I Ate Cat Puke

Ooh, that smell
Can’t you smell that smell?

Hashbrown_potato_patty

OK, I didn’t literally eat cat puke, but by the end of this post . . . well, you’ll see.

(“NO WE WON’T” proclaim 10,000 grossed-out-already readers.)

Oh, yes. You will.

So it was on daylight savings night that we learned the lesson again: Cats cannot tell time. It was 5 AM (formerly known as 6 AM), and they wanted their damn breakfast. And like every other morning, I was ready to get up, but I didn’t want to reward their obnoxious behavior. Gus howls into the air. Pru knocks books off the shelves. Gus howls some more. Pru howls. Dave howls, “GET UP ALREADY!”

OK, OK!

I tried something I’ve never tried before. I fed the cats and . . . WENT BACK TO BED!

What will happen? Surely having been fed they’ll now go off to do whatever satisfied cats do while humans try to sleep.

Oh. That activity just happens to be ensuring those humans STILL do not sleep.

Gus howls. Pru knocks books off the shelves. From having been up quite recently, I know the house is very cold. I don’t want to get out of bed again. Weirdly, I’m not even hungry. I think about the two donuts waiting for me in the cabinet. Not appealing. Strange. I’m planning to go to McDonald’s for coffee, tho, so maybe . . .

As soon as I think that thought, I swear, I smell hashbrowns. Specifically, McDonald’s delicious, greasy hashbrowns. Mmm. Maybe I’ll get . . .

But wait. That smell is real, not in my head. Oh, god, no. I peek over the edge of my bed.

Yes, in between bouts of howling, Gus has performed the rare Silent Puke. Right next to the head of the bed. It smells. Oh, NOW it smells like puke. A few seconds ago, however . . . well, I don’t want to think about that.

Flash-forward 2 hours. I can hear Dave stumbling around in the bedroom, so I leap into the room to warn him. My reward is a gratifying guy-scream of surprise.

“Don’t step in the cat puke!”

I explain the story as I’m cleaning up, even sharing the part about the hashbrowns.

“Gross!” he says, clearly not wanting to hear any more. But he will hear. He must.

Dave heads into the kitchen. “Are you sure Gus didn’t puke in here? I can smell it!”

“No, that’s, uh, you see, I DID go to McDonald’s.”

“You didn’t.”

“And I got hash browns. Four, to be precise.”

Dave says no more, he merely heads to the basement in silent disgust. I brush my teeth for the thousandth time and reflect upon the merits of a mouth replacement.

*        *        *

Have YOU ever eaten cat-puke-by-proxy? Did you enjoy it? Please, someone tell me I’m not alone in this.

___________________________________

Hashbrown came from here


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59 Comments


59 Responses to “I Ate Cat Puke”

  1. 1 brite

    McDonald’s new advertising campaign:

    ‘Hash browns that smell like cat puke!’
    “I’m lovin’ it!’
    .-= brite´s last blog .. =-.

  2. 2 moooooog35

    Just adding ‘turning me off of McDonald’s hash browns forever’ to my growing list of reasons why I’ll never own a cat.

    It’s listed right below the ‘stealing my breath’ and ‘assuming my identity at the Social Security office’ items.

    Friggin cats.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Se coge nuestro país, la parte dos (Our Country is Fucked, Part Two) =-.

  3. 3 Tiggy

    Now I’m hungry for hash browns. Or cat puke.
    .-= Tiggy´s last blog ..Tiggyblog the Book – Coming Soon! Probably. =-.

  4. 4 Surfie

    I have to say I’ve never smelled cat puke that reminded me of food. I’m not a fan of hashbrowns anyway, but if it had smelled like McDonald’s fries with their sweet and sour sauce, I may have had to cave and make a run for the golden arches.
    .-= Surfie´s last blog ..Boy Scout Fail =-.

  5. 5 Grace

    And yet another reason why I don’t eat at McDonald’s. Tho if memory serves me right, and it has been 30 years since I have eaten at McDonald’s, any food from McDonald’s has a laxative affect on me. Thankfully constipation is not one of my problems. Oh, TMI? Sorry…
    .-= Grace´s last blog ..I’m glad it’s Monday =-.

  6. 6 Jen

    Hahaha! This is too funny. And pretty gross.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..The Time Veggies Taught a Five Year Old to Condemn Me For All Eternity =-.

  7. 7 Kathy

    And I was just about to go make breakfast. I need a few minutes to clear my head of this. I do love McD’s hash browns, but not anymore.

    The closest thing to a puke-by-proxy experience I’ve had was actually a poop-by-proxy experience.

    My husband found what looked like a cat turd on the carpet and asked me to go get a paper towel. When I came back with one he made sure I was looking when he picked it up off the floor and ate it. It was actually part of a brownie all balled up. It was a good gross prank to pull. But he still got a punch for that.

    OK, I’m over the hash brown/puke thing. I would like one now. Thanks.
    .-= Kathy´s last blog ..How to Make Nipple Cupcakes =-.

  8. 8 The Incredible Woody

    I will never eat McDonalds hashbrowns again without thinking about this and maybe I will never eat McDonalds hashbrowns again!
    .-= The Incredible Woody´s last blog ..Tongues And Parties =-.

  9. 9 Stephanie Barr

    You have 10,000 readers!

    Gasp!

    I will not believe that the delicious and delightful smell of greasy hashbrowns smells like cat puke. At least nothing my cats have ever produced.

    If I ever did eat puke-by-proxy (easy, stomach!), I didn’t know it and I DON’T WANT TO. (You mentioned that this was one arena, your blog, where all caps were acceptable.)
    .-= Stephanie Barr´s last blog ..For Shakespeare: Career Direction =-.

  10. 10 jessica

    Sorry but I can’t say I have. However if I ever considered eating hash browns from McDonalds I am now no longer making any type of consideration whatsoeve

  11. 11 Spot

    I wish my cats’ puke ever smelled good. No such luck. I don’t know anything about the silent puke of which you speak either since mine seem to have a contest to see who can puke the loudest and stain my carpet the worst.

    I have never eaten cat puke by proxy, but when I was pregnant with our first child I used to love the smell of liver and bacon canned cat food. Seriously, I once considered spreading it on some french bread like pate. Turns out I was anemic and my body was just craving iron. To this day though, the smell of that one still makes me hungry.

    ♥Spot
    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Gather round the table… =-.

  12. 12 Puglette

    i understand. there is that small moment in time where their puke smells more like the food they ate than it smells like regular puke. however, i can’t say that i have ever associated any puke aroma to the delightful smell of my beloved mcdonald’s hash browns.

    my big issue with animal puke is picking it up while it’s still warm…can’t they use the toilet like a normal person?

    (you need a dog, they would snarf up that cat puke before you even smelled it.)
    hugs,
    puglette
    :o)
    .-= Puglette´s last blog ..Happy Halloween! =-.

  13. 13 Bingo

    OK I have to remember do not eat Mcdonalds hash browns before a date!
    .-= Bingo´s last blog ..November All Slots Tourney Winners =-.

  14. 14 Daisy the Curly Cat

    It was a tiny bit rude of Gus to do a silent bomit. Usually, I has to make the glug-glug glug-glug glug-glug glug-glug sound so the mom has plenty of time to leap out of bed, grab me and run with me off the carpet onto some tile.
    .-= Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog ..Monday Mystery: Solve the Word Phrase =-.

  15. 15 Tracy

    This is worse than breastfeeding mothers going on and on about how their baby’s poop smells like buttermilk. Do you know how many delicious breakfast items are made of buttermilk?

    Soon, I will be out of things to eat for breakfast. I think this is the universe’s way of telling me I should stop reading the internet or at least things written by people with cats and/or lactating.
    .-= Tracy´s last blog ..Scary Products Contest Winners =-.

  16. 16 dcr

    I’ve never smelled appealing cat puke. Never. I’m pretty sure.

    And, no, you cannot ruin McDonald’s hash browns for me this way. I can no longer eat the Breakfast Burrito, which I used to enjoy, but no longer could after a negative experience. I did try one again many moons later, but I just cannot enjoy it anymore. Seeing it just brings that picture back to my mind.

    So, I have to stick with things like McMuffins and McGriddles.
    .-= dcr´s last blog ..Vintage Animation =-.

  17. 17 Venom

    Piping hot, right out of the fryer (with clean oil please) the McD’s hash browns are okay. If you really want to taste cat puke, try the Tim Horton’s version, those are REALLY bad. And, since I must mention that Timmy is King here in Canada, the hash browns are really the only gross thing you can get @ Tim Hortons.

  18. 18 Jenn Thorson

    I am just relieved to discover you only ate cat-puke-by-proxy. Because I know you’ll do a lot for your blog and for us. But I think eating cat puke for reals is above and beyond the call of duty.
    .-= Jenn Thorson´s last blog ..Something’s Come Between Us: the Bulletproof Fishtank of Customer Service =-.

  19. 19 Chris@TheSnackHound

    Um… JD…I think i need something to raise my blood sugar level so my reading comprehension level raises to at least a third grade level, because I read where a McDonald’s visit was implied, but I did not read the part where you actually went. Unless that is for another post. If you REALLY did not go and were selling Dave a bill of goods, I think you are really stretching it here, missy. If you had gone to McD’s and then Gus ate it and then…um…discarded…I would say you have followed the rules. I think the name of this post should be, “I eat something that SMELLS like cat puke so you don’t have to.”

    AH…I think somebody needs to go back to bed and I think that person is me.
    .-= Chris@TheSnackHound´s last blog ..Stand Back, Refrigerator Bandits! =-.

  20. 20 Ron

    OMG….how funny!

    I will never not eat McDonald’s hashbrowns again without thinking of this post. Especially since I like smelling my food before eating it.

    But, aren’t they the best tasting things?

    And being a HUGE cat lover I know that “pre-puke feline howel” you speak of. It sounds like a cross between a baby crying and a poltergeist.

    Scary, isn’t it?
    .-= Ron´s last blog ..Fear and Regret =-.

  21. 21 babs - beetle

    The weirdest thing I’ve noticed is that when we open a pouch of cat food it smells like one of the cats has just been on the litter tray, yet when they bring it back up, it smells quite OK. Just goes to show that cats are sweet creatures that make everything better. Yes I can definitely say that (mostly) our cats vomit smells OK. Fur ball vomit usually has no smell at all. I just wish they would stand in one spot to do it, and not go on a hike around the house dropping it as they go!
    .-= babs – beetle´s last blog ..Climbing back in the saddle =-.

  22. 22 JD

    brite: Snappy! Who wouldn’t get in line after hearing that on their radio or TV? I bet you a dollar (for the dollar menu) that I’m responsible for boosting McD’s lunch sales for today AT LEAST!

    moooooo35: Wow, you must know some smart cats. That whole “stealing breath” thing is a myth, tho. I know, because I’m constantly waking up with my cat on my face and I can still breathe. Barely.

    Tiggy: It’s such a thin line.

    Surfie: We all have our weaknesses. It was just the timing of it all. Normally the smell makes me want to puke myself. And that would DEFINITELY not make me hungry.

    Grace: Never TMI! I have to confess: I love McD’s. It does sometimes mess with my lower GI tract, but it’s worth it to me.

    Jen: Funny and gross. You can’t go wrong with that combo.

    Kathy: I knew you’d bounce back. You’re a trouper. And your husband deserved a good punch for that prank. It’d be at least several minutes before I could even THINK about eating a brownie after seeing that.

    The Incredible Woody: Oh, no! That was not my intention! The hashbrowns are really nothing like cat puke, after all. I’m sure you’ll get over it. Won’t you?

    Stephanie Barr: I know, right!?! Your all-caps are perfectly acceptable and appropriate. How’s your stomach NOW?

    jessica: Well, what about fries? Surely you’ll still consider eating fries, right? I don’t know how anyone could live without fries, ESPECIALLY McD’s fries.

    Spot: Thank you for sharing that. I don’t feel so bad. Bear in mind: this was almost completely undigested puke, after all, so . . . Yeah, usually our cats give us plenty of warning, sometimes even going so far as to yodel.

    Bingo: HA! Or don’t feed it to your cat. One or the other.

    Puglette: Thank you for understanding. And it was really just a split-second of recognizing some sort of savory smell on the air. I hate warm puke, too. But if you let it get cold, it’s harder to clean. Hmmm. I think I just may skip lunch!

    Daisy the Curly Cat: Oh, Daisy. You made me laugh real hard. Yes, usually Gus does the glug-glug-glug sound too. That’s really more considerate than the Silent Bomit (as I shall forever be calling it).

    Tracy: I need to see a Venn diagram of how many bloggers write about cats and how many write about lactating. And I don’t care if it’s baby’s poop. Poop is poop, no matter what it smells like.

    dcr: I’m sorry about your traumatic experience with the Breakfast Burrito. I’ve never had that myself. I stick to the Egg McMuffin and hashbrowns. Tho I prefer Burger King’s croissandwich. And they have Cheesy Tots! OMG! Is it too late to order breakfast?

    Venom: Mmmm. I’ve only ever been to a Tim Horton’s once, and it was heavenly. It didn’t even occur to me to try the hashbrowns; I had 2 perfect donuts and coffee. Thanks for the warning!

    Jenn Thorson: Thank you. Surprisingly, there are still some things I won’t do, and that’s one of them. But it seemed oh, so close there for a while.

    Chris@TheSnackHound: Go back to bed. Then get up and eat some hashbrowns. Then read this post again. IDAREYOU! I really did go to McD’s and eat hashbrowns after smelling cat puke that reminded me of hashbrowns. That’s about as bad as it gets.

    Ron: HI RON! Yup. You know cats, obviously! Gus does makes a strange yodeling sound before the “glug-glug-glug” noise described so perfectly by Daisy, above. I do love my hashbrowns but don’t indulge very often. The smell drives me insane when I get coffee at the drive-thru. I really hope you DON’T think of this post the next time you get hashbrowns!

    babs – beetle: Oh, my gosh, YES! Why do they have to try out every spot on the carpet? And you’re right: the furballs don’t have any smell, which makes sense, I guess. But some of our cats’ catfood “bomit” (thanks again, Daisy) is truly heinous.

  23. 23 Lidian

    I have never noticed our cats’ puke being at all like hashbrowns…however, they do like to bring it up, as it were, when it is dark and cold and everyone is (was) asleep. Why, that happened just this morning, in fact.

    The only time I have ever had a McD hashbrown is at Gatwick Airport and I associate them therefore with being in a really bad mood and sitting in a molded plastic chair while complaining. Bon appetit.
    .-= Lidian´s last blog ..The Slumber Helmet =-.

  24. 24 Regan

    This is good because I already don’t eat McDonalds. But I don’t think I’ll eat any fast food restaurant hash browns ever again.

  25. 25 Buggys

    NO! Aye, Loca! Not even by proxy. *shudder* I can’t talk about it anymore. I have an award for you over on my blog.
    .-= Buggys´s last blog ..Coveted Awards! =-.

  26. 26 Jeff

    Let me get this straight… cat barf makes you hungry for hashbrowns, so cat poop makes you hungry for what… Taco Bell?
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..10 Questions with Rob (Diesel) Kroese =-.

  27. 27 tattytiara

    Cat Puke or Mc Donald’s?

    That should be an easier choice.
    .-= tattytiara´s last blog ..This title will do. =-.

  28. 28 Kathryn

    Dear Ms. JD:

    I would like to thank you for the 74.65% reduction in the sales of our hash browns due to this here blog post.

    Comparing the smell of our delicious, nutritious hash browns to the smell of cat vomit is just plain mean.

    I mean, what did we ever do to you? Sure, you tried to make all nicey-nice at the end…by saying you’d bought some of our delish
    hash browns, but sorry, Charlie…..it’s too little, too late.

    The fact that you’ve told this story to 10,000 plus readers is just too much.

    In the spirit of the holidays, we’d hereby like to offer you 15 hamburger happy meals, 2 large coffees (cream excluded) and a burrito coupon from Taco Bell. In return, please stop comparing our products to any animal’s bodily functions in the future.

    Yours in grease,
    Da guys at Micky D’s
    (PS: We’re HUGE fans!!!)
    .-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Bella =-.

  29. 29 Chris@TheSnackHound

    No…I didn’t go back to bed and eat hashbrowns. I went down to the juice bar and got a bunch of stuff in it including an immune builder formula. Of course, I brought a squirt bottle of hand sanitizer with me. But I took a nap. :)
    .-= Chris@TheSnackHound´s last blog ..Stand Back, Refrigerator Bandits! =-.

  30. 30 Your Daily Cute

    I had McDonald’s breakfast for the first time in FOREVER on Friday. It was a lovely treat. Thanks for ruining it. :)
    .-= Your Daily Cute´s last blog ..How to Take a Cat Family Portrait =-.

  31. 31 Queen Katherine

    As much as I love you…and you know I do…this one is all yours.

    And to be honest, it doesn’t even bother me to let you have it. ;)

    I can recall some really strange things that reminded me of other things…or some odd occurrences that made me jones for whatever…but I can wholeheartedly say hork* has not fallen into either of those categories.

    * This includes – but is not limited to: cat puke, baby barf, rhinoceros regurgitation, vermin vomit, uromastix yuck, rat retch… xx
    .-= Queen Katherine´s last blog ..One Lovely Blog Award =-.

  32. 32 JD

    Lidian: Oh, those molded plastic chairs will bring any fine meal down. You really need to give the McD HB a second chance, in better circumstances. But not necessarily after your cat has puked.

    Regan: Well, then I’ve done a service for the youth of today. Normally, I would beg you to go out and eat hashbrowns, for they are truly delicious. But you’re a growing youth. You need to eat good stuff, and hashbrowns (unless your mom makes them) are usually not considered good stuff.

    Buggys: Ay, LOCA! (hee!) I’m sorry! Ooh, and I’m coming right over, thanks!

    Jeff: Bingo! Mmm. Yo quiero. No, no, no. It doesn’t work that way, silly. Dave does cat poop (cleaning the box) while I do cat puke (yes, there really is enough of the latter to make it fair). You’ll have to ask him what he craves after a good scoop-out.

    tattytiara: You’d think so, right? It’s not always black or white. Especially on a cold daylight savings time morning.

    Kathryn: OMG! You guys! You’re big fans? And you called me “Ms.” and everything? YES! I accept your terms. Except for the burrito coupon. You can keep that. (Can we be Facebook friends?)

    Chris@TheSnackHound: Ahhh. Naps. I’m not very good at those. Do you have a juice bar in your home? Your building? I need to see this picture. If I lived as close to a juice bar as I do to McD’s, my life might be very different.

    Your Daily Cute: Whoops! Sorry ’bout that. Er, did you have hashbrowns? How many. GOD I’m hungry right now.

    Queen Katherine: Sold! To “uromastix”! OK, I realize it was a horrifying stretch, but it happened and I wrote it down. And then you had to read it. I hope you’ll blog about some of your weirder “joneseseses . . . s?”

  33. 33 BK

    I’m definitely not with you in this. I have never eaten cat-puke-by-proxy. Hope the hashbrowns tasted exactly as they are supposed to be tasted like. :)
    .-= BK´s last blog ..Child Obesity: Who Should Take Responsibility? =-.

  34. 34 Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    Formerly Known as 6 AM is a great name for a band!
    .-= Prefers Her Fantasy Life´s last blog ..Why I Prefer My Fantasy Life #78 =-.

  35. 35 Jen

    I can’t believe you waited two hours before you cleaned up the cat puke! I thought I was the only one who walked away from nasty things brought up from the bowels of my animals stomachs and waited until a child stumbled across them. I don’t really do that since I know neither of my children would even take the time to look at what they had just stepped in and even if they did they would only run to me screaming that something gross was on the floor and I had to pick it up.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..I am a Horrible Mother =-.

  36. 36 Pricilla

    Hmmm, silent cat vomit. That has me more erm, intrigued than the hash brown smell. The Farm cats all have a whole vomit production they go through.

    First it must be on the carpet even though the tile or wood floors are mere millimeters away.

    Second there is the high pitched wail in advance of the projectile wet fur and undigested food.

    Third there is the backwards walking that still manages to keep them from any kind of flooring that is easy to clean.

    Fourth it always happens at night and lands in a place the publicist is sure to step in while trying to get to a light switch so as to be able to see so as to NOT step in the bomit as Daisy called it.

    *sigh*
    .-= Pricilla´s last blog ..Oh! What a Beautiful Morning! =-.

  37. 37 Patty

    I have never eaten vomit or turds by proxy, but I have a childhood story in which my father, thinking someone had left a fork covered with ‘tuna’ on the counter, went to lick it off and literally ATE CAT FOOD. I guess one of us kids left it out on the counter after feeding our cat…(Between you, me, and the rest of those that view the blog, it was me. But don’t tell anyone, k?)

    Ah….misty watercolored memories…

  38. 38 ann

    well I’m glad you didn’t have this posted before I went to McDonald’s Saturday morning. That hash brown would NOT have tasted quite so good :)
    .-= ann´s last blog ..Positively negative =-.

  39. 39 MomZombie

    I had a cat that lived to be 16 years old. He had a bad habit, that cat. He vomited to spite me. I moved around a lot and after each move, you’d think I had polka-dotted carpet with all the splotches everywhere. He’d parcel it out in little dollops instead of a big pile. He puked away my security deposit, that cat. Once when I had a man (now my husband) spend the night, he creatively deposited a steaming heap between our pillows in the dead of night. And yes, it does smell like McDonald’s hash browns. Odd, isn’t it?
    .-= MomZombie´s last blog ..What is, what isn’t and what might have been =-.

  40. 40 Daniela

    so was the cat barf better than the sardines at least?
    .-= Daniela´s last blog ..Feeling Music in Your Gut =-.

  41. 41 absepa

    No, I can’t say that I have eaten puke-by-proxy. At least Gus didn’t puke *in* the bed–I’ve been through that before. There’s nothing like having to wash your blankets and comforter in the middle of the night, while you sleep under the one clean sheet that is left in the house.
    .-= absepa´s last blog ..Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, yada yada yada =-.

  42. 42 Straight Guy

    My better half once changed the shower curtain on the same night that I was prepping for the worst hangover of my life. I spent many hours that day absorbing that new-curtain smell. Now whenever I smell something similar I get a headache, swollen tongue, and sour stomach. Damn you, Pavlov!

  43. 43 JD

    BK: The hashbrowns were delicious — not a hint of cat puke. Tho I did feel somewhat ill after eating them. But THAT happens every time, cat puke or no.

    Prefers Her Fantasy Life: Oh, YEAH! Are you in? I don’t have to be lead guitar, but I’d prefer it. Also lead vocals. Also, I think it should be “JD and Her Formerly Known as 6 AM Things”! No?

    Jen: Well, I only waited because my husband was still sleeping in there. Your kids sound familiar. When we were young, my brother and I would casually step over steaming heaps of cat puke, pretending to my mom when she came home from a long day at work that we “hadn’t even seen it.”

    Pricilla: HAHAHA! I see farm cats are not so different from “city” cats. Yes, Gus (Pru has so far NEVER thrown up) does the yodel, then the glug-glug-glug, always on carpet, always running from my efforts to relocate him. It’s a small world.

    Patty: You little scamp. But surely you didn’t MEAN for your father to lick that fork. OR DID YO?

    ann:No, probably not. I hope you’re not having buyer’s regret now.

    MomZombie: THANK YOU for seeing the connection. OK, now. Between the pillows? Man, that’s harsh. And you’re right: that cat was totally doing it for spite. Gus does his in “dollops,” but I like to think it’s because that’s just how it comes out. Gus is the opposite of spiteful.

    Daniela: Hmmm. I’d probably have to do a more sophisticated taste test. Coming soon!

    absepa: Oh, gross. Actually (I don’t think Gus will mind my sharing this), he did poo and pee in the bed once or twice, but he was going thru some kind of weird trauma. Same thing tho. Up in the middle of the night (in absolute grossed-outedness and horror) to wash the bedding. GUS!

    Straight Guy: HA! And, ugh. Yes, that is an unpleasant smell all right — doesn’t matter if you open the window all day. I hope your better half learned: no more new shower curtains on Hangover Day.

  44. 44 mrsblogalot

    Why aren’t we discussing the real issue here?
    The issue of cats still not being able to tell time. This is still a serious problem that plagues our nation. What…JD still tells time so they don’t have to? What enablers we all are.

  45. 45 carissajaded

    Oh my gosh… I don’t know what to say. But I do thank you for ruining my favorite meal of McDonalds sausage biscuit and hashbrowns… forever.

    No really, I’m dieting…

    But ewwwwwwwwww
    .-= carissajaded´s last blog ..Freak Flag-What? =-.

  46. 46 Jay

    Hahahaha! No, I can’t say I have eaten cat puke, not even by proxy. But I have personally stepped in it. And had my vinyl record covers eaten by mice that that cats have caught but not killed, merely releasing them into the house wounded and disorientated – but still hungry.

    I’ve also had the odd dog nose thrust right into my mouth. Trust me, you’re probably better off with the cat vomit by proxy option.

  47. 47 Maureen

    Thank you. McD’s hashbrowns used to be my downfall….

    “No, I really shouldn’t.”

    “Really. No. I can’t order those. They’re too greasy.”

    “Well, maybe just a bite of yours.”

    “Mmmmm…. I’ll take two. To go.”

    Now I’ll think of this post and my diet is saved. Thank you dear JD.
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..Just Call Me SuperWoman =-.

  48. 48 cardiogirl

    The absolute, best line of this post is as follows:

    Weirdly, I’m not even hungry.

    When I had cats (stares dreamily at the ceiling in loving memory) they did the same thing, naturally, every morning. But I was able to circumvent that half the time.

    Chloe, the older cat, was just like Jackie O. She was stalwart, prim and proper and in the early morning hours she would gently touch my shoulder and if forced she would issue a very quiet and short, “Meo…”

    Yes, it was half a meow. So I could pretty easily ignore her and she’d just wait stoically. Clive was a different story.

    He’d stand outside the door and meow loudly. However! Half the time I could scritch scratch the mattress and he would come running into the bed.

    Once he hopped in the bed I could pet him down until I fell back asleep thereby ensuring another hour or so.

    Man I miss those furballs.

    I will admit that I’m impressed with Prudence’s ingenuity and her mighty biceps. Knockin’ books off the bookshelf eh?
    .-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..I take exception to that and not respectfully, either =-.

  49. 49 JD

    mrsblogalot: THANK YOU! I expected more outrage among pet owners, specifically cat owners. It’s ridiculous. Between the two of us, perhaps we can spread the word.

    carissajaded: To be fair, I did not mention the sausage biscuit, so you really CAN still eat that (diet or no diet). Or may I recommend Burger King’s delicious Croissandwich and Cheesy Tots? Now in new non-cat-puke flavor?

    Jay: Ew. That dog mouth situation doesn’t sound appealing. As for the wounded yet hungry mice? Oh, man. I have a pretty funny mental image in my head. My albums have been ruined by mold. Sadly, I can’t blame the cats for that.

    Maureen: Oh, you’re welcome! But look: If I can overcome my cat puke distaste in a matter of minutes, I bet the rest of you will be over it in a couple of days. I bet you’ll be happily eating McD’s hashbrowns by this weekend.

    cardiogirl: Awwww. Chloe sounds like a love. So polite. Gus has no qualms about howling loudly right in my ear. I’ve done the scritch-scratch method with Pru, and it works half the time. But her attention span is so short, she doesn’t stay on the bed for long.

  50. 50 unfinishedrambler

    I’m stuck back on 10,000 readers too. How cool for you.

    I just had hash browns this morning from McDonald’s, but now am not so sure I will ever have again. Thanks, JD.
    .-= unfinishedrambler´s last blog ..I am the Thread Creep or Professional Thread Jacker, at your service =-.

  51. 51 Tim

    Ha ha! Hashbrowns and reincarnation in action :-)
    I always figured if you squeezed a McDonald’s hashbrown you’d get half a cup of grease, but I still love ‘em. Like Venom said, hashbrowns are one thing Tim Horton’s does bad. That’s because they don’t have enough grease.
    So, do you feed your cats McDonald’s hashbrowns? If so, mystery solved…
    .-= Tim´s last blog ..Hacked, Slashed, Rehashed But Still Open For Business =-.

  52. 52 Keith

    I had never noticed that Mickey D’s hash browns smell like cat puke. I hope I never do, either. I do not eat them often, but now I will need to forget this before I order them again.

    I do not understand how you could have eaten them that morning! I think I would just have eaten an apple or some other fruit, Anything not smelling or tasting like cat puke.
    .-= Keith´s last blog ..Nov 22, National Museum of Natural History, Smithsonian Institute, is home to Norman Rockwell painting =-.

  53. 53 JD

    unfinishedrambler: That “10,000″ was a bit of an estimate. I may be off by 1 or 2. I guarantee: you will be back on those hashbrowns in no time. As I said, if I can overcome the cat puke association in mere minutes, there’s hope for anyone.

    Tim: I like your theory, but, no: the cats get very little people food, and there’s no WAY they’re getting even a morsel of my delicious hashbrowns—which makes me wonder: what would cat-hasbrown-puke be like? My brain hurts. But yes. GREASE is the word when it comes to these heavenly potato cakes of love. I guess Tim Horton’s figures they do everything else well enough.

    Keith: But have you noticed cat puke smelling like McD’s hashbrowns? That’s the real test. I don’t understand it either. The urge was just too strong, I guess. Plus I hate fruit.

  54. 54 Jenny

    What a way to wake up in the morning! I’ve stepped in cat vomit, but fortunately my cats throw up in more convenient places like on the couch, chair, and light colored carpeting!

  55. 55 Marla

    Wow, that was rediculously funny. I actually did laugh out loud. What in the hell did you feed that cat to make its vomit smell like McDonald’s hashbrowns?

    And even worse >.< how could you eat McDonald's hashbrowns after smelling that?

  56. 56 JD

    Jenny: I don’t know why, but my cats will lunge for the carpet when they’re about to hurl. I try to aim them toward the tiled floor, but I usually just get cat puke all over me for my efforts.

    Marla: I think I really just imagined that it smelled like hash browns since I was thinking of hash browns. It really does smell pretty awful.

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