Every time I’m at Whole Foods, I see these enticingly packaged toy-sized candy bars. They are so wee. The brand is Vosges, and the label tells me they are “haute chocolate,” which is French for “pay out the ass.”
Intrigued by their size and the bizarre flavor combinations, I decided in the name of science and blogging to BUY and EAT two of these adorable, tiny, expensive candy bars so you don’t have to.
To give you an idea of just how small they are, here’s a picture of the two bars with an average-sized matchbook:
And here’s Gus checking out one of the bars:
Clearly, Gus does not approve. Look at his ears!
OK, a slightly blurry view of an unwrapped bar:
And a straight-on view:
The Barcelona Bar
The label says: “See . . . smell . . . snap . . . taste . . . feel . . . guided tasting notes inside. Deep milk chocolate melts into the mineral and sumptuous taste of sea salt and roasted almonds, reminiscent of Marcona, Spain.”
JD says: Despite all the ellipses, it’s good. It’s very good. The chocolate is rich, and the salty crunch is satisfying, but because the bar is so small and thin, I can’t really taste the difference between the almonds and the salt granules. As for the “guided tasting notes,” um . . . I like chocolate?
I could easily eat about 30 of these, stacked together to form a normal-sized candy bar. But I can barely afford one.
Mo’s Bacon Bar
The label says: “Rub your thumb over the chocolate bar to release the aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate. Snap off just a tiny piece and place it in your mouth, let the lust of salt and sweet coat your tongue.”
JD says: You can talk about lust all you want, I’m not rubbing my candy bar. I’ll snap off a tiny piece, tho, and voila! Half the bar is gone. I take a bite . . .
Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no. This is all wrong and terrible. There is bacon in my mouth. With chocolate. Who thought this was a good idea? This flavor combination is a sin against God and nature and all things sweet and salty. I guess I was expecting more of a bacon essence, but instead I got a nice-tasting candy bar studded with rubbery hunks of bacon.
I recommend the Barcelona Bar if you’re rich. As for the Bacon Bar, why don’t you just chew on some nice money? It will taste better and cost less. Or, may I direct you to:
JD’s Top 10 Candy Bars
Ritter Milk Chocolate with Biscuit
Caramello (giant size)
Coffee Crisp (Canadian)
Marathon (discontinued but available as a Curly Wurly)
If YOU want to eat expensive chocolate
- Spend a little more than $3.50
- Read Candy Addict‘s favorable review of Mo’s Bacon Bar
- Chowhounds discuss the best high-end chocolate bar
What’s your favorite chocolate?
Humor-blogs will eat bacon with ANYthing.