Chicken foot, chicken foot, I ate a chicken foot (to be sung to the tune of “Lollipop.”)
Sooo, what’s up, chicken butt! Did you ever say that as a child? I said it often, as a college student. I still think it’s funny. People’s reactions to this perfectly reasonable question vary but are typically a combination of pity and speechlessness.
But this is about feet, not butts.
Yes, I ate a chicken foot. But before you get too excited, I have to confess: I ate that chicken foot in a dream.
But the dream was SO realistic, y’all!
I was in China, staying at the Hilton with my friend Ann and her boyfriend Tom. At some point, Ann’s Tom changed to Tom Krasinski (from The Office, and if I have to tell you that, well . . . you’re a chicken butt!). I know, I know!!! The actor’s name is JOHN Krasinski, but when I woke up and blearily jotted down some notes about the dream, I wrote “Tom,” thinking, “Well, it makes sense. Same first name.” Then later in the day it hit me. It’s JOHN, you moron. That was a side note, if you couldn’t tell.
Anyway, the dream was like a Locked Up Abroad episode only with no drugs. Some mysterious entity had paid for our hotel; we were given money and instructed to just hang out and enjoy the city.
Fine, except I don’t speak Chinese!
There was some espionage-type stuff (a mysterious man asked me about a number and then got electrocuted in a phone booth). Otherwise, the action took place at a food court. All the food was Chinese, but not normal Chinese food, like Panda Express. It was all weird things, like eyeballs (sorry, Chinese people! I know you don’t eat eyeballs and even if you do it’s not weird). Regardless, I paid for all this strange food with my strange money and ate it furtively a few blocks away.
Later, Ann, Tom, and I saw a vendor frying chicken feet, and it was like, THIS IS IT! The opportunity to eat the weirdest food EVER (again, sorry, Chinese people). But you hear me, right? We’ve all been to dim sum restaurants, where the chicken feet passed by . . . and kept on going. Well, here was my chance, finally, to eat a chicken foot, and it seemed like it was going to be awesome.
So here — in what HAS to be the most lifelike (and therefore totally reliable) dream I’ve ever had — is what it’s like to eat a chicken foot.
First, it was perfectly deep-fried, like an onion ring. I bit into it, and a sumptuous morsel of chicken almost popped out. I slipped it back in, for, of course, that’s the best part! Before I got to the bone, there was this long, thin hard part that I nibbled on as if it were the most delicious delicacy, but it tasted like an uncooked spaghetti noodle. Someone yelled, “THAT’S THE TENDON!” And I was like, Oh, GROSS! because I’d eat a bone but not a tendon?
And now you know what it’s like to eat a chicken foot!
Please share your most realistic chicken foot–related dreams!
Chicken foot came from here