!

    I’m currently writing this from my hotel room in San Juan, Puerto Rico and have the sudden urge to run around nakey on the beach. Too bad my hotel is prude and won’t allow it :(

    Oh and your food pics made me hungryyyy..yum! You eat way healthier than me.
    .-= Jewelz´s last blog ..A Closet Geek =-.

  47. 47 LJ

    You’re gonna have to cut me some slack here as I ask a potentially dumb question – remember – I’m new to “I Do Things …” My question is: Was this a clothing-optional kind of resort in Jamaica? Or maybe I should say = check your clothes at the door – kind of resort?
    Just curious, and a little naive in the ways of “I Do Things ….”.

    P.S. Yes, the food looked deelish!
    .-= LJ´s last blog ..Blogging Does Not An Author Make =-.

  48. 48 JD

    tattytiara: Mmmm. Reggae dog. Maybe it comes with GANJA!

    Kathryn: Good point about there being no maximum number of bodies in the pool. But then, there was no lifeguard, so I guess they only cared about blowing the nostril. Oh, everyone’s friends at an au naturel resort! Except for whoever got killed. I provided the only details I know. Had that steamroller not come and covered everything up, this might’ve been a very different post . . .

    V: Thanks. I wish I had your photo skills. But it’s hard not to take at last a few good ones with that subject matter (I’m talking about Dave, of course).

    Jeff: HAHAHAHA! Poor Dave. I should’ve used the snail again. He’s still scratching.

    Video Guy: I don’t know what snail you’re referring to. Perhaps the starfish?

    Katherine: Believe me, they did. They looked like a fifth-grader did them, which is a disturbing thought. I also had a pink heart . . . down there. Totally innappropriate.

    Jewelz: I ate mainly vegetables, salads, and desserts, so yeah, I guess that’s healthy. And now I’m jealous of YOU, in PR! Go on, run nakey on the beach. Just bring a set of billiard balls.

    LJ: I’m so glad you asked. I’d hate for anyone to be confused. Yes, this resort has a “nudist” side and a “prudist” side. The au naturel side is really ALL NAKED ALL THE TIME, tho you can certainly opt to wear clothes (as I often did — I get sick of being naked for too long). And as long as I’m ‘splaining, we’re not nudists. We just like to swim and frolic on the beach in the nude. We’re not into hanging out with nude families in trailers and playing badminton and such. Hanging out by the pool and lounging on the beach. That’s about the extend of our nude activities. Thanks for asking!

  49. 49 meleah rebeccah

    Unlimited bacon = heaven!!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Stepping Up To The Plate – And, Wherein I Am Awesome =-.

  50. 50 Aine

    I want to share a blogging award with you that I received. You can pick it up over at my blog. Keep doing things so I don’t have to!

    Aine
    http://theevolvingspirit.blogspot.com
    .-= Aine´s last blog ..New Award =-.

  51. 51 Kathy Holiday

    Lol! That picture with a starfish in the center made my eyes popped out! Lol! I can see that you really had a lot of fun in there.. keep it up!! More power to this site! :)
    .-= Kathy Holiday´s last blog ..Holiday Cottage in Cornwall =-.

  52. 52 MomZombie

    So glad to see that Dave was upgraded this year from a lowly clam to a perky starfish. Also, I was wondering why there weren’t any random resort-goers in the background of any of your pictures. Then it hit me … they’d all be wearing shellfish and sea creatures. Awkward!
    Glad you had a nice vacation.
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..How the story ends =-.

  53. 53 LJ

    In reply to you – you can mark this one down as a “I do the naked resort thing, so LJ doesn’t have too :-)”. My hat off to you, or should I say my clothes?! I have neither the bravery or the body for such things.
    .-= LJ´s last blog ..Blogging Does Not An Author Make =-.

  54. 54 Maureen

    Well I guess I can understand the “no defecation” rule, but really do they have to tease you with trying to guess the maximum number of bathers as well as the location of the emergency telephone?

    I mean really.

    Glad to see you had a great time. Hope you didn’t sunburn your olives.
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..A Mosh Pit Of One =-.

  55. 55 Regan

    This was never the way I planned
    But I was hungry
    I got so brave corn in hand
    I had to eat it
    It’s not what I’m used to
    Just wanna take a bite
    I saw you on the menu
    Caught my attention

    I ate baby corn and I liked it
    Tasted just like normal corn
    I ate baby corn just to try it
    I hope normal corn don’t mind it
    It looked so weird
    It tasted right
    Don’t mean I’ll eat more tonight
    I ate baby corn and I liked it
    I liked it

    No I don’t even know your name
    No one names corn
    You’re my experimental food
    Just looked so tasty
    It’s not what
    I would do
    They did not have other corn
    On the menu

    I ate baby corn and I liked it
    Tasted just like normal corn
    I ate baby corn just to try it
    I hope normal corn don’t mind it
    It looked so weird
    It tasted right
    Don’t mean I’ll eat more tonight
    I ate baby corn and I liked it
    I liked it

    Baby corn is so magical
    Like normal corn but much smaller
    Hard to resist to eat it
    Normal corn can go suck it
    Ain’t a big deal if it’s delicious

    I ate baby corn and I liked it
    Tasted just like normal corn
    I ate baby corn just to try it
    I hope normal corn don’t mind it
    It looked so weird
    It tasted right
    Don’t mean I’ll eat more tonight
    I ate baby corn and I liked it
    I liked it

    That’s my song about eating baby corn to the tune of “I Kissed A Girl”**

    **While typing the word girl, I accidently typed the word “corn” first.

  56. 56 JD

    meleah rebeccah: I know! And no one looks at you judgmentally if you pile on piece after piece. They just go get more!

    Aine: Thank you! I have graciously accepted. I don’t usually follow the traditional award rules (for I am a rebel), but I’ll acknowledge it on my Awards page. Thanks again!

    Kathy Holiday: Thank you. We need all the power we can get.

    MomZombie: Yes, I rather like the starfish and think it’s a vast improvement. I try to take photos very early in the morning, before anyone else is on the beach. Otherwise, yeah. Too many sea creatures for me to deal with.

    LJ: Heh. Maybe better keep it at just your hat. I don’t feel very brave or body-worthy myself. But it was very much a strong desire of Dave’s, and I have found myself enjoying it more and more. It’s really very fun and freeing, once you get used to it.

    Maureen: Nope. My olives came through unscathed, as did the rest of my bits (not that you asked). I never saw an emergency telephone OR a lifeguard OR any type of safety rules that included CPR, etc. But by god the blowing of the nostril WILL BE enforced!

    Regan: Regan, I bow to you. I don’t even know what to say. This is at once hilarious and brilliant. All I can do is pay you the highest honor: post this on Facebook.

    (Later that day) Sorry, Regan. It’s too long to post in its entirety. I can only hope people from around the globe will come here and read it. It’s AWESOME!

  57. 57 Kathy

    Regan! What an awesome song! I listened to the real song in the background as I read your song. So perfect. So corny!

  58. 58 Mone

    “Dave, I usually try to read smaller books. Large books make my penis look small.”
    Hahahahaha, that is too funny. Thanks for showing so many pictures, I can only dream of sunshine at the moment.
    .-= Mone´s last blog .. =-.

  59. 59 erin

    It sounds like you really enjoyed your trip and got some wonderful photos. I don’t think I could handle going to a nude beach. I don’t want to be seen, and I don’t want to see, if you know what I mean. I guess I am just a modest chicken. I don’t even like wearing a bathing suit without a coverup :)

    Glad you had a great time and thanks for sharing the experience!

    (P.S. I read Regan’s comment/lyrics and yes, it is pure awesomeness.)
    .-= erin´s last blog ..Paranormal Activity =-.

  60. 60 Jenn of Many Cabbages

    I appreciate “I Go On Vacation So You Almost Feel Like You Had One Even Though You Haven’t Been On One in Six Years”…

    This might get me through the next six years.

    Only I might photoshop Johnny Depp in place of Dave… No offense. :)
    .-= Jenn of Many Cabbages´s last blog ..Second Childhood with Hoveround Commercial =-.

  61. 61 seafoodpunch

    no need to reply…but I’m always amazed at how much I love pictures of food! Mmmmmm
    .-= seafoodpunch´s last blog ..Blowhards and Blowholes =-.

  62. 62 Yum Yucky

    He’s part Starfish? surely he knows Spongebob.
    .-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Tasting! Quaker Oatmeal Pancake Mix =-.

  63. 63 Mary @ Holy Mackerel

    You are one hilarious lady. And now I must go to Jamaica.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..The List, Or How To Do Toronto Real Good With Lots And Lots Of Puke and Poop =-.

  64. 64 JD

    Kathy: Isn’t it perfect?! And corny?! The true sign of an excellent parody is how close it comes to the original, and Regan’s does just that. I am in awe. Total awe.

    Mone: Let us all dream of sunshine for a minute. Maybe the sun will hear us and come out.

    erin: It’s perfectly OK to be a modest chicken. If we ever meet up at a nudist/prudist resort, I shall be proud to put on my clothes to come and visit you.

    Regan: your fans are amassing.

    Jenn of Many Cabbages: No offense taken. Not by me, anyway. Dave is another story. Six years? Jenn, come on. You deserve it.

    seafoodpunch: BE YE NOT AMAZED! (Isn’t that from the Bible?)

    Yum Yucky: I’ll ask him . . . he says no. That’s weird!

    Mary @ Holy Mackerel: Oh, thank you! Yes, you really MUST go to Jamaica. Hope to see you there!

  65. 65 Jade

    I love your site ! The food looks yummy and delicious, with a nice resort , funny and naughty starfish hehee… Thanks for sharing your photos to us more power to your site God bless ;-)
    .-= Jade´s last blog ..Mobile Phone Free Wii =-.


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